The carriage ride home felt even longer than the carriage ride to Derby Castle. I think it was because I was more excited to return to what was familiar that run headlong into what was unknown, especially after the bizarre few days I just experienced. I gained an amazing new friend, a hateful new enemy and may have encouraged an unwelcome new suitor. As the carriage rumbled on I thought more about Simon Knightsly, and the more I thought about him the more I thought that maybe I had made a mistake about not encouraging him. He was handsome, strong, kind and came from the perfect family. Maybe if I gave him a chance then I would start to feel those butterflies in my stomach. All relationships and marriages take work, don't they? And we would have a more solid foundation than other aristocratic marriages, we have a friendship and a mutual respect, and that could develop into affection and…love, right? I was no closer to coming up with a plan or having any answers when the carriage finally rolled through our village.
I opened the carriage window wider to allow that faint whiff of ocean air to fill the interior and the smell just became more intoxicating as we approached home. Seeing our estate and the familiar surroundings and to smell the ocean air, I was immediately relaxed. The tension that had filled my body over the last few days seemed to melt away. But that relaxed feeling was quickly replaced with an excited flutter as I caught sight of Elijah waiting to greet us on the front steps.
He was dressed simply in dark brown breeches, a white linen shirt opened at the top to show a peek at his chest and a dove grey doublet that was left unlaced. When the carriage stopped my father was the first to exit and he turned to help my mother down the steps, but Elijah had walked toward the carriage and offered me his hand before my father could. My breath caught in my throat at seeing his face break out into a bright smile so close to mine, and the electricity I felt as his hand grasped mine was almost palpable. I had to shake myself and remember to step down the carriage stairs and not simply stand there staring at him. It struck me that I was in this exact situation four days ago with Simon helping me to exit the carriage, and even though the situation was similar, the feelings couldn't be more different.
"I would wager you are happy to be home Miss Forbes" Elijah said to me once I was out of the carriage
"Oh you have no idea" I sighed, suddenly exhausted by just thinking of the ups and downs of the past few days
"Well it sounds like you have a few stories to tell me" Elijah laughed as we followed my parents up the steps and into the sitting room.
Thankfully upon entering I saw that a maid had already set out tea and a light luncheon. It was amazing how sitting in a rumbling carriage all day could make someone so tired, but I was also emotionally tired from the politics of the relationship changes. It was so nice just to sit with my parents and Elijah and enjoy tea and food in comfort. I removed my hat and gloves and vest and set them on a table by the door and began pouring tea for Elijah and myself while my mother did the same for her and my father.
"Cream, no sugar?" I asked Elijah as he stood next to me looking over the food. He gave me a strange look and then nodded. I finished the tea and handed him his cup and he handed me a plate of food. I looked down at the plate and was happy to see a variety of my favorites; I smiled to myself as I took a seat next to him with my own tea cup and plate.
We spent an enjoyable hour conversing about the weekend at Derby castle, and my father was very pleased with the progress Elijah had made with his trade captains. The details Elijah was given about Derby castle painted our trip in a very pleasant light and the look he sent my way after a while told me he knew he wasn't being given the whole story. I leaned forward under the guise of returning my teacup to its saucer on the table and I muttered to him under my breath, "I will tell you later", at which he nodded. Before long my mother couldn't stop yawning and she decided to retire to her chamber to rest. We all decided that dinner that night would be informal so no one needed to worry about when to awake. My father wanted to get some work done before he retired as well so he and Elijah disappeared to his study.
Left alone in the sitting room I decided to go up and visit with Gloria and see baby Maria for a little while before retiring myself. Upon opening the door Gloria's face lit up with a smile and she reached for me to hug me and pulled me into the room. I had hoped to sit and visit with her and the baby but Gloria was quite busy taking care of Maria because she had a bit of a fever so I didn't stay long, I gave Gloria a hug and kissed little Maria on the forehead before going to my chamber. Mary was busily putting away all of my gowns and other things I had taken on our trip, so I sleepily conversed with her until she was done and then she unlaced my traveling gown so I could lay down and rest. I was asleep almost before my head landed on the pillow.
