I've always loved DuCaine…well, the friendship, not so much the romance aspect. I feel Cal and H are two of the best characters on the show that had a good bond as friends, something the writers have let slip away, unfortunately. Because H is such a complex character, I'm normally very reluctant to write him, simply because I feel he is the most amazing leader in the CSI franchise (I'm a tad obsessed, I even own a similar pair of shades) and I don't think I could do him justice. But I decided while watching a good DuCaine friendship episode that I should give it a shot and put a small scene with them in this chapter, since I miss the DuCaine friendship so much.

Chapter 21

The Only Exception

"That's quite a turn of events," Dr. Chandler commented at Calleigh's therapy appointment; Calleigh had just informed her about the unexpected pregnancy. "Are you excited?"

"I'm excited… but very nervous at the same time," Calleigh sighed. "Mostly I'm still in shock."

"Because you never thought you'd be able to get pregnant?" she assumed.

She nodded. "Yeah, I mean, I just accepted that I would never have children, but now…now I'm having a baby."

"And how are you handling that change?" Dr. Chandler asked as she made notes on her clipboard.

Calleigh exhaled through her nose and shook her head, looking at one of the walls as she ran a hand through her hair; in all honesty, she wasn't sure how or if she was handling this. Her mind had suddenly had to adapt to so much so quickly that she honestly didn't have time to think about how she was dealing with any changes that were occurring; she simply lived through them, never questioning how she would cope, she just did it without thought.

"Okay," Dr. Chandler proceeded. "Let's try figuring out how you can handle it. You said you were nervous, why don't you elaborate on that."

"Well," Calleigh mused for a second before continuing. "I'm nervous because of the risks that come with Zoloft and how they can affect the baby."

"So it's not the baby you are anxious about, it's the process of pregnancy and what can happen to the baby during that time," she clarified.

"Yeah," Calleigh sighed. "If I had a way to know that this time next year the baby is healthy and safe, I'd definitely feel better. But there is no way for me to know that and so I'm left with the suspense."

"Do you know how high the risks are for you being on antidepressants?"

"I asked my doctor and she said the risks are small, but there was also a small chance of me getting pregnant with my case of endometriosis, so…" Calleigh shrugged.

Dr. Chandler nodded, understandingly. "I can see how that isn't reassuring. But try to keep in mind that many people feel some kind of concern when they learn their pregnant, so some form of fear is normal. On the other hand, you said you were excited. Tell me about that."

Calleigh licked her lips. "I'm happy, deep down, but…it's difficult to get excited about this when you don't know how it'll end."

"You don't want to get your hopes up?" Dr. Chandler inferred; Calleigh nodded. "So you think something will happen?"

"God forbid, but…." She took a deep breath and blinked away the tears that began to sting in her eyes. "But if I get excited and something happened," Calleigh's voice thickened, "I don't know how I'd handle it."

The therapist gave her a sympathetic smile. "Calleigh, it'll be hard to handle whether you let yourself get excited or not."

"I know it would be; it's just…" Calleigh faded out and shook her head at herself; the tears weren't able to be blinked away at this point and were on the verge of spilling over, despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. "God, I don't know," she sighed, her head falling into her hand in pure frustration, none of her emotions were making sense and this situation was becoming too overwhelming. The stability she used to have and had only recently regained now felt as though it were slipping away once again and the prospect of that was terrifying. Calleigh knew she needed to hold it together and attempt to rationalize everything in her mind or else risk losing that security she had gained, and she couldn't afford to lose that now.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, laughingly, as she captured a tear that left the corner of her eye.

"No, it's okay," Dr. Chandler said, tenderly. "It's okay to be scared, Calleigh, this is a scary situation….And depression during pregnancy can be difficult to handle, so you have to keep talking, okay?" The doctor had by this point noticed her patient had a slight tendency to omit how she was feeling at times, a habit she had been trying to get Calleigh to break, at least in here. "What about Eric? How's he taking the news?" Dr. Chandler asked as she took a sip of coffee from her ceramic mug.

