Bonnie sat cross legged on the bed in the motel room. She had her eyes closed, her hands resting lightly on her knees.
She stayed silent, concentrating as much as she could.
Damon watched her from the other bed, sitting on the edge, not taking his eyes off her as he drank his bourbon.
Bonnie let out a loud sigh. "Nothing."
"At all?" Damon asked.
"I cant see anything, she isn't letting me." Bonnie shook her head. "She must not be able to...maybe the seer would know."
"Or maybe" Damon stood up, crossing the room to fill his glass again. "Mommy dearest switched sides on us." His words were playful, but his voice was strained. Bonnie could hear his sadness.
"No, I don't think so." Bonnie uncrossed her legs and made her way off the bed. "Damon, I really believe she doesn't want anything to happen to you."
"And why-" Damon slammed the top to the bourbon on the bottle. "would you think that."
"Because," Bonnie walked closer to him, just a foot away. "She loves you."
Damon stared down at her, finding comfort in the way Bonnie looked at him.
He could always find himself in her eyes. He didn't feel the enormous weight of countless attempts to be a better man when he looks at her, he only feels support. Bonnie lifts him up in a way that reminds him of who he can be. He sees a better man in her eyes, he sees what she sees.
Damon shook his head, "She hasn't spent enough time with me then."
Bonnie let herself smile a little, her voice very soft.
"Damon, no one wants to come to your pity party." She made sure to smile encouragingly at him when he looked at her, pain in his eyes. "You think your mother would stop loving you if she really knew you?" Bonnie put her hand on his arm.
"I think- she saw everything she needed to see when she looked at you. It doesn't matter who you were in the past because, despite what you may think, your sarcasm and piercing glares don't cover up who you really are now."
Damon kept his eyes on her, taking in what she was saying. He swallowed and looked down into his glass.
"And who is that?"
Bonnie knew how vulnerable Damon was letting himself be. She knew he was trusting her in this moment. He was trusting her not to tell him what he wants to hear, but what he needs to hear.
"Who ever you want to be." Her voice was almost a whisper. " It's your choice."
Damon's eyes went back to hers.
At his core, Damon ached for his humanity. He wanted so badly for the darkest parts of him to be bathed in light. In that moment, Bonnie's words reminded him of this. Who he is, that's his choice. He can fight the darkness, he can fight the pieces of him that tear at his soul until it shreds like paper.
He had been fighting to make the right choices for awhile now. He was constantly on guard as to what Elena wanted him to do. He still felt like the man who had to constantly prove his worth, his goodness. He thought that when Elena chose him, he had earned his redemption. That she had seen the goodness in him because he had become a better man. But despite his lack of outward destruction, it didn't change who he was. Damon made the choices he thought Elena wanted him to make. His own self hatred, that pulled him into darkness, that never changed.
And that- that self-loathing that constantly ripped into Damon, that's what Bonnie saw. She saw his self-destruction. She saw it and aimed for it. Bonnie was the one person who challenged Damon to be better, not because it benefited her or anyone else, but because it benefited Damon. Because he was capable of so much more, because he deserved better.
Damon and Bonnie didn't break eye contact even after they were standing there for awhile, Bonnie's hand on his arm. Damon wanted to say something to thank her, to let her know how much her support meant to him, but he couldn't- or wouldn't find the words.
Bonnie could feel her heart pounding and prayed that Damon didn't notice. She didn't like the way he was making her feel lately, she didn't like that he suddenly had the power to make her so nervous.
The tension became too much for her and Bonnie looked away, pulling her hand back while she turned around to the bed. She sat on the edge and stretched out her legs, crossing her feet at her ankles. Her eyes on the floor.
Damon watched her, unsure of what her behavior meant.
Before their trip to the prison world, Damon was pretty sure she would have rather been with anyone else than him for four months. While they were there, they bonded and it became clear to him that she cared for him. How much, he wasn't sure but he knew she cared. Then when she returned, she came to him first. She made him pancakes and she jumped into his arms.
He was thrilled to see her, but even more pleased that she was just as happy to see him. It was a moment of clarity for him, that she returned the affection he had developed for her. The fact that she chose him, over everyone else, it shook Damon. He realized that their bond was far more profound than either of them recognized, until that moment. The moment she was in his arms.
And now, alone again, Damon felt this uncontrollable urge to bring her back into his arms. He could tell she was feeling something, sitting on the bed and avoiding his gaze. He didn't know what it was, but he knew she needed him.
"Bonnie?" Damon questioned, moving away from the dresser and closer to where she sat.
"Hmm?" She kept her eyes on her feet, which were now fidgeting.
"I don't think the floor has the answer to whatever it is jumping around in that head of yours."
Bonnie let out a soft laugh but didn't say anything.
Damon walked over to the bed and sat next to her.
He looked down at her fidgeting feet and leaned his shoulder into hers for a moment, shoving her softly.
"You know, Stefan's usually the pensive brooder. I don't need another one of him in my life."
Bonnie smiled again, rolling her eyes as she met his.
"It's just..." She paused, looking down to her hands on her lap. "This...this is a lot. Everything that's happening now...and I guess...I'm just processing."
Damon nodded. "Yeah- end of world drama. Pretty intense." He finished his drink and put the glass on the table.
Bonne could feel herself fighting the words that threatened to come out.
don't go there Bonnie.
Just leave it alone.
But the words were like hot acid, begging to be released.
"I don't just mean that...i mean...us- this...whatever it is..."
Damon blinked a few times before he understood what she was saying.
"This." Damon said the word quietly, exhaling softly as he did.
