Chapter 21: Fearless (Colbie Caillat)

A/N 1: I apologize for the delay once again. I was out of pocket for longer than I anticipated. This is the final chapter of the story and is followed by the epilogue. I wish to offer the sincerest gratitude and appreciation to all of the readers, reviewers, and followers of this story. It has been quite the journey and I couldn't have done it without all of you. Thank you for your wonderful comments and words of encouragement throughout this project. The kindness and caring of strangers never ceases to amaze me. Reviews and comments for this chapter….or the story for that matter…would be much appreciated.

A/N 2: The inn in this chapter is a real place that I've stayed at during my trips to p-town and I absolutely love it. To anyone associated with that place who might be reading this….consider it free advertisement and don't sue me. It truly is a magnificent and magical location…

The two and a half hour drive up to Provincetown on the tip of Cape Cod afforded Jane the opportunity for significant introspection. And what was the result of her penetrating examination into herself and her desires? She wanted both dammit! She wanted to be with Maura and still be a homicide detective for the BPD. Was that too much to ask? She sighed in frustration as she pulled into the Crowne Pointe Historic Inn and Spa. She had always wanted to stay at this inn after seeing it on line while engaged in a particularly sleepless night of web surfing. She had thought that her first time at the inn would have been with Maura. She had secretly been planning a getaway for them before all hell had broken loose in their lives again. As she stepped out of her car and looked up at the inn, she couldn't help the small smile that emerged on her face. Maura would love this place, she thought to herself. The inn was luxurious and classy, yet quaint and personable at the same time.

The two story Victorian house was built at the turn of the 19th Century for a prosperous sea captain. The carriage houses that sat behind the main house were built shortly afterwards and were used to house fisherman….She heard Maura's "google mouth" swimming through her head as she took in a panoramic view of the establishment. A wave of sadness coursed through her and unshed tears began to water her eyes at the realization of why Maura wasn't there.

Jane ran a hand through her windswept tresses before she turned back towards the car and retrieved a small duffle bag from the back seat. Maura didn't know where she was…..no one knew, except for Frankie of course. Frankie always knew where she was and what she was up to….and she trusted him explicitly to keep her whereabouts to himself. Jane didn't need any interference from others. She required solitude to process her thoughts and would only get it if everyone left her alone…..including Maura. She had even left her phone at her apartment in a final attempt to completely disconnect from her life….an act that was no small feat for Jane who slept nightly with her Blackberry by her side. Being without instant handheld communication was extremely difficult, considering the electronic appendage had become a permanent part of her wardrobe over the years. She couldn't even remember a life before cell phones and computers now and wondered how she, or the world for that matter, survived without them all those years ago.

After checking in at the front desk, Jane strolled up to her "Pamper Me Twice" room. Yes it was pricey, much more than she would normally be willing or able to pay for a weekend getaway, but she decided that she was worth it; especially after all she'd been through. She entered the exquisitely adorned room to find a lush king sized bed and a large fireplace encapsulated by white crown molding. She whistled lowly to herself as she visually scanned the room's décor and amenities. Now more than ever, she wished Maura was with her so she could have seen the surprised look on the medical examiner's face at Jane's ability to discover such a romantic and charming place. She unceremoniously dropped her bag at the end of the bed and picked up the informational guide to the inn. It didn't take her but a moment to decide her first order of business. A trip to the mineral bath at the Shui Spa followed up by a drink at the bistro bar in the main lobby.

Come Home (OneRepublic)

Maura had made a mistake…. one of epic proportions. She knew it the moment she passively watched Jane walk out of her office. Why didn't she stop her? Why didn't she follow her? Why did she stand idly by and allow the greatest love she'd ever known to just…..leave? All of the questions running through her intellectual brain could be answered with one word….fear. Fear rooted her feet to the floor. Fear gripped her heart and twisted it around like a strand of DNA. A voice came from the back of her mind and pushed its way forward, begging to be heard. True… but fear keeps you safe, secure, and in control. An opposing voice spoke…..does it now? Fear is a disease that seeps slowly into the fibers of your soul, killing it softly until it is no more. It is a coward's excuse not to live life to the fullest.

