WARNING
MIGHT TRIGGER
_-***-_
Even after Karma and Nagisa cleaned up the room countless times, they can't seem to keep it clean until afternoon that is when they can't seem to find the girl anywhere at all.
"She's gone? Well, she's a cat so you can guess where she would like to go."
That was it, Ayumu doesn't seem to know what Grandma Ai is saying and the other two can only get their brain to work and think of what a cat would like and these are the candidates:
-A lake because cats like fishes.
-The rice paddy because they likes to watch dragonflies and try to catch them.
-Going into the forest because cats like exploring.
-Or just lying on a grass field to nap.
After all, a living person needs fresh air from time to time, even Michiko who has been shutting herself in a closet for the last five days and this is where she always goes during holidays if she has the time so of course she would go out.
Now, where is the girl?
She is at the top of one of the hills near to the old Japanese house, paint and some other drawing equipment with her along with canvas and papers. The midnight blue orbs might not get along with the light blue sky but she'll endure the stabbing sunlight for now.
She's wearing a yellow sundress and wearing a hat on her head as to prevent getting her skin burnt and tanned.
Michiko breath the fresh air of the sweet morning on top of a hill in a countryside, different when you breath the air in the morning in a town; even more a capital of the nation. She likes it here, serene and pristine. The people are nice and blessed with overwhelming crops by Mother Nature and beautiful scenery as far as the eye can see.
There is electricity, there are automobiles but the usage is very minim so it still is not as bad as big towns. Michiko came to love this place since she used to live here at the time the doctors told her parents to move to the countryside to aid with her recovery when she had tuberculosis.
She was saved from the illness but her grandfather never made it through the illness...
Actually, his children has planned everything; buying him a new house in the countryside, buying a wheelchair but alas all of them are only plans that will never be fulfilled.
Michiko watch from afar but never got the chance to actually do anything useful. She thought he will survive but there's this bad feeling that tell her the opposite.
Sighing and looking back at the scenery, maybe she'll put the result of her work at the grave since her grandpa had always loved her artwork and had been the only one so far..
"Ah, I lost my only admirer~" she laugh it off but to be honest she is conflicted.
Her grandpa had always been the one who praised her and give her attention, caring for her health and also her mental health even though he never know what exactly is wrong.
Matsuoka Daichi is wise and powerful and yet he is such a caring and understanding grandfather that cared for her more than her own parents. This is probably because he lost his first daughter and never got the chance to save her because he didn't have any money at that time.
Again she sighed, dipping a little painting brush to one of the color and start to work.
Until it's around 5pm, the boys can't find her but instead...
"Akabane-kun~! Help me over here too~!"
His flaming redhead might actually literally burn in flames if he keep on being under this burning sunlight.
The sun is merciless and shining brightly on top of them, both of them are city-boys and suddenly coming to such a place is too sudden and surprising and being asked by Grandma Ai to help the villagers doing their work is...
"Yes~"
Such sweet fake smile is terrifyingly effective in making the women swoon with hearts as eyes after they see Karma's smile.
Nagisa can only sweat-drop seeing the scene that is happening, most of the farmers wants Karma to help them while some just likes Nagisa better since he has better manners and speech than Karma.
"Thanks for the help~"
"Can you please tell us where she is?" Karma is losing his patience so Nagisa took over. "Ah, Michiko-kun? We didn't see her." And Nagisa could've swear he heard the redhead growl.
"Oh, who are they~?"
Or, maybe Nagisa should say that he can hear multiple veins popping. Karma's eyes are gleaming dangerously and Nagisa is the only one right now who is acting as a brake. The girls behind them is swooning while not knowing that the blue-haired boy is facing a crisis to stop his friend from snapping.
It made them unable to see the girl they were looking for is staring at them.
"Michiko-kun! Your friend is looking for you!" it's a good thing for the two boys to have that one woman to say that and bad for Michiko.
The girl step back and slide down to the rice paddy while keeping the end of her sundress up and slowly running and stepping on a higher part of the ground around the rice paddy and continue to run on it.
Knowing this village for a long time, she knows many hiding places. While the other two finally regain their composure and start chasing Michiko, Michiko has already run far that they need to use their full strength.
