Sonic's Insane Life-By InuSonishaUnlimited
Disclaimer: I don't own SEGA or their characters. Also, there are some characters that are not mine in this story, some of which came from DeviantART or otherwise. I will point out these characters and their creators, so that they recieve their credit. Either way...that's done.
Summary: Basically put, this story is all about insane, crazy adventures that Sonic and his friends go through in his life. Lots of craziness ensues here, so here's the lowdown: This is M-rated, so kiddies should stay away. There is Strong Language, Strong Violence, Nudity, Sex and Absolue Insanity. Flames will be punished with a harsh message from me, so think twice about doing it. I take suggestions for characters to show up or scenarios, but otherwise, have fun and hope you enjoy!
News Update- The second season of Sonic's Insane Life begins now! Welcome! More insanity, more cursing, more sex! What more can you ask for?
InuSonishaUnlimited: No commentary this time, we're gonna get straight to it.
Insane Day 21: One Reality Of A Headache Show
The afternoon seemed to be full of surprises for Sonic and his friends. A stray tornado from Windy Valley prompted some early panic, but somehow the windy cone sweeped past Tails' house and created a cool watery cone in the sea. Sonic simply cocks his head before turning back to go in the house. That's when the stranger of the day shows up, some guy dressed in a black suit and a black beret. "Well, the world-famous hedgehog, Sonic! Pleasure to meet you!" he yells, freaking out the hedgehog. "Ahh! What the...?" Sonic says, coming face-to-face with a little white card. "Major Productions, Director of Grande Reality, a corporation created to pump out some great reality television. Which brings me to why I'm here, Mr. Hedgehog! I want you and all of your friends living with you to star in my upcoming show!" he says. "No way." Sonic says, walking away with the director in hot pursuit. "But why not!? This is the opportunity of a lifetime!" he says. "Reality tv shows suck ass. No way." Sonic says.
"Have you seen my shows? Such as the Ocean Deal?" he asks, referencing a show where some people get together and live in a seaside apartment. "Sucked ass." Sonic says. "The Sky Life?" he asks, referencing a show where some people get together and live in a floating castle. "Sucked major ass!" Sonic says. "Please, Mr. Hedgehog! You must do this! Think of the money!" he says. "I'm already rich." Sonic says. "Think of the fame!" he says. "I'm already up to my knees in fans." Sonic says. "Then what of those fans!? Do this for them!" he says. "...No way." Sonic says, walking inside. "Who was that?" F. Tails asks Sonic. "A man with dreams...dreams I'll be no part of. Wants to put us in a reality tv show." Sonic says. "Us?" F. Tails asks. "Well, everyone else that lives here too." Sonic says. "Reality tv shows? Don't they suck?" she asks. "Exactly why I don't want to be a part of it." Sonic says. "Please, Mr. Hedgehog! Please!!" the director continues to beg. About an hour later...
"ALL RIGHT!! ALL RIGHT!! YOU WIN!!! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!" Sonic yells. "Heh, I knew you'd see things my way, Mr. Hedgehog. Please sign here on the dotted line...what are you doing?" he asks. "What, you thought I was stupid enough to not read the contract? Feh, get real." Sonic says, putting on tiny glasses and looking at the contract. "ONE YEAR?! ARE YOU INSANE?!" Sonic asks. "Of course not, our shows cover an entire year of activity, so that's the deal." he says. "Aw man...all right, all right...for the fans..." Sonic says, writing his name in red ink. "Thank you, Mr. Hedgehog. Trust me, you won't even know that we're here." the director says before dashing to his limo and out of the area. "Guys?! Can you gather here?" Sonic asks, watching Rouge, Natasha, Zeta, Blaze, Shadow, M. Tails and Silver walk towards F. Tails and himself. "We're gonna be in a reality tv show for a bit..." Sonic says, looking at the groaning expressions. "Yeah, I know...but if we don't like it, we can get rid of him. Just come to me about any issues you have, okay?" Sonic asks, looking at the nods.
