A/N... "Where's that bitch Lilith?" You guys were one singular mind, one burning question. LOL You guys have trusted me this far, so please, please have patience. You know I wouldn't dare let that shit just slide, right? Good! So have faith, have a touch more patience, and let's check in on our healing Mercward.
This is rated M for Mercward crankiness, for sure, but a touch of citrusy goodness, too. I've been told to warn you that you will need TISSUES just for the first part of this chapter.
I'll let you get on with it, but see me at the bottom...
CHAPTER 21
EDWARD
As the sun set, I shifted on my crutches. I wasn't sure what I was feeling as Bethy, Bella, and the rest of the girls placed flowers on a freshly covered grave. My girls were beautiful and sad, and I wasn't sure what my daughter understood, because this was her first taste of the reality of life. This was her first funeral. I didn't know what she'd take away from it.
My own first taste came with the death of a grandparent at about her age, but it didn't really hit me until I lost my mother. I suddenly went from being a starry eyed kid, to seeing the world for what it really was – fucking cruel and harsh. At least, sometimes it could be fucking cruel. And then there were moments when I realized that the world would try to make shit back up to you by handing you something amazing to keep, to hold.
My leg gave a dull, deep throb, and I winced, shifting on my crutches again. It had been three days since Esme had removed the shrapnel in my leg. It had taken that long for everyone involved to catch up on sleep, because I'm pretty sure my wife wasn't the only one that had stayed up for practically two days straight. The men were no better. Those that had stuck around at the cabin had a shit-ton of work to do, cleaning up, making it look like something it actually wasn't – because technically, while Eleazar had the authority to capture and destroy a threat, he didn't have the authority to do it in another country – and accounting for every body that we'd left there. We'd destroyed them all, and then some. Walter's and Johnny Thornhill's bodies were both recovered, and it seemed even Lilith had fallen victim, because they'd found the burned remains of a woman inside the closet of the top floor bedroom. And there wasn't a life lost back at that fucking cabin that I had remorse over – except the man we were burying today.
I hadn't given much thought at the time as to why Sam had requested to be on my team, why he'd stuck to me like glue and watched my ass like a hawk. Apparently, he'd seen Bella's worry and taken it on as his own personal mission to make sure his "little one" got everything she ever wanted, and what she wanted most was me home safe. He knew that. And I was pretty fucking sure that Bella being pregnant just made him all the more protective of her, which by proxy, included me.
I shifted again, frowning down at the ground, until a warm hand landed lightly on my shoulder.
"You're in pain, son," Esme whispered, her eyes filled with concern. "Let's get you back and off that leg."
"When they're done, I'll go," I sighed, begging her silently to understand, which, of course, she did.
Bethy ran through the wildflowers, still holding a couple in her hands. She was wearing a sweet yellow dress, something that was a rarity for my little tomboy. I smiled down at her, hating the fucking fact that I couldn't kneel down to her level or scoop her up, so Esme did it for me, lifting her up for me.
"Did you see my flowers, Daddy?" she asked, holding them out for me.
"I did, little sweetness," I told her, leaning on one crutch and tucking the ones she had into her hair. "There... That's better."
"Mommy's sad," she whispered, looking back over her shoulder, and then back to me.
"She is," I agreed. "She's going to miss Mr. Sam. They were friends."
"Oh," she sighed, a little dip appearing between her brows.
She didn't say much else, but we all looked up when the girls walked away from the gravesite together.
Esme looked up at me, but jiggled Bethy. "Let's get Daddy back inside and off that leg of his, and we'll get you something to eat. What do you say?"
She smiled, glancing up at me. "Mommy says you hafta behave," she stated, pointing a finger at me.
"Don't I know it," I growled, leaning in to kiss her neck just to hear her giggle. It was the best fucking sound, and I needed it in my ears. It seemed too long since the last time I'd heard it, even though I was sure it had only been hours.
By the time I made it back to the living room, my whole body seemed to be covered in sweat. I was shaking with the exertion.
"Christ, son," my dad breathed, launching up from the chair and helping me to the sofa. "Too soon," he whispered in my ear.
"I couldn't not go," I hissed back at him. "He fucking saved my life, Dad."
He took my crutches, leaned them against the far wall, and helped me situate myself on the couch. "That's not what I meant," he growled back, aware that everyone was just around the corner in the kitchen. "I meant, they would've waited for you. They buried him the next day, but they were waiting on the funeral until you said so."
"Well, it's done now." I sighed in relief that my leg's throbbing had slowed down, my head falling back to the pillows behind me. "Bella needed closure."
"Maybe you did, too," he murmured, raising an eyebrow at me when my head shot up to look at him.
I exhaled roughly, shrugging one shoulder. "Maybe I did," I told him.
He frowned down at me. "You owe it to him not to feel guilty over this. He made a decision – one I, myself, am grateful for. He'd lived a long, dangerous life, killed many enemies. Let him go out with this most excellent of good deeds, Edward. You are living the life he never got to have. Give him that."
I wrinkled my nose and sighed again. I looked into the kitchen to see my daughter laughing with her uncles as everyone made their plates for lunch. My wife, though her grief was still there, was smirking at Emmett as he made a broccoli tree forest on his plate for Bethy's entertainment, using mashed potatoes as the foundation. Alec, of course, was dramatically insulted, because he'd cooked the food, which only resulted in a backhanded slap to Emmett's shoulder. And that exchange got the results they both wanted – laughter from all the girls.
I huffed a small laugh, glancing up at my dad. "You're right."
"I know I'm right. I'm old, and I've seen too much shit," he teased with a sharp laugh. "But I do know about this situation. Trust me. I knew Sam for a long time. Your life isn't the only one he saved – just the last one."
I nodded, swallowing thickly, because I was truly grateful. I just wished the man was around for me to thank.
