(And now we finally get to deal with the full moon visit to Oogway...and a great deal of other emotionally-charged drama. As Luna would say, good times! Also, I am posting this a day early since I am going away on vacation for this week and won't be back until next Saturday. But don't worry, I'll still get to your reviews and post on schedule next Monday. I'll probably even work on hand-writing some of the story while I'm gone, so I don't fall too far behind. Now, on with the story...)
Silent and still in the friendly darkness of the Hall of Warriors, Tai Lung looked up from the shimmer of golden light given off by the bank of candles which illuminated the altar before him…his paws still clasped in the proper kung fu manner, even though his prayer had ended, while he gazed raptly at the painting of Oogway on the wall and struggled with the decision he knew he had to make.
It was now five days since their return to the Valley of Peace. There had not, as yet, been any horrific killings like the one in Yunxian, nor had the Wu Sisters put in an appearance. In fact the time had passed like any other halcyon days of summer, the waking hours filled with gorgeous blue skies dotted with clouds and humid air that made any with thick fur drenched with sweat in record time, the nights balmy, cool, and dotted by both stars and fireflies.
But while the people of the village experienced this with genuine enjoyment, blissfully unaware of the looming danger which threatened, everyone in the Jade Palace was so on edge expecting the other shoe to drop that a single pin could have set them off in a frenzy of kung fu. While Shifu had seemed to descend into an ever deeper depression, Tigress had become the most fervent and determined of guardians of the temple. Now that she had at last accepted Mei Ling had spoken the truth, and the snow leopard assassins were the ones who had nearly taken Po's life, the leader of the Furious Five seemed to have taken it upon herself to organize ward posts and night watches lest the sisters come upon them unawares again. And of course, she was the most impassioned and religiously conscientious of the sentries posted—although Tai Lung privately suspected she did this not only to protect the Dragon Warrior, but because she was sorely itching for the chance to take on Wu Xiu herself…whether out of vengeance or to prove she could defeat her when the ex-convict could not.
As for Tai Lung himself—he had spent almost the entirety of that time at Po's bedside.
It wasn't to further prove that he was innocent of the charges Tigress had laid against him, nor to protect Po from any subsequent danger should the Wu Sisters sneak in his bedroom window at night. It was because the snow leopard felt extremely guilty for allowing the panda to become injured in the first place. He had lost sight of it during his years in Chorh-Gom, and even before that when training with such intensity and obsession to claim the Dragon Scroll—but he had known once that becoming too narrowly focused was dangerous in a combat situation, not to mention unworthy of the kung fu he had been taught. Paying attention to one's surroundings, observing everything so as to be prepared for any attack, being aware of what was available to become a weapon in one's defense—all of these things should have been second nature to him. But he had forgotten, tuned it out, given himself over to rage, arrogance, and pride for far too long. And now this blind spot, this major flaw, had nearly cost him the life of his only friend.
Admitting how he was coming to view Po was difficult of course, and he still could not do so aloud to anyone. But at the very least, he had never had the life of a companion, an ally, or a mentor be on the line or come so close to ending—he had not even had anyone that applied to save for Shifu, who had always seemed indestructible and rarely became involved in Tai Lung's battles. This was an entirely new, disconcerting, and unpleasant experience for the feline. He did not want to feel it again, although he had the ugly and worrisome sensation that he would, far too soon and far too often.
It was also, he realized to his chagrin, an unavoidable aspect of befriending others, of letting them into his heart and caring about something besides himself. Not that that made him wish to give up, to retreat back behind the armor he had clad himself in for decades and thus insulate himself against the pain. He had sworn he would not be alone again, and he would keep that oath—and he had never been one to back down from any challenge.
But it did make this much more problematic, and upsetting, than he had expected it to be.
Regardless, no matter how Tigress, Monkey, and most likely Shifu doubted him, Tai Lung was determined to make up for this nearly fatal mistake—to ground himself once more in the kung fu training he had forgotten or discarded, and thereby keep from losing the one person who truly cared for him in the Valley. Nevermind it was the same panda who had so humiliated him…even such a fan was better than none at all, and although it rankled him to admit it, the snow leopard was beginning to see, finally, that there was something very special about the panda. Something neither the Valley…nor he…could do without.
Besides, even if none of this were true, he'd be damned if the Wu Sisters harmed someone in his charge…or thought they could get away with framing him for one of their crimes, intentionally or not. If he at any point somehow managed to forget why the snow leopardesses deserved his enmity, all he had to do was recall the incredible pain he'd heard in Viper's voice, when she had momentarily believed he had been the one to fatally injure Po...and the echoing pain in his own heart at hearing the sweet-natured serpent doubting him...and all the rage and desire for vengeance came flooding right back.
In any event, this had meant that for the last five days the snow leopard had been rigorously following the doctor's and Mantis's instructions to the letter so as to be a proper caregiver for the Dragon Warrior. Some of these had been relatively easy for his quick mind to pick up on—how to change the bandages and dress the wound, the proper dosage of herbs to mix for his medicines, how much water to provide him to help replace the blood he had lost (a process Mantis and the doctor in Yunxian had begun immediately and the rest of them had continued on the way back to the Valley), and so on. Others were secretly rather entertaining in a naughty way, such as the fact the anxious and energetic panda had been proscribed constant bed rest…something Tai Lung was only too happy to enforce rather firmly.
Unfortunately, the other major aspect of taking care of Po was preparing and bringing the panda his meals—and while the feline was not completely ignorant of such matters, it would be fair to say cooking was not his strong suit, and his knowledge was still quite limited.
While he could make very simple dishes, usually the sort of thing which could be whipped up during a spare moment or when traveling on the road with little in the way of options, anything more than this was quite beyond him. Shifu had, of course, not considered culinary skills, a womanly art, to be of critical importance to the Dragon-Warrior-to-be, something Tai Lung had hitherto heartily agreed with, so he had been taught only the rudiments in case he was caught away from civilization during a campaign and had to scrounge for food on his own. And meals at the Jade Palace had never been very fancy.
Now, however…thanks to the blood loss, the overall weakness he suffered from, and some of the ingredients in his daily tonic, Po's stomach was a little sensitive and required special handling. Which had left the snow leopard the unenviable task of trying to decipher carefully written recipes and then make concoctions he hoped would turn out passably well. It didn't help that he'd never known where anything was in the kitchen, and in twenty years the arrangement had likely changed anyway.
Finally, when Tai Lung had searched through every single cupboard before finding the eucalyptus leaves for the healing tea, spilled an entire bag of rice on the floor and had to painstakingly clean it up, and nearly burned himself after mistakenly using a metal ladle for the broth, Viper took pity on him and helped guide him through the proper procedure.
Shifu, naturally, had only stood back and watched his adopted son turn in place and tear his fur out with far too much amusement, only intervening when he'd noticed the exotic spice, something called chili powder, which the snow leopard had casually snuck into Po's food. (The feline had been prepared to brazen it out until the red panda had told him 'if you put anymore in that dish, I'm going to make you regret it.' 'How?' 'You're eating every last grain of rice, even if it kills you.')
The best part, of course, had been watching his guinea pig—er, patient—sample the finished product. Although nothing as ostentatious as flaming red cheeks or steam leaking from his ears took place, Po did cough and choke a little, and he didn't think it was just the injury that made the panda talk with a hoarse rasp for quite a while after that. Yet true to his usual resolute nature, the Dragon Warrior became accustomed to the snow leopard's 'inventive' cooking, and even feigned enjoyment of it—forcing a beaming grin onto his face, rubbing his belly in satisfaction, and praising its…unique combination of flavors.
Tai Lung didn't know whether to be disappointed or pleased, especially since he couldn't be sure Po wasn't telling the plain truth and simply had an iron stomach…but either way, he couldn't help feeling a little fonder of the panda for humoring him and weathering his little prank with such wry acceptance. It was yet another way his former enemy had of completely disarming him and showing him a side of life he'd never seen before, what a true friendship was all about.
Of course, if he'd had his way, Monkey would have made certain such interaction and learning had never happened. As it was, the simian did his best during those five days to either keep the two warriors from being left alone together for long, or he simply wished to annoy Tai Lung as much as possible—since his favorite activity was heckling the snow leopard for becoming Po's 'nursemaid.' Mei Ling of all people was the one to intervene before the spotted feline could lash out at the langur, however; after declaring she thought the budding friendship to be 'beautiful', the mountain cat had visited Po's room every chance she got, both to get to know the impressionable, kind-hearted Dragon Warrior and to act as a barrier to Monkey's blandishments. After a few surprisingly vigorous attempts to get past Mei Ling, which were met with crossed arms, a seemingly casual blockage of the doorway, and a very pointed, cool look, the primate fled…and Tai Lung could only grin at her admiringly and thank her, with genuine pleasure, for her timely assistance.
