Warning: Non-explicit mention of drug-use. I do not intend to disrespect anyone.

20. Bilingual

President Pegasex parted his slice of Hell gorgonzola cheese with his Hell fork, releasing a wisp of heat. He liked his Hell cheese microwaved as it was easier on his Hell dentures but his servants rarely ever got it the right temperature. He tasted the cheese, determined it was still too hot and placed the Hell fork back down.

"Are you serious?"

The demon incognito nodded, resisting the urge to shrink under the gaze of Hell's sexiest demon. Tristan had been trying to put off this conversation for as long as he could but the Hell Blackberry messages (HBBM) from his employer had become more frequent and the messages themselves more and more threatening. "In a short timeslime, the buttsmooch of the Heaven news spread the pissperm all over Heaven. Now the muthapounding dickless angels are freaking the shitstick out."

"And can you identify the culprit?" Only the sexiest Hell president of all time could get away with improper demon-tongue. But he didn't so much consider it 'improper demon-tongue' as his own special brand of speech, one in which the rest of Hell had to learn in order to communicate with him. Of course this exclusive education was only reserved for the higher, more attractive class of demons and thus when President Pegasex made his public speeches, he was always accompanied by a translator.

"I don't braindrain," Was the inevitable reply. Judging by that immensely attractive Hell face, Tristan could tell that wasn't what his president wanted to hear, but he had a back-up plan. Pulling his Hell briefcase onto his lap, Tristan undid the clasps, passed through the Hell fingerprint scan, retina scan, blood sample tester and spit tester and opened it. He produced a Hell manila envelope (which usually came in Christmas red) and tore it open. Inside was a black and white Hell picture, which he slid facedown towards Pegasex. "It's the shitskanking best facegrit we have of the assblower."

Pegasex flipped it over and studied it, his drop-double-dead-gorgeous face even more stunning when he concentrated. At one point, he frowned, which unnerved Tristan, but then his unbelievably beautiful face relaxed again. He gracefully put the picture back on his Hell mahogany desk. "I don't recognize him either. Chances are, he's one of the analprodoassers." He paused, biting the corner of his lip, "He certainly has the stature of one."

Tristan couldn't help a tinge of Hell jealousy. A compliment from Hell's sexpert himself, even a veiled one, was rare. "President Pegasex, do you braindrain how we can ID this shitslinger?"

"I am disappointed that you've gone through all this trouble and couldn't do that yourself."

"I'm butthurt, sir."

"As you should be." Pegasex leaned forward on his Hell mahogany desk, clasping both hands under his chin. The amazing face, even when stone-serious and burning Tristan with a focussed stare, was still perfect beyond words. "You don't seem to understand the severity of it. Or if you do, you're good at not caring. Something like this will destroy my campaign and take away every chance I have at winning this election. How long do you think this will be contained within Heaven? Word will leak and spread and be blown out of proportion. You will have to find a way to ID this demon discreetly."

The election. Was it that time of the century already? Maybe he'd been in Heaven longer than he'd thought. For the past couple of hundreds of years, Pegasex had always won. And it wasn't just his top-notch sex appeal and impeccable fashion-sense either. His charisma and leadership skills were unrivalled by any other and he could make anyone believe the Hell sky was the Hell sea and vice versa if he wanted to. Basically, he was god's gift to Hell.

But there was a chance that this year would be different. A demon matching Pegasex in almost every way had emerged out of nowhere, capturing the Hell hearts of many with his exotic style and effortless charm. And there were rumours that he already had a substantial following.

It was like the weight of Hell was dropped on his winged shoulders. Tristan's stomach churned. "That's penisally impossible, sir."

"Well find a way to make it possible. There's a reason you were hired as my staff and spy, Tristan. Unless you're telling me you've lost your touch, to which there's a line-up of demons that can rectify this." He flipped the picture face-down and slid it towards Tristan, leaning back in his chair, his wings curling around him like a cape.

