Chapter 21

I want to be the one to take care of you…

Your pains, your sadness, your worries, your fears… I want to take them all away… I want to relieve you of them… please allow me to do so…

I want to take all your pains and sadness…

I want to see your smile…

I want you to live…

But I just don't know what to do…

Subaru woke up with a start, still hearing the anguished voice inside him pleading to be heard. The agonizing voice turned into a mere whisper as his mismatched crimson and emerald eyes gazed upon a sleeping raven whose head was pillowing on his right arm instead of the pillow underneath them.

Kamui…

The onmyouji used his left hand to caress the younger male's hair for a while before brushing his knuckles on Kamui's cheek. The teen sighed in his sleep, obviously liking the gesture, and Subaru couldn't help but smile warmly. If only moments like these would last forever…

He remembered how he kissed Kamui last night and sighed, cheeks slightly reddening. It seemed he was becoming more and more attracted, or intoxicated actually, to Kamui. It wasn't the first time he lost it and kissed the younger male. He reasoned the first time with his inability to control his humanly urges. But this time… he had no excuse.

The onmyouji sighed before he used the peaceful time to ponder about his feelings, his real feelings, and not the feelings that he thought he had. He shifted as he tried to calm down his fast beating heart.

Was he feeling something for Kamui?

Yes…

Was it admiration? Infatuation? Physical attraction?

It's more than that…

Was it love?

Subaru closed his eyes as he tried to think about it more. He knew that if he was wrong, he'd end up hurting Kamui again. He knew, or at least he thought he knew, that he still had feelings for Seishirou. But to love Seishirou and Kamui at the same time was just so… so selfish of him.

Kamui whimpering in his sleep broke the onmyouji's line of thought and he immediately locked the younger male in a warm embrace. He used his right arm to pull Kamui closer and brush his hair while his left hand circled around the teen's waist to lock him up in Subaru's arms. Kamui nuzzled on the juncture of Subaru's neck and shoulder before heaving a sigh and continuing in his sleep. The older male couldn't help but shiver in quiet delight, his eyes widening when he realized that another part of his body was also delighting at the act, before he kissed the younger raven's hair, inhaling its scent in the process. He sighed, trying to compose himself again.

Kamui always smelled good…

He couldn't help but think that Kamui had become someone who supported his whole existence. He knew now that he couldn't exist without Kamui. He knew that if ever the younger male left him, he'd surely, without a doubt, die… The teen was like an intoxicating drug to him, prolonging his blissful existence in every way possible. Not to mention that Kamui acted as his light, for he would have long succumbed to the darkness that kept trying to swallow his whole existence if it weren't for the teen's warmth right next to him all the time.

Subaru closed his eyes again when he realized it. He's falling for Kamui… deeply.

He's such an idiot for not realizing it sooner. He liked being with Kamui so much that he actually missed the guy even though they were together. He liked being in contact with the teen, physically or emotionally. He liked inhaling Kamui's scent, hearing his voice, touching his hair and face, locking him in a warm embrace, kissing him… and more…

He wanted to protect Kamui more than anyone else. He wanted the teen to see him more than anyone else. He's afraid that Kamui would hate him or would be afraid of him. He felt like he'd die if ever the teen got hurt because of him. He felt that his whole world would collapse if Kamui chose to stay away from him. He could feel his eyes burn in anger at the mere thought of Kamui spending his time and being so close to someone else. Just the thought of it was already enough to send him into a blind rage.

He pulled Kamui closer and inhaled his scent even more. He's afraid of so many things when he should be the powerful and untamable, undying Sakurazukamori… all because of Kamui…

He let out a shiver as he opened his eyes again and looked down at the wisp of smooth raven hair. So he loved Kamui after all…

Even now, he could feel his heart beating faster just because Kamui was nuzzling on him. He could feel his breath hitch once in a while for feeling the seeping warmth that Kamui had even with the clothing. He could feel his cheeks warm up and his stomach flutter at the thought of the kiss they shared last night. So really, how dumb and hard-headed could he get to not realize these things sooner?