"Oh," my dad said, before walking away. "And he left Bella a letter. Aunt Kate's supposed to give it to her today. I want to warn you. I don't know what's in it, but I'm sure it won't be easy for her."
"Oh, damn," I groaned. "Okay." I glanced past him to see Bella carrying a plate of food, heading my way. "Shh," I said, smacking at my dad to get out of the way. "Move! I've got this really hot nurse..."
"Who's gonna kick your ass if you keep that shit up," he chuckled, shaking his head and heading into the kitchen.
"Without a doubt," Bella giggled, sitting on the edge of the couch. "I'm not your nurse, Edward," she snorted, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah, but you'd look really fucking sexy in those white stocking things..." I purred, leaning in to kiss her neck with an open mouth.
"Keep it up, baby," she warned, raising a very dangerous eyebrow at me and setting the plate of food on my chest. "It's a long time before you're cleared for any...physical activity."
"Dammit," I grumbled, my head falling back to the pillows. "Fucking tease... This is torture. That's it! You're a teasing torture," I told her, pouting like a child, but I couldn't help but smile when she laughed.
"Eat, Edward," she chuckled. "You need the protein, Esme said. You lost a fair amount of blood, and you need your strength back."
I opened my mouth to say something about strength and stamina and protein, but snapped it closed again when she gave me the "if you don't fucking cut that shit out while everyone's in the room" glare. I smiled instead, picking up my fork.
"Thank you, baby," I sang, blinking innocently up at her as she stood up.
"Mmhm," she said, pursing her lips. "Behave, Edward."
I grinned, because God, I just loved her, loved messing with her. Sometimes, she was easy to rattle, and other times, she could probably kick my ass for it. And then there were times when she could turn my bullshit around on me, and that was when she truly was a teasing torture. But it was us, and I think she secretly adored it.
By the time I'd taken my third bite, everyone had gathered in the living room. It was just our crew. Our family. Eleazar and his men were still going strong, making sure that everything was getting cleaned up under the guise of a drug deal gone wrong, or a meth lab explosion, or some shit. We trusted him completely to keep us out of it, to tell us if anything was fucked up, and to call us if he had any problems. He also was working on shutting down the Georgia and Florida D.O.A. groups. He wanted them all dispersed.
Bethy sat on the floor, setting her plate on the coffee table in front of Esme. My dad, Alec, Jasper, and Emmett dragged a few chairs in from the dining room, and the rest of the girls all squeezed in to the loveseat. I felt badly that I took up the whole sofa, but no one was complaining. Bella came back to me, sitting back down on the edge of the couch by my hip.
Conversations ranged from future plans, to baby showers – which caused my wife to positively beam – to how soon Gravity would start taking cases after my recovery. It was a subdued celebratory mood in the room. We so wanted to be happy that the shit was over, but Sam's absence was never more obvious than in these moments. Even though he was a quiet man by nature, he would almost absorb the laughter, the teasing, the snarky remarks like a sponge, usually from the back of the room as he wore a silly ass smile on his face.
When plates were cleared away, I pulled Bella as close as I could, watching Bethy through the doorway as she played with her dollhouse on the dining room table. Bella leaned back against my chest, and I couldn't help but pull her closer, placing my hand on her stomach. Again, I was fucking grateful that I was there, that I was just fucking able to touch my girls, my new little one.
"Let me know if I hurt you," she said softly as talk of baseball waged around us, my dad flipping on the TV to the game.
"You're okay," I whispered against her head, dropping a kiss and inhaling the flowery/fruity smell of her.
And she was okay. Hell, she hardly weighed much to me to begin with, but my leg was propped up on a pillow, safely caged against the soft cushions of the couch.
She laid her head on my chest, resting her chin on her hands. "Did you mean what you said?" she asked, giggling when I raised an eyebrow at her.
"About how sexy you'd be in a nurse's uniform? Yes!" I said with a cheesy grin.
"No, you ass!" she laughed softly. "About building a new room for the baby."
I chuckled, simply because I loved that sound coming from her, but I answered her honestly. "Yeah, I think it would be best. Don't you? I mean, we've got the room to expand, we'll need the spare room for my dad and Esme...or whoever, and this one will need their own space. I can't imagine them sharing a room, baby," I told her, jerking my chin toward Bethy. "That's like throwing Daniel into the lions' den."
Bella grinned, giving our daughter a loving glance, but turned back to me. "She is an independent soul, huh?"
My eyes fell to Bethy, who was completely content to play by herself, though she loved it when she was with us, too. She hummed, moved dolls from the first floor to the second floor and back again. Her eyes were happy, green, and I could see the beginning stages of a habit that she shared with her mother – she was biting her bottom lip.
I smiled and shook my head. "She gets that from us both," I stated, because I was just as content when I was in my wood shop.
"Mmhm," Bella hummed with a nod. "Everyone keeps telling me that we need a boy," she giggled.
"That would be...amazing, but honestly, I don't care," I chuckled, giving a glance over to Emmett, who was making silly faces at Caleb and smiling when tiny hands smacked at his face in excitement, only to turn him around to tell him about the game on TV. "As long as you are healthy and he or she is healthy...I'm so fucking good that it's not even funny."
Bella nodded. "Yeah, that's kinda how I feel about it, too." She sighed, giving another long look over to Bethy. "We need to tell her. She's going to pick up on things soon. She's not stupid."
I huffed a laugh. "No, she's definitely not stupid. She scares me, actually. She'll be smarter than us soon; mark my words."
Bella giggled again. "You're probably right."
I took a deep breath and let it out. Somehow, telling Bethy that she was going to be a big sister made it all real. But I didn't just want to blurt it out.
"We need to...plan that conversation, love," I started, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind Bella's ear. "Just the two of us – alone – a day just for her or something. I don't want it thrown at her. She's still so clingy to us after all she's been through."
"I agree," Bella sighed. "I was thinking...when you're better... Why don't we take her to that little clearing where your birdhouses are? A picnic, away from the house."