The thick silence almost buzzed in his ears as Tristan considered the sheer magnitude of what he had to do. Figure out who this mystery demon was without anyone knowing. Basically asking without asking. He briefly questioned whether he should have said anything at all, report that all was fine and Hell dandy in Heaven. Then again, if the chaos that now racked Heaven leaked to Pegasex by someone else, this spy would be the first to get questioned.

A knock came at the door just as he reached for the picture and Pegasex gave the word for whomever on the other side to come in. The heavy Hell cedar doors opened with a whoosh, sending an unexpected blast of air into the now stuffy room. Before Tristan could grab the picture, it glided away from him, towards Pegasex. Irritated, Hell's president smacked at the flitting thing, trying to clamp it between his hand and the tabletop. But it eluded him enough for him to react frantically, giving another uncontrolled smack that sent it in the opposite direction of where he wanted it. Pegasex swatted at it like it was a Hell fly, leaping out of his seat as he did so.

Tristan and the newcomer watched on, awestruck by the sight of their eternally graceful leader disoriented and at a loss of control as one final smack sent it teetering over the edge of a window. It lay there for a moment, as if mocking some of Hell's most important demons before tipping over the edge. Pegasex Hell cursed and all but threw himself at the open window but it was too late. The picture was gone.

The top-secret-Yami-in-Heaven-champagne-double-killing picture was gone.

No demon could just walk up to the Red House and demand entry. Reapbecca knew this very well, and yet here she was, at the imposing iron gates of President Pegasex's abode, facing the four Hell guards that stood there. Maybe it was that blind drive she had for protecting her business. The manager of Hell's largest analprodoassing chain (ASS – Analprodoassers Services Selected) didn't get where she was by bending over backwards, even when she barely stood 5 Hell foot 2, had a Hell foot size of ladies 4, and a wingspan of 32.

The four guards trained their narrowed eyes at her and even though they didn't make a move, she could tell they would be able to reach for the Hell 9mm at their side in no time. Behind the gates, the Red House stood in its ominous glory; tall spiral columns stretching up to the sky from an all-black gothic-like building that gave the feeling that it was night time all the time. Its surroundings were a jarringly lush green. Carefully cropped grass framed the Red House, various Hell flowers planted in rows of half circles by its entrance.

She took a tentative Hell step forward and all four right arms fell on their weapons. She immediately took a step back but they didn't move to release their weapons. Hmm, this wasn't going to be good. What to do now…

Then, something flitting through the sky caught her eye. It twisted and turned and glided through their air, its trajectory unpredictable. For a moment, she forgot about the guards as her eyes followed its movement. When it was close enough to them, they too turned to look as it swayed back and forth, landing gently at her feet.

She picked it up, flipped it over to look at it and nearly had a Hell conniption.

"Demon Yami!" Yugi cried as his beloved demon struggled in the Heaven tree-sized arm of Ushio who had him locked at the neck by a massive forearm with a gun pointed to his head.

"It is of grave danger to you and our society as a whole, Cupid," Ushio grunted, his eyes gleaming with a crazed excitement only brought about by days without a wink of Heaven sleep and his only fuel being a Heaven creative exercise involving how many different ways he could potentially torture the rogue demon.

Teary-eyed and snot already peeking from his nostril, Yugi leaped at him, latching both small hands on the arm that was pressed against Yami's neck. Miffed but with both hands already occupied, Ushio shook himself violently, trying his best to get Yugi to detach himself without losing his prey, who was now (inconveniently) biting his arm.

"Hey, what are you doing, stop that!" Mako and The rushed up to the three, immediately throwing their arms in the air when the gun pointed at Yami's head trained on them instead.

At this point, Yugi was crying and using Ushio's arm to wipe his nose and Yami looked like he really, really needed some air.

Ushio opened his mouth to admonish the couple but when he got a good look at Mako, his words froze in his throat and his gun-wielding arm dropped heavily to his side.

