Author's note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourited, added this story to alerts etc. I so appreciate it!
A quick 'well done' to those of you who noticed in the previous chapter that Jake was not Leah's alpha yet (my apologies again for getting confused as to where the characters are at in terms of pack status!). So just to clarify, Jake should have told Edward in the previous chapter that Leah would happily do the honour of killing him, without mentioning that he is her alpha. Paul would not have come into it at all. I will go back and change this shortly.
About this chapter: I just wanted to say that I know that the Renesmee I portray in this chapter and the following one is more mentally advanced than in canon. The reasons being that I wanted Jacob's first experience and interaction with her to be interesting, and to reflect Renesmee's gift as well as her understanding of what he means to her. Given that we don't know what happens after Jake imprints, this is my own version, so this is my own imagination running free here! Nevertheless, I hope you still love this chapter!
Update on writing: So, I have finally finished writing 'Trust me'. It has ended up becoming 2 chapters longer than I intended, so I am hoping you guys are okay with that :P The epilogue will be split into two chapters (it's 40 A4 pages long!) but I hope you enjoy it, it's a little different :) So now as I promised, I will be updating twice a week from now until the story is complete. My updating days will be Tuesday and Saturday (as they were before).
Anyway, enough of my chatter, enjoy the chapter and please, please let me know what you think!
Reply to reviews:
Chris110: I know we've already spoken via PM, but just wanted to say again how much I appreciate your reviews and your enthusasism for my story! Thank you! Yes, I really wanted that chapter to be a 'what goes around comes around' type thing where the roles of Jake and Edward are reversed- it only seemed fair :P I am so glad you loved it so much! And I hope you enjoy this one too!
Samantha Kiely: Thank you so much for reviewing and your favouriting, author and story alert over the last week or so! Thanks so much! I sent you a PM about the end of your review- I hope your answers will be aptly satisfied in this chapter (crosses fingers). I think it's wonderful that when you read you try to get into the mind of the characters. And I am glad that you were terrified because it means my descriptions were detailed enough! So thank you for that valuable feedback. I hope you love this chapter!
Eruhin: I'm so glad it was one of your favourites! It's definitely one of mine :) I think you are totally right about Edward and his mind reading gift; it sometimes makes him short sighted, whereas Jake is able to see the bigger picture. And I am SO glad you agree with me re. the inevitability of Bella and Edward having a child, and that you understand their characters as I do. So glad you loved the hug, and also very happy that you liked the way I wrote Edward, I really wanted to make it as realistic as possible :) And the eyes are after all the 'windows into your soul' so I really used them as much as possible to convey how much pain Edward was in. Thank you for your amazing review. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Trust me
Chapter 20- My imprint Part 1
Jacob's POV
Bella's racing heart was a distant sound to me. Even though I knew it was a sure sign that Bella would be okay, not even something that miraculous could distract me from the strong pull I felt towards the little girl in front of me.
This is impossible, I told myself as I stared into the exact chocolate brown of Bella's eyes which were peaking at me from behind Rosalie's shoulder. Yet the intense love and devotion, the overwhelming sense of contentment and fulfillment, and the irresistible pull she had on me told me that this was not only possible, but very real.
"Oh my God," I whispered under my breath, as I fell to my knees; no longer able to support my weight under the amazing pull she had on me. It felt completely surreal.
To my surprise, Renesmee, who had been watching me, suddenly thrust her little arms in front of her, holding them out to me; she wanted me to hold her. I immediately leapt onto my feet and took two long, fast strides towards her, not wanting to waste any time in granting my imprint her wish.
The combination of my approach and the sound of Renesmee's anticipation, alerted Rosalie to what was happening. Immediately, the blonde vampire stood up to face me. I stopped in my tracks, my eyes focused on my imprint, who had swiveled in Rosalie's arms so she could continue to reach for me. Rosalie's eyes were wide in shock as she stared speechless between me and Renesmee.
Finally, she asked Renesmee: "What's wrong beautiful girl?" Immediately, Renesmee reached up and touched Rosalie's neck. I had no idea what she was doing, but it must've had some purpose because Rosalie was looking at me, deeply confused, her eyes narrowed in worry. She then looked down at her niece questioningly.
"You want Jacob to hold you?" she asked in disbelief. Renesmee nodded fervently, and I was shocked to realize that she could already support her head. I walked as close as I dared to Rosalie, my arms out stretched. Rosalie stared at my arms and then at my face.
"What is going on?" she hissed at me through her teeth. But I didn't answer her- to say 'I've imprinted on Renesmee' sounded so insignificant compared to how I actually felt. But Rosalie didn't need me to say anything; she worked it out on her own. I felt her scrutinize my face. After a long pause, Rosalie looked down to find Renesmee still struggling to reach me from her arms.
"I can't believe this," Rosalie whispered as she gently passed Renesmee to me.
I smiled, tears welling in my eyes as I saw the most beautiful creature in the world, reach out to me as if she knew me and wanted to be close to me as much as I wanted to be near her. The way her little fingers grasped at thin air as she impatiently waited for me to take her from her aunt, made me feel so connected to her.
The moment I had Renesmee in my arms, I couldn't take my eyes off her- no words can describe how beautiful and special she felt to me. Even though Rosalie stood right next to me the entire time, a keen eye on Renesmee's face, I hardly noticed her.
I held Renesmee to my chest and closed my eyes. She was so warm, just like me. We were similar- it was hard for me to understand the 'old' me who felt repulsed and hurt being compared with Bella's 'monster' of a child. Now, I couldn't imagine a better compliment. Normally humans felt slightly cold against my skin, but she felt perfect. I smelt her skin, and reveled in how her little head pressed against my chest and I knew she could hear my heart beat.
I opened my eyes and was shocked to discover that I was crying; tears were slowly falling down my face. But I didn't care; that moment was one of the best of my life, tears and all. Rosalie looked at me, almost alarmed, but I was grateful she stayed silent. Above me I could hear movement, and I could sense from the tone in Alice's voice that Bella had survived the ordeal Renesmee had put her through. For the first time in my life, I understood why Bella fought for her little girl.
"Thank you Bells," I whispered, my voice choked up with emotion as I gently kissed the top of Renesmee's head.
