Chapter 21:

Her blonde hair was down as Santana swept it behind her neck so she could lean in and suck on her pulse point. Quinn's hands moved to undo Santana's bra. She moved back so it could be tossed aside before she lowered Quinn onto the mattress and looked down on the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen. She took a deep breath before hovering over her and kissing her deeply so as to convey not only her passion, but her love.

"Santana, we have to stop." Quinn told her when Santana pulled away from the kiss. She had only intended a momentary pause so she could take a breath before kissing the girl again, but Quinn's words halted her movements.

"Why?"

"Because we said this was over, remember?"

"What? No we didn't. I love you."

"If you love me, why are you pushing me away?"

Santana woke up and snapped out of her dream that had turned into a nightmare. Her hangover was as brutal as Rachel suspected it would be. She helped her as best she could before heading off to a rehearsal. She called Noah and told him to change the party plans or cancel it without revealing why the change was necessary. He said it would be better to have it up here anyway and they settled on just doing it in the apartment with a few of Santana's close friends. Santana agreed when Rachel returned that evening and told her of the switch in locale.

She had spent the entire day in bed either watching soap operas or scrolling up and down through her messages trying to remember how she had gotten back here. Back to what she did after her parents died, locking herself away from the world outside and trying to block out the pain.

She barely slept that night. She had grown accustomed to having someone next to her and in her absence, she was finding it hard to keep her brain focused on anything other than why that someone wasn't there.

The morning of her birthday came and went. Rachel had a class and a meeting for the show. Noah made plans to stay with that girl he had hit it off with and was bringing that evening. Even though Santana wasn't sure a party right now was the best idea, she knew her friends wanted it for her. They were doing whatever they could to try to get her to move her life forward. She would oblige them despite her pain.

She showered and allowed the water to cleanse her body silently wishing it would also cleanse her heart and mind as well. She readied herself while Rachel readied the apartment. Noah arrived early with his new girl, who looked like every other girl he'd ever dated, but Santana decided she didn't have the energy to make fun of him for having a type. He told Santana her name, but Santana failed to make note of it. She knew this girl wouldn't be around long. Noah was clearly in his date everyone phase and finding love was something he'd focus on later rather than sooner.

Evan arrived with Brittany. They were holding hands so Santana guessed the date went well. Mike brought Tina who seemed to be acting differently toward Santana than she normally did.

"Because it's your birthday and because this summer is almost over and I don't know when I'm going to see you again after this and because we're friends, I want to tell you something." Tina said softly and without her normal ambivalent tone and then took a drink as if she needed to extra second to put together her words.

"Okay?" Santana wasn't sure where this was going. She'd been acting nice. Was her mood about to shift?

"Mike told me he liked you."

"What?!"

"Not now. When we first started dating. He mentioned that he used to have a crush on you or really that it was more than a crush. He knew you were with Evan, but he really liked you. He was drunk when he admitted this, but he said he hoped you'd dump Evan back then and give him a chance."

"Tina, we never-"

"I know, but it's hard for a girl to hear that when she really likes a guy, you know? Hearing him say that about you when I was already in love with him, made me blame you for it."

"I get it."

"It's just that you're you and you're pretty and smart and funny and I'm just a girl who used to stutter to try to get attention and Mike is amazing and I thought he'd end up leaving me for you and that's why I acted how I acted."

"Okay. Even if he would have tried something, I wasn't interested. I knew you liked him. I wouldn't have done that to you."

"I think deep down I knew that and when you were happy with Evan, I wasn't as worried, but then you broke up with him and you disappeared and I guess when I saw you at the beginning of the summer, all the feelings from before came back and I worried again. Even though I know Mike loves me and I know he's the kind of guy that's going to help someone carry their luggage or get them a drink, it just brought up the memory every time he'd do something like that for you. I know that's not your fault, but I couldn't help it sometimes."

"You could have just talked to me about this like a million years ago instead of making it a whole big thing." Santana thought about all those years of friendship they missed because Tina never revealed what she was feeling.

"It's not like you're the easiest person in the world to talk to, Santana. I tried to tell you once at that dinner at Evan's, but you blew me off, remember?" Santana remembered the dinner and she recalled Tina following her into the kitchen when they were getting everyone a drink. She thought back at how Tina was trying to talk to her about something, but she had been focused on getting back out to the table because everyone was telling embarrassing stories and she didn't want to miss anything. "I'm really only telling you tonight because you seem like you're different now. Like you're more open or something. I don't know how to describe it, but since I'm moving soon and I know Mike and I are meant to be, I thought I at least owed it to you to explain why I was the way I was and that I'm trying to change."

"I guess I am kind of hard to talk to." She thought about what Tina was saying and she was partially right. Santana wasn't always the person people wanted to have hearts to hearts. She had a tendency to shut them down or get defensive, but maybe now she was grown up enough to just let them get it out and then respond. "Can we just be friends again? You know I don't want Mike and Mike clearly wants you. Can we just not be bitchy anymore and try to be friends?"

"Yeah, that sounds cool." Tina smiled and took another sip of her drink.

