Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Slight AU warning.
Don't forget to review when you're finished reading!
Summary: What if Konoha was a destitute, paltry city that bred nothing of worth within its walls? The people of this miserable community barely keep going every day. The shinobi are no different. However, the dreams of two ninja trigger a feeling of rebirth within their hearts and now they strive to reach their own dreams. Will they find themselves on the right road...or lost forever?
Note: Italicized lines often mean thoughts of a character or, in some cases, dreams. They may also indicate song lyrics. Bolded lines often mean Inner Sakura's dialogue. Bolded italicized lines often mean flashbacks.
The Author Speaks: There will be multiple couplings, but romance is not what is this fic is completely centered around. Despite this, you won't be disappointed come romance time. Look for the teenage ninja angst however! I will warn you, there will be heavy amounts of violence, swearing, blood, substance abuse, molestation, you name it! I don't like flames, but I do like constructive criticism. Also note; money! I have no idea what the equivalent to a dollar is when it comes to ryo, so I'm just doing it simple. 100 ryo equals 1 dollar. I'll trust you're intelligent enough to be able to perform equivalents with that piece of information will be limes/possible lemons in this fic, mentioned rape and explicit scenes.
Timeline: Being as how it's slightly AU, the time period is the same except all the characters are two years older than before the time-skip in the series (13 is 15, 26 is 28, etc). Also, Otogakure is the main village of the Land of Fire, the biggest city with the most powerful army. It's located where it is in the series, except the Land of Rice Fields is no more; it's part of the Land of Fire.
NOTE! The Sarutobi section deliberately includes confused tenses. Due to his senility, his point of view isn't as clear as the others.
Definitions:
none
Songs:
"Any Other World" – by Mika
"Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)" – by Nancy Sinatra
"How To Save a Life" – by The Fray
"Viva La Vida" – by Coldplay
Show Me a Hero
Chapter 21 – Goodnight, Father
Burgundy skies blanketed a sleeping Konoha, while the little stars blinked out one by one. The occasional citizen dragged himself down the quiet road; a nicer one would nod to passerby; the rest would only pay attention to their steaming caffeine. In an hour or two, the town would flicker to life, dull and bleak.
On the cliff overlooking the town, Sarutobi sat in his office, rummaging through files. There were times when he'd forget what he was doing and would proceed to sit there, dumbfounded, until he collected his thoughts. Semi-aware of his own senility, he decided that he'd ask Tsunade and Kakashi to open the building with him instead of waiting for them for an hour.
A few C-mission slips were spread out on his desk. He didn't know what to do with them. Judging by the statistics recently collected for the teams, there were only three passing teams, and five missions to be handed out.
Once there was a time when forty slips needed to be distributed, and there were plenty of willing teams to take them. Only, that time had long passed. Before war, before the tragedy…
I wonder when Asuma will get home from school, he thought. That boy always horses around with his brother, when they should be helping me make dinner.
Sarutobi felt the warmth of a body behind him. The presence felt too strong to be either of his sons. He turned, acknowledging the stranger. "Can I help you?"
A warm smile spread across the stranger's face. "Hiruzen," the stranger spoke in a gentle voice, "you certainly can help me. I want to see how you're doing."
"Hiruzen? I haven't been called that in ages," Sarutobi mused, laughing. "Ages? Well…I'm not that old yet. Oh…" he frowned, confused. "Yes, I'm sorry, what was your name?"
"That's no so important now. After all, we're old friends." The stranger sat across from his desk, gazing over the mission slips and the papers. "Oh dear, you're so disorganized. Why on earth don't you have anyone helping you?"
"They're not supposed to be here for another hour. I should make them get up earlier. Young people these days are so lazy." Feeling particularly generous, Sarutobi stood up to pour the guest some coffee.
Another smile from the latter. "You know I don't like coffee. I prefer tea. Have you brewed any?"
Sarutobi set the cup down and frowned. "…I don't think so. I never remember to. Well, I suppose you can do without." He seated himself again, folding his hands together.
"Well," the stranger began in that sweet and serene voice, "how is everything? How are the town affairs?"
"Bah. You know how it is; everything could be ten times better than the shit-state we're in. Life is tough and I'm trying to handle it."
"How about Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and Tsunade? How have they been faring?" The stranger's eyes remained affixed on Sarutobi's expression, eagerly engaged in the conversation.
