Title: Tainted Star
Chapter 21
Author: Phoenix
Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.
A/N: Thanks to my new beta TheJudge94!
"No, no please don't. Please, stop!" The sound of her girlfriend screaming woke Santana out of her pleasant sleep. She looked over to find Rachel sweating and tossing from side to side, as if she was trying to get away from something or someone. These night terrors were becoming less frequent since Rachel confessed her secret, but they still reared their ugly heads once in a while, and Puck's comment was all it took to bring one out.
"Shh, mi estrella. You're okay, wake up baby, you're safe," Santana whispered lovingly into her ear, placing a gentle hand on the girls shoulder, knowing better then to wrap her arms around the small frame right now. The last time she had done that while Rachel was in the middle of a nightmare, it only made it worse. All she could do was whisper gentle reassurances until the small girl found her way back to her. She was grateful that it seemed to take less time to wake Rachel now than it had before.
"Night terror?" Maria asked standing on the middle of the stairs that led down to her daughter's room. She was walking by after going to the bathroom and heard Rachel screaming and wanted to make sure that everything was alright.
Santana nodded sadly at her mother's question, keeping her full attention on the shaking girl next to her. Rachel had calmed down considerably but it was obvious that she was still stuck in the middle of her horrible dream.
"Do you need any help?" Maria asked, her heart breaking for her daughter's girlfriend. She didn't know much about what these night terrors were about, because Rachel didn't want many people knowing, but she had a pretty good assumption of what they were, and Santana has all but confirmed her fears.
"No, I got this," She said with determination, breaking her gaze away from her girlfriend to look at her mother. "Thank you mami," She said gratefully. The older woman nodded.
"Come find me if you need me," She said before she left to go back to her bedroom.
All of Santana's attention was focused back on Rachel as soon as her mother left. The singer was now drenched with sweat, but her screaming had reduced to slight whimpering. The Latina leaned in as close as she dared to her girlfriend ear.
"Come on baby, come back to me. You're safe Estrella, I love you." She whispered, doing a little cheer in her head when Rachel finally began to un-tense, her chocolate eyes slowly opening until they met concerned darker ones above her.
"San?" She questioned with a small whimper. The darker girl smiled down at her reassuringly.
"It's me baby, you're okay," She told her softly, caressing her cheek in the most loving manner, never letting their eye contact break.
"How long did it take for me to wake up this time?" She asked after a few minutes whilst reaching for the notebook beside the bed. Dr. Cordell had asked her to record different stuff about her dreams, promising she wouldn't read any of it unless Rachel had given her permission, but the one thing she did want to know for sure was how long it took Rachel to come out of the night terror.
"About ten minutes, it's getting easier to wake you now," Santana told her encouragingly. Rachel only nodded and wrote down the time. Then proceeded write her feeling about the night terror. When she finished she closed the book and placed it back on the nightstand.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Santana asked when Rachel's eyes met hers again. Rachel seemed to think about it for a moment, and then slowly nodded. Santana was shocked at first, usually Rachel wanted to go straight back to sleep and then talk about it at her next therapy meeting. She quickly got a hold of herself and gave Rachel her full attention.
"It wasn't as bad as the other ones." She began quietly, snuggling close to the warm body of her girlfriend. Santana started to run her fingers through dark locks, wrapping her other arm around her waist and holding her close.
"Everything was kind of blurry and I couldn't like physically feel everything like I usually do, but I could still feel the overwhelming sense of fear." She explained as her body shuttered, which caused Santana to strengthen the arm that was around her.
"At least their becoming less vivid," Santana said, trying to give her girlfriend something positive to hold on to. Trying to take her mind off the fear and think about how she's making progress.
"Yea . . ." Rachel said trailing off. She was still feeling thing effects of the night terror, and Puck's words were really affecting her. Santana deserved someone who wasn't broken and could give themselves completely to her. Rachel hated that she just didn't trust either Santana or herself yet, to try something so intimate and life changing, something that should bring Santana and her closer.
