Chapter 21: Needle ice
Haru, Kyoko and Chrome were having a walk in the gardens, enjoying the warm weather. Tsuna had introduced the young illusionist to them a few days ago, and since then the two friends did everything to make her feel comfortable, telling her about the history of the kingdom and its inhabitants, the noble families, foreign lands, and helping her to adjust to her new life as the Mist Guardian, which implied to know how to behave in court and what clothing to choose. She was allowed to wear trousers, but after seeing the dresses of the other ladies she had wanted to try some.
They were quietly discussing about the use of several medicinal plants, making sure that the young woman did not feel left out, when the latter stopped abruptly. Turning to her to see what the matter was, they noticed that she was crying silently.
"What is wrong?" Kyoko inquired with worry. "Are you feeling unwell?"
"I am sorry," she said, shielding her face from view, as she was suddenly ashamed. "Please, do not mind me."
"Nonsense!" Haru cried. "You are our friend; friends care about each other." She looked at her with surprise, and then burst into tears. Kyoko immediately moved forwards to comfort her, tracing soothing circles on her back.
"Here; it's alright, it's alright."
"Did I say something wrong?" the maid-in-waiting asked, puzzled.
"No, it is not your fault," Chrome replied ounce her sobs subdued. "I am not used to people being nice with me; I am touched," she explained, embarrassed. They would certainly find her stupid.
"It's only natural," the daughter of Lord Sasagawa replied. "You've lived a difficult life."
"King Tsunayoshi was the first to be kind to me since I was separated from Master Mukuro and the others. I am deeply honored to be his Mist Guardian."
Haru smiled, but could not help feeling a tinge of suspicion and jealousy at the way she talked about him.
"It is not surprising," Kyoko said, humming in approval. "The king is a generous and open-minded person."
It was one of the reasons why she admired him.
"I'm losing my time!" Gokudera cried in frustration as he suddenly pushed on his feet. Shamal cracked an eye open, looking at him from where he was sprawled in the grass, arms behind his head. He did not seem disturbed in the slightest, which fueled his anger.
"If I agreed to endure all your rants about flirting and other nonsense, it's to train not to sit in the ground doing nothing!"
"You are doing something," he countered. "The point of the exercise is to make you relax, and thus aware of the energy that you control and that flows through your body, just as you can feel your heart ignite when you are in love."
"Here you are with that crap again!" the Storm mage growled. "But you will have to keep that for someone else. I'm done training with you!"
He did not wait for him to reply and left, going back to the castle where he could do something more useful.
"Ah, these young people; they are so ungrateful," the healer sighed before closing his eyes and resuming his nap.
The frustration the Storm Guardian felt after his training immediately vanished when he saw Tsuna standing in front of one of the window, deep in thought.
"Your Majesty, how can I serve?" he bowed.
"Please, there is no need for such formalities," he said, turning to face him. "I want to talk to you as a friend." Gokudera opened his mouth to protest –he was his king, he had to show him the respect he was due- and then closed it as quickly. "As you wish," he replied, waiting with curiosity as to why he wanted to see him.
"I meant to ask you…why you left your home."
His question caught him off guard.
Breathing deeply, he regained his composure and tried to ignore the strong feelings that resurfaced when talk about his family came up.
"As you already know, I am an illegitimate child," he began slowly. "My father met my mother while traveling to the Sky kingdom. She was a musician, the most talented, and gorgeous." Tsuna noticed how his tone softened and how his eyes shone with affection as he spoke about her. However, it did not last, replaced by anger.
"He left her behind after my birth. Since it was improper –the way he spat the word left little imagination as to what he thought about his father's behavior in the first place- for her to stay in the estate, she was allowed to see me only a few times during the year. Of course, I was not aware of who she really was, for me she was a friend of the family, until I discovered the truth. When she…" Throat tight with emotion, he did his best to prevent his voice from breaking. It was a very unusual sight for Tsuna to see him so vulnerable.
"When she left this world, I overheard a conversation between two servants. They were talking about her and wondering what their lord was going to do with the son he had with her. It did not make any sense, because he was married to Bianchi's mother, but as soon as I heard my name I understood. This illegitimate child was me, born from an affair. During all those years he had been lying to me. So, I left them, fending for myself. You know the rest."
"I am truly sorry," he said with sincerity.
"You should not be," he replied. "It seems we both have shitty fathers." Tsuna averted his eyes for a moment, and braced himself for what was coming.
"Speaking of that…the reason I summoned you was that I would like you to pay a visit to your family in Lumeria." The Storm Guardian froze, staring at him.
