AN:1 Yo, I know this chapter was a bit later than usual, but writing has been sloooow. Even the writing I do for work ... I'm not sure why, but I spent a lot of time just staring blankly at my computer screen and getting distracted by Funny Or Die videos and True Blood marathons. I don't know, this was a hard one to write for me. I was so excited about it and then ... it was. so. hard.
Anyway. I'm finally cool with it. As always, thanks so much for reading, and to my reviewers, y'all are amazing. You keep me going.
XXX
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After a quick shower, Darcy hurried to get ready in the bathroom while she left Loki outside to pick up the place. She'd suggested that he make the sheets look like they hadn't been the latest surface for Wrestlemania. He'd looked at her like she was crazy, as he wasn't the type to do things like make beds, having had servants for the first several hundred years of his life, but she wasn't about to leave things in such a state for the maids to see.
As she reached into her make-up bag for her eyeliner, she noticed her pack of daily pills that prevented any unwanted surprises or sudden life-altering situations, also known as babies. She felt a moment of panic when realization dawned on her that she'd just had sex with an alien. Like, from another planet.
A certain scene from Prometheus flashed in her head, and she all of a sudden became nauseated at the thought of cutting an alien-baby out of her own stomach. She really hoped it wouldn't come to that. In the movies, sex with aliens always ended badly … very very badly.
She nervously walked out of the bathroom and found Loki straightening up the bed. "Um … this is probably a really bad time to ask … but, these are still going to work, right? I mean … I'm not going to have a scary alien-baby clawing its way out of my stomach, am I?" She pointed to the pack of pills she was holding up.
He looked up from tucking a corner under the mattress. "That was certainly graphic."
"Haven't you ever seen Alien? Wait … sorry, of course you haven't seen Alien."
Loki sighed. "Are those pills formulated for your body? Your physiology?"
"Yes?"
"What I mean is … they prevent your body from conceiving … they're not supposed to work by killing my seed?"
Ha, she said to herself. He said "seed". She tried to hide a smirk. "Ah. Correct."
"Then there shouldn't be a problem. Your body will not all of a sudden work differently simply by being with an Asgardian." He hesitated slightly at the word "Asgardian", but he'd been saying it all his life. He wasn't sure he could ever bring himself to say "Jotun" … and if he was being honest, wasn't sure what he was or what he was supposed to call himself. "Monster" usually came to mind. Even Darcy thought that a child conceived of their union would result in a monster.
She saw that he suddenly looked hurt and realized what she'd done. "Loki," she said softly. "I didn't mean it like that … I was being dramatic." She walked over and sat on the bed, pulling him by the arm to sit beside her.
"I say the same kind of things about human babies. I actually call them "spawn" most of the time. Babies are scary. They scare me more than zombies, and I'm deathly afraid of zombies."
This confused him. "Why do babies scare you?"
"Because all of my friends who have babies have turned into zombies. Whatever. I'm just not ready for all that yet … and I don't think I'm a very maternal person … not sure I'd make a good mom." She looked down … Darcy was afraid that she'd end up being cold to her children, like her mother was.
"I don't believe that," Loki said as he touched his forehead to hers. She shrugged slightly.
"How do you do the whole birth-control thing on Asgard?" Darcy wanted to change the subject.
He let her. "There are a few ways. One is a draft that most people know how to make in their sleep by the time they reach a certain age. I always used magic, it was … quicker." He gave a bitter laugh. "Not that it matters now."
She thought to ask a few other questions that one should probably know before sleeping with someone. "So … do you have any kids or ex-wives? Child support? Baby-mama drama? Crazy ex-girlfriends? … ex-horses?"
Loki chuckled. "Please. Do not believe any of the myths surrounding my name on Midgard. I have no idea how some of those stories came about. It seemed as if they started out so innocently, and then after a few generations, the stories were completely out of hand."
"So … no kids?"
Loki shook his head. "No. I had a few pets over the years, and as for Sleipnir, I only trained him … he was born with a deformity and was going to be put down, but I insisted that he should live and not be destroyed because he was different … and he ended up being Odin's prized steed." He smiled at the memory of all the hours and days spent in the royal stables and out riding. He missed riding … he hadn't done it in years now.
Darcy thought about the S.H.I.E.L.D. file on Loki, and the myth vs. reality columns … but then there was another one that was just speculation, or unknown … like potential wives.
"Who is Sigyn?"
Loki smiled slightly, more memories. "She was a girl, long ago … when I was still very much a boy. Siggy. She was a friend."
Fuck, Darcy thought. She's real.
"Odin was teaching me a lesson for tricking humans … for using magic to, well … scare them. The villages we watched over then consisted of people who were perfect for testing out spells on. Body-doubles, triples, that sort of thing. A little transmutation here, a levitation spell there. I suppose it did cause quite a bit of a stir among them. The mortals accused each other of the black arts … it led to executions." Loki shook his head. "Humans will always try to destroy that which they do not understand."
Darcy shook her head in disbelief, the Vikings seemed like a brutal bunch, but damn. "Wow Loki, most childhood pranks only result in like, the family poodle turning purple … not public killings."
He shrugged. "It led to my very first banishment. For a week. Odin bound me to a tree that overlooked the village, but I was invisible to the people. I was only supposed to watch them, learn that they were weaker than us and should be taken care of, not played around with … but one girl could see me. Sigyn. She must have had the Sight."
"Dude. A human with powers? You must have been absolutely shocked," Darcy said sarcastically.
"Asgardians would lie with humans quite often back then … she was probably a product of one such encounter."
Darcy rolled her eyes. He could never give humans any credit … what he couldn't get through his thick skull was that many humans, whether they knew it or not, had access to magic. It just needed to be cultivated and honed.