Maura pushed aside her thoughts of the detective. She finished out her day with callous indifference, dutifully completing two more autopsies. She immersed herself in the science and enjoyed the logic and control it afforded her. When her mind attempted to stray away from the realm of scientific theory, she willed it to return once more to the comfort and security she had known for so long. Science equaled logic. Feelings and emotions were…..unstable, confusing…and created in her a vulnerability that she was not at all accustomed to.

Maura's ability to control her emotions ended with her work day. The tears were flowing softly down her cheeks as she pulled into the driveway of her home. Jane was not there. She had even driven past the detective's apartment in hopes that she would see the unmarked squad car parked out front. If she had found Jane's car there, she wouldn't have went up to her apartment….. she planned to honor Jane's request for time. But seeing Jane's car parked would have afforded Maura some level of comfort, knowing that she was still close by. When Maura discovered that Jane's car was gone, her stomach fluttered on its own accord in anticipation that Jane was instead at her place, waiting for her. Disappointment flooded her entire being upon discovering Jane's absence. Where was she? Maybe she was with Frankie or Frost and Korsak?

The lights to the guest house were on so she knew Angela was at home….and without Jane. She felt certain that Jane wouldn't have told her mother where she was going because that of course meant Maura would know. After failing to receive a response to a text she'd sent Jane earlier, she decided to text Frost and Korsak to see if they were familiar with Jane's whereabouts. Instant replies from both detectives informed Maura that they didn't have a clue. Frankie was her last resource. Maura had a feeling that Frankie would know where Jane was…. but should she ask her lover's most trusted sibling to divulge such information? She picked up her phone to call Frankie but hesitated right before pressing the speed dial button. That would be improper, she admitted to herself as she laid her phone back down on her kitchen counter. She grabbed a glass from the pantry and poured herself a nice merlot. As she sipped the warm liquid, she absently looked around her living room. She hadn't even turned on the lights yet. Darkness surrounded her, save for the small light illuminating from the water dispenser to the refrigerator.

She had stayed at work late into the evening in hopes of avoiding the inevitable a little longer. She skipped dinner but found that she was not particularly hungry. She missed Jane. On any other night, she and Jane would be having dinner together, basking in each other's company. But now Jane was gone, for how long Maura wasn't sure. She hoped that it was truly only for a couple of days like Jane had said. What if it was longer? Worse yet, what if she didn't return? Maura began to panic at the thought. She knew she was being unreasonable. Of course Jane would return, her life was here in Boston…..her family, her friends, her career. Maura stopped cold at the thought….her career! She had been asking…..no, demanding that Jane end her career. No wonder Jane was so angry with her. Jane needed her career…she needed to be a homicide detective. But what about my needs? Maura questioned herself. Through all the chaos and questioning in her mind came one bit of crystal clarity…..she needed Jane…..desperately.

"All of that thinking makes things a lot more confusing." A voice boomed through the darkness of her living room.

Maura startled as panic quickly coursed through her. She nearly dropped her wine glass. She quickly hit a nearby light switch to illuminate the intruder in her home, who was now standing center stage in front of the fireplace. Upon recognizing the figure, Maura released a heavy sigh of relief before she spoke.

"Why must you break into my home and scare the life out of me?" Maura's voice was full on indignation.

"I needed to talk to you."

"Can't you use a phone like the rest of the world?" Maura fired back.

"No…..not safe….cops are always trying to trace those things." The figure simply stated with a small smirk.

Maura was not amused. "What do you want?"

The figure ignored her question as he walked closer to the medical examiner. He asked a question of his own. "So, you let the person you love most in this world just walk away from you, huh?" He gazed deeply into his daughter's eyes. "You do have some of my traits."

Maura was taken aback by how Doyle would know such a thing but she quickly hid her surprise and focused in on his last statement. "We are nothing alike Patrick."

Doyle shrugged his shoulders. "Suit yourself." Doyle turned away from his daughter and strolled casually around the living room, seemingly studying Maura's collection of wall paintings.

Maura wasn't in the mood to play Doyle's little cat and mouse games and her agitation quickly rose. "Look, it's been a long day and I'm very tired. Can you please just explain why you're here and then leave."

