Absolute Shocker!
By JamesRoxMySox
Disclaimer: I own nothing recognisable from the Harry Potter books or movies that belongs to J.K.Rowling and Warner Brothers studios
Thursday 2nd December – Transfiguration
Potter's officially insane
Wait… I'm officially insane
I think I've entered an alternate universe, where chocolate chip cookies don't exist
I mean seriously, I repaid my favour to Potter only to end up owing him another!
Sick and twisted bloody world
It was about 15 minutes later that Potter came back down the stairs carrying a blank piece of parchment and something tucked into his robes
I looked at him questioningly
He ignored my curious glance...
"Follow me"
Yes, sir!
Shall I lick the mud off your boots as well?
What does he think I am? A mindless groupie?
How about you tell where we're going first? That would be helpful…
"Er… Where to?"
He sighed
"Can't you just follow me and find out later?"
Like hell I can
"No"
He dragged me away from my favourite tradition for what exactly? Potter better explain if he expects me to repay the favour…
He turned around with an exasperated look
"Why do you have to be so difficult?"
Why do you have to be such an arrogant, over bearing wanker?
"Just tell me where we're going and what I have to do"
"The Library"
Well that's a start, but what exactly do I have to do?
"And?"
"I'll tell you later"
Ugh! And he calls me frustrating!?
Potter just walked off in the direction of the Library, leaving me to catch up with him
I was tempted to just turn right around, go back up to my dormitory and rejoin my happy little party but then decided that Potter would probably not appreciate this and would acquire an eve more negative attitude towards me.
So I scrambled through the portrait hole and jogged to catch up with Potter…
"So what exactly is it that you want me to do?"
He didn't even look at me
"I'll tell you when we get there"
Doesn't it make you just make you want to smack him one
"No tell me! I remember you said you wouldn't make do anything I didn't want to do"
Potter looked at me with this wolfish smile on his face
"Who says you won't want to do me this favour?"
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
Bloody hell!
My eyes went wide and I leaned away from him
Potter quickened his pace and left me to my thoughts
If that wasn't a suggestive question I have no idea what is, seriously it scared the bleeding daylights out of me
I kept to the safe distance of 2m behind him and avoided all forms of eye contact from then on
It was only my Gryffindor pride keeping me from running back to my dorm where there was plenty of friends and food
Courage had nothing to do with it, I was not put into Gryffindor for my bravery, it was the pride thing. My ego nudges me into doing almost anything to keep it from becoming a shrivelled up, meaningless little lump.
Potter was waiting for me at the entrance to the library, I was still quite wary of him but he just rolled his eyes at me when I gave him a weird look…
I followed him past the librarian, Madam Pince, who gave me a small smile, to the study area at the very back of the library. To my relief the other Marauders were waiting for us
I discreetly let out the deep breath I had been subconsciously holding, dreading what the hell it was Potter wanted
"What did you do to the poor girl James she looks like she's going to her death"
Okay, maybe I wasn't as discreet as I would have liked
"Nothing" He answered simply
Nah nothing, I was just wondering how well liquid shows up on my skirt for the sake of it, nothing at bloody all.
I gave him a filthy look
"Why am I here?"
Potter gave me that look again and opened his mouth to give another disgusting comment, I have no doubt in that
Thank Merlin Remus stepped in
"We need an alibi"
An alibi?
I raised my eyebrows
"Normally that's one of my jobs but some of the teachers, namely the Slytherin head of house, are getting a tad suspicious of me and my credibility"
I just looked at him
And I'm here because?
"And we decided that we needed a new accomplice, you happened to be the perfect candidate seeing as most of the teachers trust you and you actually owe James a favour"
Great, basically because I'm a geek I get sucked into this… Why couldn't I be more like Nessa? No teacher would ever trust her as far they could throw her
"So what do I do?"
Do I really want to know?
"Sit here with Remus for about an hour to an hour and a half, while we go do what it is we want to do"
That's not so bad… apart from the fact that Remus is a NOSY PRAT WITH A SUBSTANTIAL IQ!
Fantastic, I'm gonna be grilled by Mr Sensitive over here because I 'intrigue' him with my atrocious actions while helping the Marauders keep out of trouble while they reek havoc on some poor, unsuspecting individual
Bloody Fantastic this sucks
"What am I supposed to do for that prolonged period of time? Watch the Dust fairies mating dance?
They all just stared at me
I rolled my eyes
"You come up with some weird shit, but if that's what want…"
This coming from Star Boy, who throws spaghetti at the wall to see if he'll win the quidditch match
"Well what am I suppose to say if a teacher turns up?"
