CHAPTER 20

It had been almost a week since the basketball game with the recruiter and Ryan could not stop himself from thinking about it. If he had known that one little instance would seemingly take over his life, he would never have gone to the game. Well, he didn't really have a choice when it came to going to the game, but maybe he would have shoved something in Gabriella's mouth to keep her from saying anything. At the moment, Ryan couldn't agree more with the old saying that ignorance was bliss. If he had never heard of the scout, he could have just gone on with his life as normal. As it was, he kept second-guessing whether or not his boyfriend was actually going to be able to achieve all that he wanted while being involved with him.

He'd tried pushing the thoughts to the back of his mind, but they always had a way of creeping into the forefront when he least suspected it. Ryan had always considered himself to be a little obsessive compulsive, but this was beginning to border on ridiculous. Every time something even resembled a basketball or something basketball related, his mind would go right back to the scout and everything that scout could mean for his relationship.

That's why, when he'd woken up earlier that morning still preoccupied by all things basketball, he decided to have a chat with someone who would probably be the most knowledgeable of Troy, basketball and the combination of the two: his dad.

To say that going to the infamous Coach Bolton's office to talk about his son's relationship was unnerving was just a little bit of an understatement. He was terrified. While having dinner with Troy's parents had gone a long way to assuage Ryan's nerves about how accepting his boyfriend's parents would be, going to have a one-on-one conversation with the hot-headed coach scared him. But he was determined enough to get over this that he shoved his nerves to the side and made his way to the locker room.

He pushed open the door and was immediately greeted with the sounds, sights and smells of a typical high school locker room. Some of the teams apparently had morning practices as the locker room was filled with noise and guys walking around in nothing other than towels or underwear. Ryan averted his eyes, but blushed slightly, as he made his way to Coach Bolton's office.

When he reached the door, he noticed it was slightly ajar and so knocked softly before pushing the door and sticking his head through. Mr. Bolton had just turned to see the blond and gave him a warm smile after he wiped the confused look from his face. "Ryan," he said, waving the boy into the room. "What brings you here this morning? Is something going on with Troy?"

Ryan entered the office and took a seat in one of the chairs near the older Bolton's cluttered desk. He looked around briefly taking in the office. He'd never really paid too much attention to anything in the locker room, always trying to get in and out as quickly as possible that one year he was required to take a physical education class. Why the schools required that was beyond him. He got plenty of exercise in his dancing lessons and yoga class. But that was beside the point. He noticed that the walls of the coach's office were cluttered with team pictures and newspaper clippings. They were mostly about the team and its championship run last season, but there were also some feature articles about Troy. But what stuck out to Ryan the most was one newspaper article that had been matted and framed. It was newspaper article from around the time of the championship game last year that was about how father and son had worked together on the winning team. It must have meant a lot to Troy's father.

He probably would have remained in his own world if Mr. Bolton hadn't cleared his throat at that moment, obviously trying to get Ryan's attention. "Oh, sorry," he said, blushing lightly. "I-uh-I came here this morning because I needed to talk to you about something. It's about Troy."

At the mention of his son's name, Mr. Bolton's posture straightened a bit and he leaned in toward the blond. Noticing that, Ryan tried quickly to pacify the older man. "No, it's nothing bad. I promise. I just, well, I was at the game last week and I noticed the college scout there and it's just made me think a lot about everything. You know, about me and Troy and stuff."

Mr. Bolton nodded, beginning to see where this conversation was going. "And what did it make you think about?" he asked.

"Well," Ryan started, his hands fidgeting nervously with the straps of his bag, "I guess, I was just—I mean, you know I don't really know anything about sports, and so I was just wondering what, you know, I mean, and I know that Troy wants to play basketball in college and probably go pro and—"

"And you want to know what that means for your relationship with him?" Coach Bolton asked, helping the flustered blond spit out what he was trying to say. "Have you talked at all to Troy about this?"

Ryan shook his head. "I didn't want him to know that I was thinking so much about it," he said. "He just would have become preoccupied with it, too."

"Well," Mr. Bolton said, leaning back in his desk chair, "I'm not going to lie to you and say that being a gay man doesn't necessarily help his chances of going pro, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. But I also think this is something you should be talking about with Troy, not me."

Ryan blushed and lowered his head. "I know," he said. "I just, I don't know, this whole relationship with him is so new and it means so much to me, but I don't know how much he's thinking about how this will affect him in the long run, you know? I just want him to know that this is what he wants."