We knew we were staying at Aunt Kate's for at least a few weeks. We had no choice, until I was stronger. I needed to be able to fly us home, and at this point, I couldn't even pull my ass up into the pilot seat. I hated being injured, but we couldn't be at a better place for my recovery.
"Yeah," I said slowly, loving the fuck out of that idea. "Perfect, sweetness," I whispered, lifting my head just enough in order to kiss her lips. "I like it."
I glanced up when Aunt Kate entered the room, my heart sinking at the sight of a folded piece of paper in her hand. I wasn't sure what Sam could have said to my wife, but I didn't want her upset, either. The room came to a standstill when she knelt in front of Bella.
"Bella-child, Sam left this for you," she said softly, her eyes a deep blue with grief.
Bella sat up, a dip appearing between her brows and a long nervous sigh escaping her. She took the note, turning to me, but all I could do was run my hand over her hair and down her back.
"You don't have to read it now, love," I told her, and it seemed to echo in the crowded room. "You can wait."
Bella shook her head and thanked Aunt Kate. I wasn't sure how long she stared at that innocent looking piece of fucking paper, but she finally unfolded it, holding it so that I could read it over her shoulder. She skimmed through it, and then read it aloud to everyone in the room.
Dear Miss Bella,
If you're reading this, please don't be sad for me, little one. I regret many things in my life, but I don't regret this. I just hope that I succeeded in my promise to you and that Edward's reading this with you.
I didn't have a wife or children, but I could see in you the little girl I'd always imagined...smart, sweet, and so very open. I didn't have much family to speak of, but what I did have was the chance to work alongside a group of the best soldiers, the smartest women, and the closest friends I'd ever had. My only wish was that I'd known some of you longer than I did.
When we met the first time, after all that you'd been through, it shocked me that my face didn't send you running, but for the first time in many, many years, someone saw me...really saw me. I will forever be grateful for that, little one.
I couldn't go into this fight, knowing how upset you were, knowing that you were about to bring another precious life into this world, and allow that happiness to shatter, should something happen to Edward. I've lived a long and sometimes lonely life, so I couldn't let that happen to you. You don't deserve it; in fact, you never deserved any of the bad things that have happened to you. So I had to make sure the one thing that made you the happiest came back to you.
Do not feel guilty. Do not feel sad. I've never asked you for anything, little one, but I'm asking that you take this gift without guilt and run with it. Live. Love. Be happy. For me. And tell Little Eddie to take extra care of you, because I give you my permission to stomp him if he doesn't.
Thank you, Miss Bella, for making me remember the man behind the scars,
Sam
Bella's voice hitched on his name, and I pulled her to me as best I could. I knew he'd cared about her, but I wasn't ever quite sure how he saw her. Now that I did, my respect for him exploded. He saw her as his own, he saw her like my own father saw her, and he saw her as someone that had walked through hell and deserved to never have to suffer it again.
Suddenly, my chest felt lighter, because he'd prepared himself for exactly what had happened. He had gone into the fight by my side, but wholly my protector, if only to send me home to her.
I glanced around the room, my eyes locking with my dad's. With one nod, I told him he was right, and I silently sent Sam a final thank you.
~oOo~
BELLA
"Edward Cullen, stop squirming," I scolded him, glaring up from changing the bandage on his leg.
"I can't help it," he grumped, frowning down at me. "It fucking itches and tickles every time you do this shit. And I think you're doing it on purpose."
I fought my smile and won, because if he thought for a second that I was laughing at him, he would only get crankier. We'd learned the hard way that changing his bandages needed to be done at night, after Bethy was in bed, and while no one could hear his complaints, because the first few changes had been pretty bad. He was sore to the touch, the muscle ached, and he was already over just sitting around. My husband didn't just sit around. So add in bored to all of the above, and he was a real ray of fucking sunshine still a week and a half after he'd been hurt.
"I'm not doing it on purpose, baby," I said in the most calm and placating tone I could muster. "I have to wrap the gauze all the way around your leg. It keeps it clean."
He harrumphed, rolling his eyes at me. "The least you could do is move your hand a few inches over."
I sighed, finally allowing my eyes to take him in. My poor, poor insatiable husband was having...problems. And the worst part was that I wanted it just as badly, but we couldn't. Any sudden movement to his leg, and he would cry out. His stitches were still so very tender, and I didn't want him breaking any of them. I couldn't even imagine explaining that to Esme, though I'm sure with as agitated as Edward had been lately, she'd almost need no explanation.
I locked gazes with dark and needy – a deep green filled with carnal knowledge so vast that my girly parts ached for him. My whole body yearned for him. My entire being wanted nothing more than to give in to him, to use him to calm my raging hormones, to revel that he was alive and still mine, and allow my desire to make him feel good. I wanted nothing more, but I couldn't risk hurting him further, and I absolutely cringed every time he winced in pain.
"Don't," I groaned, shaking my head. "Don't do that, Edward. That's not fair." I whispered the last three words, going back to his bandage. "I don't fucking like it any more than you do."
He shut up after that, his remorseful, but hungry eyes watching me as I secured the gauze wrap, gathered up the old dressing, and got up to throw it away in the bathroom.
I wasn't mad at him, though he hadn't exactly been pleasant all day, because he'd watched all of us work around him on the farm. Edward didn't like to feel helpless, so the more work that got done around him, the surlier he became. And when my husband was feeling off kilter, he liked to drown it in me, and therein lied the problem. He couldn't.
It wasn't like we hadn't tried, because Edward and I were desperate for each other, but the first time I'd touched him, he'd hissed in pain. That had been a few days after Sam's funeral, and even though Edward was getting stronger every day, I couldn't stand the thought of hurting him, of causing further damage.