I felt Rosalie stiffen beside me, evidently shocked by how emotional I was. Renesmee, on the other hand, reacted to my kiss by turning around so she could see my face properly. Her large eyes grew larger when she saw I was upset. I smiled at her to show her I was more than okay, but this wasn't good enough for her. Renesmee urgently reached up for my neck, her little legs struggling in my arms to touch my skin, whimpering a little with the effort it took. I automatically leant down over her so she could reach me more easily.
I gasped when I saw scenes in my head that I had never seen before, yet they were ones I understood. She had reflected what just happened back at me. She didn't say anything, but I could sense what she wanted to know: Why you sad?
I let myself laugh, and in doing so, I ended up chuckling for a long time. Rosalie remained completely still and surprisingly, so did Renesmee; I think she must've felt I was going crazy because even at her very young age, she knew that people didn't laugh when they were crying. If only she knew how happy I was- the tears were ones of relief, and the feeling that life was going to be okay after all.
I wanted to tell her how happy I felt seeing her, my imprint, reaching out to me, the beginning of a friendship and hopefully a love I will cherish for the rest of my life. But I also wanted to tell her that the tears were of gratitude as I imagined what I would have missed out on if Bella listened to me and allowed Carlisle to terminate her pregnancy. The possibility that could have happened to Renesmee made me sick. I told Edward when Bella was still pregnant that this was just the way things were destined to be; Edward and Bella were supposed to have a child. I never dreamed that I would gain anything from something I considered at the time to be deadly and irresponsible. Now a small part of me was angry at myself for ever considering Renesmee to be a monster. I watched Renesmee, my eyes full of emotion, my heart filled with adoration as I realised that losing Renesmee would have been the greatest loss of my life. Never before had I appreciated life as much as I did then- things were so different, and I was eternally grateful to Bella for being strong enough to support and nourish Renesmee until she was ready to come into the world.
But of course, I couldn't tell Renesmee any of this, though it wouldn't have surprised me if she understood most of it; her mental age far exceeded her physical one.
"I'm not sad," I reassured my imprint. "I'm very happy," I corrected her, a huge grin on my face.
But this was not a good enough reason for Renesmee. Immediately she touched my neck again, and I felt a strong sense of confusion: Why you crying?
"Oh," I chuckled, quickly wiping away my tears of happiness "don't worry about that, Nessie," I insisted playfully. "I'm just really happy that after everything that has happened, I'm going to have a new, very special friend," I told her, tickling her tummy through the blanket that was wrapped around her.
Nessie's eyebrows narrowed in confusion, and then she reached up to touch me again.
Again she repeated back to me what I just said. It was weird seeing what I look like from her perspective. Now, however, her emphasis was on the word: "Nessie."
"Do you like it?" I asked her apprehensively; ready to continue calling her Renesmee if that's the name she preferred.
She nodded, her little face lit up. I gave her a huge grin.
"I'm glad; your full name is a little difficult to say," I laughed a little; I was so happy that everything was going so well.
Nessie then raised her right arm above her head, her pointer finger directed at my face. Then she slowly pressed her finger to my cheek and touched one of my tears. This simple action rendered me overwhelmed with emotion. I placed my hand on her tiny one, and held it to my face for a moment. I allowed myself to close my eyes for a second so I could fully appreciate the feel of her warm skin against my own. I then opened my eyes to see Renesmee watching me curiously. I let go of her hand, but she managed to hold it up there without my help.
I watched her face, captivated by every move she made and every expression she gave me as she stared into my eyes. Somehow I had the feeling she knew me as well as I knew her even though we had only just met.
When my tears eventually stopped falling, Nessie smiled more fully at me and squealed in delight when I tickled her under her chin.
Then unexpectedly, she slapped her hand to my neck again and suddenly I saw darkness.
"Woah!" I said, slightly alarmed, taking an unconscious step backwards. I heard Rosalie move beside me; I knew she was paying close attention to my reaction to whatever Nessie was showing me.
Once I recovered from the sudden darkness, I could hear muffled voices. Bella's was the easiest to recognize; she sounded cheerful and louder than any of the others. I heard a brief replay of Bella's voice from a conversation we had- one I remember very well and even more so now that I knew how the ordeal would end. The amount of love I sensed from Nessie as she remembered Bella say that I was a part of her family was huge. Clearly Renesmee agreed with Bella, and now I believed it too. But more than that, Nessie had a very powerful love for her mother, and I knew they would be very close.
I listened intently, no longer caring about the fact that I couldn't see, to the way Nessie perceived my reply. My muffled, bitter voice answered:
I will never be part of your family, Bella.
I had a feeling that when Nessie first heard these words, she wasn't old enough to fully understand them. But now that she was older, she used the perfect vampire memory she inherited from Edward, to remember and understand her family, and recognize their voices. Unfortunately, the way Nessie remembered me was very different to the way I now felt.
There was a silent question that followed this statement, and I could tell Renesmee was uncertain if the voice she connected with me was really mine. It pained me to acknowledge that I had said those words, especially when I knew Renesmee would be hurt by them.
"Yes, that was me," I told her, my voice low; I felt terribly guilty.
Although Nessie didn't speak, I felt an overwhelming sense of objection come from her as if she was upset that I would say such a thing. This was soon replaced with a warm pull in my heart and I knew Nessie was trying to tell me that I was a part of her family.
It took everything I had not to start crying when I felt how sad she was that I did not want to be a part of her mother's family.
Thankfully, Nessie removed her hand from my neck so I could see her again. Now it was her face that was sad, her little mouth pouting in a very 'Bella-like' expression.
"Nessie," I whispered, feeling beyond terrible. "I was very angry at the time, I didn't know what I was saying," I told her as convincingly as I could even though, at the time, I knew exactly what I was saying and I believed it.
But before I could continue explaining my actions, my vision went black once more and I heard my muffled voice again:
How about, 'Jacob, I get a kick out of your pain'.
I felt Nessie flinch in my arms- an echo of how her mother reacted to my words. I held Nessie tightly to me and rubbed her back to try to make her feel better. But I couldn't distract her, Nessie just became fidgety in my arms and patted my neck a couple of times, demanding my attention to how she felt about the memory. Still in darkness, I stopped rubbing her back and paid attention. She repeated what I said to Bella, and then took no time in forcing upon me a feeling that clearly meant: Mommy never wanted to hurt you.
