WARNING! This chapter comes with a trigger warning. If you are sesitive to the topic of suicide please be wary.

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When Spike chose to not make a big deal out of Buffy's confession, she was extremely relieved. Dinner had been a comfortable affair and Spike had left for a few hours afterwards to patrol. He got back in around 2 am and Buffy was still awake, waiting up for him so they could go to bed together. When he asked her if she'd been waiting up for him, Buffy admitted reluctantly that she had. That she felt anxious when she tried to sleep without him.

"I used to just be able to close my eyes and I could feel you, but now I just feel empty," Buffy told him.

"Well then, I'm just goin' to have to make sure you get all filled up," he leered.

Buffy rolled her eyes but was unable to stop her blush. "Pig"

"Oink oink," he teased as he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her in for a bone melting kiss.

Buffy moaned as they used their hands and mouths to explore each other. When it began to seem like things were heating up, Buffy cut Spike off and pulled herself back.

Spike was a little put out when she stopped, but he just smiled at her to hide his disappointment. He was still trying not to push her. When she smiled back though, he decided that he didn't care about the sex after all, as long as he had her.

"I love you," Buffy said confidently. She watched as her words made Spikes face light up, and shifted his resigned expression into one of pure joy. She took him by the hand and gently pulled him up the stairs and then to her room and led him to the bed, shocking him for the second time that day as they continued where they had left off downstairs.

That was the first night they made love. They spent the rest of the night slowly worshiping each other until just before dawn when they finally fell asleep, wrapped around each other, completely sated.

The rest of the week flew by as Willow and Tara moved into 1630 Revello Dr. Buffy appeared for all intents and purposes to be adjusting to her human life even more quickly than she did to her Slayer or Vampire ones. Spike was relieved that despite the bad news her Watcher had given her, that she never asked him about turning her. After the first week of Spike spending every night in the house, Buffy casually suggested that Spike move some of his stuff over. She cleared out a drawer for him and even went as far as to ask him what kind of bath stuff he used so she could buy some for their house. Spike was on cloud nine.

Giles came back the next day and called a Scooby meeting at the Magic Box. He broke the news to everyone this time instead of just Buffy. The reactions were just as she expected they would be. The only exception was the quick warning glare that Xander shot Spike. Buffy pretended not to notice, she was done playing that game.

Everyone was watching Buffy in the following days, happy to see the changes in her. She seemed happier and more energetic. As if finding out there was nothing she could do had finally lifted a weight off of her shoulders. Only Spike saw how she still cried at night or knew exactly how little sleep she was getting. He was thrilled that Buffy had finally thrown herself into their relationship and that her friends had conceded defeat, that they were allowing her to live her own life. Spike couldn't help but be wary though, he could tell that she was holding something back.

Five days before she was due to start her job at the laundry mat, Buffy surprised Dawn with a trip to the beach. She wrote Dawn a note to stay home from school and they took the bus to the beach. They both ended up getting slightly sunburnt and came back with twin smiles smelling of the sand and sea. Since it was a Friday, Buffy told Dawn she could stay the night at Janice's, so Buffy sent her sister off with a big hug and a promise to get the film developed from the beach trip with her first paycheck. After a quick phone call, Buffy decided that it was time to go wake Spike up for the day.

After a pleasant awakening and a sensual round of lovemaking -where Spike took the time to memorize the smell of the beach on his girls skin- they laid together in the bed and talked about everything and nothing at all. When the sun set, Buffy suddenly remembered a promise she made to Giles, and after putting on the biggest puppy dog eyes and pouty lip routine she could pull off, she convinced Spike to run a bunch of books over to Giles apartment and return them. She was going to stay behind and take shower to finally wash the sand off.

Twenty minutes later, Spike, balancing a stack of books was knocking on Giles's front door. It was oddly enough Willow who answered.

"Spike? Where's Buffy, I figured she'd be with you?" Willow asked as she looked over his shoulder for her friend.

Spike was confused. "She's back at the house showering off the sand from her trip to the beach. Don't expect there to be any hot water left for the rest of the night," he answered.

"But she's the one who told all of us to be here at 9. It's 9:10 now, I thought you were both just running late," Willow explained as she moved over to let Spike into the house.

As soon as she moved to the side, Spike was able to see that everyone except Dawn was inside and looking at him in their own confusion. Spike suddenly got a horrible feeling in his gut. Something wasn't right.

"Did Buffy say when she'd be along?" Giles asked from his position in one of his living room chairs.

Spike shook his head 'no'. "Somethin's not right here. She didn't say anything about a meeting. She just asked me to bring these books to you because she promised you she would have 'em back tonight."

Giles took off his glasses and began to clean them. "That's rather odd…," he trailed off.

Before anyone else could say anything Giles phone rang. Anya was the closest so she picked it up.

"Giles residence, Anya speaking," she chirped then paused as the person on the line replied. "Not a problem Buffy just let me find the speaker button." Anya pulled the phone away from her head and took a second to put the phone on speaker. "Go ahead, I think I have it."

