This was a tricky one - whether to get the collar off or not. So - I compromised! Sorry if you don't like but there is a reason. Feedback is appreciated.
"Sam, something's wrong! Take it away." Daniel yelled sharply.
As she touched the collar with the rod there had, at first, been no reaction from Jack. A couple of seconds later his eyes had rolled back in his head and he'd collapsed, only held up by Daniel and Teal'c on either side of him.
"Oh my God", Sam cried, dropping the rod and rushing up to him. As Teal'c laid Jack down on the bench his teammates looked to see if he was okay.
"His pulse is racing. How's his breathing?" Daniel asked.
"It seems fine – a little shallow but okay. This shouldn't have happened. I had it on the lowest setting. Oh God Jack, I'm sorry!" Sam sat on the ground beside him with her hand on his chest. Maybe touching the mark there would help as it had before.
As the three friends watched, Jack slowly opened his eyes but stared straight ahead, no expression in them. He registered neither pain nor awareness of anything around him. He simply lay there, not blinking, not moving. The collar was still firmly encircling his neck.
"He appears to be catatonic. Much as he did following the Ancient download." Teal'c observed, also extremely worried about his friend.
"You don't think that's what happened do you Sam?"
"I don't know. I hoped that this might release the collar. I never imagined anything like this. Let's see if we can wake him up. Jack. Jack please, come on. We need you to wake up. "
Nothing happened. The longer he lay there the more worried everyone became. It didn't appear as if his life was in danger but he continued as if unaware of anything around him. After 20 minutes or so, they decided he'd be better off somewhere more comfortable so they moved him to a bed in the back of the wagon. All three of his teammates sat beside him, hoping that he would soon awaken.
At first he'd simply felt a tingling from the collar. It had actually been rather pleasant, giving him a feeling of warmth and relaxation similar to what he felt when Sam touched the marks on his back and chest. A couple of seconds into it, however, the tingling had become more of a buzz, as if he were attached to some kind of intense vibrator. Lights had begun to appear in front of his eyes, faster and brighter. Then, everything had gone completely dark. Suddenly, he felt as if he were completely alone, someplace in deep dark space with no light, no sound, no feeling.
The darkness and loneliness were terrifying, but he couldn't move. He could feel nothing. Once, many years ago, he had been in a sensory deprivation tank – that's what if felt like to him now. He wanted to scream, to pound his heels, to throw his body down but he could do none of those things.
Not sure of how much time had passed as he existed in the darkness and 'nothingness' he was greatly relieved when a tiny pinpoint of light appeared. The relief lasted only a moment for the light began to grow until soon it consumed everything. From being in total darkness, he now existed in brilliant light. Oddly enough, though, it didn't feel hot. Instead he felt as if his body was immersed in a cooling bath.
Okay, O'Neill, he thought to himself, whatever is happening is totally weird and I've had enough. Pull yourself out man! Not surprisingly, nothing happened so he remained surrounded and filled with the cooling light.
Again, sometime into the 'light phase' things began to change. Okay, he thought, must be the 70's as the lights began to strobe. Pulses of lights bombarded him and felt like they were stabbing right through him. After a while they began to pulse rhythmically and soon he could feel his heart beating in time to the lights. Pretty soon, it was as if his thoughts were also keeping time to the strobes.
This must be the ultimate acid trip. He wished he could just 'say no' and make this bizarre experience stop.
"His pulse and breathing are both speeding up Sam."
"I know. I don't know what's happening. This is my fault. I should never have tried the damn thing. What was I thinking?"
"You were thinking that you wanted to help O'Neill. You did the right thing Major Carter. You were not to know this would happen. Please do not feel guilty over this. You know that O'Neill would not want you to feel badly."
"I know, but he trusted me Teal'c and now I've screwed things up."
"No, look Sam. I think he's coming out of it."
Sure enough, Jack appeared to be coming back to them. At first he simply blinked a couple of times, then, he took a deep breath. Finally, he turned his head and looked at Sam and then at Daniel and Teal'c. His expression didn't change but he did seem to see them.
"Jack. Are you okay?" Sam asked, worried about his seeming lack of recognition or response. He was clearly conscious but wasn't responding to them.
