Kurt

When Cooper had called me and suggested Blaine come visit, my instinctive reaction was one of pure joy. Then I remembered that I've been actively avoiding him for over a week and I forced myself to admit to Cooper that it might not be a good idea.

"I think that's exactly why it's a good idea, actually," he informed me. "Because my brother is hurting, and I don't want that for him."

"Neither do I."

"Then make it better."

"I'm not sure that I can."

"You can, you've just both got to be honest with each other. Your dad said..."

"My dad?"

"Yeah. I wanted to see what he thought. He said that you both feel the same as each other, but you're both too scared to admit it. That's dumb, man. I'd give anything to find something like you two have, or could have. You need to get over yourselves, and the only way you can do that is by being face to face."

"So you're just sending him here? Really? I don't get any say in this?"

"Oh you get a say. You can decline. But if you do, then you're going to be the one to call Blaine and tell him, not me."

I sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I do really like the thought of him being here with me, and I could change work around a bit... But what about school?"

"Blaine needs a break from school. I was down for this being a weekend trip, but my dad and yours both suggested longer."

"Wow. Okay," I said, suddenly filled with hope. If everyone's rooting for us like this, then we must have something worth saving, right? "Yeah, okay, let's do this then."

So now I'm standing in the arrivals hall, waiting for Blaine who should, according to the screen above me, be arriving any moment. Cooper told me he would have assistance when his flight landed, and all I have to do is wait by the barrier, in front of the automatic doors, holding a sign with his name on it, which is what I am now doing.

The trouble is, Blaine doesn't arrive. I wait and I wait and I wait, and all the while, panic builds inside of me. What if he refused to get on the plane? What if he somehow got lost in Ohio and now he's languishing in Columbus airport? I'm just contemplating calling him when I notice him coming toward me, and my heart gives a painful lurch.

He's alone, looking more scared and fearful than I've ever seen. Pulling a carry on behind him, with his cane out in front, he's muttering to himself, his dark glasses over his eyes to hide his fear, but I know it, I can sense that he's minutes away from a total panic attack. The muscle in his neck is twitching, he bites his lip continuously, and he's gripping his cane so hard that his knuckles are turning white.

"Blaine!" It was a mistake to call. It disorientates him; his usually perfect hearing is offset by the noise of the airport and the huge amount of people milling about. But he's heard me and he's turning his head this way and that to try and hear me again, so I have no choice but to lean as far over the barrier as I can, and yell again.

"Blaine! I'm here. Right in front of you. Just keep walking forward."

No one helps him. Not one, single person stops to ask the blind young man if he might need assistance. If it weren't for the burly looking security guards then I'd climb over the barrier and run through those automatic doors to get to him, but I don't fancy my chances.

As it is, the doors stay open because another flight is coming through, so I can keep calling to him, but it's difficult with so many people pushing past him. "Come on, Blaine. I'm right here, I promise."

He makes it through, and then his hand finds the barrier, the relief flooding his face. "I'm here?"

"You're here. Oh, Blaine." I lean right over, hugging him tight, but he quickly pulls back, his fingers dancing over my face as he smiles, then frowns. "You're crying."

"Just... Seeing you...and you were struggling."

"I still am."

"I'm here now."

"No one met me."

"No."

"Cooper said they would, but someone I spoke with said they were short staffed so..."

"Come this way, come on, walk to the end of the barrier with me, then I can hold you properly."

He does so, and I realize how desperate I've been for his embrace. His touch is like no other, and though I've not had nearly enough of it, it makes me feel complete, like I'm home. "I've missed you," I murmur into his neck.

"You have? Huh. Strange. Usually, when you miss people, you call them to say hi."

"Woah. Yes, okay, you do, and I'm sorry for not calling. I didn't realize we were going to get into this right away."

"You expect me to just stay silent?" Blaine asks, and I see that the fear has been replaced by anger. "I'm annoyed, upset, and hurt, Kurt. I've been put on a plane, informed that I'm traveling alone, and that I'll be away from home for a week instead of two nights, and then I land here and I'm left on my own to navigate my way to a man who doesn't even want me here in the first place!"

"That's... That's not true," I stutter weakly. "And you didn't want to come?"

"I... I did and I didn't," he admits, hanging his head. "I wanted to be with you again, but I don't want to hear that this might be over."

"Do you want it to be over?"

"No."

"Neither do I. So it isn't."

"We need to talk, though."

"I know. Let's just... Let's just get you settled, and then we'll go get dinner and discuss things, okay?"

He nods sadly, but doesn't lift his head. "Okay."

I take his hand, but he moves it up to hold my arm instead. "Right. We'll get a cab to mine."

"Your place?" The alarm in his voice makes me stop in my tracks. "I'd rather go to my hotel, first, if that's okay."

"Um...Blaine? You're staying with me."

"I'm what?"

"You're... Did nobody tell you this?"

"No! When Cooper was coming we were staying in a hotel. I had no reason to assume that had changed!"

"Except that Cooper was never coming on this trip," I say gently. "And you must've known I'd want you with me?"

"I don't know anything in that regard."

"Fine. Okay. Will you stay with me, please?"

"My parents will freak."

"They know. So will you?"

"I don't know, because I don't know what I'll do if things go wrong."

"Just have faith, okay?" I cry. I'm losing my patience. Seeing Blaine again has unearthed a whole slew of emotion and all I want is for him to smile and kiss me, but he's being stubborn and defiant and though I understand why, it still hurts.