The older Bolton just looked at the blond for a moment, not saying anything, just letting everything he'd just said sink in. When Troy had fist come to him and his wife talking about how he was seeing this Evans boy, he had to admit that he was caught off guard, and then spent the next few weeks thinking it was only a phase. Even after he had gotten over thinking about this as a phase, he still didn't know how serious the two could possibly be, they were only in high school after all. Things change. But after listening to what Ryan had just said to him, he had to admit that things were far more serious than he had ever considered. He also had to admit that at least Ryan was being very mature about everything. Far more mature than most high schoolers where when in a relationship.

Finally, he leaned forward and placed his hand on the blond's shoulder. "You should really talk to Troy about this if it's bugging you so much," he said. "You'll do no good keeping your worries to yourself. And Troy may surprise you; he might have already thought these things through."

Ryan smiled back at Troy's dad, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He nodded and thanked the coach before he grabbed his bag and made his way out of the locker room. He had some serious thinking to do before he actually talked to Troy about this. And so he made his way to the one place he always used to think through his problems.

•••HSM•••

Troy tossed the basketball to Zeke before the player guarding him got in his way, and even though he couldn't see the action at the end of the court, the screeching of the sneakers and the swoosh of the net told him that his team had been successful in scoring the winning point of the scrimmage game.

He walked over to where the rest of his team was congregating on the middle of the court, offering his congratulations for a job well done before walking as a group over to the bleachers where their water bottles were waiting for them. They each grabbed their water before taking a seat near one another. It was like a photo shoot for an Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue: scantily clad young men, glistening with sweat, drinking their bottles of water.

"I can't believe we've only got a few months left of this before it's all over with," Chad said, gesturing around him after taking a rather long chug of his water. "I mean, it's going to be weird, right?"

Both Zeke and Jason nodded their heads while Troy looked thoughtful before answering. "I didn't think this would all be coming to an end so soon. It just seems like only a little while ago that we were all just starting out on the freshman team. But I mean, don't you think it's about time for a little change?"

"What do you mean?" Chad asked, obviously confused by what his friend was saying.

"I don't know," Troy started, setting his water down at his feet. "I mean, we can't always be on the same team, right? And I mean, I loved being here with you guys all the time, but don't you think you're ready for something else. Something just a little bit different?"

Jason just looked between his friends, thinking the answer was obvious. "Why ruin a good thing, though?" he said. "I mean, we know how to function as a team and we work well together, so why would we want things to change? We don't have to try and get used to anything else, we just know how to work with each other."

"Because, that's just the thing," Troy said. "We have already gotten as good as we can get with each other. Unless we challenge ourselves, we'll always stay right where we are and we won't ever be as good as we can be."

The four friends sat around mulling over what Troy had just said for several moments, no one wanting to be the first person to break the silence. Finally, Chad was the one to speak up. "I guess you're right," he said, smiling at his friends. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it or anything."

"It's not like things haven't already started to change, dude," Zeke spoke up from his position next to Troy. "I mean look, Troy's dating a dude, and not just any dude, but Ryan Evans. I don't know if things could change much more than that."

Troy rolled his eyes as Chad cracked up and patted his friend on the back. "You've got to admit," the frizzy haired ball player said to his friend, "he's got a point. Who would have ever thought you would be dating Ryan Evans?"

"And who would ever have thought that you would be dating Taylor or that Zeke would be dating Sharpay?" Troy rebutted. "My point is that, while I'll never forget anything that we've done together, I'm ready for something new. I'm ready to do something that I've never done before and move to the next level."

"Do you think you have a pretty good chance at playing college ball?" Jason asked. "I mean, that scout was here last week. Do you think he's telling everyone good things about you?"

Before he had the chance to reply to that question, Zeke shot off another. "Wait a second, wasn't that guy from U of A? Are you thinking of going there? Because I've been talking to Sharpay and she said that neither she or Ryan are even going to apply there. Are you two going to do the long distance thing?"

Troy frowned. He hadn't even thought about that yet. He'd just been really caught up in improving his game and challenging himself. He had talked to Ryan about applying to college, and somehow he knew that Ryan didn't want to go to school anywhere near their home, but he'd been too preoccupied with his dream of going pro that he hadn't stopped to think about other things he now needed to take into consideration. Did he really think he could do the long distance thing? And what would Ryan think about all of this? In a matter of moments, Troy had gone to feeling in control of his life to feeling adrift. Damn him for trying to spark intellectual conversation with his friends.

"I don't know," he finally said. "I haven't really had a chance to talk that stuff over with Ryan yet. Do you think he'd be okay with a long distance relationship?"

"Man," Zeke spoke up, "if he's anything like his sister, he'd never be able to handle it. Sharpay needs someone there to take care of her. I mean, I know Ryan's different, but still, they're family. They have to have some things in common, right?"

"I guess," Troy said, not really knowing any other way to respond.