No way. It couldn't be. It was this man who'd killed the third love of his life in that oil-barrel accident. After the death of Constance-Gratitude, Ushio had taken to doing Heaven drugs. He'd started out with the lighter, less harmful drugs like chocolate bars and hot fudge from a can, then moved onto the harder stuff. It had been a more thrilling experience than the Heaven alcohol he'd indulged in after the first love of his life shattered his heart but the addiction was far, far worse. By the time he'd arrived at Heaven LDS, he'd already sold his car and most of his possessions and was evicted from his Heaven apartment for not paying his Heaven rent. He was Heaven homeless and suspended from the Heaven Force. He went days without eating, gathering whatever Heaven money he got panhandling into getting more of the sweet, numbing drug. On several occasions, his heart stopped and it was by some Heaven miracle every single time that he woke up in a Heaven hospital, his Heaven bills paid for by a mysterious stranger who also happened to pay for a Heaven cab to take him to a home that he no longer had. Still, in his drug-induced, sleep, water and food-deprived Heaven haze, Ushio never had the strength or energy to search for this kind stranger and his Heaven addiction gripped him so hard that he couldn't stop using. So the cycle continued: desperately trying to get as much as he could in him (which led to Ushio doing rather unheavenly Heaven things for the Heaven cash), high, pass-out, hospital, back on the streets. Rinse and Heaven repeat. It got to the point where another temporary heart failure would've double killed him and he was informed of this by the Heaven doctors every time he was admitted, but Ushio had long stopped caring. Rejected by his Heaven parents, two failed loves, no career, no home, not even a Heaven penny to his name. There had been no point in carrying on and he'd rather go in sweet oblivion than prolong his suffering. And it just so happened that he was dozing one in Heaven's Happy Haven Harp Park against a Heaven recycling bin that he felt himself being dragged. He'd thought it was all a dream (because what was reality anymore?) but then his tunic started riding up and his Heaven bottom scraped against the cold, scratchy ground. He was slow to full wakefulness, but when he came to, what he saw was paradise. She was tall, a good six-foot-nine with a wingspan of eighty two and chestnut brown hair swept in a tight bun. Her arms were long and elegant, but all muscle and none of the BS. She was built sturdy, like a Heaven titanium wall with reinforced Heaven barb wire. She didn't turn around as he struggled, only kept up the brisk pace and, perhaps indirectly, proving that any struggling on his part was futile. She didn't acknowledge him until they got to the Heaven hospital where most of the staff by now already recognized her (them) and gave her what he'd assume was the usual consolation for watching over a pathetic soul such as himself. She didn't wait for him: by the time he was released, she was already gone. Not even a Heaven phone number left behind. He didn't see her again for a long time as she somehow managed to keep him alive while staying in the down low. No matter what he did, how good he faked it, she was better. And he thought he'd never see her again when, completely unexpected, he was hitching a ride on a Heaven bus going across town that he saw her in her Heaven Land Rover in the lane beside him. He, clinging onto the roof of the bus as it zoomed at three hundred Heaven miles per hour, couldn't believe his luck. But it was at that very moment, when they had a split second of eye-contact that an oil drum from a semi in front of her lane barrelled backwards towards her windshield and it was all over. The semi as well as the Heaven bus stopped, but everyone's hands were tied. The Land Rover was totalled, the horror of what lay beneath it they could only guess. He didn't stick around for long, only until the Heaven ambulance came. But he made sure he saw the face of the angel that did it, made sure he got a good, long look. Because he knew from that day on, he, Ushio Okay What No Seriously Whyisheinheaven, was going to clean up his act. He'd get back on his feet, somehow, and when he did, when he was clean and in the right mind and respectable again, he would find the gosh darn angel that did this to his beloved and he would avenge her.

And it wasn't until now that Ushio understood why he couldn't find him.

