Eyes closed, still, Izzie lay in bed sleeping, exhausted from the mountain of tests they'd run on her through the night. Gently Alex ran a cool damp cloth across her forehead, down her face and around her neck. She still had a fever, the meds she was on weren't working, nothing it seemed was working. She'd had four more seizures since arriving at the hospital, and the only cause for them they could find was she was sick. There was nothing wrong with her head, the problems were all in her lungs.

A chest x-ray confirmed she had pneumonia, a diagnosis which made Alex want to hit his head against something, made him feel like he should have acted sooner, trusted his gut more. He'd known she'd had it, when he'd listened to her breathing earlier that night he'd heard it, he'd wanted to go to the hospital then but she'd said she was fine, that she didn't want to. He'd listened to her, he'd given her what she wanted because he always gave her what she wanted. This time though it hadn't done either of them any good.

Carefully he dipped his cloth back into the tray of ice water, squeezed it and began running it over Izzie's body again. It was a process he'd been doing all night, ever since they'd settled her into a room four hours ago. He knew he should probably stop, get some sleep, that it wasn't really helping but he couldn't stop. This was his fault, he'd done this to her, he needed to make her better.

"Alex," Izzie whispered her voice quiet and horse. She opened her eyes and gazed at the man sitting beside her. She could see the worry and fatigue across his face. "Go to sleep." He didn't need to be doing this to himself; she smiled at him and watched him shake his head.

"No," he whispered rubbing the cloth back over her face. "I'm okay." He lent forward, kissed her and she tried to push herself up.

"No you've been…up all night…go to sleep." She gave him a smile and reached for his hand, she squeezed it; she wanted him to know she was alright. "I'm okay." She told him.

He smiled back at her but her words didn't convince him, with every word she spoke her stats seemed to drop a little. It did nothing to ease his concerns but at the same time he couldn't deny how exhausted he was. "Okay," he said after a moment. "Move over." He climbed on the bed beside her and she curled up around him. He ran his hand through her hair and gently started rubbing the back of her neck. "Iz," He whispered feeling her relax against him. "I'm going to go to sleep now but you have to promise to stop talking."

"Okay," She whispered and within minutes she'd drifted back to sleep. Alex stayed awake a little longer, he watched her stats come back up and level off. When he was sure she was alright he closed his eyes and let sleep take hold.

***

Izzie lay awake in bed, it was the early hours of the morning, through her window she could just see the hint of light telling her the sun was raising. It had been four days since Alex had rushed her to the hospital; four days since the careful plans she'd made had been turned upside down and thrown sideways. She wasn't getting better, they hadn't told her point blank but she could feel it.

She didn't just have the flu anymore, instead the virus had settled deep into her lungs and had taken hold of her. It was getting harder for her to breathe, she felt like she was suffocating, and she was so tired. Slowly she lifted her hand and stared at her fingers, there was a light blue tinge to them, a sign her body was still not getting enough oxygen.

"Alex," She reached for the mask and pulled it a little from her face, "Alex," She'd been doing a lot of thinking over night about what she wanted, about what was most important to her and what was happening to her.

***

Izzie's voice, barely louder than a whisper woke Alex from his restless sleep, he pulled his chair up against her bed and reached for her hand. "Yes Iz," he said not wanting her to talk more than necessary.

"I," She looked him straight in the eye and grasped for his hands, "I want…" She couldn't get more than a few words out before needing to stop for air.

"It's okay," he told her, "Take your time." He didn't want her to stress herself, he was well aware of how sick she was. She nodded at him and tried to catch her breath; she gulped down air and then started coughing.

***

The coughing was scary, she couldn't breathe and cough at the same time, in between each burse she'd gasp for air. She couldn't get enough into her body though. Alex stood up and helped her lean forward, he rubbed her back and tried to help work the sputum out of her lungs. She hacked up a mouthful and spat it into the dish he held before falling back against the bed.

She reached for the oxygen mask and held it tight against her face, she tried to suck in as much oxygen as could while Alex continued to rub her back.

"Just breathe," he was telling her, "Don't try to talk just breath." She didn't argue with him, she couldn't but she hadn't told him what she wanted to.

She was still lying like that when Dr Bailey arrived at the door, she was holding a folder and a large envelope.

"Alex, Izzie," she said walking into the room. "I have your labs and chest x-ray." The way she said the words, the tone in her voice said the news wasn't good. Slowly she began explaining what the lab results meant, her body wasn't responding to the treatment, there were indications of a secondary infection, and she now had something called acute respiratory distress syndrome.

At those words she felt Alex grip tighter onto her hand and they both watched as the x-ray was placed in the light box. From where she sat she could see the pneumonia spreading, the cloudy area at the base of her lungs had expanded to cover almost half the area.

"I'm going to order a high dose broad spectrum antibiotic to treat the secondary infection." Bailey started telling them. "I'm not going to wait for the cultures to come back. Hopefully your body will respond to it however," She paused before continuing, "I don't think we can wait that long."

She began talking in words which went right over Izzie's head but Alex seemed to understand them, she watched the colour in his face begin to drain and felt the grip around her hand tighten.

"Your body is not absorbing enough oxygen." Bailey said beginning to talk in words she understood. "That's why your fingers are looking blue." Izzie nodded, she knew that, she didn't need the doctor telling her she was sick, she could feel it with every breath she took. "It's not good, we need to fix it now." She paused a moment, looked at Alex and then back at her. "It's time we talked about mechanical ventilation."

Mechanical ventilation, the words sent a bolt of fear running through Izzie. She knew what these words meant, it was the correct way of saying they wanted to put her to sleep and stick a tube down her throat.

"We'll be able to control the pressure in your lungs, it'll help open them up and get more oxygen absorbed into your blood." Bailey continued saying trying to sell the idea to her but it wasn't what she wanted.

"No," She said beginning to shake her head

"Izzie," She heard Alex say as he griped hold of her.

"It won't hurt," Bailey cut in thinking that was the problem, "We'll sedate you before we put it in."

"No," She shook her head again, it wasn't the pain she was afraid of, she was afraid if they put her to sleep she'd never wake up again.

"Izzie it will help," Alex tried to reassure her but it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"No," She closed her eyes and let tears form, she didn't want the ventilator, she had to tell Alex what she wanted, what she'd been thinking about all night. "I want…" She had to get the sentence out without coughing, without losing her breath. "I want to go to…the beach." She looked to Alex and hoped he understood what she was saying but he didn't, he looked back at her confused.

"You can't go to the beach Iz." He told her trying to smile. The look on his face said he had no idea what she was saying.

"Married…naked…on the beach…now." Saying those words was so hard, it was the closest she'd come to saying what she feared most out loud. Alex understood her now, the look on his face said he understood.