Unfortunately, Crane seemed almost as determined at times to drag Mei Ling off for sparring practice in the kwoon or to reminisce about their days at Li Dai and the legends she had incited in the years since graduation. But even if she had been able to stay in Po's room around the clock, Tai Lung could not have withstood such a thing. Completely aside from the panda being someone it was best to take in small doses, there was the plain fact that the snow leopard had never liked being cooped up in one place even before being imprisoned and immobilized for twenty years—if he were unable to go elsewhere and have time to himself for his own thoughts, he'd go stir-crazy. And foremost among those thoughts was the reason he now stood before Oogway's shrine in the Hall of Warriors.
Because aside from Po's slow but sure recovery making it less critical to watch over him so closely, the time of his healing had been sufficient for the full moon to at last approach once more. This night was the first evening its shimmering white rays would shine down from the heavens…which meant it was time for him to take the severed halves of the old turtle's staff to the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom, to keep his promise. If he could bring himself to do so.
He sighed heavily. It wasn't that he didn't want to go, or that he didn't have more than one very good reason to do so. First and foremost in his mind was, of course, the current state of affairs at the Jade Palace, with the Wu Sisters on their way to the Valley and the creature that was indulging in such sadistic murders surely right behind them…or perhaps even rushing ahead of them, if the speed with which it had crossed China was to be believed.
In the case of the three assassins, once he finally had been able to speak to Shifu in private, Tai Lung had at last confessed to him what the sisters had said to him just before battle had been joined—at least, the fact that they served someone with an interest in him, and that they wished to turn him once more to evil. He was still not ready to admit that he had met them before, or the circumstances…and as for the intimation that they could possibly lead him to his birth family, he was certainly not going to tell the red panda that.
If there were even a chance it might be true, he wanted the freedom to pursue the information unfettered before he decided what to do with it, and how to get it without letting the sisters sink their claws into him. (Though he wouldn't be surprised if they claimed to be related to him themselves, and this 'long-lost family' was actually their own.) If Shifu did in fact know more than he was telling on the subject, Tai Lung did not wish to tip him off…and if he didn't, it would be unfair to reveal a lack of faith in him. After the panda had by contrast shown such faith in the leopard, refusing to believe he had attacked Po in a hot-blooded rage, it was the least he could do to tell his master at least a little of what they were facing.
In any event, Shifu had not known what to make of this, and had been just as mystified as to why the sisters would be interested in him or who could possibly have hired them. But the snow leopard would bet almost anything that Oogway did in fact know such things…if for no other reason than Tai Lung was beginning to suspect, with mingled trepidation and hatred, that the one who had hired them was also the one responsible for the death of that farmer—and that this person and the 'one who was coming', whom the sage could 'hold back no longer', were one and the same.
The turtle obviously knew much more than he was telling, and he was determined to find out just what it was—so he could protect Po and Tigress from it (and, he supposed, the rest of the Five), and so he would be ready…would know what it was he had to do, and prepare for it.
But just as compelling was the fact he didn't know how he could face Oogway now. When they had parted a little over three weeks ago, he had begun to see his old master in a new light…he had understood he'd been mistaken about so many things—the turtle's hatred and rejection of him, the reason he'd denied him the Dragon Scroll, what future possibilities he foresaw for the snow leopard, what choices and decisions he'd made that had been so painfully wrong. It was why he had apologized to Oogway, and why he'd listened to him enough to consider, and then finally accept, Shifu's offer.
But since that night, he had learned and encountered things he never would have expected, things which changed his outlook even more…and left him feeling utterly exposed before the Grand Master—and unworthy of speaking with him again. All of the possessions in his room, which revealed so many sides to the turtle which Tai Lung had never known while he lived…the secret cabinet, the contents of which testified to the fact Oogway did, in fact, love him after all…his words to Zhuang, years ago, laying the groundwork for the citizens of the Valley to forgive and accept the one who had ravaged them without remorse.
Add this to the memories of growing up at the Jade Palace, traveling China, visiting the Imperial City, and other special moments with the turtle all throughout the years of his training, and it was no wonder he felt absolutely horrid for the way he had treated Oogway. Even as wise and enlightened as the turtle was, how could he ever forgive Tai Lung?
Yet he could not put this off any longer. While it was paltry in comparison to his own sins, he could not deny this chance to repair at least one small piece of the damage he had caused, to grant Oogway's wish and thereby make peace between them. And there was so much he needed to ask, so much he had to know. It was now or never.
That decided him—and so, before he could lose his nerve again, he reached out and picked up the two halves of the staff which rested on their supports…right where he'd found them when he faced Shifu, when he'd turned about with such smugness, cockiness, and sarcasm to compel his adopted father to assume the role which was now his, and take it upon himself to grant the Dragon Scroll. The shattered wood had been fitted together again, even with some of its splinters missing, and to his shock, the staff still felt faintly warm—despite the fact the Hall of Warriors in general and this corner in particular was always cool and shadowed, not bathed in sunlight during the day.
Though he still didn't know how he could repair it, the snow leopard suddenly had real hope it could nevertheless be done. Clutching each segment in a paw, Tai Lung turned and fled from the sacred chamber into the night—out the new doors, down the steps, and across the arena toward the forested hillside outside the compound, where the moon-washed ledge wound upwards toward the peach tree.
Behind him, a lithe figure watched from the shadows, golden-ruby eyes blazing as every muscle stood out beneath her pelt—an ugly, menacing growl echoing with shocking loudness in the utter silence. Just before she would have leaped forward in pursuit of the spotted feline, however, to snatch away the staff that he had dared to desecrate—again!—and then do her level best to batter him senseless for such an act of violation, a small hand grasped the back of her trousers. And despite the seeming gentleness of the action, Shifu's grip was like iron on her leg, easily restraining her from following. "No. Wait."
Tigress turned and glared down at him in consternation and disbelief. "What? Master, why? Surely you can see…how can you just let him go, when he's stealing Master Oogway's staff?"
"Because I don't think that's what he's doing." Stepping forward from the shadows of the pillar where they had concealed themselves from the snow leopard, the red panda gazed across sadly at his master's portrait. "If he were, he would not have bothered with a prayer, now would he? Call it a hunch."
Clasping his paws at the small of his back, Shifu let the snide tone leave his voice, instead lapsing back into pensive introspection. Habitually stroking his goatee, he nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving the doorway where Tai Lung had vanished. "He'll be back, Tigress. And we'll be waiting for him when he returns…"
Once again, the promontory overlooking the Valley was windswept, peaceful, and still, a perfect place to escape the cares of the world and seek out inner peace. This time, however, it did not seem so desolate and lonely…rather, expectant and contemplative, and there was a welcome friendliness about it too. Some of this may have been projecting on his part, since this time he was of a much more forgiving bent toward Oogway than before, but all things considered, he wouldn't discount the possibility he was sensing a genuine shift in the atmosphere.
For one thing, unless his eyesight had dulled in just three weeks, he thought he spied the beginnings of buds forming at the end of each twig, suggesting that the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom was indeed slowly but surely springing to new life. And the fact the mountain top was now flooded with the silvery, blue-white shimmers of luminescent moonlight surely helped make it seem more inviting, wondrous, and alive.
Tai Lung didn't spend very long drinking in the aura of the cliffside, though, nor pause to peer down at the sleepy, shadow-draped village. Instead he strode over to plant himself beneath the boughs of the peach tree, still clutching the halves of the staff in his paws as he gazed up, through the withered, spiky branches into a night sky packed with stars. He didn't know what he was looking for, what he thought would happen, but he knew Oogway would come if he waited long enough.
He tried to be patient; he really did. And he lasted much longer than might have been predicted, even than he would have three weeks ago. He counted silently to himself, closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as if in a meditative trance, clasped his paws and the still warm lengths of wood together, and forced his heart to a slow steady beat, his thoughts to a placid, ordered expanse. But after ten minutes, perhaps fifteen, he couldn't take it anymore. Opening his eyes with a jerk, he peered around the deserted shelf, then up into the sky at the blazing white orb of the moon, before finally speaking. Though he didn't shout or make taunting demands, he couldn't keep the sarcasm completely from his voice. "Any time now, Master. No one else here has anywhere else they have to be, or anything."
The familiar raspy chuckle came from behind him, again, and when he turned the lambent spirit of the Grand Master was grinning at him with a naughty, irreverent air he well remembered, for all that it had always seemed quite rare—he still wasn't certain if that was a relief or a regret. "I see you can still be taught, Tai Lung. But there are some aspects of you which will never change…some might consider that a curse, but in this case I call it a blessing."
For a moment he gritted his teeth, extremely put out at the condescension he thought he detected in the turtle's tone. But then he sighed and chuckled ruefully, shaking his head. "Yes, well…give me enough time, I may just get it eventually. But I don't think you summoned me here just to entertain you."
Oogway quirked a wrinkled brow, an odd effect indeed considering it was produced with the aid of levitating peach blossoms. "Always with you, it is down to business at once."
Tai Lung stood up straight and tall, fixing the old reptile with his determined gaze. "That isn't it at all. It's just that I want to do what I came here to do…what I promised you." He held out the broken staff, even as he was privately surprised at the catch in his own voice.
