I know I'm young, but so far, my life has been such that – compared to kids my age – I have gone through an exceptional variety of hurt and pain. Now, I'm not some sissy feeling sorry for myself. Life is though and I have made it even tougher for myself. There is something inside of me that draws me in. If there is a way to get in trouble, and to experience something both terrible and thrilling, I'm right there, first in line. It's gonna hurt? Fine. I'm gonna hate it? Very well. Throw it at me.

But this. This kind of pain. That's a motherfucker. It hurts somewhere so deep in me that I didn't even know there was something so deep in me. And that pain doesn't show any intentions of stopping. You can't replace it by hate. You can't lessen it by giving into the sadness. It's like an open, raw wound, bleeding and gaping open and never healing.

And all that because of a god-damned girl?!

How the hell did I fall so hard for her? How did it happen, how didn't I even notice it? Have I gone stupid? I must have, 'cause I didn't even realize she's here for a limited period of time, and also, I didn't even notice that she's one lying bitch. Ok, she didn't straight out lie to my face, but she omitted some crucial facts, and that counts just the same. I mean, she knew she would leave. She was aware the entire time. And she let me just fall for her like a stone to the bottom of a lake.

When school starts, I seriously consider dropping out or changing schools – I don't think I can handle seeing her on daily basis. But that just a thought that lasts for a few seconds, and then I remember she's on my turf, and I sure as hell am not retreating even one god-damned step.

So I go back to school, and when I see her for the first time after a few days in maths class, it feels like I'm being kicked in the balls all over again. She's so damn pretty, even with her eyes all puffed and red from crying. I instantly feel a pang in my heart, as if I am sorry for her, but I push myself to look away and breath through the discomfort I'm experiencing. I feel her eyes linger at my face, and soon enough, she sits next to me, and I want to shiver as her soft perfume hits my nose. The class starts, and after a few minutes, I feel her nudging my arm and trying to give me a note. I react before I can actually think it through: I stand up and ask Mr. Roberts if either I or the girl could change seats because she keeps on bothering me and I can't pay attention to class. Mr. Roberts looks at me in surprise, partly because of my request, partly because I never spoke to him, and then he just nods and asks Sonja to take the only other empty seat in class, the one in the front row. Sonja is red in the face with embarrassment as she stands up and everybody stares and snickers at her, and I discover that this made me feel a bit better.

I like feeling better.

At recess, she has the guts to sit at my table when I enter into the canteen. She looks at me with determination on her face as I sit at the table. She starts talking, but I don't listen. I just take her orange juice and look her right in the eyes as I spill it over her dress. She jumps up and yells at me and leaves. And again, I feel a bit better.

I do like feeling better.

I wonder what else I could do in order to feel better.

Ha. Ha. Ha! Hahahah.

…

Jack is being such an asshole. I texted him, I called him, I wrote him a letter, I tried to talk to him. First, he ignored me, and then he humiliated me in front of the entire school - twice!

And all because he wasn't thinking. Like, seriously-I was talking to him about my home country all the time. He knows I'm not American. I thought it was fairly obvious that I'm not here to stay. And anyway, what if I did stay - did he intend to marry me or something? I mean, I surely like him, but he is my first boyfriend and I am his first girlfriend, and chances are, it won't last forever, right?

On the other hand, me going back home is not something I like to think about too much. I like the independence I have here, I like earning my own money, and I like having Jack as my boyfriend.

That is, if he still is my boyfriend. I guess not. He hasn't said the words, but…he made himself pretty clear otherwise. I'm angry that he doesn't give me a chance just to talk to him and explain. In the same time, I miss him.

I really miss him. There is something reassuring when he's around. I feel safe when I know he's in the next room. I like looking at him when he positively devours whatever I cooked for him. I'm happy when he gives me that cute smirk. I like talking to him. I like when he holds me. I like..uff. There is so much I like about him. And now he's gone.

I roam through the house, not knowing what to do with myself. I already cried on the phone with Rachel for a few days in a row-she surely is getting fed up with my sob stories. I have a few pages left for translating, but I can't seem to find my focus. I don't feel like doing homework. I just feel like…I don't know, lying down and feeling sorry for myself. I think about texting him, but after what he has pulled off today at school, I simply can't. I have to have a minimum of pride. And anyway, what could I write that I haven't already? I tried begging, flattering, threatening, whatever-nothing works!

