a/n: seems a few have forgotten this little exchange in the chapter before,

"Elena's gone." I let her know.

"Gone?"

"Gone."

Elena is no longer a part of CG's life, so he wouldn't be going to her... Others knew who he went to see, or guessed correctly.

Anastasia

I don't believe for one minute that Christian chose work over staying with me because he canceled that business dinner just so we could have dinner alone together.

Everything was going great; we had dinner, we teased each other, and then we came back home and had sex. Tonight felt like we never broke up. I mean, he let me touch him, but that was what he wanted, and he was fine with it, so what scared him off? I didn't even get a chance to talk to him. I thought he would run after I told him I wanted more, not before.

He has been staying with us all week, I wonder if he will come back tonight when he is finished doing whatever it is he has to do.

Before I can think anymore of it, I put on one of his T-shirts and a pair of panties, climb into bed and drift to sleep. It's cold and lonely without Christian, I'm now use to sleeping next to him, but I finally fall asleep...

.

It's not Teddy that has me waking up hours later, it's noises in the main room.

I grab my robe and wrap it around my body as I make my way down the hall. I'm sure security has whatever it is under control, but I wont be able to sleep unless I know for sure.

When I reach the end of the hall, the apartment door is open, and with the help of the foyer light, I see Christian, stumbling, leaning too much and swaying as he walks inside the apartment, bumping into things.

"Christian?"

"Ana-stay-shea." He slurs my name.

"Have you been drinking?" It's a stupid question, he's obviously drunk.

"Just a little." He giggles, actually giggles, while he holds up his finger and his thumb to show a small amount.

He has obviously had a lot more than a little. But I know Christian, and drinking to excess or getting this shitfaced drunk, is not something he does.

"What's wrong?" I go to him, he is obviously going to need help.

"I haven't drank this much since... since... since I was a teenager." He laughs, ignoring my question.

"Ma'am." I look up, seeing Taylor standing in the entryway. "Do you need help?"

"No, thank you, Taylor, I'm just going to put him to bed and let him sleep it off."

He seems hesitant to leave, knowing the state Christian is in and that I may not be able to do this alone, but he nods and closes the apartment door. I hear the lock click so I know Taylor has secured our apartment.

"Come on, Christian." I lead him down the hall to my room. "Let's get you to bed."

"Mmmm," He moans, pushing his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply while leaning on me. "bed."

"To sleep, Christian." I can't help but giggle. The man is always thinking about fucking me.

"You are so fucking beautiful."

"Thanks."

We make it to my room, bumping into every inch of the hallway walls along the way, so I push him back onto the bed and begin taking his clothes off.

"Where did you go?" I ask because I really don't see him going to a club or a bar to drink. Maybe he went upstairs to his apartment, but then why did he come back down here.

"My brother's," He snickers, like he has a dirty secret. "He told me something. He told me. Do you want to know what he told me?"

"I want you to help me take your clothes off before you pass out." I complained at his deadweight. He's of no help.

But, I have a feeling, I am going to be told the secret he is wanting to get out.

Christian

FLASHBACK

I don't remember going down in the elevator, I don't remember getting into the SUV, I don't remember driving, I just know that I'm here.

Getting out, I go to the front door and knock.

It soon opens and a brunette in tears runs passed me. That's not the first time this has happened, seeing a brunette run while crying.

"What do you want?"

I turn around to face the angry blonde.

"I need to talk."

"Fuck off, Christian, go talk to your shrink."

He tries to slam the door in my face, but I put my hand up to stop it.

"Elliot, what the fuck is going on with you?"

"Nothing. I just don't want to talk to you, and I'm not going to drop everything and listen just because you want to talk or hang out."

"That isn't like you, you're not... You've changed. You're acting like-"

"Acting like who," He snaps, interrupting me. "Acting like you?"

"Well... Yeah, the old me."

"Please, Christian," He scuffs. "You haven't changed. You're still the same heartless asshole you've always been, caring about nobody but yourself. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of putting myself out there, only to get shit on."

"I'm not that guy anymore, Lelliot," I use the nickname I gave him when we were younger. "Talk to me. I don't want to lose you."

"Fuck off. I have work to do."

"You don't have shit to do." I say as I step inside his house.