The shade smiled…wistfully, sadly, but with a definite gentle fondness. "Indeed…it makes my heart glad that you so desire this. I am simply glad you chose to visit me again at all…even if I know you have many questions you wish answered that also brought you here." Even as Tai Lung grumbled to himself at the turtle's ability to divine his heart's intentions, Oogway turned and gestured to one side of the promontory. "Yes, let us see to fulfilling your promise, and then I will tell you what I can."
Following after the sage uncertainly, feeling quite puzzled, the snow leopard stopped when the turtle did, then looked down as Oogway pointed with one stubby-clawed hand. There, several feet away from the base of the tree, a small mound of dirt had been formed, and from the middle of it sprouted a tiny plant. Even though it was such a little thing, something about it made him feel…oddly protective. Perhaps it was the fact that despite growing in such a barren place, it was still a bright, lively green, as if it were bold enough to weather any adversity and still emerge victorious. And though it made absolutely no sense, and he was beginning to doubt his sanity again, he could swear it gave off a feeling of serenity and calm acceptance.
"What's this about?" he said at last, unable to fight the sense that Oogway was toying with him again. "Am I supposed to be a gardener now?"
"No," the turtle said with clear amusement. "Let us just say this is a result of a little talk I had with Shifu before my time here ended. It has many meanings, and many purposes, but one of them is a renewal of faith. It just may help us renew other things as well."
Tai Lung groaned, longing for a wall to bash his head against. Instead he settled for pressing the knobby upper half of the tortoise's stick to his forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Master…please, could you try, for once, to use a nice, direct, declarative sentence? Just for novelty's sake?"
"Or perhaps you, too, need to think outside of the box, my boy?" His tone wasn't offended or annoyed, however, just mildly chiding. And definitely tinged with humor. "Simply hold the staff together above the plant, Tai Lung. We will let our chi and the power of the moon do the rest."
The snow leopard stared at him, dumbfounded, jaw slightly unhinged. And speaking of unhinged…no more joking, he really has cracked. Lost his mind entirely, even though he doesn't have one anymore. But he knew he had to go along with it, no matter how insane it seemed; he couldn't think of a better way to soften the old codger up so that he might be willing to give more worthwhile, informative answers than by humoring him. And by now he had come to accept that whether he liked it or not, he would always end up obeying Oogway no matter how gently and liltingly his requests were made.
Besides…he'd proven frighteningly accurate about the coming threat to the Valley, and the wisdom he'd expressed when holding forth on Yin and Yang was unquestionable. The turtle knew things…who could say that somehow, some way, this seemingly idiotic ritual wouldn't produce results?
Setting his jaw, Tai Lung glanced down at the staff, narrowing his eyes to focus in on the jagged points and splinters in the wood until he could discern exactly how they joined together. Then he took one half in each paw and very carefully fitted them into place, meshing the edges and pressing each tightly against the other. Carefully, being certain not to jostle them apart and further snap the fragile wood, he then extended his arms out in front of him, positioning the broken middle of the staff directly above the sprightly little plant.
When nothing happened, he glanced sardonically at Oogway's ghost. "So now what? I contemplate my navel while you spout Confucius and whatever other mystical mumbo-jumbo you can think of?"
"Tai Lung." Again the reproving tone. "Now, we talk. That is, I believe, why you returned, is it not?"
He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Really? Just like that, you're going to tell me what I want to know? Now why do I not believe that…"
"Why don't you?" Oogway equivocated, although from his tone he wasn't making fun of him, but genuinely confused. "Is it so hard to believe I should wish to help?"
The snow leopard lashed his tail slowly, flicked one ear. There had to be more to it than this, some manner of trick. "So…that's why you brought me here? Just to talk to me?"
"And why must there be more to it? Why must something have another meaning, or require convoluted thought, before you will believe I am being honest with you? We used to speak many times, my boy, and unless I am mistaken, you miss those times as much as I do. So, here I am, ready and willing…shall we? Or did you enjoy being contrary for its own sake?"
Tai Lung frowned thunderously. "I have as good a memory as you, old man, if not clearer. You lived and breathed philosophy, the more cryptic the better. And are you really telling me you just want to chat—there isn't some dire portent to impart, some ominous prophecy to utter? And that the whole thing won't be couched as mysteriously and vaguely as possible?"
"Well…I didn't say that." Oogway both looked and sounded apologetic. "When I lived, divining the future was never an exact science. Much was obscured from me, and there was always the danger of my being mistaken, misinterpreting what I saw, missing a vital clue. Crossing to the realm of the gods has not rent the mists and made my foresight any clearer, my boy. And there are certain things I cannot tell you, no matter how I wish it…things it would be counterproductive for you to know. Things which could well interfere with your destiny, or worse render it impossible to come to pass. Just as some prophecies, were they known, would fulfill themselves as we struggle against them, others would never come true precisely because of the telling of them.
"However," and he raised a hand to forestall Tai Lung's despairing and resentful objection, "as I said, I will tell you what I can, as clearly as it is possible for me to do. As for there not being a coming danger to be concerned about…you know very well that is patently untrue."
Oogway's eyes rested unwaveringly on the snow leopard's, and he experienced a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, along with a deep chill that had nothing to do with the midnight darkness—because he saw something in the turtle's eyes he had never seen there before: worry, and the glimmers of real fear.
Tai Lung swallowed, then nodded. "Fine…then if you would, can you tell me…just what is going on here? Who's behind all this? What's he want from me?"
"Who he is, is immaterial. It would tell you nothing, and I will not utter his name and so give him power. What is much more useful is knowing what he is. He is, to put it quite simply, the greatest and most perfected master of chi I have ever known. Not only his own, but that of anyone with whom he comes in contact. He can manipulate it, control it, twist it to serve his own ends. It gives him power over life and death, shadow as well as light. He is, in a sense, able to tap into the heart of what drives Yin and Yang, and so shift the balance between them…in a single human soul, as well as that of the land itself. His will is adamantine…and with it, he can do things you cannot possibly imagine. Above all, he can turn others to corruption, debasement, and the darkest of motivations solely by influencing their innermost desires."
Whatever he'd expected to hear, that wasn't it. Breath rasping in his throat, the snow leopard stared at Oogway in disbelief. There were many things in this world that could not be explained to any satisfaction…many strange and unusual turns of events that could only be called supernatural or mystical. But Tai Lung had never believed in most of them—a devout skeptic, if one could excuse the oxymoron, he had always been a follower of logic and reason, and thus could not believe in a thing unless he received unequivocal proof of its reality, its existence.
He knew chi was real because he had been trained to draw upon his own. He knew there was a spirit world because he had fought shrieking demons from its depths. He knew there was an afterlife because he had the evidence of it right in front of him. And while he quite often doubted there were gods, or had believed for twenty years that if they existed they had turned their faces from him, there had been times, even in the blackest despair into which Chorh-Gom had plunged him, that he had felt…something there, that he was not alone.
But to know there could be an entity that could harness the power of such spiritual things to use as his weapons, and that by so doing he could take away free will, pervert the most honorable and noble of intentions, and eventually create such imbalance and chaos both within and without that they could never be banished…it was unbelievable, impossible…and terrifying.
Even as he was struggling with this concept, and regarding both it and the Grand Master with cynical doubt—Magic? he scoffed, Was it opium or lotus leaves you had too much of when you were young, Oogway?—the turtle was speaking again.
"As to what he wants from you, I can only surmise he believes your chi will allow him to extend his reach across the Valley, if not all of China. Both because, as the greatest kung fu warrior of your or perhaps any generation, you have a veritable sea of it at your disposal, and because you also, I am afraid, are very easily swayed to give in to your own demons. He wants your power and your service…and I do not think he will break free of his obsession with you until you are his, or one of you is dead."
A very long pause. Then he managed to say, dryly, "Oh, is that all? Well thanks for the warning, now I feel so much better."
Amazingly, Oogway actually chuckled. "You are quite welcome," he said with a twinkle in his eye, as if Tai Lung had been completely serious. "Now, I hope, you will understand why I told you it is so important for you to center yourself and find balance. No person can be free of darkness, Yin and Yang will always be competing within us. But to one who is in touch with all aspects of himself, who can draw strength from each without allowing either to dominate him…one such as this is completely beyond the ability of your adversary to sway."
"So…" Tai Lung bit his lip as he worked to wrap his mind around this; on the one paw, it was more simple than anything he'd ever been told by the turtle, on the other paw it was also incredibly complex. "What will he try to do? What must I guard against? And should I tell the others? Master Shifu?"
Oogway's face seemed to close, and he lowered his eyes to the stone above which he floated. "I do not know the full extent of his powers, nor what precise strategies he might employ. But in one manner or another, you can expect to be tested. Whatever he sends your way, it will be designed to break you, tear down your defenses, and remake you as his creature. It will distract you or lure you, confuse you or fool you…it will be unexpected, yet also aimed straight at the heart of who you are and what you desire. And in one way or another, I suspect you will have to face, and deal with, your past once and for all. There can be no other manner in which you can triumph…and I fully believe you can, my boy. That strength which has always sustained you, kept others out of your heart, denied the truths they tried to show you…it can now be your greatest defense, if you can only learn to harness it, let Shifu guide it.