Wingless, tanner, riddled with scratches and sporting the body of what the humans would called a Greek sculpture, stood the reason for his third Heaven broken heart (the third was always the worst, they say). There was recognition in that face as well, which pleased him because he wanted the culprit to know why he deserved what he was going to get.

Ushio was all too quick to drop Yami, who was a gasping mess as his one hand flew to his throat and the other to his chest. And Yugi was quick to be at his side and offer his unwanted affections.

Ushio cocked his Heaven gun and aimed it at Mako. "Excuse me," he said, "But are you, indeed, the individual who had, many years ago, been the instigator of a terrible accident involving the unwanted release of an oil drum that had caused another individual to become double deceased?"

It was a pretty generalized description but Mako didn't need any more detail to know what he was talking about. His insides felt like they were getting cut by a Heaven can opener. He glanced at The, who'd turned pale. "Yes," he answered.

"Then I am afraid I must inform you that I am, indeed, an individual who had been a rather close kin to that individual and losing her had, indeed, been a rather prolonged unpleasant experience."

"My deepest apologies. It was a terrible accident and it's tormented me for as long as I've been here." Mako grasped his wife's hand and nudged her behind him as Ushio advanced. The rational part of his mind told him that Ushio couldn't ethically shoot them but the rage gripping Ushio's face told him he couldn't really bank on that.

"I thank you for your apologies and appreciate the remorse in current display. I do not doubt the sincerity of it nor do I doubt your claim that you have been tormented." A burly hand grabbed his wrist and yanked him forward with a sharp jerk, "However, it does not dissolve the deep sorrow I'd felt since that time. I, therefore, feel it appropriate to rectify these ill-feelings in the way I see fit."

Mako's dropped his wife's hand as he was thrown against Ushio's chest. He bounced off with a grunt but the vice-like grip held him in place. The gun wasn't quite aimed at him, but it was close enough to be unnerving.

From behind him, The's voice was stern, unwavering, "What the shitslack do you think you're slunking? You're an assdamn buttstrutting cop! You can't slunk crackslack like this!"

This startled both of them. Ushio, because he couldn't understand a word of it and Mako because his wife had lapse into her native tongue. It was ages ago since she'd done that and, at that time, it was because the hair-straightener she'd fashioned from scratch was stolen by some Underheaven punk.

And it was strange that he realized he knew exactly what she said. Mako dared to look up at Ushio, who was frowning so deeply his ample eyebrows looked like a giant black caterpillar squatting over his eyes. It wasn't a sight one could easily forget. Then again, nothing about Ushio was all that easy to forget. "She's right," Mako said, fighting the overwhelming urge to look away, "If you're really a police officer, you can't shoot me without reason. That's against your code of conduct."

From the corner of his mouth, a pressured sound escaped through Ushio's teeth. He muttered something to himself before jamming his Heaven gun back in its holster. He did not, however, let Mako go. "Although I am too virtuous a police officer to harm you without ethical reason, you must not forget that you are also guilty of the crime of harbouring a felon. That demon," He shoved a hairy finger towards Yami, "Is a fugitive in our land and is a highly dangerous specimen of a creature that, if not captured immediately, can and shall be a threat to the entirety of Heaven… and perhaps the Underheaven as well."

The and Mako turned attention to Yami, whose head was being held down on Yugi's lap as the angel stroked his wings and whispered something they were too far away to hear into his upturned ear. Yami was wide-eyed, his expression a cross between abject horror and blind agony. Their usual.

"He's harmless," Mako said.

"Excuse me, but I am in great disbelief of what my ears have just informed me! Surely you do not, indeed, insist on defending that foul creature in addition to harbouring him illegally!" Ushio's voice was high-pitched and very unfitting for the large male angel that he was.

The and Mako shared a glance. Ushio's presence raised a few questions but things were, at least in part, coming together for the couple. It certainly explained why Yami and Yugi showed up together. And, while The was oblivious to the reasons behind Ushio's accusations, Mako got a sense of what was going on and couldn't help a bit of guilt for having, once upon a time, shared Ushio's mentality.

