My better self still knows
That meaning comes and goes
What is it made?
I do not know
But meaning comes and it goes
If I don't use words
Then each sound goes unheard
Utterly senseless without nouns and verbs
But symbols suggest they are fit to possess
A purposely function
That cannot be met
-My Better Self, Tennis

Rogue knocked on the door to Remy's room and received no answer. She pushed open the door. "Remy?" she asked, peering around the room. She could hear the shower running in the adjacent bathroom. She walked over to the bathroom door. "Remy?" she called louder.

"Un moment!" he called back.

"We're gonna be late!" she said. They had a flight to catch to take them back to New York. The X-Men had stayed in New Orleans for the remainder of the week. There had been a small service read at the church for Jean-Luc and his remains had been interred in the LeBeau family crypt. Remy and Mercy were the only two in attendance. Later, Bobby had helped Remy with bills and paperwork for the funerals, then helped him set up a fund for the people injured in the unsolved explosion at the funeral home. Remy had it set up in Pollard's name and had donated a large sum himself. Rogue and Remy had remained behind when the other X-Men had departed hours ago. Joanna claimed the front seat and Bobby complained loudly about being stuck in the back with the dog.

"Hurry up!" Rogue said, tapping on the door. He probably had been standing under the hot water for ages.

She looked around the room. His clothes and belongings were still strewn over the bed and across the desk. They'd never leave at this point. Rogue sighed and began gathering his clothes and folding them neatly. She tucked the piles of clothes into his bag. His suit was in the closet. She took it down from the hanger and put it into his garment bag. Rogue went to the desk and wound his cell phone charger around her hand and tucked it into a pocket in his carry-on bag. The pill bottles she tucked inside as well. There was a file, two books, and a package on the desk. She sandwiched the file between the two books so it wouldn't be bent and sat it on top of the items in his carry-on. She picked up the package and studied it. It wasn't going to fit in the carry-on with the other things.

She walked back to the bag on his bed and went to unzip it. The zipper stuck. She moved to set the package on the bed when it shifted inside the brown wrapper. The twine around the center snapped and the package tore free of the wrapping. It hit the floor with a thud. She looked at the torn brown paper in her hands. The twine had rubbed away the paper in the middle as well as the name that had been written there. All that was left was the first and last letters of a name that started with R and ended with L.

She crouched to gather the package, which turned out to be another book. Rogue reached to touch the book but snatched her hand back with a gasp. She recognized the binding; brown leather with intricate scrollwork embossed in the cover with gold clasp holding it closed. Like a diary. The clasp had broken. Several of the pages were knocked loose. Her heart was pounding. She reached out and picked up the book, then rose slowly to her feet. A few pages scattered to the floor, one of which skidded a few feet towards the bathroom door. Remy was standing in the open doorway wearing jeans and a shirt that clung to him damply. He looked at the paper at his feet.

"Remy..." Rogue began, "Ah didn't mean to-."

He crouched and picked up the page. Careful not to look at it, he passed it to her. "Read it," he said quietly.

Rogue took the page and set it on top of the book, smoothed it flat with her hand. The handwriting was as recognizable as her own. She blinked rapidly to focus on the words. It was a letter, the prologue to the book she held in her hands. The author had written so plainly. There were no riddles, no puzzles to figure out. So unlike the other diaries.

Dear Rafael,

I don't expect forgiveness. I only hope that I can find the words that would help explain what I've done. I think of you often. I am not so far away. I could not bear to put so much distance between us, though I know my proximity increases the risk of your being discovered by people who would see you destroyed. I have asked Jean-Luc to keep this diary, that he might share the truth with you and your brother on the day you pair are reunited.

I did what was in my power to protect you. I was an unwilling participant in a terrible experiment. In order for you to have been born, I was to serve as a surrogate. But as you grew within me, I had a powerful vision of your future. And that there would be not one, but two babies. I knew you were destined for greatness, but at what cost? The loss of your innocence. A life lived freely. It grieves me to have sent you to this fate. But the alternative was too terrible. Please believe me. I stole away with you inside me, and took you to a place where I knew you would not be discovered. I gave you one the one thing I could-life. And then I turned you and your brother over to Jean-Luc, accepted payment, and purchased a home where I could be near for when the day you and your brother would come to find me. I long for the day we meet face to face, so that I could tell you what you mean to me. There are times I fear that day will never come.

Know that you are loved. And it is a consolation to me that I have Seen you will know great love.

Rogue's eyes blurred with tears.

You are in my heart my son. -Irene.

"Rogue?" Remy asked. "Anna?"

Rogue looked up from the letter. "Where did you get this?" she asked, holding out the diary.

Remy looked at her. "Tante Mattie had it," he replied, "in her house."

The corners of Rogue's mouth trembled. "Why would Tante Mattie have this?"

"It belonged to de Guild," Remy told her. "It was half of the prophecy given...about our old ways, or so we were told."

"Who is Rafael?" she asked finally.

Remy bent again and picked up the remaining pages. "The answer's in the book," he told her and handed the loose pages to her. She turned the loose pages so they lined up with the book, straightened their edges and turned them right-side up. There was a drawing of a man with red eyes. He was embracing a woman with a white streak in her auburn hair. Together the pair were looking down at their clasped hands. In their arms were two small children, twins with their father's eyes and mother's hair.

"What does this mean?" she breathed out as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"It's lost all meaning," Remy said. "Now it's only the story of a life that was never lived."

End of Part I

Some notes: There's two parts to this story, much like the two parts to Gambit's mood disorder, and two brothers who have opposite personalities.

It's pronounced Rāfāʾēl, not like the Renaissance artist. If you want to get a clue as to why his name is Rafael, you could Google it. And note that Remy's middle name is Michael. The two go together.

Still a bunch of unanswered questions...don't worry, I will explain everything. It'll just take awhile.

Here's some things that influenced me:

Heartland – Claire Danes portrayal of a woman suffering from bi-polar disorder is really fascinating. She too suffers from a love/hate obsession with the object of her investigation as a CIA agent. I recommend watching it. Remy doesn't have the same disorder, but that I'll explain later.

Harry Potter – Stole the idea of wizards living in a world of Muggles...with their own school and traditions. Which is why Gambit is such a snazzy dresser. Remember the horrible brown suit he wore to Jean and Scott's wedding? Poor guy just doesn't know any better. Gambit doesn't like the Harry Potter books though, he couldn't get past the part where Harry is locked in the cupboard under the stairs.

What's next? Infectious mania, flashbacks, drunken arguments, friendly wagers, magic spells, karaoke, baseball, romance, and the EEEVIL within!

I'm going to accept that you are all perfectly content with the direction this story is going. I am SO looking forward to the next chapter because it was super fun to write. Poor Wolverine...

Edit: Please excuse my "ROMY" teaser! Nothing in my story is as it seems...