"I'm here because I don't want you to make the same mistake I did."

"What are you talking about?" Maura had an inkling she knew but she wanted Doyle to confirm it.

"Rizzoli….you love her, right? Then don't let her go." Doyle walked back towards his beautiful daughter.

"You have no idea what's going on with Jane and I and have no right to impose your opinion on the matter." Maura calmly stated as she crossed her arms.

"Maybe not, but I do know what it's like to lose the love of your life. It's something that I regret every single day of my life. I loved your mother very much…and I let fear take her away from me." Doyle explained with a compassion and sadness Maura didn't believe he was capable of possessing. "And although you will never understand, I do love you and I want you to be happy…Rizzoli makes you happy."

Maura couldn't help but soften at Doyle's words. She gazed at her biological father intently as she processed his message. Her next words came out just above a whisper, "I don't know where she is….."

Doyle smiled cockily at his daughter. "I might be able to help you with that." He stated as he turned to leave. He opened up the side door and turned back around one more time to address his daughter. "By the way….I never really liked that doctor from Africa…..never trusted him." And with that, Doyle was gone.

Maura stood in place a moment longer before a smile spread across her face. She shook her head in disbelief at the conversation she just had. However, the smile quickly faded when she realized that Doyle had not revealed where Jane was. She scanned the living room with her eyes. She noticed a piece of paper lying on the coffee table and quickly closed the distance to retrieve it. Crowne Pointe, Provincetown….

Come On Get Higher (Matt Nathanson)

Jane had a fitful night of sleep. She tossed, turned, and woke up drenched in sweat from the many nightmares that plagued her subconscious state. She groaned loudly as she looked at the clock on the night stand, which brightly illuminated 0900am. She had hoped that the time she'd spent relaxing in the spa, coupled with a few beers, would have rendered her sufficiently incoherent. Unfortunately, she had lain awake in bed, hands behind her head and eyes fixated on the ceiling above her, mind deep in thought, well into the wee hours of the morning.

After spending fifteen more frustrated minutes in bed, Jane decided to get up. She opened up the door to her room's veranda and stepped outside. The air was cool and brisk. The sky, covered with gray clouds, hinted at the impending rain…typical weather for Cape Cod this time of year. She breathed in and out deeply, inhaling the sea air fully before allowing it to withdraw from her lips. She decided to go for a slow jog on the beach in hopes that it would fuel her body and clear her mind. She hadn't been able to do anything very physically demanding since being shot and she was anxious to see how her leg would hold up. Hair in a ponytail, she donned her running shorts and shoes, tank top and hoodie, and strolled out of the inn. She made the short walk to the fishing pier and stretched out sufficiently before she eased into a mild steady jog. At first, her left thigh protested the rigid movement. Jane gritted her teeth and fought through the pain and discomfort until her thigh relented and began to cooperate with the rest of her body. She was about two miles into her jog before her body shouted Enough! She slowed herself down to a walk and placed both hands on her sides, breathing heavily. Damn she hated being weak and out of shape! She walked a mile more before turning around to head back.

As she walked the three miles back towards the pier, she willed her mind to think about the reason she was there. Could she really leave her job behind? If she did, would she be able to be with Maura and not resent her for the choice she was forced to make? What would happen if she did decide to stay a cop? Would Maura accept her decision and continue to be with her or would Maura end it, expecting them to return to just friendship? Or worse, would Maura quit her job and leave because she couldn't bear to be around Jane anymore? Jane quickly became frustrated and overwhelmed searching for the illusive answers to her questions. She briefly closed her eyes as she concentrated on the sound of the ocean waves crashing into the shore. She stopped and turned towards the sea, opening her eyes. She looked out into the vast expanse in front of her intently, as if she would find the answers she sought in the depths of the horizon. When none appeared to be forthcoming, she turned around and continued on her journey back to the inn.

When she was within sight of the pier, she noticed a solitary fisherman fishing alongside one of its pillars near the shore's edge. The beach had been virtually deserted during her three mile trek and this was the first person she had seen in awhile. No one else was remotely nearby. The figure was wearing a hooded rain jacket so Jane was unable to see their face…..a fact that unnerved her but she wasn't sure why. Many a fisherman fished this area, so Jane surprised herself when her cop senses suddenly went on high alert. She kept a respectable distance between her and the fisherman as she made her way back up onto the pier.