He slowly sat up, still without expression. He sat for a couple of minutes, not moving. Just as they began to get more worried, he blinked again and then seemed to shake himself out of whatever state he was in. He looked over at Sam, this time with recognition in his eyes.
Relieved, she smiled at him. "I'm so sorry Jack. I didn't know this would happen. Are you okay?"
Still looking at her he nodded briefly. Without taking his eyes off of her he reached up slowly, with both hands, and touched the collar around his neck.
"I know. It didn't work, but we'll try something else. We can…"
Jack reached out and put his finger over her lips, stopping her from speaking. He then reached back to the collar. Staring directly into Sam's eyes, he didn't move. Suddenly, without warning, the collar opened in his hands. Without any change in expression he pulled it slowly from his neck and handed it to her.
"Jack! My God, it came off! Sam, you were right, it worked." Daniel was so excited he was practically jumping up and down where he sat.
At first she was thrilled when he handed her the collar but, looking back at him, she grew concerned. He didn't look happy. If anything, he looked almost upset.
"Jack, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
He nodded briefly and gave a little smile, which didn't quite reach his eyes.
Daniel was still so happy he didn't notice that Jack himself didn't look excited.
"You can speak now Jack. Come on. Say something!"
Jack simply looked over at the younger man and then closed his eyes. Without opening them he simply shook his head once.
"Daniel Jackson, I think O'Neill needs to rest. Let us leave him now. We can see how he is in the morning."
"But Teal'c, Sam, why is everyone so serious? This is great. The collar is off. Aren't you happy Jack?"
Jack didn't respond, he just sat with his eyes closed.
Teal'c stood up and pulled Daniel up with him. "Let us go now. We will return. If you need us Major Carter, please call us. O'Neill, take care. We are here if you need us."
Daniel continued to protest as Teal'c pulled him away.
Sam sat down next to Jack and put her arms around him. He then leaned his head onto her shoulder, completely overwhelmed with all that had happened.
How could he describe to his friends what he'd experienced? He himself wasn't sure what all that had been about, but he knew something significant had happened. In some ways it did remind him of the Ancient download but he knew that it was, in fact, different. He was somehow changed, but whether for good or bad he didn't know. What he did know, was that it had something to do with the damn marks on his chest.
He wished he could explain all of this to Sam but didn't even know where to start or what to say. He thought he'd better just sleep on it and tell her tomorrow.
And that was another thing! He was sure that they must have thought he wasn't happy to get the collar off, which wasn't true. Part of him was thrilled. A large part, however, was frightened. Daniel seemed to think he would suddenly just start speaking again. The problem was, Jack didn't know if he could.
Consciously, he knew the collar was gone. Subconsciously, however, his mind was so conditioned into not allowing him to speak that he didn't know if he could overcome it. The thought of even trying made him physically sick. He didn't want anyone to know but he was terrified to speak. He no longer even made sounds in his nightmares so convinced was his mind that it would cause extreme pain.
He only hoped that, over time, he could loose that fear and overcome the conditioning.
As all these thoughts swirled through his mind he lay with his head in Sam's lap, allowing her to gently stroke his hair. Eventually, he grew tired and drifted off to sleep, unsure what tomorrow would bring.
Sam sat there long after Jack had fallen asleep. Although she did not know exactly what had happened to him, she did know that something had happened. She could tell from looking at him that something momentous had occurred. She just hoped he'd be able to tell her after he'd had a chance to assimilate everything.
As far as his speaking was concerned, she suspected that it wasn't as simple as losing the collar. She knew enough about torture and behavior modification to know that this might be something that would be hard for Jack to overcome. She realized that it was important that she speak with everyone, privately, to explain otherwise they'd all be expecting him to suddenly begin talking up a storm.
She laughed quietly at the mental picture of a Jack who wouldn't stop talking! That'll be the day. She did long to hear him crack some of his old jokes, though, and come out with some scathingly sarcastic rejoinders. She could now admit to herself how much she'd missed that part of Jack. He'd always had the ability to make her laugh, often at the most awkward times. Sometimes, of course, she'd wanted to kick him for his totally inappropriately timed bits of wit. Thinking back over some of their adventures she smiled as she remembered a few of the things he'd said to the various System Lords, or even to some of the idiot politicians and bureaucrats from earth.
