The next step of my plan is to familiarize myself more with the castle's layout. That way, if something happens and I need to rush back to Corrin's room to retrieve Ganglari before our shadowy saboteur does, I know exactly where I need to go. To this end, I continue exploring the hallways around Corrin's room.
The process reminds me of the few vacations my family went on when I was a kid, where I always insisted that my dad and I "explore" the hotel we were staying in. That was always the word I used—explore. It was my childlike way of getting the same thrill as playing the old 2D sidescroller Metroid games. It didn't matter if it was imaginary tunnels on a fictional faraway planet, or very real hallways in a hotel, or, now, rooms in a castle that should be fictional... but is in fact not. I'm filling out that minimap in my head—there's something fundamentally satisfying about systematically figuring out where things are.
Most of the rooms have their sliding doors closed. One, however, seems open. I'm somehow at the right angle where a quick glance in that direction lets me see inside pretty well. Something unusual seems to be in there… I stop in my tracks, walk over to the door, and look in.
No one's in there. Instead, there are dozens of paintings—canvases propped up against the walls, an easel in the middle. Accompanying it are a small set of glass jars with darkly-colored substances—paints, probably—and brushes. The canvas on the easel contains some kind of… monster painted on it. I'm not sure what it is. It has several legs in places where legs don't usually go, and claws, and teeth… Is this some kind of creature that exists in the Fates world that just never came up in the game?
As I'm looking at the painting, trying to puzzle out what the hell it could be, I hear movement from behind me. I turn around and see a woman with brown, ponytailed hair, wearing a pink outfit and yellow scarf. Kagero.
Shit! I forgot! She painted as a hobby! That came up in some of her support conversations, didn't it? I should've known before I snuck in to look at the paintings. Dammit.
"Um, hi," I say, just sort of standing there awkwardly. Kagero stops, just looking me up and down, saying nothing. It's unsettling, and I shift my balance a bit under her stare.
I sigh and guiltily hang my head. "This is your room, isn't it? I really shouldn't have looked in there, I know. I'm really sorry. It's just that those paintings looked really interesting from far away. Did you make them?"
She nods. "I know they're not works of high art… please understand, I'm no professional painter. This is just a hobby for me."
"What are you talking about? They're great!"
"I appreciate the compliment," she says, rolling her eyes.
"I mean it! Like, that one you have there, on the easel." I point it out. "I haven't seen anything like that before."
"How is that a good thing?"
"It shows imagination, creativity, all things that are great for painting. That monster looks like something I'll never see in real life, so I'm glad I got to see your painting of it." I give Kagero a smile. "Anyway, I don't think we've met. My name is Harrison. I'm a retainer to Lady Corrin, and…" I look back into the room for a moment. "I'm still finding my way around the place, as you can tell."
She nods. "My name is Kagero, and I serve Lord Ryoma." Kagero returns my smile with a small one of her own. "Thank you for your kind words, Harrison, but I must be going now. I have some important matters to attend to."
"Oh! I didn't mean to keep you."
"That's quite all right," she says, entering the room and looking around for some things. "I'll be sure to show you that painting when it's all done, if you're so interested."
"Definitely!"
I bid my farewell to Kagero and continue walking down the hallway. A figure cloaked in blue appears in the corner of my vision, approaching what I think was Kagero's room. She steps outside to greet him. It must be Saizo, working on whatever important mission they have to do for Ryoma. I could have sworn one or both of them pointed in my direction, but I'm not too concerned about it. I turn back to my exploration.
What feels like only a few minutes passes when I feel that someone or something is behind me. I'm not being watched. No, this is very different. Just as I try to move, to react, a bone-chilling voice sounds from directly behind my head.
"You."
"Fuck!" I jump forward a few feet and turn around to discover who the hell is doing this to me. Sure enough, the blue-clad figure from before is right in front of me, complete with mask and red hair. Saizo.
"You're lucky I haven't been assigned to kill you," he growls. "Otherwise you'd be dead five times over by now."
I breathe out, trying to calm myself, but just find anger burning over in my mind. "The hell is your problem!"