"He's concerned about the risks, but he's remaining more optimistic than I am. He's mostly excited, I think," Calleigh said, unknowingly making the last sentence sound bitter. Eric certainly had the same worries, but he allowed his optimism and excitement to shine through. Calleigh almost envied his ability to remain so positive and not let his mind become engulfed with the negative.

"And does that frustrate you?"

Calleigh thought about this for a second and thought back to the previous night when she sat up in bed after about an hour of tossing and turning.

Eric turned in his bed at the sound of keys rapidly being tapped on a laptop beside him. He rolled to his side to see Calleigh staring at the laptop screen, eyes darting back and forth as she read, sheer determination in her eyes.

"What are you doing?" he mumbled tiredly.

"Research," she said, not looking away from her computer.

"On?"

"How antidepressants can affect pregnancy," she sighed, scrolling down to continue reading the article she had found via Google.

Eric propped himself up on his elbow and rested his hand on her thigh, gently caressing it. "Baby, you're going to stress yourself out over this," he said, the worry in his voice very clear.

"I'll be more stressed if I don't learn all the information possible," Calleigh insisted as she went back to the search engine page and clicked on the link below the one she just read.

Though he didn't tell her, Eric disagreed, for her eyes contained more uneasiness now that she was doing the research than they did beforehand. This would only heighten her stress levels and cause her anxiety, neither of which she needed right now. Eric thought focusing on potential negatives would be unhealthy, for Calleigh and the life growing within her.

Calleigh could see the worry in Eric's eyes, not to mention the objections he had to having this conversation again. Seldom did the conversation of the pregnancy occurred and when it did the main topic of discussion always centered around the risks that came with the pregnancy. She supposed he would rather be talking about finally being able to fix up that room across the hall and transforming it into a nursery or discuss the ultrasound pictures they'd soon be getting, but she couldn't get excited about those things, not yet. Calleigh couldn't get excited about the joyous aspects of pregnancy when there was the possibility of downfall. She had to brace herself for more disappointment; it wasn't so much a choice anymore as it was an instinct.

"What have you found?" he asked, the reluctance of asking was apparent in his voice.

"Well, I wanted to know how bad the risks would be if I were to stay on or go off the Zoloft," she sighed. "And, if I go off antidepressants, the risks are preterm birth, low birth rate, a higher chance of postpartum depression and developmental problems. But if I stay on them, there's the increased risk of autism and birth defects."

Every article Calleigh read had similar content and any effort the author had made to comfort the reader was remiss on her. She closed the laptop and placed it on her bedside table, leaning back against the headboard.

"I can do everything right. I can stay away from alcohol, eat all the right foods and take every prenatal vitamin on this planet and it still not make a difference," she declared.

"But it puts the odds in your favor," he pointed out.

"I know, Eric, but…."

"It could be worse," he pointed out, helpfully. "And at least we are having a baby."

Calleigh wanted to say it could be worse, that they were having a baby under unfavorable circumstances, but she could see she had already extinguished some of the excitement Eric had with this new information and continuing to discuss wouldn't help matters, it was apparent to her that she and Eric weren't going to share the same views of this situation. Thus she let the subject rest and fell into an uneasy sleep.

"So, basically you're saying you don't know how he can be so excited and optimistic when there are so many risks?" Dr. Chandler clarified.

Calleigh nodded. "I mean, I know he's worried…just not as worried as I'd expected him to be."

The doctor nodded and continued to write more notes onto her clipboard. As Calleigh patiently waited for Dr. Chandler to finish, she unthinkingly placed her hand on her belly. As she did so, Calleigh realized that this position felt right, natural—but if this was so right, why did everything else about this situation feel so terribly wrong.

"You know," Calleigh unthinkingly said, not speaking to anyone particularly. "I've always wanted kids, but I never thought it would actually happen until I started seeing Eric. After we got married, it just felt…right."

"It doesn't feel right anymore?" Dr. Chandler questioned.

Calleigh hesitated. "It feels right, just not in the way I anticipated."

"What were you anticipating?"