The first few days of the reality show filming are pretty okay, but then the director gets the idea of filming some "personal" business in Sonic's life. This would not swing too well with anyone as a result. For once, Sonic decides to take a bath, rather than a shower with some healing herbs in the water. "Whew...that takes the headache right out of me..." Sonic says, the warm water almost lulling him to sleep until he sees the door opening. Turns out it's Rouge, bringing a smile to Sonic's face. "Did I take too long?" Sonic asks, his jaw dropping when Rouge drops her towel. "Just thought I'd join you, hmm?" she says. "So you have spoken it, so let it be done." Sonic says with a comically serious tone before moving up a bit. She steps in and looks to him amorously. He looks to her with the same expression as Rouge slows wipes down her body with a soapy cloth, being extra suggestive about it as she slowly turns her body a bit. It's too much for Sonic, who already feels himself getting hard before she stops beating around the bush.
"Oh my God, I can't take it anymore!" Sonic says, turning Rouge to face him and kissing her tenderly. Rouge returns the kiss, laying on top of his body and tightly holding his head. It's only a matter of time before he's entered her and holding her lower body, pumping her quickly and deeply. "Oh, that's the way! More, Sonic! More!" Rouge yells out, bouncing her big tits against Sonic's face as he increases his speed. She drains the water in the tub and turns her body to face his horn, sucking it quickly. Sonic sticks his tongue into her vagina and licks thoroughly, listening to Rouge's muffled moaning as she continued. She's laying on her back as he grabs her hips, gasping when his horn penetrates her anus and moaning once his rhythm got started. "It's so tight inside you, Rouge!" Sonic yells. "I can be as tight as you want, Sonic! Go faster!" Rouge yells, making it tighter inside her as Sonic went faster. Sonic clenches his teeth from the increased tightness, yet continues to go on. Rouge gets him back on his back and goes for the reverse cowgirl position, with Sonic going in her anus again as she moves her lower region repeatedly.
This doesn't go on from there because as soon as Sonic rises up slowly to grab hold of her body, he sees a little glimmer out of the slightly-opened door. "What the...?!" Sonic yells, unintentionally making Rouge bend his horn from the sudden rise. "AUGH!" Sonic yells, coming back down on his back. "Oh my god, are you all right!?" Rouge asks, pulling out and bending down to his face, her butt in prime camera range for the perverted camera guys to record for the reality tv show. Now Sonic recalled having a conversation with the director about this sort of thing. "Now then, you need to respect my privacy and not record any personal business." Sonic says. "Of course, that is a no-brainer. Trust me, my cameramen won't even think of taping your tender times." the director says.
Well, those same cameramen were taping them as Rouge holds Sonic up off the bath floor, the camera zooming in to her breasts. Sonic snaps out of it and dashes out the door, making Rouge close her eyes each time she hears a savage scream and blow from his titanium bat. The poor cameramen never stood a chance, their unconscious bodies laying outside after Sonic threw them out the window. An embarassed Sonic quickly returns to the bathroom, Rouge waiting for him in the empty tub. "Rouge, I'm sorry! We need to cut it short, I'm afraid, cause I need to kick me some directing ass!" Sonic yells, dashing to kiss her cheek before running out. "Aww...we usually get another hour or so in too..." Rouge says, her ears lowering as she turns on the water.
That wouldn't be the only time they crossed the line, however. In a heated moment between M. Tails and Cosmo, after her sister Cosmia went shopping, M. Tails had her on her front, pushing into her vagina like there was no tomorrow. "So good, Tails! So good! Faster!" she yells, the fox gladly increasing his speed. That is, until he hears an unusual noise coming from the closet. When he slowly pulls out, he walks over and opens the door, seeing nothing at all. Turth is, the camera guys were clinging to the ceilings and walls. Sure enough, M. Tails didn't notice and went back to the job at hand, laying on his back as Cosmo sucked on him while fingering herself, the cameramen gladly recording it. Suddenly, the door to the room swings open with Sonic bearing his sacred titanium bat. "Whoa, have you ever heard of knocking!? Sonic...?" M. Tails shouts, watching the hedgehog open the closet and smash the skulls of the three cameramen stuffed inside. When they all run out, he listens to the savage screaming as Sonic beats them to death, their bodies flying out of the window. The smashing of camera equipment echoes before all is silent, until Sonic walks in with bloody hands and blood on his face a bit. "gasp...gasp...Sorry. Continue on...as you were..." Sonic says, walking out of the room, leaving M. Tails and Cosmo very confused.