And now that he did realize it… what should he do? He knew very well that he couldn't let himself fall in love again. He shouldn't fall in love with Kamui of all people. He, the tainted, bloodthirsty assassin who could only defile Kamui and pull him into the darkness… He wanted Kamui to remain as pure and innocent as now. He wanted the teen to be his light, not to swallow Kamui with his darkness. And yet… and yet, he knew he couldn't and wouldn't let Kamui leave him…

Shiro sighed for the umpteenth time. Ever since earlier, he could feel the aura that the Sakurazukamori had so unguardedly kept on emitting. He could feel Subaru's fluttery aura earlier that immediately turned into a surprised aura, into another set of fluttery aura, into a depressed aura, into a fluttery aura, into an anguished aura. How the hell could the so-called emotionless Sakurazukamori feel so many emotions in a matter of seconds!?

The kodan had learned about Subaru last night, during the time they spent in the living room while Kamui was unconscious. Mokona talked about everyone non-stop and it helped Shiro assess the situation further. He already warned the onmyouji about their circumstance regarding the Core but he knew it wasn't enough, nor was he sure about his findings yet.

"You're awake after all." Subaru's usual cold voice took the kodan out of his musing as he was forced to answer.

"Yes, though it took you so long to realize it." Shiro said as he put his head in front of his paws in a way that most dogs did. Well, what with his constant harassment on Kamui ever since last night, Shiro was even surprised that Subaru managed to remember he was in the room too.

"Hn." Subaru grunted, making Shiro smirk because it lacked its normal coldness. It seemed the onmyouji's contentment right now was enough to warm him up.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Kamui's eyes slowly opened as he realized he had been sleeping in a rather uncomfortable place, the school rooftop. His black school uniform was even a little creased because of too much sleeping. And as he took in his surroundings, his eyes immediately widened.

The sun hung up in the sky and the white clouds drifted aimlessly. Everything was so bright and he could hear some birds chirping. The wind felt really nice.

Wasn't he with Subaru just before he fell asleep?

"This is Tokyo, Kamui." Kamui immediately turned around when he heard the voice and his breath hitched when he saw the Dark Kamui not far from him. The latter was standing while leaning on the wall beside the rooftop door. The real one could see those eyes burning with silent hatred even now, and it was saddening.

But aside from that, there were too many things that he wanted to know. "Tokyo?" What's that? Though the sound of it somehow made him feel really nostalgic…

Dark Kamui smirked before he slowly walked towards the real Kamui. "This is the place where you came from, the dimension where you and Subaru came from."

Kamui's eyes widened at the statement before he turned around and gazed at everything. So this… This was his home..? He looked at the buildings and also the houses not far from them, the city and the people down below. On the part near the horizon, he could somehow see a tall tower. That tower somehow felt really daunting… not to mention it brought too many emotions deep inside his heart just at the sight of it.

"That's Tokyo Tower." The Dark Kamui said from behind him. "That's the place where you killed Fuuma."

Kamui looked at the other male with wide eyes and he couldn't help but whimper at the sudden information. He knew that it was him who killed his friend whom he only met in his dreams. But how or why, he didn't know… "Why..? Why would I kill him..?"

"Do you want me to show you?" The dark Kamui smirked at the dread that settled on the other's face.

"Kamui..!" Kamui's eyes snapped open just as he heard his name being called out loud.

"Kamui..?" Subaru was slightly shaking him. "Are you alright?"

"Subaru..?" He blinked wearily before he sat up, not realizing that Subaru was somehow straddling his waist.

The onmyouji gritted his teeth as he hugged Kamui tightly. He and Shiro were just talking about mundane things earlier and suddenly the dark presence of the Core alerted them. His first impulse was to see if Kamui was okay, only to realize that the teen's breath was hitching and his forehead was covered in cold sweat. Subaru didn't wait for another second and immediately shook the sleeping teen until Kamui opened his eyes.

Kamui peered up from Subaru's quite suffocating hug and saw that the onmyouji's expression was pained. It was always like this whenever he was involved… Somehow, he always ended up hurting the older male even without trying.