"Um…I'm not sure. I thought when I got pregnant I'd be concerned more of how I'd be as a mother than worrying about how my lifestyle would affect the pregnancy. I thought I'd be younger, I wouldn't be depressed or on meds and seeing a therapist. No offense," she added.

"None taken," Dr. Chandler assured with a grin. "Basically, you're telling me this isn't how you envisioned a pregnancy?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "And I'm pretty sure Eric didn't envision it this way either, but he's not acting like it."

"Well, maybe Eric's just trying to focus on the good," Dr. Chandler suggested. "And you're focusing mostly on what could go wrong. The worry you seem to have is overshadowing the brightness of the situation."

"Doctor, I can't stop myself from being concerned about these risks," she shook her head.

"You don't have to, considering possible outcomes is wise, but you can't let one element dictate all your feelings. You can be happy and excited but still be worried about your baby," she said, kindly. "Now, maybe once you get used to the idea of this pregnancy, maintaining that balance will get easier. Just keep in mind that it wasn't too long ago you thought you'd never have children. This could be a blessing."

Calleigh nodded in understanding. "I'll have to keep that in mind." Meanwhile praying that she could find that balance sooner rather than later.

"Until then, you have made excellent progress over the last few months and lowering your antidepressant dosage does seem like a possibility." Calleigh's ears perked up at these words. "Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to your OB, get her opinion and we will see if we can work something out, okay?" Dr. Chandler said.

"I have my first prenatal appointment in a few days," Calleigh said. "I can ask her then."

"Perfect."

"Can that make a difference?" she asked.

"Studies have shown it can decrease the risks. But if we do this I would like you to still see me twice a week, just so I know you are managing your depression with a lower dose."

"Okay," Calleigh nodded, however uncertain of how much a lower dosage would aid her situation. Then again, Calleigh was uncertain of a lot these days.

Calleigh's session came to an end and she stepped outside, the air cooled as evening approached and the sun began to set, turning the sky a vibrant orange and the wispy clouds a light pink. The sight was gorgeous, one of those sunsets in which one simply has to stop and stare at its beauty; Calleigh couldn't help but wonder how some aspects of the world could be so simple and beautiful yet everything else was so complicated and ghastly. She headed towards the parking lot, started her car and drove towards PD, clocking back in to tie up some loose ends in a few of her cases. She had hoped to complete the task before her appointment, however the morning sickness and kept her stationed in the bathroom a fair part of the time she could have been working. Thankfully, the nausea had subsided within the last hour or so and she could now manage to focus on her job.

Just as she began to draw up the final report, she heard the door open and a familiar face stepped into Firearms. Horatio greeted her with a warm smile and approached her workbench.

"You're still here," he observed.

Calleigh grinned. "For about five more minutes, I just had to finish up a few things."

"Okay," Horatio nodded. "Everything going okay?"

"Yeah, I'm nearly done with this report. Hey, did you guys ever get who murdered Torres?" Calleigh asked in regards to the case that had been worked by the team today, the case she didn't get to assist in completing due to her appointment.

"Mr. Wolfe managed to get the security tapes from the store and we got a visual of the killer's face," he explained.

"Was it Davis?" she asked, Rodney Davis being the prime suspect from when Calleigh had been there, his fingerprint having been on the murder weapon (crowbar).

"Not exactly, he was held at gunpoint by a man named Rufus Johnson and was forced to kill Samantha."

"What was his motive?"

"He didn't say."

Calleigh shook her head. "A killer without a motive is the scariest kind."

"Sure is," he agreed. As the conversation continued, Calleigh was tempted to tell Horatio about the pregnancy, knowing she was going to have to tell him eventually. Calleigh had yet to tell anyone on the team about the pregnancy, the news had been so completely overwhelming to her that telling her colleagues had more or less slipped her mind. Besides, they would more than likely express happiness and excitement for her and Eric, the very excitement greatly subdued within her due to the risks that existed. Her friends wouldn't want to talk about the chances of birth defects, but rather if they knew the sex of the baby or if they had thought of any names, carrying the similar attitude Eric seemed to have.