Santana wasn't 100% happy and she knew she wouldn't be for a while, but it felt good finally having this talk with Tina. All this time, she thought Tina was just being a catty bitch, but she failed to consider that there was a part of her that made Tina not want to talk to her about what was bothering her.

They listened to music and talked for a while before Artie challenged Santana to a video game rematch and she killed him several times over. She laughed a few times and it was nice. Puck and Rachel talked by themselves for a while as his new girl talked on her phone. At least Noah had kept his promise. The party was low-key. Rachel kept looking toward the door as if she was waiting for someone else to arrive. Santana started to ask her what it was about, but Artie brought out the cake before she got a chance. She blew out her candles and everyone cheered.

"What did you wish for?" Noah asked.

"She's not telling you. She actually wants it to come true," Rachel scolded.

Santana closed her eyes thinking of her wish. She looked at Rachel who looked toward the door, but when no one came through it, they just cut the cake, opened some presents, and enjoyed the company until everyone went home and Rachel cleaned up. Santana tried to help, but Rachel wouldn't let her. Santana's bed felt a little more comfortable that night. For some reason, she felt like she was going to be okay. Not happy. She was all but certain she would never be happy, happy. She had her friends though and her cousin and aunt and uncle. She had Evan until he returned to Chicago, which he confirmed he would be doing at the end of the summer and that he and Brittany were now an official couple. Brittany had changed her Facebook relationship status from "It's Complicated" referring to living with Puck while dating Sam to "In a Relationship" earlier during the party.

Santana's wish was that her parents would walk through that door and wish her happy birthday. She saw her dad engulf her with his safe arms and pull her in for a tight hug screaming happy birthday. Her mother would stand aside at first before moving in for the group hug. She'd introduce them to Quinn for the first time and they'd all eat cake and open presents together. They'd dance their ridiculous old-school dances in front of her friends, everyone would laugh, and then they'd leave early so she could have the rest of the night with her friends and her girlfriend. Everyone would ask Quinn a million questions about how she and Santana fell for one another and she'd pull Quinn into her bedroom for a few minutes of privacy. That was the image that pushed Santana into a deep sleep.

Rachel did the best she could to keep Santana occupied the next few days. They went shopping, visited some of their old haunts and went out to dinner. Every time, Santana left her phone somewhere, Rachel had to resist calling Quinn and screaming at her for not showing up for the party. Santana was putting on a brave face, but Rachel could tell she was hurting. It was a different kind of pain than when she lost her parents, but Rachel wasn't sure if it was less pain. She caught her staring at pictures a few times, but Santana would always put them away if she thought Rachel could see.

The rest of the month went like this. The summer they should have had together was now almost over. Santana had a few more meetings with the lawyer and everything with the money got officially sorted out. She was now a millionaire living in a tiny apartment she shared with her friend. She offered to take care of Rachel's student loans or at least pay her rent, but Rachel refused. She even offered a trip for the two of them to New York for Rachel to explore and maybe find a place she'd like to live when she was finished with school, but Rachel said no. Evan and Noah had no need for money as their parents were well off and she tried to offer Artie money, but he just said he'd be making it hand over fist when he joined his big law firm. Santana told him she'd keep the offer open in case he ever decided to go back to film and needed to finance an indy movie. It appeared to Santana that no one wanted money from Santana's dead parents, but to all of them, it was money ear marked for her to have the life they wanted for her, the life she wanted for herself.

Her father's business went to his partner and she inherited even more money from the sale. She thought daily about how she would use it since none of her friends seemed to want it. She shopped for a few things she needed and invested some. She set up a lunch with her aunt in Chicago to go over some of the specifics of the investments. Her aunt wanted to make sure everything was being handled correctly. She also wanted to find out why Santana was staying in Indianapolis when she had explicitly told her to stay in Jasper.

"So, everything's all set up then?" She asked while picking at her salad.

"Yeah, the lawyer made some recommendations and I have a broker now who handles the bulk of the hard work. I'm 22 and I have a broker. Didn't see that coming. The business went to dad's partner and now I'm just trying to figure out what to do with the rest. I don't really know how this became my life, but whatever." Santana added. Her salad sat untouched. She was nervous, which she never was with her aunt, but she knew she was just biding her time. Soon enough, the topic of the summer would come up and that would lead to Quinn and that would lead to her coming out.

"You know that money is supposed to last you a while. You don't have to spend it all. You should just keep it where it is and let it grow interest. Follow your dad's good example. I would recommend you buy a house though."

"What?"

"Something modest. It's a good investment and you're not in college anymore. You should buy something since you can afford it… start putting down roots. You can find great stuff in Chicago and there's a lot of architecture work here."

"You want me to buy a house in Chicago?" Santana raised an eyebrow.

"Why not? Your family is here. Noah's going to be working for your uncle now. I know you're not with Samuel anymore, but there might be some nice architect at whatever firm you join."

"I'm not moving to Chicago. The wind will do nothing for my hair."

