Chapter 21

Jack froze very tellingly for all of a second before he slid a pancake from the pan to the plate as he answered, once again far too casually, "We were roommates in college, and, yeah, we dated for a little while."

Maya bit back a smile, jumping up to sit on the edge of the counter so that she could better watch Jack's face as she asked, "Do you still love her?"

"I still care for all six of the friends I hung out with then," he answered evasively. "I'd like to think most of us are still reasonably close."

"Uh-uh," Maya shook her head. "You know that's not what I mean."

Jack took a deep breath. "I really don't think this is even appropriate to discuss. It doesn't even matter, considering that she's, you know, still married."

Maya was a master of evasion, and she easily recognized it here as she continued her line of questioning with, "What about once her divorce is finalized?"

He shrugged, just as determined not to give a straight answer as she was to get one. "What about it?"

On Cory and Topanga's bay window, on the other side of the open floorplan, Tommy had been awake for a while, listening to father and daughter chatter and not wanting to interrupt it with his presence. Now, though, it sounded like Jack could use some rescuing, so Tommy rolled off of the window seat and padded into the kitchen on socked feet, pointedly ignoring the look of relief that flashed across Jack's face as he sat down at the table.

"Morning, Tommy," Jack greeted cheerfully, both men ignoring the irritation in Maya's eyes as her father asked Tommy, "Do you want some pancakes?"

Tommy shrugged. "Sure."

Surrendering to the fact that she would get no further answers from Jack, Maya hopped off of the counter and made Tommy a plate of pancakes. By the time she set them in front of him, though, her eyes were clouded with another thought – and it was a troubling one at that, if her micro expressions was anything to go by.

Tommy thanked her, unsurprised when she sat down across from him. After a minute of silence, she asked – too casually for the inquiry to actually be a casual one – "I'm curious – do you still think that Eric would've made a good dad?"

Tommy just barely managed to keep his expression neutral as he instantly started trying to figure out where she was going with that question, and he chewed and swallowed his bite of pancake slowly to buy himself a little time before he answered honestly, "I do."

"Really?" she asked, still keeping her tone carefully curious as she pointed out, "From what I've heard, he used to barely be able to take care of himself – and he did leave you once already, when he realized there were different parents waiting for you to be theirs. Aren't you afraid he'll do that again?"

Wait, what? The proverbial lightbulb went off above Tommy's head as he realized, She's talking about her and Shawn, not Eric and I… "No," he answered, thinking through his answer carefully. "He doesn't have any reason to leave me this time around. When he gave me up when I was a kid, he did that because he loved me so much he wanted to do what was best for me even if it hurt him."

"But…" Now she was really thinking too. "But what if he was put in a situation – again – where he thought it would be best to leave you? Wouldn't he abandon you then?"

Tommy took a deep breath, because he honestly didn't know the answer to that one – actually, he admitted to himself, he probably did; it just wasn't what Maya needed to hear right now, not considering what they were actually talking about here. "First of all, Eric never abandoned me; he's not the type. But he is the type of person to convince people to leave him if he believes that would put them in a better situation." He debated saying it, but decided to anyway. "I think Shawn's kind of that way also, so maybe you can understand it too."

Out of the corner of his eye, Tommy noticed Jack whip around behind Maya and start to keep an ear tuned carefully into the conversation as he suddenly realized what was going on in his kid's head.

Still Tommy continued, "But I think something that both of them have started to realize in the years that I was gone – I guess maybe more so Shawn than Eric, for whatever that's worth – is that sometimes love is selfish. It's more than 'if you love something, you let it go.' Sometimes you love someone so much that you can't let them go. Isn't that why we keep up with family members who live across the country, whether they're parents, children, aunts and uncles" he gestured minutely to Jack as he added, "Siblings? Because as much as we don't always like them, we love them? We need them? I know that even though I didn't reach out to Eric until I heard he was running for senator, I looked him up as soon as I turned eighteen, years ago. Eric has kept relatively decent tabs on the six other people who were in his friend group in college. Sometimes people become a part of us, Maya, and we can't leave them behind; we don't even want to… and they don't want to leave us, either. So they just don't. No matter what happens, no matter how many miles away from us they are, they're still… if nothing else, 'out there for' us." He cocked his head to the side, ignoring the way her eyes suddenly blew wide at his phrasing before he asked carefully, "Do you understand what I'm trying to get across here?"

She canted her head to the side right back at him, managing to say only, "huh," and then, eventually, thoughtfully, "Yeah. Yeah, I do." She smiled timidly. "Thanks, Murphy."

He returned the gesture. "Anytime."

Whatever thoughts showed through in Maya's eyes looked like they might be just a little less burdensome as she stood up from the table and made a plate of pancakes for herself.