Hello readers I know its been a while but the good news is school is out and I'm on summer vacation woooo and I somehow managed to pass my algebra final its a miracle! haha anyway enough about my life you guys are here for the story hope you enjoy the chapter^^

Chapter 21

"Sir, what is this?" Riza gave Roy a confused look at the leather bound journal he had left on her desk. Last night after Roy had found Riza passed out in the shower, and spoken to her about her declining health due to her constant nightmares among other problems. As well as Roy's realization that he loved her, but he hasn't told Riza that yet. After Roy left her home(more like forced to return so he could be well rested for work by Riza.) He had spent the rest of his evening thinking of ways that could help Riza. First starting with the nightmares. It was clear they just weren't going to go away with time. Riza had endured way to much suffering for it to just be forgotten.

So an idea came to Roy last night. He knew Riza wasn't really open to talking about it out loud yet, so Roy thought of a way for Riza to let out any feelings she had, but also keep them to herself if she didn't want to talk about it.

"Its a journal of sorts for you. You see I had an idea last night. I know that you don't really want to talk about many things, so here is way that you can vent about what has happened to you. Or anything for that matter." Roy observed Riza as she look over the empty journal trying to gauge her response to his idea. Riza turned her eyes from the journal to Roy. Then a smile came to her face.

"Thank you Sir, I don't know if it will do anything, but I'll try it." Roy grinned happily after last night Riza seemed a little more accepting of his help. She was still closed off to a point, but it was a start.

Despite passing out only just yesterday. Riza did her work business as usual as if nothing ever happened. That was one of the many things Roy admired about her even if she was hurting or suffering. She'd continue ahead head held high so no one would see her pain. It made things hard to help her with any problems she had though, because she would deny anything was wrong till it was clear something was. However ever since last night Roy began to notice things he didn't before in Riza.

It was as if he was just now noticing gestures and signals. That one could read to tell what Riza was feeling. Like right now she held a clipboard signing off on a few things, but she was giving him sidelong glances. Her eyes darting from him to the paperwork he should be starting now. Roy could practically hear her saying. 'Sir, those papers need done eventually, so you might as well do them now.'

Roy picked up his pen and signed off a few papers. Before looking back to Riza the glance she sent him looked approvingly at him. Riza gave him no more glances knowing he was going to get to work. She ran her hand through her hair tucking her bangs behind her ear. Roy noticed how long it has grown over time. The fair golden locks fell a little past her shoulders by now. It was long enough that Riza had to occasionally adjust her bangs so they wouldn't get in her eyes.

"Sir, what are you staring at?" Roy grinned Riza was giving him a confused look.

"Your hair."

"What about it Sir?" Riza's hand went to her hair subconsciously.

"Nothing it looks even prettier when its longer." A blush spread across Riza's face. Roy couldn't help but think how adorable it looked. He made a mental note to compliment her more.

"Um...thank you Sir." Riza quickly busied herself with work quickly regaining her composure of the ever calm collected Private Riza Hawkeye.

"Sir, those papers are due to General Grumman in two days. You really shouldn't put them off till last minute."

"Don't worry Hawkeye I'll do them tomorrow." Roy waved her off. He prefer calling her by her first name, but at the office he needed to stay in the habit of calling her by her rank or last name. It wouldn't due if people began to think they had a relationship. It would cause people to believe he was favoring Riza even if he did actually love her, and would favor her, or even worse people would think Riza did immoral things to get her position as his aide and bodyguard. After all it was highly unusual for a private to get such a position so early in their career.

"Sir, doing your paperwork an hour before it is due is a horrible work ethic." Riza scolded although there was a amused tone to her voice.

"Well, Hawkeye I see we have dilemma I want to procrastinate on my paper work a while longer. While you wish for me to complete my work on time even early at that. We seemed to have a difference of opinions on what we should do." Roy said smiling.

"It appears so Sir, however you really should complete your work on time. You may already be a General but it doesn't look very good for someone of your rank to rush through his work so you may procrastinate." Roy shrugged then went back to smiling at Riza.