The irritated look on the old man's face immediately brightened; he smiled. "They're the joy of my life! With my sweetheart dead, my sons running around like idiots, and this town sucking the life out of me, I need those three. Sometimes I want to throw the town onto someone else and spend the whole day with them."
A laugh resounded from the guest. "You always had so much love for them. I'm sure that hasn't changed after these many years. Even after they all left…"
Sarutobi nodded. "I did. I won't deny that I didn't hold a special spot for Orochimaru in my heart. He was different than other students at the academy. He seemed to work harder, and produce less magnificent results. That wasn't because he was weak; it was because he was new. I'd actually never seen a new shinobi. I'd always been used to the families handing down their children to the task."
"You don't come from a family of shinobi," Sarutobi observed after watching Orochimaru perform his preliminary test.
He wanted to make sure his new students were up to standards and that they would handle his lessons. Jiraiya, the jokester, proved to be the least well-rounded, though he excelled in what he knew. Tsunade, surprisingly, was physically the strongest and this coupled well with her gift of chakra manipulation.
Orochimaru, on the other hand, seemed the most down-to-earth. He didn't possess remarkable ability in any particular category, but there was an authentic drive in his test. Sarutobi sensed the amount of sweat the boy shed in his journey here.
The young man quizzically looked at his new sensei. "You're correct. My family doesn't trust the Konoha shinobi. They put their trust in the Uchiha police. I have had little support in my way here."
"Well, the reason Konoha was founded was to promote a new way of life and provide opportunity for those who felt lost in the crowds of Otogakure. It doesn't matter whether or not we're less established than the Uchiha clan…we still grow from a single principle: to defend our citizens and maintain the good, so they may prosper in mind and life." Sarutobi regarded the other two teenagers. "What would you say to that?"
"Sounds good to me!" Jiraiya declared, enthusiastic as always.
"Who else is going to protect them?" Tsunade posited with a fiery smile.
"My family is weak," Orochimaru stated. "But they choose to spurn the help of Konoha. If Uchiha ever becomes useless, who knows what they'll do. Probably move. They don't like you, Sarutobi-sensei."
Sarutobi sighed. "I don't seem to be popular. I suppose you won't be telling them who your teacher is."
"I've already told them. Proudly." Orochimaru beamed at him. "If they want to criticize, they can all they want. But without shinobi, they'd be helpless. So I'll protect them, whether they like it or not."
The drive present in the boy's eye resounded well with Sarutobi. He saw someone who was not born into the trials with knowledge of what to do—he had to persevere, hurt, and conquer them with difficulty. From those circumstances are strong leaders born. Though that was far in the future, Sarutobi sensed that Orochimaru had the ability to become someone great. He maintained a wise spirit beyond his young years. That attracted him further to his student. A strong friendship seemed imminent.
Once again, Sarutobi's face became glum. "It hurt a lot, to watch them leave. It felt so sudden. No one even bade me a proper goodbye, except Orochimaru. He was the first to go. Secretly, I loved him the most. Tsunade and Jiraiya were both wonderful students, but Orochimaru was much more open to me, like I was his father."
"Oh?"
He nodded. "Yes, yes…"
"I can't handle this anymore," Jiraiya complained, collapsing onto the ground in the hot summer sun. He fanned himself and loosened his red button-down a little. "Ugh."
"You're such a loser," Tsunade taunted, sitting on a tree stump and running her fingers through her long blonde locks.
"Well you're not wearing anything!" Jiraiya pointed out her short-shorts and skimpy top. "I'm dying here!"
"That's what you get for wearing nice clothes to training. You're a slob anyway. You're not fooling anyone with your nice shirt." Tsunade giggled and sat on her back, performing a cooling jutsu to keep her sweat at a soothing temperature.
Hiruzen, thirty-four and stronger than ever, picked up the training logs with one arm and tossed them into the shed. "Stop fighting. You both did fine in the training."
Orochimaru emerged from the shed, having put away the trap nets. His hair was long, black, and tied back; he had a slim, feminine figure. "Yes Jiraiya," he teased, with his soft-spoken words, "you did fine. Though, for being only a 40K, you look like you ran across the country."