However, to be practical, she couldn't keep this pregnancy a secret forever, many of her pants were starting to fit her tightly now and it would only be a matter of time before speculation began.

"You have a good night," he beckoned before turning back towards the door.

"Actually, Horatio, I wanted to talk to you about something real quick," Calleigh said.

"Okay," Horatio nodded, coming back over to her. "What's up?"

Horatio waited patiently for Calleigh to speak, but the words seemed lodged in her throat. She took a deep breath and swallowed before saying the revealing words. "I'm pregnant."

She hadn't really thought about what Horatio's reaction would be or how it would appear on his face, but the one he had wasn't one she ever would have expected. He didn't appear the least bit surprised or shocked, his response didn't hold indication that this news was new to him; either Horatio had already started to speculate about a pregnancy or someone who had come to him to tell him the news—and only one other person knew.

"Eric told you?" Calleigh assumed.

"He did," Horatio nodded with a smile. "Congratulations."

This was the first congratulations she had from a friend and the sudden attention to the pregnancy made her blush uncontrollably. "Thanks," she said with a weak grin.

Horatio noticed something off putting in Calleigh's voice, a certain sadness that underlined her tone which made him wonder if there was reason for concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked, gently.

"Yeah," Calleigh assured him. "Um…the news was just…just unexpected, that's all."

Horatio chuckled and nodded; he didn't say it out loud, but he was more than certain that Eric and Calleigh were going to be terrific parents; he felt the two had such a natural kindness and caring personalities that would make them ideal parents.

"So, um, how long have you known?" she asked.

"A couple of days," Horatio admitted; Calleigh gritted her teeth in frustration, Eric hadn't even told her that much and he had every opportunity to do so. "He wanted me to know because he was getting concerned," he added after seeing the stern look on Calleigh's face.

"I know," Calleigh sighed as she continued to fill out her report. "But sometimes he gets a bit too overprotective."

Horatio rolled his lips as he placed his hands on his hips, looking at the floor. Calleigh had always been the more independent of the CSIs, never revealing her problems or imploring help and always detesting it whenever too much concern was surrounding her. This in a way gave Horatio peace of mind, for he was assured Calleigh could handle herself in the most dire of situations, a good trait to have in this business. However it would occasionally cause Horatio worry, seeing as she wouldn't allow herself to be protected in the times she probably needed some type of shield, as everyone did at some point in their lives, but she wouldn't accept it—even if it was offered by her own husband.

"Calleigh," Horatio began, "you mean more to Eric than I think you realize." Horatio had how destroyed Eric had been during Calleigh's depression, how withdrawn his eyes had been and how he sometimes looked as though he were on the verge of going mad with worry. Watching a loved one suffer—something Horatio himself was too familiar with—before you while powerless to help was a feeling that gave the entire world a sense of hopelessness. When Calleigh eventually began to get better, the life in Eric slowly returned and Horatio could gather why Eric would want to prevent anything from dragging her back to that state again. Though Horatio had never seen Calleigh during that time, he understood how drastic her situation had to have been, for it was Calleigh who was suffering, the team's Bullet Girl who could take on the world had fallen victim to the illness. The emotional trauma she had to have been in wasn't one he'd wish to imagine, but he was certain Eric had imagined it and would have torn him apart had her condition worsened.

Calleigh didn't quite know how to respond to this, on one hand Horatio was correct and Eric's concern was from a good place, but on the other he told Horatio something that had been between the two of them without even discussing it with her. How was it he could discuss the pregnancy with Horatio without her knowledge out of concern, but he wouldn't even begin to talk about the risks with her at home?

"You let me know if you or Eric need anything, okay?" Horatio said, kindly.

She nodded and with a smile grin said. "Thanks, H."

"Take care," he said, softly, before turning around and leaving her alone in Firearms with a half-completed report.

Eventually her work was completed and Calleigh returned home, taking note that the lights were still on when she pulled into the driveway. She walked up to the door and into her house, she could hear the shower running down the hall as she made her way to the living room and sat on the couch. She lightly kicked off her shoes as she flipped on the evening news, uncertain if the frustration was apparent on her face; she had been thinking about her and Horatio's conversation the entire drive home and the aggravation she had towards her husband wouldn't cease. Calleigh realized Eric had the best intentions, of course, but the way he went about it she wasn't pleased with; they could have at least talked about this first.

