Nobody knows me, I'm cold, walk down this road all alone
It's no one's fault but my own. it's the path I've chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion whatsoever
Space Bound - Eminem
...
"How is she?"
Nate sighed, "I haven't seen her since last night, but Rufus told me that the doctor is positive."
Serena looked at him, concerned, "I thought you two were-"
"We aren't," He said bitterly, "Jenny doesn't need me."
"This isn't your fault.."
"Then why does it feel like it is?"
She hadn't seen him, or even tried to explain to him what had happened. She was with Dan now, even though Nate knew that.
"Because you're hurting," Serena sat next to him, "I know you Nate. After all that we have been through- I hope that you can still trust me.. I didn't mean to lie to you about Chuck and Jenny. I didn't want you to hear it from me.. that's why I didn't tell you."
"Serena," He was frustrated, "I don't want to talk about the past. Not right now.. I'm coping okay?"
She looks at Nate with sympathetic eyes, "I understand that, but you have to know that me and Dan did nothing while I was with you. I don't want you to feel like you were betrayed by everyone. We care about you, all of us and you can come to us if you want to talk."
"I really don't think now is the right time to talk about this."
"But Nate-"
"Look, I don't want to talk about this shit right now. What happened months ago has nothing to do with this day. I'm happy that these feelings that you have for Dan came up now, better now than later.."
Shaking her head, trying to clear her foggy head, Serena said nothing and clung on to Nate's arm.
"I never intended it to happen like this."
He pushed her hand away, "This all happened because we were lying to ourselves."
"I wasn't lying when we were together. I was never thinking about Dan when we were together."
"Oh come on, we were both pretending that nothing was wrong." He shakes his head, and let's out an exasperated sigh, "We were over before we even started. I'm not hung up on you anymore."
Serena sighs deeply and looks up into his eyes. His sincerity makes her heart sore, but she nods her head, wanting to make him feel better.
"What about you? I'm worried about you. You spent the whole night here, you need to go home."
"I honestly don't know what to think anymore.. You know, not that long ago, I had a home, and a girlfriend, and a best friend that I could trust… and now what do I have?"
"You have me, Dan, all your friends."
His eyes relay irritation and he closes his eyes to compose himself, more or less trying to keep his cool.
"I need to go." He gets up from the table and leaves Serena alone in the hospital cafeteria.
...
Jenny's eyes snap open, she was still in her hospital room.
She lies on her back and soaks everything in, everything looked so dark, foggy... her eyes, slowly blinking back to reality, or was it reality?
Suddenly she hears a baby crying in the background and sits up straight. She's on her feet then, walking out of her room into the hallway- She scans the hallway, searching aimlessly for the crying, that continues to sound out in the distance.
"Hello?" Jenny's voice echoes in the empty hallway.
Suddenly she stops and looks around herself, nobody was there.
She takes a deep yet confused breath, but before she can gather her thoughts she hears the baby crying again.
She whirls around, glancing behind her, but sees nothing.
"Hello?"
Silence. Frustrated, she begins charging through the hallway, more determination now than before.
She breaks into a run as the baby's cry grows louder, and becomes upset.
Frustrated and confused, Jenny runs in all different directions, the tears beginning to form as the crying goes louder and louder. She runs around blindly, sinking more and more into a confused state before she trips and falls onto her chest, arms outstretched. She cries out in shock, and lifts herself up slowly onto her knees. That's when she sees a woman holding a baby. She watches this in amazement, a feeling or protectiveness growing within her. She reaches out to touch the bundle, but the unknown woman backs down, hiding the baby.
"That's my baby," Jenny's voice trembles, "It's my baby!"
The woman turns her back on her, quickly walking away with the crying baby on her hands.
Without hesitation Jenny goes after her, "You can't take my baby! You can't-"
"Jenny?"
Again, lying in the same hospital room, her father by her side... he brushes a hand over her hair.
The voices mix around in the air, whispers floating around her mind.
"Are you okay?"
Jenny looks confused, feeling how her whole body was drenched with sweat.
"It was just.. a bad dream." She said in a small, hoarse voice.
She gazed up at him, the look of concern in his eyes was overwhelming, "You look so pale.. maybe I should I go and get the doctor."
"No, dad I'm fine." She whispered, a rising panic in her voice.
"Are you sure?" Rufus asked, in a gruff voice, unable to mask the concern.
She nodded slightly.
"The doctor told me that the test results should be soon processed."
He noticed Jenny stiffen at the mention of the baby, he nervously looked at her again, and almost wished he hadn't told her.
The look in her blue eyes was a mixture of deep sadness, regret and anger, she didn't look at him, but stared blankly at the wall.
"I just... I'm scared" Jenny sniffed, wiping the tear tracks from her soft cheeks, she paused, wondering whether or not tell him about Chuck. She dropped her head and nervously continued, "He doesn't want to give the baby away." her voice wavered as she held back more tears.
