So, let me start out by saying that I lied. I know I said that in this chapter the Scoobies were in for a surprise, and I did mean that at the time, but things change, you know. That'll happen in the next chapter though, seriously, it will. But this changed into a Spike and Buffy chapter, which I thought was kinda needed, this being a Buffy and Spike story and all. So I hope this is the right amount of romance and bickering when you consider the current context of their relationship. Also, if by any chance the title of this chapter gets an old Spice Girls' song stuck in your head, well, you're welcome, if you like the Spice Girls that is, otherwise I'm sorry :) Well, read and review, and the next chapter will really get the ball rolling, k? Enjoy!

21. When Two Become One

Buffy was standing in the bathroom, her hands gripping the sink. She was staring at herself in the mirror, praying for the courage to take the bandages off by herself. She had only looked at the wound once, and that was enough for her, but Buffy knew that eventually she would have to see it again. She couldn't do it though. After standing there for an hour, she couldn't find the strength to do it. A tear slowly rolled down her cheek.

She noticed that someone was standing in the doorway.

"Aren't slayers supposed to be brave, and…and strong, and… fearless?" She laughed bitterly.

"Hey now, luv, don't do this." Spike pulled her into his arms.

She let her guard down and hugged him back. After days and days of acting like she was fine, the façade was finally cracking.

She started crying harder than before. "I mean, I'm supposed to lead everyone, but I'm so scared, Spike. It's just a scar, but…Oh god, and all those people…"

When the Scoobies first saw the reports of the colossal damage all over the world, they all knew who caused it. There was no discussion about it, just a silent agreement.

"Shhh, luv, nothing else will happen to you."

"It's not me that I'm concerned about." There was a knock on Buffy's bedroom door. She wiped the tears off her face and went to answer it.

When she was out of the bathroom, Spike sighed and said softly, "That's what worries me, slayer."

It was Faith at door with new bandages for Buffy, but after seeing her red, puffy eyes, Faith said, "You okay?"

Buffy nodded her head, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Faith raised her eyebrows.

"Really, Faith, I'm okay."

Spike walked into the bedroom. He went and put his hand on Buffy's back, "We'll talk later, alright?" He phrased it as a question, but the look in his eyes said that is was more of a demand.

She gave him a curious look, "Yeah, sure."

He needed to make sure that Buffy wouldn't out herself in even more danger. He didn't care if she felt like it was her duty to.

"I could've come back," Faith said as she closed the door.

"Nah, it's no problem."

"Okay then, let's change this sucker."

Later that night Spike went and knocked on Buffy's door.

She answered it, fully knowing who was on the other side.

"Hey."

"Can I come in?" He had been acting unusually formal since Willow's attack on Buffy.

"Of course you can. Why are acting so weird around me, Spike?"

Spike quietly groaned. "I'm worried about you, Buffy."

She smiled fondly, "Don't be. I can deal with this, I'm the slayer."

"But that's exactly what I'm talking about. When-," Spike caught himself on that word, "If. If it comes down to it, you'll put your life in the bloody line, but you can't fight Red. She'll beat you, and I can't lose you again."

"I lost you too, you know." It was only fair that he be reminded of that.

"But that's my point!" Spike took a second to calm himself down. "Buffy, we're finally together-I mean, you know, uh, not together together, but just metaphorically speaking."

"Right, metaphorically," Buffy repeated.

They hadn't spoken about their relationship since Buffy confessed (again) that she loved him.

Now they were avoiding eye contact with each other. Finally, Spike looked at her and that stare of his compelled her to look back at him. "Just promise me that you won't do anything stupid, and by stupid I mean you going up against Willow."

"So that's what's been bothering you. The vision."

Spike paused, "It's all I can think about."

"Why didn't you talk to me about it? That's what we do, Spike, we talk about these things."

"'Cause, Buffy, I already know your answers. They're always the same."