"Hey, where did you go just now?" the cheerleader asked, seeing the far away look on the diva's face.
"Nowhere," Rachel lied with the fake smile of hers, the one that only Santana could see through.
"You're not fooling me Rachel, we agreed no more lying" She said with a stern gentle voice.
"Sorry," the small diva said guiltily. "I just... I mean... I don't think . . ." She stuttered, not sure how to voice her concerns without causing an argument.
"Hey, whatever it is, it's okay. You can tell me," Santana reassured. She felt like she was saying this over and over, but if it gave Rachel the security she needed to talk then she would repeat herself a thousand times.
"I'm a horrible girlfriend," She replied in a whisper. Santana stared at her with her mouth agape, where the hell would she ever get that idea.
"What? Rachel, why are you saying this?" She asked, pulling away just enough so that she could see her eyes.
"I'm not good for you. I can't give myself to you like I should," She said tiredly.
She was so emotionally exhausted. It seemed like just when one inner battled was solved another one began. Why couldn't she just magically move on and be happy? When Santana tried to protest Rachel stopped her. Needing to finish what she was saying.
"You give me one hundred percent every day. You would willingly give yourself to me without a second thought, because you love and trust me. I can't do that, and you should be with someone who can," she explained brokenly. Santana felt her heart breaking for the girl next to her, she just wanted her to know she so much more than what she is seeing herself as.
"Since the start of this relationship all you have done is take care of me, and it's just not fair to you. I can't even give you anything back," She sobbed. The Latina brushed some hair out of the girl's red puffy eyes, and patiently waited for her sobs to subside.
"Can I speak now?" She asked gently with a calming smile. Rachel nodded tensing with fear of what would happen next. She was most afraid that she would break up with her now that Rachel has showed her exactly why she wasn't good enough.
"First off all, you are perfect for me," She said with no hint of doubt in her voice. "You give me so much happiness, just seeing your beautiful face makes everything bad in the world go away," She told her caressing her cheek lovingly, brushing away a few tears. Rachel went to speak but Santana held up her hand.
"No, it's my turn," She told her, Rachel clamped her mouth shut, seemingly biting her tongue to keep from speaking. Santana giggled inwardly, there was a bit of the Rachel she knew and loved.
"You also give me one hundred percent each and every day. We don't need to have sex to make this relationship meaningful and complete, it already is," She explained.
"I'm not going to lie and say that sex isn't important, because it is, but it's far from the most important thing in a relationship. I gave my virginity to someone I didn't love, hell I wasn't even attracted to him," She said with a bit of a humorless laugh. "I used sex to gain popularity and hide my true self and I regret every minute of it. The only time it ever had meaning to me was with Brittany, and even then something was missing because I could never make eye contact with her. I'm glad we're waiting, because this time it's going to be something so special and precious, and honestly I'm not even sure I'm ready for those kind of emotions yet," She told her sincerely. Rachel looked up at her with curious and hopeful brown eyes.
"But I know you're the one for me, I know we love each other, shouldn't that be enough?" She asked. Santana sighed and laced their fingers together; she stared at them for a few seconds, before returning her gaze to Rachel's.
"You need to be ready emotionally Rachel, sometimes loving someone and even trusting them doesn't mean you, yourself are ready. We're not going to be just fucking babe, we're going to be making love and that brings some heavy feelings out," Rachel blushed a deep crimson, which caused Santana to smile before she continued. "I promise you one day, you will be ready and so will I. When the time comes baby, we'll know," She told her placing a kiss on her cheek and then her lips, before letting their foreheads rest against each other's. Rachel started to visibly relax, but there was one more thing Rachel said that Santana wanted to address.
"Now third," She started, Rachel looked up at her surprised and curious. She didn't think there was anything more to say. "I have taken care of you since the start of this relationship because I want to. You have had so much pain in your life and unfortunately it's still hurting you. I want to be able to take all of that away and fill your life with happiness, but sweetheart, you also need to understand I'm not doing this because I feel I have to or out of pity. It's my personality, even if everything in your life was perfect, I would still be doing everything to take care of you, because I have a protective instinct, especially when it comes to the people I love and there's no one I love more then you," the cheerleader told her sweetly. She had never admitted something like this to anyone, but she felt like she could tell Rachel anything.
