A/N: Wow, again, wow! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and to each of you that have followed and added this story to your favorites. Makes me absolutely giddy! We are about half way done with this story - a bit longer than I originally anticipated. You all have just made it so much fun to write, I've add more than I thought I would include in this one. Now, I know I said it was a slow burn in the description. I warned you before you started. I've given one kiss in 20 chapters. We are going to pick up the pace after this one so please bear with me... not much longer until we get to completely earn that M rating and in a good way! Here we go...
He knew she paused even if it was only for a moment, he knew she was looking at them. The fucking gift from his lousy bastard of a father. He enjoyed relished in providing correction a belt and apparently Daryl had been a horrible, insolent child. She would look and then the fucking pity would come. He couldn't take that today. Not after everything else that had happened, he couldn't take that from her. She should be pissed at him or a crumbling mess, but no, here she was fixing him and now she would look at him with sympathy too. He just couldn't do it, he couldn't see the commiseration in those beautiful blue eyes.
Daryl readied himself for questions as she finally spoke, coming around to the front of him again, "They're nice."
Confusion hit him hard but his pride refused to allow him to turn to look at her. "Who-what?"
Her voice was quiet as she answered him, "Your tattoos… What do they mean? I mean, is there a reason you got 'em?"
Daryl gave a little shrug and received a stab of pain for his carelessness. He couldn't stop his next words as they were ushered out of his mouth. "Drunk. Don't 'member. Woke up with 'em and Merle in Mexico years back." It was a partial truth. The lie escaped him before he even thought about it, the reason he just lied to the woman who had never been nothing but kind to him.
He had gotten the ink while was in Merle in Mexico on one of his runs. No need for him to tag along on his brother's felony trip. Bored, he had some to drink at bar, one he was able to go to now that Merle wasn't there to be banned, and wandered to the tattoo parlor next door. He remembered seeing the design on the wall, causing a sudden realization deep in him. It had spoken to him, made him see himself for the first time perhaps. The good and the bad in one being. Daryl always knew he wasn't his old man, the prick that he was, but he also knew wasn't completely an angel either. He'd done some bad shit in his life, stuff he wasn't proud of. The artist had told him the name of the creatures… daeva or something like that. All he knew was he was marked by the truth in him, the constant battle to do the right thing while choosing the wrong path occasionally.
"Oh," she uttered softly as she tightly secured the edge of the bandage with the white tape. Beth kept her head down, her messy blonde hair obscuring most of her features from his side view. Daryl watched her as she trailed a finger along the edge of the tape. He finally turned to her when he heard the change in her breathing. Her body shuddered once with a half breath before she started to sob. Her whole body trembled as she brought her hands to cover her face.
He knew she needed to, she needed to get it all out but it still didn't stop the feeling of uselessness inside of him as he watched the sobs wracking her small frame. He could feel the familiar stab of failure in his chest as she cried in front of him. Daryl wasn't exactly sure what do to help and offer comfort. They were foreign responses to him. He knew Merle would have told him to man the fuck up and Dixon's don't cry but neither of those seemed like the correct response. Then he remembered the storm, the fear she had then and instinct had taken over as he held her close.
Daryl followed that feeling, trusted it without thinking about the dangers of touching the weeping blonde angel as he reached out a hand out and placed it on her back. He pulled her thin body towards him slowly. She buried her face in his neck, her tears wetting his skin as another sob escaped her. Beth wrapped her arms around him gingerly, careful of his bruised ribs, but it still sent a small jolt of pain through him.
"It'll be alright," he murmured into her hair. It was the first thing that came into his head. He knew it was a lie, nothing was ever going to be right again in this fucked up world but it's what he figured she needed to hear a the moment.
She shook her head against his neck, turning her cheek to lay against his shoulder and sniffled. "Daryl, I killed two men. I shoulda been able to think of a better way… They're dead because of me… I killed 'em." Her small body shivered against him as the dark thoughts escaped her.
His voice was husky as he spoke, "You did whatcha had to do. Bad as you feel, there ain't no goin' back. You did what you had to do to survive and they deserved it."
She sniffled again and pushed harder into his shoulder. "I know, Daryl. I just… I just…" She started to cry again, her tears falling onto his bare shoulder.
He pulled her tighter into his fold, placing his other sore arm low around her waist. His shoulder groaned painfully but he ignored the protest. "You had no choice," he told her softly. He knew Beth should have had another option. She should have been able to run. He should have protected her from the men, he should have thought of a way. He should have been the one to do the killing, all of it. He should have never led her into that situation.
A couple more wracks of grief vibrated within her. "Always have a choice… should have thought… The bible says thou shall not kill…"
He growled at her spiritual anguish. "Shit, you did what you had to do. The bastards left you with no options," he grit out, knowing he was one of those bastards. "You don't need to be thinkin' about how you should have saved them. They made their choices and left you with none."