"Your Majesty, I am not sure…" he began, dreading the implication of his words.
"I would like you to reconnect with him, or at least to sort things out. I was told that you have never spoken to him during all those years, despite his numerous attempts to reach you."
"And there is a reason to that!" he cried before forcing himself to calm down. "We have nothing to say to each other."
"You do not know that," the king observed.
"Yes-I…" he ran a hand through his hair. "You do not understand…Your Majesty, please; do not do that to me…" he said, almost pleading. It pained the Sky mage to see him like that, and by his own hand. The guilt he had felt earlier when making this decision returned full force.
"I will do anything you order, but do not ask that from me…I cannot" he continued. "After all he did, this is beyond my strength."
"I would never ask you to do something that would harm you or make you suffer," he replied. "I am aware that it must be hard, believe me I am, but you still have the chance to have your father back, to put an end to this conflict I know is weighing on you."
"If it is what you wish, I will obey," he said, bowing his head.
"I do not want to force you. I would like you to go to your home willingly. I will let you two days to think about it and to give me your answer."
But do you not see that my home and my family are here?
"Understood, Your Majesty," he bowed and made a few steps before turning around. "It is all because of Xanxus, isn't it?" he inquired. "You've been thinking about Iemitsu."
"Yes," the king admitted. His friends had always been perceptive. Since his fight against Xanxus and particularly since the revelations he made bout Lord Timoteo, his father had been occupying his mind, to the point he had almost forgot about the High Advisor. He deeply resented the man for what he did to him and to his mother, but should he not forgive him before all his anger and bitterness consumed him as it did to Xanxus? Even if he knew that he would never go as far as attempting to destroy him, the idea of ending up like the other Sky mage still disturbed him. On the other hand, he felt that deep down he was not ready for forgiveness. He had hurt him too much. Then, he had thought about Gokudera. He knew that he left his family after a quarrel with his father, and until now ignored the details.
If there was still a chance for them to be a family again, Tsuna would seize it.
"I just want you to be happy, Hayato." The Storm Guardian nodded absentmindedly and left the king's quarters.
Tsuna sighed, hoping he had made the right decision.
Upon entering her quarters, Hana saw a white rose on her dressing table. It did not take her a lot of thinking to deduce who had left the flower. For the past few days, he had been showering her with kindness and presents. Letting out a sigh of frustration, she headed to the training yard with determination.
As usual, he was sparring with Takeshi. The latter informed him of her presence with a sign, and the knight turned to face her, offering the young woman a beaming smile.
"Lady Hana!"
"I need to talk to you, Sir Ryohei. In private." At her tone and expression, the Rain Guardian felt slightly worried for his friend, who seemed oblivious.
"Immediately, my Lady," he replied, sheathing his weapon. He even took the time to wipe the sweat on his face with a piece of cloth before joining her.
They went to a more secluded area, where they could discuss without being disturbed.
"I found your flower," she began.
"Did you like it?" he asked, hopeful. "I thought it would be fitting considering your first name. And women love flowers." She arched an eyebrow. He had gone so far as to search the meaning of her first name?
"No, I-"
"Oh, is it the color?"
"No, that's not it-"
"Maybe I should have taken a red rose instead," he interrupted her again, nervous.
"Please, Ryohei-"
"Or I can offer you something else-"
"I do not love you!" she cried, exasperated that he would not listen to her.
Her words were accompanied by a deafening silence. She swore mentally. She did not want to tell him like that. He stared at her, stunned. Well, if she wanted his attention now she certainly had it.
"Forgive me, Lady Hana. I am not sure I heard you correctly," he said slowly, confused.
"I-I appreciate your kindness toward me and all the gifts, but I do not reciprocate your feelings." She felt awful as she saw his eyes fill with sadness and hurt. Her fingers reached to rest lightly on his arm. "You deserve someone who truly loves you," she said, hoping that it would ease the pain. But a sarcastic part of her told her that it was useless. She could have well ripped his heart off of his chest and trampled it, it would have been the same. "And I am sorry, but I am not this person."
"I understand," he said quietly. It was so unlike him, so different from his cheerful self that she instantly decided that she hated it, although there was nothing she could do. She knew that it would be worse to lie to him.
"I am sorry for all the annoyance I caused, Lady Kurokawa. I swear it will not happen again." He reached for something on his upper arm, and then extended his hand toward her.
"I believe it belongs to you," he said calmly. "Now if you will excuse me, my friend is waiting for me. I wish you a good day, Lady Kurokawa." She watched him go, speechless, and slowly opened her hand. In her palm was the ribbon she had given him.