I woke up slowly and lazily, stretching to my full length with a moan. I had slept heavily, and judging by the lack of light coming through the curtains, for at least a few hours. I looked around the room and noticed that Mary had blown out most of the candles and the fire had died down, and listening for any sounds beyond my door told me that the rest of the house was silent. Unfortunately, as the rest of the house slept quietly, I was now wide awake and feeling restless. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, got to my feet and walked over the cold stone floor over to one of my windows that faced the ocean. I unlatched the lock and opened it wide and closed my eyes as the ocean breeze hit me full force. The temptation was too great, so I slid my feet into a pair of walking slippers and donned my dressing gown over my shift before hurrying out of my chamber, down the stairs and out the door. I didn't see either of my parent's or Elijah so I couldn't ask permission, and I reasoned that it would just be rude to interrupt someone while they are resting. The house had been dark as I ran through it but once I was outside the bright moon lit the way and I had walked this same path to the cliffs so much that a permanent dirt trail had formed.
When I was little my parents would have to fight to keep me out of the ocean, and every nanny and governess I had ever had had found themselves up their knees in ocean water trying to get to me. Once I had reached the cliffs I looked around me and back to the grounds leading back to the estate. A few trees dotted the landscape in this direction, but the majority of the tree cover was to the west side of the estate lining the forest. The grounds were deserted and the moon was bright and high in the sky, casting a bluish magical glow over the landscape and the warm breeze blowing off the ocean was all the encouragement I needed. I hurriedly walked down the cliff a few hundred more yards and found the hidden trail that led down to the beach. Luckily the cliff sloped to this point or the rock path would have been impossible to maneuver, but I hardly needed any light to know my way down after all these years. I removed my slippers as the grassy cliff gave way to the surprisingly cool sand and let the grains work their way between my toes. The sand was wet from the recent high tide so the sand stuck to my feet and calves as I made my way to the edge of the water.
I braced myself as a wave made its way up the sand toward me but I still wasn't prepared for the icy grip of the water on my toes. But I took a deep breath and held up the hem of my shift and walked toward the retreating water. The cold water was like a jolt to my system, making me feel alive. After making it to the water up to my calves I realized the water wasn't as cold as I had originally thought, it was cool and invigorating and much too tempting. I let the hem of my shift fall into the water and took one last deep breath, steeling myself, before diving into a small incoming wave. The shock of the water took my breath away. I had to come to the surface quickly to breathe, my breaths shallow with the effort of staying warm in the cold water, but after a few minutes of treading I wasn't shivering anymore. I dove down again and again into the black water, reveling in the freedom and the rebellion. After swimming for a while I decided to float on my back.
Thoughts of Simon and Elijah kept me preoccupied for a while as I stared at the moon above me, so preoccupied that I didn't see how far I had drifted from the shore. As it occurred to me to check for the shore I found myself forced underwater, being turned around and around by a giant wave. I was surrounded by pure blackness and after being spun and forced under so deep, I wasn't sure which direction the surface was. I kicked and treaded my arms as my lungs burned, with little success. I began to panic as I ran out of air and water filled my nose and lungs in a moment of weakness. The blackness of the water began to give way to a blackness that crept over my vision and my head started to feel fuzzy and incredibly heavy. My limbs felt as if they had turned to stone and the burning in my lungs faded as exhaustion took over. I found one last ounce of strength left in me to take a few more strokes but the blackness was absolute. I felt a pang of regret as I realized I was drowning, but it was surprisingly peaceful and I couldn't fight anymore. So I let my eyes close and my body drift…
Something was trying to pull me from my peaceful sleep. It was like a voice in the distance. It sounded wonderfully familiar but I couldn't bring myself to move toward it. That voice held the taunt of consciousness. I shied away from it. My limbs and head were heavy with exhaustion and oblivion held such appeal. Consciousness seemed too cold and loud, but I could feel it take hold of me, pulling me suddenly forward until I was coughing up lungful's of water as it streamed out of my nose and ears. I could feel someone's arms around me, strong and warm arms that were helping me to get grounded, and a voice that I could barely hear over the roar in my ears. I forced my eyes to open and I saw Elijah's face inches from mine, his head blocking the moons light.