"You're the one with the problem. Lord Ryoma has told me all about it—you're incompetent and you're most likely a Nohrian spy. I don't know if I trust Lady Corrin yet, but I definitely don't trust you with that ridiculous 'from-another-world' story." His words are practically spitting with venom. "I come from a long line of loyal servants to the Hoshidan crown. I have worked my entire life to be Lord Ryoma's retainer. And you just stumble on in here, 'from another world', barely able to swing a sword without endangering yourself, and suddenly you're granted the exact same title. A peasant from any village could do a far better job than you ever could. It's disgusting and it's disgraceful."
"I… I don't…" I swallow hard. I have nothing to say. Didn't Ryoma compliment me on my performance the other day? Does Saizo just not have all the facts? Or is there something else going on here?
"Go on, say your piece, coward."
I say nothing. I bite my lip, holding back the beginnings of tears.
"Of course, you have nothing to say. Because you know this is true. You know that you are useless, that nothing would happen or change if I killed you here right now. Disposing of your body would only temporarily inconvenience the castle staff," he says.
"But Lady Sakura—"
"Lady Sakura is a naive child," he says flatly. "She doesn't understand the danger you and Lady Corrin put us in, and the dishonor you bring to Hoshido. I'll be watching for when you betray us—you'll be dead within the hour."
"Saizo! That's enough!" Standing in the hallway is Kagero. She doesn't look pleased, her arms crossed and her stare fixed on Saizo. It wasn't the same one she gave me earlier—this is more intense, more angry.
"Do not get involved, Kagero!"
"Saizo, there is no reason to speak so harshly. We are all on the same side here, all servants of the royalty of Hoshido," she says as she approaches us.
"I doubt that," Saizo replies, giving me a suspicious sidelong glance. "You cannot mean to say that his conduct is at all excusable."
"I don't know all the details of the situation. But I think you're being unfair and cruel, and speaking in a way unbecoming of a representative of Lord Ryoma."
"A representative of Lord Ryoma should speak the truth and nothing else," Saizo counters. "And on this note, milord wished to meet with me soon. I must take my leave." He takes a few steps in the direction I came in, past Kagero. I can't let him get away with this. I need to say something.
"Saizo." He stops and turns around, saying nothing. I take a deep breath in and prepare myself for what I'm about to say. "You're right. I am incompetent, I don't know what I'm doing, I got by through dumb luck." I keep trying to measure my tone even though I'm falling apart on the inside. Come on, I just need to make it through a little longer. "But I'm no coward. I took down a Faceless and saved a kid's life. I went toe-to-toe with one of the toughest Nohrian generals, enough to make it out of there alive. And even when I fucked up completely, undeniably, I still kept going and managed to help out Lady Sakura. So no—I'm not a coward. That's just wrong."
Both Saizo and Kagero remain silent. After a moment, Saizo speaks up. "Perhaps I was mistaken. You are no coward, but instead a foolhardy child playing soldier. As if that is any better." He pauses for a moment, then aims his stare directly at me. "Harrison…" he says, the disdain in his tone reaching a high that I didn't think was possible. "You might think you've made some friends here, but you cannot hide behind them forever. Your true worthlessness will be exposed then."
Kagero and I watch him go. After he rounds the corner, Kagero turns to me.
"I'm so sorry that Saizo is so difficult. He just takes his work very seriously," she says.
"Be honest with me, Kagero. What did Lord Ryoma say about me that made Saizo so pissed? I mean, I thought we were on pretty decent terms, but I guess that was wrong."
Kagero tilts her head. "He said he wasn't sure about you. That you've made some mistakes, but also did some good work during Lady Hinoka's mission." Kagero looks at me and smiles. "He also told us how you didn't use the baths correctly. You know, you're supposed to clean yourself before entering the bath."
"I didn't? Oh God, I'm fucked, aren't I? Shit, I didn't mean to be so disrespectful... I mean, how was I supposed to know that…"
Kagero laughs quietly. "It's all right. Lord Ryoma is not offended—he was actually quite amused by it, as was I."
"Let me guess, Saizo wasn't happy about it."