Jiraiya, who had also fallen onto his back, lifted the middle finger up and waved it around. "We both know you primped yourself up after you ran. You probably sweated buckets." Orochimaru laughed.
Hiruzen rolled his eyes. "Congratulations—you're all the epitome of maturity. We're done for the day, so if you want to go home, you're free to."
Jiraiya and Tsunade jumped up. Orochimaru lingered by Hiruzen, so they bade the two goodbye.
Hiruzen picked up his briefcase, ready to head to the office. Orochimaru stared up at him expectantly. "Um…did I forget something?" the sensei asked.
"We were supposed to get ramen today," Orochimaru reminded him, ever the patient boy.
"Oh! Ah shit. Something came up this morning. There's been really bad friction between Water and Lightning. I'm supposed to review the threats and figure out how to keep us out of it." Hiruzen shook his head. "Another time?"
Orochimaru still smiled, completely understanding of his position. "I'd love that. Would I be able to join you today? I'm interested in administrative work myself. I'd like to run Konoha someday."
Hiruzen chuckled. "Well, as long as you don't get in the way. But my boy, you shouldn't aim so low. Konoha's been in a slow decline for twelve years—ever since I took office. I don't want you to take over my mistakes."
"He's been doing a good job in Otogakure," the guest pointed out. "If he had stayed here, do you think he would have pulled Konoha out of this mess?"
Sarutobi sighed, scratching his head. Though fondness covered his face, sadness loomed in between the wrinkles. "Orochimaru…was a wonderful student. And he's good leader. But…there were things I can't deny, no matter how much I love him."
"Deny?" The stranger became curious, leaning closer towards the old man.
For some reason, Sarutobi felt comfortable pouring out his heart to this person. He felt secure in the person's presence. "Yes. The things I did for him…hoping that it was just a phase. I put so much trust and love into him that I abused my power, just to keep him safe by covering up his…mistakes."
Jiraiya doubled over, screaming in pain. The assailant successfully lodged a kunai in his shoulder; it was deep in.
Tsunade shook, whimpering from the site, and grabbed the kunai. Jiraiya roared in pain and kicked her away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"
"N-No! I have to get it out, it's poisoned!"
Hiruzen kicked an enemy's dead body out of the way. Several Konoha ninja were strewn across the plain, having been killed by a surprise land mine the enemy set up. The village they were supposed to attack was now in so much more danger.
Orochimaru was nowhere to be found.
"Goddammit, where is that boy?" Hiruzen yelled, grabbing Jiraiya. "Hold on; this will hurt." He pulled the kunai from his shoulder; flesh squealed and ripped. Jiraiya fainted from the pain as a yellow fizz oozed from the wound. "Heal him. You can get the poison out entirely, correct? I'm going to find Orochimaru."
Tsunade nodded. "Y-Yeah, I can do it."
Hiruzen quickly noted the battle as he left the two behind. Another unit of ninja appeared to assist them; he determined that they would be safe as long as they didn't go after him. Flying through the trees, he called for the boy's name. He detected the familiar chakra as he drew closer to the village.
With no warning, an explosion rang through the air. "Shit!" he cursed, watching the air above the village became consumed in smoke. Zipping through the final thicket of trees, he emerged to see the small village a smoky ruin.
Orochimaru stood amongst a small pile of corpses, watching the village burn. Hiruzen made out the faces of the other enemy shinobi, a Konoha ninja, and the village leader.
"Holy fuck!" Hiruzen shouted, grabbing Orochimaru. "What are you doing, sitting here and watching?" He produced a flame-ceasing jutsu as the ally unit approached, ready to assist in the situation.
"…The village leader betrayed us to the enemy. The enemy found out you were going to lead the mission. So they promised to leave the village alone in exchange for the village leader placing the land mine to kill you." Orochimaru shook with anger. "And this stupid man," he shoved the Konoha ninja's body over, "he tried to stop me."
"Stop you? You didn't do this, did you? This is all you?"
The fire crackled menacingly, overtaking the tiny village homes, scorching them to piles of ash. Women cried, children screamed, men cowered in fear. Amidst the heat and the burning chaos, Orochimaru seemed to be smiling.
"They were going to kill you," he repeated. "They wanted our protection, so we trusted them. And they betrayed us. Why do they think they can do what they please? Without us, they would all be dead."