Loki went on with his story, ignoring her eye-roll. "Siggy saw that I couldn't move and sympathized … so she started bringing water. She would keep me company. The villagers would see her holding up a bowl of water to the tree and they formed tales. The tales grew into myth, and over the years she somehow became my wife … though in reality, the girl was later married to an earl. We were never together like that. At the time … actually at no time, until now that is, have I had a relationship with a Midgardian.
She looked at him sideways. Whoa. He just said "relationship."
"No, I have no ex-wives or children. On Asgard, with how we perceive time, Thor and I are still considered young. I believe they were only just starting to urge my brother to take a wife … I had been mercifully left alone about the subject, except to tell me who I was not allowed to marry."
"Who were you not allowed to marry?"
"The lower-born. Any woman, in any realm, who wasn't nobility."
"Ugh. Classist bastards."
Loki smiled at her modern progressive sensibilities, he found it endearing and strangely refreshing. He decided to turn her questions around on her. "And you? No children? Ex-husbands? I've met an ex-lover … are there many others walking around your city?"
Darcy laughed and thought about the guy she lost her virginity to … he was still a bartender in the Quarter. And Mr. Bad Boy Rehab. He had apparently sobered up and now worked on the river with boats or something. "Maybe a couple, but no one you need to worry about … and definitely no kids."
"Do you want children?" Loki wondered why she said the word "kids" with such distaste.
"Ummm … maybe? Probably? At the moment, I still value sleep too much to have kids, I think. I honestly haven't given it a ton of thought … in my mind, it's something that I've always filed away in a folder entitled 'later'."
"That's most unusual."
Darcy's forehead wrinkled in question. "How is that unusual?"
"In my experience, children are usually something that a woman thinks about very much."
"Well … a lot has changed on Midgard in that respect, especially in the last fifty years. Women want their own lives and careers now. We're not just the caretakers of men and babies."
Loki raised his brows. "So I've noticed. I welcome this evolution. It makes for much more stimulating conversation to court a woman of intelligence and independence. Yes ... very stimulating, I've found." He reached for Darcy and drew her in for an embrace, nuzzling behind her ear.
She smiled slowly at his old-fashioned words. "Is that what we're doing? Courting? Shall I introduce you as my beau? As we drink mint juleps under a magnolia tree?"
"Mmmmm … you can call it what you like, but you are mine," he whispered into her ear.
"Say whaaaa?" she said playfully … she didn't normally like the idea of being thought of as someone's property, but the way he said it was pretty damn hot.
"You are claimed."
Darcy closed her eyes as he trailed kisses down her neck. "This better be some kind of Asgardian way of saying we're dating, because I'm not a possession."
"As I said … you can call it what you want." He then silenced any remark she could have said with a kiss, building up heat while his hands crept up her shirt.
She knew where this was headed, but they were supposed to be in the lobby downstairs meeting Jules.
Darcy broke the kiss with a smirk. "Oh my god, you're relentless! I already had to practically kick you out of the shower and lock the door. As of now, we're ten minutes late … keep that up and we're going to be hours late." Normally she would have said "fuck it" and enjoyed a steamy round of shower sex, but if there was one person you were not late to a meeting for, it was Miss Ramona.
"Oh, but that's my intention … let's not leave this room all day. Or rather, all week." He went back to giving her neck soft kisses.
"Do you want to find a way to get your powers back?"
Loki sighed and sat up straight. She said the magic words. "Very well. But we're coming back to this room immediately following this meeting, correct?" His eyes looked hopeful and hungry.
Darcy laughed softly. "Of course." She stood and pulled him up off the bed, ushering them out of the room so that there were no more chances to get distracted.
As they walked down the hall, she decided to offer a word of advice. "You should prepare yourself. Every time that Miss Ramona has given me a reading, my mind has been blown."
"I am sure I'll be fine."
"Don't underestimate her, Loki. You could very well be a puddle on her floor when she's through with you."
"Hn," he huffed. "I've never been reduced to such emotions in front of strangers."
Darcy shook her head as she pressed the elevator button to go down.
Loki was in for it.
~~*...*~~
After meeting Jules in the lobby, the three set off for her grandmother's, walking the few blocks it took to get to their destination. The two girls held hands as they took a stroll down the street. One of the great things about the city was that you could go car-less very easily, as so much was within walking or biking-distance.
Loki followed closely behind and wondered if the girls were communicating with each other, as it seemed like they were trying to keep their faces neutral, but every once in awhile, a crooked smile would emerge from their lips. He couldn't concentrate on it very long, however, as there were many distractions for someone who had never been to New Orleans. There were the eccentric street musicians and performers painted silver and gold … shops full of whimsical artwork and antiques … elaborate signs for strong drinks and local spicy food, which was quite exotic to an Asgardian. The cuisine on his home realm was never overly spicy. It seemed as if Midgardians would seek to eat something simply for the fact that it had the capacity to burn one's tastebuds off.
Darcy looked back to see Loki occupied by a band playing jazz music on a street corner. It was a familiar sight for her … boys in suspenders and fedoras, a guitar player, trumpet player, and an upright bass player, as if they stepped out of a time-machine from decades back. It was a common aesthetic for the city.
Jules gave Darcy's hand a squeeze. "So how was it?"
Darcy couldn't help but smile. "Is it written all over my face?"
"Y'all are lookin' at each other like one's the cheese to the other's macaroni."
"Stop making me laugh! He's gonna know we're talking."
"Hooker, you didn't answer my question, quit stallin'."
"Okay, okay … it was … there aren't really any words. I mean … I just … damn."