My vision was returned to me, but Nessie's hand was still on my neck. She then showed me what she could see: my face watching hers; concerned and worried. A second later, Nessie stood up, her little feet on my arms as she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. The feeling I felt come from her almost broke my heart: Don't blame Mommy; I wanted you here.
I was grateful that Nessie didn't let go of my neck for a while, this gave me time to wipe away the tears that fell.
"Oh, Nessie," I whispered into her ear, trying to hide my sadness from her. "It's not your fault. I understand now; I know you and Mommy didn't mean to hurt me," I reassured her, rubbing her back again.
I felt Nessie's legs bend and knew she wanted to be cradled again. I held her in my arms like the baby she was, though already I could see she had grown and I'd only been with her for half an hour. But still, the little angel was not impressed by my answer, even though I was certain she understood what I said. I bent right over her so she could reach me without having to stand.
Again, darkness enveloped me. However, the voice I heard was not mine, but Edward's.
Go, Jacob. Get away from here.
Nessie knew the voice was her father's rather than mine, but it was as if she was trying to work out the relationship I had with her parents, by remembering the moments that meant something big to her such as when she, Nessie knew her father was able to hear her thoughts.
But the question she now aimed at me, however silently was the hardest to answer: Why weren't you happy to know my thoughts like Mommy and Daddy?
I struggled with a response for a while, but Nessie waited patiently, eventually removing her hand from my face so I could stand up straight and look at her properly.
"I was just worried," I finally told her, "you are so special, and we didn't know what you were going to be like. But you were totally worth the wait," I ended cheerfully as I rocked her gently in my arms. Nessie smiled happily, all of her teeth were showing, pearly white and beautiful. Apparently, Nessie understood that I was scared and worried before, but not anymore.
I couldn't take my eyes off Renesmee's as she fell to sleep looking up at me, her eye lids slowly closing second by second. When she had dozed off, I still couldn't stop looking at her. I knew there were several things I needed to do, but they were not important enough to take me away from the beautiful child in my arms.
"You've imprinted on her?" Rosalie asked in a whisper, disbelief and disgust saturating her tone. Her voice made me jump, though thankfully I was able to keep Nessie steady in my arms so as not to wake her.
"Yeah," I confirmed, ignoring her disapproving tone, though not quite able to keep the shock out of my own voice. Imprinting was supposed to be rare, yet I was the fifth in my pack to do so. To imprint on somebody so special and unique was something I never dreamed possible for me, yet the happiness I now felt was beyond describable- everything felt right.
"You had no idea?" Rosalie questioned. I knew she doubted my ignorance, but it was wholeheartedly true.
"Nup, I was planning to kill her until I saw her face, thank god you lifted her up," I whispered gratefully, hoping Nessie couldn't hear me speak about her like she was disposable.
I could tell Rosalie reveled in the idea that I was grateful to her, but when she moved around to stand in front of me, I could tell that she was not happy that I had imprinted on Renesmee, the little girl she was hoping to take care of and spoil until her parents were ready.
"Now she has two people that will watch over her?" I suggested a little sheepishly, not wanting to start a fight if Rosalie didn't want me around.
Rosalie stared at Nessie for a while before replying.
"She seems to like you," Rosalie acknowledged reluctantly, though in a hollow voice as if she couldn't understand why.
I smiled, looking down on Nessie who was still sleeping soundly in my arms.
"Yeah she does."
"What was she showing you?" Rosalie asked quietly, though it was clear she was curious.
"Did she remember anything about you?" I returned the question, realizing that I hadn't thought to ask her.
"I asked you first," Rosalie countered, staring at me with dark eyes- god she needed to hunt.
"She remembered my voice and some of the things I said. I think she felt…" I paused, smiling, "that I didn't want her."
"You didn't," Rosalie pointed out immediately- as if I needed reminding.
"I can't believe I ever felt that way," I pondered out loud, more to myself than to her.
"Well things are evidently different now with you and her," Rosalie said sarcastically, watching Nessie.
I nodded, ignoring her again; I didn't want to start a fight. "What did she remember about you?"
"What else? That I was always around Bella, looking after her, and making sure she had enough blood-" Rosalie halted in mid sentence; her eyes became unfocused.
"I think you better hunt," I told Rosalie warningly, holding Nessie away from her slightly.
Rosalie shook her head vigorously. "I need to wait until Carlisle and Esme return."
Even so, I held Nessie to the left of me so she was as far away from Rosalie as possible.
"As I was saying," Rosalie continued. "She was thanking me for looking after Bella; she knows I wanted her right from the beginning." Rosalie was glaring at me as if trying to show-off how right she was for supporting Bella when the rest of us, including me, opposed her choice.
"Thank you for being there for Bella," I muttered, not quite ready to admit that she was right and that I was in her and Bella's debt for the rest of my life for giving me such a wonderful gift.
"And…" Rosalie encouraged, a smirk appearing on her face.
I sighed. "And for helping Bella look after Nessie before she was born," I said sincerely, though I was a little irritated by the way Rosalie was handling my praise. Sure enough, she gave a broad smile that reminded me of Alice. I told Rosalie as much.
"Well, I'm happy," she said defensively as if being compared to her sister was an insult.
"Ha! So am I," and for the first time since the night Rosalie came to apologise for her behaviour when I was still at the Cullens after being bitten by Victoria, I felt Rosalie and I were on civil terms again.
"What are you going to do?" Rosalie asked, looking at me now as if she too sensed the complications that could arise from my very strong attachment to Renesmee. "The only reason why I am not causing a scene is because I hope Edward will," she laughed in anticipation of something amusing occurring. "Edward will go ballistic when he finds out."
I cringed; I feared he might, but was hoping Rosalie would convince me otherwise. Who was I kidding? This was Rosalie after all!
"I wouldn't be surprised if he already knew," I admitted, my attention momentarily focused upstairs. "I'm sure he can hear my thoughts from there."
"Probably," Rosalie allowed, not at all concerned. "And if he has, I will be more than happy to hold Renesmee while you battle it out with him," she added with an evil grin.
"I think Renesmee will be safer with me battling Edward, than with you if you don't drink something soon," I teased her, though of course I was very serious; her eyes were dangerously black.
Rosalie hissed at me, but I knew she wouldn't attack me- not with Renesmee in my arms.
When she composed herself, she told me that she does not find Renesmee's blood as inviting as a human's.
