Chapter twenty one

"Sit down Deanna, you're making me dizzy." Her mother grumbled trying

her hardest to avoid watching the pacing young woman and concentrate on

the book in her hands. It was futile and a moment later unable to take

the strain any longer she dropped the delicate book into her lap and

put her full focus upon her daughter, the silence heavy as she struggled

to find something to say that she would want to hear. "He's all right,

you know," she said unnecessarily.

Coming to a full stop in front of her mother Deanna studied her intently,

looking for the lie but not finding it. Deanna sighed audibly before

dropping, finally, into the armchair making it groan with the sudden,

rapid weight, "I know. It's just..."

Lwaxana Troi reached across and squeezed her fingers, forcing a half-

smile across her ageing features and instantly understanding what was

racing around the younger version of herself, in more ways than one. "I

know," she commiserated. "It's just wanting him back."

Deanna's eyes found hers as her surprise at the very honest and very

knowledgeable insight to her feelings come at such a relief that tears sprung to

her dark eyes. Seeing her mother sitting beside her seemingly waiting

alongside her, reminded Deanna of a similar scene many, many years ago.

So long ago that she could barely remember it. But she did remember the look

of anguish and pain upon her mother's face, and then, in a heartbeat,

everything fell into place .

"You had to do this with daddy, didn't you?" she asked, already knowing

what her answer would be.

But the older woman simply smiled even though it took a monstrous

effort to make the tiny smile genuine and hide the ache that pushed in

from a very long past distant memory, "Yes, darling, I did," she

squeezed her fingers tighter making Deanna inwardly wince. But Lwanxana

never dreamt of revealing how much it still hurt and unaware that she was

revealing a very private moment that was so rare to see.

Deanna spoke her apology, "I'm sorry to make you relive that again

because of me."

Tugging at her fingers suddenly needing the comfort of her daughter in

her arms, Lwaxana moved over as Deanna seated herself beside her, her

arms snaking around her mother's shoulders in a gesture that revealed a

child's love for its parent despite everything, even re-stepping in

their exact same footsteps.

Lwaxana drank in Deanna's affection and savoured the precious and rare

moment clinging onto it as though it were a lifeline. Even though

Deanna had a heart full of love for every being in the universe, when it

came to her - her own kin, it was very carefully reserved for

situations just like this one.

She knew why, and she understood why; Deanna didn't want to get hurt by

those who loved her most and Lwaxana took comfort in that. And pride.

Her child had seen a lot of hurt in her short life, especially when she

was smaller, and Lwaxana had made a supreme effort to get her through

those dark times and bring her up to remember the past with affection

rather than dwell on the wounds that would never heal, no matter how

hard she tried.

The pang of this duplicated scene brought tears to her own eyes and

taking a delicate sniff into the tiny lace hanky that she had tucked up

her sleeve Lwaxana pulled away hiding her face, valiantly trying to

hide the pain that she knew was etched upon her classic face. But she

didn't quite manage to achieve her aim as Deanna spoke.

"I'll finish whatever I have with Will, if it hurts you that much,

Mother." The revelation surprising Deanna as much as the woman opposite

her.

Lwaxana Troi's head snapped around, her watery eyes blazing with shock

as she stared closely into Deanna's face unable to truly believe what

she had just heard. Rapidly pushing herself to a stand and severing the

closeness that only seconds ago promised much more than an intimate

moment between a mother and her daughter, she rounded on her."Don't be

absurd, Little One," She laughed, the sound leaving her mouth in a much

higher pitch than normal revealing it's falseness. "As much as I wish

your relationship with William had never evolved to the level that it

did, nothing can ever be finished between you."

And then sense and determination come to the fore just when she needed

it most of all. Clenching her fists, she stared her down at her only child and Deanna

cowered back, reeling with the fury that poured from her mother's heart. "You

are going to sit here and wait for your Imzadi to come home, Deanna, and when he

does you are going to be there, with your arms and your heart wide

open, because, many years ago, on a night like this, your father went on

a mission against my wishes and I was livid with him. I never saw him

off and I never saw him come back."

Her voice broke,but she was determined to finish what she'd started.

Determined to make Deanna see the importance of not only the fragile

Imzadi union that had was so fresh and so deliciously new but what they're

future separated by death could do to them. They still had so much to

explore together and so much to learn, but maybe they didn't have enough time.

There was never enough time.

And then there was Will.

He needed the strength of their Imzadi bond to get him through this and

any other mission he would undoubtedly be involved in. He needed that

lifeline. He needed to know that Deanna was there waiting for him,

willing him to come home to be back with her, safe and sound.

Taking a deep breath, Lwaxana filled her words with power again, her

fury turning to a threat, a threat that she intended to make her keep.

"So don't you dare give up on Will now, do you hear me, child?"

Her words echoed around the room and around Deanna as she absorbed her

mother's extraordinary demand and timidly nodded her acquiescence,

Only then did the sense and determination vanish from Lwaxana's rigid body and

the tears that had only threatened minutes before raced down her cheeks

like a scalding torrent.

Deanna watched her mother exit the room as though the devil was on her

tail as her own silent promise became trapped in the draft that her long gown

created, I will wait, Mother. I promise, she vowed as her own tears

began falling for her mother's loss from a time like this so long ago.

Some were for herself, and some were for the man who was putting his life

on the line for her. And some were for her mother who was reliving her

own personal tragedy, a tragedy that she herself may have to suffer if

her own Imzadi didn't make it home.

God help him. God help them all.

Tbc...