The sound of water running down the hall silenced and she heard Eric head towards their bedroom as the weather man on screen went on to tell the viewers about the humidity. But Eric's footsteps soon returned, only this time they were heading towards the living room where Calleigh sat.

"Hey," he greeted her with a smile; he was in an old T-shirt and sweats, his short hair damp from the shower.

"Hey," she replied, nonchalantly.

"What's wrong?" Eric asked, sitting down on the couch beside her, bemused by the indifference in her tone.

Calleigh picked up the remote and switched off the television before turning to Eric and calmly asking, "When were you going to tell me you told Horatio about the baby?"

Eric sighed, he knew this tone in Calleigh's voice all too well, the quietness of her tone made the threatening element all the more prominent. "I was concerned he'd send you on a dangerous case," he explained.

"All the cases have the possibility of being dangerous or turning dangerous without warning," she reminded him. "And if I was assigned to work somewhere I know would put the baby at risk, I would have said something. But I was going to tell him and everyone else when the news wasn't so fresh to me. Besides, couldn't you have talked to me about it first instead of going behind my back and telling Horatio?"

"If I talked to you first you would have wanted to wait longer before telling him, I was concerned about you being in the field and-."

"Okay, Eric," she cut across him, firmly. "I can take care of myself in the field and, whether H knows about the pregnancy or not, I would still be able to handle myself."

"And what if you were put in a dangerous position in the field?" Eric demanded.

"Eric, for God's sake," she grumbled. "I'm probably in as much danger at the lab with some of those chemicals we use, but there are protocols in place there and in the field that you know I would follow, okay?"

"Okay," he shrugged. "I was just worried."

Calleigh leaned back into the couch, not looking at him. "Sure, now you're worried," she mumbled, bitterly.

He gaped at her. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "It's just you are concerned enough to go talking to H, but the second we start talking to each other about the risks in this pregnancy, forget it, suddenly there is nothing to worry about."

"You're mad at me for trying to be optimistic?" he asked in disbelief.

"I'm not mad, I'm frustrated, alright," Calleigh snapped. "I'm frustrated that those risks don't seem to mean anything to you."

Eric scoffed and shook his head. How could she begin to think that? He had woken up in the middle of the night countless times, reviewing over in his mind the risks that their baby was at and she thought he wasn't worried? He had all but driven himself crazy with worry.

"Nice, real nice," he said, bitterly.

"What else am I supposed to think when I'm on my laptop doing research and all you can say is that things could be worse?" she demanded, getting to her feet.

"Well, what do you want me to say, Calleigh? Do you want me to say I'm unhappy about this baby because of what may happen?"

"No," Calleigh shook her head, suppressing a groan, unable to believe he would put those words in her mouth. This wasn't how she wanted to have this conversation, with the two of them being so hostile, this wouldn't resolve anything. "I just think you are being a bit too optimistic."

"You know," Eric said, joining her standing. "When we found out we could never get pregnant, you were devastated and I understood that. But now miraculously we did and you're still not happy."

Calleigh's stomach dropped at the accusation. "I never said I wasn't happy. I'm just…I'm scared," she reluctantly admitted; it was still sometimes tough for her to admit her fears to him, especially after the depression and she felt she had to redeem herself and not show the slightest form of weakness.

Eric sighed, controlling his temper, regretting his choice of words after seeing the brief flash of hurt in her eyes that followed them.

"Look," he calmly started again, "we're both scared, but we can talk to the doctor and-."

"Eric, that's your solution for everything. Do you really think a doctor or my therapist or anyone is going to tell us anything different?" Calleigh demanded. "That there is going to be someone who turns around and tells us that there is nothing to worry about, that there are no risks to the baby because I'm old and taking meds for depression?"

"You're not old-."