Jules bit her lip. "I'm tellin' ya … once you go god, you ain't never go back!"
"Have you been with anyone else since Eshu?"
Her friend shook her head with a dreamy look on her face. "Never had an inclination."
Darcy flared her eyes. "I mean, just the stamina alone. The man is insatiable. I don't know if it's the alien-god-thing or if it's because he hasn't gotten any in awhile … because you certainly don't invade a planet due to daddy issues if you're getting laid regularly. Dude definitely hasn't gotten all up in there in a good while."
Jules nodded slightly. "Obviously. Look at him … walkin' around so relaxed he looks stoned. Musta been seriously backed up."
Darcy pursed her lips to try and stop from laughing.
Jules continued. "And he got a look about him … like he all aristocratic n' shit out in public, but behind closed doors, he looks like he gets downright nasty."
A big grin stretched across Darcy's face, she couldn't help it. "Bitch. You're not wrong! Like, he'll go from being some otherworldly sex-gentlemen … he'll be all like, 'my lady … won't you come hither and ride my cock?' … and then he like, loses his shit and gets all Viking or something … seriously wild. It's unbelievably hot. Like H-A-W-T."
Her friend smiled and squeezed her hand. "Yep. God-sex. I'm glad you're happy, girl … you deserve it. I hope we can figure all this out."
Darcy squeezed back. "It's just so good to be back. I've missed you … and you look happy too. That makes me happy."
"Bitch, don't make me cry! Then he'll really know we talkin' bout somethin'."
"Alright, alright. We're here." Darcy said out loud.
Miss Ramona's small temple was located in the back of one of the family restaurants, hidden away on Dauphine Street in a converted 200-year-old creole townhouse. Darcy and Jules led Loki through a bustling dining room, the sounds of knives and forks on plates, brunch conversation silencing as they walked further back, through a small kitchen, the staff greeting the two girls as a door opened into a brick courtyard.
Loki noted that the place was very maze-like, labyrinthine … like back on Asgard. There were always secret gardens round the corner, like the New Orleans courtyards. Just when you didn't think a building could be anymore beautiful, you find a door, and you're led out to an oasis with lush plant-life and seating for lounging, relaxing … reading, looking at the stars.
"I'll wait out here for you. Scott is meeting me … you two go inside. She's expecting you." Jules sat down on what looked to be the most comfortable patio furniture ever made, with luxurious cushions made of silks and satins in vibrant colors.
Across the courtyard was an open door with a black and gold curtain blowing in the slight breeze, beckoning them to come in. Darcy stepped through first, seeing the familiar set-up. In the middle of the room was a small and cozy table and chairs where Miss Ramona did readings, and in the four corners were various altars, with not a single inch of free space … tokens and knick-knacks everywhere. Statues, dolls, offerings, flowers, and candles … so many candles.
Miss Ramona was already sitting at her table waiting for them, and as she stood, Darcy ran to embrace her. Loki was instantly taken aback by the woman. She was gorgeous, her skin not looking a day past 40, and yet she was a grandmother to Jules, a grown woman. She wore a long, yet light golden skirt, and a black t-shirt with a dark-yellow fleur-de-lis. On her arms were beautifully crafted gold bracelets, and in her ears were big gold hoops. The only thing that could have possibly led one to believe she was a grandmother, was the gray in her waist-length braids, only slightly more prevalent than Nella's.
As the woman hugged Loki's new lover, she looked straight at him over Darcy's shoulder, with eyes that reminded him of Heimdall's. Eyes that saw everything … yet there was a gentleness in this woman's face that wasn't present in the guardian's aloof stare … no, this woman was deeply kind, though you didn't want to mess with her. Loki figured that if provoked, Miss Ramona would strike like a viper.
She held Darcy back to look at her. "Look at this woman before me," she said with a voice smooth as sweet cream. "So beautiful … and you've grown confident. Coming into your own."
Darcy beamed and hugged her again, clearly much more comfortable with this woman than she was with her own mother. "I've missed you so much. All you have to do is say three words and I feel better about anything."
"I just tell it how I see it, baby girl." She looked over to Loki … "and who is this tall, dark, and handsome man?"
Darcy stood back and smiled at her … Ramona knew full well who Mr. Tall-Dark-Handsome was, she just didn't want Loki to know the lengths of the discussions that Darcy and Jules had been having about him. She didn't want him to be uncomfortable.
"This is Loki of Asgard, Miss Ramona. Aesir, son of Odin." Loki stiffened at the mention of Odin's name, but he appreciated the formal introduction.
"Loki, this is Ramona Jupiter, voodoo priestess and queen."
The priestess stepped over to Loki, took his hands and looked into his eyes. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Loki."
Loki couldn't help but to smile at the warm greeting. It was so unlike the formalities and detached pleasantries from back home. "And you as well."
Miss Ramona gave him a small hug and then stepped back, taking him in like she'd done with Darcy. Loki was beginning to get used to all the hugs and kisses of southern greetings, but it was still strange for him to be touched in such a way … as if he were in a city full of people who were all friends, and strangers were just friends they hadn't met yet.
"Son of Odin." She arched a cynical eyebrow at the word "Odin" as if she knew him and shook her head. "Son of Frigga, more like."
Loki inclined his head, shocked that she knew these names. "Pardon me?"
Ramona didn't speak for a few seconds as if she was listening to something off into the distance. "Please, let's sit … and we'll see what we can do for you." She motioned to the table and chairs.
As soon as they sat down, Miss Ramona reached across the table and put Darcy's hand in Loki's, holding them both. "Darcy, I want you to feel something."
Darcy began to shake her head, knowing what she was about to do, fear prickling at her neck ... but Ramona spoke up, "I'll help you. Now, close your eyes."