"Yeah, well, how do you like it?"

"El, I know, I get it, I was a selfish bastard, but I'm trying to change. I know I fucked up, I'm still trying to earn Ana's forgiveness. But you are my brother. I love you. I look up to you. And I need you, now more than ever."

He stands still for a moment, thinking, and because deep down he is still Elliot, he finally allows me full access inside his house.

"I know I'm not one to be involved with personal shit, but the girl at the door?" I point with my thumb over my shoulder.

"Don't worry about her, she's a bitch."

"Oh?"

"Katherine Kavangh." He says by way of explanation, and he's right.. she is a bitch.

"El-" I begin to warn him of her but he interrupts me.

"I know. Mia told me all about her when she and I went to lunch with Ana awhile back and Kavanagh was there. I was a little surprised when she called me since she wants you, but I guess she was willing to settle for second best." He shrugs it off. "I don't know why she showed up here, wearing some sexy underwear. I guess she was trying to get me to change my mind."

"El, you are not second best, trust me. You're the perfect one. I'm the fuck up."

"You wouldn't call me perfect if you knew..."

"If I knew what?"

"Nothing. It's not important. What'd you come over for, and does it require alcohol, because I need a drink."

"Yeah," I breathe, running my fingers through my hair. "It most certainly requires alcohol."

He pours the amber liquid into two tumblers and brings the bottle with him, joining me on his sofa.

"So, what's going on with you?" He asks, handing me a glass.

"I just realized something tonight that I think I've probably always known." I take a deep breath before I admit it out loud for the first time."I'm... in love."

"Congratulations," He slaps me on my shoulder, a safe-zone. "I'll drink to that. You deserve it."

"That's just the thing, I don't."

"What do you mean?"

"I've hurt them enough already, Elliot, I can't do it again."

"How is loving them, hurting them?"

"Because they deserve better."

"That's both bullshit and deep. You want what's best for them, but you are what's best."

"I'm not, El. I'm fucked up. I hurt them, my past keeps coming back to bite me, I'll only continue to fuck up."

"Your past?" He asks confused. "Like with your birthmom?"

"Not that far back, though it is bothering."

"So what past? I don't understand."

"That's the thing, most people wouldn't. Mom and dad know part of it, but if they knew the full details, they would probably disown me."

"You and me both, brother." He chuckles.

"Please, Elliot, I'm being serious here."

"So am I."

I give him an 'I'm not buying it' look. He's only trying to make me feel better.

"How about I tell you my dark secret if you tell me yours?" He suggests.

"You don't have any dark secrets. Your closet-"

He laughs, inturrputing me about skeletons in his closet.

"Oh, Christian, man. That's the thing, I am in the closet."

It takes me a moment to realize what he said, because I think he is fucking with me, but when he doesn't laugh or yell 'gotcha', I know he is dead fucking serious.

"What?!"

He nods.

"I'm gay."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am." He admits in a no nonsense, all serious tone.

"But all those chicks..."

"Beards," He explains. "I never fucked them."

"I don't believe it. What about Gia?"

Gia was his high school sweetheart, everyone thought they would end up married, have babies, and be together forever. They were attached at the hips. Literally.

"I was dating her twin, Gio. Gia was covering for us."

That... makes sense. Gio was Elliot's best friend, or so we thought. They ended their friendship when he and Gia broke up. That would explain why Gia and Elliot still talk but Elliot wont talk to Gio anymore.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I thought if I did, you all wouldn't approve. Mia knows, she found out last year, but only because she caught me and my ex. ... That was embarrassing for all of us, but she accepted the way I am."

"You know mom and dad wouldn't care if you were. Look at me, you all thought I was gay and didn't turn your backs on me."

"I knew you weren't. I was just... testing the waters, so to speak. Sorry to use you like that, but I knew you weren't so no harm, no foul. And if mom and dad were okay with you being gay, then I thought they would be okay with me being gay."

"Then why didn't you say anything after you saw everyone was okay with it?"

"I don't know," He shrugs, "Maybe for the same reason you didn't say anything about that girl you got pregnant. I was ashamed."

"I wasn't ashamed, El, I was terrified."

"Still, you could've told me."

"Is that why you were so pissed and acting like... like me?"

