A/N: Ah, this was fun. WE HAS TITLE PAGE! Look at it in all its amazingness. That should be a word. It took me about four evenings to draw, so you BETTER like it. It was also great fun to draw and colour in; drawn in my notebook, coloured in with Paint . net. I know I'm supposed to be in Coldoz right now, but I think I'll do it every two chapters now because I couldn't resist writing this.

To answer a question, no, my name is not 'Melissa' and is in fact nowhere near 'Melissa'. The only Melissa I've ever met was a jerk. :P That's why I prefer being called Flu for short over Melli, because the latter sounds like something you'd call a Melissa or - *shudder* - a Mélodieux.

*shudder*

Kudos to you if you get the reference. If you do not, you led a deprived childhood.

We look up to see the sun in the centre of the sky, gently sending down warm rays to tickle our face. Around us the long grass whispers in the gentle breeze and above us the clouds float lazily past. To the sky we arise, our viewpoint overcome with azure for a moment until we reach a suitable height and it slides downwards so it is level with the horizon. Before us are the plains around Ir Qas, followed by the peaceful village itself and the great forest beyond that, a patchwork quilt of greens and golds. We start forwards, descending towards the village, but bank sharply to the left and head towards a rather extended house, a dark green swamp and a peculiar wooden construction…

A dark-scaled figure, attaching signs to the great wooden thing with the help of a small tower of wooden planks, whips around abruptly to face us, magenta locks flying out behind her in the wind.

"Triston, what the heck are you doing? There's no freaking wind in Minecraft! And why am I speaking in bold? Why are you narrating?"

Aw, it's so much fun. Look, I can do a barrel roll! Our viewpoint flips dizzyingly and spirals out of control for a moment before returning to its original position. The endergirl rolls her eyes.

"Whatever, Triston. I'd like to have the narration back now."

Just a liiittle bit longer? Pretty-pretty please?

Gosh, no. Look, even I'm talking in bold. I feel like… like you. I hate it. I hate it so much.

I think you sound good in bold. As a bonus, I have ULTIMATE COSMIC POWER!

Eety-beety living space. That is, the inside of her head.

"Well, speaking in bold-speak certainly doesn't make you any kinder."

How about you tell our readers what you're doing, Flu?

"What you suggested last time," she replies, turning around again to adjust the nearest sign. The wooden construction appears to be a giant notice board, covered in various signs and raised two blocks off the ground by fence posts. It's five blocks across, made of oak planks. In its centre, sticking out the top, is a singular block; the sign on it reads:

WALL
OF
ACHIEVEMENTS

Ah. So it's everything you've failed at, recorded for all the villagers to see so they can laugh at you.

Flu glares at thin air. "Why the present tense, anyway?"

I like present tense. It's all… present-y. It makes me feel current. Up with the times, yo!

"I don't know anyone who says that."

Oh. Well, now you do. I feel so powerful right now… can I make lightning, do you think? I wanna make lightning! SMITE! SMITE! SMITE!

"No. No you cannot make lightning. No smiting, Triston. Look, let's go get some stuff done," she resolves, finishing off the last sign and destroying the wooden tower from beneath her.

Quick, quick! Smite her before she notices!

"Ha, ha, ha," Flu states sarcastically. "Hilarious, I'm sure. Go die in a hole."

Love you too.

Let's all share the love, Mellifluousness!

She rolls her eyes before shuddering as cave noise resounds, a bit like a jet passing overhead… underground. We follow over her shoulder as she heads inside and stores a great multitude of signs inside her chest; it's been about three days and she has acquired two full stacks of wood from the nearby forest. Climbing the ladder and leaning out over the balcony railing, she stares off into the distance. "What do you think we should do today, guys? I'm running out of things to do…"

I know, I know! We should get the reviewers to give achievements to us like inthelittlewood!

That's ridiculous, Triston. It's probably copyrighted.

Yeah, but I'm a Narrator! I defy copyright!

All you defy is reason.

Copyright too…

"Let's go mining!" Flu suddenly declares, rearranging her inventory so her sword, pickaxe and axe are attached to her belt and heading back downstairs.

Wonderful. Maybe we can avoid getting eaten by cave spiders this time.

"That would be nice," the girl muses as she reaches the mine and heads down the stairs. Down Loony's Passage and towards Klutz's Demise, above us we see Herbe Pont and there is the magma fall…

"Hold on," Mellifluousness realises, stopping in her tracks, "I forgot torches!"

Oh my goodness…

One trip to the house later we are back at Klutz's Demise with a stack of sixty-four torches in hand. Noticing the still-dark cave that winds away to the left, Flu whips out her torches and strides forward confidently, prepared as ever to brave the darkest of places…

That is, creeping up like a coward because she's terrified out of her mind and never, EVER prepared to brave ANYTHING. Stop over-glorifying everything.