I ignored his stare as I left the room and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge in the kitchen and the pain meds from the cabinet – which were now over the counter, because Edward refused anything stronger. I came back in the room, dumped both items on his nightstand, and locked myself in the bathroom in order to stop myself from giving into him. In all reality, I needed a cold fucking shower, because a needy Edward just did things to me, but instead, I tossed my hair up into a messy bun and quickly showered the day away.
By the time I stepped back into the bedroom, dressed for bed in one of Edward's t-shirts and a pair of his boxers, the deep, hungry need in his eyes had been replaced with a childlike sadness.
"Y-You're m-mad a-at m-me," he sputtered, looking down at his hands and back up at me.
"I'm not mad..." I snapped, closing my eyes, because it damn well sounded like I was. "I'm not," I sighed, shaking my head to clear it, because that sound – that sweet, honest stutter – could quite possibly be my undoing. I rubbed my temple, before taking out a few pills. "Here. It's time for these," I instructed, finally allowing myself another glance at him.
"I-If I t-take th-these, w-will y-you s-sit w-with m-me?" he bargained sweetly, though I didn't answer him right away. "We can put the TV on or something. I promise to behave."
I finally chuckled at him, because God, it must suck to be bored all damn day, in pain – and knowing Edward like I did – horny. I chuckled again at that last thought.
"Yeah, baby," I said with a nod, and immediately, he downed the pills and half the bottle of water. "Just let me check on Bethy, and I'll be right back. Find something good on," I told him, putting the remote from his nightstand into his hands.
Bethy was sound asleep, her little body curled around Mr. Bunny. She'd had a busy day, along with the rest of us, but the only brief break in Edward's bad mood had been given to us by her. She'd fed him lunch with a sweet smile and giggle. She'd perched herself on the arm of the recliner and fed him chicken nuggets one by fucking one, even going as far as dipping them in sauce for him.
The only light in the bedroom was the bluish glow of the TV when I walked back in the room. I crawled gently into my side of the bed.
"Your lunch partner is out cold," I told him, unable to not lay my head on his chest to watch TV. It would've been like trying to sever a limb.
He chuckled. "She insisted on feeding me," he said softly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and dropping a long, heavy kiss to the top of my head.
"She just wants to take care of you. You've ingrained it into her head that if you ignore the pain, it doesn't exist," I explained, because she basically had told me that when she stole his lunch plate and ran off with it. "She wanted to distract you."
I felt his smile against the crown of my head, but he didn't say anything. He'd apparently found a marathon of my favorite crime show, and we watched in silence for a little while. I was pretty sure I wasn't following the plot – at all – because I was hyper-aware of him. I knew what he wanted, and I could almost feel it rolling just beneath the surface of his smooth, warm skin. I could feel in the hand that rubbed my back from between my shoulder blades to just this shy of my ass, grazing his fingers along the skin exposed at the small of my back due to my shirt riding up. I could feel it in the way that he played with my fingers, feeling each one, tracing my bones, my palm, my wrist.
It was pure control between us. I almost wanted to laugh about it, if I didn't need him so much. I was willing to take what I was getting at just that moment, until the scene changed on the screen. Two cops, obviously forever attracted to one another, finally consummated their relationship, and it was all on screen.
Edward's whole body tensed, his fingers linked with mine, but I wanted to groan when the hand on my back slipped just under the waistband of the boxers I was wearing. My own hand skimmed up the muscles of his stomach to his chest, where I balled it up into a fist, fighting the last thin thread of my control. I wanted to arch back against the hand on my ass, I wanted to grind against his uninjured leg, and I wanted to fucking kiss him senseless. I realized there was no fighting it. I just didn't know how we could do it.
My head shot up, and Edward pulled his touch away quickly.
"I-I'm s-sorry, l-love," he whispered, looking contrite, but the stutter was all I could take.
"Fuck," I hissed, giving up all hope and diving for his mouth.
There was no preamble to this kiss. No starting pecks, no nips, no chaste beginnings to it whatsoever. It was open and wet, needy and deep. It was out of control, with tongues slipping together. Hums, whimpers, and sweet deep moans gushed from us both, and I practically used my grip on his hair to pull myself up closer to his face. It took all I fucking had not to crawl on top of him, straddle him.
His strong fingers wove into my hair at the side of my head at the same time his hand glided completely into my boxers. Gripping and squeezing, he kneaded my bottom until I was beginning to sweat as I fought everything in me.
I broke away from his mouth, and we were panting as I pressed my forehead to his. "How?" I growled breathlessly. "Just... How, dammit?"
I thought he would laugh at my desperation, but he didn't. He seemed to take some sort of mental inventory, as his eyes never left mine. I'd considered the sixty-nine position, but I knew he'd never be able not to move with that one. Plus, I didn't want to stop fucking kissing him.
We seemed to be on the same page, because he barely blurted out, "God, please just touch me," before crashing back into me.
His rough, calloused hands skimmed up my shirt, bunching it up until we finally broke for air, and then he tugged it off over my head. By now, I was kneeling next to his torso, my hand ghosting down his chest and slipping under the waistband of his boxers.
I whimpered, pulling back to look down at his cock, because Holy fucking God, he was hard. "Edward," I breathed, arching closer to him when his hands splayed on my back, bringing my chest closer to his mouth.
"That won't take long, sweetness," he murmured, locking eyes with me as his mouth captured my nipple. "God, I just fucking want you..." he mumbled against my skin.
With that said, his teeth dragged over my nipple, causing me to hiss. Skimming his hands down my back, he pushed at my shorts until they were down around my knees as I knelt beside him. My own hand wrapped around his cock, and he twitched hard and heavy in my hand at the same time his fingers discovered just how much I'd been holding back.
"Jesus," he gasped, looking up at me as his middle finger circled my very wet entrance. "Fuck, baby," he groaned as my hand gripped him firmly, gliding up and down his shaft. He slipped one hand back into my hair, nipping roughly at my neck. "Goddamn, slow down, sweetness. I want to take care of you, too. Please, please come for me hard and fast."