"But still inviting," I pressed on her; I wanted to remind her that Nessie's blood was still drinkable, as was mine. The mere fact that I was discussing the drinkability of my imprint's blood was disturbing, yet I was easily able to discuss it- Nessie's safety came first, my disgust could come later.
Nessie slept for the rest of the night. Rosalie constantly stayed at my side. She made a few attempts to take Nessie off me, but never succeeded because she didn't want to wake her niece. I had had a big day, and felt a little tired, but whenever my eyes began to droop, I would see the little girl in my arms and immediately feel alive again. It was as if she were my energy source. I will admit that it was also deeply satisfying to be able to stay up all night, which meant that Rosalie never had the opportunity to hold Nessie, even though I could tell she was dying to do so. After we ran out of small talk, I could tell Rosalie began to feel bored. Not me though; I just watched Renesmee's face as she dreamed. I wished Edward was around just so I knew what she was dreaming about; she looked so peaceful and happy.
I'd hoped that maybe Rosalie would eventually realize I wasn't going to give in and decide to occupy her time elsewhere, like with her husband. But no; she continued to hover around me in an aggravating way. Luckily for her, it wasn't long before I was forced to place Renesmee in her arms, for safety purposes.
It all started when I told Rosalie to stop pestering me; I wasn't going anywhere- and to do something useful instead, like hunt. She refused, but did take the opportunity to quickly search the house for Emmett, who I thought was in their bedroom upstairs with Jasper. I watched as she ran up stairs, giving me a moment's peace with my still sleeping Nessie. Much to my chagrin, she returned no more than two minutes later with a smug look on her face.
"What?" I asked her, knowing that something must have happened upstairs that I was not aware of.
"Nothing," she teased me, rising the 'ing' in tone to suggest that something was about to happen.
"You suck at lying," I pointed out to her, a little aggravated that she knew something I didn't.
"I am not trying to lie- if I were there would be no way for you to know any different," she told me seriously- bloody vampires and their ability to convince humans of anything. "So you're just trying to piss me off?" I barked quietly at her through my teeth, making sure Nessie stayed fast asleep.
"Pretty much," Rosalie replied indifferently, her attention now focused on a conversation that was happening upstairs. I watched her, trying to gauge her reaction. Eventually she smirked, and then turned to look at me, her arms held out.
"I suggest you give Renesmee to me," she said politely, but underneath her sweet tone was a threat as if to say I would regret it if I didn't obey. Hesitantly, I leaned towards the blonde vampire, allowing her to remove my imprint from my arms. I watched Nessie apprehensively hoping she wouldn't wake up. Thankfully she stayed fast asleep- only shifting position slightly when her aunt nestled her in her arms.
Before I had the opportunity to pester Rosalie for more information about what was happening, I heard a set of footsteps come down the stairs.
Edward.
Shit.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Edward's POV
Ever since I injected my venom into Bella's broken body, I had spent every moment in agonizing paranoia and fear that I had done something wrong, or that I had not done enough to ensure Bella's 'survival' after giving birth to our daughter. My wife was so still, it was hard to believe that her heart was beating so rapidly. Yet despite her racing pulse, I still could not be confident of my success- I needed more reassurance than a beating heart to know Bella would make a successful transition into vampire life. But Carlisle and Esme had yet to return from picking up supplies, and I was becoming desolate. Alice was able to see Bella clearly now, but still couldn't pin-point exactly when she would wake up. I could think of nothing else except Bella and what she was feeling in that moment. I felt she must be in extreme pain, but there was no way to tell. I knew that the vampire transition lasts roughly three days, so my anxiety was not likely to be completely alleviated until Bella woke up some agonizing 48 hours away. My mind was so preoccupied by the trauma that was my daughter's arrival into the world that I had hardly given much thought to Renesmee. I knew she was being well looked after, and at the moment, that's all that mattered to me; I would have plenty of time to be with her later. I saw Renesmee through Jasper, Alice and Emmett's eyes and knew that she was healthy, strong, fast growing and had a mental capacity that far exceeded her physical age.
I was resting my head in my hands, trying to push out of my mind various moments from the night before, such as when Bella's heart stopped beating, Jacob telling me that she was a dead corpse, the copious amounts of blood, the breaking of her spine, and Rosalie's pitch black eyes and bared teeth as she went to attack my dying wife.
"Edward," Alice interrupted my thoughts, making me a start. She gave me a small smile and knelt in front of me. "You need a break," she told me.
"I am fine, Alice," I insisted, and then knowing what she was about to suggest, I answered her unspoken request: "I am staying here with Bella."
Alice put her hands on her waist and tilted her head to the right, her lips pursed.
"Bella will be fine," she promised me for the one hundredth and thirty ninth time that day, as she gently reached out to rub my shoulder.
"You don't know that," I reminded her. "You can't see her as a vampire yet."
"Not yet, but I will," she told me with confidence. "You worry too much."
"She's my life," I hissed at my sister- of course I am worried, where would I be if Bella did not survive?
"I know, Edward, I love her too, but sitting here is not going to make her complete the transition any faster. I know my word is not as good as Carlisle's but you have done everything right."
I shook my head. "I am not going anywhere until Carlisle arrives home," I informed her firmly, hoping that she would leave me in peace.
"Not even to see your daughter?" Alice questioned me, and I could see in her mind that Renesmee had my hair colour, and Bella's chocolate brown eyes.
"I can see her through your mind," I said dismissively.
Do not get me wrong, I loved my daughter and looked forward to knowing her better, but my concern that she would not see me for a few days did not outweigh my worry for her mother.
"Come on," Emmett encouraged playfully, entering the room and clapping me on the back. "Seeing her through our minds doesn't do her justice. You must visit her; she's your daughter."
"I am sure she would like to meet you properly," Jasper contributed.
"I will have plenty of opportunities," I reminded my siblings, getting fed up with them trying to drag me away from Bella.
"We're not trying to distract you," Jasper said gently, apparently picking up on my annoyance. "But given it will be a while before Bella wakes, perhaps you should visit Renesmee? I am certain Bella would be horrified if you hadn't at least spoken to her."
He was probably right, and to support this, Alice was nodding frantically in response to Jasper's remark.
At that moment, Rosalie walked past the door. She didn't say anything, but I knew she had overheard because she said:
I would speak to the wolf if I were you.