Darcy took a few deep breaths and did as she was told, as you just didn't refuse the priestess—ever—but she was extremely uncomfortable. Searching Loki's aura and spirit seemed way too intimate for her at the moment. Things were going too fast. "I don't know if I can do this."
"I'll be here to guide you through it, honey, now open your mind … let the light in."
Darcy nodded and visualized the doors in her mind opening, blue and white light expanding from around her throat, and almost instantly she was bombarded with what sounded like a stadium of chattering people … it always overwhelmed her. She felt the horrible sensation of vertigo that always came with channeling.
"Now focus, focus on Loki … focus on who is close to him."
Darcy fought through the headache forming, from the sound of the crowd, and thought only of Loki. In order to ground herself, she thought of his blue-green eyes and his large hands around hers … and all the voices suddenly started to quiet and fade away. It was like unfocusing your eyes for one of those 3D eye-puzzles, so that you could see the hidden images … but instead she unfocused and refocused her mind and energy, to peer into the non-physical.
"Okay. I'm there."
"Do you see?"
Loki was wondering what it was that Miss Ramona was giving Darcy access to, and was suddenly a little uncomfortable. He wasn't sure how powerful this woman was, being a Midgardian … and he also didn't think that Darcy could manage communication with souls who had traveled beyond the nine realms, but just in case … there were plenty of things that he'd rather she not know. Such as the details of his Jotun form. He didn't want her to run from him.
Darcy suddenly opened her eyes and smiled. "I do! I see!"
Miss Ramona grinned knowingly. "Tell him what you saw."
"I'm not sure if I can explain it right."
"Don't doubt yourself, baby girl. What did you see?"
She looked at Loki, uncomfortable with talking about such personal things with him. They had talked about deep stuff before, but this was a whole new level of deep for them.
"Frigga." Darcy said. "You are her son."
"What?" he whispered. A moment of pain and confusion flashed across his face before he squashed it down behind a mask. He would not show such emotions in front of someone he just met, friend to Darcy or no. "I do not understand."
Darcy looked down, unsure of how to proceed. "How can I explain … I'm not saying that she's your birth-mother … but your magic … it's actually her magic. Frigga's magic. She gave it to you when you were little, so you have a part of her inside you, connecting you. It's like magical DNA. It's as much a part of you as your other genetic make-up … magic of the heart. Frigga's magic was heart magic too … green. And it looks like over the years, her magic … your magic, made you kind of evolve, or adapt to your surroundings. You are both Jotun and Asgardian." Darcy looked up and to the right, like she was noticing something. "And shit … Vanir? Frigga was from Vanaheim. You have equal parts Jotun, Asgardian, and Vanir in there."
Darcy began to see why certain things were kept from him … if he were to hone all of his abilities, including the ones unknown to him and lying dormant, he'd be extremely powerful. Even more powerful than he was at the height of his madness when he possessed the tesseract. It would be the type of power that even Odin might fear … the type of power that might need to stay out of the hands of someone entitled "The God of Mischief and Lies." Shit.
Darcy looked off into the distance like Miss Ramona had, obviously focused on something that others could not see. She decided not to go into the particular details she'd just discovered, but gave him the message that was to be related to him.
"She is your mother. She gave you her magic ... even though she could only share it once without becoming permanently weakened. And even after sharing it with you, it was a few years until she was at full strength again. But she didn't care. She gave it to you. She ... loved you."
Darcy looked Loki in the eye, tears glistening but not falling over. "She says to tell you that she forgave you, as soon as you said it."
With these revelations, Loki could not keep up the mask, and had begun to breath heavily. He was so overwhelmed that he sat expressionless, unblinking… for if he moved a hair of an inch, he would be reduced to weeping, like a child.
He remembered the last thing he said to Frigga.
Am I not your mother?
You're not.
He managed to whisper softly, "you can communicate with my mother?"
Darcy let go of Loki's and Miss Ramona's hands, suddenly feeling very awkward. "Only with focus. And with help." She looked down. "I usually can't get past all the voices and it gives me a migraine."
Loki leaned in towards her, a tear finally escaping down his cheek. "Was that all she said?"
Miss Ramona spoke up, trying to bring the focus off of Darcy, who had come so far, but was now obviously uncomfortable. She didn't want to push her boundaries only for her to retreat. "Loki, your mother protects you."
He looked over to the priestess. "She ... protects me?"
She gave him a warm smile. "Even past the crossroads, she is still very powerful. She was a magnificent priestess, or however you describe one such as herself in your world. She was, and is still, quite extraordinary … she shielded you from death, through your connected magic."
Miss Ramona took one of his hands, he needed to be told. "She shielded you from Death. It is why the one who seeks you cannot find you."
Loki was almost relieved that he had something else to focus on, even though it sounded like seriously bad news. At least he could perhaps stop the tears. "Someone is seeking me?"
"The one who courts Death. Mistress Death. She could not find you when all others believed you to be dead, when you yourself believed you were dying. Your mother's protection through your interconnected magic, hides you from Death. And he cannot call to you personally, as your magic is hidden away. He cannot find you on his own."
Loki nodded slowly and closed his eyes. "He?"
"You know who he is."
"Thanos," he said softly.
Miss Ramona leaned back in her chair. "Loki. He calls to those who turn to darkness, to the dark energies of the universe … to search for you. If one of these people who have succumbed to his call finds you, he will know."
Loki all of a sudden found his voice again, tinged with anger. "Why does he wait until now? I was rotting in a prison cell on Asgard … I half expected it to be him that stormed the palace that day, not the Dark Elves."