"Hello, can everyone hear me?" Buffy's voice echoed from the phone.

"Yes Buffy, we can all hear you, what is the meaning of this?" Giles demanded.

"First off, is everyone there? Did Spike make it yet?" Buffy asked. Everyone turned their eyes to the vampire standing in the still open doorway.

"Yes, Buffy, everyone's here, includin' me. What's goin' on?" Spike answered with a question of his own.

"Okay, good. Before I say anything else, I just want it to be made clear that I love Spike, and I'm happy that everyone has backed off and has let me make my own decisions without nit picking them to death. With that being said, I am doing this because I want it to be one hundred percent clear that this was my decision and in no way is this anyone's fault but mine. I heard you talking to Spike in the kitchen the other day, Xander, and I knew that this was the only way I'd be able to make you understand," Buffy spoke from her end of the phone. It was giving a strange echo with her words, as if she was in a small room or the bathroom.

Spike's stomach dropped along with all the books he was holding. "Buffy, what are you doing? What conversation are you talkin' about?" Spike demanded to know as he looked back and forth between the phone and Xander, who was sitting on the couch, face ashen. It seemed that he had figured out that there was only one possible conversation that she could be talking about.

Buffy sighed over the phone. "The one where Xander threatened horrible vengeance on you if you turned me or even let me talk you into turning me. The same one where you expressed your fear of turning me and said you'd try to talk me out of it." Silence filled the phone line as the implications of what she was saying began to sink into the group. Buffy continued."Well, here is my solution to that. Don't worry, Spike. I'll make sure that they all know that you had no choice and you don't need to feel bad. You'll be saving me like Dawn did. I get it now, she really did save me. This is why I never asked Spike to turn me after Giles said I couldn't be the Slayer again, it would have hurt him to much. Now I know that it takes about 5 minutes at a full out sprint to make it from Giles house to here, only two minutes to bleed out… So assuming Spike is already out the door, then I'll be hanging up in a minute to cut my leg open. You have sixty seconds to try to talk me out of it…starting now."

Buffy was right, Spike had turned and bolted as soon as the word 'turning' had come out of her mouth. The rest of the group sat in stunned silence for a moment before Anya broke the bubble with three softly spoken words. "Good luck, Buffy." And with that, the line went dead.

…

Spike ran. He ran as hard and as fast as his body would let him, and then he pushed it even further. He made it back to the house in four minutes and barely paused to get through the front door. Once inside, he was hit hard with the smell of fresh blood, a lot of it. He followed his nose and flew up the stairs and immediately went to bathroom where he was hit with an image that would haunt him until the day he dusted. Buffy, sitting in the bath tub in her pink bikini, unconscious and completely surrounded in blood. It was pooling in the tub and running down the drain as it poured out of her leg. Buffy still held the dagger she had used to open her artery limply in one hand, while the other arm hung out of the tub along with her head. She had already lost so much blood and Spike could barley make out a heartbeat.

He practically slid across the bathroom floor to get to her. He sat her up and shook her. "Buffy! Buffy open your eyes please, luv!" He begged as he felt the tears leak out of his own. He heard her moan before her eyes fluttered open. She looked at him but was unable to focus on his face.

"Love you…sor…sorry…," Buffy was barley able to whisper before her eyes shut again and her head lolled forward.

"Fuck! BUFFY!" he yelled as he heard her heart falter. A litany of cuss words flew through his brain, but he was finally able to make the decision to act. Still holding her up, he brought his wrist to his mouth and bit down. He felt his own blood well up in his mouth as he brought Buffy closer to him and hold her still. When he held his bleeding wrist up to her lips, she automatically latched on and began to drink down his blood in large gulps. He was relieved that he wasn't too late, but still terrified by the entire situation. Spike began to rock them gently side to side while he murmured words of love and encouragement into Buffy's ear the entire time. He could feel himself tiring slightly at his own blood loss, but refused to take his wrist away. The more she took, the stronger she would be when she rose, and hopefully more like her old self. He refused to mess this up.

When her heart stopped and he felt her go limp, Spike let his wrist drop as he sobbed against her. Unsure of how long he lay there beside the tub, he was barley aware of the presence of someone else in the bathroom until he heard the door close. Looking up, he saw Giles standing by the sink, his face a mask of horror.

"Good lord, she really did it," he whispered as he came closer to the pair.

Spike growled as his gameface sprang forward and Giles paused. "I'll take care of her, just go," he demanded before turning his back on Giles again.

Giles could tell a man on the edge when he saw one, and he knew Spike meant business. So with one more look at the girl he considered his daughter, he turned to leave, pausing with his hand on the knob. "Did you make it in time?" he asked over his shoulder.

Spike swallowed around the lump in his throat, not taking his eyes off of Buffy's body. "Yeah, it's done."

With a heavy heart, Giles left the two alone in the bathroom to go and break the news to everyone who was waiting downstairs.