I knew she was mainly saying this to force Jacob into a position where he would need to give Renesmee to Rosalie, but regardless, a talk with Jacob was definitely in order. Thankfully I had been too preoccupied with Bella's condition to fully focus on how Jacob felt about my daughter, otherwise I would have confronted him far sooner than this. In the end, I decided to give in to my family's wishes, one: so they would stop directing their thoughts at me, and two: so Alice would stop tugging my arm towards the door.
"Fine," I said calmly, snatching my arm out of her grasp, standing up and walking to the door, "I trust all of you to monitor Bella while I am downstairs. If there are any changes, tell me immediately," I made them promise.
"Of course," Alice said cheerfully, excited that I was finally going to meet Renesmee. I knew all of them would be listening intently from upstairs.
"Bella is completely safe in our hands," Jasper reassured me as he began to monitor any changes in Bella's mood which were at that time rigid and minimal.
The moment I mounted the top of the stairs, I forced myself to think about my daughter. I could smell her scent, and suddenly I was preoccupied by the dream she was having- it was full of colours and singing voices. I appeared quickly at Rosalie's side. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Jacob, but decided to hold my daughter first; I would deal with him later. My sister was expecting me and did not hesitate to put Renesmee in my arms before I had even requested it.
I stared into my daughter's face. Emmett was right; seeing Renesmee through my family's eyes did not do her justice at all. Her scent was the exact combination of mine and Bella's, her skin was beautifully coloured and she was simply perfect. I kissed the top of her head, as I watched different shades of purples, blues and reds dance in her mind on a black background. She did not seem to connect any meaning to them, only that they were pretty. But those colours immediately disappeared once I had put my lips to her skin- I had woken her.
But unlike normal children, she didn't cry upon being woken. Instead, she opened her eyes and looked up into my face. I smiled at her and said:
"I did not mean to wake you my beautiful girl," I sang to her. "You have your mother's eyes," I said lovingly, kissing her eyelashes gently.
In reply, Renesmee pointed at my head, her thought was clear: Same as mine.
"Well done, Renesmee," I praised my daughter. "We have the same hair colour."
My little girl nodded at me proudly, her eyes shining beautifully in the sunlight as she watched me. Her mind was amazing to listen to; her thoughts were far quicker and more alert than a human's even though she was only a day old. Even more astonishing was she already knew that, unlike the other members of my family, she did not need to touch my face to communicate with me. It amazed me just how much she understood whilst still in Bella's womb.
Where is Renesmee's thought began, and then she showed me an image of a very pale, sick and horrifying Bella, the only memory Renesmee had of her mother. I froze momentarily at the image of seeing Bella from her perspective- although my memory was perfect (as was hers from what I could gather), so I remembered how Bella appeared, it hurt me to think that Renesmee will also remember it for the rest of her life.
I smiled sadly at Renesmee and told her gently: "Mommy is resting, darling. But I hope you will be able to meet her properly in a couple of days."
My daughter's lips pouted in a very Bella-like fashion, clearly unhappy that she would have to wait before meeting Bella. I was delighted to see she had already formed a very strong attachment to Bella.
"I am sorry, Renesmee, but I promise you will see her as soon as possible," I tried to reassure her. An acceptance came over her mind as my daughter leant against me and wrapped her little hands tightly around my wrist, which was near her face because I was stroking her head.
Happy you've come to see me.
I chuckled, hardly believing that I felt this experience was matched by seeing my daughter through other people's eyes- there was no comparison.
"You are so special," whispered in her ear, as Renesmee nestled against my chest, my finger now tightly wrapped in her palm.
I had known for some time that Jacob was standing to one side in the room- apparently wanting to be invisible, even though he knew that was impossible when it came to me. I was happy to keep him waiting anxiously and I felt some delight in knowing he was watching my interaction with Renesmee. However, when I mentioned to my daughter that she will see Bella as soon as possible, I heard a very clear objection from Jacob's mind.
Not until Bella is ready, and by ready, he meant: 'until Bella is as controlled as Jasper'. This indicated to me exactly what I would be dealing with a very protective, stubborn, and persistent Jacob when it came to Renesmee. These were issues I did not want to have to consider- another complication to add to an already complex situation. I would need to speak with him.
Renesmee had begun reminding me of our interactions together: the first time she saw my face when she was only seconds old, to the first time I heard her thoughts which she associated with the first time I loved her. I was thankful that I kept my true feelings about her away from Bella, which meant that she never heard my thoughts; otherwise I would have to deal with a lifetime of guilt- my daughter always remembering that I didn't want her to begin with. I could have stayed with Renesmee for the rest of the day watching her thoughts and looking into her perfect face. She reminded me so much of Bella that seeing her gave me the hope I needed that Bella would make it through- that I had done the right thing; there was no way Bella could miss out on meeting our amazing daughter. Eventually, I reluctantly handed Renesmee back to Rosalie. My daughter frowned at me as I did so, but I knew she could see how much I wanted to stay with her.
"I am sorry, Darling. When your mommy is better, I promise to watch all of the memories you have of me. They are very special," I sang to her, touching the tip of her nose with my finger.
I wait. She told me with such certainty, that I could tell she would make me keep my promise, which of course I had no intention of breaking.
"Thank you for understanding, Renesmee," I said, kissing the top of her head. "I just need to talk to Jacob, and then I will go back upstairs to stay with Mommy until she wakes up," I explained to Renesmee, so she knew I was leaving her for important reasons. "But I will be with you whenever I can," I found myself promising her, even though minutes ago I did not feel the need to be with her, she was now so much a part of me- I was in love with her the moment I saw her.
She nodded her understanding and then turned to her right towards Jacob. I followed her gaze to find Jacob watching me apprehensively, his eyes torn between looking at me and Renesmee.
"Would it be okay with you if we speak upstairs?" I asked him courteously to keep up appearances for Renesmee.
He nodded, not daring to say a word in case his imprint sensed his fear.
As we were walking upstairs, I turned to see Renesmee waving at us. I waved back at her, feeling guilty for leaving her and for asking Jacob to do the same; she would miss both of us.
I led Jacob into my bedroom which was opposite Carlisle's office and closed the door behind us. It was the furthest room from the stairs, so it was less likely that we could be overheard by Renesmee, who I knew was curious as to why her father and friend were talking privately.
