Alright, so I have no idea how to proceed with this chapter….
I was not quite sure how far I wanted to take this story……and I think I am not too happy with this chapter….but I'm not too disappointed with it either….not quite sure….what do you all think?
Also, here is the thing…..there are scenes and things that I want to happen in this Verse of mine….
what I'm going to do, is have another chapter up, then an epilogue of some sorts….then have a separate story thing, where I put in random scenes and little vignettes that take place in this universe…..
But I will not be making an actual sequel….sorry….but right now, I do not think it be wise to take on such an endeavor…..
Hope you enjoy this chapter and hope you all are looking forward to the last two chapters of this….story…..
Without you Here- Goo Goo Dolls
Your love's a gathered storm I chased across the sky
A moment in your arms became the reason why
And you're still the only light that fills the emptiness
The only one I need until my dying breath
And I would give you everything just to
Feel your open arms
And I'm not sure I believe anything I feel
And now, now that you're near
There's nothing more without you
Without you here
And I'm trying to believe
In things that I don't know
The turning of the world
The color of your soul
That love could kill the pain
Truth is never vain
It turns strangers into lovers
And enemies to brothers
Just say you understand
I never had this planned
And now, now that you're near
There's nothing more without you
Without you here
Without you here
There's nothing more without you
Without you here
……………………………………………..
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Chapter 20: Without You Here
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"Do you know what she did while I was making my way to talk to his majesty?!" Henry cried out, exasperated. He slump down on the chair next to Peter's bed.
Peter raised an eyebrow and shook his head.
"I'm sure she only retaliated because you were a brute to her, like you always are." Peter chuckled at Henry's glare.
"All I said was that she needed to sleep more because she looked like my eighty year old grandma." Henry frowned, still trying to figure out what it was that he said wrong.
Peter stared at Henry, before sighing and shaking his head.
"I think you are a lost case, Henry." Peter said, unsure of just where to go about helping his friend who just….well, said such awful things without thinking of their implications.
"What? I was being nice and showing that I cared for her by telling her to get some rest and not work too hard!" Henry huffed, folding his arms in front of his chest.
Peter pinched the bridged of his nose and prayed for patience.
This was going to take a few more hours, just like the past couple of days had been…..
Susan stared out at the window, watching as the clouds began to gather. It was going to rain soon.
She shook her head and moved away from the window, glancing at the door hesitantly. She hadn't spoken to Caspian yet. She wasn't sure if Caspian was right for Peter. She didn't want to cause Peter more pain than he had already gone through.
There was no other way, but to take a chance and whatever happened between Peter and Caspian, happened. Susan would be there for them either way.
Susan took a deep breath and stormed out of her room. She marched into Caspian's study and glared at him.
"We need to talk."
Had Susan not been on a mission, she would have laughed at Caspian's shocked expression. However, this was an important conversation.
"How can I help you, Susan?" Caspian got over his surprised and regarded Susan, warily.
Susan sighed and sat down, staring at the deep shadows that haunted Caspian's eyes. There were bags under his eyes. He was looking so pale and old.
"Caspian, you are working yourself to death. Have you even been sleeping?" Susan began, leaning forward to get a better look at him. Caspian winced and sat back, smiling weakly at her.
"There have been so many things to take care of and deal with. There is no time." Caspian muttered, shrugging, hoping Susan wouldn't make a big fuss out of it.
"Oh Caspian, you know any one of us would help you. When Peter finds out, he is going to chew you alive." Susan admonished him, her eyes laced with worry and annoyance. Caspian didn't respond to that and just grabbed his quill and went back to work.
"Caspian." Susan sighed, reaching over and plucking the quill from his hand.
"No more, you will go to your room and sleep." Susan scowled, glaring at him.
"No, I'm not. You are not my mother." Caspian glared back at her, not in the mood to be mothered and messed with, especially not by Susan.
"Yes, you are. You are going to bed and getting some well deserved rest. Right now." Susan hissed, standing up and towering over Caspian.