"What are you talking about Jenny?"
"Chuck," She looked at him, glassy eyed and whispered, "He doesn't want to give the baby up for adoption and I can't, I just can't keep it.. I can't even take care of it when it's still inside me. How am I supposed to do love a baby that I never wanted?"
Rufus stared at her, slowly processing what she'd just gabbled at him. He didn't know if she was going crazy or if it was just brought on from lack of sleep. He was completely speechless. He gazed at her sadly, and wondered why his daughter had to pay for her mistakes so highly.
He shook the thoughts from his head.
"You're exhausted Jenny. Everything will be clear when you get some sleep."
"No," Fear was evident in her eyes, "I need to stay awake."
"Jenny.."
"No," There was pain in her voice, "I need to make sure nothing bad happens."
...
Chuck walks around the room distracted, a perplexed look across his face as he agonizes over something in his mind. He sits on a chair and tries to to read some work papers, but finds himself continually looking over at the photo, the photo of his father. As he stares at the photo thinking, suddenly there is a heavy pounding on the door. Awakened from his thoughts, he sighs and pulls himself out of the chair, making his way over to the door. As he pulls it open, his eyes go wide with surprise.
"What are you doing here?"
Blair stands at his front door, her face a mixture of irritation and pure boredom at the insane question.
"Special delivery," She smirks and steps to the side and Chuck sees Nate, on the ground behind Blair. He was mumbling nonsense with a beer bottle on his hand, "Are you going to invite us in or not?"
Chuck looks at her as if she has gone mad and steps aside.
Blair drags Nate inside and lets him lean on to her.
"To what do I owe this pleasure?"
Blair, annoyed that she has to spell it out for him, "Nate. Drunk Nate."
He scoffs at Blair who glares back at him, clearly not in on the joke
"I found him on the street and brought him here, home."
"He doesn't live here anymore," Chuck explained, "He hasn't lived here since.. months ago."
She scowls and helps Nate on the sofa, "Well he can't sleep out on the streets Chuck."
"Fine," Chuck holds his hands up in the air defensively and drags Nate from the sofa to his room.
While he was helping his best friend, Blair's hands find aa interesting piece of paper that was resting on his coffee table.
Her eyes snap open as the read the paper, "That mother chucker!"
He sneaks behind her, "You called?"
"Are you serious about this?" She holds the legal document.
Chuck roughly grabs the paper from her hand, "You can leave now."
She was dumbfounded by the way he acted.. like he didn't care anymore.
If this was the same Chuck Bass she used to know, he would have done anything to keep her there.
"Whoa, now hold it just a minute there. You, Chuck Bass want to have the sole custody of your bastard child?" She sees his expression and looks over at him, waiting for him to speak.
He takes a little step back away from Blair's glowering stance to give himself a chance to respond.
"I don't owe you any explanations. Remember you didn't want to speak to me?"
She tilts her head, brushing off the subject of their relationship, "What about Nate? Call me crazy, but I don't think that he is going to like your idea when he is with the mother of this baby. "
"Nate isn't with Jenny anymore."
Blair looks at Chuck with concerned eyes, "What did you do?"
He lefts out a chuckle, "I'm clearly flattered, but this time it was Nate's decision."
"Have you no shame?" She spats.
"Huh?"
"You are going to destroy Nate's life if you keep that baby. He is going to wake up every day with the same pain that drove him into the bar in the first place."
A guilty look crosses Chuck's face, but Blair doesn't see it.
"It doesn't even have anything to do with Nate or Jenny." He snapped, clearly frustrated.
"Really? You think she is just going to hand over her baby when she knows that you should never be trusted. Is this one of your stupid games again? Chuck after everything you have done this is the lowest, the most idiotic plan ever." Her voice was harsh. She was surprised by its brittle tone, "I'm not coming back to you, no matter how hard you try."
Chuck laughed and shrugged again, his arrogance getting to the brunette, "You really think this about you?" He smiled cheekily, "Sure, I love you and still believe that eventually we will be together, but this has nothing to do with you. Not this time. No games."
Blair sighs in defeat and lowered her glance.
There was silence as they stared at each other.
"So you brought Nate here because you care about him?"
She rolls her eyes, "Yes. I care about him, but I brought him here because you broke him. It's your problem to fix him and be a good friend to him, not mine."
She promptly turns around and leaves.
...
Lily listens to monitors beep and Jenny's breathing as they clock ticks loudly on the wall. She sighs then, a deep sigh, and leans back into her chair while watching her sleep. Just then the door opens and Taylor walks in, tentatively closing the door behind her as she notices a sleeping Rufus and Eric in the corner.
"How is she?"
Startled Lily, looks at her, " We are still waiting for the results."
Taylor walks over to the other side of Jenny's bed and looks down at her.
