Chaos herself's note:

Hey, there!

A new chapter, a new story cover picture - and both in one go. Wow. :)

Originally I had funnier drawings in mind for this story, but I feared they might be too small to notice. The coloration was quite troublesome, though, but it's obvious a simple pencil drawing just won't do!

But enough of the cover of Idle Idol and on with the actual story. :)

Have fun!

Chaos

...

"Say what?", Hidan let out an enraged shriek.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!", he hollered flailing his arms uselessly, as the great ordeal came crashing down on him. But the obscure deity's unimpressed gaze showed not a damn bit of mercy: the Shikamaruist was smitten to His commandments.

So, how did Hidan deserve such a punishment out of the blue?

Last night everything seemed still perfectly fine to him. The God had led His first follower out of the Temple of the Holy Family, so they could attend the food offering ceremony at the f-...fucking pounch's house.

And damn! If that hadn't been a feast worthy of a deity, Hidan didn't know fucking shit. He was quite impressed by the f-...fucking bulky slob. There had been lots of plates and bowls and pots piled with huge amounts of rich grub smelling just as delicious as they tasted, gallons of whichever fine drinks to quench their thirst. The offers at this banquet had been first rate, and Hidan observed that the Lord had seemed pleased. It had been due time, that someone else acknowledged the presence of a God here already - and the Shikamaruist admitted, the f-...fucking wobbly meatloaf of a sinner had done a good job to worship the Lord!

Even the f-...fucking stout fag's little bitch had been only half as annoying. Plus, Hidan remembered and followed the Lord's commandments most of the time, so the forbidden 'f-word' only half slipped off his lips - and that was fucking damn hard to acomplish, but he did it. The whole evening dedicated to praise the Lord had been a damn success in Hidan's eyes, when Lord Shikamaru and His first disciple returned home.

Moreover, the Lord had even allowed Hidan to share the Futon again afterwards. He had felt so fucking blessed, then. And the Shikamaruist swore, he had never had a better goodnight's sleep, snuggling to His side beneath the sheets that night! He had felt warm, completely surrounded by the presence of his God, listening to His calm heartbeat accompanying him to dreamland.

And dream, he did after such a long time.

Hidan did not exactly remember what had happened in his dream, though, but he was damn sure, it had been about things he liked...such as fighting and killing with a purpose and blood, oh, lots of blood that he could offer! But most of all, Lord Shikamaru had been with him all the time, watching him, caring about him, making him feel that he belonged somehow.

Hidan knew, because he still felt that way when he woke up that morning and gazed at the divine face of his sleeping God, realizing they almost shared the same air - close as the Shikamaruist was to heaven. So he wondered.

If the mere presence of the deity had such an impact on his fucking life, what heavenly gift beyond imagination would Hidan receive, if he drew in the very breath the Lord had exhaled, having blessed air circulating between them like a prayer?

How much he actually was consumed by that musing, he only realized when he finally noticed that Lord Shikamaru had already opened His eyes and was piercing daggers at him with His divine deathglare. He did not utter a single 'how troublesome' like He usually did; heck, He didn't say anything at all!

So, maybe, Hidan had overstepped some kind of boundary, when he had taken His breath on his own accord after all... But the Shikamaruist had craved for that blessing then and there so much. The Lord had to have known, His first follower fucking had to taste some kind of connection after a full evening of divided attention! Still, even knowing he had to do penance for his selfish sin, this ordeal seemed so damn unfair. So, the only thing Hidan could do now was hope for Lord Shikamaru's mercy:

"Come on, Lord Shikamaru-chama! Don't be such a pussy... You can't mean to be serious about this bullshit", he all but whined, and he knew it.

However, the Lord just sighed and shook His head. "Hidan, look: just cope with the trouble for as long as it takes, and be done with it once and for all. You want to be with me, don't you?", He argued calmly, then continued, when he nodded, "so let's face it: sooner or later, I will have to attend missions outside Konoha again. And I can't take you along, if you don't have the required capacity and authorisation, even if I want to: you're still a Nuke-nin from Yuga, technically."

That sentence pissed Hidan off even more, somehow. It literally hurt to be rejected by his God like that! Seething, he clenched and unclenched his fists, burning to destroy something - to kill something big!

But the deity was not finished yet: "So, Hidan, if you really, really want me to be able to recommend you for squad member during upcoming missions, you need to retake the exams to be accepted by the village beforehand. It won't be as troublesome as taking classes at the Academy again, promise. Just appear at the Genin test, then go on a couple of minor missions with some team until you can sign up for Chuunin exams - maybe even make Jonin, if you so wish! I assure you, having seen your capabilities and having created most of the pool of assignments myself, you will pass almost hands down and be eligible for my future teams in no time." The Lord sounded reasonable, convincing even. Still, Hidan did not like it one bit!

"I won't hang out with some little shits and snotnosed punks, no fucking way! How hilarious is that?", he barked feeling like a beaten mutt, "And exams are stupid boring shit for stupid fuckheaded nerds!" The former Akatsuki crossed his arms and stamped his feet to make his point.

Then, there came the divine deathglare again, this time with a single remark, that indicated Hidan really was up shit's creek without a fucking paddle: "You are aware, that I, your God, once took these exams, too, aren't you?" Instantly Hidan's anger was snuffed out, his face blanched like a corpse and he felt sick out of regret. He would never ever dare insult his beloved God!

"Ne, Shikamaru-chama...", he murmured down in the mouth fidgeting with the hem of the Lord's sleeve. "You know, I didn't-...You're so great and so high above; You're my God, after all. I would never mix You with the likes of those stupid mongrels. So, You're not angry with me now, Shikamaru-chama, ne? You won't unleash Your divine wrath unto me, will You?"

Lord Shikamaru sighed a quiet 'how troublesome', then fixated His believer again and stated: "Unless you stop complaining and take these exams without causing further trouble. The Genin test is held next week, Chuunin and Jonin exams are scheduled for next month, so be prepared. It's a commandment, Hidan, understood?" So the Shikamaruist had no right to disobey his God...

Fucking great, now Hidan would become a stupid fuckheaded nerd, too! And he would be the oldest stupid fuckheaded nerd by far, ever. How humiliating and embarassing and insulting and enraging!

This fucking had to be a lesson in humbleness after having drawn a stolen sacred breath from a God's lips...