Caspian did not want to admit it, but he was rather intimidated by Susan at that moment.
"Good. Then, after that is done, you will go and talk to Peter." Susan grinned triumphantly. This last part got a reaction out of Caspian, who immediately bolted up and refused to do such a thing.
"Caspian, you know how it feels, to see someone you love….someone you grew up….someone who had always been there for you…..to see that person….slowly die…..it is the most terrible experience….." Susan whispered, staring down at her hands.
She could still recall the feelings, the memories, of Edmund….of Peter…..as their lives slept away…..their pale faces….their blood…..
"The fear….of never hearing them laugh….of never seeing them smile…." Susan gave a broken laugh.
"It is the worst feeling Caspian….and I can understand why you haven't gone to see Peter. It is hard, the images never really leave you. You can't let that stop you. Now….every day, I make it a goal to do something to make sure I see that smile on their faces. I make it a goal to hear their voices, because it pushes those nightmares away. Go see him, Caspian. He is the one who pushes all of our fears away……he'll help you with yours as well." Susan muttered, looking back up at Caspian with a watery smile.
Caspian held his breath, because Susan had never looked more beautiful than at that moment. She really was beautiful, and who ever got to win her love would be very lucky.
"Susan…..I…."
Susan just shook her head and hugged him. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and smiled softly.
"Welcome to the family Caspian…..but if you make him cry….." Susan left the threat hanging, before grinning and bouncing out of the room.
Caspian sighed and shook his head. He dropped his quill on the desk and made his way to his room. Yes, maybe he needed some sleep…..
…………………………………………………………
"What is going on here?" Edmund asked as he watched Henry pace around, rubbing his arm vigorously, while Peter just laughed.
"Melody attacked me!" Henry cried out, while Peter just kept on laughing. Edmund looked from Henry to Peter, to back to Henry.
"Right, would you excuse us Henry?" Edmund decided to let the matter of Henry getting abused by Melody go. He wasn't sure he was ready to face such information; he was way too young for such knowledge.
"Sure, if you see Melody, don't tell her where I am." Henry said, before scurrying away like a scared mouse. Yes, Edmund was definitely way too young to get into the working of such a relationship.
"The two are rather amusing, don't you think so Ed?" Peter grinned, eyes shining with amusement.
Edmund smiled as he saw that old sparkle return to Peter's eyes.
"Well, I do believe they need to be quieter about what goes on indoors….." Edmund clicked his tongue, in mock indignation which only caused Peter to laugh more.
"Peter." Edmund spoke seriously after a few minutes of allowing Peter to calm down. Peter immediately sensed a serious conversation coming up and completely sobered up.
"Edmund?" Peter couldn't help teasing his brother.
"Caspian is haunted by you." Edmund sighed, unsure of just how else to breech the subject of Peter's and Caspian's relationship that was still non-existent if you didn't count that one random kiss.
Peter wasn't quite sure how to react to that statement.
"I'm sorry?" Peter was unsure of just what type of response that type of statement entailed.
"You almost died in his arms….." Edmund went on, because he wasn't the best person for this, but they both suffered through almost dying and seeing the other die. They had that understanding that they couldn't talk to with Susan or Lucy….
"You've almost died in my arms…." Peter muttered, eyes saddened as he thought back on all the battles they've been through. The first time….Edmund….they had all been so young….
"He loves you." Edmund muttered, staring out the window. Peter stared at his face, memorizing his brother's features all over again. He could never get tired of looking at his siblings….every day was a gift…..another day he could spend with them….with Caspian……
"How do you know its love?" Peter asked, because not even he was sure of what he felt for Caspian. How could Edmund be so sure that what Caspian felt was love.
"I do not know what type of love, he feels for you, but I know he loves you in some way. The way he talks about you, the real fright in his eyes as he remembers how it felt to almost loose you completely. It changes a man…..just like it changed us….." Edmund spoke, voice soft as he watched it begin to drizzle outside.