"All right all right I'll get to work, but I want to ask you something."

"Yes Sir?"

"What's your favorite color?" Riza looked at Roy as if he was crazy.

"What Sir?" Roy continued to grin happily.

"What's your favorite color?" He stated again the goofy grin never leaving his face.

"What brought about this question?"

"I don't know I was just wondering, so I thought I might as well ask so Hawkeye what is it?"

"...Blue Sir, now if you don't mind these files need to get to General Grumman." Riza picked up a pile of finsihed papers Roy completed a while ago. She saluted before heading out the door to Grumman's office. Before she completely left though Roy could hear her voice calling over to him.

"Don't even think about slacking off Sir. I'll be back in a few minutes." Roy gave a soft smile before grabbing the first paper and began reading about the latest boring report that needed to be signed.

Riza walked briskfully down the halls down to Grumman office. Smiling slightly at her superior's antacts. It was hard not to he seemed to always know what to say to put a smile on Riza's face. Continuing her walk down the hall Riza's thoughts went back to yesterday. Just when Riza thought she was about to fall into a black pit again Roy had come along, and pull her out before she got in to deep. Roy tired so hard for her and Riza wasn't sure what to think about it. She wanted to believe him that there was hope for her, but there was always that cloud over Riza's head telling her it was worthless, she was worthless. The nightmares involing Roy didn't help things either.

However it seemed even if Riza told Roy to stop and give up on her he wouldn't, and for that Riza would always be grateful to the childish man. Riza wasn't just grateful though whenever she was around Roy it was as if she had purpose in life again. As a slave there was really no reason to move forward it was just work more work. Then maybe you'll get lucky and die in a somewhat painless way. Riza was begining to think that if she didn't have Roy she would fall into dispair. Just his aura around him made Riza feel so many feeling she didn't reconize.

Riza wasn't really one to know about feelings of the heart. So many years of slavery had robbed Riza of knowing any feelings other than sadness, angry, and pain. It made her very naive when it came to how she felt towards Roy. All she knew is that whenever Roy was near she got a feeling that Riza wasn't sure what it was yet.

Shaking her thoughts away Riza entered Grumman's office. The normal secretary that sat outside the main office was missing. Most likely off doing something for the General. Knocking on the door of the main office there was no sound coming from the room. Riza knocked again still no answer. Wondering briefly of the wisdom of going into a General office when they may be in there and just not answering her knocks. Riza cracked the door open checking to see if anyone was inside. Seeing no one within Riza crept inside careful as if General Grumman would jump out and be furious at the private entering his office. Files in hand Riza put them on the desk ready to leave, but something caught her eye.

A picture frame was flipped face down on the desk. Her curiosity getting the better of her Riza picked the framed picture off the desk. Riza did a double take printed on the black and white print was a woman that look like herself. Take away the scar on Riza's face and her hair growing a bit more, and Riza might have actually thought it was her. If she didn't already know that she'd never been near a camera let alone have her picture taken for most if not all of her life. Next to the woman was General Grumman looking even happier than Riza had seen the normally joyful old man. The woman too was smiling looking at the camera as the photo was taken.

"My daughter she was always a cute girl, and she grew up to be an amazing beautiful woman." Riza nearly dropped the photo. Grumman had entered the room without her noticing. Riza broke into a sharp stiff salut steeling herself for a berating or worse.

"General Sir! I apologize for looking at your photo I came to deliver reports from General Mustang and-" Grumman rose his hand silencing her. Grumman made his way over to his desk taking a seat holding out a hand for the photo Riza still held.

"Its all right Private Hawkeye you have done nothing wrong after all photos were made to be looked at." Grumman took the photo from Hawkeye holding it almost tenderly. He was quiet for a moment a silent invitation for Riza to ask about the photo.

"You said that was you daughter Sir? The old General smiled at the picture.

"Yes although I have not seen her in many years. Let's just say Private I used to be foolishly devoted to this country, and lost sight of things. Things I should have put before my career as an officer." Grumman looking mournfully now Riza spoke.