Miss Ramona looked up and to the right, like Darcy had … listening or focusing on something not in the physical world. "He had been gathering strength while letting you begin to believe you might be off the hook. An invasion of Asgard would have been costly, but he planned on it, as he searched for a stone that would have made the job much easier. He rejoiced in the fact that someone beat him to it, that someone had so successfully invaded, as Asgard wasn't used to suffering such losses. He briefly thought you already dead, but soon realized you were not … then found that he had no idea where you were. His plans, in the end, were thwarted."
Loki was floored that he was being schooled in the workings of Thanos by a human, a mortal. "How do you know of this? How do you know of his call?"
Ramona held his eyes. "In voodoo, we honor both the light and the dark … we respect the dark, we acknowledge it, we revel in its pleasures at times ... but we do not overindulge, and we do not succumb to its evils. Most of us can hear him, but we do not respond. I cannot go into much more detail than that without answering the call, but I can tell you that it grows weaker."
"He grows weak?"
"Yes. He searches for you throughout the universe … he's using up much of his life-force in doing it. He can't sustain it for forever, without the energy-sources he covets. He'll have to rest soon."
Darcy, who had been totally silent throughout this revelatory exchange, thought of something. "So not having your magic has kind of saved you, Loki! Are you sure you want it back? I mean … right now?"
He dismissed her idea with a wave. "I can do a simple masking spell … if I can mask myself from Heimdall, I can mask myself from Thanos."
Miss Ramona had news for him. "Yes, but a masking spell from Thanos would wear you down … much like his spell wears him down."
"Dude must really want to find you, Loki." Darcy said. "Seriously, why is he so obsessed with you?"
"I failed," he said softly. "Failure was not an option." The Other had warned him … there would be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he could hide. The one solace he had, was that he was no longer connected to him through the gem in the scepter. The creature could no longer invade his mind. It had ended up being a blessing that he'd lost it.
Loki's usual perfect posture had slacked. He looked as if he had the weight of the world … the universe, on his shoulders.
It broke Darcy's heart that he looked so sad, when he had been so happy when they left the hotel. "Can you help him figure out how to get his powers back?"
The priestess nodded. "Let's have a look-see."
Miss Ramona took both of Loki's hands into hers, closed her eyes, and began to chant under her breath.
Loki tried to relax and let her do her work, but he looked down, and all of a sudden his hands were blue, raised lines, the sigils on his arms … his Jotun skin.
He stood up so fast that the chair he was sitting in was kicked backwards and onto its side. "UNHAND ME!" he bellowed.
Darcy watched as Loki's skin gradually went from being a dark greyish blue, to his normal pale coloring. His features had all looked the same, just … blue. With slightly raised tattoos. Like, some kind of tribal tattoos, but not the cheesy kind that bros got on Earth. These tattoos were actually kinda hot. The red eyes … were different, but not terrible. She'd seen contact lenses that were much freakier.
Loki was huddling in the corner, breathing heavily in anger, his hands balled into fists.
Miss Ramona slowly stood. "Child," she said, softly.
"I AM NOT A CHILD! How dare you call me such," he seethed. "I've lived for centuries, while mortals are born and then die in a heartbeat!"
The priestess tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes, her deep brown irises growing brighter, glowing gold. "I'm a lot older than you think, boy. Do not come to this Earth and presume to know everything about us by only giving us passing glances through arrogant eyes. Real power here does not flaunt itself, it doesn't need to .. and it does not care if you think it beneath you. It simply is what it is. The Earth's magic flows deep for those who are open to it. And one of its strengths is that your people, and others throughout the universe, underestimate it. You think us feeble, and yet … we always come out on top. Why is that, do you think?"
Oh shit, Darcy thought … Miss Ramona is giving Loki the business! She was caught between wanting to stand up, fist bump, and yell "oh, snap!" ... and wanting to run over to embrace him, letting him know that everything was okay.
Loki could feel the priestess' magic, her energy, emanating from around her. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt. It prickled against his skin, like electricity … yet also brushed against him like silk. This woman had considerable power. It was a power that felt like the wilderness, the warmth of the sun, the touch of the wind, and yet it was healing, as it was also compassionate and loving. He looked on in shocked wonder ... but she was a Midgardian.
Ramona slowly walked over to him, putting a hand on his cheek to calm him. She met his eyes. "I am sorry … I had to search deep within you to find the spell that masks your magic. I did not mean to anger you."
Loki shut his eyes tight. "I didn't want you to see … I never wanted her … to see …" He couldn't look at Darcy … couldn't bear to see the look of disgust that he knew must be on her face.
Miss Ramona gently took his face into her hands, showing him that she did not find him to be the monster he thought he was. "Loki, you are a foolish boy if you think I care about the color of someone's skin."
"It's the skin of someone who haunts a child's nightmare," he whispered. His nightmares.
"Only if you make it so," she said. "Tell me, was it the Asgardian that terrorized New York? Or was it a Jotun ... what color is the man those children would have nightmares about?"
Loki opened his eyes to her as she spoke, the tension in his muscles relaxing, as if they were being calmed by her magic.
Miss Ramona's eyes had gone back to their normal warm deep brown. "None of us are going to judge you because of what makes you different, because of this color of blue that you can turn. Most of us here are close because we honor and celebrate each other's differences. Some of us have fought hard to overcome the prejudices surrounding the color of our skin, and we still fight. We still fight. It would be a great sin to recoil from you, or judge you because of yours. I do not think you are a monster. Neither does Darcy. Honey, we fly our freak flags high around here."
"She's right," Darcy spoke up. "I don't think you're a monster. Quite the opposite, actually. And I've seen stranger …"
Loki's brow furrowed and he inclined his head. "You've seen stranger. Here. On Midgard." He didn't believe her.