"It's good that she is finally sleeping," She looks back at Lily and she looks up at her, despair etched across her face.
"Well, this has been extremely hard.. waiting for something that could change everything, is just horrible. Everyone is tired, Rufus doesn't even want to leave the hospital." Lily stares at her with sorrow, "Are you okay?"
"I can't help but to feel a bit guilty.. if I hadn't-"
"Don't say that," Lily smiles, but she looks pained, concerned, "Charles isn't the most gentle or understanding person on this planet.. but he doesn't do it on purpose. He just sometimes doesn't think about other people around him."
"I've heard a lot about him, but never expected him to be that cruel."
"Well Charles is.. one of a kind."
"It seems like that," Taylor rolled her eyes, "But now we have to focus on Jenny."
Lily gave a desperate smile, trying to hide how offended she was by her remark. Chuck was her son.
Both of their eyes suddenly turn to look at the door when it opens, and Doctor Karen walks inside.
Rufus moans aloud at the ache in his head, bringing his hand up to his forehead, he breathes in and out slowly as if to compose himself, after realizing the doctors presence.
They watch her with wide eyes as she makes her way over, and then smiles at them. Lily looks hopeful, but the suspense is too much for Rufus who implores the doctor for some answers.
"Jenny.." Rufus nudges the sleeping blonde.
She sets out a tired sigh, her body stiff and sore as she rolls over onto her back and rubs her groggy eye in circles, "Wha-Whats going on?"
Jenny notices Karen and registers her expression and looks straight at her, so she begins her line of inevitable questions.
"Did you get the results?"
She nods.
"Well doc?" Rufus prided.
Karen sighs, "Right now I can say that the danger is over. There are still problems with Jenny's blood and pressure levels. So if this happened again, it would be worse, but right now the baby is one hundred percent healthy and the risk of brain damage can be crossed out of the list."
Rufus lets out a triumphant 'yes', Lily smiles and hugs Jenny as the doctor smiles at them.
Tired Eric smiles to himself on the chair, and gives a tiny, silent fist pump in the air for victory.
"So I can go home?" Jenny gets excited.
"Tomorrow you can go home. We will keep you here over the night and still keep you attached to the heart monitor because of the baby. Only advice that I can give you is that.. you need to be very careful and try to relax, like I said next time you might not be as lucky."
Jenny gave a nod and smiled brightly.
"Thank you so much," Rufus shook Karen's hand.
She smiled back, "Don't thank me, thank the people who rushed her in here so fast."
Rufus nods at the doctor who makes her way out of the room.
After the hugs and smiles were exchanged, Jenny knew what she had to do.
"Could I have a moment with Taylor?" She looked seriously at Taylor then back at Rufus, Lily and Eric.
After her family stumbled out of the room, Jenny sat straight up, facing Taylor.
"Is something wrong?" Taylor raises an eyebrow.
Jenny's eyes cloud over in a little pain, but she nods to herself, ready to spill her heart out and say all the words she rehearsed time and time again.
"Actually is.. Chuck," Jenny shifts in her spot, urgency in her voice now, "He told me that he won't sign any adoption papers. At least not any time soon."
Taylor, her eyes filled with utter disbelief, "I'm sure he didn't mean it."
"He meant it. I know Chuck and when he decides something.. he isn't backing down."
"But you still want to give the baby away, right?" Her eyes well up in tears and a sob escapes her lips.
Sighing, Jenny looks up at, her eyes filled with a wild desperation.
"I-I guess I do."
"You guess you do?"
"No. I mean I do." Jenny shakes her head quickly, madly, trying to shake away the feeling of uncertainty. Taylor also shakes her head as a no, indicating to her that she doesn't want to fall apart by discussing her lost child and all the other times she had lost hope.
"Taylor, I promise you that I can make Chuck change his mind. I promise you that you will have this baby." She tries to convince her.
Taylor composed herself and looks at Jenny dead in the eye, the sadness still prevalent.
"I need to go." She turns and walks towards the door, leaving a distraught Jenny, disbelief rife in her eyes.
Just before she turns, Jenny calls out to her in one last effort,
"I want you to have this baby. I'm not this baby's mom, you are."
Taylor stops in his doorway, but doesn't look at her, "I'm sorry." She sniffles, before closing the door behind her.
I personally think this was one of my best/fave chapters :)
Nate is just really lost, and felt like the Nate-Serena conversation was needed. So.. Chuck wants sole custody.. eeek wtf I know.
Don't worry Taylor isn't going anywhere and Jenny is going to try to fight back of the subject of being a mom.
So much is going on that I get confused even myself.. lol
Sorry if this is moving too 'slowly' but I really want to make sure you guys understand the plot and that 9 months is a long time.
You gotta love Eric and his fist pump! yeah :D
Until next time
XoxoDesireh