A.N. "blah" is speech, blah is thoughts, ~blah~ is parseltongue

Okay, so this isn't technically part of the story itself, just something that popped into my head when I was thinking of the next chapters. And, no lie, I literally started crying when I was writing this. It's sort of like a small drabble of Grindelwald's thoughts. It does kinda-sorta-not-really pertain to the plot, so if you don't wanna read it it's fine, you can just wait until the next chapter comes out…which if you know me it's probably gonna be in a couple hours or tomorrow. Anyway, enjoy!

1.

When the migrating birds fly across the Alpsee Lake once again, I have long forgotten how long I have been here. Thirty years? Forty? Or maybe even longer.

But that's no longer important.

If I can't touch you, then even longer times mean nothing to me.

The more time passes, the more that you in my memories comes alive.

Al, are you missing me as I do you?

Never mind, I don't want to know the answer. If it's not what I want to hear, then it's best I don't know.

Oh, the sun is beginning to fall, the sunset yellow cascades across, so beautiful. Do you envy me having so much time to enjoy the sunset?

2.

My followers are still trying to persuade me into leaving Nurmengard. They are still too young, they don't understand that when I appeared at our duel alone, it meant that I was ready to give up on everything. No, maybe some of them understand, just not willing to believe.

They are not willing to believe, that the person who once said he was going to lead them in pursuit in the greater good, would give up everything for an old English fool, willing spend the rest of his days in his own prison.

But I did. For an old English fool. And I find it myself goddamn relishing in the fact.

3.

Maybe I foresaw this day even when I was at my peak. So, one day, when I came to Neuschwanstein, being attracted by the scenery, I thought that this would be a good place to live out my retirement.

So, Nurmengard was built. The day it was finished, I came to the, glancing out the specially designed gothic windows, just seeing the Alpsee Lake, Schwansee lake and the countering Neuschwanstein.

Great. I was satisfied.

Then, I went to attend the duel. A duel that I know the results to already.

4.

Even if I greedily engulf my eyes on your picture in the papers countless times, I still barely contain the excitement of seeing you in person.

You're not as young as when I left you. You were only eighteen then, the bright supple age. But now, half a century later. Both of us have changed.

But why, do your blue eyes still draw up memories from deep in my heart? Still forces me to remember the sweet and sorrowful past?

I should have realized. The sweeter it was, the more painful it is when it all ends.

You soul-piercing blue eyes looked at me calmly. But I know, you are so calm that you are about to break.

Right?

There's no reason that you would be calmer than me.

5.

I know, that you blame me for taking off without a goodbye. But, my dear Al, what do you want me to do?

When you Ariana fell, I knew, everything was over.

I know, clearly, that the killing curse came from me.

I escaped. I can't imagine what I would do if you stared at me with hatred in your eyes. Maybe kill you, then embrace you on your way to hell.

But I can't. Our path for "the greater good" has yet to begin, how can I die?

So, I escaped. Even if you blamed yourself, thinking that you might have killed Ariana, I wouldn't give you a chance for you to hate me.

It's my own selfishness.

So, I began on the path for us. It wasn't easy in the beginning. Who would believe someone who hasn't graduated, but was rather kicked out of school?

But it's alright. I'll prove it to them. Because you used to look at me with such determination, telling me that I was made for success.

So, no matter how hard, I will make what you said come to.

Then, I succeeded. My cause grew. I even had power in the muggle world. But, I didn't spread to England.

That's your country. I'm afraid of the day that we may face each other as enemies.

6.

But that day came, nonetheless.

When you casted a disarming charm at me, I didn't return.

When your eyes widened in surprise, I smiled. The elder wand, it's probably the last gift I can give to you.

Sorry, Al, I'm so selfish for making you bare the pain of both of us.

But, if the pain of sending me to imprisonment yourself will make you remember me forever, then let me be selfish once more.

Do you blame me?

7.

I'm willingly imprisoned by you in this space, almost forgetting that time passes. In the past decades, I'm been calmer than I have ever been. I don't need to think about the killings for the greater good, even if I was fervent once before.

I presume my days are nowhere as near interesting as yours, are they? In Nurmengard, all I can see is the never-changing scenery outside the window, even though beautiful. All I can hear is the same desperate same, even though cruel.

Your life must be so interesting, I think you're busy defeating the second Dark Lord? Oh, and training you savior. Having fun, I would say.

But, Al, are you still like before, sacrificing yourself for the greater picture?

I've known since before that we are two completely different people. For benefits, I will sacrifice my pawns, without sacrificing anything of my own (of course, you're an exception). But, Al, you're different. You're too kind. You give everyone around you a chance, and when it gets to the point where a decision must be made, you always hope to sacrifice yourself. When someone else must do it, you feel pain in your heart, but you conceal it away. Do you hate yourself that much? How am I supposed to be content, with you like this?

But, in my eyes, you're still the sweet eating innocent child. So, please. For once leave your responsibilities, and be selfish.

8.

One day, I was reading the poems you sent me and found these words:

He whom I enclose with my name is weeping in this dungeon. I am ever busy building this wall all around; and as this wall goes up into the sky day by day I lose sight of my true being in its dark shadow.

I take pride in this great wall, and I plaster it with dust and sand lest a least hole should be left in this name; and for all the care I take I lose sight of my true being.*

There are creases on the page, as if left from tears evaporating.

Oh, Al, so petty of you, how can you send me books you've already read?

Then why have me discover this?

Out of us, who imprisoned who?

Or did I imprison you, and you imprisoned me?

Or, both.

It's been too long, and these things are not worth discussing anymore. So, Al, don't cry.

9.

I've started reading those books that I have been interested in but never had the time for. Oh, and those muggle books that you send from time to time. But, why do you never send me a word?

Do you still hate me? But I don't hate you.

Are we still in love?

I don't know. All I know is, we were once in love.

Now, love, is something too luxurious for the two of us approaching the end.

Maybe our emotions are too deep to use such a superficial term to define. Over the span of a century, though we were only together for a few months, we know each other the best in this world, even now.

What we have between, may only truly be ended by death.

10.

I didn't notice that it was almost nightfall. It only took so long for me to think about you.

Yester, when I looked in the mirror, I'm old and crumbled. I laughed in self-mockery. I should have been with Merlin a long time ago.

Has it really been so long?

Many years ago, you asked me if I was afraid of death. I said no.

But now, I am. I'm afraid of dying alone in Nurmengard, without you.

I don't know if I can take it.

So, please, before I die. Let me see you once more.

The only time I'm begging for something in my life.

Perhaps, to Gellert Grindelwald and Albus Dumbledore, that summer when they were eighteen was the best dream of their lives.

*A.N. Taken from Tagore's Gitanjali, 29.