For some reason his words hurt her. "That's because they're true and I mean them. I am the slayer. I don't care if there are hundreds or thousands more. I will do whatever I have to do, no matter the consequences." Why couldn't people understand that?

"Have you completely blocked out the last few weeks from your mind? How in the hell are you gonna go up against her, Buffy?"

"I don't know! I don't know, Spike. But if we can't bring her back, then I will. I'll have to."

"And that's it? You're just gonna accept that?"

"Yes! Of course I don't wanna die, but I can accept the fact that I'm gonna die if I have to. I know that's not what you wanna hear, but I promise that I won't face her unless it's absolutely necessary, that's the most I can give you."

"That's not good enough, Buffy." And with that, Spike walked out of her room.

Buffy collapsed on her bed. Maybe she handled that wrongly, but any other way would've been a lie. She wasn't even sure where this talk of her going up against Willow came from. How could she go up against her when Willow was nowhere to be found?

Spike couldn't understand how she could be so prepared to accept her own death, well actually, he could. His emotions were just getting in the way. Things were different now that they both loved each other, there was just more to lose. Situations like this were easier to deal with when she was denying her feelings for him. Not that he would ever trade her love for anything, though.

The next morning Buffy woke up feeling like she got absolutely no sleep. All night she could only think about her and Spike's argument. She and Spike never fought. Well, they did, but he usually always followed her around afterward, but he actually left last night… It's not like she could apologize, either.

This was the last thing she needed right now.

After showering, she went to the main part of the house to find the others. Even though they were in the middle of a crisis, things were relatively normal. The only research that could be conducted was concerning the recent disasters and the missing slayers. All they could do was wait for Willow's next move. Buffy felt sick just thinking about what that might include.

Slayers were busy being trained, Giles was taking care of business, and everyone else was off doing their own thing. Spike was nowhere to be found. Buffy wondered if maybe he was outside, but then she only felt like slapping herself. She really wasn't doing so well lately.

There was always a calm after the storm, but what came after the calm? Buffy's experience told her that things would go downhill, and that's what she was experiencing now. After Willow's attack, Buffy felt powerful and confident, like she was ready to take on the world, but those feelings transformed into fear and confusion.

Where was Faith when you needed her? Probably sleeping off a killer hangover, Buffy thought.

The seemingly never-ending library was partly occupied by a few slayers, witches, and Andrew.

"Oh, hey, Buffy. Angel's in the back of the library if you're looking for him. I doubt you're here for a book or something. Not that you don't like books or, umm-"

"It's cool, Andrew, I know the library's not really my place." But did she really wanna see Angel? That was a big, ugly, foul can of worms. Eh, why not? It was bound to happen eventually.

As she approached Angel she started to realize what a mistake this was, but it was too late. Angel had already sensed her.

"Buffy, what are you doing here?"

"Uh…nothing, just looking for people, seeing what's up."

"Right, well actually I've been wanting to talk to you."

"Oh, you have? I, uh, didn't realize…" Of course Buffy realized this; she had just been avoiding him.

"Yeah, but with everything that's happened, I understand. How are you?"

"Oh…umm, I'm alright," Buffy really just wanted to get this conversation over with, "but what did you wanna talk about."

"Us and… Spike." Angel had to force himself to get out that last word.

Buffy wasn't sure what to say, so she was just sitting there awkwardly.

Thankfully Angel stepped in for her, "I mean I can see that there's obviously something going on between you and Spike-"

"There's nothing going on between me and Spike."

"That's not true, Buffy."

Buffy just turned her head away from Angel. He was the last person she wanted to talk to about this.

"I know there's a lot going on right now, and that this probably isn't the most important thing, but I just gotta know, Buffy, is there still a chance for us?"

There was a long pause before Buffy said, "No… It's not easy for me to say that, Angel, but I'll always care about you. I'm just… I'm in love with Spike and I don't wanna live without him." She got the last part out quickly, like she was pulling off a band aid.