"Yeah, I wanted to show you how it felt. It sucks ass, by the way, I don't know how you could avoid us for so long."

"So you were pissed that I didn't tell you about the girl I was secretly seeing and got pregnant. Then should I do the same, be pissed at you that you didn't tell me your secret all these years? Ana and I were only together for 6 months before she got pregnant, you were gay for how long? We all have things about us that we don't want anyone else to know, El, especially when those things will disappoint others."

"I get it, I do. But your secret effects us all. Mia and I have a nephew, mom and dad have a grandbaby that none of us knew anything about until the day he was born. And not because you didn't know, but because you kept him from us. We're his family too, we deserved to know about his existence. Hell, he's months old and I haven't even seen him yet."

"I know, believe me, I know. I'm trying to change, El. And I think I've come a long way, if I do say so myself, and you know how hard it is for me to praise myself, or accept an accomplishment that doesn't have to do with business. We'll have to organize a family barbeque or something."

"That'd be great."

With experimenting touch with Ana tonight, I try it out with Elliot. Reaching over, I give him a good, solid hug.

He's surprised at first, but then he really hugs me hard. An Elliot hug, the kind of hug he would give mom or Mia, or even dad. The kind of hug I've always wanted to share with my brother.

"So..." He pulls away, trying to act cool. "Why'd you come here?"

"I needed to talk to someone about the feelings I was experiencing. Don't get me wrong, sure, I could've talked to anyone, but I wanted my brother. I've missed you."

"I missed you, too. Sorry I was such an asshole, and for so long, I just wanted to show you how I felt, I guess. We cool?"

"Yeah, we're okay."

"So... What are you going to do about this? Are you going to tell her how you feel?"

"I don't know." I scrub my face and lean back. "I want to, but I should let her go."

"You lost her before." He reminds me, the pain of that resurfacing.

It's the one thing holding me back from leaving her again. I don't want to feel that again. I don't think I could cope. But I have to be strong enough for them. Strong enough to walk away. I was able to stay away for over 7 months, could I do it again, longer this time? Forever?

I know I should've stayed with Ana and told her what I was feeling, but I didn't want to fuck it up and I had to think things through.

At first I left her because I didn't want to be a father. Now I want that, and her happiness. But when she told me how she felt when I left her, throughout her whole pregnancy without me there, reminding me of the pain she went through because of me... if I leave her again, there would be no going back, she wouldn't let it happen. And I would do anything to not have her fell that way again, the way I made her feel the first time I left. I will never be able to make up for that, missing everything, how hurt and alone she felt, but I will never stop trying.

Everyone seems to think we can be happy together, and we are... but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be happy and I don't deserve her. She's too good for me.

If you love something, or someone, set them free... right?

"I want nothing but for her happiness."

"Then you should get your head out of your ass before you fuck up another chance with her." Elliot responds and it's now that I realize I said that out loud.

"It's more complicated than that. What if her happiness isn't with me."

"It is." He insists.

"Don't worry, Elliot, I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before. I'm just trying to decide how to let her go."

"How is that different than before? To me, it's the same mistake. You left her, and now you're trying to find a way to leave her again, but less hurtful?"

"Before, I left her for the wrong reasons. This would be me letting her go, for the right reasons. I'd still co-parent Teddy, but I'd let her go."

"I don't think leaving her is what you really want to do."

"It's not." I agree. "But I'd be doing it for her."

"Okay, I don't think you leaving her is what she wants either."

"Well, as long as she wants me, I'm here." But I really don't think I'm right for her.

"And if she wants you forever?"

I can't help the grin that spreads across my face at the thought of being with Anastasia forever. Can I leave her if being with me is what she wants, even though I don't deserve her? I'm so fucking selfish, I want her, I've always wanted her, but could she want me, too? Could she want more with me? Could I have her, keep her... forever?

"My vote is we get more booze and get drunk tonight, we've never really done that before. Then, first thing tomorrow, you tell Ana how you really feel."

"How about we go back to my place," I suggest. "I haven't been there is over a week and I have a shit ton of alcohol we could drink. You could crash in a guest room."

"And you'll tell Ana how you feel?"

"Yeah. As soon as I see her. Thanks, Elliot."