"You may not realize it but you have also taken very good care of me since this relationship began, hell you were taking care of me even before it began," She told her with a laugh. Rachel tried to protest as Santana expected she would, but she just silenced her with a quick kiss.
"Still speaking," She said with a laugh. Knowing the politeness in Rachel wouldn't let her interrupt her again after that. "One example is you have been taken care of me ever since Tony's accident, without you I would have completely fallen apart by now. Even you taking time to spend time with Tony himself and helping him is taking care of me," She said making Rachel blush, sure Rachel loved attention but when it came to people complimenting her on her good deeds she tends to get a little shy, because honestly helping people was an instinct of her own that she had always had, but no one ever seemed to see it till recently even Rachel herself.
"Before we were even friends, you went out of your way to help the very people you bullied you. I know you were the one you cussed out Finn when he outed me and I know you're the one who delivered the anonymous letter to my abuela stating very politely how big of a mistake she was making right after she disowned me," Rachel's blush only grew, she really didn't think anyone knew about those.
"So you see babe, you take care of me just as much as I take care of you, and you give me so much everyday just by breathing. I love you baby girl," She finished kissing her temple, which promptly set Rachel into another sobbing session.
Santana didn't panic or ask her what she was crying about. She knew this wasn't a panic attack or anything bad, it was just all the bottled emotions Rachel had been keeping in, finally breaking through. Finally being able to let herself go in the arms of the one she loved the most. Santana wrapped her tanned arms around the trembling girl; she let her hand travel up the back of her girlfriends sleep shirt. She trailed her finger nails up and down her girlfriend's small back, knowing this action comforted the diva the most. She whispered sweet nothings into her ear, until she her sobs died down and her trembling body fell limp as sleep finally over took the physically and emotionally exhausted singer. She kissed the top of her girlfriend's head one more time before falling into a deep sleep herself. Never removing her hand from the back of her girlfriend's shirt, once in a while Rachel would stir slightly and Santana's fingers would reflexively work their magic and lull Rachel back to a peaceful sleep.
Santana had one set goal today, and that was to kill Noah Puckerman. He made her girlfriend doubt that she was good enough for her just because she wasn't ready for sex, and that didn't fly with her at all. Yup Puck was going to die today.
"Puckerman!" She shouted across the hall, storming her way through the sea of students, to the self-proclaimed bad boy. She used all her strength and pushed him up against the lockers, the loud noise and the scary look in the Latina's eyes caused the students that were mingling to scatter until the hall held only them. Yes, Santana was that scary when she was in protective girlfriend mode.
"What the hell Lopez? What's wrong with you?" He asked easily freeing himself from the smaller girl while rubbing the back of his shoulders that took the impact from the locker.
"I don't care that you're my bro, you upset my girlfriend. So now you and me gots problems," She threatened dangerously. Puck looked at her confused for a few moments until it finally clicked what she was talking about.
"You mean that comment I made Friday about you and her getting it on?" He asked receiving a nod as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Oh come on, it was only a joke. How I was supposed to know she was going to get so worked up about it. I mean I know she's kinda uptight but I thought you would have loosened her up a bit," He said, sure he felt bad that he had upset his Jewish princess, but he honestly believed he didn't do anything wrong.
"Are you seriously that dumb?" She shouted pushing him back into the lockers.
"Ow damn stop doing that," He protested holding his aching shoulder again.
"You have no idea what this means to Rachel or me, because you only think with your dick and not your brain. Rachel is more than just a fuck to me, she not like anyone else I've been with," She shouted.
She knew he wouldn't understand, because she was once him. Not thinking or really caring about the person they were with, just getting what they needed and then leaving. The only other time she came close to what she had with Rachel was with Brittany, and the only time Puck came close to it was with Quinn and that ended very badly. Puck didn't have that connection with someone yet, so he could never understand needing to make sure everything was perfect. Not to mention Rachel had baggage the size of Texas that she barely has scratched the surface on dealing with.