They ran until they lost her in an orchard, looking around to try to find the black-haired-girl but instead they find a girl on the verge of crying with her black hair covered in mud and once bright yellow sundress turn into s combination of yellow and dirty mud.
"Michiko-chan...?" Nagisa slowly approach the girl who is sitting on the dirty ground with her hands on her thighs.
"You guys are so stubborn..."
"Because we have a stubborn girl to catch."
She snaps her neck and look at them with a glare from her midnight blue eyes and...
"I've had enough anger as it is!"
A mud war starts.
"Oho, enough to set that fire crown of yours ablaze? Beautiful~!"
Even Nagisa is not spared from this childish mud war.
~~XX~~~~~~~~XX~~~~~~~XX~~~~~XX~~~~~~XX~~~
They came back to Grandma Ai's house with dirty, chocolate-look-alike mud sticking to their hair and dirtying their once clean outfits.
Grandma Ai gasp upon seeing the three and quickly ordered them to go clean themselves but since the boys are already at that state, she requested that they help Ayumu pick up some herbs from the forest while Michiko clean up herself.
She washes herself off first to take off the mud that are sticking to her body and mostly her hair, she even wash her hair almost three times just to makes sure that there are no more mud in her hair.
She sighs and slowly dips into the tub after she is certain that the mud are completely off and she look up at the ceiling, feeling her muscles relax in the warm bathwater and herself feeling sleepy from the exhaustion and fatigue.
Before she pass out, Michiko stands up and leave the tub to dry herself, now that she thinks of it... "Why didn't I bring a change of clothes?"
At least she has a towel to cover herself up to the knees, she sit on the part where the floor is not wet and leaning to the wall while looking at the sliding door beside her.
"I might be able to run to my room but... that room is nearby to the boys' room and Ayumu-nii's so..." she is probably cursed to be such a scatterbrain.
There's also going to be a party since the festival is ending tomorrow night and tomorrow there will be another party since Grandma Ai is pretty known by the villagers.
But... it's better to just try her luck than staying here to wait for her death from being too cold. She stands up and step out of the bathroom and look around before sighing and start to walk through the narrow hallways...
"Oh."
She ran back and throws a bucket at Karma but missed and instead hit Nagisa who just show up without knowing what in the world happened.
"Ahaha, you look so small~!"
"Turn back!"
She shut the sliding door again but then peeks, only showing her head to them and a hand to tell them to come closer. Nagisa is still recovering from the hit while Karma already steps closer to her.
"What is it?"
"I didn't bring a change... please?"
The redhead smirk and lean closer to her, making the girl blush from the closeness. "So, you want me to bring your clothes? What would be the catch~?"
She groaned and wonder, what would give Karma the satisfaction he need. "I'll attend school as soon Korosensei has enough fun in the festival." And he smirks.
"Good."
XX~~~~XX~~~~XXX~~~~~~XX~~XX~~~~~XX~
Michiko still didn't show up at the party but it still goes well even though some of the old women asked where 'Michiko-kun' is. Well, it seems that the tomboyish Michiko made a name here.
The boys help a lot during the party and Karma even wanted to lure Nagisa into trying some sake but Ayumu caught them before they got to taste some for the sake of their curiosity but the bottle they had actually was just some dishwater that they mix together and tried teasing Ayumu.
Ayumu did not get lured into drinking the dishwater but instead he splashes it to them.
"Sorry, I thought I see some dirt there."
And it got them good.
Karma had fun helping in cooking and amazed some of the young girls with his skills but still he wasn't fazed even when the flower of the village approach him, mischief is his only partner but then...
If he can tame Michiko and dig into her, he might get a good partner in crime. Nagisa told a lot of stories back when Michiko and Akane were seatmates.
"There was this one time when Akane was the last one to try to goal into the basketball ring, Michiko stayed beside her and show Akane how to do it easily with her height. There's also a time when Michiko brought the rarest reference book that had all the answers we needed for a test but she only showed Akane."
Basically, having Michiko as a partner is like having a strong and loyal intel that lives up to her name; intelligent and bright.
"Michiko."
Akane nudge Michiko's shoulder and the girl look at her.
"Hmm?"
"I got my sis to answer these pop quizzes..."
And the other girl gives her thumbs up with a smirk.