Aghast and shaken, Hiruzen lead Orochimaru away from the rubble. In fear, the villagers watched the young man go by.
Ninja rushed by them, intent on putting out the flame, as the village grew distant behind them. Out of nowhere, Orochimaru started crying.
"I can't believe them. They were going to kill you, sensei! They don't understand how good you are. We were going to help them! They didn't have to do that. We help the weak and needy, right? So how come they act like our lives are worthless? Why?"
Holding him by the shoulder, Hiruzen shrugged, surprised at his student's breakdown and trying to push any accusations from his mind. "They were scared. We don't have the greatest reputation, but we're probably the only village they could afford. Inexperienced people make foolish decisions when they're desperate."
"They should trust us. We're all strong. There's no point in a weak shinobi." Orochimaru wiped his eyes, noticing his teammates up ahead and smiling in relief. "Weak people are such a nuisance, aren't they?"
Hiruzen pretended not to hear him.
"My, my," the stranger gasped. "Of course, he must have just been shaken. After all, he loved you so much that he was blinded in judgment. Don't you think?"
"I did think that. That's why I covered it all up. All of his other missions went perfectly fine. He passed the teacher exams with hard work. I was so proud of him…" Hiruzen trailed off, looking hurt. He and the stranger sat in silence for a minute, until he began to weep a little.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm just remembering…oh, this haunts me to this very day. I regret doing this so much…when you cover up something this awful…"
Orochimaru sat in the medical room, bloodied, eyes fixed on his aging teacher. Hiruzen furiously paced back and forth. "I can't believe, of all the people, this happened to you. And of all the missions to fuck up, you choose THIS ONE?"
"I told you, Kumo had the drop on us." The only words he chose to say; they felt insincere, almost detached.
Hiruzen sunk onto a chair, rubbing his temple. "What are we going to say to their families? How can we tell them that their children are gone? They'll want war with Kumo."
"Perhaps we should go to war, then." Orochimaru continued in his removed voice.
"What? You know we can't afford that. Kumo would crush us. Now we're going to have to explain this and try to avoid just that."
"We are pretty weak, aren't we…"
"Compared to Kumo? We're both poor, but they've got a stronger unit than us."
"So they're better than us, is what you're saying."
"No, I'm not. Orochimaru, you realize you're the one who has to talk to their families. They were your students." Hiruzen didn't understand how he could be so calm, so content with the catastrophe he witnessed.
He stood up. "I'll do it right now." He passed Hiruzen to leave; Hiruzen noticed the lack of emotion in his face.
"Why did you attack Kumogakure?" the stranger asked, curious.
"I made a bad decision. You see, their forces have been interested in collecting jutsu and they've had bad blood with the Hyuugas for quite awhile. Seeing as how the Hyuugas were part of Konoha's creation, they worried that Kumo would attack Konoha. I sent Orochimaru and his students to spy on Kumo. Orochimaru claimed that they were ambushed and his students were kidnapped."
"He lied, didn't he." It had been the first time the stranger guessed on the outcome of the story, but it was said with such assuredness that it seemed like a statement.
Sarutobi began to tear up.
Orochimaru turned his head just in time to miss a book flying at him. Tears poured down Hiruzen's face. "How could you do this? What is wrong with you?"
"I—"
"YOU LIED! THE KUMO SOLDIERS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR STUDENTS. THEY SAID YOU WERE ALONE!"
Orochimaru remained silent, calm.
"WHERE ARE THEY?"
"You seem to care so much about them. Did you even know them?" Orochimaru asked after waiting for Hiruzen to stop pacing.
"What does that matter? I am the leader of this village! I can't allow my most trusted sensei to lie about the whereabouts of his students. I will not let this go unpunished, DO YOU HEAR ME?"
"They were sweet. They liked me a lot. I liked them too. You're acting like this didn't hurt me."
Hiruzen paused, looking back at his former student. The cold glance he had once given had changed to pity, but a guiltless understanding pervaded that pity. The latter brought back a painful memory, and along with it, a painful realization.
"Orochimaru…please tell me you didn't do what I think you did. Please tell me that I didn't make a mistake."
Orochimaru smiled at him. "Hiruzen…"
The old man paused the story, and looked up at the stranger. Perplexed, the stranger addressed him. "Is something wrong?"
