Everything's fine.
With Troy. With Monica. With everything in my life.
Life's good. Well, as good as life could be without my mom. But I'm happy. I'm so happy, actually. And a major part of it has to do with Troy. He makes me so happy and I'm not even embarrassed to admit that my happiness is stemming from being with a guy. From having a boyfriend.
He's more than just a guy, though. He's my boyfriend and he's quickly becoming my best friend, someone I can tell anything and everything to.
"What are you thinking about?"
"What?" I snap out of my thoughts and look up at Sophia, "nothing."
"Nothing?" she smiles at me, closing the door to her room behind her, "it's not nothing."
She's right. It's nothing. I'm just thinking about everything. I've been doing that lately. Thinking about my life and how it's been so good lately. Obviously, my mom is not here and that part REALLY, really sucks. But I have to be positive and look at all the good that I have. And it's a lot. I have so many good things in my life that it's hard to be sad. It really is. I've been really, really happy these days and it's all thanks to all the wonderful people in my life.
Including my best friend Sophia. "Life's good. That's all I'm thinking about. And how happy I am that you're home for a whole month!"
"Exciting, right?" She slips off her slippers and jumps on her bed, "I've missed home so much."
"Do you wanna have a best friend date and dress up all cute and go to dinner and plan something else, but when it comes time to do it, we'll realize we're way too lazy to do it so we'll come home and binge watch some show on Netflix in our pj's and then fall asleep together?"
Sophia laughed. "I love us so much."
I loved us, too. She was my ride or die chick for life. "Is that a yes?"
"Duh!" she says, grabbing one of her pillows and hugging it as she faced towards me, "no plans with Troy?"
"No," I shake my head. I wasn't offended. I mean, she's been away at school. Instead of my weekends being occupied with her, they're now occupied with him and she knows that. But it's a balance now. And I have no problem being away from him for a day. "He can do whatever he wants to do tonight."
"You love him, don't you?"
What? This is literally the first time someone has asked me this. Well, in this way.
My sister, maybe a couple weeks ago now, asked me when we were cooking dinner one day. She asked if I was in love, if I was falling, if I saw a future with him, etc. But Sophia is basically telling me I'm in love.
And you know what... I think I am.
I think I do love Troy. I really, really think I'm in love with him. And I think I have been for a little while now.
He's everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend. Someone who's there for me, but doesn't overcrowd me. Someone who can make me laugh, but knows when it's time to be serious. Someone who gets along with my family. Someone who is kind to everyone. Who's attractive and nice and loyal and sees the good in everyone. He's just... the best. He really, really is. And I couldn't ask for anyone better to share my life with... to be my boyfriend.
"I've never said those words out loud," I tell her, "but I think so."
"I know so," she smiles at me as we're now laying down on her bed on our sides, looking at each other, "I've never seen you this happy before."
She's right. I love Troy.
And I'm so scared to admit it. I'm so scared I'm moving way faster than he is.
"You just never know if you're on the same page," I admit, "it's scary. Feeling what I'm feeling. I... I do love him. And I think I have for a little while now, but what if he's not there yet? I'm there and if I tell him, I feel like I'll put pressure on him to get there. And what if it turns into some kind of resentment?"
"I get where you're coming from. But what if he feels the same way? You guys will just make your bond that much stronger."
She's right. But it's a scary risk to take.
And now that I've said the words out loud, I feel like all I wanna do is shout it from the rooftops, write it everywhere, tell him everything I'm feeling.
"I've only known him for seven months, Soph," I turn on my back, looking up at the ceiling, "that's crazy! It's so crazy that I could be feeling this way so soon. Like, he could one day be my... my husband. That's how I'm starting to feel and it's scaring me. It's making me feel like I'm crazy."
"Don't feel crazy," she sits up a bit, "you can feel however way you want. When you know, you know, and Gabs, I think you know. You just have to be honest with him and tell him exactly how you're feeling. It's the only way."
She's right. I have to.
And now, I want to. I really, really do.
I love him.
I'm in love with Troy Bolton and I want to shout it from the fucking rooftops.
Troy," I say, opening the door, surprised he's here.
"Sorry, you going somewhere?" He eyes the purse I'm holding in my arms.
I open the door more so he could come in, but leave it open because I'm on my way out. I had no idea he was coming over. We didn't have plans... I don't think. No, we didn't. I would remember. So I'm a little surprised he's here. "Yeah, um, I'm gonna go visit my mom."
Troy looks like he feels bad. "I should have called. I was at Justin's house and I thought I'd stop by and see what my favorite girl was doing."
"Do you wanna go to dinner?" I suggest.
"Okay," he says, coming close to me and wrapping his arms around my waist, "sounds perfect."
And then we kiss.
But I have to get going because I don't want it to get dark. It's five. So I turn around to grab the keys from the key tray, I hear troy asks me something and I'm not sure I heard him correctly. I turned back around to face him and the look on his face... yeah, I did hear him correctly.
"You want to come with me to visit my mom?" I ask him.
"If that's okay with you," he shrugs, looking a bit nervous which is SO cute.