"Wait, you're in love with him? You're in love with Spike?" Angel couldn't understand what was happening. Buffy was in love with her once arch enemy. Had the world turned upside down?

"Yeah, I am."

Angel just nodded his head. "I guess I underestimated you two."

"Most people do," Buffy said quietly. "When I said that thing about the cookies, well, I did mean it at the time. I just wasn't expecting what happened after… But, umm, I'm pretty sure I heard Spike mutter something about a 'dog girl'?" She brought this up in the hopes that her rejection might not be as big of a blow to him.

"Oh yeah, Nina. We had a thing, but…" Angel just shrugged.

"Oh." Buffy wasn't sure what to say. This was turning out to be harder than she imagined.

Angel opened his mouth to say something, but then he closed it and turned his head away.

Buffy started to get up, but Angel grabbed her hand.

"Wait, Buffy. I just want you to be happy, and although I don't have the nicest opinions about you two together, I really do wish you the best."

At this point Buffy was holding back tears, "Thank you, Angel." Then she left the library. She wasn't sure exactly why she was crying, it's not like she regretted telling Angel the truth, but she felt bad about it. After years of her and Angel's love affair, it was truly over and there would be no going back to it.

Angel was hurt of course, he was the loser, but it wasn't a complete surprise. He had noticed the little looks between them. He could tell that there were secrets only they shared. His Buffy, the innocent young girl she was when they met, was gone. Angel left her, but Spike stayed, although it may not have been what he intended, and he saw her go through all those different phases. Now she was an adult, she didn't need a protector anymore, and that's what made her and Spike right for each other. They were equals. Angel would baby her, but Spike would support her and let her stand alone if needed.

But that last part wasn't quite true.

Spike hadn't left his room all day. There was no way he would let Buffy face Willow. How could she be so stupid? She would die if she did.

Spike finally decided to go and talk to her, so he went and knocked on her door.

She knew Spike was there before he even lifted his hand to knock.

Buffy opened the door, but didn't say anything to him.

"Can we talk?"

She stepped aside to let him in.

He started to say something, but then he noticed Buffy's eyes. "Slayer, have you been crying?"

She sighed, "It's nothing," she said as Spike gave her a disbelieving look, "just… Angel, that's all."

"Oh, of course it's Angel."

"It's not like that, Spike."

He scoffed, "Don't try and tell me it was just a hello again, Summers."

"Oh, grow up, Spike. I told you it's not like that. Angel and I…we're over, for good."

Immediately, he responded, "Why?" He could've punched himself for asking that. Why should he care? Angel was one of the reasons why Spike thought he and Buffy would never be together, and now Angel was out of the picture.

"Why? Why?" Buffy was outraged. Had Spike listened to a word she'd said since they've been here? "Because I don't have feelings for Angel anymore! I… God, Spike…" Buffy threw her hands in the air.

"Alright, that's it, Buffy, we've got to stop dancing around this-"

"But I always thought you loved the dance, Spike?" Buffy said in a politely jeering manner. All of her pent up anger towards Willow was being taken out on Spike, as usual.

Spike snarled, "Oh, this is bollocks, Buffy! You love me and I love you, and we both bloody well know that! We can't even really live without each other, Buffy! We're finally together with mutual feelings, no one will judge us- nothing's standing in our way, and yet we don't take this opportunity? Why, Buffy? Why?"

Buffy was completely taken aback by Spike yelling at her. "I'm in love with you," she said matter-of-factly, belatedly answering Spike's "why" from way before.

Spike just sighed, "Did you even listen to a word I said?"

"Not really." Buffy was still looking at him totally awestruck, which didn't go unnoticed by Spike.

Spike laughed lightly and shook his head. Then he went over to Buffy and kissed her.

They'd kissed thousands of times, and done plenty more than that, but this was completely new. Both Buffy and Spike could not be happier than they were in this very moment.