For some help, the blue hedgehog heads out of the house to seek the advice of his close friend, Tikal. She was always available for advice when he needed it, so he figured she'd know what to do. He was wise to catch her on days that Knuckles pissed her off, listening to her anger before the tranquil voice returns to help him. When he enters the Floating Island area, Knuckles has just flown off, allowing Sonic to enter the Island. When he enters, he notices that Tikal isn't in the usual spot. "Hmm...I guess she's not around..." Sonic says sadly, turning around towards the pools of water near the Master Emerald shrine. An action replay of a previous moment occurs as Sonic's head collides with Tikal. The difference is that while Sonic bumped into Rouge's fleshy valley while it was covered, he bumps into Tikal's tits while they're uncovered, since she just walked out of the pool. "Sonic, is that you?" Tikal asks, apparently just fine with the fact that Sonic's face was buried in her boobs. "AHH! SO SORRY!" he yells, turning away, utterly embarassed. When he feels a hand on his shoulder he turns to a very calm Tikal. "Don't worry about it, at least you were unintentional. That red idiot does it almost everyday...so, what can I help you with?"
Meanwhile, Silver and Blaze were sitting downstairs, looking at some of the director's reality tv shows. "Man, Sonic was right...this shit is awful." Silver says. "Yeah, change the channel." Blaze says, watching him turn to the football game as M. Tails walks in with a jersey and some popcorn. "Awesome, the game is on! Shad, come on!" he yells, Shadow entering with a similar jersey and waffles. "Awesome. Good on ya, Silver." Shadow says, passing him and Blaze team jerseys as he sits with M. Tails. "Do you guys always watch the game?" Blaze asks. "Yes, it is our duty to curse, cheer and cry at opposing teams from beyond a plasma screen." M. Tails says. "Plus, it's fun." Shadow says. Silver gladly puts on the jersey and takes in the game, enjoying the display of men colliding with each other over the pigskin. It amuses him for some reason, watching these fools nearly kill each other for the thrill of the game...and those multi-million dollar contracts.
The score is tied, with M. Tails' favorite team only a few yards away from a touchdown. "If they miss this, I'm losing all hope..." he says. "Don't worry about it, they'll make it." Shadow says. "Not looking to go to me..." Silver says, looking intently at the screen. "sigh...Boys will be boys..." Blaze says, somewhat paying attention. They don't make it and a very irritated M. Tails storms into the kitchen, the censoring machine overheating from the amount of swearing coming from his mouth. "MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLES! CAN'T GET ONE FUCKING TOUCHDOWN, LIKE IT'S SOME SHITTY ASS HARD JOB! DAMN IT ALL, THEY WERE SO FUCKING CLOSE!!" M. Tails shouts after the machine has died. Shadow, Blaze and Silver take cover behind the couch as M. Tails raves on while emitting dangerous explosive waves everywhere. The living room remains unscathed as he continues his mad stomping.
Back to Sonic, who was with Tikal on the Floating(not really, it's bridged off)Island. For whatever reason, she allows him to lay his head on her naked tits, the softness of them providing unusual comfort for him. "Are you sure this is all right with you?" he asks. "I don't mind at all. So, what's bothering you?" she asks, slowly stroking his quills back. "This evil director of a reality tv show series started one with my friends and I. Problem is, his perverted cameramen are recording...personal moments that I have." he says. "Oh my god, they're recording you having sex?" she asks, hitting the nail on the head. "Basically, yes. I've already had to beat about ten camera guys shitless." he says. "Aw, that's awful. How long are they there for?" she asks. "A long while...I should get rid of him..." Sonic says, getting up and looking to Tikal.
"If everyone else is just as bothered, you're right. Plus, reality tv shows suck anyway." Tikal says, getting up as well. "I know, right? Thanks for the advice, Tikal." Sonic says, smiling. "It's my pleasure. Anytime there's something wrong, you know where to find me." she says, holding the blue hedgehog. "So, how are things with you and Knuckles going?" he says, returning the hug and blushing from the feeling of her breasts on his chest. "We're doing all right, aside from his general trait of being wild...other than that, swimmingly." she says, letting him go and straightening out his quills. "You sure like to act motherly with me..." Sonic says as she brushes his shoulders off. "Hmm...there, okay. Go on and head out before Knuckles comes back and suspects something." Tikal says jokingly. They both laugh a bit, the warm breeze blowing past them and making their quills and dreads blow by.
