《Harry Potter》

Harry stared blankly at his breakfast. It had Chinese food. Yao had spent the last few days teaching the house elves how to cook it. It also had traditional Hogwarts food. None of it looked appetizing to Harry.

Today was the day of the first task.

"Eat something, mate," Ron, who was stuffing his mouth with pancakes, advised.

Yao, who came over to the Gryffindor table every morning to fuss over Harry, nodded. "对呀. If you do not have enough in your stomach, you won't be strong enough! Eat!"

The Chinese teen then proceeded to dump enough food for a squadron of troops on Harry's plate.

"Now, did you ask your ancestors for luck?"

"Wha-?"

"Aiya! Stupid Western boys! But don't worry, I asked them for you and- why aren't you eating? 多吃点儿!"

Harry quickly tried to stuff everything in his mouth at the same time. Ron and Raj snickered.

Yao looked horrified. "Aiya! Why are you eating so much?"

"But-"

"Do you want to be too bloated to compete, hmm? Aiya, how did you survive all these years? And did you study?"

"Didn't Professor McGonagall say that exams were canceled for the champ-"

"That is no excuse not to study! And eat more!"

Cho Chang, who was walking by with her friend, giggled. "Asian parents." She smiled brightly at Harry. "Good luck!"

Harry suddenly realized that Cho was the only one from another house to wish him good luck. Then he realized how beautiful she was. And then he noticed that she had said Yao was his parent, or at least a parental figure. Harry had to agree. The Chinese boy was like a parental figure to Harry, the nagging, though annoying at times, really pushing the feeling in.

From the Ravenclaw table, Harry heard Cho laugh, stirring a warm feeling up in his chest. She was nice. And beautiful. And she had a nice laugh.

Yao was still ranting.

"You know, back in my day, children were honored when they were able to bring honor to their parents! Now they're all on Facechat and Snapagram and Instabook!"

Would Cho be impressed with him if he won the tournament? It would be a big accomplishment. He could even use the prize money to buy her a gift.

There was a sharp tug at Harry's ear, the cause being an angry Yao.

"Aiya! Why aren't you listening? So disrespectful-"

"A howler!" Seamus howled suddenly, pointing up at the ceiling.

Indeed, a crane flying in, carrying a howler and a large package. It landed straight before Yao, who fed the crane some rice and reluctantly opened the howler.

For some reason, there was no immediate screaming, but a cool, robotic female voice.

"Translated from: Mandarin, Cantonese, and Korean by MagiTranslationsInc."

Then a far less cool female voice began screaming.

"Big brother! OMG! We are so worried about you! You'd better not die, okay? Cheng and Li Xiang don't have the same good taste in cute stuff as you do, so they can't buy me anything adorable!"

Then the female voice burst out sobbing.

"Please don't die!"

A calm male voice came on.

"Mei, Li Xiang, Yong Soo... I don't think a howler is the best way to reach elder brother."

"Uri nara mansae! Howlers originated in Korea, da-ze! I love you, big brother!"

"Like, it's fine. Ugh, you worry too much, Cheng. And, like, don't die, grandpa. Mei will cry too much."

"Li Xiang! You're so mean! I can't believe it! But this gives me an idea for a new doujinshi-"

"Elder brother, we have informed Hyung Soo of your predicament. He should have sent a letter over."

"I love you! I love you! I love you!"

"Like, I wish you knew how to take selfies. Then you could take some during the tournament. They would get so many likes."

"Li Xiang, you know full well that would be very risky. Please be careful, elder brother."

"Ooh, and we sent you a beautiful gown for the Yule Ball! I designed it myself, so you'd better wear it!"

Harry wondered what the Yule Ball was. And if Yao's family was writing from an insane asylum.

"It's like, actually not that girly. I mean, by Ancient Chinese standards."

"Elder brother, there's something I'm very worried about. Ivan keeps on coming over to our house to lay on your bed and smell your clothing."

Harry choked. Was this the same Ivan in that weird "Natalya wants to marry Ivan" thing?

"But big brother loves me more than he loves Ivan!"

"Should we make him leave, elder brother?"

"And, like, when he heard about the Yule Ball he got this weird expression on his face-"

"That gives me an idea for a doujinshi! I love you, big brother!"

"I love you, elder brother. Please come home safely."

"I love you! I love you! I love you!"

"Like, whatever. Just... like... come back, 'kay"

"We love you!"

The Howler than burst into flames, filling the room with a floral scent for some reason. Raj looked mildly alarmed. Everyone else looked as if they were unsure whether to laugh or not.

Yao, however, stared affectionately at the pile of flower-scented ashes the howler had created.

"Who were they?" Hermione asked as the conversation began to resume in the hall, with some glances cast over at Yao.

"Four of my little siblings." Yao smiled fondly, a little sorrow in his eyes. "Things have been... a little rough with my family as of late. I'm happy they took the time to send me something."

"And a warning!" Raj declared. "About Ivan, come to take Yao's purity!" He slung his arm around Yao boldly. "But I'll protect you!"

Yao smacked Raj in the head, causing the Indian teen to act overly dramatic about his "wounded heart."

"How many siblings do you have?" Ron asked.

"Six. Three of them are adopted. I also have a lot of little cousins."

Ron's eyes lit up. "Hey! That's just like my family!"

Yao nodded, chuckling.

"What's the Yule Ball?" Harry asked, suddenly being reminded to when Yao put the package in his lap.

"A ball between the first and second tasks," Raj answered cheerfully. "And Yao's going with me!" He lost a bet to me several thous- er, five. Yeah. Five years. Five years ago."

Yao huffed. "I promised this 笨蛋 I would dance with him someday."

"And I will ensure that Ivan, who I am better friends with than you, will not dance with you!"

"Aiya, that sentence right there had so many annoying bits-"

Suddenly, McGonagall tapped her teacup with her spoon. The hall fell silent. Harry felt like throwing up all the food he had eaten.

Dumbledore stood up. "If the champions will please follow Ludo Bagman-" The man, who Harry recognized from the Quidditch match, waved with a large grin on his face. "It is time for the first task!"

7/7/2017

The first task! Finally, after 21 chapters of messing around.

About the Asian parents joke... well, my grandma is like that. One second it's "aiya eat more!" and the next it's "aiya stop eating so much!" I'm pretty sure a lot of Asian parents are like that, so...

The nations in the howler were Hong Kong, Taiwan, South Korea, and Macau. The one referring to China as "elder brother" and basically being the into sane one was Macau. The one talking about doujinshis, dresses, and sounding like a sweet little princess was Taiwan. The one talking in valley girl and sounding like an emo teen was Hong one constantly declaring his love was South Korea.

Also, about my new crackship (India x China)... India is really old, China is really old, so... like... they've known each other really long? Long enough for China to lose a bet and have to dance with India. I mean, together, they've seen a bunch of nations come and go... the glory of the ancient times, the westernization and colonization, etc. And they've both really influenced Asian culture. There. Mi lógica.

There's this Deviantart artist with some cute IndoChu (that's a good ship name, courtesy of moi!) art called Pinkalala, and they didn't pay me to advertise them, so... maybe check it out?

And (spoiler alert) Russia will make a cameo, as suggested. Japan and America will make a cameo later on, and maybe some others?