"I hear daddy's voice in my head. Turn the other check, Bethy. I know… I know he wouldn't have wanted…"
He pulled her back and cupped her chin, forcing her teary eyes to meet his. "Don't know what Hershel woulda said to you exactly, honey, but the man would not have wanted his daughter dead. I should've been there. I should've done something, Beth. This is my fault. I told you I would protect you and keep you safe. I didn't do my job. None… none of this is on your shoulders."
Beth shook her head but he continued nevertheless, "I should've done my job and kept you safe. M'sorry, honey. Sorry you had to do that."
She took in a deep stabilizing breath before she took his calloused hand from her chin and raised it to her cheek. She closed her eyes against the warmth of his hand against her cheek. The tear streaks were evident of her face and he could feel the wetness against his palm.
"Daryl, I… I was so scared today." She brushed her lips over the base of his thumb and opened her eyes. She stared at him with intent and pain filled eyes. "I didn't know what to do… they were hurting you and I had to… I thought I was going to lose you."
She stepped into him, bringing her body back against his. The feel of her body, even if it was just brushing against him, shot an urgency to the center of him. Her hand left his at her cheek and reached for his face, her thumb caressing his jaw line. She was careful to avoid the nasty purple bruises starting to form. He allowed himself, for just a moment, to relax into her touch, relishing in the contact.
"I couldn't…," she whispered with a tremor in her voice. "I couldn't lose you too." Beth leaned in and touched her lips to his. It was just a whisper of a kiss, her silken lips brushing against his torn one's. Later he would probably blame it on the concussion he probably had but he didn't want to break the moment as he felt her pull back, trying to end the kiss. He followed her, fully kissing her fully this time before reason could take hold and cupping his hand back and into her hair. The feel of her soft lips against his were everything he remember, sweet and wonderful and good. But Daryl felt the need for more. He wanted her close, more contact. He gripped the fabric at her back and pulled her to him, so that all of her was pressed to him, her little body settling between his legs that were draped over the edge of the cot. At the forceful movement, her lips parted slightly in a huff and she stiffened, placing a bracing hand to his chest. She froze against him, her lips leaving his but unable to pull further away from his embrace.
It was in that moment that Daryl remembered, his stomach clenching tightly. He knew it wasn't right and could never be. He couldn't believe he had let it happened between them… again. He needed to end this attraction between them before it went too far and destroyed her. Beth had no idea of what she as getting into, her pull back from him was proof of that fact. She really didn't want what he was offering. She couldn't, Beth was a too young to understand he wasn't an untested boy and nor was he a good man. He wasn't anything that she deserved but only what she'd had an abysmal connection to for months on end.
Daryl could handle his own draw to Beth but he would need her to stop to be able to control himself. He needed her to pull away and there was only one way to force that. A grinding ache dug deep into him as he knew what he must do. Still, it was hard for Daryl as he pulled back from her lips and dropped his head down low. He needed to drive a wedge between them before he changed his mind, before he let the bad take hold of them both.
He shifted back excruciatingly on the cot, ending the gratifying contact of their touching bodies. "What do you want from me," he whispered gruffly.
His jaw clenched as he felt her pull back further and he let his grip fall away. "I don't understand. I just… it was a lot," she returned, faltering, the confusion at the sudden mood change was evident in her soft voice.
He needed to say it now before he lost his courage. His voice was grated and thick when he answered her, "Shit. I'm old enough to your goddamn father. I askin' what the hell you think you want, Beth?" He raised his head and trained his eyes back to hers, cold and glaring.
Beth parted her lips in response but nothing came out. She took another shaky step back from him. Her eyes blinked back fresh tears as she dropped her gaze from the intensity of his.
His resolve was set, especially since she wasn't quick enough to answer. "Fuck," he scoffed at her with an angry shake of his head. "You don't even know what you want. You wanna know what I want?" Daryl cocked his head to the side, a dangerous glint appeared in his eyes as snarl settled on his bruised face. "I wanna good fuck. I wanna bury my goddamn dick in you so hard and fast that you'd scream with pleasure."
Beth gasped in response to his coarse words but it didn't stop Daryl but rather it was fuel for his fire. He had to drive it home. She needed to understand he wasn't what she wanted. He needed to make sure she would never come back to him, sweet and warm and tender.
Daryl pushed further, needing to end it quickly. "Pound ya 'till you can't walk the next day. Then I'll roll off of you and walk away. That's what I do, Beth, walk away. I don't do relationship crap. I don't hold hands and walk on the beach lookin' at the shitty sun set. I don't say sweet nothings in naïve teenage girls' ears. I fuck. Plain and simple. You think you want me. You don't. You just ain't had any other options, same as me."
Her eyes welled as the reality of his words filled her with shock and disgust. The rawness of the day was obvious on her startled face, pinching at her every nerve. She further backed away from the angry force in front of her.
He finished with a growl, thick and measured. "Just stop. Let it go, girl. You don't know what the fuck you'd be getting' yourself into. Just let it go… please."
A/N: Now before you hate me too much and send me angry words via a review... just remember the worse the fight, the better the make up ;)