Chapter 21: Masks, Part II

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters… what else is new?

Author's Note: Hey guys, I hope you all are having a good start to 2012. A strange thought occurred to me: what if the world really does end and I never see the guys in real life? I would be a pretty unhappy ghost then… Anyways, here's chapter 21, hope you enjoy it. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought

'If I do let someone, I don't ever let them go; especially not the person I fell for. Even if you want to back out now, it's too late.'

Ranmaru from Ikoku Irokoi Romantan

Marlene Mitchell let out a weary sigh as she switched on the TV. Personally, she was particularly liked the thought of staying in a hotel – no matter how luxuriously decadent the trimmings were, they could never fully conceal the sense of being imprisoned in a matchbox. There was nothing in here that could even think of holding a candle to the infinite confines of the palace she had once called home. Here, the ridiculously opulent vehicles were conspicuous by their absence. Only a small flower garden stood guard outside the premises, unworthy of even being compared to the rolling green lawn that proudly sat underneath the Mitchell household. "Who the hell am I kidding?" she contemplated sadly, watching the six o' clock news bulletin flash its headlines before her vacant eyes. "I would give it all just to go back to the way things were before all this crap happened." Another sigh punctuated the stilled air with a melancholic chime. No, her world had reversed itself in mere moments, with simple words that she didn't fully comprehend. Whenever a serene peace would lull her head into calmness, Logan's admission would puncture it with their searing truth, forcing her to give into reality. She simply did not know where to go from here.

"I love my son" she murmured, bewildered at who she was trying to convince or even why she was uttering the seemingly foolish statement. "I am his mother and I love him, but I…" A blazing pain cracked across her head instantly, forcing her to raise her palm to her forehead. Her pride and joy had somehow morphed into this headache. Over the past few days, Logan's sexuality had been nothing short of a complete hell for her. She wasn't angry at Logan, she could never be, but the thought of him romancing another man was too much to bear. She wanted her little boy to grow up like the upstanding gentleman she knew he was, not throw everything she had done for him back in her face and complain that she was repressing him. Even worse, Teddy had bought into all the drama. Over and over, he had tried to convince her that this didn't make one little bit of difference, that he was still their Logan. "How can he be so blind?" asked the troubled woman to the news presenter on the screen. The dapper anchorman continued obliviously with his report on the worsening economy in Europe, blind and indifferent to a mother's heartache. Standing for her principles had cost Marlene her marriage – she was absolute in the ultimatum she delivered: it was either her or accepting Logan for the person he now was. Shamelessly, Teddy had given his decision without a single echo of doubt resounding through him.

The telephone next to the bed snapped Marlene out of her thoughts with its incandescent ring. The earsplitting trill multiplied her headache tenfold as she threw a careless hand to the receiver. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Mitchell?" The voice on the other end came out as a monotonous drone. Clearly, the receptionist at the Roquefort Hotel was meant for better things than answer to the call of its guests. "Yes Kelly, what is it?" asked Marlene wearily. A loud popping sound burst through the receiver – Kelly was an avid bubblegum lover. "There's a man here, dark brown hair and eyes. He says his name is Logan and that he's your son. Quite a looker for someone so young, is a gigolo or something?" Marlene's eyes narrowed dangerously. "No Kelly, he really is my son" she said softly, feeling her heart viciously contort itself in her chest. "Tell him to wait in the lobby."

"Whatever floats your boat bitch. Fine ass like that, he has to be a gigolo."

Usually, the walk down from the third floor of the hotel took less than ten minutes, two if going by elevator. Eternity after eternity passed with each step Marlene took. Sparks flew around in her brain, pulling her mind in every direction possible. Air evaded her, stalling her down to short blasts of breath. It seemed that God really did enjoy torturing her. Of all people, Logan was the last person she wanted to see. For someone so calculated and composed as she was, her powers failed her at this time. She couldn't react to someone who had been the brunt of her wrath. Her eyes averted themselves to the wooden staircase beneath her, watching her feet reluctantly carry her to her son. "Why are you here now?" she thought desperately, reaching the ground floor and feeling her head spin into a chaotic orbit. "Haven't you murdered me enough?" Her eyes scanned the hushed lobby for a moment before finally laying eyes on Logan. The chocolate eyes that stared back at her had changed since the last time they locked her within their hypnotic clutch. From her distance, she saw that something changed within them: they came in peace, not aggravation. Silent maturity cascaded from their warm irises, twisting their mother's heart until it was a bleeding knot. "I cannot love you for what you chose to be." The words were barely an inaudible whisper, not even reaching the words of their owner. "You can't expect me to."