"I know that S, but seriously you've never been one to wait and I thought Rachel would be different with you because even the dumbest person can see you both love each other," He told her. Santana sighed and calmed herself down, he didn't know what Rachel had been through she had to remind herself of that. Plus he was McKinley's resident sex shark, to him it wasn't a big deal to take that step but for Rachel it was and honestly like she told Rachel it was for her as well because this time there would be real true raw emotions involved.
"It's different Puck, it's not something I can explain to you. Rachel's not ready for many different reasons and I respect that, I won't pressure her or let you pressure her, she been through way too much," She said quietly. He listened intently trying to connect the pieces knowing he was missing something important but just not getting it.
"What you said brought up stuff she's trying to deal with; you made her believe she's not good enough for me. When in fact she's absolutely perfect for me," She said her voice going soft and distant as she thought of her girlfriend.
"I know she is. I would never ask you to pressure her actually I would hurt you if I found out you were. I never meant to upset or pressure her; I don't want to be that type of guy anymore. I want to and I am trying to be the good guy Rachel had always seen in me. It was honestly just a joke," He said showing the rare side of him that usually only Rachel can bring out in him. Santana was seeing Noah not Puck right now.
"Look I know it was just a joke to you and Rachel knows that to, but that still doesn't change the fact that you made her feel like there was something wrong with her. You have no idea what's going on with her right now, she usually can deal with your rude humor but you suggested that she should be doing something that she is nowhere near ready for," Santana explained, a lot calmer this time. Puck nodded understanding, if it was anyone else he'd tell them to stop being a prude and loosen up, but this was his lesbro and it was about his Jewish princess. He would do anything for them.
"I'll apologize to Rachel when I see her and I'll be more careful with what I say around her," He promised. Santana smiled as they bumped fist, happy that they were on the same page again.
"Hey Rach," Puck called out when he was finally able to find the girl later that day. He would have apologized in homeroom but because of his and Santana's talk in the hall they were almost late and had to endure a lecture from Rachel about the consequences of being late to class even if it was just homeroom.
"Hello Noah," She greeted quietly, other than the scolding he got earlier that say with Santana, Rachel had avoided talking to him altogether. Puck hated seeing her act like this around him.
"Look I'm not good at this sort of thing so I'm just going to come straight out and say it," He started, gaining Rachel's dull attention. "I'm sorry about the joke I made Friday at lunch. It was rude and inconsiderate. That part of your relationship with Santana is private and if you guys want to wait that's awesome and your own business," Puck apologized shifting from foot to foot nervously.
All he wanted was for his Jewish princess to forgive him and stop avoiding him, before his talk with Santana he didn't understand why she was so upset but now he at least had somewhat of an understanding. Rachel stared at him in shock for a moment, Puck wasn't known for admitting when he was wrong. She quickly got a hold of herself and smiled up at him.
"Thank you Noah, I accept and appreciate your apology. Though I have to admit I did over react, you were just expressing your personality," Rachel reasoned, always one to take the blame for others actions.
"No, I had no right to make that joke. I know how you feel about keeping shit like that private and I also know how you feel about waiting. I just assumed because you and San are so obviously in love," He told her. Rachel smiled at him again, he really was becoming a great man, so much different than the boy who use to throw kids in dumpsters without a second thought and screw girls and then up and leave.
"We do love each other more than anything in this world, and because of that we want to take it slow so that we're both ready emotionally," She explained, remembering the conversation between herself and Santana. She couldn't help the grin that graced her lips at the thought about how sweet her girlfriend is.
"I get it now Rach, I really do. I promise I'll be more careful with what I say from now on," Rachel nodded, letting the Jewish boy pull her into a hug.
