FINDING ABSOLUTION
Chapter 21: Together
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately I do not own anything that is Criminal Minds. I do own my Original Characters, Original stories, and ideas. I am borrowing CM characters, past stories, and settings for temporary use in my story. Thank You to CBS, the actors & crew for allowing us to watch this wonderful show every week.
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"David responded, "Anytime my friend, anytime." Earning a genuine smile from each of the older profilers.
As the team started trickling in, Hotch sat at his desk, waiting patiently for Reid – still unsure of what he would say to the young subordinate. He had spoken with Section Chief Cruz already about Reid's recuperation and return to work status. Chief Cruz had also decided that he would try to delay the board inquiry until next week, if possible, to allow them more time to get prepared. The last thing he wanted to do, was to add any more pressure on the team concerning this inquiry.
As Morgan and Reid walked off the elevator, Derek protectively stepped in front of the genius – with his hands extended out – in an effort to stop the brightly colored force that was about to overcome them. "Easy baby girl, easy! Don't knock him over. We don't want him to get another concussion. He just got here."
Garcia came to an abrupt stop as she approached the two profilers. Reid found himself unable to stop laughing as the scene unfolded before of him. A very furious Penelope stared Derek down then looked over his shoulder at Reid. "I'll have you know Derek Morgan, I am not going to injure my junior G-man. I just wanted to welcome him properly with a huge hug from his biggest fan!" She shoved her 'chocolate thunder' out of her way, and proceeded to engulf Reid in the biggest hug he had ever received from Garcia… or anyone for that matter!
"I am so very glad to see you here. Make sure you don't get too busy today! If you need to lay down at any time… I have my lair already perfectly set up for your arrival for a quick nap – if needed." Spencer pulled apart from Penelope and whispered "thank you, Garcia" in her ear and then gave her a cute little grin of appreciation. "I am sure I'll be fine, but I will keep it in mind. You really didn't have to go to any extra trouble for me… I know you are super busy."
Penelope gave him a small glare and then spoke her peace. Gingerly, but yet forcefully to make him understand. She placed her hands on his cheeks and looked directly into his loving, brown eyes, "I want you to understand something. OK? You, my dear genius, are super important to me and if there is anything I can ever do to help you… all you have to do is say so. Got it?!"
With his nod of understanding and an uncomfortable moment of silence; Reid accepted her statement and reconfirmed his acceptance of the offer. He then excused himself from the two of them, so he could go to his desk and put his stuff away. Before he could walk away from his desk… so he could eagerly try to go get a hot cup of coffee to start his work day; Reid looked up and saw JJ walking up to greet him.
After a few moments of hugging, reassuring her that he was ok, and a mild motherly scolding from his best friend about being needlessly embarrassed about being injured while at work, Reid and JJ went their separate ways. At this point Reid was desperately yearning for his sugary life substance and was hoping to not be interrupted before he could obtain it.
Before he could indulge in his first sip though, Mogan came up behind him and reminded him that Savannah wanted him to limit his consumption of it for the day. Spencer looked at Derek, nodded a big YES, then grinned from ear to ear as he savored the aroma & flavor of the almost scalding hot liquid… as it slid down his throat; earning a small chuckle from his friend as he turned around and walked to his office.
As Reid stood in the breakroom drinking his coffee, he glanced at the clock and decided to get back to his desk. Leaving the breakroom, he glanced around the room and saw Morgan leaving Hotch's office. He assumed that Morgan was giving their boss an update and remembered that the Unit Chief wanted to speak with him too, first thing this morning. So, after setting his cup down on his desk, Reid headed up to see his boss. He didn't really mind going and seeing Hotch, especially since they have such a good relationship as boss and as friend; but for some reason, he felt like a young child having to go see the principle.
A light knock was placed on the door of the Unit Chief, while a fidgeting Reid waited for a reply. He soon was asked to enter and was greeted by his boss looking up from his paperwork with a rare, small smile on his face. Hotch walked from behind his desk, closed the door, and motioned for Reid to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk. As the two got ready to have their conversation, Aaron tried to relax the situation and also Reid, who was clearly nervous for some reason. He leaned on the edge of his desk in a sitting position.
Reid shifted in his seat, then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees… all the while looking at his shoes. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly; then he looked up at his boss and long-time friend. Very cautiously Aaron began, "Reid, How are you feeling today? Are you ready to be back or do you want another day or two off to rest? I am asking out of concern. I want you to stay if you feel well enough to work, but you know the limitations Savannah has suggested and that I totally agree with."
Spencer sat up straight and looked into the face of his supervisor. Nodding with confidence he answered, "I am feeling much better, thank you for asking and for the concern. When I was down there in the PIT, I completely got caught up in the memories associated with the personal cases I was pulling for review. I know you warned us that it could happen, but I never thought it would have that strong of an effect on me. I can usually distance my emotions, compartmentalize them for later use, if needed. You know… my eidetic memory never lets me forget the details of a case, but I have learned how to push the emotional attachments aside so they don't interfere with my duties."
Sighing deeply again, Reid finished saying, "Physically, I am fine. The headache is minimal and it is being controlled with the IB she gave me to take and my vision is back to normal too. Emotionally, I can only say that I'm uncertain if I will have another episode of the overwhelming emotions that crashed down upon me. But I will gladly agree to and welcome any other restrictions you give me. I can do my job Hotch. I know without a doubt that I can; but if you would feel better giving me a shadow – someone to follow me around - then I'm ok with that too. I completely understand how upset I made you all feel and the last thing I want is to give you any other reason to worry about me."