"Yeah, but he already knows that we're really close friends." Sonic says. "You know how he is, though. Well, catch you later. Maybe I'll be a little wet the next time you stop by..." Tikal says, both suggestively and jokingly placing her arms around his neck. "Makes me kinda anxious for our next meeting, baby..." Sonic says in a similar manner, lightly stroking her thighs and rear before snapping back to attention. "Heh, a little outta control there. Later!" Sonic says, surprised by her kiss on his cheek. "Later...maybe tomorrow? Hmm?" she says, her hand stroking across his cheek before she slowly walks off, Sonic's eyes fixated on her swaying hips before he dashes home. When he gets there, he enters the house, listening to M. Tails still cursing. "They lost?" Sonic asks Shadow and Silver, who nod a positive "yes" while stick ducking behind the couch. "Figured as much...better head upstairs." Sonic says, walking up the steps to the concerned faces of F. Tails, Rouge, Natasha and Zeta.
"What's the matter?" Sonic asks, even though he kinda has a clue. "Sonic, I think those guys need to go..." F. Tails says. "What did they do?" Sonic asks, already realizing this reality tv show gig was wearing thin very quickly. "We were trying to get dressed earlier, but..." Rouge starts. "We heard shuffling behind the door leading to the hallway..." Natasha says. "And it turned out to be some of those cameramen..." Zeta says. "Did you strike them with the bat?" Sonic asks. "Yes, we did, but we're concerned now, Sonic." F. Tails says. "Okay, okay...that does it." Sonic says, red-hot flames covering his body. "Ohh, he's on fire! That is awesome!" Natasha says, enjoying the very pissed off Sonic. "What are you gonna do?" F. Tails asks. "That director is gonna get my foot up his ass, then he and his perverts are getting outta this house!" Sonic yells. "All right! Do you need any help?" Zeta asks mischievously. "If you know about faulty and dangerous wiring and loose floorboarding, welcome aboard." Sonic says, walking into the hallway. Shadow meets him there and after a light conversation, he joins in on the battle against the cameras.
Over the next few days, the cameramen were being attacked in the strangest of circumstances. Whether it was falling through floors, getting shocked with lethal voltage from sockets, falling ceiling fans chopping them up, it was hell on Earth. It became too much for the cameramen, who made their exit and headed to the director. "What do you mean you quit!? Unsafe!? I'll check it out!!" he says, entering the house. From small holes in the walls shine evil eyes as the Looney Tunes murderous mice make their appearance. Before his night is over, the director takes many shots from shotguns, gets chopped by a falling guillotine and branded by a framing iron reading "MURDER". He makes it out of the house but once outside, Sonic and Shadow land the finishing blow with a falling tree. He's dead and the reality tv show is over, as well as the cancellation of the other shows within a few days. "Remember kids, murdering is wrong. Unless someone invades your privacy and makes you mad, don't do it. Good kids don't murder." Sonic says, holding a sign that reads "We aren't good kids here".
-Next time, a simple day with Tikal turns into passion and Sonic fights Metallias in the same way as Nazo; Family Guy: Chicken Fight style.
InuSonishaUnlimited: That was wicked.
Sonic: Passion? Between...?
InuSonishaUnlimited: Heh, I'll give five bucks to whoever can guess that.
Weresheep: Ohh, five dollars? That's it?
InuSonishaUnlimited: I'll give you ten bucks!
Sonic: That's a whole week's salary here on this job.
InuSonishaUnlimited: What are you complaining about? Fights, fun and all the women you can ask for...
Anth: Better than being a hobo.
InuSonishaUnlimited: Hobos are destined for nothing...
Sonic: So sad...now about those ten bucks...
InuSonishaUnlimited: I'll end up giving the answer in the next Day anyway, but I'm curious.
Sonic: See that, readers? He's calling you out!
Weresheep: I think I know the answer...
Sonic: Well, there goes ten bucks...