"As for the Five…you may tell them what you wish. But I think you know they are not likely to trust, or believe. You yourself do not believe me yet, and I do not blame you. None of you will until you stare into the abyss, and it stares back. I only hope then it will not be too late."
Shaking his head, the spotted feline growled softly, his paws gripping tighter on the staff until he was certain he heard the wood cracking. "I don't understand, Master. How…how can I fight such a thing? I wouldn't know where to begin."
"You cannot defeat him by force of arms," Oogway agreed. "This will be a battle of will, a test of your courage and fortitude, and a tempering of your spirit. It will require cunning and intellect, wisdom and foresight. But it is what you were meant to do, and there is no other who could do it better. It is what I have always believed…and once you do the same, there is nothing you cannot achieve."
Tai Lung felt his heart swell in his chest, even as it also throbbed with a buried pain. He had always longed to hear the turtle praise him so highly, to speak of his talents and skills in such glowing terms, to be told that, just as his father believed in his destiny as the Dragon Warrior, so too did Oogway. Now that he had finally received it…he no longer felt worthy of it. Courage? That had deserted him when he lost the scroll, when his insecurities had made him believe he was utterly worthless in the Valley's eyes; only a coward would have abused his kung fu training to slaughter so many innocents, to believe that becoming a bully somehow made him superior. Wisdom? If he'd had that, he would have understood the scroll's meaning when he finally got it away from Po, would have known years ago why he had been denied it, would in fact have struck his balance long before the day of the naming ceremony.
No, he didn't have what it took to withstand a foe of this magnitude. Tigress had said it best: all he knew was bloodshed and violence, and while he had the cleverness to be a successful general, he also had the smarts to know, after having it drummed into his stubborn skull, when he was outclassed.
"Master, I…I'm afraid I don't deserve your faith in me." He hung his head, squeezed his eyes shut. "You know what I've done. You know how easy it would be for me to do it again. This…this chi wizard, he'd have a field day with me. Wouldn't it be better to send me far away, where I wouldn't be a danger to anyone? If I stay here…I know he'll claim me. I'll hurt…those I care for again. I know it."
It hurt to admit this, but he could not allow pride to get in the way now. Po had nearly died because he'd allowed bloodlust and arrogance to get the better of him with the Wu Sisters. How much worse would that be, if this enemy could inflame and control such emotions in him? Tigress could be next…or Crane, or Viper…
The warmest, most loving smile he had ever seen on Oogway's face…one which reminded him, suddenly, of long-forgotten cubhood memories…beamed out at him from the twirling peach blossoms. "No," he said—low, insistent, and earnestly sympathetic. "You have it backwards, my child. The very fact you are so determined to absent yourself, so as to protect them…the very fear that you will fall prey to him…these tell me you are right where you belong, that you are learning, that you will be proof against him in ways he cannot even comprehend."
"I don't understand."
"You will." He was not smug in this, nor mocking the snow leopard…only immensely and confidently satisfied.
"But…" Tai Lung looked at him, feeling that old familiar urge to throttle him, to try and shake sense and a straight answer out of him. But more than just the fact he was holding the staff together stopped him. "How can I do what you expect of me, Master? You must know what they think of me in the village. You know they hate and fear me, that they'll never accept me. And now, after what happened to the Dragon Warrior, Tigress is never going to trust me again. She probably isn't the only one. How can I do what needs to be done, if I have all that standing in my way?"
He almost admitted the truth…that he didn't believe he could become a true hero if he didn't have someone beside him, showing him he deserved to be loved. That he yearned above everything else to claim Tigress for his own, and if he could not, he feared the bitterness of that rejection would taint him just as much as being denied the Dragon Scroll had twenty years before. That even with Mei Ling's timely assistance, he had the frustrating certainty that whatever had been growing and building between them had been utterly dashed the minute Tigress had seen his bloody paws on the panda's throat, an image she would never be able to ignore.
But he knew such a thing was selfish, and that if he truly wanted to be a legend, as well as survive this siege, he had to set such shallow lust aside. For that was what it was, he saw that now. He wanted her only because his body told him to, because she was quite simply the most drop-dead gorgeous female he'd ever laid eyes on, and because if he could possess her he could finally leave a lasting legacy in the form of his children. Hardly the most noble of aspirations.
No, if he was to make anything of himself now, to be ready to face this test Oogway said lay ahead of him, he had to let Tigress go…if for no other reason than because if the wizard learned how much she mattered to him, he would surely threaten her to compel obedience. And neither that threat, nor his service, could be allowed.
Oogway clasped his misty hands in front of him and regarded his former student proudly; for a split second, Tai Lung was certain the turtle knew exactly what he'd been thinking, and actually approved. "Do not be troubled, Tai Lung. Simply continue along the path you have chosen, and you will find the tools you need to overcome. As for what…others…think of you, I can only say, you must let these things proceed at their own pace, and take their natural course."
Easier said than done. But could he possibly be implying it was too early to give up…that his suit might still have merit after all? Shelving the matter to ponder later, he pressed onwards. "And the Wu Sisters? What do I do about them, where do they fit into this?"
For a full minute, the turtle gazed at him rather blankly. When he finally answered, his tone was completely befuddled. "I don't know." A beat, and then he shrugged apologetically beneath his shell. "They are something I'm afraid I did not foresee. It is possible their presence may upset the balance…but I think in the end, you will know how to deal with them."
Tai Lung rolled his eyes, but couldn't exactly object; whatever else the assassins were, they were clearly mortals with no special powers beyond what any kung fu master could attain. Surely they could indeed be dispatched with relative ease compared to this shadowy figure. "And the one doing the killings? Is that our friendly neighborhood chi puppeteer, or does he have someone else working for him you don't know about?"
Oogway's expression became flat and stern, yet also closed, revealing nothing about his thoughts. "All I can see is death, in his past, present, and future. I think you must face the possibility that neither the dead, nor the past, will stay buried."
Something in his choice of words chilled the snow leopard anew, but he would not let himself follow his train of thoughts to its end. Instead he locked gazes with his old mentor, silent and still while he again squeezed the staff—as much to draw strength from it as to have an outlet for his emotions. He knew there were things Oogway wasn't telling him, but considering what the turtle had chosen to reveal, he had to believe that nothing which had been held back would endanger his life, that it had been withheld for his own good or the time was not right. That being the case…
"Fine, I'll take what I can get. If that's all you can tell me…then all I can say is, I'll do my best not to let you down. I'll…I'll try to be what you think I am."
The minute those words passed his lips, he felt a flare of warmth in his paws, and then Oogway smiled at him brightly. "Now that is just what I wanted to hear. And I think, if you look down, Tai Lung, you'll find you're better at repair work than you thought."
Doing as instructed, he discovered two things that made him inhale sharply and widen his eyes in awe: the tiny green plant was glowing with a buttery, golden light that had risen in sparkling motes to surround his paws…and it had penetrated the staff, thereby rejoining the halves seamlessly and flawlessly. The haft of wood was whole once more…and somehow, as he slid his paws along the length and turned it about to a vertical position, he felt an odd, intimate connection with it. As if, in some strange way, a part of himself—his chi, perhaps—had flowed into it while he held it, aiding in the healing…leaving its own mark.
"How…?"
Oogway gestured again, and as the snow leopard watched, some of the petals which composed his soul substance drifted free to waft across the intervening space between them, riding on a breath of wind to swirl around the staff. "Perhaps I should have been a bit more specific when I identified that plant for you, my boy. It is, in fact, the sprout of a peach tree, taken from this very tree we stand beneath. Peaches, as you know, are imbued with great wisdom, those of this sacred tree more than most.
"My staff was fashioned from the wood of this same tree. A budding seed is a focus of new life. The full moon, which holds sway over the cycles of life, shines down upon us. All these together allowed me to make the necessary repairs. That, and the fact you blessed it with your chi as much as I did." He paused, then gazed at Tai Lung significantly. "Our life forces are now joined within that old stick. This makes it stronger than it ever was before—I would not presume to call it unbreakable, but it is certainly hardier than it normally would be. It also gives me the power to grant certain protections to you, so that you are not left defenseless against your enemy. You will not be alone again…not anymore."
Lowering the staff until it hung at his waist, the feline stared in wonder and disbelief at the turtle. When he spoke at last, it was in a very soft, uncertain whisper. "I don't believe it…what we found in your room. You really do care about me…don't you?"
Withdrawing his hand and the dancing petals, Oogway nodded firmly, his expression both sad and dignified. "Of course I do, Tai Lung. I always did. How could I not? I was not blinded by ambition and pride, the way Shifu was…I had nothing riding on your success, no vested interest beyond seeing you make the best of yourself and your talents that you could. You brought youthful enthusiasm and unquestionable honor to my twilight years, and you were among the bravest and strongest students I have ever trained. I was as hurt by your betrayal, by losing you, as your father was. And even though it had to be done, I regretted having to paralyze and imprison you more than you can possibly know." Now his face was a mass of mournful, drooping lines.