"…I'm sorry. I just…recognized something, that's all. Let me continue."
"Hiruzen," Orochimaru repeated, "I don't think you're a weak shinobi. You're doomed by your surroundings and your mistakes. My students weren't doomed, but they let themselves be weak. Think about it. Other villages will respect you if you execute those Kumo soldiers in the name of Konoha. They killed your citizens, didn't they? The example will give Konoha the boost it needs. I promise you."
"But they didn't…kill…anyone. Y-Yo—"
"Not only are there less useless shinobi to weaken the state, you will find new respect among the villages." Orochimaru stood up, smiling. "I've done the right thing."
"The weakness of men is not cause for your judgment."
"I'm aware. Weakness is not only measured in the physical performance of a person. Strength equals the ability to adapt to change, or rise up and quench the thirst of a parched area of humanity. Those who procrastinate at opportunities to better themselves-that is weakness. Those three children did not try or do what could and would have made them stronger. In this world, one must know how to protect oneself against hostility. But to ignore the art of combat is foolish. Like art, people can be good or bad at fighting—but also like art, people can still put feeling and passion in battle, even with lack of technical talent. There is no gray area in combat. You either win or lose. Loss can better someone, or put them into despair—and that too, is weakness. Death is the near future of the weak. Martyrdom is a wasted effort when the strong are killed to protect the weak. If the weak were made to run the world, it would crumble. The passage of time reveals to us whether the weak can be made strong…and if they cannot, they should not walk the earth."
At this point, Hiruzen wept openly, shaking his head. "I knew he'd gone mad—but all I could see was my student, my successor, my son…I knew that I couldn't make him the leader of Konoha at that point. I didn't know what he would do. I urged him to go to Otogakure, where he could rule over a strong nation. I hoped that would keep his madness away. I had to stop exporting a large number of resources to help with struggling costs, and I worried that Orochimaru would do something rash in response. However, he managed to help us at Otokage. And, when he assisted Konoha and saved us from the kyuubi, that was when I truly believed that he had renounced his childish view; otherwise, he would have let us perish."
"And what of the Uchiha massacre? That happened shortly after Itachi Uchiha returned from working with Orochimaru."
"That, I cannot say. Orochimaru had always been interested in the Sharingan—which is why the Uchiha didn't like him much. They didn't like being investigated. I believe Orochimaru put too much stock in Itachi's abilities, allowed him to fiddle with his Sharingan more than could be handled, and it damaged the boy. Orochimaru sent us quite a bit of help for the cleanup, and expressed deep regret. I believe it was sincere."
"This is all so interesting, especially coming from you, Hiruzen." The stranger seemed eager to ask more; the old man nodded. "So, you believe Orochimaru is fine now."
"No." Hiruzen said seriously, in a stronger voice than he'd carried all conversation.
"…Really?" The stranger looked confused, almost intimidated.
"Orochimaru is hiding something. With the covering up that I did, he could ruin me; or use my senility against me. But there are times when I'm completely aware. I've met with him several times recently, and that look—I'll never forget it, as long as I live. Behind that handsome face, an ugly and wretched philosophy works in his mind. It eats away at his soul, and leaves only a warped sense of justice to guide him. I will never know why he chose to save Konoha…selfishly, I believe it was for me. Those eyes carry false goodness."
Hiruzen finished, and met the gaze of the stranger with a look of complete recognition. For that brief moment, with the senility gone from his face, Hiruzen looked thirty years younger—like a teacher the stranger once knew. Horrified and caught off guard, the stranger let out a restrained moan. In one movement, he pulled out a kunai and slashed Hiruzen across the neck, severing a major artery.
Hiruzen died instantly in his seat, with the same strength and posture in his face that frightened the stranger.
Orochimaru sniffled, tears gathering on his distraught face. "I did do it for you." He sunk to his knees, holding the kunai tightly, and wept until the sun began to peak on the horizon. The town slowly flickered to life, dull and bleak.
Take a bow, play the part – of a lonely, lonely heart.
Finally, Orochimaru stood up, his face slashed into pieces by the slivers of light sneaking in between the blinds of the window. With a last sob, he turned away from his old master—his dear father—and disappeared.
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in.
About twenty minutes later, Kakashi and Tsunade were walking up the steps to Lord Sarutobi's office. Kakashi held onto a steaming cup of coffee, while Tsunade yawned loudly.