Now the moment the Unit chief had been waiting for had arrived. He looked at his team genius for several minutes before speaking. "Reid; Spencer… I want you to know that I trust you and that I am not even slightly concerned about your abilities to do this job. You are more than my subordinate, you are part of this team… our family. What worries me is the pain these cases will possibly make us all deal with; experiences that we would all rather forget – to be quiet honest. If anyone can help get us thru this, it is you. With your memory recall, you will help us remember details that we might have subconsciously forgotten – as our own coping mechanisms. But it pains me to think that all these drudged up cases could have the strongest impact on you because of that very ability. It's bad enough that you will be helping us with our cases, but then, also the painfully personal cases that you were involved with. One of the characteristic traits that you have that I admire most about you, is the way you see every person as a person; not just a killer… but as someone who has a mental problem and how you try your hardest for a peaceable outcome so the Unsub can get the help they so desperately need."
Spencer sat there feeling totally in awe of what his boss had just said about him. For years he had felt that way about his mind, torn between hating it as the curse it felt like sometimes and trying to use it for making the world a better place. He always wanted to make his mom proud with his life, even if she wouldn't always remember everything he'd accomplished or approve of him working for "the government fascists" that she so passionately despised.
He had not realized - even after all these years, just how much his boss actually understood that there were demons involved in having an eidetic mind; that it wasn't just a tool to be used or a blessing to have, but it could be a downfall also. Spencer sighed a small sigh and then looked out towards the bull-pin.
"You know Hotch, I have always wanted to do something right with my life that would also leave a positive imprint on the world. When I guest teach or speak, I feel like I can at least share my knowledge & the love of learning to eager minds; instilling in them a desire to want to do the same one day. When I took this job, so many years ago… I had no idea how it would impact my life. Even with all the negative experiences I've gone thru… this is where I belong. I even questioned that once… several years ago, and when I thought long & hard about it, I came to the only conclusion that was right for me; and I am here still yet today because THIS is where I WANT to be. "
"I truly appreciate the support and concern from you, but I am honestly telling you that I AM OK. If the time comes when I feel so overwhelmed with this job that I can't do it any longer… you will be the first one I come to for help and advice. While this recent task we face will probably be disruptive or at the very least uncomfortable to all of us, I want more than anything to be here to help anyway I can. What happened the other day was an unplanned consequence to my inflated ego that 'this won't affect me'. I needed to become aware of my own shortcomings so I can plan better, to finish the task at hand."
The Unit Chief looked at his friend & subordinate nodded his head in understanding. "OK Reid. I trust you and your decision; but I want you to abide in my own safeguards I have in place for you. I want to keep you safe from any more harm – not just physically but mentally also. Go and do what you need to do, but do it with caution, awareness, and most importantly… don't push yourself. The director has personally emailed me and told me to have you come to his office sometime today and see him. Please just let me know before you go, so I won't worry about your absence. Take as much time as you need. All of this will be here when you get back."
Both men stood. Hotch walked Reid to the door but stopped before he opened it, leaving his hand on the doorknob. "As I said earlier… we are a team, a family. We celebrate together, grow with each other, and even grieve with each other. We will get thru this as a team… together. We accepted, worked, and solved these cases TOGETHER. There is no I in the word T.E.A.M. Please let me know when you are ready for all of us to come together & revisit these cases." And with that he put his hand on Spencer's shoulder, giving it a small squeeze as a sign of unity, and allowed Reid to leave.
A few minutes later, with resolute conviction of accomplishing his task set before him and a fresh cup of hot coffee; Spencer knocked on the door of David Rossi. The senior agent opened his door and engulfed Reid in a hug after they entered his office. "Ummm Rossi… what was that for?" Spencer asked inquisitively. "That my dear genius was because you scared the hell out of me the other day and I just needed to know that you are okay."
Reid smiled as an acknowledgement of sentiment and concern. "I'm very sorry I scared you, it was very unintentional I assure you." Trying to lighten the mood he gently chuckled and stated, "Evidentially, I am not as immune to the buried feelings of the past as I thought I was. Yes, I am OK and yes, I guess you will get to see first-hand – since Hotch has requested and I would like to ask for you to accompany me today… as my shadow and overseer."
David Rossi looked at the man standing before him (whom he thought of as the son he never got to raise) and shook his head no. "Reid, our friend Aaron may have requested it and I may go along with you, but I will be damned if I will be your 'shadow or overseer'. We will work side by side, doing whatever we need to do, but we will do it as a team because that is what we are! There will be coffee breaks, laughter, and yes even quiet, somber times as we dive into these cases and evidence boxes… but from now on… for any and all of us – we will be united- not mere individuals. I have your back and I trust you will have mine. There are a lot of boxed up cases that have had a personal impact on each of us. I'm just glad that we will be doing it together. Now… shall we go and get started?"
And with that… both men exited the office of the BAU co-founder and headed down to The Pit to start their task for the day; each man working next to each other, feeling the unspoken support from the presence of each other being there.
A/N: Well… I'm sure you're surprised to see this way overdue update. To say I'm deeply sorry for the long wait would be mere words… but it is truly heartfelt. Life can get so complicated sometimes. So to make up for it… here is my next chapter for you all and it is definitely longer than usual. Hopefully it's not too long. Enjoy and please feel free to review and comment or suggest. I will be trying my darndest to be quicker with the next update. Please stay with me & my story and a BIG WELCOME to my newest readers/followers.