The moment I closed the door, Jacob felt trapped. He paced the room, his mind focusing on everything he wanted to say to me, what he would say if I tried to take Renesmee away from him or keep him away from her. He devised speech after speech, and then, realizing they weren't good enough, would push them aside and think of a new approach. After five minutes of planning, Jacob looked suddenly in my direction. When he saw my face, which appeared serious and unamused to him, Jacob pleaded:
"Say something."
I continued to watch him, wondering how to begin. The truth was that I was not at all happy with the fact that he had imprinted on my daughter, but knowing better than anyone who has not imprinted, I understood that Jacob's feelings were genuine and permanent; they would not disappear even if he wanted them too, which of course he was far from doing.
Finally, Jacob stopped pacing- his mind was determined to get me talking; the suspense was killing him and he wanted to be with Renesmee.
"Just get it over with- you know," he asserted, hoping that the worst would soon be over.
I watched him, amused; he treated his imprinting on my daughter as if it were a crime, which I suppose it was in my eyes, but certainly not in his.
"Yes, I know," I finally spoke, making evident my displeasure.
At this, Jacob's expression completely changed into one of fear, and his thoughts also became panicked.
"I- I had no control over this. I had no idea this would happen. I never would have dreamed in a million years that I would ever imprint, let alone on your child. I know you probably don't want me around, but I can't leave her. You- you can try to take her away from me," Jacob cringed at the idea, his heart sinking as he thought of how difficult it would be should I decide to make life torturous for him, "but you know I would follow her, wherever you take her. She is a part of me now; she is my world. My life is in your hands- I have to trust you with my life again. Please- please don't punish me for this," Jacob begged of me, emotional tears in his eyes. He was standing within arms reach of me now.
"Your relationship with Renesmee is far more complicated than simply moving away, or having my family form a boundary around our home," I told him seriously.
As I expected, my words panicked Jacob still further.
"It wouldn't matter if you moved across the world or hired multiple vampires to prevent me from entering this house; I will see her!" Jacob shouted. It took an immense amount of focus to push Jacob's thoughts to the side in order to hear what was happening downstairs.
Jacob not happy, Renesmee thought to herself as she struggled in Rosalie's arms, trying to communicate this to her aunt, the person who was able to help her find out why.
"Did you hear me?" Jacob yelled, his body shaking slightly, annoyed that I had apparently ignored him.
"Shh," I hissed at him, the majority of my attention was focused downstairs.
Jacob stopped immediately and guessed correctly that I was listening to Renesmee's thoughts.
She wants to come upstairs, Rosalie informed me unnecessarily for I could see how strong this desire was in my daughter's mind. However, I did not want Renesmee nearer to Bella than she had to be.
"No, we will come down," I told Rosalie, then turned towards Jacob who looked confused, his body trembling slightly.
"What's happening?" he demanded, his focus immediately going to Renesmee. "Is Nessie in trouble?" I decided to ignore Jacob's nickname for my daughter, in favour of explaining myself as I ushered him out of my room and towards the staircase.
"She is fine. Renesmee wants to know what we are doing; she heard you yelling," I informed Jacob as I followed him down the stairs. Jacob halted on the staircase. He spun around, upset that Renesmee had heard him yelling at me about her.
You better come up with a good explanation, he threatened me. But the moment we reached the bottom of the stairs, to find Rosalie and Renesmee waiting for us, the latter's eyes wide as she stared between myself and Jacob, Jacob almost collapsed with guilt; it was evident that Renesmee was worried, and he did not mean to upset her.
Renesmee reached out to Jacob, who gently lifted her from Rosalie's arms. Renesmee smacked her hand against Jacob's neck, not that it phased him, and replayed what she heard from moments ago. Thankfully she could not hear exactly what Jacob had said, but she knew his tone was that of anger. She wanted to know why Jacob was angry.
Jacob held Renesmee out in front of her, so they could see eye to eye.
"I'm a little angry, but it's okay. I promise I will sort it out," Jacob reassured her, his arms shaking slightly as he held her. No matter what it takes, he comforted himself, trying his best not to let his emotions show; it would only make Renesmee worry even more.
His trembling remained unnoticed by Renesmee, but her aunt looked at me, concerned.
Should I take Renesmee from him? She asked me, not certain why exactly Jacob was shaking.
I shook my head at her; it would not be a good idea to take her away so quickly.
"Renesmee," I spoke to my daughter as she watched me from Jacob's still unsteady hands. "Jacob and I were having a discussion. Sometimes people can get mad when they do not agree with the other person."
Renesmee then reached up to touch Jacob's neck again. She tried to ask Jacob whether he dislikes me because I made him yell. However, Renesmee had difficulty portraying her question to Jacob.
"I was yelling at your daddy, yes," Jacob answered hesitantly, not sure if he was answering her question. He received that message pretty quickly when Renesmee patted his neck impatiently and tried to convey her question another way. I decided to assist her.
"Renesmee wants to know if you dislike me because I made you angry," I translated, speaking in a neutral tone, which is what I normally do when repeating someone's thoughts out loud.
Jacob didn't quite know how to answer her. No, he didn't dislike me; his feelings for Renesmee prevented him from disliking me, for her sake. Of course, this was difficult to explain, even for someone as mentally advanced as Renesmee. Instead, Jacob hugged Renesmee to him and whispered in her ear: "Your daddy and I don't agree on some things, but that doesn't mean we don't like each other."
Rosalie stared at me, visibly shocked at the lengths Jacob was going to protect Renesmee from hurt, but also protecting my reputation in my daughter's eyes. It was clear to Rosalie that at that moment, Jacob would like nothing better than to hate me for perceiving his relationship with Renesmee to be a hindrance, rather than what it should be: a gift.
Renesmee peeked over Jacob's shoulder and staring into my eyes asked:
Finished?
I gave her a little smile. "We are almost finished."
This will never be over! Jacob informed me- despite having Renesmee in his arms, this was not enough to calm him; in fact, it only reminded him of the relationship he was fighting for which made him want to fight harder than before. I suppressed a sigh as I reached out to run a finger through my daughter's bronze ringlets.
"Would it be alright if you stay with Aunt Rosalie while Jacob and I finish talking?"
She nodded and although she was a little worried about Jacob, she felt a little better seeing my reassuring face and Jacob's indirect way of saying that he didn't dislike me.
"Thank you," I said, kissing her forehead, before she turned around and reached out to Rosalie. Jacob had no choice but to let her go.