He wanted to believe it. It would take away the sting he felt, even this many years after the fact, whenever he thought of how the scroll had been denied him. It would let him know all the time spent training with the turtle had not been in vain, that it had not been a chore Oogway underwent simply to humor Shifu but rather a task he approached with happiness and pleasure. But he could not accept it—not until he received an answer to the question that had been burning inside him ever since he was locked away in Chorh-Gom.
"If that is true," he said slowly, doing his level best to restrain the resentment and contempt burning within him, "then tell me this, Oogway: why did you never come to Mongolia and visit me? Why was I left alone in the dark? Why did you never show even one shred of remorse for what you'd done to me…one sign that you believed me capable of redemption…that you would ever let me free, one day?" He gritted his teeth, both to hold back his snarl of outrage and to keep his voice from breaking.
Wind whipped and rushed about the mountain top, billowing Tai Lung's clothing and setting the peach blossoms to another gyrating dance, but otherwise all was shockingly silent. Then at last, the tortoise looked up at him with eyes filled with an ancient pain and regret. "You know why I could not bear to look at you, just as Shifu could not. Just as you were his son, you were also my grandson, and it tore me in two to contemplate seeing you sealed away forever. It was to spare myself that sorrow that I stayed away…and I knew, too, that after what you had done, after what you believed about me and why I denied you the scroll, I would be the last person you should wish to see. So it was to spare you pain, too.
"That is also why I fought to keep Vachir from being made your warden…I knew that one who had personally suffered the loss of blood kin to your rampage would be the last person who should be in charge of your upkeep. That he would carry an unrelenting hatred and a desire for the cruelest revenge until his dying day. That he had the same capacity for darkness within him as you did…and the imbalance created as each of you fed off the other's Yang would be more terrible than either of you could manage alone. I did not wish to see what that would do to you, what that would make of your prison. It would have been an endless, inhuman torture. Was I mistaken?"
Tai Lung said not a word, but he didn't have to; his silence said everything.
"I also feared the wizard," Oogway added after an appropriate pause. "I knew he would be seeking you out, to feed off of you…twist you into even further depravity. I felt if I stayed away, he would not be able to find you, or at least would not be drawn to you by my chi. I was always a considerable thorn in his side for centuries; it was me he would focus on, I made certain of that."
Something surprisingly cold and self-satisfied passed over the turtle's face as he chuckled softly. "But I also never visited for one other reason, the same that you were never released: because, my boy, I kept in close correspondence with various members of the Anvil of Heaven. And they told me that never once did you show you deserved to be released. Never once did you truly repent of your sins."
The snow leopard's breath caught in his throat.
Oogway gazed at him not without sympathy, but his voice was still rather hard as he continued. "I never intended you to be a prisoner for life, no matter what those in the Valley thought or wished. I fully believed that once you calmed from your rage, once you remembered the lessons Shifu and I taught you, you would realize your error and ask for our forgiveness. If I had seen any sign of this, of the goodness and nobility returning to your heart, I would have released you in an instant and welcomed you back with open arms, Tai Lung. But you never did. Only you know why…but that is why you stayed there for twenty years. I am afraid you built your own prison."
Tai Lung, once again, felt like collapsing to his knees, although this time he managed to stay upright with only a slight rocking, even as he almost dropped the staff. He knew why. Obsession. Insanity. A belief that his birthright and destiny had been denied him. Hatred which had dug its poison into his heart, as he only sought revenge against those who had misled him, shaped him, turned his life to just one purpose only to then take it away. They had hurt him, and so he had wished to hurt them back. How could he admit how truly wrong he'd been, when he fully believed they were just as wrong to raise him as they did, to not give him what had been promised? So he had fallen deeper into despair, arrogance, and bloodlust. And by that act, he had sealed his own fate. Oogway was absolutely right.
Unbidden, an image rose into his mind, one which had haunted him and tormented him for all of his years in Chorh-Gom, whether dreaming or awake: the moment in which he would have been named the Dragon Warrior. Except this time, for the first time since it had happened, the scene looked different to his memory. Always before, all he had ever seen was the dismissive way the turtle had turned away after refusing him, how he would not even look at Tai Lung as he walked away into the shadows of the hall—it had seemed to him a clear indication the old master held him in contempt, had deliberately kept the scroll from him because he believed him worthless.
But now, viewing it again, he saw things he had not noticed before…how when he had ducked down to peer into Shifu's eyes and shaken his head, his expression had not been malicious, hateful, or rejecting…only deeply sad. And when he turned away, he had leaned on his staff more heavily than usual, his shoulders slumping beneath shell and cloak…slumping, he now understood, in disappointment. Oogway had wanted to give him the Dragon Scroll, had wished he could…he had known how deeply Tai Lung had wanted it, and it had hurt him not to be able to fulfill the snow leopard's lifelong dream…
Hanging his head, he sighed shudderingly, feeling all the anger leaving him in favor of penitence and regret as quietly, wearily, painfully, he forgave Oogway. "I'm sorry, Master. It's…it's twenty years too late, but I'm sorry."
The turtle shook his head and folded his hands in front of him. "Didn't you pay attention, my boy? It is never too late. Not until your life has ended…and often, not even then, as you will always receive the chance to repay your debt and earn your reward in your next incarnation. What matters is you are here now, and you still have a chance to set things right. You cannot change the past, but the past can change you."
Nodding mechanically, the snow leopard twisted his paws back and forth around the staff, feeling particularly wretched. "But I wronged you, Master. I thought ill of you for so many years, when I shouldn't have. I…I wish there were some way to undo it. Or at least, do you the proper honor. I didn't even attend your funeral, damnit!"
Oogway smiled, in that way which meant he was enjoying a private amusement. "Well…there is one thing I think might help you with that."
He didn't move or gesture, but suddenly the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom shook in a nonexistent wind, and something wooden abruptly clattered on the stone behind Tai Lung. Whirling about, he looked down…and felt his throat constrict.
Lying at his feet was something he never thought he'd see again, something which had been stored away to gather dust after he reached adolescence and had been consumed only by thoughts of the Dragon Scroll. As far as he'd known, it had been tossed out or burned after his rampage, along with so many of his other possessions. But here it was now, looking just as he remembered it…a peach wood flute, the perfect twin to the one Shifu still owned…the one he had given his father for his birthday when he was what, six or seven? Quite a bit larger, of course, with finger holes sized for a snow leopard, but nevertheless unmistakable.
"Did you think I had forgotten?" Oogway's voice had a smile in it. "You might have pretended you had done so, that something as gentle and artistic as music was a thing a great kung fu fighter and Dragon Warrior in training had no time for. But you had a talent for it, my boy, one I always tried to encourage. And that is something you never lose entirely. It just needs to be…re-awoken inside of you. Like so much else."
Slowly…very slowly…he knelt down and reached out a trembling, tentative paw to pick up the flute. As soon as he touched it, it felt familiar, as if it were a part of him he had just misplaced, and now that it was back he knew exactly what to do with it. In fact as he lifted it up and idly leaned the staff against a boulder, he found his fingers moving to the holes of their own accord, picking out notes he hadn't played in years. He put the flute to his mouth…blew experimentally. The sound was as rich and pure as he remembered it, although tinged with mournfulness—absolutely fitting, as far as he was concerned.
He turned and looked at Oogway. The turtle peered at him beseechingly, eyes bright and hopeful. Somehow, looking at them, he couldn't help but feel a kindling of the same emotions within him. How could he ever have believed the Grand Master had hated him, had been deliberately malicious and cruel in withholding the scroll? Such things were anathema to him. Yet despite the fact he'd harbored such impossible and terrible thoughts about Oogway for so long, the reptile was still willing to forgive him—had in fact already done so long ago, and had just been waiting for the word from him before expressing it. He really is crazy. But…in a good way.
Swallowing against the growing lump in his throat, Tai Lung faced the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom—and then, before he could change his mind, leaped forward and, with claws unsheathed, began scaling the trunk. This was something he had to do. And just perhaps, the fact he could do so meant he might just get to reach his other goals as well…
From the direction of the cliff where the sacred peach tree grew, a sound was gradually carried on the wind across the Valley…faint and soft at first, but growing more confident and determined as time passed. The few who were awake to hear it—tavern keepers and their final patrons of the night, village elders praying before their ancestor tablets, patrolling guardsmen and a weary scribe at the Jade Palace…and two others at the doors of the Hall of Warriors—stopped whatever they were doing, as there was something strangely compelling about it.
Soon enough, they could discern it was music, a lone flutist whom no one could see, although sharper ears could pinpoint it seemed to be coming from someone perched in the branches of the tree. The tune was an old one, not heard in the Valley in almost forty years…melancholy and somber, a song usually played in honor of the dead, but somehow laced this time with a slight hope, as if yearning for something once thought out of reach. Some who stared up toward the mountain top swore they saw something rose-pink and shimmering hovering beneath the tree, as if some visitant spirit were listening too.