"Have a nice run Detective Rizzoli?" The fisherman turned towards Jane and lowered his hood as he spoke.

Jane immediately went into a defensive posture. She relaxed a little when she caught sight of the fisherman's face…...but just a little. "What are you doing here Doyle? And how did you find me?" After thinking about her second question, Jane held her hand up. "Never mind, just answer the first question." She knew Doyle would never explain how he did…..well, what he did.

Paddy Doyle intentionally ignored both her questions as he looked down at her thigh. "How's the leg?"

Jane looked around the deserted beach before meeting Doyle's eyes once again. "It's fine." She answered as she crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, impatiently waiting for him to answer her question. When no response seemed to be forth coming, she sighed in frustration. "Look Doyle, I appreciate what you did…helping Maura….finding us at the warehouse. You clearly must care for her, otherwise, you would've been long gone by now."

Doyle simply nodded in response.

Jane was suddenly struck by a thought. "One of your men murdered Lisa Kennedy's brother, at your or O'Malley's direction no doubt, and then you go and off him with an ice pick to his chest. Why?"

Doyle looked hard at Jane while he contemplated whether or not he would answer her question. "It was…...a requirement by the family…..eye for an eye and all." Doyle let his explanation linger. It was the only information he planned to give the detective as to how he cleaned up the mess his arrest had caused.

Jane stared intently at the mob boss. "You do realize that the time will come when our professional paths cross again….and when they do, I'll have no choice but to take you down."

A small smirk appeared on the mobster's face but his eyes glinted with a level of intensity that did not go unnoticed by Jane. "I know that you'll do what you have to do…..and… I hope you understand that I will do the same."

Jane nodded coldly in understanding.

"Goodbye Detective." Doyle turned away from Jane and the pier, placing the hood back on his head, and began to walk away.

He took a few steps before she realized that he never did answer her original question. "Doyle! Wait!" The mobster paused and turned back around. "You never did answer my question, why did you come here in the first place?"

A small smile coated the edges of his mouth as he answered. "I brought you a present." Doyle nodded his head at something behind Jane.

Jane turned and looked over her shoulder and saw Maura running down the beach towards her. In shock and surprise, she turned back to look at Doyle.

"Take care of my daughter." With that, he turned around and strolled casually away.

A Thousand Years (Christina Perri)

Jane looked on briefly before she spun back around towards Maura. She'd barely made it all the way around before her lithe girlfriend jumped exuberantly into her arms. Jane took a step back to brace herself as the jean clad medical examiner wrapped her legs around Jane's waist and her arms around the startled detective's neck. Jane went to speak but was quickly silenced by soft lips pressed against hers. The kiss didn't last long but it was full of passion and promise.

As Maura slowly pulled her lips away, she held her lover's intense gaze with an equal one of her own. "I'm so sorry Jane. I had no right to impose such an ultimatum. I love you….. for who and what you are…not for what my fear wants you to be." Maura lowered her head slightly so that her forehead was touching Jane's. "Whether we have a few days or a thousand years, I want to spend them all with you." Maura whispered with a soft breath that warmed Jane's cheeks. Small tears danced at the corner of her eyes. "Forgive me?" She unknowingly held her breath in anticipation of Jane's reply.

The detective's answer could be found in her own eyes as they visually consumed the misty hazel orbs before her. She hungrily claimed the lips of the gorgeous blonde wrapped around her in response.

After moments of time standing still, the couple unwittingly parted. Not a word was spoken between the women during the stroll back to the inn. They instead chose to let their eyes do the talking as passion filled glances danced between them while they walked with joined hands.

Magic (Colbie Caillat)

A rainy afternoon of love making transformed into an evening of lying naked in front of the fireplace, wrapped in a feather down comforter… and each other…for added warmth. A soft glow from the orange flames reverberated from the four corners of their room as the only light. Underneath them splayed a large white faux bearskin rug that helped cushion the stiffness of the solid pine floors. Maura was on her back, hair tousled along a feather pillow. The light from the fireplace reflected magically in her irises. Head propped up with her right elbow; Jane was looking down at the glowing doctor, softly tracing imaginary patterns with her fingertips across the medical examiner's upper chest and shoulders. With eyes closed, Maura's features held a lethargic smile.