"Dudes," Chad said, saving Troy from any other awkward conversation, "I don't know about you, but I'd rather spend the rest of our free period doing what we do best instead of sitting around talking about things that haven't even happened yet."

"For real," Jason chimed in before getting up and grabbing the ball that had been lying neglected off to the side of the group of friends. "Besides, we've got to make sure that Troy stays in tip top shape for the season. And, no offense, but you're looking kind of flabby."

"Whatever, dude," Troy said as he got up from the bleacher and stole the ball from his friend before running in for a layup.

•••HSM•••

Troy was walking through the busy hallways of East High right after the last bell of the day had rung. He hadn't seen much of his boyfriend throughout the day and so he had Ryan on the mind. He was a man on a mission, and that mission was to find his boyfriend.

He passed countless faces as he approached the blond's locker. The door was open, blocking Ryan's face from view, but Troy could tell by the hat peaking over the top of the metal door that his boyfriend was busy rummaging through his locker. He came up and leaned against the locker-covered wall just in time for Ryan to close the door and turn to face him. The blond jumped back a bit in shock, not having noticed his boyfriend's approach, but quickly let out a breath. "Troy," he said throwing his messenger bag over his shoulder, "you scared me."

He began walking away from Troy before the brunet had a chance to say anything in his defense, but that didn't stop Troy from reaching out and grabbing a hold of his boyfriend's hand, stopping his progress out of the school building.

"Hey, slow down, turbo," Troy said, making Ryan turn around to face him again.

"Look, I just want to go home, okay?" Ryan said, trying to pull his hand from Troy's grasp. "It's been a really long day and I've got a lot on my mind. You don't mind, do you?"

"Wait," Troy started, not letting go of his boyfriend's hand. "Is something the matter? Do you want to talk about it?"

Ryan looked into his boyfriend's eyes. They were so full of concern. This is what he had always wanted, someone to be concerned for his well being above any others. So why was he fighting it so much? Why was he continuously looking for anything that could possibly be wrong? Why wasn't he just letting himself be happy. He then looked to Troy's arm that wasn't busy holding him in place to see the basketball and it all came rushing back. Being in a relationship required more than him just making sure that he was happy. He also needed to make sure that Troy was looking out for himself. A relationship was a two-way street; it involved two people, and both of them needed to be happy.

"I don't really want to talk about it," Ryan said.

That simple statement made Troy more worried than anything else. Ryan hadn't denied that something was wrong, just that he didn't want to talk about it. What was even more confusing was the fact that this was just coming out of left field. He thought that everything between the two of them was going well.

"Are you sure?" Troy asked, wanting to satisfy his own curiosity more than anything else

"I'm sure," Ryan said, not making eye contact with his boyfriend. "Can we just leave now?"

Troy just nodded and began walking out of the school, still holding onto the blond's hand. A million things were racing through his mind at the moment. Some of them ridiculous, some of them very scary. Was Ryan rethinking this whole relationship? They'd finally just got to a good place, at least that's what Troy thought. But he couldn't really tell what was going on in Ryan's head at the moment. As they approached the parking lot, Troy began slowing down until he had come to a complete stop.

"Ry," he said. "I really need you to talk to me if something is bothering you. I know it sounds kind of corny, but what if something is wrong, then I worry, especially if I don't know what's going on."

He looked at his boyfriend with a piercing stare and could see the inner battle that was going on. Was Ryan going to talk or was he just going to brush it off. He was very capable of doing both. Troy just hoped he chose to talk rather than stay silent.

It took several minutes before Troy could see Ryan's shoulders slump, something he had come to know that meant he was about to talk. "I've just been thinking about a lot of stuff, Troy," he said. His voice sounded so small, as if he wasn't sure what he was talking about, and a far cry for the confident tone with which he normally spoke. "I just … are you sure this is what you want? Us?"

"Of course," Troy said emphatically. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you this but I really do. I want this."

"I know you think you want it," Ryan said, trying to get his point across, "but have you really taken the time to think about it? What this means for your basketball career? Your chances of going pro? There's so much to think about and I don't know if you've actually thought about it.

"I guess what I'm saying is, do you still want to be with me even if it means you have to give up basketball?" Ryan knew it was a harsh question and he didn't like giving ultimatums, but really that wasn't an ultimatum. He wasn't asking Troy to choose, just to think about everything.

"I don't—I can't say that I've thought about those things," Troy said, obviously caught off guard by the question. He would be lying if he said that he hadn't thought about the fact that it would harder for him to go pro, but he'd never really considered the fact that he might not actually make it. And that was something that scared him a little bit. All his life, he'd been planning on playing basketball in some shape or form for the rest of his life. What Ryan had just suggested was definitely a shock to the system.