He sank two fingers deep inside of me, causing my rhythm on his cock to falter as my head fell back. His thumb swirled heavily over my clit, causing my hips to grind against his hand. I pressed myself harder and harder against him.
My free hand gripped his neck, and I bit down on my lip when his fingers curled inside me, hitting that amazing spot that only he could touch.
"Mm, look at you," he crooned, his eyes dark and gleaming. "So fucking beautiful..." A sweet but cocky half smile quirked up on his beautiful face. "Oh, baby...just fucking come for me. I've never been so damn close..."
Suddenly, I realized that this was so much like our beginning, a time when I could barely let him touch me, that my breathing caught hard in my throat. My climax hit me hard and fast, just like he wanted, but with it came gratefulness, love, and a deluge of overwhelming memories. All of it crashed down over me like a tidal wave, because I really didn't know how I'd have lived without the man in my arms that was currently telling me how fucking gorgeous I was and that he loved me. I just didn't. He was my rock, and I was his.
I hid my face from him by burying my nose in his hair at the side of his head, because I could feel the sob building in the back of my throat. I could also feel him close – really close – and he came with a soft rumble to his voice, my name mixed in with a plethora of curse words. I felt his warm arms slip around me, his breathing heavy, but the tense, stiff feeling of his muscles was completely gone.
And my sob ripped through me.
"Baby... did I hurt you?" he asked, immediately trying to pull me back to look at me.
I wasn't having it. I clung to him, wrapping my arm around his head and almost gripping his hair as I just inhaled him, everything about him. Maybe it was just hitting me how close I'd come to losing him, and maybe it was the hormones, but fuck, I didn't care, and I wasn't really sure it mattered.
"No," I cried, finally letting him peel me off his head.
I went no farther than his face, grasping it gently in both hands. He was so fucking handsome, but it wasn't just his looks; it was that deep green that was gazing up at me, helpless as to why I was crying. It was the young boy looking up at me that I'd met so long ago. It was all the history we had that could have just fucking disappeared in the blink of a fucking eye.
"I just... Shit, I don't know," I groaned, kissing his lips roughly. "I could've lost you," I said weakly, sniffling a bit. "I can't..." I huffed a deep, deep breath, trying to relax, but it only took one thing said from him to make it all better.
"But you didn't," he soothed softly, lightly tracing his fingers across my cheeks, tucking my hair back, and wiping my tears away – a constant comforting touch and something he'd been doing for me for what seemed like a lifetime. It grounded me, made me focus on him and the reality, not the panic.
I nodded, closing my eyes when he kissed my forehead, my cheek, and my nose. "I know." I slowly calmed down, letting his touches and sweet kisses do the job. "I love you," I whispered.
He chuckled softly. "Oh, sweetness, I love you, too."
"I need to get you something to clean up," I muttered, smirking when he grinned like an idiot, because he'd gotten his way. I wanted to roll my eyes at him as I tugged my t-shirt back on and pulled up my boxers, but I couldn't, because the harsh edge around his eyes, the clench to his jaw that had been there for the last few days and that had slowly increased all day – it was all gone.
He let me go, and I grabbed a towel from the bathroom, handing it over to him. When he was finished, I took the towel back, tossing it in the dirty clothes. By the time I came back, he was wincing and shifting around.
I came to a standstill and grimaced as I watched him, worrying my bottom lip. "I think the more important question is...did I hurt you?"
"No, baby," he grunted as he shifted again, gesturing to the bed for me to join him. "I just want to hold you, and I needed to move to do that."
"'Kay," I said, sounding a little like Bethy, but I didn't like him in pain, so I didn't move yet.
"Your sweet ass here. Now. Quit worrying," he ordered, pointing to the spot beside him again, but it was laced with a laugh and topped off with a sweet smile.
I grinned, crawling in bed beside him and letting him pull me closer, mold me to where was most comfortable for him, which was his healthy side, his chest, his shoulder. Snuggling into his neck, I felt the last of my freakout ebb away, but it completely vanished when Edward started talking.
"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere...obviously," he whispered against my cheek. "I'm okay, and thank you."
I giggled a bit at the thank you. "I'm sorry..."
"I'm not," he sighed, kissing my cheek again, his fingers making slow circles over my shoulder and back. "I get it. It was a fucking scary close call."
I nodded, running my hand down his arm. I could tell by his voice that he still felt a little guilty over Sam, despite the letter he'd left us, telling us not to be. And there was a part of me that wondered if both of us would always look at each other and just...know – know that we'd been given a true gift.
I hugged him closer and nodded again. I tilted my head just a bit in order to kiss his jaw. "I'm just really glad I have you."
"Me, too, love."
With one last kiss to my forehead, with one more nuzzle to his neck, we both sighed contentedly, pretty much falling asleep instantly.
~oOo~
"Here, Daddy," Bethy chirped, handing Edward a bottle of water.
He couldn't kneel down to her yet, but he braced his hand on the cross bar of the fence to bend over, kissing the top of her head and putting all his weight on his strong leg.
"Thank you, little sweetness," he said, uncapping the bottle and practically draining the whole thing.
He was just in a pair of jeans, work boots, and his backwards baseball cap, despite the coolness of the evening. I bit my lip as droplets of water dripped down his chest, only to disappear into the top of those jeans – into where I had limited access as of late, due to his injury.
"Where's mine?" Jasper laughed, holding out his hands dramatically. "What am I? Chopped liver?"
"Sorry, Unca Jazz!" she giggled, running across the yard, up the steps, and into the house, only to bolt out the screen door with another bottle.
"Gosh!" Jasper scoffed teasingly, rolling his eyes and taking the bottle from her. "Do I have to hobble around here like some people to get better service?" he asked, jerking a thumb behind him.
Edward laughed, shaking his head and grabbing the next replacement board for the fence he and Jasper were working on.