Nonetheless, it wouldn't hurt to reason with the unclipped angel, "Can you at least tell us what Yami did?"

Ushio flinched at the mention of Yami's name. He smacked his lips a little for emphasis, then replied with, "Apologies, but that is no business of Underworld criminal creatures such as yourselves."

The seethed, her right thumb cracking each of the other four fingers on that hand. It took having to dig her heels into the ground not to throw herself at the Heaven cop. "Look, they just showed up here, alright? We don't know anything about this 'felon' business. You could easily be making this shit up just to accuse us of more shit because you're from the almighty surface world and whatnot and you think you can do whatever the hell you want."

Ushio visibly shook. "You shall not speak to a surface-dweller thusly! It is highly rude and uncouth considering your position compared to ourselves and this is doubly problematic because you are clearly a clipped demon of all things!"

"Hey, you can't talk to my wife that way!"

"Oh?" Ushio cocked his head in challenge, "It seems you Under-dwellers have, indeed, forgotten your place. And it is apparent from this situation you present to me here that, not only do you defy the surface world which rules over you, you have cross-mated with the enemy. Indeed the criminals we have discarded here are far, far more savage than we had thought. I cannot wait to take leave of this foul world. Once more, and hopefully this shall be the final time I tell you, I am taking this horrendous creature back into the custody of Heaven."

"Fuck you."

Ushio gasped, then both hands flew to his mouth as he tried to suppress a gag reflex. The scoffed impatiently as he doubled over and coughed violently into his hands. When he straightened, his eyes were bloodshot and tearful and he looked like he'd been kicked in the crotch. Ushio's hands fell from his mouth and he closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths before he opened them again. He wiped a stray tear sliding down his face. "That was, indeed, highly uncalled for."

"No it wasn't, actually."

"Mr. Mako Tsunami and Mrs. The Tsunami!" Yugi still had Yami in his clutches but at least the demon didn't look as distressed as before. "That angel had wrongly accused demon Yami of kidnap! Poor demon Yami had been treated terribly by the authorities in which we had placed our trust and thus we had to flee. Please, I beseech you, do not allow this gentleman over here to take him away!"

Mako opened his mouth to speak but Ushio cut him off. "Cupid, that creature of great disgust had clearly tampered with your sense of reality! It is foul and evil and a thing of scorn! You must part yourself from it so that we may take care of you!"

"It – he – had not tampered with my mind as you say!" Yugi yelled back, "We are, indeed, in love –"

Yami's body jerked but he managed to stay conscious.

"- and we are quite happy to be together!" Yugi paused, then turned down to Yami, "Are we not, demon Yami?"

Yami bit his lip. To say it was a choice between two evils would've been an understatement. But, seeing as the build-up of trauma he'd endured in the past few days would render any kind of Hell therapy utterly useless, he figured a little more wouldn't make a difference. Swallowing back the acrid taste in his mouth, Yami nodded.

"You are brainwashed, Cupid! Now, come. Come into my arms and away from that beast."

This didn't sit well with The and Mako. In more ways than one.

Mako took the opportunity to speak. "So basically, you have no evidence of what you're accusing Yami of doing. That's not exactly sound police work, officer."

"What, indeed, do you know, under-dweller?" Ushio spat.

The crossed her arms over her stomach, "This is all bullshit. That you refuse to believe the things you're told. That the myths you were raised with generation after generation, myths which have absolutely no factual basis, completely screw with your perception. And that to preserve these myths, you have to make up lies to override the truth so you won't have to admit that you're wrong."

Ushio faced scrunched up and he looked as if he would either go into a tyrannical rage or burst into tears. The fingers of his right hand twitched beside his gun, but he made no further to draw it. He tore his eyes from The and Mako and turned to Yami and Yugi. They wore identical expressions.