She shakes her head. "After Lord Ryoma told us about you, just casually, Saizo told us, in no uncertain terms, that he thought of you as a threat and liability. The bath 'incident', if you want to call it that, just made him even more convinced." She sighs. "I'm sorry, I didn't think he'd take it out on you so soon."
"It's all right. Thanks to some other individuals, who I probably should not identify"- I say that bit quietly, eliciting a small smile from Kagero—"I'm pretty used to this kind of treatment."
"On the bright side, you're in good company—he doesn't trust Lady Corrin, either. He's probably been going around the castle, compiling files on you two," she says, shrugging her shoulders as if it's the most normal thing in the world.
I sigh. "I don't mean to be rude, but I really need to take a walk and clear my head after all of that."
Kagero nods. "I understand. Again, I'm extremely sorry about Saizo. I'm sure, in time, as you prove your worth to Lady Corrin and Lord Ryoma that he'll relax his anger."
"If I prove my worth," I mutter. "See you later." I head towards the end of the hallway and find a stairway that takes me downstairs and leads me outside. It's sometime in the mid-afternoon, the sky is bright but not uncomfortably so. There's very little out here. It's just an open field leading to a lake up ahead, with no one standing around it here. It strikes me as odd that no Hoshidan soldiers are standing guard here. I look up at the castle that I just exited—there are some guards patrolling on rooftop battlements. I suppose in their minds that does the job. I'm certainly in no position to argue, anyway.
I walk up to the lake, feeling the soft grass beneath my shoes. There isn't a brown or dried patch to be seen. Maybe Hoshido really is the miracle country the game made it out to be.
I sit down just before the grass turns to a half a foot of wet dirt that leads into to the lake. The water is still and calm. It's a relaxing sight, a far cry from the hectic atmosphere in that hallway. I think back to Saizo and what he said. Try as I might to rationalize myself, he's at least partially right. I've fucked up on several occasions, and if Ryoma is still at least somewhat suspicious of me, how much have I really accomplished?
I thought I was making progress… but I now I'm starting to hate this. Every second I'm on trial, every second I'm being judged. I'm not allowed to screw up, or have room to learn at all. The learning curve is practically an exponential function, slope approaching infinity. I get that people's lives are on the line when we're in combat, but using the baths wrong? Is that really cause for alarm, Saizo? He's just fucking my chances of living. I pick up a small rock in the dirt and throw it into the lake, watching the ripples spread out and dissipate.
I hear a soft voice humming behind me. It sounds like the tune of Azura's song… "Lost in Thoughts All Alone". I turn around and see the princess herself approaching me.
"Lady Azura," I call out to her, trying to muster a relatively content face to hide my thoughts. "Do you need something?"
"Not exactly," she says. "You looked down on yourself, sitting alone out here. And I haven't gotten the chance to talk to you before." What is she after? I try to gauge it in her expression, but her face remains entirely neutral, betraying no emotion whatsoever.
"Alright… thanks, I guess," I reply hesitantly.
Azura walks over and sits down next to me. "How has your stay in Hoshido been?" she asks.
"It's had its ups and downs…" I say, my voice trailing off. I don't want to implicate anyone here, but I'm pretty sure she knows about Takumi at the least. After all, she was there when he went ballistic.
"Be honest with me, Harrison," she replies. She looks at me intently, and I give her a confused look back. Again, I'm not sure what she wants… "Relax. It's all right—you can speak freely with me. I came here of my own free will. It's not like Takumi wants me to spy on you," she says, giving me a slight smile.
"Okay then. I trust you." I breathe in, and she nods. "I get the feeling that a lot of people here don't trust me… I mean, like you said, you know about Lord Takumi. But he's gotten his retainers on his side also, and just now Saizo went off on me too. I thought I was doing well, but I just make people mad wherever I go. I don't know what to do anymore."
"That's perfectly understandable," she says. "I know what it's like to be an outsider, too. When I first came here, some of the Hoshidan officials didn't acknowledge me as a member of the royal family. But Queen Mikoto treated me like her own daughter and refused to hear anyone's objections to the fact. Sure enough, the daimyos came around." Azura smiles.