I offered a small smile, but when I tried to open my mouth to talk I found that my throat was too raw and I only rasped and I ended up coughing. He shushed me.
"Do not attempt to talk Caroline, at least for a little while" he said a little breathlessly, so I nodded in response. For some reason my body started to shake and I started to feel panic settle over my body, my breathing speeding up, even though it killed my throat to breathe so rapidly. My trembling hands reached up and twisted themselves in Elijah's shirt as he gathered me closer to him. He lifted me more fully onto his lap and my head fell against his chest as his arms wrapped around me.
"Caroline, sweetheart, you need to focus your breathing and try and calm yourself" Elijah murmured to me, but the sound came out rumbly as my head was against his chest.
"How?" I was able to rasp out
"Focus on my voice, my arms around you... the sand... the sound of the waves. Match your breathing to the rhythm of the waves" he murmured calmly. I closed my eyes and did as he asked, I tried listening to the waves, but they brought on another wave of panic as I thought about what almost happened. So instead I focused on matching my breathing to Elijah's. As he inhaled I forced my shaky lungs to match his, and after a few minutes I didn't need to force it anymore and the shaking had subsided.
"What happened?" I asked him in a more steady voice, without lifting my head from his chest
"I saw you leave the estate, I couldn't sleep either, and my window faces the ocean like yours. I saw you run across the grass in the direction of the cliffs and you seemed as though you didn't want to be detected so naturally I was curious. I watched you walk along the cliffs and then it looked as though you climbed down them. When I couldn't see you anymore I followed you. I got to the cliffs and saw you in the water, swimming. I knew it wasn't safe to leave you by yourself… Thank god I stayed Caroline, I cant imagine-" his voice, so steady during his story, turned a bit breathless at the end and his grip around me tightened and his words trailed off.
"How did you find me? Once I was…under" unable to say the word drowning.
"You had drifted out a bit far, but I could see that you were a strong swimmer so I wasn't unduly worried until I saw that wave forming. It was an unnatural wave Caroline, it appeared so suddenly and then completely died by the time it hit the shore. But when you didn't resurface right away I knew something was wrong. I didn't even think I just ran. I reached the water and dove in your direction. I swam and swam until I found you, and I would've kept swimming. I pulled you out of the water and started pumping your chest and breathing into your mouth and… I- I didn't know if you would open your eyes Caroline"
"I'm so sorry Elijah," I tightened my grip on his shirt and he ran a hand up and down my back, "I never should have been out here alone after dark. It was stupid and thoughtless and-", I found myself crying silently with regret.
"Don't cry sweetheart. You didn't intentionally hurt yourself; this was a freak act of nature. I just- Caroline I haven't been that scared in a very long time. Even in situations when I probably should feel fear, it doesn't compare to the terror I felt at losing you." I lifted my head quickly and looked at him more fully, seeing the war going on across his features, no doubt not even coming close to the war raging inside his head. I slid my hands from his chest up to his shoulders before hesitantly bringing them around his neck, my fingers sliding into his long wet hair. His eyes closed and he let out a shaky breath.
I needed to apologize again; I hated putting that look on his face.