"Loki. I'm from New Orleans … I've been to twenty-plus Mardi Gras, Halloweens, and more voodoo ceremonies than I can count. I've seen people in every color, shape, and form."
"You haven't seen a Frost Giant." He was still visibly shaken up.
Darcy tried to give him a reassuring look. "Babe, the term 'Frost Giant' just doesn't have the same meaning here on Earth that it does on Asgard. Like, we don't care. And we're not the type of people that would care even if we were Asgardian."
She decided to continue with humor, as it tended to calm him down. "Now, if you looked like one of those creatures from the Alien movies or Independence Day, then it would be different. But you don't have a weird elongated head and you're not slimy or have tentacles … so we're good."
Loki relaxed slightly, but was still upset. "I never wanted you to see my true form."
Ramona took his hands and gave squeeze. "What you identify with is your true form. If you identify with your Asgardian form, then that is your true self."
She led him back to the table, picked up his chair for him and he sat back down … as though he was in a daze.
As the priestess sat, she said, "I think you'll find that whatever form you choose to take, as long as you are being true to yourself … we won't give a damn if you're white, blue, or pink with rainbow sprinkles on top."
Darcy reached over and grabbed Loki's hand. "It's true."
As she touched his fingers, she could hear the voice that Miss Ramona had helped her to channel … his mother's voice. Her channel was still open, or Frigga had kept it open somehow.
"She wants to show me something."
"My mother?" Loki whispered.
Darcy nodded. "She says it feels good to hear you call her that."
Loki didn't know what to say. He couldn't believe that the woman he'd spent all night and morning in bed with, awakening pleasures that were rarely felt on this realm or any other for that matter … the woman who had most undoubtedly captured his heart, could communicate with his mother. With Frigga. He had wished countless times that Darcy could have met her.
He had silently cursed Thor for the fact that Jane had at least met their mother, that Frigga had at least known who his brother's great Midgardian love was. She had known that Thor was loved genuinely, and not by someone after a crown. Loki wished his mother had seen that someone could love him like that as well.
And yet, here she was … communicating with Frigga. But Loki wasn't sure about this … his mother was tricky in life and she was probably still tricky in death. It's where he'd learned it from. She was gifted with the Sight, and could see possibilities … but she would never reveal the future. Many times, she would only show a truth bits at a time … to teach lessons. It had been infuriating while growing up.
Miss Ramona spoke up, taking hold of Darcy's hand. "If you let her see this message … then Darcy will do the same for you."
Darcy did a double-take. "Wait … what?"
Oh, hell no. He's not taking a first-class ride through the Harry Potter pensieve that is my mind and memories. My life. I don't care how many orgasms he gave me in a 24-hour period, Darcy thought.
The priestess heard her due to their hands touching. The corner of her mouth twitched into a slight smile. "It is being requested of you."
"By who?"
"Evelyn."
Darcy narrowed her eyes. "Hn."
"Who is Evelyn?" Loki had never heard the name.
Miss Ramona explained. "She is Darcy's grandmother and was a dear friend to me for many many years. She was also a priestess, and passed beyond the crossroads a few years ago."
Darcy had never mentioned the woman's death, only a story here and a remark there. Loki figured she still lived. "I didn't know she was dead. I am sorry."
"Yep," Darcy said with no feeling. She looked to Miss Ramona. "Is Gran and Loki's mom conspiring together on the other side or something? Because that's what it seems like. Sounds exactly like the kinda thing Gran would do. Loki, is your mom a conspirator?"
He thought for a few seconds. "You could say that." He gave a slight grin, remembering her.
The priestess continued, "it's not a conspiracy, I promise you. They just want to introduce themselves to their dear one's new …."
"JuJu, don't you dare say 'love'!" Darcy squeezed Ramona's fingers.
" … ah, special friend."
Miss Ramona squeezed back. "That sounded flat-out ridiculous, Darcy. You need to come to terms with love. Love love love love love!"
"Fine," Darcy said to placate her mentor. She didn't actually think that Loki would ever go along with it. He seemed about as eager to open up his mind as she was.
"I'll do it if he agrees … but if you don't want to Loki, I'm totally cool with that. Like, totally and absolutely cool." Darcy figured that he would decline immediately.
"I'll do it," he said.
Fucking fuck-nuts!
"It'll be okay, Darcy … we'll stop if things get too intense, just give me the signal," Miss Ramona said.
Darcy nodded and held out her hands. She put one in Loki's, the other in Ramona's, and looked at her "special friend". "Are you sure you want to do this?"
He nodded. "If this is the only chance you have to meet her, I don't want to let it pass," he said.
She suddenly felt bad. He wanted her to meet his mom. That was valid … though she doubted she'd be taking Loki over to the Garden District to meet her father anytime soon. It would be nice for him to meet her grandmother though … she hadn't thought of it that way.
"Okay," Darcy sighed. "Let's do this."
"I'm going to help you channel, okay baby girl?" Ramona said assuredly, then turned to Loki, "and I won't listen in, okay?
They both nodded.
Darcy shut her eyes and gave their hands a squeeze, focusing. She concentrated on Loki's green energy, Frigga's green energy.
Through the darkness, a seashore began to emerge, and from far away, she heard the sound of waves crashing. It was nighttime here … or rather, it was a place that always overlooked the stars. There was an ethereal blue light that shined softly on a beach, on trees swaying in the distance.
Darcy looked down and saw that she had feet. Little by little she became grounded in the in-between. She began to walk along the beach, feeling the wind, everything becoming clearer. Soon there was someone there with her. She took Darcy's hand.