Looking down at the man who she loved so desperately, she prayed that he would one day return to the Jack O'Neill of old.
The next morning Jack woke up, feeling a bit more alert than he had the night before. He still was unsure of what, exactly, had happened but, as he didn't seem to feel any worse for the wear he decided to simply continue on as if nothing had happened.
Of course, he did have to deal with the fact that the collar was gone. Even though he hadn't started speaking he did feel good simply having the damn thing off. He couldn't keep his hands off his neck, something he'd avoided for the past year. He could feel the thick ridge of scars but at least he now touched skin and not metal. He was relieved when no one said anything the next morning. He knew he had Sam to thank for that so, without warning he went up and picked her up and then kissed her.
"What was that for mister?" Sam smiled at him.
Jack grinned and waggled his eyebrows. He really wished they had more privacy right now. Shrugging he simply reached down and kissed her again and then walked off to get the children who were playing with Eranna.
She looked after him, also grinning. He was clearly much happier this morning.
Of course, with the fact that everyone was making it a point to ignore the lack of his collar, he'd totally forgotten how the children would react.
"Dadee!" screamed Jon. "Whas rong? Whase yu cowwa?' Jon came up to him looking quite upset. He didn't know what the collar was about, but he'd never seen his father without it.
"Dada! No cowwa", squealed Hannah. It was clear she was simply imitating Jon. She actually giggled, not upset.
Jack tried to explain to the children, using his hands, that he'd left the collar with Mama. He didn't need it anymore.
"Me have it?" asked Jon.
He shook his head sharply, looking angry, which caused Jon and then Hannah to begin to cry.
Damn, he thought. What was he thinking. Letting the children know he wasn't angry at them he spent the next few minutes playing with them until it was time to all get in the wagon for the last leg of their journey.
As they began to move, Jack sat there, determined that he would begin to speak, if only for the sake of the children.
It took two more days before the group finally reached the forest. Teal'c suggested taking two of the men and hiking on ahead to warn the forest people they were coming.
"They are very cautious and we do not want to startle them. This way they can also begin to prepare."
It was a worry, to all of them, how the people living here would handle an influx of 100 more people. Hopefully, they could last until they'd managed to defeat Frotush. In the meantime, it was going to take patience and much planning to bring two communities together.
"Teal'c! Is that you?" A voice came from behind the trees. As Teal'c and his companions walked deeper into the forest they came upon a hunting party, headed by Arman.
"Arman, my friend. It is I."
"It's good to see you. Did everything go okay? Did you find your friends?"
"Indeed I did. They follow closely behind. They come with a wagon and there are women and children. Arman, I need to speak with you and explain."
"Why don't we go to meet your friends and you can explain along the way? I'll send the rest of the men back with the game." Telling the rest of the hunters to return to the village, he asked them to warn Adia that guests would soon be arriving.
"So my friend. Tell me what has happened."
As the two friends walked to meet the wagon, Teal'c explained everything that occurred. Arman was thrilled when he heard about Eranna, knowing that Adia would be overjoyed. He was also happy to welcome the Gratians, although he recognized it was going to present some difficulties.
"We'll begin preparing now. It is a good thing that not everyone comes at once. This way we can get ready. I hope you realize that there may be some resentment and some fear of the Gratians. There are those amongst us that are suspicious of the Nogratia."
"I understand, as do the Gratians. Many of them know that they may have to start a new life somewhere else. We may even take them with us." Teal'c did not reveal to Armand where he was from. That was something they would have to discuss first with O'Neill.
He then proceeded to tell Arman what they had discovered about the Ancient weapon and where they thought it resided. He agreed that they would go to look for it soon.
"I hear that Frotush has been building up his forces in Lyconia. We fear that he may be deciding to attack. The sooner we can discover a weapon the better. Do you think your friends will help.
"Yes, indeed they will. They are fine warriors. O'Neill especially is a great man and a great warrior. He has been much hurt and still suffers but I believe he will help in the defeat of Frotush. He owes that man for much of what he has experienced."
The men came upon the wagon a short time later. The first thing Arman did was to go up to Eranna and wrap his arms around her. Holding her as she cried, he spoke softly to her.
