I figure we're within the final ten chapters now. This is the last chapter of everything falling apart before we enter the final act and things come to a resolution. But will it be a happy one? You'll have to wait and find out :P Thank you enormously once again to everyone who has reviewed, read, favourited, followed so far.
Renee sat hunched in the corner of the deserted Divas locker room. The one women's match on the card was currently in progress (a six-person tag pitting Natalya, Paige and Brie against Summer, Sasha and Charlotte) and most of the other girls were either working the house show up in Edmonton or had been given time off. It was just about the only place in the building where she could be alone with her thoughts.
She'd agreed with everything Dean had said the other night. She should hate Sami, he didn't deserve any chance to apologise or explain himself. But it was impossible to apply logic when looking into those eyes again and seeing the love that remained in them; the regard and admiration they'd always carried for her still present in abundance.
Nonetheless, she'd done wrong. Dean had been so good to her; he'd saved her from herself, he'd given everything for her, and this was how she repaid him? Directly contradicting his advice? Turning into a simpering, lovelorn wreck at the sight of the very man whose carelessness and cowardice caused her to need saving in the first place? Dean had every right to be mad. He had every right to storm off.
Her stupidity was going to lead her to yet more loneliness and despair if she kept this up. She needed to give Sami the cold shoulder in spite of her instincts, she needed to find Dean and make it up to him. He'd leave her, and rightly so, if she couldn't commit herself to him like he deserved. She'd be alone again. It would be all her fault again. So why wasn't she moving? Why was she still touched beyond words by Sami's apology?
'Crocodile tears,' she kept repeating Dean's words to herself; if Sami was selfish and duplicitous enough to ditch her from a distance like he did with no prior warning, he was just as capable of feigning concern and apology. But Sami had sounded so genuine... she knew him, she knew when he was telling the truth.
Then again, she'd made so many bad decisions; she'd always chosen the path in life that left her alone and rejected. Maybe she didn't 'know' anything. That's why she needed Dean to teach her what was right and wrong. That was a pretty horrifying conclusion for a 29-year-old woman to arrive at, but all evidence of her past failures pointed toward it.
She'd been too busy ruminating to pay any attention to the television mounted on the far wall, showing the live feed from the arena. She looked up to find what even in her current state was a most satisfying visual; a replay of Natalya securing victory for her team by submitting Summer with the Sharpshooter. An important psychological victory three weeks ahead of their title showdown at Summerslam. Summer inevitably lay all the blame at the door of her BFFs, furiously and screechily berating them as the victors celebrated on the ramp.
Luckily, Renee wouldn't have to deal with the prospect of a sore, spiteful Summer trudging back to the locker room to vent yet more anger in her direction. Thanks to her Authority connections, Summer had ensured private quarters were found for the BFFs at each venue the WWE visited.
Then again, Natalya and Paige were no longer the most pleasant people to engage with either. Their ceaseless urging of caution and suspicion where Dean was concerned rankled with Renee each time they expressed it. She'd drifted apart from them since her return, no longer viewing them as the trusty, empathetic confidantes she used to. Only Dean really understood.
"...And that's only about half as tight as I can lock it when I really mean it," Natalya crowed to her partners as the walked through the door, for the moment to caught up in their rejoicing to notice Renee, who was sat between the last locker and the entrance to the showers, compressed to her smallest possible size.
"I hope you snap those breadsticks she calls legs clean in two," Paige put in, the prospect of her old enemy meeting a grisly end bringing her out in a devilish, relishing grin.
"That belt's gonna look so good on you, Nattie..." Brie smiled, placing her arm fondly on her friend's back.
"...I mean; pink, black and silver? It's like it was made for you... oh, hey, Renee!"
Instantly Paige and Natalya's faces fell, as if they'd been reminded of something very distressing. The atmosphere instantly turned fraught and frosty as they exchanged pained, earnest glances with one another before looking forthrightly back at Renee.
"Um... y'know, this wrist still doesn't feel right. I think I'm gonna have the trainer check it out," Brie blustered with a nervous laugh, sensing the awkwardness of the situation and taking the first opportunity to remove herself from it.
"Renee, we really need to talk to you," Natalya began in her most stern and motherly tone.
"Why, what's the problem?" Renee muttered distractedly, getting to her feet. If this was another finger-wagging session about Dean...
"What do you think the fucking problem is?" Paige thundered suddenly with her customary lack of social airs and graces.
"...Your boyfriend manipulating and humiliating you in front of the world is the problem. Fucking wake up, Renee! Please..."
Paige had gone from aggressively livid to tearfully desperate in the space of a few sentences. No one wore their heart on their sleeve quite like she did. Natalya rested her hand on the young Englishwoman's shoulder in pacification, determined not to let the situation escalate.
"What Paige is trying to say is... we can't sit back any longer and watch Dean Ambrose exploit you the way he does. We saw what happened when he caught you and Sami talking earlier, and we saw him screaming in your face and threatening to leave you afterwards. The cameras picked up everything."