"I don't like being treated like I'm a commodity! Like my thoughts and opinions don't matter. Cooper convinced me to come here, with him, for two nights, so that you and I could talk. What I've ended up being coerced into is something entirely different, and no one's giving me a chance to say what I think or feel about any of it!"

I nod, though he can't see, and gently touch his shoulder, hurt when he flinches. "Sorry. You're right. We none of us asked you, we all just assumed we knew what was best... But would you have come, if this option was presented to you?"

"Probably not."

"Then am I allowed to be entirely selfish and say that maybe I'm glad we didn't ask, since I'm so pleased you're here?"

He shrugs, and though I might be imagining it, I think I see a smile twitch at the corner of his mouth. "You can say it."

"So will you come to my place? If you don't like it, or you don't want to stay, I can get you a hotel, I promise, or if you don't want to share a bed with me I'll go in Rachel's room. My roommates are gone all weekend."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

Unsurprisingly, Blaine is very quiet on the cab journey to my apartment. I feel a twinge of regret that he can't experience the joy of seeing New York for the first time, and the view of the Brooklyn Bridge, but I'm not sure he'd be in the mood to enjoy it anyway.

"Third floor," I tell him, unlocking the door to my building.

"How many steps?"

"I don't know."

"Fifty two," he tells me at the top, and then I show him inside.

"So...what works for you? You want me to guide you about, or let you find your own way? Describe it to you?"

"Show me about, describing as you go, please."

"Sure." I look around the cramped space and take his arm. "Well, this is the kitchen and living room all in one, so the only barriers are the couches and the table here, I guess. Put your left hand out. That's the fridge. The door next to that is the bathroom, the only one, and the door the other side of that is my room, so that should be easy enough. Next door along is Rachel's room. Santana's room is all the way over here, since she's toxic, and that's it. That's my little apartment."

"It seems nice."

"Thanks." I look about, while Blaine stands patiently waiting. "So... Do you want to take a shower or anything? Watch...listen...to the TV?"

"You said we'd get dinner."

"Yes. Yes we can. Want to go into Manhattan?"

"It makes no difference to me."

I sigh heavily, hoping he'll notice my ever increasing annoyance at his surliness, but he just stands there, waiting. "Fine. We have to take the subway. I know a good Mexican place."

I get the feeling that if Blaine didn't need to hold my arm, he'd be walking five paces behind me, sulking. I'm now past the point of caring. It's nearly eight, and I'm hungry. We can eat while he sulks, and then talk, I decide, but by the time we enter the subway, I'm feeling just as mutinous as he is, and we are decidedly not talking at all.

Only, when we arrive on the platform, a train rattles past on the other side, and Blaine cries out, immediately seeking safety by wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his head in my neck.

"Oh, hey," I say, softening instantly. "It's okay. They're loud. You get used to it though, trust me."

"No." He stiffens and pulls away, his face fixed straight ahead. "I won't."

He flinches the entire time we're on the train, and I reach out to him several times, but I'm constantly rebuffed, as if he's ashamed of having briefly let his guard down, so now he feels like he has to make up for it. My mutiny is replaced by a frustrated, burning anger so intense and fierce that it's only a matter of time before it bubbles over.

"So the restaurant is about a block from here," I say as we leave the subway. "The burritos are amazing. Or we could share tacos?"

"Kurt!"

I stop, looking about me, trying to work out what can possibly be wrong this time. "What?"

"The noise!" He looks close to tears as I tug him along. "It's so loud. I can't..."

"You can," I say firmly. "Cross this street with me. It's literally right around this corner."

"No, Kurt, I can't. I don't like it."

"Blaine, will you quit? Everything is too loud, too much, too difficult for you. Just try, please!"

"I can't!" he yells loudly, tearing at his hair. "I can't try, because I don't know what there is to try for anymore. You told me I could light up the sky but you know what? I only wanted to light it up for you, Kurt. No one else, just you. I wanted to light it up in a thousand different colors for you, only you went all weird on me and now I'm so confused. You say you want me here, in your bed, no less, but you won't call me or speak to me properly. You're rushing me about, not giving me any time to adjust and all I can think is that you can't really, truly want me here because if you did, you'd show a little more consideration."

I yell right back, my volume forcing him up against a store window. "Consideration? Consider this, Blaine Anderson. I didn't call, because I was trying not to ask you to think about applying to New York for college. All I've been able to think about is how amazing it would be to have you here next year, only then I think that's unfair on you, because you shouldn't feel beholden to me like that, you should be free to go to college, and get drunk, and date whomever you choose... and so yeah, I've been weird, because I don't know how to be around you without blurting all of that out. You know what else? When Cooper called me, I felt like I'd been given a lifeline, because I thought that maybe you'd get here, fall in love with the place like I have, and realize we could make a go of things here, only now I've probably ruined all of that."

"Kurt..." He pauses, reaching one hand out. "I..."

"I've fallen for you so hard, Blaine, don't you get that? It fucking hurts to think you've found the one, only you can't have done, because 'the one' is a teenager, with his whole life ahead of him, and so much potential that you have no right to take it all away from him. That's what's wrong, Blaine, it fucking hurts."

"Kurt..."

I turn and run, with tears streaming down my face, leaving Blaine alone on the streets of Manhattan.