"Elijah I-", but before I could finish my apology he had crashed his lips against mine with a desperate need. One of his hands slid up my back to cradle my neck as the other tightened around my waist, bring my body flush against his. His lips were surprisingly soft yet urgent against mine, coaxing my lips into a dance against his and when his lips opened I copied his motion. The kiss that started out desperate turned into something softer and deeper as his tongue tentatively danced against mine, as if asking silent permission. I answered with my own and followed his lead. When his hand at my neck fisted into my hair I arched my body against his and I couldn't help the little moan that escaped my throat. His own moan was husky and he deepened the kiss, sending me to a place I had never been before. All that existed was him and me, his hands on me and our ragged breathing. I felt a heat pool deep in my stomach and a strange ache built within me that I had never felt before and I couldn't help as a second moan escaped my lips. Elijah slowed the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine as the kiss broke and I could catch my breath.
Our eyes found each other and we both smiled breathlessly. He leaned in for another gentle kiss that melted my heart.
"We should go back to the estate. You need to get warm" He said gently as his warm hands traveled down my arms
"I feel warm already" I said with a blush and Elijah laughed
"As do I" he replied. I got off his lap so he could stand and he reached his hand down to help me to my feet. I felt a bit unsteady on my feet but Elijah's hand never left mine as we walked a few yards down the sand to where my dressing gown and slippers were still folded. I looked down at my still wet shift and realized that it was nearly transparent, hiding nothing from Elijah's view, although it was a bit late to be embarrassed with him. He had just saved my life, for a second time, and he had just kissed me like his life depended on it. But I slid my arms into my dressing gown, grateful for the cover, and Elijah stepped forward to tie the ties in the front for me.
We linked hands again and made our way to the path that led up the cliff. We took our time and our hands never lost contact with each other, even all the way to the estate doors. I was suddenly brought out of our little bubble with the fear that my parents would be awake and would see us in our wet state and start to ask questions. At best I would be scolded for foolishness; at worst my virtue would be questioned and Elijah may be challenged. Elijah quietly opened the front door and stuck his head in to watch for anyone passing. He looked back at me and put his fingers to his lips, when I nodded he reached for my hand again and we hurried across the entranceway and had almost reached the stairs when we heard footsteps from upstairs and what sounded like the voice of our head butler and housekeeper. We quickly hurried down the hall and into a cloak closet just as we could hear them descending the stairs. The closet was small and dark and Elijah had my back pressed against his chest and his arm was wrapped around my waist holding me to him. I could feel his breath on my neck and that combined with our proximity had my breathing picking up again. When the pair stopped in front of the closet to talk I thought we would surely be discovered. I must have made a small noise because Elijah's free hand came up to cover my mouth and there was a pause in the outside conversation.
"Oh just do it tomorrow dear, there's no rush to get to it tonight. After all, the family will have a restful day tomorrow after so much traveling and excitement the past few days" our head butler said.
"Yes, I suppose your right, I just do hate to leave chores unfinished before bed" our housekeeper replied.
"And the family is lucky to have you," he responded with a good natured chuckle, "come I shall walk you to your door"
"Oh why thank you" and we heard their footsteps retreat down the hall.
I laid my hand over Elijah's where it rested across my waist and he removed his hand from my mouth.
"Let them get further away" he breathed in my ear, causing goosebumps to break out across my skin. I turned my face to the side to nod in affirmation but didn't expect his face to still be that close, and suddenly our little world from the beach settled around us once more. Our breaths mingled and his lips brushed against mine. Our lips barely touched but the dance continued, a tease from our earlier embrace. I tried to turn to face him but his grip on my waist tightened to prevent me from moving.
"We can't" was all he said before he released me, and I couldn't help the little stab of hurt that entered my chest at his rejection. He reached passed me and turned the handle of the door slowly. I stepped to the side so he could check the hallway. He opened the door wider and gestured that it was safe and he reached for my hand again but I walked right by him and made my way up the stairs quickly. I heard him curse under his breath and carefully close the closet door before hurrying after me. I was almost at my chamber door when he caught up to me.