"Say you're doing home work"
Thanks Peter, that would actually be plausible if I had my books with me
"Oh yes, silly me, why don't I just get my books out of my amazingly magical invisible satchel that follows me everywhere"
I glared
You know what the Marauders aren't as stupid as they seem, they actually took the hint and winced
"Here Lily you can borrow some parchment, ink and a quill of mine"
I looked around and sure enough all the marauders had their homework set up to look as though they had been diligently working away
I took the stationary from Remus and decided I may as well start that damned human transfiguration essay for McGonagall
"Fine" I huffed off to find a couple of books
When I got back Potter, Black and Peter had already left
"Do I even want to know what they're up to?"
Remus analysed me for a second
"Probably not"
Humf!
I was bored brainless and absolutely, outstandingly jealous of my friends, who were quite happy singing carols, putting up decorations and stuffing their faces
After a while Remus noticed my downcast look
"I assume you had something much better planned for this evening"
You don't say
"A bizillion times better, no offence meant of course "
"What would you have been doing? I noticed you weren't helping with the decorating"
Caught… again
"Fulfilling my annual tradition of decorating my dorm with my friends and I had permission from Amy to miss the prefect decorating tonight but I have to do it tomorrow"
"Well that does sound much more fun than wasting away next to me all evening"
He looks slightly put out
"Awww, Remus, I wasn't insulting your company, I'm just rather annoyed that I happen to be doing home work when I could very well be feasting on chocolate chip cookies"
That reminds me there had better be some cookies left when I get back or the festive season will be kicked off with a rather fantabulous mass execution
I went back to my work
Not that I did any work, I basically doodled little pictures of holly, bobbles and shining stars
Until I couldn't take it any longer
"Oh my god! Who cares about human transfiguration? I mean seriously, do you actually need this in later life? I suppose if you were interested in being an Animagus then hey it's all good but for the rest of us it's pretty damn pointless! Though you may need to know about some of this stuff I find it just so damn boring"
Remus lifted his brows
"Feel better?"
I was breathing deeply
"Surprisingly yes"
Damn it! What an out burst! I think I blew a fuse!
"What was that about my needing to know some of this?"
I stiffened
Crapolla
I couldn't keep my big mouth shut now could I?
"I… um …er … I… uh mean – "
My hands got all sweaty from the pressure
"Don't worry Lily I figured you worked it out, though I just have to ask if you have shared your little revelation with anyone?"
Relief swept through me
I shook my head
I haven't told a soul
Not even my owl Riley who I tell absolutely everything because he can't tell anyone… well no one who could possible be understood by a human being... if he can understand me at all that is
"No, I swear I haven't told anyone"
"Thank you, and thank you for staying my friend even though you know the truth"
I crumpled my forehead
"Why wouldn't I? You're the same person, the fact that you happen to turn into a slightly less pleasant form once a month doesn't really faze me seeing as our whole dorm does that"
Remus chuckled
"Thank you for comparing my lunar problems to the female menstrual cycle"
"Hey! Be grateful it's for only one night! We have to put up with a whole week and PMS! You got off lightly…"
He beamed at me…
"Well that puts it all into perspective"
"So it should, I'd hate to see you in a Total Perspective Vortex, you'd be gone in seconds"
I got another odd look
"You know, your eccentric train of thought makes you incredibly endearing"
I'm still trying to workout if that was a compliment or an insult
Maybe it's best if I just leave it completely alone
"What's it like turning into a ferocious monster once a month? We can compare notes"
Another bright smile
At least I can make him smile
"It's so-so, cravings, pains, back aches"
I gave him a sympathetic look
"I know what you mean, those pineapple juice and mei goreng cravings really get me, though you should try applying heat for the cramps and back ache, it helps heaps"
"I'll keep that in mind"
We fell into silence once again
"So Lily have resolved any of your outstanding issues yet?"
I groaned
"No! Though Black has finally shut up about the whole boyfriend thing, thank Merlin, since the quidditch match…"
"Ah yes, when you and James made his face indistinguishable from mouldy pizza"
I laughed
"Yeah, but what's up with that?"
Remus looked at me searchingly
"Up with what?"
"Potter, one second he is a perfectly nice human being helping me rearrange Reggie's face, the next he's jerk of the month following me around with death glares"
Remus kept his expression neutral
"I wouldn't say it's that bad, he has the same intentions behind his actions"
I was not at all swayed from my stance
"Really? You try being on the end of one of his glares, not a favourable place to be I can tell you! As for his intentions, what exactly are they? Preservation of stress ball victim?"