Jane smiled down at the medical examiner. "What are you doing?"

"Languishing in a haze of fulfillment." Maura replied without opening her eyes.

Jane softly laughed at the doctor's reply. Silent moments ticked by. Jane looked up and pensively stared into the dying embers of the fire before returning her gaze once more to the woman lying beside her. "I thought I might have lost you." She softly whispered the careful confession.

That admission caused Maura to open her eyes and stare directly into the deep chocolate ones above her. She lifted up just enough to be face to face with the suddenly sullen detective and placed her palm against Jane's cheek. "Jane, I love you. After everything we've been through together, I can't possibly imagine being anywhere but next to you. Given who we are and what we do, I realize that our lives won't be the easiest….. but as long as I'm with you, it will always be worth it."

"You know, it could've been Ian here…..with you…..like this right now." Jane admitted with much trepidation in her husky voice.

Maura, understanding Jane's insecurities in regards to Ian, decided to make a similar confession. "Well, it could have been Lisa here with you like this…" Maura let the sentence trail off because she didn't want to imagine a life where Jane's heart belonged to someone else. Maura placed her palms on each side of her lover's olive skinned cheeks and looked deeply into Jane's eyes. "…. but I'm really….really… glad that it's us." Maura willed her words to travel through Jane's eyes and into the depths of her soul.

Jane stared affectionately into her lover's eyes before bridging the gap to softly claim Maura's lips with her own. The kiss was tender and sweet, full of promises and commitment for their future. After several moments of warm velvety kisses, the couple softly returned to their position on the floor and continued to caress each other until sleep finally swept them away into a restful euphoria.

Epilogue:

Almost Lover (A Fine Frenzy)

The hustle and bustle of the homicide division was at its usual noisy pace. Detectives moving about to and fro, phones ringing off the hook, case files stacked high on desks just waiting for the next lead….and Jane couldn't be happier. It was Friday….marking the end of her first full week back to work. Jane's week had been fairly routine and normal….well, normal for Jane anyway. One murder, two natural deaths, and a suspected suicide rounded out the grim highlights. She melded back into the usual melee with the same confidence and poise she had before without missing a beat.

She was sitting at her desk looking over the facts of her latest homicide when she felt a sudden change in the air. She glanced up to see Korsak and Frost looking at something or someone behind her. Korsak's eyes met Jane's and with a nod of his head told her to turn around. Jane turned around and saw Lisa approaching.

Jane stood up to greet her once upon a time romantic interest. "Lisa…hi…" Jane hadn't seen the ADA since their time at the warehouse. She looked Lisa over to assure herself that Lisa was okay and had healed, just as she had…well, from the outside anyway.

Lisa smiled kindly at the Italian detective. "Hey, got a second?"

"Ummm…sure." Jane replied as she motioned for Lisa to lead the way. Lisa led them into the same soft interview room they had used previously when Lisa had apologized to Jane for her repulsive behavior regarding Maura and Doyle's relationship.

Jane stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She patiently waited for Lisa to speak her mind. Lisa was dressed casually in jeans and a sweater….not her usual sleek ADA suits. Her hair was down and fell loosely around her shoulders. Jane couldn't help but notice that she still found the blonde attorney to be beautiful and attractive.

"I came to say thank you…..and to also say goodbye. I haven't seen you since…well, since everything happened. I would've come to the hospital to visit but I just couldn't bring myself to face you…..or anyone else for that matter." Lisa looked down and nervously pushed a strand of hair behind her ear before turning her gaze once more towards Jane. "Thank you for saving my life. I'm so very sorry for what you had to go through." Lisa looked at Jane as if she was seeing her hanging from the warehouse rafters with a metal chain around her wrists once again.

Jane closed the distance to stand directly in front of the distraught attorney. She tentatively reached out to touch Lisa's cheek but Lisa backed away from the comforting gesture. With understanding, Jane returned her hand to her side and took a step back. After being raped, Lisa was not at the stage in her healing process where she could allow someone to touch her.