"Are you two going out now?" A vaguely familiar voice interrupted them. Rachel froze, seriously hoping that voice didn't belong to who she thought it belonged to. She felt Puck tense and square his shoulder's telling her that her fears were confirmed. She took a deep breath and turned around, plastering on her fake smile. Her body remained tense as she came face to face with none other than the very woman who not only abandoned her twice but traded her in for a newer model.
"Shelby? What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice giving away how she definitely not happy to see her biological mother again.
"I wanted to check up on you, I heard everything that happened with your father," She told her taking a step forward but stopped when she noticed Rachel leaned in closer to the football player who took protectively next to her.
"That was almost three months ago, you weren't here then? Why are you here now?" Puck asked placing a comforting and protective hand on the small girls shoulder, glaring at the woman who hurt his friend so much two years ago. Shelby's shoulders dropped, realizing she wasn't going to be welcomed with open arms.
"I was afraid I wouldn't be welcomed, but I just had to see for myself that you were okay," the older woman told them. When she first found out about Rachel she got really angry and wanted to find the man that she trusted with her daughter and tear him apart. Then she was sad, really sad, and cried for a week and wanted nothing more than to go to Rachel and hold her but she was too scared to. It was only recently that she finally worked up the courage to actually come and see Rachel herself.
"Well you're not welcomed now so get the hell out of here," Puck demanded, he didn't like what she did to Rachel. Though the thought of maybe being able to see his daughter again excited him, he wouldn't let anyone else hurt Rachel, even if that meant not seeing Beth.
"Noah please," Rachel begged stepping in front of her birth mother still keeping a good distance between them.
"You left me twice already; you adopted a little girl because I wasn't good enough for you. You didn't even have the courage enough to come see me when I needed you the most. So I am going to ask you again Shelby why are you here?" Rachel asked point blank. She needed to know, Shelby had hurt her greatly in the past. When she had forced herself into her life two years ago she thought maybe she would be able to break away from here hell, but the minute she realized she wasn't what she thought she was going to be she left. All because she wasn't a little girl anymore, but what Shelby didn't realize then was that Rachel was still very much a little girl, one that really needed her mom.
"I understand you being suspicious, but I am honestly just here to see you. I thought I was doing you good by leaving, I thought you had two amazing dads and that I would just ruin that by coming into your life. I only wanted to do what's best for you, but now I know that, that was the biggest mistake I had ever made," Shelby told her with tears in her eyes. Honestly those tears angered Rachel; she didn't believe she deserved to cry. Rachel was the one that was betrayed and hurting not Shelby.
"Even if my daddy was still alive and my dad was great, I still needed my mom. You forced yourself into my life and then I don't turn out the way you expected me to, and not only do you just up and leave but you adopt another little girl. A little girl that happened to come from two people I know very well. You told me that I was grown up and didn't need you, but I wasn't I was sixteen and I was terrified because everyone in my life was either hurting me or leaving me," Rachel shouted, gaining many student's attention that were passing by in the hallway.
"I know I made a lot of huge mistakes when it came to you Rachel, but I need you to know that if I had any idea of what your father was doing to you. I promise I would have done everything in my power to help you. I know I don't deserve another chance, but I am begging you. I want to be in your life, maybe even as your mom," Shelby said softly, she was being completely honest with the young girl. She then looked over at Puck.
"I also want you and Quinn to be a part of Beth's life if you're both willing. Even if I can't repair things with Rachel, the offer still stands," She offered whole heartedly.
Rachel could feel the hope radiating off of Puck at the chance of being a part of his daughters life, and she knew even though it may take Quinn more time to take the offer she would be ecstatic to see Beth grow up even though she couldn't be there as her mother. Rachel wanted that for not only Quinn and Puck but Beth as well, she wanted to give that little girl and opportunity to know her birth parents that way she wasn't given the chance to.
"Alright I'll give you another chance," Rachel said after taking a deep breath. Shelby smiled as if she had just won the lottery and Puck was giving off mixed feelings of happiness and caution. Shelby pulled out a picture of Beth for Puck and wrote her number down on the back. The boy stared of the beautiful little girl who looked almost exactly like Quinn. Rachel pulled Shelby to the side as Puck was distracted by the picture.