She was beautiful. Loki's mom. She had long blonde waves flowing down her back and wore a golden dress, like something you'd imagine Helen of Troy must have worn.
Her green eyes glowed as she smiled, emanating warmth and love. "I can't tell you how happy I am that you crossed paths with my son, with both of my sons."
Darcy returned the smile, though feeling incredibly nervous. You could tell from the sparkle in her eyes ... this woman knew things. "I'm happy too."
They walked along the shore. "I was afraid that I'd left them too soon, but I knew it was the only way."
"You saw your death?" Had she known what was to happen?
"I knew it was a possibility. Just like your death was a possibility, years ago. And Loki would have never known you."
"The car accident."
Frigga nodded.
"I used to wish that I would have went that night … so I could be hanging out in beautiful places like this with Ivy for the rest of eternity."
Frigga clasped Darcy's hand. "But you have such a lust for life, dearest. It's one of your greatest gifts."
She nodded. "I know. It's not like that now, just at the time … I didn't feel like there was much of a point to anything. Dying didn't seem so bad."
"Not yet … not yet. You still have much to do."
"Does this have to do with Loki? Because we're just beginning whatever it is we're beginning. I'm not even sure what we are yet."
Frigga looked over at her in understanding. "You are afraid to love him."
Darcy looked out at the glowing stars in the sky, sparkling down on the water. "Yes. Can you blame me? He tried to break our world. I know there were certain circumstances surrounding that ... but there will always be circumstances, some kind of shit going down. If there's one thing that life's taught me, it's that there's always something going on. The question is, how do you handle it when things go banana balls? Can he cope if things get tough for him again? Will he turn on me, like he turned on you guys? I don't think I could ... endure that." It was weird saying this to his mom, but she felt like she could tell the truth here.
"He's always needed someone to make him feel a little less alone in the world. Someone on his side. I tried my best, but it's not the same. Perhaps if you knew him from long ago. Perhaps if you understood."
"Can anyone ever understand Loki?
"Perhaps not. But I believe that you can come close." Frigga smiled and reached over to brush a strand of hair from Darcy's eyes. "It's okay, you know."
Darcy frowned … she'd heard that so many times it seemed, and yet never got an answer. Deja vu. "What's okay?"
Frigga smiled gently. "It's okay to love him."
She closed her eyes. It's okay to love him. Was that the answer to the riddle? … to love him? The universe was literally conspiring against her.
Oh, hell ... if you can't beat em, join em, she thought.
Frigga took both of Darcy's hands and they stood in the sand, the water's gentle waves moving around their feet. She opened herself to what Loki's mother wanted to show her.
She saw the cutest little boy, very young … about three or so, sitting in his mother's lap. Her smile was so big. She truly thought of him as her son. She dreamed of the man he'd become one day, wondering what gifts he'd discover, what passions lie within. All mothers have high hopes for their children.
Then the boy was a bit older, chasing after his bigger brother … running down palace halls and knocking things over, their mother laughing and shaking her head, loving the special time when her children were young and she was their world. Their father was their world. They were a family.
And there was Odin, who Frigga loved and cared for deeply ... and though she didn't always agree with his tactics, she maintained that there was a reason behind everything he did ... but there were times that it backfired.
Her husband would take the boys on daily walks, giving much more attention to his sons than royalty usually did, telling them the old tales, showing them the old relics … and saying to them often, "only one of you will ascend to the throne, but you were both born to be kings."
Darcy could see images of the brothers being tutored, surrounded by books … and learning the art of weaponry, sparring with each other. As the boys grew older, Thor developed the skills of becoming a true warrior, while Loki excelled at his studies. Both were noble pursuits, but in the eyes of Asgardians, strength was prized above all else. Both boys were great in battle, and both had a quick wit, but Thor was greater in battle and Loki had a quicker wit.
As years went by, they remained close, but Loki chose not to run after Thor quite so much. He was teased for his magic and tricks, his friends automatically distrusting him for pursuing a feminine skill … even though Sif was revered for fighting alongside men in battle, and not with the line of shieldmaidens.
Darcy saw that Sif eventually found her blonde hair turned permanently black one day, after implying that magic was for the weak. It had been an insult meant for Loki, but his mother was also a great practitioner of magic, and she was anything but weak.
Sif never said anything of magic again, but also never liked Loki after that … always suspicious, always having stars in her eyes for only Thor.
There was an endless sea of women who had stars in their eyes for Thor. The golden boy. The first-born. Heir to the throne. Feasts and festivals became a chore for Loki, as most of the girls he'd talk to would always look over to where Thor was sitting. Women would flirt with him just to get to the royal table in the great hall, so they could then wander off to talk with his brother, or perhaps Fandral. It got to the point where Loki would retire early from gatherings and just retreat to the library.
He would talk to librarians, scholars, healers … anyone who had any sort of knowledge or expertise in their field, to learn any new thing that he could get his hands on. These were happy times, though they would not last.
Loki found love's first beckoning call in a rather fetching and learned young librarian, but could never officially pursue her due to her station. As second son, he would be expected to marry a woman of status outside the realm, to preserve good relations between the worlds. The only position she could ever be offered by him was as a royal mistress, and he refused to let her be known as such a thing. It also ended up being another subject for Thor to tease him about … dallying around with a librarian … how typically precious of him. Darcy could see how losing this love would begin to harden him. He learned that he was not allowed to fall in love, on top of everything else.
Loki became secretive. Withdrawn. Cynical. He would open up now and then with his mother, or when he and Thor were alone … drinking, hunting, sparring … but around other people, he cultivated a firm mask. His tricks began to reflect his bitterness and the kindness and open curiosity he had as a boy, grew into anger and resentment, and a love of toying with others. Scheming in the name of mischief. Instead of spending time with girls he had things in common with, as he had before, he'd pursue married women who were unsatisfied with their husbands, so as to ensure their discretion and secrecy, thus avoiding being taunted for bedding the low-born.