"No problem, bro. I'm glad we worked shit out."

"Me, too. I'm glad to have my brother back."

"I never really left, dude. Was just waiting for you to get your head out of your ass. Took you long enough."

"Shut up."

We laugh as we walk out to my SUV.

END OF FLASHBACK

Anastasia

"He told me something. He told me. He told me. Do you want to know what he told me?" He snickers.

Note to self; Self, don't tell Christian any secrets, he sings like a canary when he's drunk.

"I want you to help me take your clothes off before you pass out." I complained, trying to take his pants off.

"Mmm. I want you to take your clothes off so we can make love. Mmm. Love. That reminds me. Anastasia, I lo-"

"Christian," I stop him from saying something while drunk. "Sit up so I can take your shirt off."

I know he likes to sleep in his boxer briefs, so I'm trying to make him comfortable. He's going to have a killer head ache tomorrow.

"I'm trying to tell you something." He grouches at me while doing as I asked.

"I know. But I'd rather you say it, whatever it is, even though I have a feeling I know what it is, but I'd rather you say it while you are sober and mean it. Not while you've been drinking."

"I do mean it. I mean it more than I mean it."

"Christian, you're not making any sense."

"I'm trying to tell you-"

"Tell me tomorrow."

"I want you to know, now." He whines. "When I look into your future, I see my eyes."

He stops talking and looks confused, like he said it right but heard it wrong.

I think he's trying to be romantic, but he's too drunk and it makes me laugh.

"Okay, Romeo, let's get you into to bed." I pull back the blankets so I can get him under them.

"I'm trying to tell you something here, Ana."

"Trust me, Christian, I know."

"You know?! How do you know? Who told you?!"

"I don't know what you're trying to tell me, I just know you are trying to tell me something. And it's not hard to figure out what you're trying to say. You... love me."

"Do you love me?"

"I do." I admit, hoping it wont be an issue when he's sober or that he'll forget if it is.

"You do?" He grins, his super sexy smile.

"Yes." I say more confidently, "Now, get into bed so I can grab you some pain reliever and water, we'll talk more about it tomorrow."

He giggles again, and it's so weird to see. Christian giggling.

"Now, Christian." I say more sternly.

"You're so sexy when you're bossy," He runs his fingers through my hair as he tries to sit up, now distracted, again. "You'd make one helluva Domme, Anastasia. Mmmm. Let's do that."

"Do what?"

"I want you to do me a favor."

"Ummm. Okay?"

He leans up to whisper in my ear, and I am shocked to hear what he says. He has brought this up before, but not with this new add on.

"Christian?" I look at him when he's laying back down, but he has already passed out.

Before I lay down next to him, I check on Teddy who is still sleeping in his crib, grab a glass of water and some pain reliever for Christian to take in the morning, and then I lay down next to him in my bed and cuddle with my man.

Looks like I don't have to worry about asking him for more... but I do have something else to think about.

And then I start to overthink what he was trying to say. Was he just saying it because he's drunk, or does he really mean it? Does he really love me?

I guess I'll find out in the morning.

Kate-pov

Fuck them! Fuck Ana! Fuck Christian Grey! And fuck Elliot Grey! Fuck them all!

I deserve to be a Grey, not her! She's just a fucking nobody, until I made her a somebody! What the fuck does Christian Grey see in her any way?!

After that guy said I should help him kidnap Teddy or settle for second best, I remembered I had Elliot Grey's phone number and it didn't sound like such a bad idea. Ana could have Christian Grey and I could have Elliot. He's no Christian Grey, but he is a Grey, and if Ana and Christian ever broke up, I could be there for Christian. He would see that we belong together.

Well that all went to shit when Elliot turned me down. He didn't even get aroused when I took my dress off! What the fuck! I was wearing five hundred fucking dollar lingerie and my body is killer! Every girl wants to be me and every guy wants to fuck me! So why the fuck don't the Grey boys want me?! We could've had a damn threesome!

I need to get back at them, back at Ana for taking that interview and stealing Christian Grey from me. But how?

A slow evil grin appears on my face when I decide I am going to help that guy kidnap their baby.

I'll show them. They'll be sorry they ever fucked with Katherine Fucking Kavanagh!