"Subaru, I'm alright." He smiled to assure the onymouji and Subaru managed to somehow listen and lessen the suffocating action. He knew that he killed Fuuma and that fact hurt him a lot. But he also heard Fuuma's side on it, that the guy actually wished for himself to be killed. That's the only thing preventing him from actually feeling so depressed. Of course, Subaru was another reason preventing him from feeling down.

"Good morning, Kamui." Shiro greeted from beside the bed. The teen chuckled at him before he greeted the two males back.

"Good morning, Subaru, Shiro." He said just as the door to their room opened with a loud bang.

"Kamui!" Mokona barged in without any invitation with Fuuma and Nokoru on his heels, or rather, paws. "Are you alright?"

"We felt the Core earlier." Fuuma voiced in a more subdued manner than the fur ball, not even flinching at the sudden glare they all received from the pissed off Sakurazukamori.

"We're alright. The presence has completely disappeared now." Shiro was the one who answered, seeing as Kamui wasn't even awake when it happened and Subaru was far too annoyed to speak. The kodan sighed. He knew why Subaru was so pissed. The trio just barged in, totally ruining the mood between him and Kamui.

Nokoru and Mokona sighed in relief and Kamui couldn't help but chuckle at their attitude. Just then, they all heard Sakura's voice from downstairs saying that breakfast was ready.

When they entered the kitchen, however, instead of seeing only two people and a teddy bear, they saw another guy whose scowl could rival Fuuma's or Subaru's.

"Who are you?" The guy asked and Sakura immediately berated him, saying she already told him for the hundredth time now.

She then turned to Kamui and others and bowed in apology. "I'm sorry that this idiot is just too rude. He's Touya, my older brother." She smiled when they didn't seem offended by her brother. "Shall we all eat now? Oto-san has already left because he still has to attend a lecture about archeology."

Touya continued to glare at each of them though, as if sizing them up one by one. He knew very well that Sakura's visitors were not just ordinary people and it was making him anxious. How the hell his sister knew such powerful, and most likely dangerous individuals, he would never know.

And thus, they all ate with quite an intense atmosphere and suffocating silence. Though it seemed Kamui and Mokona, and Sakura of course, didn't seem to notice at all.

Fuuma and Nokoru were pissed that they were being sized up by someone they didn't even know while Subaru was pissed that the guy kept on glaring at him and Kamui. The three older males knew that they met the guy in another dimension as the kind Yukito's husband, and it seemed there was no change in his attitude even in a parallel world.

"So, where will you go while waiting for Kinomoto-san?" Nokoru asked Subaru in an attempt to lessen the hostility in the air.

Subaru looked at him with a serious face, though it seemed his mood had suddenly changed for the better, much to the blonde's amusement. "Kamui and I plan to explore the city." And his eyes were daring them to say otherwise or add anything at all.

"Cool! Can Mokona go too?" Mokona said as he was munching food, totally oblivious of the earlier warning.

Nokoru chuckled. "We'll go on our own, right, Fuuma?" Fuuma's eyes narrowed when he was purposefully grouped together with them. It seemed the blonde knew that all he wanted to do all day was sleep, sleep, and sleep.

"Eh? But Mokona wants to go with Kamui!" Mokona pouted and Subaru's glare only worsened.

"Why not?" Kamui asked. "We can take him with us, right?" He looked hopeful at Subaru and the latter could only grunt in assent.

"Don't give us any trouble, fur ball." Subaru said while Mokona started jumping up and down the table due to happiness.

Sakura couldn't help but chuckle at the sight and Touya immediately assumed that Subaru and Kamui were lovers. Shiro sighed, knowing that he would end up in Fuuma and Nokoru's company for the entire day. Of course, Subaru didn't mind him coming because he wasn't that much of a trouble, seeing as he wasn't at all talkative and not at all childish. But having two 'pets' while on a date certainly wasn't appealing, right? And so, the kodan surmised that it would be better if Mokona was the only one to go with them.

"By the way, there will be a festival tonight at the Mitsumine Shrine. We can all go there if you want." Sakura suggested and received some nods. Subaru's eyebrows creased as he tried to remember why the name was so familiar to him. And then it dawned to him. Yuzuriha's Shrine had the same name.