"I'm only doing this for Quinn, Puck and Beth, because I know what it's like to grow up wondering where you came from and I know Quinn and Puck would never agree to this if they thought I would get hurt by it. I expect nothing from you, as you said two years ago you're my mother not my mom," Rachel said sternly, her eyes filled with pain of abandonment. Shelby took in a deep breath.
"I understand that you don't trust me, and I am willing to do anything to gain a relationship with you. I promise you Rachel this time will be different," The older woman promised. Rachel scoffed.
"Don't make promises you can't keep," She huffed before pulling the still entranced Puck away to class. Leaving Shelby with her own thoughts, knowing she had a long way to prove herself to her young daughter.
Quinn and Santana's reactions to Shelby being back, was an emotional roller coaster. Santana for the most part remained angry and suspicious as she once in a while broke away from her rant to check on her girlfriend and continuously ask her if she was okay and sure about this. Quinn remained completely silent, her body tense as she clutched the picture Puck had shared with her of Beth. On one hand she wanted nothing more than to see the little girl she handed over two years ago, but on the other hand she was terrified that she wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally. When Santana finally stopped venting, Rachel walked up to Quinn and sat next to the distracted girl.
"Quinn you okay?" She asked carefully, placing a hand on the blonde's shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm fine," She squeaked, clutching the photo a little tighter.
"You're not fine Q, you don't have to lie to us," Santana said sitting on her other side. Quinn just nodded, confirming for them that she was having an inner battle with herself.
"You know you don't have to see her right away, you can take your time and wait till you're ready," Rachel told her softly with a reassuring smile.
"I know, but I'm afraid if I wait I'll miss out on my chance with her. That I'll miss too much of her life and lose her," The head cheerleader confessed her fears to her friends, silent tears streaming down her face.
"You won't lose her, trust me. As long as you show her that you do want to be in her life when you do decide to be, then you won't lose her," Rachel told her encouragingly, but with a bit of sadness in her voice.
Santana wrapped her arm around girlfriend to offer her some comfort. Quinn held onto her best friends hand and squeezed it gently, showing her support and appreciation for the diva.
"I believe you Rach, I'll wait 'till I'm ready," She concluded, feeling a little lighter at the decision. The prospect of being in her daughter's life was amazing news, and now that she knew she could do it on her on time, wait until she was ready she was excited. Quinn looked at her phone and sighed.
"We better get to Cheerio's practice or coach will kill us," She said standing up and grabbing her bag. Santana groaned but moved to follow the head cheerleader.
"Hey," Rachel called out. Santana looked at her girlfriend with a confused look. "Where's my kiss?" She asked with a pout. The dark Cheerio laughed before she leaned in and kissed the small girl on her full lips.
"Are you waiting for me or catching a ride with whoever is picking up Artie?" She asked her grin still firmly in place.
"Tim is picking up both Artie and I today, something about having the family eat together tonight. I honestly suspect Shelby called and now they want to talk to me about it," Rachel replied, a heavy sigh in her voice. The yo-yo game with Shelby was becoming old and painful. Santana frowned at Rachel mood shift.
"Hey, everything will be fine. If she hurts you she'll have to deal with me," Santana told her, she gained a nod in return. They kissed once more only breaking apart when they heard Quinn's loud fake coughing.
"I'll call you later," Santana said before leaving with the other cheerleader so they could rush to practice so they wouldn't have to deal with Sue's endless punishment for being late.
Rachel let her shoulder sag when her girlfriend and best friend disappeared. She didn't know if she could handle another round of rejection from her birth mother, but she was trying to stay strong for Puck and Quinn. They both needed this closure and possibly amazing opportunity. She grabbed her bag and went to start heading for the parking lot where she knew Tim and Artie would be waiting for her. She stopped when she noticed a note fall out of her opened backpack, she looked at it curiously. She picked it up and put it in her back pocket, assuming it was from Santana. She continued to the parking lot with a smile, the sappy love note will bring her spirits up later when she reads it.