"See you soon, Nessie." Jacob tried to sound cheerful as he said goodbye, but before Renesmee could pick up on his sadness, Jacob was already halfway up the stairs, eager to keep his painful emotions away from his imprint.
On the way to my bedroom, Alice met me at the door to Carlisle's office- the door had been closed to reduce the chance of Renesmee or Jacob's scents from entering should Bella wake up before we expected. Alice was annoyed with me, though forced herself not to say anything out loud incase Jacob overheard.
You aren't honestly going to keep him away from Renesmee are you? She demanded. It amused me that she was standing up for Jacob.
I smiled at her, and shook my head.
Alice humphed and crossed her arms, but it wasn't her thoughts, but Jasper's that responded.
Please do not let this continue for too much longer, Edward, he requested and I could see that Jacob's distress was bothering him.
"Sorry, Jasper," I apologized to my brother as I continued towards my bedroom. When I entered and closed the door behind me, I found Jacob pacing again, except now he was wondering not what to say, but how he was going to afford to travel half way across the world should I decide to move my family overseas.
I decided to continue our conversation from where we were last.
"As I was saying-"
"How can you do this to her?" Jacob demanded, keeping his voice low, but the force of air being pushed through his teeth made it evident that he was furious. "What kind of father would-"
"Stop," I ordered of Jacob, taking a step closer to him now. Having seen the end of his thought, I wanted to stop him from continuing before I was the one yelling.
I will not allow you to hurt her! He screamed at me, his thoughts piercing my mind.
I tried to keep my reply calm and even, but I had difficulty.
"I have no intention of hurting my daughter," I growled at him.
Jacob found this statement preposterous. His breathing hitched as he wondered how I could lack so much insight into the consequences of my actions.
You will hurt Renesmee if you don't let me see her! Jacob eventually managed to say after struggling to form a clear message. I stared into his face, and saw his eyes sparkling with tears. He didn't care if they fell.
"Jacob," I said more gently now, as I reached over to place a hand on his shoulder. He monitored my approach and when he was certain I was trying to comfort him, Jacob pushed my hand away, an angry sob escaping his lips.
I feared I had pushed him too far; my action only confirmed his fear that I was truly asking him to leave, which of course, was not my intention; I simply wanted to release some of my displeasure.
Jacob was staring at me now, his confusion evident on his face.
Just stop messing around with me and get to the point, Jacob demanded. The poor boy felt he couldn't handle the suspense any longer.
"This is a complicated situation," I told him seriously, trying to emphasise to him that this is my point and the reason why I had not previously been clear in my speech, though of course, that was intentional.
Won't be so complicated if you move away will it? He fired back at me, his breathing quick and heavy, his fists clenched at his sides even though he was feeling more fear than anger. Nevertheless, his body started quivering again. Yes, I had pushed him further than I planned.
"Jacob, calm down- please listen to me."
"Why should I?" Jacob ejaculated forcefully through his teeth, Renesmee's feelings being the only thing that was preventing him from screaming at the top of his lungs. "You know better than anyone that this isn't my fault- why are you punishing me for this?" he almost begged of me. It was only then that I realised that even though Jacob feared what my reaction would be, he never thought I would be so cruel as to tear him away from my daughter, no matter how angry I was.
"I do not mean to punish you," I told him truthfully. "But I know I have. Perhaps it would have been simpler to tell you what I want you to know…" I paused to see how Jacob would react to my words, but he was silent except for his loud breathing as he tried to control his frustration.
"I am not happy about this, and I believe Bella will feel similarly- though I suppose I could be wrong." Jacob was latching on to my every word as I continued. "As you said, I know better than any individual who is not a wolf themselves, what it means to imprint on someone. I understand that this was out of your control, and I have always known that it would be foolish to stop you from seeing Renesmee."
Jacob stared at me for a full minute before he breathed again.
Everything I said before… there was no point in me saying it! You never intended on taking her away from me! Jacob accused me; he believed I wanted to make him vulnerable- make him suffer.
I decided to ignore the suffering, because as harsh as it sounds, I wanted him to suffer… just a little. The disappointment I first felt was paramount; we would have to consider him in everything we did- Renesmee wasn't just tied to me and Bella, she was now a part of Jacob too- he needed her as much as we did.
"No, I am glad you told me," I corrected Jacob. "Although I knew how you would feel, it was important for me to hear you speak of the connection I know you have with her. Having said this, there has to be some boundaries put into place."
Jacob looked at me cautiously. He was willing to agree to anything as long as he was permitted to visit my family's home, but at the same time, he wanted to know what he was getting himself in to first.
"Firstly, you need to share Renesmee with Rosalie." I was expecting Jacob to object, but he remained silent; he wanted to hear all of my conditions before answering me. "When I say share, that includes holding and feeding times, even when Renesmee is sleeping. When one of you is holding her, the other gets to feed. I expect you to be fair. Rosalie can hear me, so she knows my conditions too," I added, to which Jacob gave a satisfied nod.
"Secondly, until Bella has woken, my own wishes, and Carlisle's, when he returns, will come first. This means that when I or my father says you do something with regard to Renesmee, you do it without hesitation. When Bella is able to withstand Renesmee's scent, she will also be obeyed by you even if you disagree. If you wish to try something new with Renesmee, perhaps a game or food, you must tell a member of my family where you are and what you plan to do. And finally, I hardly feel it needs to be said, but just for the sake of completion, whenever you are with Renesmee, we must know where you are at all times." I felt like a father telling my daughter's first date the rules and in a way, I suppose I was. I disliked the idea that my daughter was a day old and I was already having this conversation.
"I will do my best to obey by the rules," Jacob said liberally, hoping to show me how much he wanted to make this arrangement work with my family. "But I was hoping to make a request."
I searched his mind. He presented to me his plan: an image of himself standing in front of a red-eyed Bella.
"I heard you telling Renesmee that Bella will see her as soon as possible. From what I know about new vampires, which is quite a bit given what happened last year," he added, "their thirst for blood is strong. I do not want Bella to meet Renesmee until she is definitely ready."
"There is no way of measuring her readiness, Jacob," I explained patiently. "We do not know what Bella will be like as a vampire; her situation is unusual compared to most other newborns. Nevertheless, I promise to monitor her closely- Jasper has already agreed to do so seeing as he will be the most able to pre-empt any attempts she may make to attack-"
"Don't say it," Jacob interrupted rapidly, not able to conceive the idea that Renesmee's life will be in danger simply for having Bella as her mother- how the tables have turned.