XXXXXXXXXX
"If you do it like this, you'll goal a lot and might even do a combo."
During that time, Michiko went to buy something at the cafeteria and came back to the field to see her progress. Akane was the last since her name is at last because she's a transfer student.
She bought two iced tea, one for Akane when she's done and one more for her. She watch intently since Michiko is not the type to cheer with voice but with her presence and will only comfort with voice when needed.
And Akane goaled around 9 and missed 4 times while Michiko only missed 3 goals before she gets to 10.
"That advice and way you told me really works!"
"I already told you, watching anime is not always bad."
"Oh yeah, that Kuroko no Basket thing you told me."
XXXXXXXX
Some of the stories Nagisa told him made him laugh so loudly that Michiko actually came out only to throw a book at him but again missed but hit Nagisa, again.
The girl went back inside her room and didn't show up after that.
Time passes on and he woke up in the middle of the night since he is thirsty and went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water.
But he didn't pass the chance to check on the black-haired girl and he find another pile of crumpled papers scattered around the room.
She peek through and sees the boy cleaning up her mess, she nibble her lower lip and try to raise her voice but Karma still can't hear her voice and she tried again and he heard it.
"What?"
She made a hand gesture to make him come closer and when he eventually was right in front of the closet, she put a hand out and takes him inside. He was surprised but the girl look at him curiously yet apologetically.
"Sorry..." a hand find itself stroking her long black hair that has been let out untied for a long time. "Ne, I wanted to show you something."
Michiko turned around and opened the laptop, opening some kind of file that he find out to be a video; an animation.
It's black and white and sometime there would be some parts that are digitally drawn even though he had to admit that the black and white parts are better but the colored ones refreshed them.
In those few minutes that seem to be long, the story involves a girl as she goes from stage to stage, a seven year old who lives far away from her hometown with her parents.
The girl is energetic and cheerful; she's probably manlier than even her male cousins. She likes to prank people and tease them nonstop once she start.
When she turned ten, somehow the troublemaker girl starts becoming more normal and loving the way people praises her achievements in school. She have great friends at school and around her house but slowly she starts getting this feeling, lonely feeling. Her cousins moved back to Tokyo, leaving her alone without a friend when holiday came.
Finding the position he is in was uncomfortable, Karma bent his knees and put his legs between Michiko who is in front of him. The mischievous boy put his head on hers and his hands around her waist.
Michiko doesn't complain but just wants to hide under the younger male's shadow since this is pretty embarrassing.
She became much more like a shut-in and people began to forgot her existence, nobody remember her birthday, nobody remember to at least share something with her and even her sibling forgot about her.
A simple ghost.
The girl tried to be better when she finally try to bond with the social world again, she try to be liked by everyone and try to change herself but that is what is wrong. She was liked and loved and yet people still find one simple flaw and she is hated just like that.
Everything she worked up on ruined, everyone looking at her with eyes not of like or care but something else entirely and yet... where have everything she have worked on gone to? She turned again into a silent and reserved girl who is unable to say what she had in mind.
She was lied at, betrayed, and lost her friends.
Even though the few other she can still trust is still wavering between trusting her or not, a boy and a girl still trust her and cared for her even though they know about her weaknesses more than anyone.
XX-XX-XX-XX
I know what that story is about and to think that she has the time to make this is amazing. But, I guess to her, her drawings are a way to tell her feelings, to transfer her feelings.
She used to ask me what do I see in her drawings but I always answer that I don't know. It's hard to find out but Nagisa would usually narrow his eyes and sigh.
"What does depression feel like?"
I hug her and ask it in her ear, the black haired girl is still silent but she said in a slightly above whisper voice. I can barely hear it so I hug her tighter.
"What does it feel like?"
Still, her voice is only slightly above a whisper so I can't hear it clearly. I know that she is uncertain but I reassure her to talk by nuzzling my nose in the nook of her pale white neck.
"I don't know..."
It was short but I need more detail to fully understand what she feel like, to know what I have to do to comfort her to give her what she wants and to give her the love that she oh-so-desired.
"What more?"