"Thanks for coming down" said Logan quietly, gazing at his mother as she took a seat opposite him. He could taste the hesitation radiating from her. He flinched slightly at the icy daggers that shot out from her own pair of irises, so cold unlike his own. "Just tell me why you're here" she replied curtly. The bookworm cast his eyes downward with a sad smile. "Do you really hate me that much Mom? Have I hurt you that badly?" His ears picked up on a distinct shuffling sound. "Yes, you did" was the murmured answer. He nodded and lifted his head back up to meet hers. "I'm sorry. I know I can't make you believe that, but I need you to know that I really am sorry. I was stupid and in love."

"You don't expect me to believe that you came all the way here just to tell me this." Marlene's expression softened into neutrality. She didn't know what to feel anymore. The entire situation was fast exhausting her strength – this needed to end quickly. "Tell me why you're here."

"I know you hate me, but please don't take this out on Dad. He doesn't deserve any of this."

"Your father is willing to support a lifestyle that I can't condone."

"So what if I said I wasn't willing to be that way anymore?" Logan artfully tilted his head for effect, basking in his mother's compliment. "What do you mean?" she asked with a hoarse voice. The bookworm blinked twice in response. "You and I both know you moved out because of me. You're divorcing Dad because of me, so clearly I'm the problem here. Come back home and I'll stop all of this. I'll be whoever you want me to be for the rest of my life."

"You mean-"

"It'll all be like it was before."

"And-"

"We won't ever talk about this again." The brunette's mother fidgeted her hands nervously. All back to normal… it was almost too good to be true. "What does your father say?" she asked. Logan inhaled deeply. "He thinks that I borrowed his car and went out for pizza. He doesn't know I'm here."

"Don't you think that he ought to be part of all this?"

"No. This is between you and me and that's how it's going to stay." Logan leaned forward and shot arrows straight into his mother's eyes. "I know you. You can't survive without the twisted fantasy of the perfect family you want. This is your only chance Mom. I suggest you take it."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"And the royal couple of the 2011 Palm Woods Senior Prom is… Carlos Garcia and Camille Roberts!" Through the veiled lights of the Venetian-themed gym, the drama queen stared at her partner through her feathered mask. A triumphant grin returned the awe-filled stare she sent out. "We won?" she whispered, feeling herself draw closer to the Latino. Her ears throbbed with the applause coming from the hands of her fellow senior class. "We won babe" barely registered in her ears before her lips met his in the sweet symphony of a kiss. Her heart gave nervous thuds against her chest while soaring butterflies quivered around in her stomach. She pulled away smilingly to take in the glow of her boyfriend's face, thoroughly enchanted by the victorious glow coloring his golden-kissed skin. "This isn't happening. It doesn't feel real."

"Believe it Camille. This is our time." The drama queen felt the heat rise in her face, clashing unceremoniously with the black feathers of her mask. "Is it mad if I say that I'm falling for you?"

"I don't know. Is it mad if I say that I love you?"

Through his glazed green eyes, the hockey captain watched Camille and Carlos walk up to the main stage. Vague claps nonchalantly resounded from his hands with minimal effort. The suit he had rented stifled his body within its trappings. He could feel Jo's eyes burn right into him, excavating his soul with their desperate plea. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be with the one person who could make everything right in the world again, who could make him see the colors of life where now he only saw indistinguishable grey. "I shouldn't have asked him to sleep with me" he reflected darkly, watching Carlos fling his crown into the air. "It just made everything worse for me. How am I supposed to move on like this?" With the utmost caution, he turned his head to the side and surreptitiously stole a glance at his partner for the night. Luckily her wistful gaze was entranced by the crowning of the prom couple. Kendall gave small, derisive snort. "Six months ago that what we would have wanted. But now, it's a miracle if we even say two words to each other."