"We will be highly vigilant," I promised him.
"That's not enough. I do not want Nessie to be Bella's first test." Then Jacob clearly outlined his plan to me. "When Bella feels ready, I want to be her first test," he told me with confidence- fear for his own life hardly measured up to the thought of losing his imprint. "If Bella can stand right next to me and not attack," Jacob continued, feeling quite confident that Bella would not succeed her first time round, but nevertheless was willing to risk his life, "then she can see Renesmee," Jacob bargained with me.
"I feel your request is a reasonable one," I admitted, "however, I do not like keeping our daughter away from Bella any longer than necessary. If she passes your test, there is to be no further objection to her seeing Renesmee." Jacob nodded, though the idea still made him sick. Although Bella was still his best friend, the vampire Bella was a far more dangerous one- one that he knew so little about, one he couldn't trust just yet.
"One last thing," Jacob began, a sense of purpose in his voice and I could see in his mind not only his request, but his understanding that what he wished to ask would be hardest for me to agree to. "Please do not tell Bella what has happened. I promise to tell her after she is able to cope with my scent, but before she sees Renesmee, so if she attacks me we'll know it was because of her thirst and not because I have imprinted on her daughter."
I chuckled to myself. I had the feeling that an attack in both situations was equally likely; Bella was far closer and more connected to Renesmee than I was.
"You know I do not like keeping secrets from Bella- it will be hard enough as it is-"
"I know, but I know what I want to say to her."
Jacob then briefly outlined what he would say. I listened to his thoughts with interest, and begrudgingly found his argument to be a strong one; it was clear now that it was Renesmee, not Bella who was so pleased to see Jacob throughout the pregnancy.
"If you wish," I allowed. Jacob exhaled, relieved that I was being so flexible, and rather proud of himself that he had worked out ways of protecting Renesmee as best he could.
"Thanks," Jacob breathed with relief as he headed towards the door.
"I am not quite finished," I asserted, moving in front of Jacob so he was forced to stop proceeding.
Jacob looked into my face somewhat hesitantly, unsure whether he wanted to know what else I wished to say.
"We do not need Alice to tell us that we will have many more discussions in the future about Renesmee," I told him. Both of us heard Alice giggling from Carlisle's study. Jacob shook his head and rolled his eyes in her general direction, then turned back to me.
I'll bet.
"When they arise, we will do our best to deal with them in a fair way. I want you to know, Jacob, that no matter what I say or how angry I may become, I will never take Renesmee away from you. She is a part of you and you are not complete without her in your life, and I imagine that one day, she will feel that way about you. I will not deprive my daughter of the possibility of such happiness."
Jacob's jaw dropped slightly as he stared at me.
"While I will admit that kicking you out of the picture will likely be tempting at times, I know that by doing so, I would destroy both of you. Renesmee has already developed a strong bond with you- I will not be the one responsible for breaking it. It is for these reasons that your life will always be safe with me."
My reference back to Jacob's assertion that Renesmee was his life made this entire situation very real to him. While he had always known the reality himself, to hear someone acknowledge that he cannot live without Renesmee, allowed him to feel that people were accepting his feelings and his reality. He then thought of his family- his pack, and wondered with apprehension what they would think. Now that my family had been informed, which he thought would be hard enough he now had to face his father.
"When do you plan on informing your family?" I asked him seriously, as I began predicting the potentially dangerous consequences Jacob's imprinting could have on my family.
Jacob sensed the tension in my voice and endeavored to ease my fears immediately.
"I will need to speak with them soon, because my imprinting on Nessie changes everything-"
"On what level?" I asked him, wanting specifics.
"Although I am no longer connected to Sam's pack, for moral reasons, the pack is not allowed to harm the object of another's imprinting. It is our absolute law; to kill a fellow brother's imprint would cause the entire pack unspeakable pain due to the connection we share. Out of respect for me and to prevent eternal hurt and guilt, I know Sam and the others will not harm Renesmee."
"I must say I am relieved."
Jacob smiled, feeling rather proud that his imprinting creates the sole protection Renesmee needs from his pack.
"Me too… Seth and Leah are probably wondering where I am," Jacob said, more to himself than to me, feeling guilty for leaving them to monitor the boundaries on their own for so long. "I will speak with them quickly, and then run to La Push. I will be back tomorrow morning at the latest," he informed me, not wanting to be away from Renesmee any longer than he needed to be.
I nodded. "I hope Carlisle and Esme will arrive home tomorrow too; Bella will be awake within the next couple of days."
"I'll be quick," Jacob promised me.
I have no doubt of that, I said to myself- already Jacob was envisaging the pain he would feel being away from Renesmee for an hour, let alone a whole day.
"Good luck, Jacob," I said. "I hope they do not give you a difficult time," I muttered gently.
Jacob chuckled. "Yeah, me too."
After giving a quick explanation to Renesmee outlining where he was going, and giving her a hug goodbye, Jacob ran out the door and into the forest. I heard Leah and Seth growl in greeting when they felt the presence of their leader. I forced myself to focus on the minds of my siblings and my daughter, who was bouncing up and down on Rosalie's lap, her way of trying to cheer Renesmee up after she shed a few tears when saying goodbye to Jacob, to give the wolves some privacy.
Now that my talk with Jacob was over, I entered Carlisle's office to find my Bella lying as a still a statue on the bed, my siblings turning to look at me as I approached them. Jacob and Renesmee were wonderful distractions from my main concern. It had been so easy to say: 'When Bella wakes up', but whenever I watched her, the doubt, the pain, the fear that she would never come back to me would flood my mind again. I resumed my position next to Bella's bed, and lightly touched her hand.
I wish you were here, Love.
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Author's note: So I hope you all loved the chapter! What did you think of my version? I always wondered whether Edward and Jacob ever had a talk about it- obviously as we were reading from Bella's perspective, we never got to see. I also wanted to know what Rosalie would have said when she found out. So I hope this chapter has given you one plausible way it could have happened! So please, please review and let me know what you think! I always love hearing from you guys.
The next chapter is part two of this one. It is one of the longest in my story (about 6 A4 pages longer than this one) and I will post it up on Saturday. I hope you enjoy it because part 2 is tied first my favourite chapter with 'Dead man walking' :) Until then, stay safe and happy reading!
Please remember to review! ;)