"I... it's dark and I can't see what is true in my eyes and I... can't even see if I'm real or not. It's lonely in this darkness, I'm all alone without a single person minding me and when I did do something terribly wrong, suddenly I'm in plain sight. I just want to disappear, I just want to be forgotten, I want to forget, I want to die and yet I can't and I don't know if I want to. My moods change fast like the channels in the television, my confidence falter and it feels like there's something pressing on my heart to make me stop breathing."
I kept my silence and hug her closer to me, I can feel her hands holding my arms that are hugging her, the grasp feel almost desperate ; desperately looking for help.
"Nobody hears to me, nobody cares for me and yet I know that there's someone right beside me who knows that I'm in pain. I can't speak for myself and yet there she is in front of me, fighting with her vocal cords. 'Leave her alone.' She said in a stern voice."
Somehow, I know who she meant; Akane. Both Nagisa and Yui hinted that she is the one girl who knows Michiko's secrets all the way to the very deepest part of her heart.
XX~~~XX~~~~XX
"Why won't you guys just leave her alone?!"
I can't see her quite well from my blurry and wet eyes; her raging reddish brown hair is what I can see.
"Aoi, don't bother her anymore, we all know that she is crying!"
I can feel her hand.
"Michiko, come on now... You're an idiotic girl enough to be a retard if you continue on crying."
I can hear her usual harsh words and yet it calms me.
XX~~~XX~~~XX
She has been awfully silent and move my arm a little to remind her of the world around her.
"Michiko?"
"Karma-kun, why do people hate my real self? Who is my 'real' self anyway?"
"Have you ever consulted it with your parents?"
"Didn't you hear me?! Nobody hears and nobody cares... I told them and they shut me off immediately. I can't say a thing because of my disappointment..."
Still, I kept my silence. The mention of my parents is still a bit sour because they always go out of town and even out of the country without me, I never got the time to talk to them and it feels more like we are strangers; strangers that know each other very well.
"I was never told to talk back, even if I want to, even if I want to tell them... they'll never understand because they think that depression is something that comes and goes, to me it haunts until it can kill me, until it can make me drown in my own blood. Dad never asks more and never bothered to talk. Mama has never let me have a say in arguments and it's always her to point out my mistakes and yet I have so much to say but she never let me say what I have in mind. They say I'm ill-tempered and moody, they are the ones that built me to be this way, wanted me to be flawless and they are more troublesome than I am. I... people never realize their own annoying flaws but they always bad talk other people."
"I was a ghost in their house. If I want to eat, eat; if I want to play, play; if I want to laugh, laugh; but never ever talk back and say that my life is hard and painful... because theirs are harder. They have friends, loved ones and they don't even have depression... and here their oldest daughter is ranting and crying, they never cared and when they do, they don't understand and shrug it off when they think it has passed."
I reach my hand to her shoulder, still hugging her and I can feel her teardrops wetting my arm. We are both slightly forgotten by our parents, we are far from them and yet we know each other very well. We grow up to be independent but it's the bad way of independence since we never learn how to convey our feelings in raw words.
"People think that I'm flawless, people think that I'm smart, people think that I'm beautiful, they think that I am strong and independent but in truth..."
I know in truth what she is like, if only people observe her more often and try to know her better; they'll know the girl under the mask adorned by a wide smile.
"You're a childish girl who wants to be loved and given attention. You worked hard to gain the attention you so desired and yet it only drifted you apart from those you want it from. You're broken in the mind but nobody knows that and you try to mask every pain you felt... right?"
She nod weakly, I can feel her tears began to soak my arm. It's cold but warm at the same time. She has cried in the dark and when people can't see her, she cries until she can't anymore.
"Whatever I do, it's wrong and when I want to know what is wrong, I find it unreasonable... I just want to hide and ignore the sun and moon that is rolling in the sky, I just want to... leave a peaceful life and go away from this eight million shards of pain."
What did she do wrong? I don't know but I can tell that she just wants to do something right but those people think that she is nosy but it's just that she doesn't want them to feel her pain of being neglected.
Michiko is caring and kind and yet people misinterpret her intentions and came to hate her when she does something not to their liking.
She's just a victim to this hateful world.
((This is just how I feel about depression. This might be wrong in some parts but this is just how I feel when depression befalls me. Also, why I choose depression as her problem? It just fit such a 'flawless' girl and a much more normal yet not normal problem.))