"So Tonton's not giving you too much trouble? I'm surprised," he remarked. "I thought a pig would be messy."
"She's not used to living indoors, so she still needs some housetraining. At least she hasn't peed on anything too important," Tsunade replied, laughing.
"My dogs are always well-behaved," Kakashi teased, sipping his coffee and opening the door to the office.
"Because they're not real dogs," Tsunade defended.
The door swung open. Kakashi was the first to walk in; he immediately froze and dropped his cup.
Say goodbye.
"Oh goddammit!" the woman replied, yawning. "Good job." She tried to move around him; he held his hand out to stop her, unable to speak. "What's wrong?" she looked above his arm and at Lord Sarutobi. Unable to process the blood at first, she pushed past Kakashi, and shrieked in misery once she saw his state.
"What the hell happened?" Kakashi demanded to know, quickly closing at locking the office door.
To the world you thought you lived in.
Frantically, Tsunade began to heal his wound. She slowly broke down into a crying mess when they refused to heal. "No, no you son of a bitch, work. Work!" Still nothing.
Finally, she pressed her hand against his throat. "He's dead! No! What the fuck! Lord Sarutobi! Sarutobi! Hiruzen! Sensei! WAKE UP!"
XxXxXx
Heavy knocking on the door woke Asuma up too early for his amusement. He rolled out of bed. "Give me a second!" he bellowed, throwing on some slacks and a shirt. Rubbing his eyes, he shuffled over to the door and opened it. Kurenai stood there, looking desperate and frazzled. Her clothes looked wrinkled and her hair tangled. She also seemed to have gained some weight.
"Well you look like hell," he said, irritated.
"Asuma," she said in her cute, desperate voice.
"What?" he asked, further irritated.
"Can I stay here for a few days?"
"What the hell's wrong with your apartment? Did you buy yourself too much lipstick and you missed rent?" he asked sarcastically.
Tears filled her eyes; Asuma rolled his. "Oh, you have to listen to me. You know I've been suspended. I haven't been able to make my rent and the landlord finally kicked me out. I've been staying at Masudo's but he kicked me out and now I don't know what to do. I've been sleeping at the park but I'm worried I'm going to be thrown in jail. Asuma, please help me."
"You stayed with Masudo, that jerk? Wow, you're getting lower than usual," Asuma replied, unsympathetic.
"That's not the point! I need help…"
"You shouldn't have gotten three kids almost killed!" he yelled, almost wanting to close the door in her face but thinking against it. "Go blow your landlord so he cuts you some slack. That's what you're good at doing, hmm?"
Kurenai growled through her tears. "How dare you. I love you, Asuma!"
"I noticed that. You're not in love with me. All you want is my wallet and my dick, s—"
"No! No, I love you! You're the only one I have left!" Kurenai bellowed. "Why is everyone beating on me? Those children shouldn't have gone anyway! What's the point?"
"They saved the lives of everyone on that ship, you idiot! You're just too goddamn lazy! A teacher, you want to be? Well, guess what? It's actually work. These kids are actually shaping up to be something, and it made me see that sometimes, it's worth it to give us all another chance." Asuma lit up a cigarette. "Konohamaru didn't get to live in a decent place for his whole life, but he still thought we could do something. That kid…"
"Konohamaru? You're bringing your family into this? You were never close to him, or your brother. Or Lord Sarutobi for that matter! How can you justify this sudden change? I know Konoha's doomed. The only thing I could do was live a little…"
"Don't talk about my family. Just because you grew up spoiled and rich doesn't mean shit. If you need a place to live, go back to Oto and go live with your parents again. I'm sure they miss their little pumpkin," he replied scathingly.
"You lived in Lord Sarutobi's shadow, and he never was a good father to you…is that why you don't want to be close to anyone? I won't hurt you!"
"YOU ALREADY DID!" Asuma pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and crushed it in anger, burning his hand but barely feeling it. "Lord Sarutobi has nothing to do with this. He doesn't have anything to do with my life, he never did. Goddammit Kurenai, don't put this on me. You cheated on me god knows how many times. It's women like you who make girls like Ino think it's okay to be whores. Maybe I'm starting late, but I'm going to be a man that people should be, and put these cowards in their place. I can't help you with anything, you're too far gone for it."