"I'm older than the age they say it's safest to get pregnant," she reminded him. "The point is that no one is going to tell us anything different."

A tension filled silence echoed through the living room, Eric crossed his arms over his chest and Calleigh stressfully teased her hair with her fingers. She didn't want to argue with Eric, especially not now when everything else was so stressful, they were in this together and she knew that, but they were on completely different pages.

Calleigh sighed and, without looking at her husband, stated, "I'm going to bed."

Without looking back, she proceeded to their bedroom and left Eric standing alone with his arms still crossed. He exhaled heavily and sat down on the couch, leaning his head on the back of the couch and closing his eyes. His intentions had been good when he confided in Horatio and Eric had hoped to tell Calleigh he spoke to Horatio about it, not factoring in the possibility she would find out beforehand. Now this had escalated into a heated discussion of what they hadn't been seeing eye-to-eye on for days. He realized Calleigh was worried, he had concerns of his own, but he couldn't stop thinking about the fact there was the possibility that they could have a very healthy baby in a few months, the son or daughter that had only appeared in dreams was just in their grasp. Perhaps there was the chance of Calleigh's age and medicine having an unhealthy effect on the pregnancy and he hadn't exactly been embracing that possibility, but how could she expect him to linger on the negative when what they had been praying for had been unexpectedly answered?

Eric got to his feet and, shutting off the lights on the way, proceeded down the hall towards their bedroom.

Calleigh was sitting up in bed when he arrived, reading a novel and her eyes reading each line slowly, not looking up when Eric entered.

"You're still up," he observed coming over to the bed.

"Yeah," she nodded, her eyes still on her pages.

He got in bed beside her, pulling the sheets over him and glancing over at her. "What are you reading?" he asked.

"In Cold Blood," she replied, nonchalantly.

"That's a good one," Eric commented, attempting to keep things friendly.

"Yep," Calleigh said.

The strain between the two was thick, Eric waited patiently for her to say something, wondering if she was going to speak to him again in more than just brief phrases. Meanwhile, Calleigh was no longer able to focus on her Truman Capote novel and eventually released a heavy sigh and closed her book.

"This just isn't the way I pictured it when we got pregnant, okay?" she spoke up. "I'm thrilled about the baby, you know that, but he or she is at risk because of my age and the Zoloft."

"The risks are low, Cal."

"But they exist," she affirmed. "And you just keep denying them. I mean, it seems like you aren't worried at all."

"Of course I'm worried, but," he paused to rest his hand over top of hers, "I'm more worried that you are going to stress yourself out too much about this and you don't need it."

"So I should just pretend there isn't the chance of something going wrong?" Calleigh asked, incredulously.

"No, but we can't really prevent anything," he pointed out.

"I know, Eric, but…." She trailed off, completely and utterly lost in her thoughts. Calleigh had just became used to having some form of structure in her life again, now that structure was thrown off balance.

Eric gave her hand a soft squeeze. "Listen, I hope this baby and you stay healthy. But if anything should happen and this baby isn't in the best condition, I'll still love him or her, no matter what."

"I know and I'll love him the same, but we'll have to wait nine months until we learn whether or not he is healthy and I can't stand not knowing."

Eric grinned a little on the inside. Classic Calleigh, always having to know the absolute answer, never content and will remain unsettled until she has the answer, whether it was the answer she wanted or not, at least it was an answer. The jury could say guilty or not guilty and, though she wouldn't necessarily accept the verdict, at least there had been a decision; she detested hung-juries.

"I know the suspense is awful, but no matter what happens nine months from now, we'll get through it together, as a family. Okay?"

Family. They would get through this as a family. The family element of father, mother and child in Calleigh's time hadn't been a pleasant one, it was always tense in the Duquesne household and, until Eric came around, that's all the family she thought she would ever possess. Now she was getting chance of an actual family with the man she loved; she'd be lying if she said the thought wasn't endearing.

Calleigh allowed herself to half-smile. "Hopefully the only thing we'll have to get through is diapers and late night feedings," she said in an attempt to joke.

Eric's face pulled into a small half-smile. "Yeah, hopefully."