"Eranna, your sister and I are so sorry for what happened. We did not want to leave you but the others told us we would be foolish to be caught, that we could do more for you on the outside. I'm so sorry we were unable to free you. Adia has suffered greatly and has missed you terribly. She will be overjoyed to have you back."
"Arman, I have never blamed you or Adia for my plight. It was my own foolishness that sent me there. I am just happy to be here and I want to see my sister."
"You shall, and very shortly." Squeezing the young woman's hand he left her to go and meet Teal'c friends.
"You must be Arman", Daniel came up and offered his hand. "Teal'c has told us so much about you. Thank you for helping him. We would have been devastated if he had been lost to us."
"You do not need to thank me. We have been honored to have Teal'c as a friend. He is a good man."
"Yes, that he is", agreed Sam. "Hi my name is Samantha Carter and I add my thanks to Daniel's. Teal'c is a good friend. This man here is Daniel Jackson and over here is Colonel O'Neill, our leader."
Arman shook Sam's hand and then went over to O'Neill. Surprised when the man said nothing, but simply shook his hand, he turned back to Daniel and Sam.
"You are welcome to join our community. Please follow us and we will return to the village. It is not far and you can join us for the evening meal." Arman thought to himself that many of these people obviously needed to be fed, especially the one called O'Neill.
He was unsure of what to make of that man. He knew Teal'c revered and respected him – the fact that he'd remembered that name before any other showed the depth of his feelings for this man. Arman, however, wasn't so sure. Anyone that unfriendly and taciturn worried him. He wasn't expecting tons of praise for helping Teal'c but he didn't expect to be ignored.
As he walked, pondering over O'Neill, the man called Daniel came up and walked beside him. He began asking a myriad of questions about the people, the forest, and about Teal'c's time with them. When he exhausted all of these topics of conversation he grew quiet. They were almost at the village before he began to speak again.
"Please don't mind Jack." he said.
Arman looked at him in confusion.
"Jack?"
"I mean Colonel O'Neill. His first name is Jack. He didn't mean to be rude." Daniel had noticed Arman's reaction to the Colonel and figured he'd better clear things up. It was important for all of them that Jack and Arman be able to work together.
"He was tortured by Frotush and was made to wear a metal collar that would cause horrible pain if he spoke. He wore it for a whole year, just getting it off a couple of days ago. He hasn't spoken in that long and Sam says it'll take a while before he'll be able to speak again. It's hard for him and, I think he's embarrassed about it. He's a good man, a very good man. I didn't want you to think differently just because he can't speak."
"Thank you for telling me this. I had wondered but now I understand. I look forward to getting to know him. I know Teal'c respects him greatly. In fact, when he first arrived the only name he knew was that of O'Neill, so that is what we called him for many months."
"Really? I didn't know that. Oh, this is good – I'll have to tease him about this one." Laughing Daniel continued on talking to Arman and telling him some things about Jack.
It was almost dusk by the time they arrived at the village. Preparations had been made and Adia came out of her home to greet the guests.
As she welcomed the newcomers she happened to glance over to where a young, long haired, thin woman was standing. The woman's face looked vaguely familiar and she had an intense look of both joy and sadness on her face. Adia stopped dead and just looked. Suddenly, with a cry, she ran over to the young woman and threw her arms around her.
"Eranna! Oh my dear God! It's you. You've come back to me." Holding her tightly the tears streamed down her face. The others stood and observed, touched by the love and joy of the moment.
"Adia, my big sister. It is so good to see you. I have missed you so much." The two sisters continued to hold each other and to cry. Eventually, Arman gestured to the others to follow him into the largest building where tables with food were set out for the guests.
Jack walked in carrying Jon while Sam carried Hannah. The children were tired after the long trip, although they'd held out beautifully. As long as they were surrounded by those that loved them they were happy.
The Gratians and SG1 made their way into the building and sat down. A few minutes later Adia and Eranna entered laughing, arm in arm.
"Adia, meet my friends. This is Jack – don't worry – he can't talk right now but he'll let you know what he wants", Jack looked at her with raised eyebrows and shook his finger at her. Laughing she turned to Sam. "This is Sam. She's the one that keeps Jack under control."