I've thought about this, actually. In the time I've known him, I've only been with him a handful of times where I'd leave to go visit her. Other than that, it's not something I'd tell him about my day. I'm not sure why. Last time I went, though, I was leaving his house and I wanted to keep hanging out with him, so the thought of him coming crossed my mind. But I wasn't going to ask. No way. It might be too soon for that, I don't really know. I never wanted to force him or put him in a position where he felt obligated to come with me. So I just never brought it up. I never talked about it.
So when he asked, I was a little taken aback. I wasn't sure when or if ever he was going to want to come.
"That's okay with me," I tell him, "but um, are you sure you want to?"
"Yeah," he comes closer to me, "she's your mom."
Ugh. I've got a good one. And my mom would have loved him. She would have loved how he opens the car door for me and walks me to the door at night after a date. Or how he takes my phone away from me when we're studying to make sure we study. She would have loved the little nickname he gave me- Brie. She would have loved that he's stayed up with me on the phone because I couldn't sleep so he talked to me all night. Or when I got a flat tire while I was on the phone with him and he dropped everything he was doing to come help me with it. And when my dad and Monica went to a wedding and no one was home to take care of me because I was sick, he stepped in and made me the most delicious chicken soup.
She would have loved it all- the way he looks at me, treats me, talks to me. Everything.
And I so badly wish they could have met.
"Okay," I give him a smile and wrap my arms around his waist, "let's go."
But they're going to meet today... just in a different way.
I couldn't wait.
"Where is everyone?"
"My sister's out of town with my aunt and I think my dad is at his mom's house," I tell Troy as I shut the door behind us.
He drops his keys in the key tray and then picks up little Coco who was at his feet, begging to be held.
We just got done eating dinner at Sugarfish, the best sushi place in all of LA, and I'm so full. And so tired. And all I want to do is lay on the couch with him, maybe watch a movie or something and then knock out even if it is just 9 o'clock.
"I'm so full," Troy groans as he takes a seat on the couch, Coco now in his lap, begging to be pet.
"Same," I fall back as well, grabbing the blanket from the end.
And I'm tired. It's been a semi-long day, but a good one. I had a birthday brunch for my friend and then did a little bit of shopping. Then visited my mom with Troy, which was great. We just sat there for an hour. I talked to him about her. and it seemed like he really cared. I didn't cry, which surprised me. But probably because I was talking about happy memories with him, not thinking about sad ones like I do when I'm there by myself.
Troy didn't say anything to her, which was fine, it would have been kind of weird I think and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. It was enough that he was there with me, sitting down with his arm wrapped around me. It was more than enough.
"Thanks for coming with me today," I look up at him as I put my hand on Coco to pet her. She has the softest fur.
"Nah, thanks for letting me come," he says, throwing his arm around me.
Like I've been saying... I'm so content with life right now. Sure, I so badly wish my mom was apart of it, but things happen, God does everything for a reason and well, this is my life now. I don't have her here with me physically, but she's still here. And life... life is good. I thought it would never be good. I thought it would suck for the rest of my life, but it doesn't. It doesn't at all.
School is great. I love it. I've made friends, friends I think I'll have for the rest of my life. I'm healthy. My family and I are closer than ever.
And Troy... he is the greatest boyfriend imaginable and I can't believe he's all mine.
"I wanna tell you something," Troy suddenly says.
"What?"
He smiles at me and puts Coco on the side of him, where she nuzzles up in the corner and shuts her eyes immediately. What does he have to tell me? I'm... I'm nervous. Is it bad? But he's smiling so it can't be that bad. But still, you never know, it could be anything. I have NO idea what it is.
Troy scoots a little closer to me, holding that smile on his face and I'm getting a little more nervous.
And then he leans in and kisses me, passionately, but it's only a peck.
He backs away and gives me another smile before saying anything else. "I never thought I'd be here right now... my first year of college, dating some girl I'm crazy about. Someone I wanna call to tell everything to, who I wake up every morning and think about and wanna spend every moment with. I just didn't think I'd find that... this young. But I have. And I've never been in love before so I don't know if it's all too soon or what, but I feel it, I know I do. And I just want to tell you that I love you... with everything inside of me, I love you and I want to continue loving you."
Oh my gosh.
WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!
Did my boyfriend just tell me he loves me? Am I dreaming? No, I'm not dreaming, right?
This is insane. Absolutely insane. Because just a week ago, I had that conversation with Sophia and I came to terms that I was madly in love with him and that I wanted him to know and wanted more than anything to have a future together. Because I love him.
I really do. I love him with my whole heart, with everything inside of me.
And now he's telling me this today. It's... crazy. But I do love him and like him, I've never been in love before, but I know this is love. I know it is.
"I love you, too," I tell him, grabbing his hand.
There was security there, for sure. I knew we were committed, I knew he was in this. But now it's just more real. He loves me and I love him and we're going to make this work. We're going to work at this relationship everyday and none of us have any plans of going anywhere any time soon and that's what it means to be in love. I love him. I do. And I don't care if I'm barely 19. I don't care that I'm in college and I'm supposed to be having fun and dating around. Or that it might all be too much too soon. But seven months of knowing someone, dating them for a majority of those months is enough time, right?
All I know is that I love Troy Bolton and I can't see myself stopping anytime soon.
"I'm not going anywhere," he tells me, grabbing my face with one hand, "I love you and I want to see where this goes."
And then we seal it with a kiss.
The most perfect kiss we've ever had together.