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" asked Jo, her eyes never moving from the drama queen and the Latino. The hockey captain frowned at the calculating tone. He had to applaud her saint-like demeanor up until now. She had never flown into thunderous rage, at least not in front of him anyways – either she was too forgiving or too unstable to handle his blatant treachery of their love. "Does it really matter Jo?"

"I suppose not." The rest of the crowd broke out into a stampede of cheers to hail their prom royalty, leaving the two of them caught in their own silence. Neither of them spoke, but there was nothing left to say: too much lay broken between them for there to be even a chance of reconciliation. They both knew that their relationship was taking its last breaths. All they were doing was facilitating its last wish. "I'm a fucking moron" thought the hockey captain morosely. "All I wanted was to be loved and now I've ended up with nothing more than pain." He blinked away the stinging start of tears misting his eyes. "God, if you can hear me… let him take me back. I'll slit my own throat if I have to, just please don't let me live with this hurt." A small tug on his arm immediately killed the mental plea ringing in his consciousness. Turning to his side, he saw the quiet desperation in her expression. Although downcast, her eyes screamed for a savior to put her out of this purgatory. "Take me home Kendall" she whispered softly, her broken voice barely audible above the rapturous crowd. "I don't want to be here anymore." With a slight nod, the hockey captain took her by the hand. A single picture of his precious bookworm unraveled itself in his head with the force of an atomic bomb. "I don't want to be here either."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

Kendall lost himself in the ricocheting silence in between him and his former lover. In the thirty minutes it had taken for him to drive Jo back home, he had come to the conclusion that he couldn't keep his promise to Logan. There was a vast chasm in between them and taking the first step meant falling into it. In the state his heart was in, he couldn't risk it. "Let people talk about us" he thought wrathfully as he accompanied his partner up to her patio. "Screw them all, they don't even know what happened. I can't be here and pretend that I love her when I'm thinking about him."

With clinical precision, Jo opened the door and swung it aside with a careless shove. "Are you coming inside?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea. Your dad-"

"He's not here. He had to fly to New York for a business meeting." Jo turned around and allowed the hockey captain the privilege of seeing her lower her façade. In the weak moonlight, her eyes glowed with the moistening of tears, each one of them pleading for love. "If I ask you something, will you do it?" The quiver in her voice was hard to miss. She took a step forward and flung herself against Kendall's body, feeling that much more devastated at his unresponsiveness. "Jo, what are doing?"

"Make love to me Kendall." She looked up and suffocated his stunned irises. "Love me like you love him. Please, I can't take all of this anymore!" Her lips moved forward and met his. Ice cold at first, her labial touch slowly melted him and drew him into the kiss. He hands allotted themselves on either side of his chest, teasing his body through the black softness of his suit. For one moment, she felt him return the zeal like he did before, but it passed as reality dealt its unforgiving hand. He gently pulled her off his form, feeling guilt well up inside of him. It was strange, but even kissing her felt like he was betraying Mitchell. "Jo, we can't."
"He's not here Kendall" she cried, drawing his body against her own once more. "If he really loves you, where is he now?"

"But we can't sleep together" murmured Kendall faintly. "For one, we don't have protection."

"I don't care! Why is it so hard for you to even look at me?" Her hands gripped around him once more, causing his eyes to shut down. Logan used to place his hands where hers lay now. "Kendall" she whispered softly. "I love you. ONLY you. Show me that a little part of you still cares at least. Love me tonight, that's all I want from you."

OK, so some really hectic things are happening! Leave a review and I might leave my other stories and concentrate on this one Don't forget, you are the reason why I do this so your comments really do help. Also, do you guys like the quotes I put in at the beginning of each chapter? Till next time guys ;)