Sam giggled and peaked at Jack under her lashes. He simply looked disgusted, although his eyes were smiling.
"Hello Adia. It's lovely to meet you, Thank you for welcoming us."
"No, thank you for all you did for Eranna. She has told me that you are good friends. And this must be Hannah and Jon?" she said as she squatted down to speak to the children. Both of them were shy and peaked out from behind Sam's legs although eventually Jon gave a little wave.
"And finally, this is Daniel Jackson, another friend of Teal'c's."
"Daniel Jackson, it is a pleasure to meet you."
"The pleasure is mine Adia. I thank you as well for your hospitality."
After Adia had met the rest of the Gratians she invited them all to eat. She noticed that the ones who had been imprisoned ate very little, especially Jack, although what she didn't know is that they were actually eating much more than even a couple of weeks previously.
All of them had begun to put back some of the weight they'd lost, even Jack, although he still looked terribly gaunt. Sam knew it would probably take months before he regained al the weight he'd lost. She was just glad to see him able to eat more than before.
That night, after all the young ones were in bed, Arman, Adia and SG1 discussed their plan of action. They knew the first thing they had to do was to check and see if the weapon was where they thought it would be. A small group would head out the next day to see what they could find.
"I will also see if I can find out any news from Lyconia. We had better make sure that Frotush and his men haven't caught wind of what's happening or that the Gratians are making their way here."
"I agree. We must be careful, however, that we do not give anything away", added Teal'c.
Jack had sat for the last little while looking very serious. Although he participated in the plans, as much as he was able, he had grown still near the end. At this point he lifted his head and gestured to gain everyone's attention.
"What is it Jack? Is there something we've forgotten?"
He shook his head no, indicating that everything was fine with the plan. He then communicated that there was something else. At this, he took a deep breath and bowed his head. The others remained quiet, somehow knowning what he was going to tell them was something serious and important.
He finally raised his head and slowly lifted his arm. Pointing over at the two sleeping children he then looked at Sam. As she returned his look tears began to form in her eyes but she gave a small nod in agreement. Turning back to the other she began to speak.
"We also want to see if we can find the children's relatives. They may have grandparents or aunts and uncles here and we should find them. They will probably want to keep the children."
Looking shocked, Daniel began to protest but Jack reached out and grabbed his arm. Looking at his friend and CO, Daniel stopped speaking. Realizing how difficult this must be for both Sam and Jack he simply nodded and put his hand over Jack's, offering whatever comfort he could.
Not realizing quite what was happening, Arman and Adia looked at each other. Arman began to speak,
"We can investigate. Do you know the names of the parents?"
Jack looked over at Eranna, asking her to speak.
"The mother's name was Lagreema, we do not know who the father was. It was probably one of the guards or maybe even another Gratian as both children were born after she became Nogratia. She grew sick and died almost a year ago and asked Jack to look after the children. He and Sam have become their parents. I say you should keep them", she said fiercely, looking over at her two friends. "You are their parents, they have known no other, and they love you. Why do you need to find their family?"
Sam could barely speak by this time and Jack was just thankful that he still couldn't. It was Daniel who finally answered.
"This is where the children are from, Eranna. If there is family they will want the children and the children have a right to know their own relatives. It's hard because Jack and Sam love them very much, but they are doing the right thing."
Looking again at her friends she realized what a sacrifice of love the two were making. Sobbing, she ran up to Sam and hugged her. She then turned to Jack but he simply stood up and walked out of the room. As Eranna made to follow Sam reached out and took her arm.
"Let him go Eranna. He needs to be alone right now."
The three teammates looked at each other. Only they knew what a difficult and selfless decision he'd made. He had lost one child and now was going to give up two more. He could not have shown, any more clearly, the depth of love he had for those two children.
He stood outside, looking up through the trees at the myriads of stars. Tonight, he allowed himself to think of Charlie, the boy he'd lost. Silently he spoke to his son, asking for a measure of peace and also asking that he watch over these two little children who he had grown to love as dearly. As he stood there, still silently, he felt arms encircle him and a soft, warm body press up against him. Turning slightly he drew Sam into his arms. She began to cry. Together they held each other, knowing that the next few days could bring a terrible loss, but thankful at least, that they had one another.