"Look," Ryan said, taking Troy's pause to mean that he still needed to think about what he'd just said. "I really need you to think about this. Why don't we just go home and I'll give you a little space, then we can talk more about it tomorrow, okay?"

Troy just nodded his head, still trying to digest all of the information that had just been thrown at him. Ryan smiled slightly, and leaned in to give Troy a quick kiss. "I love you," he whispered before pulling away. He gave his boyfriend's hand one final squeeze before walking away toward his car.

Troy watched as Ryan got in his car and pulled out of the parking lot. How had his day turned out like this?

•••HSM•••

He loved Ryan. He knew that. He didn't need to convince himself of that. If there was anything in his life of which he was absolutely sure, it was his feelings for the blond boy who had stolen his heart. But that wasn't what was causing his distress at the moment. No, what was upsetting Troy right now was that he couldn't reconcile the fact that the two things he wanted most in the world might not be compatible with one another. He had never really considered the fact that he might have to give up one to get the other.

All he ever wanted to be was a basketball player. It's what he'd spent most of his life doing. He loved playing and he'd basically planned out his future based on the fact that he would continue playing. That all started to change, however, when he met Gabriella. She had opened his eyes to a world outside the sport. But even she couldn't take his mind off the goal of going pro. Sure, he'd expanded his area of influence to include theater, but it never really held the place in his heart that the team sport did.

And then there was Ryan. He had come out of nowhere to capture the brunet's attention, and soon thereafter, his heart. Some may have considered it a bit early for Troy to be saying this, but he couldn't really imagine his life without being accompanied by the diminutive blond. The only problem was that he didn't know which to choose. Was he supposed to pick the one constant in his life for as long as he could remember or was he supposed to pick the boy who seemed to be taking up more and more of his time?

Those were the thoughts occupying his mind as he walked through the front door of his home. He hadn't planned on coming back to his house alone that afternoon and he certainly didn't think he'd be coming home with such a weight on his shoulders.

He walked into the kitchen and directly to the fridge, grabbing a cold bottle of water before heading upstairs to his bedroom. He walked into his own personal sanctuary and closed the door, making sure that he could keep out all outside influences, at least for a little while. He made his way over to his bed and sat down on the edge, not moving for a moment. He looked almost comatose until he laid back and spread himself over the top of his bed. He reached his arm up to rest his water bottle over his forehead.

He knew that his chances for being an professional athlete in a same-sex relationship were slim, but he always considered himself an optimist. If he worked hard enough, wouldn't he be able to accomplish anything he put his mind to? Wasn't his desire to accomplish it enough to make sure it would happen?

But what if Ryan was right and being in a relationship with him would put an end to that part of his life? Was being in a relationship enough of a reason to totally change his life plan?

On the other hand, how often did anyone come across that one person who just seemed to get them? Was it easier to find a soul mate or become a professional basketball player? A question for the ages. One to which Troy wish he knew the answer. If he could just answer this question, he could get off his bed and go on with his life. As it was, though, tough life questions couldn't just be answered with the flick of a wrist. As Troy was contemplating all the ways he could avoid this topic, he realized that Ryan wouldn't accept that, which made everything even more complicated.

There was nothing like the feeling he got after the last basketball season when his team had taken the championship title. It was the biggest rush of his life. But then there was the feeling he got when he was alone with Ryan. He got the feeling even when they were just sitting next to one another. Ryan would rest his head on Troy's shoulder and he would become overwhelmed with a sense of fulfillment. Like everything he needed was right there with him.

How could you make a choice between those feelings? Did he have to? Why did life have to be so complicated all the time? Couldn't he just have it all?

And even if he did have it all, a boyfriend and a basketball career, was he ready for a long distance relationship. Ryan had made it more than clear that he was not interested in going to Albuquerque, and in all honesty, that was the only school that was seriously looking at him for any kind of basketball scholarship. Would Ryan be able to handle the long distance? Would he?

Ryan had such a magnetic personality; surely he would find someone new wherever he went to school. Troy would stay back home and Ryan would go out into the world and have new adventures and grow up. Where would that leave them and their relationship?

There were so many questions, and Troy didn't have any answers for them.

Troy remained on his bed for quite some time, just thinking. He didn't think he had ever been so still in all his life. And even after more than an hour of just thinking, the only thing Troy knew was that he wasn't going to be able to figure this situation out in one day. Or by himself.

A/N: Ugh. What angsty teenagers. But then again, what teenager isn't just a little bit angsty. Kind of a downer after the nice fluffiness of the last chapter, I know, but it's all part of the plan. Just stay tuned.

Work started this week, so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything. Hopefully, I'll just take some time this weekend to decompress and write a lot. There's not much left to go. I hope you're all continuing to enjoy the story and thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter. It means a lot.