Many an eye did not stay dry that night. Many a heart ached with an unspoken longing they could not put words to. And many wondered just who was paying homage to Grand Master Oogway—for who else could it be for, coming from the boughs of his tree?—and why they felt such power from the music…for while it was undeniably masterful work, it was hardly the composition of an Imperial Court musician.
But at least one who listened knew who was playing, recognized the quality of the flute and the talent of the player. And as the song continued to float around the Jade Mountain, wrapping it in its exotic sound, Master Shifu's eyes, too, brimmed over with unshed tears.
Almost a half hour later, having scaled the steps in utter silence and swiftness, rather feeling like a sneak thief returning to the scene of the crime—and wasn't that what it was, the scene of so many of his crimes?—Tai Lung paused when he saw that the great doors of the Jade Palace stood open a crack. Had he left them ajar? He couldn't remember. Flicking his ears irritably, he listened intently for any sound, any indication at all that anything was amiss and someone had caught him at his secret errand. But no one seemed to be about, with both the mountain and the temple shrouded in the peaceful, quiet darkness of the early morning hours.
Sighing, the snow leopard pushed the door open—slowly, gently, so as not to make the hinges creak—the scant amount needed to admit him into the Hall of Warriors. Then he slipped inside and padded over to the same altar he'd prayed at before leaving. Nothing had changed…the candles still burned fitfully in the breeze from the doorway, and the portrait of Oogway was the same on the wall…but inside his heart, everything had changed, all was different.
Reverently, treating it like the holy relic it truly was, he placed the repaired staff back on its stand, then took a slight step back so he could once more bring his paws together and give a much deeper kung fu bow.
"So that is what you went to do. I thought as much."
The voice was so sudden, so unexpected, that even though it spoke in a mild, conversational tone suitable for the time of night, it might as well have been shouted at the top of the speaker's lungs. Letting out a terrified yowl and leaping several feet off the marble floor, Tai Lung whirled around, his paw already clutching his heaving chest. When he landed, leaning slightly against a pillar for support, of course he spied Shifu standing there watching him. The red panda looked slightly quizzical, as well as openly amused, but thankfully he didn't laugh or make any humorous and therefore mortifying comment. He only waited expectantly.
After he'd calmed his breathing and felt his pulse slow down back to normal again, the feline briefly glared at his master—while Shifu was naturally a quiet person, the fact he could have announced his presence sooner and less shockingly made it very clear to Tai Lung he'd purposefully given the snow leopard a scare. Damnit, I may not be as decrepit as you, old man, but I'm not getting any younger either…and I think that just shaved a few more years off!
Forcing the furious look out of his eyes, he drew himself up to his full height, opened his mouth to speak…then thought better of it, and instead picked up the staff again, holding it out mutely to Shifu, resting lightly across both palms.
His master took the stick, hefted it experimentally, fingered the middle where it had been snapped in two, then set it against the floor and wrapped both paws around it. There he stood, breathing deeply as if drawing strength from the renewed chi flowing within it…and somehow, in the silence, Tai Lung swore he could hear the echo of that terrible crack which had accompanied its breaking.
At last, Shifu opened his eyes and looked at him. "Thank you," he said simply. "You have been communing with his spirit for some time now, haven't you?"
Can't get one past you, can I? "Yes. In fact he's the one who convinced me to accept your offer."
"So, I am not the only one helping to teach you," the panda murmured thoughtfully. "That is…good news. Every day, it seems, I have a new reason to hope for the best for you, Tai Lung. With Oogway's assistance, you cannot fail."
You cannot fail. He'd said the exact same words, many times through the years when speaking of the Dragon Scroll and the certainty that it would be his. Yet when it had come down to it, and the artifact was not granted to him, the panda had simply stared helplessly from his student to his master…and then hurried away after the turtle, leaving Tai Lung alone. He remembered vividly the conversation—no, the argument—that had taken place afterward…
"What the HELL was that about?" Only by sheer force of will had he kept from beginning his rampage early, smashing apart altar tables and weapons racks, tearing priceless tapestries to shreds, kicking the nearest brazier fifty feet out the doors to hover motionlessly in the air before tumbling down the stairway. As it was, he still punched a pillar so hard he cracked the marble.
"No matter what has happened, Tai Lung, I will not have cursing in the Jade Palace," Shifu snapped peevishly—although on some level, he knew his master was not just incensed over his swearing…he too was furious about this decision.
"I will say whatever I damn well bloody please!" he raged, balling a fist. "This is NOT fair, I have worked my fucking arse off for this for eighteen excruciating years, and this is what I get? Nothing?"
"You still mastered all one thousand scrolls, Tai Lung," the panda retorted. "I'd hardly call that nothing."
Tai Lung laughed derisively. "When was the last time you left your comfy palace and actually went down to the village to see how the other half lives? Must not have been very recently, or you'd know everyone there doesn't give a damn about kung fu. It's been so damn peaceful here for so long, they've forgotten why that is. No, all they care about is the Dragon Warrior, you got their hopes up that he'd be chosen, just as much as you did mine, and now that I'm not…they're going to want nothing to do with me!"
He balled both fists this time, then turned and kicked over a silkscreen with a noisy clatter. "D'you know what they call me down there? D'you even care? Honorless. Fatherless. The orphan no one wanted. They're just going to love this! Especially that pompous ass Vachir…"
"Do not disrespect the Anvil of Heaven that way again, or I shall confine you to your room!" Shifu emphasized his point with the swinging of his bamboo staff, the sound of it whistling through the air before the lightweight but hard wood landed in a stinging slap across the backs of the snow leopard's thighs, making him yelp and whirl about, clapping his paws to his backside. "And of course I care! But this will pass in time, my boy. They will forget, especially if you help them to see past this one thing you lack, to all the things you do possess. Something you cannot do if you throw a fit—what are you, a man or a cub?" Shifu's eyes had blazed angrier than he ever remembered them.
"Neither!" he snarled. "I'm nothing, that's what I am. I'm a has-been now, an ex-hero. Maybe if this hadn't been my goal, if no one had ever expected more of me than mastering the thousand scrolls, it'd be different. But it's too late now, I'm just the Dragon Warrior wannabe!"
"Son…no." Both the panda's face and voice fell as he stared at him in disbelief. "You are so much more than that, you must believe it! If…if it matters that much to you, I'm certain we can find another role for you, another way you can make a legend of yourself. At least you can be made a master, that I promise you."
"I must believe you? You promise me?" Tai Lung sneered. "You've been saying that all my life, Master—" He uttered the title with blatant sarcasm. "—and look where it's gotten me! And there isn't anything else I can be, or do! Don't you get it? You've turned me into this, made it so I didn't have anything else but kung fu, told me I would be the Dragon Warrior until every bit of me was convinced of it. Without that…all that work was useless! I can't settle for something else, something lesser. That isn't good enough for me, for them, or for—"
He broke off abruptly; he would not admit how badly he wanted to hear Shifu say, at last, that he was proud of him. He in turn had too much pride for that. And he knew now that without the scroll, he would never hear it.
"What has gotten into you, Tai Lung?" Shifu sounded both mystified and appalled. "Maybe…maybe Master Oogway was right about you. Maybe you do have too much darkness in you…"
"Is that what this is about?" He laughed again, harshly. "I think his brains are going. I may have a temper, but I'm not evil."
"I don't think that's what he meant…"
He didn't let his father finish. Because now he was pleading with Shifu. "Please, Father, you have to tell him that. I promise, I'll do whatever he wants, pass whatever tests he wants to throw at me—drive off the Huns again, go off and face legions of demons, whatever it takes. But I have to have that scroll, it means everything to me! Doesn't he understand that?"
"Of course he does, but it isn't that simple. In any case, he has made up his mind, and his decision is final."
"Then overrule him!"
"I don't have that power, and even if I did, I couldn't use it that way."
"Couldn't, or wouldn't?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Just what it sounds like." Tai Lung glared at him, even as, again, he felt as if his heart were breaking into jagged fragments, each one slicing deeply into his flesh. "I'm starting to wonder who's more important to you: your master, or your son."
Shifu inhaled sharply, a stricken look on his face. "Why, you impertinent…how dare you? That is grossly unfair, you know I cannot choose between you."
"The truth hurts, doesn't it? And I thought I meant everything to you." Despite the stilted tone in his voice, he couldn't keep the real anguish from bleeding through.
"You do! It's just that…"
"Just what? It's a simple question, Master: who's more important? Are you going to let that stupid old man rule your life, or are you going to give me what you know I should have had?"
Shifu had stood there, stunned into silence, his eyes flicking from Tai Lung's face, to the Moon Pool, to the hall which led to Oogway's chamber. The fact he hesitated at all only made the snow leopard more upset, but at the same time he thought, for a single shining moment, that the panda would do as he asked, would fetch the scroll for him. But then at last his tiny shoulders slumped and he muttered, "I…no, I can't. Master Oogway always does things for a reason, there must be something we're not seeing. Somehow, I was mistaken…you are not the Dragon Warrior. But you can still be a hero, I know it!"
The words flowed in one ear and out the other, ignored and unheard. His heart wasn't in pain anymore…now he just felt cold. He felt nothing. "I see. I guess that answers that question." Turning away contemptuously, he stalked toward the doors and the steps down to the village.