"I just mean-" Bonnie began to backtrack, knowing she had said more than either of them was ready for. "Us being nice to each other, and not when we are forced to because we are literally the only two people on earth." Bonnie laughed, trying to sound casual. "Its hard to wrap my head around sometimes, that's all."
Damon's shoulders noticeably fell as he forced out a snicker. While he was glad that he didn't have to come up with a label for who they were to each other, part of him was disappointed that he wouldn't be hearing more about what Bonnie thought of their relationship.
"Yeah well- the world is ending you know. Us being friends sounds like a apocalyptic sign to me." His smile went to his eyes and Bonnie returned it.
Worried she would get lost in his eyes again, Bonnie turned away quickly and stood up.
"I'm going to get ready for bed. Long drive tomorrow."
Damon was startled by the abrupt transition but nodded. "Yeah- good thinking."
Bonnie pulled out her toothbrush from her toiletry bag and walked over to the sink. She turned on the water and began brushing her teeth, her eyes on her reflection.
Get it together Bonnie.
don't confuse friendship for something more.
This is Damon.
Damon.
She tried to convince herself that what she was feeling was a figment of her imagination, some kind of weird twist on stockholm syndrome. She went over all of the horrible things he had done since she had known him and tried to remind herself what he was capable of. But she just ended up shaking her head. She knew none of that mattered. He wasn't that man, not anymore. She saw his darkness, but wasn't afraid of it. Bonnie knew that Damon's darkness was still apart of him, but it wouldn't always. She knew that he would chose to walk in the light one day.
Damon approached Bonnie, scooting her over with his hips as he picked up her toothpaste and put some on his toothbrush.
"Seriously? You didn't bring your own?" Bonnie spoke through her toothbrush.
Damon shrugged. "I like yours better."
He began brushing his teeth.
"Then buy the same brand I do."
"Where's the fun in that?" He smiled wide as he continued to brush.
Bonnie rolled her eyes before spitting into the sink.
"You're so annoying."
Damon just raised his eyebrows and smiled again.
He spit out his toothpaste and grabbed his pajama pants and t-shirt and went into the bathroom to change.
Bonnie had put on a silk pajama set after her bath so she didn't need to change. She shut off most of the lights in the room, leaving the one over the sink on, and slipped into the bed farthest from the door.
The exhaustion from the last few days took over and Bonnie was asleep before Damon left the bathroom.
He turned out the last remaining light and walked over to the other bed, sliding under the covers. He looked over to Bonnie before laying down.
Damon could tell by the rhythm of her breathing that she was already asleep and found himself smiling.
"Night Bon Bon." He whispered to her, knowing she couldn't hear him.
Damon laid back in bed, putting his arm under his head.
His mind was racing and he couldn't imagine sleeping.
Of course, there was the problem with his missing mother. Despite Bonnie's optimism, Damon still worried that he would find his mother helping the Harbingers when the time came. He didn't want to believe it, but ultimately, its what he expected. He expected her to fail him. THere was a time when she was the only thing he was sure of, but now, she was just a memory. And this woman with them now, he wasn't sure who that was.
Damon rolled onto his side, his eyes finding Bonnie through the night.
This.
The way Bonnie had said it- it felt much more loaded. It seemed like she was feeling the same complex emotions that he was, and he wanted to talk about it. He wanted to know what she was feeling, about them. Damon felt guilty for not being honest with her, for not hugging her earlier when he wanted to. He has never shied away from being his true self when he was with her.
He doesn't feel the need to sugar coat or lie to her about things. If he wants to yell at her he does, if he wants to joke with her he does, and if he wants to hug her- he hugs her. But tonight, something stopped him.
What was it?
Damon was unwilling to really search that question. He was afraid to find the answer. He was afraid that the reason he didn't hug her tonight when he desperately wanted to, was because it would mean much more than a hug. His feelings behind the hug would be coming from a much different place than they had before.
Damon's thoughts were interrupted by Bonnie voice.
"Damon- no." Her voice was a whisper, it came out listless.
Talking in her sleep again.
Damon smiled.
She's dreaming about me.
Bonnie's body became restless, she thrashed in the bed. Damon could hear her heart beating quickly, pounding against the walls of her chest.
"Bonnie." Damon said loudly as he sat up in bed.
"Damon! Stop! No!" She yelled, her voice crying into the dark,
Without a second thought Damon jumped out of his bed and sat next to Bonnie, shaking her awake.
"Bonnie! Wake up!"
Bonnie's body fought against him until she pulled herself out of the dream.
Her eyes opened and she sat up. "Damon?" Her voice was quiet, tears were rolling down her face.
Damon wiped her tears with his thumb as his fingers stroked her hair. "Yeah-I'm here."
"Damon- It was awful- you-"
He cut her off. "Hey- its alright, whatever it was, it wasn't real."
Her face crumbled and Damon brought her into his arms. He ran his hand down the back of her head, comforting her as she cried softly.
She let him soothe her for a moment before pulling back.
"I-i'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
Damon let go of her, but kept his hand on her arm.
"I was up." He paused looking down at her and sighing. "Are you sure you're okay."
Bonnie half nodded then stopped. She looked up at him and shook her head no slowly.
Damon's lips pulled down into a sad frown but nodded at her.
He stood up and lifted her comforter. "Scooch."
She let out a soft laugh as she moved over.
Damon laid next to her, propping himself up on a pillow. He brought Bonnie into his arms, letting her rest her head on his chest.
He stroked her arm with his hand, coaxing her back into sleep.
Convincing her that everything would be okay.