"Well, I tried. You can buy a place in Indy if you're more comfortable there. Cheaper cost of living too so you can probably get a bigger house and more land for less."

"I don't think I'm staying there either." She took a drink of her iced tea and looked down as the lemon moved around with the ice. Her aunt's fork clanked against the side of her plate.

"Okay. Enough sidestepping. Tell me what's going on. Noah told me you didn't spend much time with anyone down there in Jasper, but that you'd made some new friend that you spent all your time with and he said you were finally starting to act like your old self again. I can see a hint of that now, but only a sliver… a tiny sliver. You left Jasper two months early and not even Noah knows why. You don't want to stay in Indy, you don't want to move here, and you don't want to go back to Jasper. I miss them too Santana and I'm not trying to tell you how to grieve, but I want you to start living your life again. I want you to be happy."

Santana nonchalantly pushed her plate toward the middle of the table. Her salad still looked as if it had just been put together.

"I was… I was happy… in Jasper, I was happy." Her voice was soft and she wasn't sure where she was going with it, but she kept talking as her aunt stared. "I went down there planning to ignore you pushing me into socializing. I wanted to ignore Puck and Evan and even Artie and Mike, but especially Tina. She was still being a bitch about something that never even happened."

"What did happen?"

"I met someone."

"Your friend, Quinn? Noah told me about her."

"She wasn't just my friend. She was for a little while. Wait… no she wasn't. She was never just a friend. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She's the reason I left the guesthouse everyday. I had a reason to go somewhere to talk to someone and I loved it. I loved her."

"Santana, are you…?"

"Yes. Meeting her has sort of put things in perspective for me. I've never felt like this about another girl. Well, for anyone." She paused and looked into her aunt's eyes so she would know she meant what she was about to say. "I'm gay. I haven't spent a lot of time trying to sort that out in my head. I was too busy trying to feel something for the first time in a long time. I wanted to take in every minute with her because I knew we only had the summer."

"Sweetie, what happened between you two?" Her aunt seemed to be ignoring the grand revelation to focus on the specifics of her relationship with Quinn, which Santana took as a good sign. Maybe her aunt wouldn't care after all.

"The same thing that happens to a lot of couples when they're in two places, not just physically. I can't stay there and she can't seem to leave. So, what's the damn point? We couldn't find a way to meet in the middle."

"She's the reason you left?"

"I can't stay there and not be with her and I can't be with her if I'm only going to have her short-term. I can't lose someone else. I know I've already lost her, but it would get worse the longer it goes on and I can't handle worse."

"Santana, I'm so sorry. If I would've known, I wouldn't be giving you such a hard time."

"I know that. I'm trying. I am, but it's hard when everything reminds me of either them or her. I've been thinking about putting the house on the market, but every time I go there, I see the last place they lived. I see the memories, the deck dad built, the stain on the carpet where I spilled fruit punch and the picture mom painted hanging on the wall. I also see the last time I saw Quinn playing over and over again in the living room. I see her standing by the front door and I see myself coiled up on my old bed crying until I couldn't breathe."

"This girl really did a number on you."

"It's not like that. She didn't do anything wrong. She loves me. I know it. That makes it harder somehow. It's like I know she's out there and that if I went back to Jasper she'd want me for however long she could have me."

"Why can't she leave?" She put her elbows on the table as she leaned in to listen intently.

"Her family situation. She's under the impression that they can't live without her. I know they needed her help for a few years and they're not great now, but even her parents have told her to get on with her life. She just doesn't think she gets to have the life she wants. She's scared and part of me can't blame her because I am too."

Santana told her aunt Quinn's story from start to finish. She told her how they met and that they first bonded over school. She told her about the trip to Warren where they toured the church and Santana yammered on about architecture while Quinn smiled and listened. She explained about Kaleb and Quinn's father even bringing up the fall in the shower right after Quinn moved out. Finn came up and her aunt brought up that she had a Finn before she met her uncle. Santana told her about how supportive Evan has been since she trampled all over his heart and how great Quinn's parents were to her. The hardware store and the financial problems came up and while Santana didn't know all the specifics, she knew the store needed help especially with the new shopping centers in Warren driving customers out of town. She talked about Harvard and Cambridge and Boston and the house and the kids and the law firm and coffee trips and lunches. She told her aunt everything she could remember about her time with Quinn and her time since they last spoke. Her aunt sat silently as Santana recounted each detail noting the smiles at the beginning of the monologue and their fading away as the sadness took over and water filled her nieces' eyes. She passed her a napkin and moved to the closer chair so she could hold her hand. The check had long been taken care of and the waiter had made every indication that it was time for them to leave so when Santana was done, the two walked outside to the car where her aunt drove them back to house. Santana would stay the night there since her aunt and uncle didn't want her driving so far after the dinner they shared.

Santana fell asleep much better that night than she had all month. Her aunt opened the door to the guest room after she knew Santana was out and sat in the desk chair watching her sleep for a while. The girl had been hurt again, but this time her aunt felt she could actually do something about it and she was determined to help her niece get the happiness she deserved even if it meant Santana would hate her for a while for interfering.