After a while, Touya grudgingly lent them his, as well as some of his father's, clothes and the four people and two 'pets' left without any particular destination in mind.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Subaru and Kamui, while hugging Mokona over his chest like a grocery bag, walked the busy street of the city. They just finished breakfast and Subaru immediately said that they needed to get going. Kamui couldn't help but feel that Subaru was somehow quietly excited by the exploration.

And after some minutes of walking in the more residential area of the place, the three ended up in the main street where most buildings and infrastructures were for commercial uses.

The younger male couldn't help but admire everything he set his eyes on. The huge and towering buildings, the crowded streets, people with different attires, the noisy cars and buses, and the busy shops, and even the by-standers. He had never seen these kinds of things before, at least not as far as he could remember.

The younger raven looked at the omyouji and saw that Subaru was merely walking beside him as if everything was normal. Did that mean that this place was somehow similar to their dimension? And then his dream earlier came back to him – the city, the school, the buildings and houses, and the tower…

"Kamui? Are you alright?" Mokona voiced suddenly, making the teen look down at him in question. "Your grip on Mokona is getting tighter."

"O-Oh. Sorry, Mokona." He smiled.

Subaru looked at Kamui meaningfully before his eyes darted in front of him once again. "Do you want to go anywhere in particular, Kamui?" He asked in a quiet voice.

"Eh?" Kamui blinked at him before furrowing his eyebrows. "You mean some place in particular?" When Subaru nodded, the teen couldn't help but furrow his eyebrows even more. He never knew what kind of places this dimension had so he couldn't really say. And besides, his experiences after he lost his memory was still so scarce that he didn't even know what to expect in a city like this one.

The younger male looked up when Subaru patted his head. "Sorry for asking such a question." Kamui blinked when he saw a small smile in Subaru's lips, a genuine one. The teen couldn't help but smile back. "Shall I decide then?" Kamui nodded in enthusiasm and the onmyouji immediately took his right wrist to lead him. The two skidded through the crowd and ended up in some park.

Mokona let out an amused tone while Kamui's eyes widened in amazement. It's the first time he saw something so beautiful.

There were children playing in some playground not far from them, shouting and giggling to one another. There were some families and groups having a picnic under the shades of the trees too. Flowers and grasses decorated both sides of the pavement they were in. In the middle of the park was a huge fountain and many people were seated beside it. There were many benches too. Together with the bright morning sun and fresh air, everything looked just so peaceful. It's something that not even the Kamui before the Promised Day had ever witnessed.

Subaru couldn't help but feel his heart flutter in delight just looking at Kamui's happiness. He wanted Kamui to experience these things, peacefulness and calmness, enjoyment and leisure. The Kamui could only see these things from afar, having the whole world as his burden. That Kamui, even as a kid, could only focus on his duties and destiny. Now though, Kamui was just a free soul… He could do anything he wanted to.

Subaru just wished that the Dark Kamui wouldn't show up now.

As Kamui gazed at everything, his mind was slowly forming a not-so-unconscious wish. He would enjoy these things and every moment of it together with Subaru as much as he could. Because there might not be a second time to this anymore…

Mokona hopped from Kamui's chest and played in the field, not even minding the fact that some of the kids had stopped what they were doing and were now looking at him rather meaningfully.

"Mister, Mister." Kamui looked down to see a small girl tugging at his coat. "Is that rabbit yours?"

"Uh, rabbit?" Kamui looked at the girl before looking at the thing she was pointing at. Mokona was already hopping together with the other kids and Subaru couldn't help but curse under his breath. "…No, Mokona is a friend of mine."

"Can I play with him please?" She asked hopefully. Kamui chuckled before nodding. The girl brightened up before running towards her playmates just as they started their game together with the 'rabbit.'

"Are you sure that's alright?" Subaru asked beside him, looking at the annoying fur ball with a glare.

Kamui chuckled again. "Mokona's enjoying himself. That's all that matters." He smiled at Subaru and received a pat on the head in return.

The two started walking in idleness, circling the entire playground in the process. They weren't talking but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. They both liked each other's company and that's enough for the both of them.

After a while, they started walking on the grasses too, side by side, when all of a sudden, several sprinklers on the ground started spurting water like a fountain. Kamui almost jumped in surprise while Subaru hissed as his coat started to get drenched in water. They looked at each other, not knowing what to do for a while.