"How are you doing Lisa?" Jane asked with genuine concern and caring.

Lisa looked away, folded her arms across her in an attempt to comfort herself, and slowly walked towards the window, absently looking down onto the bustling street below. After a moment, she finally answered the question. "As well as can be expected under the circumstances I guess." She paused in thought before continuing. "The most difficult part was losing my brother in all of this. I blame myself….for a lot of things."

Jane nodded her head in helpless, yet sympathetic understanding.

Lisa continued, "I resigned my position as an ADA…I'm going back to New York. I don't really have any plans beyond that. I need to get away from this city and its recent memories for awhile….but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you." She met Jane's eyes as she walked away from the window and approached Jane, stopping directly in front of her. For a moment, she lost her nerve and looked down at her feet. She conjured up the confidence to say her next words as she once again met the detective's gaze. "Jane, you will always be special to me. I truly regret how things turned out with us. Perhaps in another life things would've been different….but we'll never know now…. will we?"

Jane softly shook her head no in response. Her face displayed a myriad of emotions as memories of the two of them flooded her mind. After a moment of silent understanding between the two of them, Jane finally spoke. "Be good to yourself Lisa."

A simple nod and soft smile from Lisa and then she was gone. Jane remained in the room for a few more seconds to collect her thoughts. After a moment, she took a deep breath, opened the door, and returned to her desk.

Lucky (Jason Mraz and Colbie Calliat)

A couple of hours later…..

Jane's cell phone rang. She pulled it off her belt to glance at the caller ID. A smile spread across her face as she answered the phone. "Yes?"

"How's the sexist homicide detective in Boston?" Maura asked with a sultry tone she only used for Jane.

Jane decided to tease the medical examiner. "Hmmm….. just Boston huh... not the world….or even the whole country?"

"Jane, as you know, I am not familiar with all homicide detectives from around the world. Therefore, I couldn't say with absolute conclusiveness that you are in fact the sexiest."

Jane leaned against the edge of her desk and smiled as she listened to the medical examiner rattle on about scientific research, making assumptions without the proper amount of data, …..

"But since I know each and every homicide detective for the B.P.D., I can emphatically proclaim….beyond the shadow of any doubt…..that you are truly the sexiest gumshoe among them." Maura stated with a finality that said she had won her argument.

Jane laughed. "Okay, okay, Dr. Smarty-pants, did you need something or were you just calling to remind me how smart you are?"

"Actually, I was calling to see if you were going to get off work at a decent time tonight…..I have plans for us this evening." Maura sexily proclaimed.

"Well barring any last minute catastrophes, I think so." Jane had a momentary feeling of déjà vu. Somewhere in the back recesses of Jane's mind, she remembered a similar conversation with a different blonde in her recent past. Jane shook her head as if to clear it, willing her mind to clear out the clutter of the past and just focus on her present and future life with Maura. "What did you have in mind for the evening?" Jane lowered her already husky voice an octave as her tone became more seductive.

"Hmmm…..well now, I guess you will just have to get out of work on time and find out, won't you? Suffice it to say, it involves music, candlelight….and lots and lots of passion." Maura's sensuous smile practically jumped through the phone line to touch Jane.

"Really? Then let's leave now." Jane felt a rush of excitement and anticipation course through her. She was also starting to get a little aroused….which wasn't a good idea since she was standing in the middle of the homicide division.

Now it was Maura's turn to laugh. "Patience my love…all good things come to those who wait."

"True, I waited for you for a long time….." Jane said in all sincerity.

"And I you Jane…...my best friend, my soul mate…the love of my life."

Jane closed her eyes and smiled deeply within. How she had longed to hear those words pass through Maura's lips…..and have them refer to her and not someone else. They really had traveled full circle…..and had come through all of it stronger and deeply in love. Like Maura had said to her at the inn, life will never be easy but being with Maura, loving Maura and Maura loving her, made Jane feel as if she could conquer anything and everything. For all the peaks and valleys life had to offer….the pain, the joys, the good times and bad….as long as they were together, it would always be worth it in the end.