"Asuma, please" Kurenai begged, "please, just a few days, or at least let me have some money, I need my apartment back…"
"Stop robbing me, you fucking gold-digger!"
"Just a few thousand, please, I—"
"Get a fucking job! Dig ditches, work in an office, clean up horse shit, I don't care, just stop asking for fucking handouts from anyone you can suck off!" Asuma bellowed, about to slam the door in her face.
Kurenai burst into tears again. "I'm pregnant! I can't take jobs like that!"
The door remained where it was. Asuma stared at her belly. "You're pregnant?"
"Yes," she said in despair.
"…How long?" he asked, shaken.
"I don't know, about five months I think. I know it's not very big. I didn't know for such a long time. I made a lot of mistakes. I drank and smoked. I'm worried it's sick. Asuma, I got extremely ill before the mission—I thought going on a boat was a bad idea. But I shouldn't have kept it secret. I should've gone anyway, I guess…it's just Konoha is so empty, so depressing, and I was so scared that something bad would happen to the kids. But they're just kids aren't they, I guess…I care more about this baby than them. It's true. If everyone knew I was pregnant, I couldn't keep being a sensei. But the kids…they're someone else's, they have parents too…do I also have to be their parent? I don't get how any of this shit works, Asuma, I've been so stressed. Please, help me!"
"…Who's the father?"
When Kurenai didn't respond, he swore loudly and scared her. In a small voice, she said "I…I don't know. Five months ago, it could be…"
"Mine? Hmm, is that what you're going to say? To make me feel better? That it could be mine out of who knows how many candidates?"
"Asuma…"
"Shut the fuck up. You think you're going to manipulate me into feeling sorry for you? That it might be mine, so I've gotta take care of it? Don't fuck with me. I'm not falling for your bullshit. This is your fault. Leave me out of it!" Rage ran through the man; there were certain things that he never wanted to hear, and this was certainly one of those things. "Get out."
She looked as if her world had broken into pieces. "What?"
"GET OUT!" he screamed with such anger that she silently stepped back from him, though she held an expression of misery and guilt that told him everything he needed to hear without words. He didn't hesitate to slam the door and lock it, proceeding to sink to his knees and cry. Her presence remained outside the door for a few minutes before he felt it disappear, and between his angry tears he felt a twinge of hatred for himself.
Only ten minutes went by before another knock interrupted his woe. Afraid it was Kurenai, he refused to answer until he heard Tsunade, in sorrow, announce herself. He opened the door to see her and Kakashi similarly miserable and lost.
"I don't think I can take any more bad news," Asuma said, trying to crack a smile.
The other two exchanged confused glances. "So…you know then?" Tsunade asked.
"I'm guessing she came to you," he replied, looking at Kakashi. "You two were an item for a while back at the academy." When they remained silent, he too became confused. "What is it?"
XxXxXx
"You never should have approached me," Shikamaru told Temari while she and Kankuro stood at his bedside. "That's why your brother is missing."
"There is a mistake here," Temari said angrily. "Those soldiers thought we went rebel, or something. They came to you to ask for information, thinking we had leaked material. Of course we wouldn't do that."
"They never told me where your brother was, or what they were expecting to find. Whoever bosses you around, he obviously doesn't trust you." Shikamaru rested his head against the pillow. A television sat on a high shelf in the corner across from his bed; he hadn't touched the remote for it once.
"We are loyal soldiers to the Sunagakure cause," she said firmly.
"And I wish I had been like that to Konoha. What I want to know is why you're here in the first place. You're obviously not on vacation."
Temari frowned. Kankuro shook his head. "Look, she saved your life so you can't ask us anything. I'm going to talk to my dear older sister alone now."
"Well, you're going to have to leave the room because as you can see," he indicated his I.V., "I can't."
Kankuro pulled Temari out of the room. "I still don't like him."
"Do you see what I'm saying though? There isn't any threat from Konoha. Gaara wasn't kidnapped by them; it must be from Suna. But why would they take him back in such a way? And why hasn't Baki returned with any information? I don't like this at all. I think we need to go back to Suna and figure this out."
"How about the fact that my fellow shinobi tried to burn me alive? Dad must be really paranoid if he thought we'd defected just because we were talking to Shikamaru! One quick background check, and they'd see he hasn't performed one successful mission for his village. He's not a threat."