Subaru was starting to get drenched in water and his hair was already wet and dripping. His handsome face was scrunched up a little and Kamui couldn't help but laugh. Subaru, who could see Kamui like a little kitten drenched under the rain, couldn't help but chuckle too. The younger male started running under the rain-like fountains, playing with the water, and the onmyouji followed in a more mature pace.

Mokona, from afar, grinned when he saw how his two charges were having a good time by themselves. It seemed Subaru was more relaxed now than when they first met. That time seemed so long ago now… Not to mention that he was chuckling, though subdued, of all things. It seemed his feelings for Kamui were much, much deeper than any of them ever realized.

Kamui and Subaru knew that they could catch a cold from being drenched so the two took their time sitting on the ground while having the bright sun dry them. "Shall we leave this place now?" Subaru said after a while. Kamui nodded, still chuckling.

"Kamui, Mokona's hungry!" Mokona said after a while as he was once again carried by the teen. The fur ball knew that if ever he wanted something, he should ask Kamui instead of the Sakurazukamori. If Kamui said yes, then there was no way Subaru could say otherwise. It's just that simple.

Subaru knew that Mokona had been using Kamui as a shield to get what he wanted for a while now. First, the annoying fur ball asked Kamui that he wanted some takoyaki and so the three went to buy some. Subaru still had his patience back then because he promised to himself that he would treat the fur ball today. But then Mokona wanted some ice cream so the three couldn't help but buy some. And then the fur ball was hungry again?

The onmyouji glared at Mokona and the latter did his best to plead Kamui instead of focusing his attention to the murderous aura of the person just beside them. As expected, Kamui nodded to him because the kid was just so kind, so unlike his lover.

"But…" Kamui trailed off, stopping in his tracks, and Subaru couldn't help but stop as well, looking at the teen with silent concern.

"Kamui?" He called and the teen looked up at him.

"Subaru… I…" The onmyouji arched an eyebrow when the teen slightly fidgeted in his position. "I want that…" He pointed to the nearby shop where there was a huge cake mascot asking the customers to come in.

Subaru narrowed his eyes. It seemed the thing that attracted Kamui wasn't the food per se, but the mascot that was giving people flyers in front of the shop.

"You want to eat cake, Kamui?" Mokona asked, brightening at the thought of eating the sweet stuff. Kamui shyly nodded before looking at Subaru with innocent puppy eyes.

The corner of the onmyouji's lips twitched in amusement at the teen's utterly adorable expression and he sighed before he nodded. "Shall we?" Both Kamui and Mokona's expressions brightened and they grinned at one another just as the onmyouji brought out his wallet and looked if he still had enough money. The money was courtesy of Sakura and, a little hesitant, Touya.

Once they neared the shop, both Kamui and Mokona hurried up to the mascot and tried to see what he was giving the people. The mascot gave the teen a flyer of the 'Cake Eating Contest' before patting the teen's head.

The three chose the table just beside the glass window and Subaru took the flyer to see what it said. He smirked evilly as he eyed Mokona while reading it. It seemed the fur ball would be of use to them somehow. It's a free cake eating contest with a time limit. And if ever someone in your group managed to eat it within the time limit, all your next orders would be free as well.

Mokona gulped when he saw the glint in the Sakurazukamori's eyes while looking at him. Well, as long as he wasn't such a useless chaperon, then he guessed it would be okay… or so he hoped so.

.

.tbc.

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Ren-sama's Corner:

Kamui: (*fidgeting and blushing*) I can't believe it… I'm actually having a date with Subaru!

Ren-sama: And it's all because of me. (*grins smugly*)

Kamui: Thank you! And now I see that Subaru loves me.

Subaru: (*wants to die in embarrassment*) Tha-That's…

Kamui: (*leans closer to Subaru*) I thoroughly accept your feelings, Subaru.

Subaru: (*blushing madly; clears his throat*) Well… I guess this isn't so bad. (*trying to act like his usual self in vain, especially when Kamui hugged him tight*)

Host: Don't mind those two love birds and please review, everyone!