Oh God... I'M SO TERRIBLY SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING ALL THIS TIME! It's just... I've been addicted to something lately (NO, IT'S NOT DRUGS).
First, I am completely sucked in with the songs Servant of Evil and Butterfly on Your Right Shoulder (Yes, both by Len and Rin from Vocaloid). I don't know why, I just keep on putting those two songs on repeat. It's just... asdfghkl;
Second, I am currently watching and reading Shugo Chara (so that's, like, 130 episodes of anime and 50 chapters of manga - not including encore). I don't know why (God, I say that a lot, don't I?) but I'm just addicted to this series. Also, I just finished reading Faster Than A Kiss (SO GOOD. You should read it sometime!) and I'm also still following with Kaichou wa Maid-Sama. So yeah... Busy otaku, that's me.
Third, I am trying to finish up my summer reading goal (consisting of 20 books by several great authors that I've researched about before my holiday) before school starts (that would be on Tuesday, 17 July 2012). And yeah... I'm on my 18th book now, so wish me luck~
Last but not least, I'm trying to re-stuff (please tell me that that's a real word) my brain with school stuff (you know, studies and Student Council matters) so that I wouldn't be lost on my first day of school.
AH, one more thing. I've been having trouble concentrating (thanks to a really small-but-big-for-me-because-I-am-such-a-clutz-slash-drama-queen-slash-idiot-god-this-is-one-long-word problem that I'm currently facing), so that makes almost all of the things I need to do really horribly hard for me.
God, it feels SO GOOD to talk these things out.
Um, yeah. So if you're still reading this, I'm sorry for keeping you so long.
Reviews:
blackopalz21: Haha... I feel that I'm going to let away some spoilers here... So I'll just shut up... Thanks for, um, being my "faithful follower on FF".
usuixmisaki: LOL I feel like making people fangirl and cry is my ultimate mission on FF now... LOL jk
Magica Ring: Um, no, that chapter isn't the last one.
AznRomance x3: Well, my curfew is at 10, but I stay up late in my room (secretly, LOL) to finish up some stuff like homework or a book in bed with a small torch.
xtheBLEACHEDalchemistx: Yeah, indeed, it was.
FeelLikeSmiling: Nah, even I doubt my plot sometimes... Sigh...
ChuGaEun: Haha, yeah. But without these, there wouldn't be any cheesy reunions that we (or me, at least) fangirls love so much. LOL.
Heidilynn08: Yeah, but I'm not updating as often as I did once, though... Sorry... I'll be watching you back *grinslikeamaniacback*
C: Um, no. That wasn't it.
Thud. Thud.
"The carriage is ready."
The continuous knock on the door was what made me open my eyes from what was probably the best sleep that I had since... ever. Annoyed, but seeing that there was no other choice, I climbed off the bed and made my way towards the door.
The room, I couldn't help but notice on my way to the door, was brilliantly bright. The red velvet curtains were parted, both neatly tied in a knot on both sides of the massive window; it must've been well past noon now. I wondered if Usui was the one who opened the curtains…
Wait. Where was he, anyway?
But knocks sounded from the door again – louder and with more power this time – so I didn't have time to find the prince. I fixed my hair a little – not because I was self-conscious, but because I wanted to show some respect – and opened the door.
Three guards stood by the door, grim expressions sewed on their faces. Somehow, they weren't shocked that I was the one opening the door, and not Usui.
"The carriage is ready," one of the repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time.
"Y-yeah, I know," I said, suddenly aware that my dress was already laced up on the back.
Gee, I wonder who did that.
But I guess that was a good thing – that my dress was laced up again, I mean – even if it felt a bit uncomfortable (Usui – or whoever laced up the dress – must've made a knot with the laces when he was lacing it up), since I think that the guards might've gotten the wrong idea if it wasn't.
I turned back to find Usui, but my search came up negative. I tried listening for any splashes of water from the bathroom, on the off chance that Usui was taking a bath so late in the day, but didn't hear any.
"Um," I turned around to face the guards again. "Usui isn't here. I think you guys might want to, err, look for him…?"
Their expressions changed, and suddenly, I was faced with three hideous horrified faces.
"Kindly," a guard said, "please do not address the Royal Prince by his name, young lady."
Ah, another lecture about politeness. Yippee.
"Ah," I muttered amiably – um, should I add that I also used a little hint of sarcasm? – bowing my head a little. "Of course. Sorry. Um, Prince Usui isn't here, I think –"
But I didn't get to say what I thought, because two of the guards interrupted me halfway.
"Prince Usui is currently talking with the King," they said in unison.
"Then how – who's going to bring me home?" I asked ignorantly.
They gave me an incredulous look, before saying, "A carriage is already waiting for you outside. It will get you back to your village safely. There is no need for the Prince Usui to be present."
I think I do not need to tell you how much my heart ached when they said that.
"Uh, can – can I meet Prince Usui before we depart?" I asked.
I wasn't a least bit surprised when they said no.
Of course. Why would they let a dismissed servant, such as myself, meet the Royal Prince in the middle of his talk with the King?
I slipped on my moccasins and was lead outside, where a horse carriage was waiting for me impatiently.
Usui wasn't there, waiting for me by the carriage.
And even though they told me that Usui wouldn't be coming along just a few minutes ago, I still had a small spark of hope that he would. But seeing that he really wasn't there…
Well, I felt as if someone had yanked my heart out of my chest and ripped it into shreds.