"We had each other….the four of us….a family….we got through it together….." Peter pointed out, still watching as Edmund kept his gaze strictly focused outside.
"Yes….we have each other….but now….he has us as well…..we'll get through it….." Edmund stated, moving his sight back to his brother, allowing himself to feel at ease with the world.
Peter smiled and relaxed back against the pillows.
"Yes….he has us now….we still have each other…..all we can do is wait……" Peter nodded and joined Edmund in watching the rain.
…………………………………………….
Lucy knocked softly on the door but didn't get a response. Caspian hadn't been at dinner and he hadn't been at his study.
Lucy quietly pushed the door open and made her way into the room. She placed the tray with Caspian's dinner on one of the tables, before reaching over to put more wood into the fireplace. It had gotten a little more chilly since it started raining. It wasn't freezing, but she rather not chance it, especially with Caspian being so weak and tired.
"Oh Caspian." Lucy muttered, as she reached his side. He looked so peaceful, but he still looked haunted and just so tired. He had gone through a lot as well, and he really deserved to give himself a break.
"Caspian." Lucy whispered, almost afraid to wake him up. She reached over and caressed his hair, wondering just what she could do with her two stubborn boys. Peter and Caspian……
Lucy sighed and shook ever so gently, Caspian's shoulder.
"Hmmm?" Caspian muttered, beginning to regain consciousness.
"Wake up sleepy head, I brought you dinner." Lucy muttered, not wanting to break the silence in the room. She went over and picked up the tray with food.
"What time is it?" Caspian muttered, yawning as he sat up and stretched. Lucy giggled at Caspian's sleepy look. His hair was all tousled up. He looked like such a little kid, it was endearing.
"It is past dinner, now you have to eat up!" Lucy scolded, taking the tray and placing it on his lap.
"Thank you, Lucy. Glad it is you and not Susan." Caspian muttered, taking the food eagerly.
"Susan wanted to come up, but I managed to convince her to come and hurt you some other time." Lucy piped up, sitting on the chair next to his bed.
"Thank you, not sure how to repay you for that." Caspian chuckled softly as he began to eat.
Lucy smiled softly and watched Caspian eat. He looked so young, she sometimes forgot that he wasn't that much older than Peter.
"You know we all care for you." Lucy spoke up, breaking the silence. Caspian didn't say anything as he looked down at his bowl of soup.
"We have been here for a while now Caspian, do you think after all we have gone through, we don't consider you as a close friend……almost family?" Lucy muttered, voice soft and serene.
"Lucy….I…." Caspian was silenced by Lucy's raised hand.
"Caspian, Edmund has talked to you….Susan has talked to you……it is true that we want the best for our brother….however, do not fool yourself into thinking that we only speak with you because of him…..we are here for you….because we have gone through the same ordeal….we saw him dying….." Lucy went on, closing her eyes as she felt herself remember the whole ordeal, all over again.
"We were all there. We have experience many more close calls in the past….you know what kept us going?" Lucy opened her eyes and stared deep into Caspian's eyes.
"Family. We kept each other going. Family…..that is why were are here….that is why we talk to you and push your towards Peter…..because it is not only what will make Peter happy, but it is what will make you happy…..because look at you….you are not sleeping…eating…….we worry…not just for him….but for you too…." Lucy smiled softly, getting up from her chair.
"Lucy…wait…I….." Caspian wasn't sure what to say about that.
He hadn't had a family in a while. It felt good to be cared for…but how did you show gratitude….
"Caspian….we do not want to push you to do something that you are not ready for….but we want you to take care of yourself…..Peter will wait for you…. You know this….deep in your heart, you know that Peter understands….and that he is waiting for you…with arms open….because that is just how OUR Peter is like….now, finish eating, alright?" Lucy smiled gently and placed a kiss on top of Caspian's head, before walking out of Caspian's room.
Caspian felt his throat clog up as emotions swelled up in him.