After Thor's failed coronation, and his plans for the destruction of Jotunheim blew up in his face … Loki learned of his true heritage. Darcy knew this story, but she didn't realize how devastating it was for him. Somewhere deep down, he'd known that he was different … and Frigga rued the day Odin had convinced her to keep it a secret from him, so that he would feel the same as Thor … but he never did. And it was worse to lie to Loki. It was the ultimate insult to his intelligence. He felt totally betrayed. His life was a lie.
Loki learned that Laufey was his father. To an Asgardian, it was like learning that someone like Hitler was your father … he was Luke to the Jotun king's Darth Vader, but without the possibility of Laufey turning to the light side at the last minute. Laufey was truly a monster. The monster of all monsters had left him in the cold to die as a baby. Too small. Not good enough. Never good enough. Not even for a monster.
Loki wanted to destroy all of it. Destroy that part of himself. If Frost Giants no longer existed, he would no longer be a Frost Giant.
And Earth …
Thor had wanted to destroy Jotunheim as well, but was exiled to Earth. Precious Earth.
Earth had changed Thor in a damn weekend. It chewed Loki's brother up and spit out a new Thor. He'd learned humility, he'd learned of friendship, love, and trust … of appreciation. Of sacrifice. He saw that humans lived their lives with passion and humor … that they found pleasure in such simple things, like looking at the stars. Drinking coffee in a diner. Finding pride in their work.
And Loki wanted the Earth to burn for it. For making his brother a better man … so that yet again, Thor was the golden boy. First wanting to destroy a whole world … and then he saved it. He saved it.
Loki could have done it. For all of them.
No Loki.
He had to let go. Death would be better than enduring a moment longer in the company of Odin and Thor. The perfect father and son. Both looking at him like he was a lost child. Like he was mad. Like a poor unwanted boy.
He let go.
And he fell … not knowing what would happen to him.
He fell for what seemed like forever, a weightless living hell, until he fell into madness … crashed right into it. He became a shadow, more wraith than man, and his captors put the pieces back together, exploiting his darkest desires, invading his mind, his soul ...
He should have been able to resist, but he couldn't.
He let go.
Loki never expressed remorse for Earth. Not even after Thanos' thrall had faded from his mind, and his true emotions were slowly switched back on … he would never admit to being wrong. Thor had done things just as bad … Odin had killed a hundred times more people. What was all the fuss about?
Hello, Mother. Have I made you proud?
Frigga didn't want to see him locked up, but his anger was still dangerous.
Am I not your mother?
You're not.
Loki … always so perceptive about everyone but yourself.
It was the last thing they said to each other.
Loki learned of his mother's death after her funeral … from a guard. No Thor, no Odin, no one who used to call him a friend.
A guard had told him of his mother's death. He was not allowed to say goodbye. To watch her last journey and ascension into the stars.
Darcy saw an image of him in his cell, enduring his mother's death … trapped in a cage, alone. No one to turn to for any kind of comfort or distraction from his thoughts.
It was then that he began to feel remorse, his relentless thoughts bringing him back to the edge of madness.
Am I not your mother?
You're not.
You might want to take the stairs to the left …
Oh … he began to feel remorse … and once he felt remorse for one thing, he knew it would lead to all the other things.
Loki destroyed everything in his cell. Everything. A distraction from feeling alone … the last person in the universe who loved him … gone.
He wasn't there to save her. He was rotting in a cell.
You might want to take the stairs to the left.
It played over and over in his head. What his anger had told the monster that day.
You might want to take the stairs to the left.
He hadn't been there to save her.
He wondered ... why would his mother sacrifice herself for Thor's woman? For a mortal, a Midgardian. Essentially, for Thor. For Thor's love.
He wondered if she would have done the same for him. Would she have protected the woman he loved? Or would she have let her die … figuring Loki wasn't worth the risk. He hated thinking this way, especially about his mother … but he was just so used to it.
And oh, how he hated Jane Foster, meddling Midgardian idiot that she was … but he would not let her die and render his mother's death meaningless. It would not stop him, however, from telling his brother … say goodbye, her life is a heartbeat. You'll never be ready.
He wasn't ready to say goodbye. You're never ready … no matter how many years you live.
In the end, Loki got his revenge, his rage quenched … he killed the monster who killed his mother. He knew that it would probably take his death to do so … and it gave Thor the push he needed to save the universe from darkness.
He only wished that he didn't have to leave the world so alone … without knowing someone cared for him the way Frigga had cared for Odin … someone who looked at him the way Jane Foster looked at Thor. Stars in their eyes. Sharing secrets with just a look. Willing to sacrifice anything for the other. He had no woman for his mother to look after.
Darcy saw him lying in Thor's arms, gasping for air. Jane looking on in horror.
He was sorry. He knew he only had seconds to tell him ... and he told his brother the truth … he was a fool.
And he didn't do it for Odin.
He did it for his mother.
Hello, Mother … have I made you proud?
He did it for Frigga. For all the people he killed. For the families that had to mourn as he did.
Hello, Mother … have I made you proud?
"Darcy."
She opened her eyes, seeing Frigga and the impossible beauty of the stars in the in-between.
"It's okay to love him."
~~::::::...::::::~~
AN:2 Feels! That might be why this was hard to write ... I never want the feels to be too cheesy, but whatev. Please shoot me a line if you notice any horrifying typos and review if you have a spare minute. I'd love to know what you're thinking. Thanks for sticking with me :-)