The Captain was sitting on the floor in front of a sculpted box, his Storm leopard lying not far away from him. He had retreated to his quarters to think. They contained a bed, a trunk for his clothing and his sword, and that was it. There were no tapestries on the walls, no decorations of any sort unless the parchments and the numerous books that were neatly piled on the desk could be considered as such. He ran slowly his fingers along the surface, until he reached the lock. With a deep breath, he opened the wooden case. On a cushion rested a lute made of dark wood. It had been there, untouched, for years. Delicately, almost reverently, he picked it up.
"Please, tell me what I should do," he murmured.
With a shaky hand, he plucked the strings. The notes echoed for a moment in the air, crystalline. A pause. Other notes followed, and then a melody was formed. For a moment, nothing but the music existed; he felt complete. How could he have forgotten that it was such an essential part of him? He saw himself when he was a little boy, holding the same instrument, and gaining confidence as a soft voice encouraged him. He saw the kind smile that he loved so much, the bright green eyes and the long white hair.
The melody abruptly stopped.
He inhaled deeply, trying to clear his vision that was blurry, and his head snapped up as he heard a noise. Uri looked toward the door. The Storm Guardian put the instrument back to its case and quickly moved toward the source of the noise.
Looking in the corridor, he saw Lady Kyoko's maid-in-waiting walking, her back turned to him.
"Spying on people, are we? Don't you have better things to do, woman?" She came to a halt, and slowly turned around, berating herself for her lack of discretion, her face flushed in embarrassment. Now that she had been caught, there was no point of denying.
"I am sorry, Captain Gokudera, I did not mean to." She knew that she should not have listened. The music was absolutely beautiful, but also deeply moving, melancholic, almost intimate, as if the person had poured their heart and soul into this. It had felt wrong, but the emotions it had raised inside of her had been too strong, and so she had gave in. She was astonished at the realization that it had been Gokudera.
Her eyes being riveted to the ground, she did not see his expression softened almost imperceptibly when he noticed her wiping her tears. The movement had been quick, meant to be discreet, but he had seen it nonetheless.
"Don't do that again. Ever," he said firmly.
"I won't, I promise," she said before adding hesitantly. "It was very beautiful…that is the reason why I listened. I did not mean to be rude." An uncomfortable silence followed as he did not say a word, pinning her under a stern gaze.
"I did not know that you could play the lute," she continued. "Who taught you, if I may ask?" he bit back a sharp retort and somehow found himself answering. "My mother taught me." She immediately understood at his pained expression and smiled ruefully.
"I know how it feels," she confided. "It is my mother who taught me how to make clothing." He looked at her and something passed between them. It was almost imperceptible, and disappeared as soon as she broke eye contact to curtsy.
"I apologize again for my behavior," she said. "But if I may, Captain Gokudera, you should play more often."
He watched her walk away, leaving him to ponder on what had just happened. She had had no obligation to tell him about her mother.
It had been a kind gesture; a sign of trust.
"I-pin!" Lambo exclaimed, having finally found her after looking everywhere in the castle, eager to tell her the good news.
"Hello Lambo," she greeted with a smile.
"I am the Lightning Guardian!" he announced, almost shoving his hand in her face, so she could see the proof.
"Congratulations!" she said genuinely. "The king has all his Guardians now. Do you not apprehend your trial as the Lightning Guardian?"
"Nah!" he said, waving his hand dismissively. "I know I will succeed. I was thinking about having lunch together in the city, to celebrate that. Takeshi's father is an excellent cook."
"Oh, I would love it but I am sorry, I have training with Captain Hibari." His smile vanished, replaced by a frown.
"You could do that another day; he will understand if you say you cannot practice today, will he not? Or you could have training later." But despite his insistence and efforts, the answer was the same.
"I am sorry, I can't. As the captain of the royal guard he is very busy, and it was one of the rare moments he was available," she explained. "He is a talented fighter; I learn a lot from him."
"I see," he said, obviously disappointed.
"We can have lunch tomorrow," she suggested, hoping to brighten him up. However, it was in vain.
"It will not be the same" he replied bitterly. "Forget about what I said, it doesn't matter. I have only been chosen as the Lightning Guardian, the first among my people, after all. Good training with Hibari."
Tsuna was preparing himself for the audience of the morning, when someone knocked at the door of his quarters.
"Come in," he said. The door was pushed open, revealing the captain of his personal guard.
"What is it Gokudera?"
"I apologize for disturbing you, Your Majesty," he said, his expression more than ever. "I came here to give you my answer."