So that was how he was going to do it? No final goodbye? No farewell kisses on the cheek? No embraces? No words of promises that we would be fine, that we would meet again?
That was it?
Nothing?
I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't help myself. I was hurt.
I sobbed quietly as the carriage took me home. I tried blinking the tears back, but whenever I did, more tears escaped my swollen eyes.
I'd got to stop crying. I didn't want my mom and sister to see me cry. I didn't want my neighbors to see me cry. If Usui was there, he would've –
Oh, God… Why did I even think about him?
More tears rolled down my cheeks.
The ride seemed absurdly long and painful – and I'm not talking about those nasty rocks we kept on bumping in to, either – but when the carriage finally stopped, and I heard the driver announce that we had arrived in front of my house – how in the world did he even know where my house was? – I quickly wiped any evidence that I'd been bawling my eyes out and stepped out.
I didn't know how the villagers would react to my returning home, since no one had ever come home are they were brought to the Class territory. And surprisingly, they acted…
…surprisingly normal – much to my astonishment.
Only a few people actually realized that I came out from a Class carriage, and all they did was glance at me for a second, before continuing with what they were doing, like seeing people walk out of a fancy carriage was a daily occurrence in the village – which was not, I can assure you that.
It wasn't until the carriage had gone out of eyesight that people started swarming around me like moths around light, asking me how I was, what I did while I was there, why did my eyes look so puffy, and if I wanted to talk about it.
The only answer that I gave was a faint smile and a shake for that last question. And being the kind neighbors that they were, that quickly shut them up.
My mother and sister, wondering what all the commotion was about, came out of the house just as I was about to knock on the door. The look on their faces, shock, bewilderment, before changing into love…
I sprang forward and hugged them both, tears pouring down my cheeks like rain.
"I'm sorry, Mom, Suzuna," I cried. "They… They caught me in the woods… I… I'm sorry."
They hugged me back.
"We missed you so much!" they said. "When they came here… We thought… We thought you were dead!"
We bawled our eyes some more, before my mom finally brought me in, not wanting to cause more disturbances outside.
Inside, Mom told me to go inside my room to get changed (she said that it was odd to see me in a dress, which was perfectly understandable, I guess, considering how I almost never wore a dress before) while she and Suzuna, who had already stopped sobbing, prepared dinner.
I took off my shoes and tucked them under my bed. I didn't place them by the door of my room, where I would usually place my hunting boots, because I knew I wouldn't be wearing them, and the sight of those moccasins would just bring back the memories of the Class.
Nostalgia washing over me, I gently pulled the silk lace on my back, and the dress swiftly brushed off my body and fell on the ground. I remembered how I'd asked Usui, who I hadn't been too fond of, to lace up the dress for me in the castle. My cheeks had flushed a brilliant red at that time, whether it was because of my fever or the tingles that had went up my spine whenever his fingers had brushed against my bare skin, I didn't know. All I knew was that I sort of… liked the fact that he had helped me lace up my dress.
God, what was wrong with me?
Shaking my head vigorously to throw the thought out of my mind, I noticed something when I, already dressed in my usual clothes, was about to fold the dress and store it somewhere I wouldn't occasionally go to. It was a paper, folded into a neat square, resting on top of the dress itself.
Well, that explained why the dress felt uncomfortable on me. Someone had placed a freaking note inside it.
Someone who just kept on appearing in my mind even though I was desperately trying to forget about him, even right now.
Curious of what was on the paper, I grabbed the dress into a ball and sat on my bed, clutching the Class attire against my chest as I unfolded the piece of paper.
Ayuzawa, my name was written in cursive, with elegant curves and arcs.
I know that you must be really upset right now, and I'm sorry I couldn't see you go. I had an important conversation with the King. I hope you understand.
All you need to know is that I love you, Ayuzawa. I do and always will. Please don't forget all the moments we'd spent together, even if some of them are quite traumatizing and mortifying on your part. You should know that I enjoyed being in your company.
And as for why this letter is where it is, I had no more places I could use to hide it. I didn't want the guards to see this letter, or else they would sense that something is up.
Goodbye, Ayuzawa. I promise that we will meet again someday.
With love, Usui.
Though, at that time, I couldn't even read what the prince had used to sign his little note for me, because the tears that were piling up made it impossible to see anything at all.
I was touched. I really was. And while I'd already knew almost everything that he'd wrote, it still made my insides melt with warmth. I felt ridiculous for being mad at his not saying finally goodbyes and everything back then. I knew why he hadn't waited for me by the carriage, and yet I still had the guts to blame it all on him. Really… how self-centered could I get?
I clutched the dress tighter against my body, my hand brushing against the soft fabric. Suddenly I was craving for Usui touch on my skin.
"You… moron," I muttered under my breath. "You think I would forget all those moments where you harassed me?"
And his image flashed in my mind, smiling down at me, his lopsided grin perfect on his face.
"You'll be fine," I could hear him say, all while placing his hand on my cheek, brushing away all my tears. "We'll meet again… sometime soon, I hope."
Only, when I was slowly brought back down to reality, his hand wasn't there, caressing my cheek. What was there was the coldness from the light fog that had seeped in through the gap from my opened window.
I clenched my eyes shut, letting a wild flow of tears roll down, and hugged my legs against my chest. I sobbed against my knees.
I hate you, Usui…
…but I love you even more.
Sorry if it's a little bit cheesy... I've been feeling a little cheesy these days... Sigh...
Please review!