Chapter twenty one: Unexpected

NPOV

April 10

I had looked forward to Wednesday afternoon, and had been fantasizing all day about pleasing Josh. After lunch Jasper drove me to town, teasing me about my horny anticipation. I hadn't planned on getting any myself, I just wanted to try some things I saw on that website, and thinking about his flustered panting body made me horny indeed. I didn't tell Jasper I was considering a blow job, but he knew I was nervously considering something, as he said "good luck" when I got out of the car.

I stuck out my tongue and he drove off chuckling.

I didn't get to execute my plan, as Josh's dad decided to show up half an hour later, mid-kiss, luckily nothing more, and he needed Josh to help him move stuff in the backyard. I tried not to sulk and offered my help. I knew I was strong enough, but they said it was a man's job, so I called Jasper to pick me up. He laughed at my annoyed expression.

"Patience dear, is a nice virtue."

"Says the two hundred year old vampire."

"Next time I'll ask Alice to monitor his parents."

"Sure sure."

Homework was then rescheduled to Thursday, unfortunately his parents were home, so we were forced to do some actual homework. The bedroom door stayed closed, as his sister was off swimming, but his parents could step in any moment. We figured we would hear them coming on the stairs and engaged in some heavy kissing anyway, both of us trying to stay as quiet as possible. He sat on his desk chair and I straddled his lap, facing him, ready to jump off any moment. As the kiss deepened, he pushed his hips up against me. This made me a bit reckless, and I moved back somewhat, so I could rub his bulge through his pants. His eyes rolled back, and he laced his fingers in my hair, pulling me deeper into the kiss. My other hand traced down his chest as well, to his button and zipper, and freed his erection. His eyes were wide now, but he didn't stop me, and then continued kissing me passionately. We would have to be really fast in hiding all evidence if someone came up the stairs.
"Wait" he whispered, and reached in his bottom drawer, took out a condom and disposed the wrap in the bin. He expertly rolled it down his shaft and winked "less messy". I understood and placed my hand around the sticky condom while I resumed kissing him. The lube on the condom apparently created a nice friction, every time I squeezed my hand over the head he would gasp into my mouth.

The stress of getting caught made sure it took him a little longer now to come. He would break the kiss to beg for more, softly breathing "harder please" or "a little faster, I'm close". He came with a loud grunt and I hushed him, listening carefully to all noises in the house. Relieved, we disposed the now filled condom, fixed our clothes and wiped our sticky hands on some tissue. I loved that grinning blushing face.
He hugged me close, and whispered "I can't wait to do that for you".
"Soon my dear" I reassured him.

When I stepped into the car later that night, grinning, Jasper said "naughty girl" and I grinned even wider.

Friday night was movie night at the Cullens, and tonight Esme got to pick the movie. Under loud protest she choose Dirty Dancing, again, but she was allowed to, once a year, so the vampires gave in. The movie had hardly started when my phone buzzed and I was surprised to see Rachel's number on the screen.

"Hello Rachel?"

"Nessie? Are you busy now?"

"No, not really" I was not a Patrick Swayze fan.

"Could you come over here? Jake needs you."

"What's wrong? Is he hurt?"

"Not physically no. He would probably be really mad at me if he knew I was calling you."

"Then why did you? I don't think he wants me there."

"He needs you, believe me, he's hurting and I don't know what else to do. Please?"

"Okay, I'm on my way."

I convinced Jasper to let me go alone, and drove to LaPush, worried sick.

When I arrived, Rachel led me upstairs and into his bedroom, saying she found him like this on Billy's grave. He lay on his bed, under the covers, his shoulders slightly shaking with what seemed to be sobs. I hesitated a second, but then figured this was Jake, my sunshine, and whether he wanted me there or not, I would not let him be unhappy alone. So I did what he had done many times for me, whenever I was crying, and crawled under the covers, holding him.

His sobs stopped as he looked at me surprised.

"Ness? Is that you? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you and no matter what you say, I'm not going anywhere."

He crushed me against his chest, burying his face in my hair.

We lay like that for the longest time, I didn't know what to say, didn't know what was wrong.

He had not tried to send me away, which I took as a good sign.

Feeling his strong arms around me, wolf warm, and smelling his familiar aroma, I realized just how much I had missed him, everything about him. There was no doubt that he was still my best friend in the world, no matter how much I liked Jasper, this was my Jake. I was filled up with affection for this man that for some reason was hurt.

"I missed you," I said.

"Oh God Ness, I missed you too, so much" he instantly replied, voice still thick with tears.

"You missed me??? But then why did you try to push me away?" I had to know, it can't happen again.

"You think that's what I did? I would never want to push you away. But I see why you should think that, maybe I have acted like that. I'm sorry."

"Why did you? What's wrong?". He thought about his answer and then said:

"I was struggling with myself and didn't want to bother you with that. I figured if I could pull myself together, I could be your sunshine again."

"That's so stupid. You don't have to be a sun all of the time. I want you to be yourself and trust me."

"You are not supposed to be the one comforting me, not supposed to see me like this."

"I don't agree. You saw me like this lots of times. Friendship works both ways, right? Maybe imprinting does not, but I want to be your friend too."

"Don't be offended. I want you to be my friend too. I just… I can't really explain what's wrong because I don't understand myself. I'm sorry."

"Is it Leah?"

He looked at me surprised, ready to deny, but then he gave in.

"Yeah."

"You love her." It was not a question, more of a statement. If she had him sobbing like this, he must love her.

"Yeah."

"And she doesn't love you back?" How could she not love him back, every woman would be so lucky to have him.

"She does. But it's complicated."

"It shouldn't be complicated now the imprint is gone."

"What do you mean?"

"Since I drank the blood, I thought… that the imprint thing was broken. Because you stopped being my friend…" saying this my chest ached and tears welled up in my eyes as well.

He pulled me close in bear hug "Oh Ness, that's not true. Even if the imprint would be broken, I will always be your friend, forever. I'm so sorry. I knew you needed me, but in the state I was in, I would be of little use and Jasper was looking after you…"

I took a while to consider his words, snuggling against him, as he gently stroked my hair. He always used to do this, especially when comforting me, so somehow he had switched the roles again. I didn't mind and enjoyed his warmth.

"So it is possible for you to stay away from your imprint?"

"It's hard, painful even, but possible yes."

"So all the memories we shared when I was growing up, you didn't have to be there, you wanted to?" It was hard to keep a steady voice when I opened up the wounds again.

"Of course! I told you this before. Did you believe it was all forced?"

"Well…"

"Oh girl, I'm so sorry. I will never leave you alone again, no matter what state I'm in."

"You better not."