………………………………
"Good night, your majesty." Melody smiled, picking up the tray and shooting Henry a glare.
"Come, Henry. Let us leave his majesty to rest." She huffed, pushing him out of the room. Peter just chuckled as he watched them go.
He shook his head and pushed away from the desk. He had been walking from the bed to his desk now, finally happy to be allowed to get up. He would have seriously started killing people had he been made to stay in bed any longer.
Peter huffed and made his way over to the window, enjoying the smell of rain. It was a nice feeling, but he knew he wouldn't hear the end of it if he slept with the window open. He reached over and closed the panes, locking them.
He sighed and listened to the pit patter of the rain as it hit the window. It was a soothing sound.
He reached his bed and snuggled back under the covers. The fireplace was slowly waning.
He was beginning to fall asleep when he heard someone come in.
"Peter?"
Peter's heart broke at the intense grief behind his spoken name. He sat up on the bed and looked over at the frozen figure.
"Caspian." Peter uttered the name, gently, comfortingly.
That was all it took to have the man rush over into Peter's arms.
Peter wrapped his arms around Caspian, giving him the comfort that only he could.
"Shh….I'm here….we all are…." Peter muttered, rubbing Caspian's back, soothingly.
"I'm sure you think I'm a girl." Caspian choked as he cried into Peter's shoulders.
"No, I think you a brave and strong man, who is slowly realizing that he is not alone in this world." Peter muttered, resting his head on Caspian's head.
Caspian remained quiet and closed his eyes.
"Every night….I saw you in my dreams….but you died….over and over again….." Caspian whispered.
"That day….the white witch almost killed Edmund….I felt like such a failure…..I was suppose to protect them….yet Edmund almost died….there are nights, till this day….when I wake up and
I have to make sure that Edmund is still alive….that Lucy is still alive…..that Susan is still alive……it hurts to remember….but it hurts even more knowing that they are alive and yet you are not with them……doesn't it?" Peter spoke, pulling away and wiping Caspian's cheeks.
"I cried many nights…..all the people that have died under my command…all the mistakes that I've made…..the many times my siblings almost died….. Sometimes, I wonder just why people followed me…..what made me so great….I have so many flaws Caspian…." Peter sighed and leaned back.
"No one is perfect Caspian….there is always things to learn out there….I have lived thousands of years….and I have not learned everything. I am still a kid." Peter smiled softly and ran a hand through Caspian's hair.
"You are not alone." Peter muttered.
Caspian stared into his blue eyes.
Caspian felt relaxed…he was free….
Peter was there, in front of him….he was alive and talking…..
Peter was not gone….Caspian hadn't been late……
"I am here." Peter seemed to read his mind, reaching over and squeezing his hand.
"I know….now….I know." Caspian sighed, allowing himself to finally relax.
His shoulders slumped and he felt so light. For the first time in a long while….he felt at ease….
"Come…." Peter muttered, tugging Caspian forward.
Caspian sighed and allowed himself to be led back onto the bed.
"Let us sleep tonight….tomorrow, is a new day." Peter muttered, tugging Caspian under the covers.
Caspian smiled sleepily, unable to keep himself from placing a soft kiss on Peter's lips.
"You'll be here tomorrow?"
"I'll be here." Peter smiled, intertwining their hands together as they both fell into a deep slumber.
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To Be Continued.
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What did you all think of that? Some Caspian angst because well, he does have his own problems…..ya know, to be fair….that, and I wanted to bring in more family oriented themes that have been going in the story….I mean, this is a romance story about Caspian and Peter…….but Caspian has had such a terrible experience and Peter is focused on his family….I just can't see this going any other way and making it stay true to my story so far…... so I'm hoping you all enjoyed this chapter…. I'm sorry if it was not what you all expected or wanted…… However, just two more chapters so bare with me!
Thank you for all the reviews!! I look forward to more, especially since there are only two chapters left and I would really like to have your opinions!!