Renee was barely fazed by that revelation. She was by now so used to her personal life being extremely, unrelentingly public that it was impossible to be angered or humiliated by it.
"We understand, Renee, we really do. You've been through an awful, awful few weeks, it's natural to lean on someone at a time like this, and it's natural to not be in your right mind and not see the reality of the situation... but Dean Ambrose is not the answer to your problems. He's trying to profit from your misery, not alleviate it. I didn't want to jump to conclusions before, but tonight confirmed it. It's emotional blackmail what he's doing to you."
So she'd be better off alone? She'd be better off spending the nights dissecting the many poor decisions she'd made in her life with nobody there to comfort her? Was Natalya out of her mind?
"You don't know Dean..." Renee replied tersely.
"...You weren't there that week in New York. He was so, so supportive. I was in complete meltdown, I really didn't know what I was going to do with my life, I didn't want to do anything with my life. At best I'd be unemployed without Dean, at worst I'd be dead without him. I can't believe you don't see that."
"That's what manipulation is. He was winning your trust to abuse it. For fuck's sake, Renee, you're smarter than this! Come on!" Paige thundered anxiously out of nowhere, now both crying and shouting.
"Paige, please..." Natalya cautioned, raising her hand. For a few seconds the only noise in the room was Paige's agitated, shallow breathing before Natalya continued.
"...Can't you see how much we care? You won't be alone without him, sweetie. We'll be here whenever you need us. We're your sisters."
If they were her sisters then why didn't they want her to be happy? They must have known there were ways Dean could be there for her that they never could. She could see their point of view, but that didn't mean she wanted to. Contemplating the idea she'd made the wrong choice again, the idea of facing this world alone at her lowest ebb was terrifying. She didn't want to feel scared, she didn't want to feel doubt. It was time to fight back.
"Well you weren't there when I got fired, were you? Imagine if I was at home by myself with no hope of returning, and only your four-word texts to keep my spirit up," she drawled, watching Natalya flare up with righteous indignation, just as Renee expected.
"I fought for your fucking job! Don't you dare say I don't care," the older woman fired back incredulously.
"Oh, here we go. The protective big sister act always goes out the window the second someone dares question you're not 100% in the right..." Renee smiled mockingly. Natalya clearly hadn't been expecting this. They'd never really argued, Renee wasn't normally a confrontational person. But then, she didn't normally have her life choices belittled in the most patronising way by her supposed closest friends.
"...Let's just think about who I'm taking relationship advice from. You don't know what romance is. You settled for the first guy that looked your way and gave up. You've settled for a man who uses you as a human shield, who takes credit for every single thing you accomplish, who would rather talk to fucking cats than you! And you're the one telling me I have no self-respect, that my man doesn't care about me?!"
"Renee, you know it's not that simple..." Natalya countered plaintively, her voice beginning to crack.
"They all laugh at you, you know, Nattie? They can all see it, but you can't. You're so convinced that you're the wise old sage of the Divas locker room that the idea that you could ever put a foot wrong yourself doesn't occur to you. I'm two years younger than you, Nattie, and you treat me like a fucking child. You know what, Summer was right, you're full of crap," at Renee's final words, her fellow Canadian burst into tears. Again, Renee was neither surprised nor moved.
"I just wanted to be there for you, I've done so much to help you. And you're going to talk to me like this?! You know what, you're right, you're old enough to clear up your own fucking messes. I don't know where that sweet, smart, sensible girl I met a year and a half ago has gone, and I don't care. I'll concentrate my efforts on helping someone less ungrateful and deluded!" sobbing rather a lot for someone who 'didn't care,' Natalya fled the room. Paige, however, remained rooted to the spot.
"Run along, little girl, I don't need your advice either..." Renee sneered.
"...barely out of school, zero idea on how to appropriately express emotions, no love life whatsoever as a result, a pathetic, blind loyalty to Sami... You're about the last person I should listen to."
"You're not gonna scare me away with insults, Renee..." Paige replied dryly.
"...I might not be the most emotionally balanced person but I know exactly what's making you act like this. You're scared of the truth, just like Sami. It's so much easier for you both to carry on these farces of relationships with Dean and JoJo than face up to the truth..."
"...You both have questions that only each other can answer. It's scary to find you need someone else in order to truly be yourself, but the more you run from it, the more problems you make for yourself. And I'm never gonna stop reminding you of that until you see. You're not getting rid of me that easily, love."
Paige slowly turned to leave, with one last knowing and convicted glance back at Renee.
"There's no such thing as fate and destiny, Paige, or if there is mine certainly isn't to be with the guy who ended a ten-month relationship with a thirty second phone call. You're the one that needs to wake up, love!" Renee called after her.
The door to the locker room shut and Renee was alone with her thoughts once again. She didn't need Paige or Natalya. They were fools, they were hypocrites. She only needed Dean. They didn't understand how much he'd given her, how much she owed him, how much she still had to repay him. She'd finally found someone who really cared and they were jealous. Yes, that was it. That had to be it.