"This isn't over, Tai Lung. We will find a way out…I won't rest till you're purged of this darkness! I'll make a place for you, better than the Dragon Warrior's!" The panda sounded desperate now.
"There is nothing better," he growled over his shoulder. "But you're right…it isn't over…" And with those ominous words, he stormed out, ignoring his father's—no, his master's—cries to go to his room and stay there, to meditate on what he could do to balance himself. He would go down to the village, and this once break the vow he'd made in Hunan. Because if anything justified poisoning himself with a drink…no, a barrel of alcohol…it was this…
"Tai Lung?"
Snapping out of his reverie, the snow leopard stared down at Shifu—for a moment, still recalling the terrible rage, pain, and betrayal he had felt that day twenty years ago. But as soon as he saw the look of concern on the panda's features, he shook himself free and reminded himself, forcibly, that as Oogway had said, the past could not be changed. And if instead it were to change him, he would wish it to be by providing him examples of what never to do again, not causing him to backslide into the same bitter, repetitive beliefs.
Yet he also could not deny that the Hall of Warriors held many memories for him, bad as well as good, memories which kept reminding him of what he had suffered…and what he in turn had inflicted on others. Especially Shifu. Even though he had worked with Zhuang to erect a new set of doors, it took no more than a moment to recall how it had felt to smash through the old ones…to watch the aged wood splinter and disintegrate under his incredible onslaught, leaving only a jagged hole for him to burst through, roaring and snarling like a wild beast let loose from its cage.
And so he was; so overwhelmed by his fearsome temper had he been, he hadn't even been thinking clearly, if at all. Instead of coming back to confront Oogway, argue with him, and convince him to change his mind and hand over the scroll as had been his original intention after drowning his sorrows—or else secretively sneaking into the palace and simply stealing his heart's desire—like the hunting predator he was, Tai Lung had had only one thing in mind, to sink his claws into the Dragon Scroll and make it his. All else had been but obstacles in his way—he'd barely even been aware it was his father leaping at him until the last possible second, when he had already lashed out with his paw and it was too late to spare him. Of course, once he was paralyzed by Oogway, and the mixture of adrenaline rush and berserker blood rage had begun to fade as he lay on the floor, it was a different story entirely…
Similarly, one glance at the Moon Pool behind Shifu served to remind him of how he had nearly killed him a second time, just three weeks ago. How he'd hurled him backwards again and again with each successive blow of his flame-wreathed paws, sent him smashing and battered into the cracked steps…and then, when the panda had dared apologize to him and tell him he was proud of him, as if that made everything better, as if he could even trust it was real, how he had literally shaken him by his robe, then slammed him down again.
Even as he looked down morosely at Shifu, the snow leopard could recall how it felt to have the panda's pulse flutter under his fingers, how the tendons and bones in his neck had slowly been giving way under the pressure…if Po had arrived just a few minutes later…
"Forgive me, Master…" He licked dry lips, swallowed to moisten his throat as well. "I'm…there's a lot to think about, and I'm not sure where to go from here." Quite the understatement! And it didn't even refer to the information Oogway had given him about this chi wizard, which he still didn't know how much to reveal to Shifu. The red panda, after all, was no more a person to take such superstitious matters on faith than Tai Lung was, and even if he believed him, somehow the snow leopard didn't think he was meant to tell all. Not yet, not until it threatened others more directly. This challenge, this test, was one he had to weather alone. And in any case, he still wasn't certain he could bring himself to trust Shifu…or whether Shifu should trust him.
On the one paw, he had loved the panda so very much that at times it had hurt, an ache he could almost feel. So when his father had apparently turned on him, refused to stand up for him…and the thing he had always dreamed of, that which would have guaranteed Shifu's love, had been denied him…it had been as if a halberd had swapped ends, his love turning to pure hatred. On the other paw, he'd then been willing to kill the very one he had once loved, and all over a roll of parchment which in the end had turned out to be meaningless.
Of course he hadn't known that at the time, nor had he intended to kill Shifu at the start. A small part of him, that which he would once call naïve and now seemed more like clinging to that last shred of hope and decency, had actually thought that if he could convince Shifu to step aside and let him take the scroll willingly, then everything would have been all right. There would have been no need to fight, in all honesty he hadn't wanted to—and once the scroll was his, he would have used its power to prove himself a true hero, and everyone from Shifu on down to the lowliest villager would realize they were wrong about him. His crimes would be forgotten, with only his assured future as a legendary protector forefront in all their minds.
Tai Lung shook his head sadly. He must still have been unstable as a mudslide, to believe that could ever have happened.
When that avenue had failed, then, to have the panda instead try and appeal to his better nature had felt like a slap in the face. He'd resented the implication that he needed an apology or forgiveness, when all he'd wanted was the Dragon Scroll. Only with its mystical abilities could he be victorious—on some level he'd even convinced himself that it could cure him of his darkness and rage, and so retroactively make him worthy of it after all. Shifu would surely love him then… But even more importantly, he'd had absolutely no reason at the time to believe in his father's sincerity. This was the man who had told him, when he returned to the Valley, that it was no longer his home and he was no longer his master. This was the man who had fought him practically to the death, when there'd have been no need for it if he had simply handed the scroll over. It was only after Tai Lung had utterly beaten him that Shifu began spouting out his apologies.
So it had been so easy, when the lure of the scroll still hung before him, when he still thought he was being denied his rightful possession and that only by obtaining it could he make everything the way it should be, to think that Shifu had simply been telling him what he wanted to hear, a desperate, last-ditch effort to spare his own life. He knew now, of course, after that day in the kwoon if nothing else, that the panda had been honest, albeit ineffectual, in his apologies. Yet after forty years—twenty of those spent breaking his back, the other twenty spent rotting in a hellhole prison—to hear that from his own father, coming back to find that the one who supposedly loved and was proud of him had replaced him with other students, had even chosen another Dragon Warrior in his place, and then having him only apologize when there was a very good chance it might save him...
But now that he knew the scroll would never be his, suddenly the panda's words to him that day weren't so worthless or insincere anymore. Suddenly, if he could not be the Dragon Warrior, instead being master of the thousand scrolls—being a kung fu master at all—seemed a fairly attractive and honorable prospect. Suddenly, if there was nothing left for him to attain, knowing he did have Shifu's love and the panda had always been proud of him was more precious to him than all the jade in the Imperial City. And if at the time he'd been trying to reach out to his father and the love he thought might still be there, only to have the panda coldly dismiss him as having any place at the Jade Palace, to angrily deny he ever had a chance to be the Dragon Warrior and should just have accepted Oogway's decision gracefully…well, that didn't change the fact that he had received his love and pride after all, if only too little, too late.
And yet, he'd still come that close to killing Shifu. That, too, was something that could never be forgiven. Not even by himself. As he had told Tigress, it was the worst thing he could ever have done, and every time he thought of it now, it filled him with horror. All his prior reasoning could explain his actions...but it could never justify them...
Around and around his thoughts chased each other in his beleaguered mind, harrying and pursuing each other like leaves caught in a dust devil, until finally he couldn't take it anymore. He had to find some way to lay these demons to rest… Clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides, he spoke forcefully, yet also imploringly.
"Master Shifu…please…I have to know. I've made my peace with Master Oogway, I've honored him and done what little I could to make it up to him for all the misery I caused him. But…I can't do the same with you until you answer me one question."
Unsurprisingly, Shifu blinked several times, and now he seemed to be the one a little unsteady on his feet. But he recovered quickly and only nodded, slow and patient. "Very well. Ask."
Tai Lung closed his eyes, took several deep breaths, and nerved himself. "Why didn't you stand up for me, that day Oogway turned me down for the scroll?"
Apparently on some level the panda must have expected this question eventually, because he didn't seem to need to take long to gather his thoughts before he spoke. "There were…several reasons, my student. Most of them, if you can believe it, involved fear. Quite obviously, I was afraid of the darkness Oogway said existed in you…afraid of what it could do, what you would become if I did not stop you. But I was also afraid to defend you, because I had lost all confidence in myself."
"You?" Tai Lung snorted, half-disdainfully, half in amusement. "I find that hard to believe, you're as damned proud as I am."
"Indeed, which as I told you when we fought was exactly the problem. But yes, you see I had convinced myself I knew better than my master. That if I was not to be the Dragon Warrior myself, I was destined to raise and train him. That I couldn't possibly have made any mistakes, either in reading your aptitude or in my parenting. But when Master Oogway made it quite clear this was not the case, my pride was shattered. I had made too many assumptions, about you and about myself, and now I knew it. I couldn't take the chance of defending you, because I no longer trusted my own judgment. I had been fooled by my own arrogance and swayed by my love for you. How could I be trusted to be objective anymore? How could I know I wasn't appealing on your behalf to save face for myself, or to spare you pain, rather than because it was the right thing to do or I was destined to do so?"