"No!" she giggled, and before she could move, Jasper scooped her up and tickled her relentlessly. "Stop!" she squealed happily, her little legs kicking.
I chuckled at the sight, because it didn't take long to draw Poppy, Uncle Alec, and Uncle Emmett into the situation. Soon, they were all loving on her, asking her where their water was, and I couldn't resist.
"Elizabeth Renee," I yelled from my seat on the front porch. "You tell those boys to get their own water. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean you have to serve them."
Her eyes lit up, and the green sparkled into sharp mischief. She spun to all of them, pointing a warning finger. "Yeah, wh-what Mommy s-said!" she snapped, turning on her heel to walk toward me.
Edward beamed with pride, saying nothing as the boys groaned and muttered shit under their breath. I caught phrases like "women's lib" and "bra burning bullshit." I giggled, wrapping up my girl when she made it to me.
"That's my girl," I praised her, pulling her into my lap.
"Except for Daddy, right?" she whispered with a giggle.
"That's right. Except for Daddy," I chuckled, kissing her forehead. "You take him whatever you want to take him, pretty girl."
She'd spoiled him endlessly since he'd been hurt. She lived to care for him, make him laugh, and take his mind off the pain, which had slowly decreased. We'd been at the farm now for about three weeks, and Edward was healing pretty quickly. He limped, because the muscle in his leg was weak, but mending. The stitches had come out a few days ago, leaving a scar, but I'm not sure Edward gave the thing much thought. He didn't need the crutches anymore, but he wasn't exactly running around, although he could do small chores now, which helped his crankiness level. He was limited on kneeling down, bending, and heavy lifting, not to mention steps and stairs were a challenge, but all in all, he was well on his way to recovery.
"Swing, Mommy," Bethy requested, picking up a lock of my hair and playing with it.
"Sure, baby," I said, standing up with her in my arms. I sat down on the swing, keeping her straddling my lap.
Bethy focused more on trying to braid a lock of my hair than looking at me. My heart seemed to expand every time I held her like this. She was such a beautiful girl, and at this point, the blend of Edward and me was starting to create a look that was just...Bethy. Her green eyes were framed with long, dark eyelashes, like Edward's, but their shape was like mine. It didn't matter that she had my nose and freckles, or Edward's crooked little smile, because she was starting to lose that baby look, starting to look like a big girl, instead. She was growing up, and it excited me and scared me, but I also wondered what kind of big sister she'd make, what kind of teenager, and then grown woman. I shook my head at the thought.
"What did you do with Mr. Tom and Mr. Obie today?" I asked her, because she'd taken Mickey's hand just after breakfast and had been busy ever since.
"Gave Goliaff and S-Samson a baff," she stated as I brushed her long hair off of her shoulders, sweeping my fingers through it down her back. "And then we got a place ready for Maia to have puppies."
I grinned, because Maia was from Tia's last litter, the dog that I'd cared for the first time I'd come to the farm. Tia was no longer with us, but Maia looked just like her, which was most likely the reason Aunt Kate had kept her.
"Yeah?" I asked, smiling at her fervent nod. "Did they say how long?"
Bethy shrugged one shoulder. "Mr. Obie said soon."
"Well, you wanted to see puppies before we came here. Guess you're getting that wish, huh?"
"Yeah," she said slowly, beaming like the best of sunny days.
As I gazed down at her happy face, I realized we needed to tell her about the new baby, and soon. We'd put it off, and everyone had done a pretty good job of not speaking about my being pregnant in front of her, but I was afraid it would happen eventually. She was aware of where babies came from, but not how they got there. I was hoping to use that to our advantage when we finally did let her in on the news.
I pushed the swing with my toe, tugging Bethy closer. She laid her head on my shoulder, nuzzling her forehead to my neck like she used to do when she was a baby. The gentle swinging and my fingers through her hair were slowly putting my baby girl out. I smiled, kissing the top of her head when a sweet, deep contented sigh pushed out against my skin.
"Dinner's almost read... Oh," Esme said, cutting off when she saw Bethy was asleep. She smiled, sitting down next to me.
"I think Mickey wore her out today," I said softly, my fingers gliding gently up and down her back. "I'll wake her for dinner. Otherwise, she'll be up at the crack of dawn."
Esme chuckled and nodded, turning her attention to the fence repairs not far away. "He's getting stronger. Can he fly yet?" she asked, turning back to me.
"He says no," I said with a shrug. "Honestly, I just think it hurts to get in."
"Or maybe he wants to be strong enough to take care of you when he gets you home," she suggested, wearing that wise, knowing expression she had when a conversation may be more than just a chat.
"You might be right," I allowed, placing another kiss to Bethy's head. "That wouldn't surprise me."
"And she needs to know," Esme added, raising an eyebrow at me.
I nodded, inhaling Bethy's hair. She smelled like hay and little girl and sunshine. "I was just thinking about it. We wanted to do it together...alone. Spend the day with her, you know?"
"You should do it before you go home, sweetheart," she sighed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Give her time to get used to the idea."
I nodded again, agreeing wholeheartedly. "She's smart, but she's selfish when it comes to me and Edward. I just hope she can get used to it quickly."
"Hmm," Esme mused, running a hand lightly down Bethy's hair and back. "Maybe use Caleb as an example. She's been really good with him."
"Is this an...I want a boy thing?" I snickered.
"No, it's a...she's used to a baby around the house thing," she teased, winking at my soft laugh. "She's had no choice, because Caleb has been practically living with us since he was born."
"Huh," I sighed, nodding slowly. "I hadn't thought of that."
"But I still want a boy," Esme whispered conspiratorially, causing me to giggle.
My gaze slipped to the fence, watching my husband begin to clean up for the day. At least he was trying to help. I watched as he flinched, turning too quickly, almost dropping the two boards in his hand. Carlisle took them from him and set them down, pointing to the house with one hand and squeezing Edward's shoulder with the other. I didn't have to hear the conversation to know that he had just been told to call it a day. The man didn't say it aloud, but I knew that Edward's close call the night of the fight had scared the ever loving shit out of his dad. It was all over his face every time he looked at him the first few days of Edward's recovery.