He grabbed my upper arm and opened the door to my chamber and hurried us both inside before shutting the door. My chamber was even darker than it had been when I left earlier and I stumbled against a foot stool when he released me. I opened my mouth to protest but once again he had silenced me with a kiss. His hands were on either side of my face cradling my cheeks as the kiss instantly deepened. I covered his hands with my own before running them down his arms, over his shoulders and down to rest against his chest. I loved to feel the way his breathing quickened around me, to know that I affected him as much as he affected me. This kiss was different from the one on the beach. It wasn't hurried or desperate, it was slow and sweet and full of unspoken things that I couldn't even name. But that ache within me returned with a vengeance and I found my body moving against his of its own accord, as if it knew to do something that I didn't. Elijah spun us around and pressed me against the door. His hands traveled from my face, down my arms to settle at my waist as one of his legs pressed between mine. He broke away from the kiss after a while to look me in the eye.
"Caroline that was not a rejection downstairs. That was to help us from being detected because I didn't know if I started to kiss you again if I could stop myself" he said, his grip on my hips tightening.
"Oh" was all I could say, a bit breathlessly, and a bit ashamed at my assumption. He leaned his forehead against mine again and steadied his breathing as he closed his eyes.
"Especially now, it is the hardest test not to take more than I know you can give me" his closed eyes and mouth tensing under some strain
"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice small. I was afraid that I had done something wrong. I had never kissed anyone before and his pained expression was making me doubt myself. "Did I do something wrong?"
"What? No of course not" he laughed as his eyes opened to meet mine, one of the hands at my hip raised to stroke my cheek.
"Then why do you look troubled?"
"Because when a man forces himself to stop kissing a beautiful woman, it causes him pain sometimes" Elijah said with a smile, "You could never do anything wrong" he added
I smiled and leaned further into his touch, warmth radiating from his palm on my cheek. He leaned forward again but simply brushed his lips against mine in a brief kiss before releasing me.
"I should bid you goodnight now" he said
"Why?" I asked, the fog in my mind from our kiss not fully lifted yet
"Because if I don't leave soon I do not know if I will be able to" he said calmly, but the storm in his eyes betrayed him, I could see him battling with himself. I didn't want to cause him pain anymore so I simply nodded. He reached for me one last time and kissed me gently, lingering a bit, neither of us wanting to be the first to stop it. But then all too soon he had slipped through the door and he was gone.
I stared at the door for a moment, stuck in place by all that had happened tonight. What had started out so innocent and fun had turned deadly. And a treasured friendship had turned passionate as a result. I brought my fingers to my lips and I was surprised that they felt different, fuller. The only candle still lit in my room was the one closest to my bed so I carefully made my way over to it. I used that candle to light the two that stood on vanity to better see myself. I felt so different than I had just a small time ago, can one event really change you so much on the inside that it leaves a physical mark? Once the candles had been lit I looked at myself in the mirror. I found my lips looked a bit darker and fuller, my cheeks were full of color and my eyes were bright and wide. And my hair was an absolute fright! I groaned inwardly to realize this is what I had looked like for the last hour. I unlaced my dressing gown and let it fall from my shoulders and I planned on stripping off my damp and salty shift but something caught my eye. I leaned closer to the mirror and noticed something red along the neckline of my shift, and I stretched my neck further and saw that the same thing was under the side of my chin and faintly trailing down my neck. I took a cloth and wet it in the basin and washed my chin and neck. Examining the cloth and my shift I realized it was blood. I ran my hands along my hair and face and neck looking for a wound of some sort but I couldn't find anything. Elijah must have sustained a cut or wound when he was rescuing me. Why else would I have a blood trail running from my chin down to my neckline?
So it finally happened! The long awaited first kiss! I hope it was all that you were looking for. I battled with myself with the direction of this chapter for so long, I had like 5 possibilities and drafts that I was toying with. Let me know what you think!
Alsoooo I'v been in Niagara Falls for a week and still have a week to go, so just know that I love you all enough to write and post while I'm on vaca lol.
Read. Review. Enjoy!