"Everyone loses their way sometime Sir." Speaking carefully in case Grumman did not wish her to speak.

"Yes, you are right Private and usually it takes either a big eye opener or a love one to send us back on the right path." Grumman said from his tone he spoke from experience.

"If I may ask Sir what happened?" The questioned slipped before Riza could stop herself to remember this was a General, and it was not her place to ask something so personal.

"Like I said Hawkeye I lost sight of what was important my daughter fell in love with an alchemist. A poor man who was actually rather brilliant when it came to alchemy. However me and my quest for power within the military blinded me. My daughter being with a poor alchemist that repeatedly refused to join the military's state alchemist program would make my image look bad, so I forbad her to see him." Grumman paused seemly to collect himself to continue.

"Of course she continued to see him, and eventually she got pregnant with his child. She came to me for help, I was furious though to furious to even listen to her. I wanted her to abort the child. My daughter refused she and the alchemist ran off together and eventually married. I later did hear news about them from a General we both know. Mustang was trained in my daughter's husband's flame alchemy shortly before he past away."

"What about your daughter sir? And the baby?" Hawkeye asked truly interested in Grumman's tale. As well as the General's purpose for telling her this.

"My daughter from what records told me died a few years before Mustang came to train under her husband. Her child however there is no death date recorded, and Mustang has told me when he trained and lived with him there was no sign that any child lived there. It seems that my grand child has simply disappeared." Grumman took his eyes from the photo he held for the first time since he began his tale. Eyes gazing into Riza's she felt a twinge of familiarity as if she as seen those eyes before.

"I do wish though I'll find out what became of my grandchild one day though." Grumman smiled softly at Hawkeye. Riza's eyes drifted away from Grumman to the photo still being held gently in his hand. Staring at the old photo Riza gazed at the woman who was Grumman's daughter. Riza felt the same twinge of familiarity looking at woman who looked so much like herself. Then it felt like someone unlocked a door in Riza's mind to a distant memory.

"Come on little Ri eat your carrots for daddy please." A deep slightly rough voice cooed to Riza. The voice let out a very heavy sigh.

"What's wrong Love?" A feminine voice almost melodious spoke.

"Little Riza here won't eat her food. She's a stubborn one she gets it from you." The other voice said a pouting like tone in his voice.

"Hahaha, Oh and you're not stubborn Oh Mr. Great Creator of Flame Alchemy Berthold Hawkeye. The woman laughed some more.

"Hehehe okay Amelia lets see you get our daughter to eat then go on."

Riza was reeling she forcefully shook the memory from her mind. 'What was that that can't be right! No, no, its just my mind playing tricks on me.' Riza tired to sooth her mind. ' The General just said his daughter's husband was the creator of flame alchemy. Can that really mean... NO! Its not right it can't be my mind is already jumbled up with everything going on. Its already giving me nightmares every night. This is just my mind trying to fool me with false memories.' Riza told herself trying to shake the soothing voices of the man and woman from her head. Riza has had flashbacks of past memories before, but they were normally more vivid and about something extremely painful the handlers did to her.

These distant voices couldn't be a memory Riza tired to rationalize. She has never had a flash back before where there were just voices. To further calm her racing mind Riza thought her carefully kept secret of wanting to know about her parents. This was just her mind's way of trying to give her something to cling to since the woman in the photo looked so much like Riza herself.

"Would you look at the time you should probably get back to General Mustang." Grumman broke Riza from her racing thoughts. Riza nodded almost numbly her body going on autopilot as she tired to sort out what was going through her head.

"Sir may I ask one last thing?" Grumman nodded smiling slightly.

"What was your daughter's name?" Putting the photo down Grumman spared it a glance before answering.

"Amelia, Amelia Grumman."

duh duh duuuuuuuuuuh haha okay hope you liked the chapter next one I'm writing up now I'm about a quarter of the way through it as always reviews are loved see ya next time^^