Edward gingerly made his way toward the house, his limp pronounced, but not enough that he needed help. When he got to the steps, Esme got up and ran to him.
"I've got this," he grunted, gripping the post.
"And I've got you," she laughed, wrapping an arm around his waist. "No need to kill yourself all damn day, son. I know you want to be mean and tough, but that'll be hard to accomplish when you're flat on your ass."
He grinned, because she just did that to him. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he leaned on her to get up the four steps of the front porch. I snickered softly at the two of them, smothering it into Bethy's hair. He exhaled roughly once he'd made it to the top, his eyes glancing up to me. All pain or weariness faded at the sight of his daughter out like a light.
"Oh, my girls," he chuckled softly, his brow furrowed as he made his way to us. "Man, she's just...gone!" he whispered.
"Sit and rest," Esme told him. "I'll call everyone in when dinner's ready."
I stopped the swing long enough for Edward to sit down next to us. I held back my groan when he wrapped an arm around me, because God, I loved the smell of him when he'd worked around wood all day. It was sweet, like fresh cut lumber, heavy, like all man, and comforting, like the smell of your own pillow.
I leaned my head back to his arm, turning toward him in order to receive a sweet kiss. "She just sort of...settled in," I giggled, rubbing Bethy's back. "I'll wake her up in a minute, but I miss holding her like this."
Edward grinned, kissing the side of my head. He placed his palm flat on his daughter's head, and then brushed a lock of hair from her face. I watched him as he just looked at her. The unconditional love there was just breathtaking. I don't even think he was aware of the fact that it was written all over his face.
Unable to resist, I leaned over, kissing his jaw. "Are you working on that tomorrow?" I asked him, jerking my chin toward the fence.
He shrugged, bending his arm and setting his head on his hand. "I suppose."
"Well, can you cut out early or go in late?" I giggled, like it was real damn job.
He chuckled. "Stealing me away, are you?"
"We are," I told him with a nod. "It's time to tell her, Edward." Realizing that we'd discussed having that particular conversation in the little clearing, I spoke quickly. "We don't have to go out there if you aren't up to it, but we need to tell her."
He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Tomorrow," he said with a nod. "I think the clearing would work. I could ride Samson out there. He has a smoother gait."
"You sure?"
"Yeah...I mean, I use my strong leg to get on and off, so it should be okay," he said, shrugging one shoulder. He paused for a moment, and then locked gazes with me. "I-I'd l-like t-to d-do i-it th-there," he sputtered sweetly.
"Okay." I didn't argue with that. At all. I knew it was an important, private place to him, and this was a very important, private conversation we were going to have as a family, so I let him make the call. "The clearing, it is."
"She can ride with you," he added, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. He turned to me, kissing me again, only this time, it was deeper – a sweep of his tongue, a graze of his teeth. "Been wantin' to do that all damn day," he whispered in my ear, before sitting back.
He winced sharply, shaking his head.
"Bath for you later, mister," I ordered, frowning at him, even though he was chuckling. I worried that he'd pushed too hard, too fast, and I couldn't slow him down if I tried, but I could make sure that he didn't wake up the next morning feeling like he'd been run over by a train.
Bethy shifted a little at the sound of his laughter, and I figured it was a good of time as any to wake her.
"Hey, sleepy girl," I crooned, touching her face, her back, and her hands. "Wake up, baby. You need dinner and bath..."
She pushed herself up, using my shoulders. "Hi, Daddy," she said, yawning adorably.
"Hi, sleeping beauty," he chuckled, cupping her face. "There's a rumor going around, little sweetness," he started, pulling her to him.
"Huh?" she muttered sleepily, but went to him willingly.
"I hear that Aunt Kate made your favorite dinner," he whispered to her.
Her eyebrows shot up so fast, I couldn't help but laugh.
"Chilwi dogs?" she whispered back, grasping his face as if she could force the truth from him.
"That very thing," he chuckled. "You know...she's the one who taught me how to make the chili in the first place..."
She grinned up at him, biting at her bottom lip. "But will you make mine for me?"
"Oh, yeah!" he sang back to her. "Like I could let someone mess it up," he scoffed, rolling his eyes at her dramatically.
I laughed at the two of them, standing up from the swing. "Come on, my sillies. Let's get hands washed and help Aunt Kate and Esme with the table," I said, scooping Bethy up off of Edward's lap, because he couldn't stand with her yet – something I know bothered him greatly. I smooched at her neck loudly, causing her to squeal and giggle, and then set her down. "Go wash those hands, Bethy. I don't even want to know all that you've touched today!" I yelled, as she was already yanking open the screen door.
I held out my hand, offering it to him to help him up. He took it, and together, we had him standing. He wrapped an arm around me, and I could tell he was tired.
"What did she touch all day?" he asked with a chuckle.
"Don't ask," I snorted, shaking my head and opening the screen door, "but don't be surprised if in a week or so, she isn't asking for a puppy."
He groaned, shaking his head, but walked on into the house. "Yeah...'cause that's just what we need..."
I smacked his ass and laughed. "Exactly, but consider yourself warned."
~oOo~
EDWARD
"You made these, Daddy?" Bethy asked as she wandered slowly around the clearing.
She was so fucking cute. We'd woken to a chilly morning, so she was dressed in jeans, sneakers, and a little gray FBI hoodie that Wes had given her, which Bella loved for her to wear. Her hands were shoved deep into her front pouch pocket as she gazed up at the birdhouses I'd made for my mother.
"I did, baby," I said, looking around with her. "A long time ago..." My voice trailed off, because the place just meant something to me.