He sighed, glanced away in shame, even as Tai Lung stared at him wonderingly; he had never heard Shifu be this candid about himself, admitting to such glaringly ugly yet very human faults. "It was selfish of me, I know, but I couldn't take the chance of being controlled by my emotions…so in the end, I pushed you into that same trap instead."
Before Tai Lung could do more than raise a paw questioningly—uncertain himself whether he meant to offer it in a comforting shoulder pat or turn it into a fist to smash the panda's face in—his master stood up straight and true, locking his blue eyes onto the snow leopard's golden ones. "However, I am afraid I also had one other compelling reason…one which would have led to the exact same decision, even if I still trusted myself completely and your darkness were not a factor. I did not defend you to Master Oogway because I knew he was right: you could never be the Dragon Warrior, at least not at that time…either I had failed in your training, or you did not heed my lessons, because you seemed to have forgotten what it means to be a true hero."
Silence again descended over the Hall of Warriors, almost as if the sacred artifacts and the masters who had once owned them were all watching, sitting in judgment, waiting with bated breath to see whether the breach between master and son would now be healed, or would widen to an impassable distance. Into that quiet, Tai Lung said coldly, putting every ounce of his offended dignity into it, "What are you talking about?"
The red panda did not flinch, only continued gazing into the face looming above him. "It is quite simple, really. A true hero, especially one such as the Dragon Warrior, does not only require a pure heart…he must be completely selfless. He must choose to aid the needy, the injured, the oppressed, and those whose lives are in danger, because it is the right thing to do. Not because he expects any reward for it, monetary or otherwise."
"Yes, yes," Tai Lung snapped. "I know that, Shifu. Since when did I ever ask for, or assume, any reward for anything I did growing up, in or outside the Valley?"
"You did not," the panda agreed. "In that respect, you were a consummate warrior, noble, good-hearted, and truly heroic. But you have neglected one thing…the most important thing of all. What was your reason for seeking the Dragon Scroll, that which you have continually drummed into my head and anyone else's who will listen to you?"
"To make a name for myself, to prove myself worthy even though I didn't have a family or ancestors," he responded automatically. "And to earn your—" He broke off…his throat actually locked up as the truth finally dawned on him—so shockingly painful but also so incredibly obvious he felt like slamming his head repeatedly into a pillar. Idiot! Idiot!
Shifu, thankfully, did not lord it over him, nor do anything as petty as gloating or patronizing him. Instead he only kept that same unblinking gaze on him, eyes sadder and more sympathetic than Tai Lung had ever believed they could be. "Yes. You sought the Dragon Scroll in order to achieve a place for yourself in the world, to receive honor instead of the mistreatment and rejection given to orphans. And above all, you wanted it because you thought it would give you my love, make me proud of you. But those were still rewards, Tai Lung. They were admirable, even beautiful goals…but they were selfish all the same."
Now, finally, the snow leopard let himself fall to his knees in front of Shifu. Fighting the urge to tear at his fur, he instead buried his face in his paws and shook his head—slowly at first, then more violently, trying to dispel what had penetrated his understanding. But he couldn't…because even now, he recalled a snatch of barely remembered words, once spoken by Oogway, floating back to him out of the past: "Love is a gift, my boy, not a reward, and one that is granted freely, never earned. Do not focus on the ripeness of the summer peach, and forget to notice the spring blossoms. What you seek is often right before your eyes, if you but have the wisdom to see it."
The panda was speaking again, however. "There is nothing wrong with these desires, Tai Lung. They are normal, they are things all children wish of their parents, all people wish from one another. If you did not want them, there would be something wrong with you. It simply means that you could not be the Dragon Warrior, not until you sought it so as to aid others, not for its own sake and what it could bring you. That is why I did not speak up on your behalf. Because I knew the only way you could ever prove yourself worthy and change Oogway's mind was if you removed all selfish desires from your heart. And that would never be, because you would always love me and so seek my love and approval in turn. You could not be the Dragon Warrior, Tai Lung, because you loved me too much, and so could not let me go and place the welfare of others above me."
Lifting his head from his paws, the spotted feline stared at Shifu, wondering if his expression looked as ravaged as he felt…it was as if he'd been kicked in the abdomen and had the wind knocked out of him. At long last, he understood. How could he have been so blind, so misguided, so stupid? He had indeed lost sight of what it meant to be a hero…and everything, everything that had happened was his own damn fault. Guilt, shame, and anguish washed over him.
Yet Shifu didn't look angry, scornful, or contemptuous. In fact his expression was so tender and caring Tai Lung had to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn't imagining things. Very gently, he reached out and laid his tiny hand against the snow leopard's furry cheek. "Don't blame yourself, Tai Lung. It is my fault too. I'm the one who spoiled you, after all. And sent you very mixed signals, about our relationship as well as the scroll.
"But it's all right. You don't have to hate yourself anymore. Because you can still be a hero, and a great warrior, all while still loving me. Don't think about what you've lost, but what you've gained. You may not have a pure enough heart to be the Dragon Warrior, but I don't care about that. All I care about is that it was pure enough to still love an old fool like me."
Something seemed to seize up inside him—he realized it was his heart pressing against his chest—and then the feline lurched forward, giving in to instinct and impulse…his brawny arms encircling the aged panda with deceptive gentleness, even as he pressed him tightly to his chest, hugging him as close as he dared. As he did so, he could feel the sobs beginning, the tears welling up…and for the first time in his life, he didn't try to stop them, to sustain his masculine image.
He had a flash of himself as a cub in the training hall, the first time he had punched one of the Wooden Crocodiles too hard and at the wrong angle—breaking all of his knuckles and spraining his wrist in the bargain. He'd sat on the floor of the kwoon, nursing his injuries and on the verge of tears, when Shifu had appeared to reprimand him. It had not been harsh, but it had been firm as he told his son two fateful words: "Don't cry." Because men, especially those training to be kung fu fighters and Dragon Warriors, did not cry.
He had taken that imposition to heart—as he had told Po and Mantis during the acupuncture session, never once showing his emotions no matter how much pain and abuse he heaped upon himself during training.
But this time, just this once, he thought: To hell with what he taught me.
And as his body shook with the wracking spasms and the tears he wept poured unchecked down his cheeks, he whispered in Shifu's ear: "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Father…for everything…"
"I know," the panda whispered back, leaning against his heaving chest. "I know you are. That's why I forgive you, son."
The two of them didn't end that embrace, or move apart, for a very long time.
In the passageway which led from the Hall of Warriors toward the western wing of the palace, and from there to the bunkhouse of the Furious Five, a single figure stood in the shadows watching the tender reconciliation. From the way her shoulders heaved, her paws clenched, and her chest rose and fell, it would not have been possible to guess how she felt about what she saw—jealous or deeply moved, angry or awed.
Whatever her thoughts and emotions, Tigress only watched for a few moments more…and then, whether to give father and son their privacy or because she couldn't stand to witness it any longer, she fled for her dormitory room.
(A/N: Despite the length of this chapter, I have very little to say here—it speaks for itself. I hope you are all satisfied with the answers I came up with for how someone as peaceful and saintly as Oogway could allow what happened to Tai Lung [though you may note I still haven't explained everything yet] and why Shifu did not stand up for and defend the son he loved so much. Oogway's answer was in the end something of a no-brainer and fairly obvious...Shifu's, despite being seemingly as simple, took me forever to come up with. But when it did hit me, it was all in one brilliant flash that stunned even me.
Tai Lung's musical talent was a brainstorm I had after reading Luna's "Present"—I liked the idea of him having some artistic side but she'd already used drawing. And it gave me a perfect way to explain where Shifu got his flute, which in turn makes the fact he still has it and plays it after Tai Lung went to prison both meaningful and poignant. If anyone wonders, the tune he's playing is what I call 'Tai Lung's Theme', the tune which plays almost every time we see him in the movie, one of the most memorable being when he first appeared before Shifu for the final battle. It just seemed too fitting... Of course, just because the two have made up now doesn't mean everything is perfect and tranquil between them or that Tai will suddenly change his spots; like any family, they will always have their disagreements and even shouting matches, especially with the villain influencing at least one of them. And obviously it's still up in the air how Tigress will take all this. You'll just have to wait and see.
Lastly, we all know an author often revises or edits his or her work constantly, trying to make it better. But I did recently just add in an insight about Tai Lung and why he didn't accept Shifu's apology, one which I freely acknowledge as being the brain child of a Wild Mass Guessing over at TV Tropes. Diablejambe, if you see this, I salute you for seeing the obvious when I didn't. The reason I added this in, aside from it being so clearly true to Tai Lung's character, is that it makes the whole story even more sad and tragic. That Tai Lung had become so cynical and jaded by what he'd been through, he couldn't even believe that the thing he'd wanted all his life was real when it was finally offered to him...it really fits the drama quotient of my story, as well as Tai Lung's characterization and, IMO anyway, his actual canon characterization too. The same as the bit about his declaration of "It's nothing!" when he looked into the Dragon Scroll applying also to himself, which I added to Chapter 13. Just me acknowledging the wisdom of other viewers, as well as weaving it all together to make Tai Lung's choices and character arc make more sense. Anyway, R/R!)