"That's a really nice story, I mean that sincerely." I look back from Azura to the lake. "But I don't have anyone like the queen on my side. I saved a goddamn child from being mauled by a Faceless and apparently Lord Ryoma himself isn't even sure about me!"
"Had your arrival not been alongside Corrin's, my siblings might look upon you more favorably. To them, you're not their darling long-lost sister, you're just a foreigner who happened to be along for the ride."
"Quite a bit more than a foreigner, I'd say."
"Yes…" she nods slowly, looking towards me. "About that. How are things back home?"
"Home? Like, my home?" That's really an odd thing to ask. Azura nods. "Uh… all right. Earth is fine. Everything's okay, I'm pretty sure my parents and my sisters are doing pretty well. I hope so, anyway."
"Not Earth. You know what I mean."
"Huh? Milady, I've said this several times, but I'm not lying with my story. I really am from-"
"Has he taken over yet?"
I pause for a moment as I try to process what she's doing. "Who the hell is he?" My home? He? What is she trying to ask me about? "Lady Azura. I don't know what you're talking about. I mean it."
"Oh gods," she says, her expression dropping and her eyes widening. "There must be nothing left."
"What are you talking about?" I ask, in one last effort to understand.
"It's nothing important." She pauses, her eyes focusing off into the distance as if calculating her next words. "I'm sorry. I know I said I believed your story, but in the back of my mind I always held some doubt, some hope that you were from somewhere else. But now I do trust you, completely."
"Uh-huh." I reply, looking at her suspiciously. Is she referring to… No. She couldn't have thought I'm from Valla, and that Earth was a cover identity for that. But the curse would explain why she's being so vague. It also means I can't say anything in response or press her further. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you. But I really am from Earth. It's as true as two plus two equals four."
"I see that now," she says in a low, dejected tone. "Still, I'm glad I got to talk to you, Harrison."
"Are you really?" I ask. I thought Azura was being nice to me, but I'm beginning to realize I'm just a means to an end for her. And now, Saizo's words are weighing on my mind and intermingling with hers. I really do have no friends here, because I'm incompetent and useless. "You're glad you got to talk to the shittiest retainer in all of Hoshido and Nohr? The only one who relies on his liege to protect him time and time again?"
"I don't know if I'd use that word to describe you," she replies, more gently this time. "Corrin's lucky to have someone who has put up with all these problems and obstacles. Even if your performance on the battlefield might not match the others, your dedication is incredible. I have to say, I'm quite impressed."
"Thanks, Lady Azura." I try to muster up a smile, and she returns it.
"And I'm sure you know that Sakura's found you nothing short of intriguing."
"I don't know why, but she seems to be a lot more receptive to me than the others, except for Lady Corrin, of course. I'm glad that she's on my side."
"See? You aren't alone as you thought," she replies. "I know you'll figure this out."
"You're right. Thank you so much." I begin standing up, stretching. "I really needed that."
"I could tell," she says, smoothing some of her blue hair back into place. "Let's return to the castle."
Even if I had my moments of doubt, I do feel better about my conversation with Azura. Sure, she had that bit when she tried to use me for information, but even after she found out what she wanted to find out, she still wanted to help me. Especially if she really was talking about Valla, I can't fault her for holding on to some slim hope of her homeland not being completely devastated. But did she really think the paper money and everything was a cover? I don't know if I'll ever get a straight answer.
All I've been hearing since I came to Hoshido is doubt. Takumi and his retainers doubt me. Saizo doubts me. Ryoma and Azura, to some extent, doubt me as well. Even Kaze and Rinkah think I made up the germ theory idea… wait a minute. We haven't checked the results on that yet. That's still just sitting there, waiting for us to open it up and for me to prove that I know what I'm talking about. It might not make a difference except to the thoughts of Kaze, Rinkah, and Sakura, but it'd be nice to have one small victory today. And barring any foul play, this victory is one I've got in the bag.
If only I could say the same of my efforts to save Mikoto.
A/N: And this chapter is a wrap. I hope you all enjoyed it!
Not sure where all the love for the story came from all of a sudden in the previous chapter, but I really appreciate it! Also, to the guest who suggested their own story idea - I say you should go for it!