Meany. Don't make me give you a baby voice.

What do you mean, give me a baby voice-?

Abruptly Mélodieux starts speaking with a lisping baby voice!

Wait, WHAT? You can'th do thith to me! What the-? How ith thith happening? TWITHTON! WHAT DID YOU DO?

Amazing as ever, Triston the handsome narrator ignores obnoxious Mélodieux's pleas for forgiveness as Mellifluousness creeps down the darkened tunnel, placing torches on the walls and heedless to the argument playing out between the two voices in her head. "Thank Notch for that," she mutters. The cave abruptly drops off, a familiar waterfall and abandoned mineshaft visible below. "Hey, it's, it's that spider place! Where I died a whole bunch of times! I think I named it but I can't remember now… holy crap, skeleton!" Flu hisses, throwing herself against the wall lest it spot her. It seems caught in a cobweb just to the left of the mineshaft's entrance, but hasn't seen her yet. Noticing some iron in the wall with a pleasantly-surprised "Ooh," she whips out her pick and collects the stuff.

Thewiouthly, Twithton, the joke'th over now. Give me my voith back.

Nah. Mellifluousness, I don't think going in there right now is the best of ideas. "Yeah," she agrees, turning around thankfully and zipping back up the passageway. "I think I'll call it Skeleton's Reach," she adds conversationally, hair flying out behind her as she dashes past Herbe Pont. "What's up with Mélodieux, anyway?"

Twithton's as much of an idiot as you, that'th what.

Snickering at her voice, Flu makes her way down Loony's Passage and begins to ascend the stairs.The sound of a footstep on gravel makes her turn her head in surprise and her eyes widen at what she sees. "Loony?" The testificate looks at her, possibly smiling underneath his huge nose from where he stands in a small alcove.

"In a sense."

"Oh, cool. Wait, WHAT?"

Did Loony jutht TALK?

Oh dear.

Malicious laughter fills our ears as ghostly white tendrils escape the testificate's body, shooting to his side where they swirl and twist until an awfully humanoid form appears. Hair and a beard, a slightly scruffy shirt and pants, grey shoes; the man is slightly taller than Flu and his eyes are about the same colour as his body only more vibrant, glowing brightly. He grins wickedly, showing fangs, hands folded behind his back. Flu gapes.

"Hello, Mellifluousness. It's nice to finally meet you."

"Are… you… Herobrine?" she exclaims, taking a fearful step back.

"What was your first clue?" he snarls, reaching out a surprisingly solid and wickedly-clawed hand to grab the girl by the throat. She lets out a strangled gasp as he lifts her into the air like she's light as a feather and brings her face close to his.

"You've been joking about us for some time now," he growls. "I'm sure you think it's hilarious. Well, it's about time you discover what we're really like! Enjoy, Mellifluousness… and watch your back." With these words he fades into nothingness again and Flu falls to the ground, breathing heavily.

Wow, I should narrate more often! You can practically taste the drama in the air!

That wath pwetty impwethive, I mutht admit. You alive, coward?

"Barely!" she exclaims, leaping to her feet and whipping out her sword, which she points at Loony threateningly. "Avaunt thee, creepy possessed testificate! Stay back! I'm warning you!" Hopping backwards, she dashes up the staircase and into the sunlight, collapsing on the grass a safe distance from the entrance to the mine and staring up at the sky.

"Triston, I think you broke the world. Herobrine's after me now! Did you, like, say his name three times or something? Sacrifice a bunch of chickens, maybe?"

I know! Isn't it great? Also, he said 'we' – could this mean Israphel as well? Oh, joy!

"And the worst part is that you're not sarcastic in the slightest. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. I can still feel his claws closing around my neck…" she shudders, reaching up to touch her throat.

Aw, poor you. I sympathise entirely. That is, not at all. I knew it would come down to this sometime, what with all your Herobrine-this and Herobrine-that. Now you're going to die because of it. I'm delighted!

"At least you side with me, don't you, Triston?"

Actually, no. I find this brilliant! To prove herself worthy of ruling the Overworld, the hero must undergo the greatest of trials, make enemies and allies, slay great beasts and eat pork chops…

"You know, I really hate you guys sometimes. Also, Mélodieux isn't lisping anymore. Wait, what was that about pork chops?"

You know you love us.

"I know I want to grab you by your metaphorical neck and throttle you."

I believe that's called 'tough love'. Either that or 'hilarious'.

Oh well. We'll be paying Coldoz a visit next chapter, so you won't have to worry about Herobrine there! Only obscene amounts of endermen and skeletons and possibly freezing to death!

"Wow. I feel better already, I'm sure," she says sarcastically.

Triston's booming laugh echoes off the roof of the sky and the distant mountains. I know you do, girl.

Now can I smite things?