Santana, Quinn and Brittany where huffing after one of Sue Sylvester's grueling practices. Santana was squirting some water into her mouth before squirting a bit more of it onto her face. Even though all three of them have endured more than their share of their coach's torturer, there were still times when they just couldn't get used to it. All three of them couldn't suppress their groans when none other than the resident creepy stalker, walked up to them.
"No, Jewfro you cannot have a pair of my girlfriends panties," Santana snapped out automatically. This creeper was way too obsessed with her girlfriend.
"I am not here to ask you for what should be mine Santana," Jacob started, his extremely annoying voice echoing throughout the empty gym. All three girls growled. This guy just didn't know when to quit.
"I'm here to ask you about your feeling on the information of Hiram Berry being the one to run over your brother resulting in him losing his arm and changing his life forever," He asked forcing the recorder in her face, not a bit of compassion in his voice. He was honestly hoping that this would break the couple up and then he could get his chance with Rachel.
"How the hell do you know this?" Santana shouted, jumping off the bleachers and grabbing the boy by the collar of his shirt. Quinn and Brittany jumped down beside her, ready to stop her before she went too far, if only for Rachel's sake.
"My Uncle is a police officer, he told me," He squeaked in fear, suddenly remembering the Latina's vicious reputation.
"Are you absolutely positive?" Quinn growled, causing the boy to try to squirm away.
"Yes I'm sure, they match the license plate that hit her brother with Hiram's license plate," Santana's grip suddenly loosened as the news finally hit her. The annoying Jewish boy didn't take any time in making a break for it and running far away from the scary Unholy Trinity.
"S, calm down sweetie, talk to us," Brittany said trying to break her best friend out of the stupor she seemed to be stuck in. The two blondes watched with concern and helplessness as the Latina had an inner battle with herself.
"I-I have to go," She said suddenly, running as fast as she could away from her friend, away from everything.
Rachel sat at the dinner table eating slowly as her family sat in complete silence. Artie looked just as confused as her. The phone rang and Tim jumped up to answer it, seemingly thankful for the distraction. When he came back his face was pale and he was trembling slightly. He looked directly at Rachel, which caused the girl to become very nervous. She knew this was going to be about her.
"Rachel we need to tell you something?" Tim said slowly, wiping the palm of his hands on his jeans nervously.
"Is this about Shelby being back?" Rachel asked hoping to get straight to the point, but she was met with blank looks which only confused her more.
"She's what?" Kara asked, but shook her head to clear her mind and get back on track.
"No Rachel, it isn't this is much more serious and just got even more serious," Kara looked up at her husband with great concerned. Rachel was suddenly in panic mode, what the hell could they be talking about?
"Please Rachel, just remember none of this is your fault and no one is blaming you," okay she totally didn't like how this was going. "They found out who hit Tony. . ." her foster father took a deep breath trying to calm his own nerves. "It was your father," with those words Rachel felt her world collapse, no matter what anyone told her she believed this was her fault. Her father definitely didn't hit Tony accidentally; it was because he was close to her.
"There's more I just got a call from Armando," He said gaining her attention again; she prepared herself for the worse. "Jacob Ben Israel's Uncle works on the police force and he told his nephew about it, about an hour ago Jacob confronted Santana about how she felt about it. After she was told she ran out she's been missing ever sense," Tim told her carefully, prepared for the onslaught that was about to come.
Rachel was out of her seat in seconds and rambling about how they had to get searching and how it was freezing and that she was sure Santana didn't have her coat. Which Tim knew to be knew by the conversation he had with Armando who got all his information from Quinn and Brittany.
"Rachel, calm down and breathe. We're going to go look but you need to stay calm for Santana," He reasoned and the girl took a calming breath and then nodded that she was level headed once again.
Tim drove Rachel around visiting all of Santana's favorite places, while Kara and Artie stayed home just in case Santana showed up there. Santana's family was searching as well as the rest of the glee club. After the fifth trip to swing set they loved to sit at in the park, Rachel was going insane with worry. It was getting later and colder by the minute. Then a light bulb suddenly went off and she knew where she was. She wanted to hit herself for not thinking of it first.