It was the place my mother liked to escape, the place she'd bring me when there was a serious talk ahead of us, like my dad getting shipped back out, or her cancer, or even just to ask me how school was. And it was the reason I'd wanted to bring Bethy here for this conversation.
I turned to see Bella tying the horses off to the side. We didn't run them, so they were still full of energy.
"Come on, little sweetness. Help me with the blanket." I held out my hand, and she took it, keeping pace with me as I limped to the picnic basket. "We don't need you and Mommy getting cold, right?"
"No," she giggled, shaking her head.
As she helped me spread out the blanket, I realized I was fucking clueless as to how to tell her. I glanced up at Bella, who seemed to be well aware of my discomfort.
"We'll just be simple and honest, baby," she soothed, rubbing my arm. "Do you need help sitting?"
I shook my head and slowly maneuvered my body to the blanket, groaning when my leg gave a jolt. I'd been warned by Esme that the sharp, stinging zaps of pain that I felt were my nerve endings reattaching. The dull throbbing ache was my muscle rebuilding, strengthening. Honestly, it all fucking hurt, but it was nice to know the difference.
Bella pulled out a thermos, pouring the three of us hot chocolate, simply because she missed coffee like a bitch and had to have something to replace it.
If I didn't know what to say, it sure seemed Bella did, because she asked Bethy a question that I wasn't expecting.
"Pretty girl, how do you like having baby Caleb around?"
I smiled, hiding it behind my mug, as Bethy's face scrunched up as she thought it over. A wide range of emotions seemed to play on her face – disgust, intrigue, humor. It was all there, but the answer was hilarious.
"He smells funny," she stated with a shrug.
Bella and I laughed, and I nudged Bethy with my shoe, because I caught on to where Bella was coming from. "Yeah, but I think what Mommy's asking is... What would you think if there was another baby like Caleb around?"
Bethy shrugged, indifferent to the question. "Caleb's always around."
"Well, yes," Bella said, playing with a lock of Bethy's hair. "But when we go home, Caleb will go home with Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett. What if another baby came to be with us? You'd be a sister."
Bethy looked between us. Her eyebrows raised up slightly, and then they furrowed. "Do I have to?"
I chuckled, looking to Bella, and then back to Bethy. "Okay, so yeah, little sweetness. You kinda do. We wanted to tell you that soon, you'll have a little brother or sister."
And suddenly, my really smart girl caught on, because it wasn't that long ago that Rose had been pregnant, her big belly that kicked a fascination for Bethy. It wasn't that long ago that we'd been in the hospital when Caleb was born.
Bethy crawled to Bella, clambering up into her lap. "There's a baby in there?" she asked in a whisper, pointing to Bella's stomach.
"Whoa," Bella giggled, looking to me. She turned back to our daughter, cupping her face and kissing her forehead. "Yes, pretty girl."
"Your tummy's smaller than Aunt Rose's was," Bethy pointed out, looking skeptical.
"Not for long," I muttered.
Bella kicked my shoe, much to Bethy's amusement.
"My tummy will get bigger as the baby grows, Bethy," Bella explained, giving me a dangerously raised eyebrow. "Kind of like Maia's tummy now that she's about to have puppies."
"You were gorgeous pregnant," I chuckled, laying down beside them on my good side. "That wasn't an insult, Bella."
I placed my hand on Bella's stomach, remembering the feel of Bethy's kick; suddenly, I couldn't wait to feel this one.
A tiny, cold hand pressed over mine, and Bethy asked, "Here?"
I nodded, taking my hand from under hers and pressing it to Bella's stomach. "Here. He's really small right now and sleeping, so we have to wait."
"How long?" she asked, leaning closer.
"Until he's ready. Months," I told her. "But we have to get ready for him. You know, make room, buy lots of baby stuff, and you can tell him all about what to expect when he gets here," I whispered.
"I can?" Bethy asked, rubbing Bella's stomach.
"Mmhm, watch this," I said with a grin, because Bella laughed softly above me as I leaned to her stomach. "Hey, little one," I called softly, placing a kiss over her shirt. "I'd like you to meet your big sister, Bethy."
Bethy giggled, deciding to kiss Bella's stomach, too. "Hi, baby!" she sang softly, and it was all I could do to not scoop her up and kiss her to death.
I felt Bella's kiss to the top of my head, and I looked up to see tears welling up in her eyes as she looked away from us, out over the clearing.
I pushed myself up a bit, worried that I'd done something wrong. "What's this? W-Was th-that t-too m-much?" I asked, wiping a tear away and kissing her lips.
She sniffled, laughing a bit at the same time, and shook her head. "No... No, Edward. That was perfect."
A/N... Oh, now Bethy knows. Edward's getting a little better, and as you can tell, I'm kind of skipping a bit of time. As funny as it could be, hearing Mercward's every bitch and moan about being bored and sore could get old, so his healing will be in stages.
Ah, Sam's letter... A beautiful suggestion by my beta JenRar...and I made her cry. I'm not sure if that was a good thing. Lol But it worked perfectly, and it came when I was having a rough start to this chapter.
Eleazar is still cleaning up on a pretty large scale, our poor couple is being cockblocked a bit with his injury, and there are puppies on the way. That about sums it up, right? LOL XD
The answer to that burning question you guys are so crazed to hear will be in the next chapter. And it's complete and already back from the beta, so my next posting will be on Wednesday.
I need to thank JenRar again for that brilliant suggestion and for all the suggestions you've sent my way as of late... Hmm... I need to thank GooberLou for prereading this... Yeah, she cried, too. And to MedusaInNY for just all sorts of shit besides my blog – I'm still a chickenshit and haven't answered that request yet. LMAO
Okay, so we'll see you Wednesday. I wanted to thank all of you for the wonderful reviews from the last chapter. Your encouragement on what was a really, REALLY hard chapter to write was so very sweet and kind and just what I needed. Thank you. A lot! I love you all for it. MUWAH! Until Wednesday... Later. :)