Temari unhappily watched her brother grow angrier. "I know, I know. We'll straighten this out. I think one of us should head back to Suna, while the other waits for Baki."
"I'd like to talk to Dad personally," Kankuro seethed.
"I'll go. You're just going to do something stupid. Plus, I'm stronger than you."
At that point, two people, a boy and a girl, walked by them towards Shikamaru's room. Temari's eyes briefly met with the girl's. She pulled her brother out of the hospital.
XxXxXx
Ino stared at the door to Shikamaru's room, feeling like she was visiting a friend that had been gone for years. She didn't know what to say.
"Well, I guess we should go in," Chouji murmured, feeling uncomfortable.
Without saying anything, Ino nodded and knocked on the door. She heard a mumble, barely audible through the wood. She knocked again. The voice grew louder, but became crackly.
"Come in." It strained to be heard.
Ino almost burst into tears. She looked at Chouji with fear, wondering what they were going to do now that they were allowed to go in. His breathing filled her ears until she decided to just open the door.
It swung open slowly, and the two friends met eyes with their bedridden friend.
Immediately, they registered his decrepit and burned body. He was missing a good bit of his hair, and his throat looked almost raw from the skin struggling to grow again.
What caught their attention the most, however, was his face. Shikamaru's detached stare now displayed curiosity, quickly shifting to surprise and almost guilty fear from seeing that it wasn't a nurse that had come to see him.
The silence lasted for what Chouji felt were hours. He kept looking at the floor, worried that Shikamaru would notice him eyeing all of his injuries. To his surprise, he felt a silent chuckle.
"Yup, I look like shit, don't I," he whispered.
Ino made a noise of pain. "S-Shikamaru…"
"I…I'm happy to see you two." When they didn't say anything, he continued hesitantly. "I…I was thinking about what to say. Looks like you came to me first. I'm glad you didn't forget about me. Well, I'm glad you could forgive a fucker like me. Unless you just came to tell me to bugger off, which you're totally right in doing. After a—" a coughing fit took over his speech.
"Should I call a nurse?" Ino panicked, rushing to the button. Before she could reach it, Shikamaru grabbed her hand. It was a weak grip, but she felt four years worth of guilt in his fingertips.
"I should have never become that boy who scared you two away. I screwed you up. I took dad's advice and we did things that we were too young to understand. You were trying to survive. You didn't think."
She saw him remembering that night, and her tears watered his knuckles. "No. I was greedy. I thought 'hey, he's doing much better than me, so it probably doesn't matter if I do it too."
Chouji watched them talk. In order to hide the jealousy that covered his face, he turned away, swallowing. Even now, after witnessing and understanding how low Shikamaru had fallen, he couldn't help but yearn for that confidence his friend once had. Pain lingered in Ino's eyes in such a way that Chouji could tell the old feelings were still somewhere in there. Her soft voice matched well against Shikamaru's scratchy tone, and her hand was caressing his hair. His felt that Ino had secretly been waiting for this opportunity, so she could be a crutch instead of the source of anger.
The loneliness flooded back. She was a good girl, really, but flighty in her emotions. Chouji wanted to leave and collect himself, but he worried about being selfish. Standing in this room, watching them, he realized that in all those years he spent with Shikamaru, he didn't really understand him. They were children together, but that was the only thing that kept them together. After he started to drift away, Chouji clung onto the fading boy just to keep that strength. But, as Shikamaru grew crueler, he knew that he had to let go.
Why am I here?
"Hey, Chouji."
Chouji looked over at Shikamaru, and his question was answered immediately. Helpless, Shikamaru smiled very slightly from the attention, and Chouji knew that someone needed him after all. The boy he grew up with had perished in the fire.
"I'm here, Shikamaru."
XxXxXx
Wow. I haven't updated in quite a while. In fact, I think I was still only an English major by the time I started this. Now I'm a junior and double-majoring in English AND Theatre!
I'm glad to get this chapter out to you! It's a real turning point in the story, and this is where the overarching plot starts to move into overdrive. I'm feeling much more confident about my writing style. If you notice, the last section of the story was written much later than the first few sections, and I think I've improved quite a bit.
Thanks for being patient!