Tim parked on the outskirts of the wooded area Santana had taken her to, to tell her she loved her and where they shared their first kiss. Tim moved to follow her in but she held up her hand to stop him.
"Please let me go alone, I promise I know where I'm going," She begged, Tim looked skeptical about letting her go alone in a wooded area at night. "Please, this is my and her spot only. We never wanted anyone else to know about it," She pleaded and after a few seconds of thought he relented and let her go alone, giving her a flashlight, Santana's jacket and a blanket.
Rachel made her way through the woods, easily remembering her way towards the river. She waded her way through the deep snow only now touched by her and Santana feet. She was terrified of what she would find when she got to her girlfriend. She was scared that she would be hurt, but that could be fixed. She was even more terrified of how Santana would react to her. Would she see her for who she was now, trouble and not worth the pain? The mere thought of losing Santana nearly killed Rachel inside. She shook her head clear she needed to find Santana and make sure she was okay, right now that's all that mattered. She finally got to the river and sighed in relief to find the shivering form of her girlfriend staring into the waterfall.
"Tana?" She called quickly rushing to her side and immediately wrapping the coat around her shoulders followed by the blanket. She wrapped her arms around her hoping to give some of her own body heat to the girl whose lips were starting to turn blue.
"Rae-Rae?" She called back weakly looking at her worried girlfriend with a tearful eyes. Sniffling slightly before she buried her face in her girlfriends neck.
"Yea, I'm here sweetheart. I am so sorry. . . God I just keep hurting you," Rachel said pitifully. Santana quickly looked up at her.
"No, you're not the one hurting anyone. He's the one hurting us, I came here because I somehow just knew you and only you would find me here," She said sincerely. She wanted her girlfriend to know that in no way shape or form did she blame her for this. It killed her to see the doubt still in her girlfriend's eyes, and it just made her hate this man even more.
"Come on we need to get you some place warm. You probably already have hypothermia," Rachel scolded lightly, helping the freezing girl out of the woods and to the car where Tim was waiting for them.
Armando checked Santana out at the hospital. She had a mild case of hypothermia and the start of a cold. So he let her go home, it was decided that Rachel would spend the night so she went home with the Lopez's. Santana never letting go of her girlfriend's tiny hand.
When they got there the biggest blow to Rachel was Tony's reaction. He had obviously been told about who had hit him and now he seemed to be afraid of Rachel, running to his room the minute he saw the petite diva.
"Don't worry darling, he's just a little shocked and scared right now. He'll come around I promise," Maria reassured the singer, checking on Santana before going to check on her youngest child.
They went down to Santana's room and lay down. Rachel wanted to hold Santana but the Cheerio insisted that she held the diva. Claiming it helped calm her down to have her in her arms. Rachel didn't argue and let Santana wrap her arms around her after making her they had three layers of blankets on them because Santana was still shivering from being out in the cold for so long. Even though it was still early on in the night around seven or so, Santana quickly fell asleep, exhausted from the day's events.
Rachel carefully slipped out of her arms, putting the stuffed puppy she gave her for Christmas in place of her body. She took out the note that she found in her bag earlier from her back pocket. Needing to know now what it said, having a terrifying feeling it wasn't from Santana at all. As she read the words crawled on the piece of lines paper, she felt her heart stop.
Look what you made me do to that innocent little boy; imagine what I could do to that beautiful girlfriend of yours.
Love,
Dad
There was an address on the back and she knew what she had to do, to protect her girlfriend and everyone she loved.
She made her way upstairs, taking one last look at her girlfriend before shutting her door. She came across Maria in the living room, she told her she was just going to go home to get her stuff for the night while Santana slept. The woman believed her and let her go, too worried about her children to realize Rachel didn't even have a car and that it would be getting dark soon. Rachel paused for one more moment, hoping everyone knew how much she loved them, and hoped that especially Santana could move on with their lives.