Remus was about to answer but I kept going
"I swear that boy has split personality disorder, do you think they could help him in St Mungo's or would he have to be sent to some screwed up muggle psychiatrist? You never know it could do wonders for him. They say this disorder results from suppressed desires, do you have any idea what desires Potter is suppressing?"
I looked at Remus inquisitively wide eyed
Let's see Mr. Cool deal with that
"I'm not even going to comment"
If you can't beat 'em, confuse the heck out of 'em
"We're back, but we saw Fogarty heading this way so if we could all just act like we're working that would be good"
I glared at Black as I went back to taking random facts about human transfiguration down
Do you think McGonagall would let me do my assignment on werewolves? I know it's more Defence Against the Dark Arts but it has to do with transfiguration mainly. Though I suppose it could be seen as natural transfiguration…
"POTTER! BLACK!"
Oooh! Fogarty looks a little peeved
"Take down those idiotic mistletoe before I give you two months worth of detention"
I looked at the Marauders
Their innocent looks are firmly in place
"But sir we've been here all evening!"
Pft! Sirius couldn't pull off an innocent act if he was Shirley Temple
"It's true sir, I've been with them the whole time"
"Lupin don't start, I've heard enough of your testimonies to last me well into my next life time"
He's gone red!
"Professor we've been here for the last two hours, I don't know what's happened but it couldn't possibly be Potter or Black"
All five males turned to me in surprise
"Is that you Miss Evans?"
"Yes sir"
"And you say these boys have been here since 7:30?"
If you say so...
"Correct sir, they were helping me"
"What with may I ask?"
Bollocks
"My human transfiguration assignment, Potter and Black are two of the best in the school at Transfiguration so I was entailing their help"
I showed him my random notes, knowing full well that the bloke is so blind he couldn't make head nor tale of them. Luckily I had just added a diagram so it looked even better
"Very good Miss Evans, keep up the good work"
He turned to leave and I let out a relieved sigh
"Miss Evans, what type of human transfiguration are you doing?"
Bollocks
Bollocks
Bollocks
"Er… Animagus!"
"Very good, if you need help at all with the potion component don't hesitate to ask"
I nodded
Thank god he's blind, if he had seen the colour of my face he would have known there was something up
This is why I believe I now live in an alternate universe, I managed to pull off lying to a teacher, when normally I find it hard to lie to my pillow
"So we're the best in the school are we?" Smiled Black arrogantly
I rolled my eyes
"I have no idea actually, I made that up"
Oh poor Star Boy doesn't like that
"Never mind Padfoot, I'm sure you'll find someone else to stroke your ego"
Black pouted
"You're pretty good at the whole 'creative answers thing"
I carried on packing up
"An over active imagination" I answered nonchalantly
"Oh crap, now I have to do Animagus for my project"
Peter was rather perplexed by this
"Why?"
Why?!
"Because Fogarty will go tell McGonagall about this little meeting, damn it"
They didn't understand my predicament
"And this is bad how?"
"It's bad because I am gigantically, colossally awful at Transfiguration and now I have to do a2 rollassignment on Animagus! Could my night get any worse?"
I hate this! Damn McGonagall and her sodding assignments
"Jamsie here could help"
Yep, my night can get worse. That one statement is what nightmares are made of
I looked at them suspiciously
Bloody Star Boy and his bloody loud mouth
"I did this tonight so I would no longer be indebted to Potter and now you want me to owe him again?"
"Well not meaning to boast" snort from Remus "But James and I happen to be the best at transfiguration and I'm sure that the wonderful Head Boy won't mind upholding his responsibilities of helping younger students"
I looked at Potter
He seemed eager to help, a little too eager
"Fine, whatever" I snapped "If you'll excuse me I have to go convince half the Gryffindor female population I was not in a broom closet all evening"
Believe me that is exactly what I was doing
Dana and Bridget refused to believe that I could be gone for so long just to sit around doing homework and making excuses
But this sucks I now have Potter helping me with my assignment
This is definitely an alternate dimension
I was doing homework instead of listening to mindless gossip and hanging holly
Being a werewolf is not all that different from being female
Star Boy was actually being sensible and helpful
Potter was willing to help
and there are…no…sodding…cookies!
Thank you very much to all my lovely reviewers! Don't worry the next chapter will be up in a couple of days it's typed, been to the beta and just waiting to be uploaded!
Thank you to:
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And a colossally humungous thank you to my beta Cait, who I would be lost with out. Thanks Cait for reading, reviewing and fixing all my despicable mistakes
Now I just have to ask
Who do YOU think Lily will be going to The Annual Christmas Ball with?
Please remember to answer and….
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