His pause gave them hope but they could only speculate into what he was thinking. The's hand found Mako's and Yugi pulled Yami closer to himself.

A silence descended that was so perfect, one could hear an Underheaven pine needle drop. And it was in this silence that a sniffle was heard coming from the entrance of The and Mako's home. Mana peeked out from the veil of leaves, barely visible except the tips of her wings. She drew back when she realized their attention was on her, but poked her head out just enough to see if they were still looking.

"I would like to inquire as to how long you have been watching us without our knowledge, young angel," Ushio said sternly.

Mana shrunk into herself and didn't answer.

"We would very much appreciate your cooperation, young angel." He tried again.

The only improvement from Mana was a barely audible squeak.

"I do not intend to frighten you, young angel, however, I am an officer of the law and, therefore, you are obligated to cooperate with my wishes and respond to my questions. Now, again, I beseech you to come forth and respond in the manner I have explained."

With Ushio's back turned, The gave him the finger, then smiled sweetly at Mana (who giggled). "Come on out, hon. Don't worry about this big lug, we've got your back."

Ushio was all up in arms, ready to give her a piece of his Heaven mind but conceded when Mana came shuffling out. Her wings curled around her shyly as she looked between Yami and Yugi and Mako and The, trying to decide where'd be the safest haven. She still flinched at the sight of Yami but the married couple were standing too close to Ushio for comfort. Mana finally settled to station herself a few feet from both parties, feeling awkward and vulnerable.

Ushio made no attempt to relieve her discomfort. "Please indicate your name, young angel."

Mana's chin dipped into the opening of her tunic. "I am," She said, barely above a breath of whisper, "I am Magnanimity Spell-caster-in-a-good-non-witchcraft-way. B-but but my friends, um, my friends call me Mana."

The made a face at the incredibly Heaven-sounding name but Mako barely noticed. Ushio nodded in approval, "A fine name. Now, seeing as you are clearly involved in this escapade and, therefore, are a witness, I shall proceed to ask you questions pertaining to the fiasco in which we find ourselves. I would kindly like to remind you that the future of all of Heaven is at stake as well as that of our precious Cupid who is already very much scarred for the rest of his afterlife."

"But I am not, indeed, sca –"

"Cupid is too scarred to know that he is scarred," Ushio pressed, ignoring Yugi.

"But that is not, indeed, the ca – "

"Now," Ushio said the word like it was a punch, "Miss Magnanimity, Is the creature which now has Cupid in its vile clutches a demon or not?"

Mana glanced at the two in question. Yugi still had Yami tightly in his chubby arms. She fiddled nervously with the stray feathers on her left wing and looked at the ground. "Indeed it is a demon."

"Very good. Is this the creature the only demon you have encountered in the surface world and, therefore, the demon which we are searching because there is one and only one demon currently rogue in our land?"

"I have not, indeed, encountered another demon and, therefore, it is likely to be as you say."

"I appreciate the concise answer, although I would appreciate it more if you take your hand away from your mouth."

"Apologies."

"Apology accepted. Now, my most important question: Did you or did you not see the demon harm precious, innocent and gentle Cupid physically or otherwise?"

The question stung, but Mana didn't know why. She caught Ushio's eyes for a split second but couldn't bring herself to hold his gaze. She swallowed, tugging and practically pulling off the matted feathers on her wing.

Truth of the matter was, she'd seen Yugi cry. And Yugi was crying because of Yami. Did that count? She'd been glad the demon had decided to run away so she wouldn't have to look at it anymore but it had caused Yugi a great deal of distress. If there was one thing she'd remember after leaving here (if she'd leave here at all) was poor Yugi sobbing into that disgusting creature's shirt. It had to be a spell of some sort. No angel in his right mind would go near much less get attached to such a dubious thing from Hell.

"Yes, I did."

That was all the evidence Ushio needed.

The only thing more satisfying, was seeing the look on The and Mako's faces.

TBC…