I stand in the front of the mirror in the bathroom, examining my embarrassingly puffy eyes and red nose, when I hear the front door opening. I gasp as I realize that could only be Jack-no one else has the key to the front door. I run to the hallway, and sure enough, Jack stands in the entrance and looks at me.

I'm not sure how to react, my first instinct is to be happy and throw myself into his arms, but then I realize he could be here just to pick up some of the things he left in the house. So I wait as he looks at me, probably reading me like an open book. Then he quickly approaches me, but still, I'm not sure if he's going towards me or if he's just going to go past me on his way to my aunt's room where all his stuff is. So I awkwardly stand next to the wall, giving him space to walk past me, and I lower my eyes because I don't want him to see the disappointment in my eyes if he's really here just because of his stuff.

I let out a breath as I see the tips of his shoes stopping in front of me. Then I feel his hands on my arms. I still don't dare to look up at him-after embarrassing me so harshly today in school, I can't take another blow.

"Hey", he whispers into my hair as her leans over me, his nose diving into my hair. I let out another breath that is dangerously close to a sob.

"Shhh", he gently removes my hair from the side of my face. I still don't look up to him, but - damn me and my incredible weakness for this guy! – I turn my head just a tiny bit, exposing my neck and obviously inviting him.

His lips immediately but gently connect with the sensitive skin on my neck and I know I'm a goner. I positively melt in his arms. I know we should talk things through first, but…aw, we can talk later. I feel pure bliss in both my heart and my entire body: Jack's back! He still wants me! We're still together! I'm going to give him a scolding about his behaviour later on, now, I want to enjoy him thoroughly.

I hear him hum contentedly as we kiss, and I can feel his excitement as he pushes me towards the bed. I give no resistance whatsoever, just on the opposite, I can't wait for us to get rid of our clothes. In no time, he's leaning over me and gives me that sexy smirk as he positions himself between my legs. I can't stop watching him adoringly, and I run my fingers through his lovely dirty blonde curls.

I gasp as he enters me, the feeling always bordering between pleasure and pain.

"I missed you so much", I tell him softly as he starts moving inside of me, "Don't ever leave me like that again."

He laughs a bit at that, and I'm not sure what he laughs about, but I stop wondering immediately as he now more aggressively starts pounding into me. I try to make him turn on his back so I can straddle him, but he doesn't let me. He kind of pins me down and bites my neck lightly, and I swear to God, he reminds me of some kind of a predatory animal sometimes. I let him keep the position over me he prefers and just enjoy all the sensations he's causing me to have.

He's done rather quickly after that, and I protest a bit as I didn't manage to finish.

"Hush, baby", he slaps my butt as I roll over, "I'm in a hurry, I can't take care of you right now."

"Will you come back later?", I sneak up his back and sigh disappointedly as he gently shakes me off.

"I got this job.", he answers while putting on his clothes "And afterwards I'm invited to this party. Let's meet there"

"What party?", I ask, hoping I can come, too-

"I'll text you the address, we'll meet there. And here's some money, I want you to take a taxi there. Dress nicely. And don't come before 10 o'clock, we don't want to be the first ones there.", he instructs me and then leaves.

I smirk after him, amused by his audacity. He just shows up in my house, then takes me to bed without a word, fucks me and then leaves! And I just let it happen! My willpower is non-existent when it comes to Jack Napier.

Rather than thinking about what really just had happened, I busy myself with planning my look for the evening. I want to look my absolute best, so I go through my entire wardrobe before I pick a very short red dress and dramatic black heels. I sing to myself the entire time-Jack's back, we're going to a party, and then we're probably have fantastic sex, and tomorrow he'll be here again, and we'll talk and stuff and everything is just so fine. I take a long shower, then spend an eternity putting my make up on, while I decide to pull my hair into a high pony tail, exposing my shoulders.

Night comes quicker than I thought, and I feel a bit nervous when I exit the cab in front of a tall apartment building. I have no problem locating the party, since it's extremely loud and takes up an entire floor. Jack told me the party would start late, but judging from the mass of already drunk people here, it's been going on for a while.

I search for Jack but I can't find him anywhere. I pull out my phone and start typing a message, asking where he is. Ten minutes pass and I get no reply.

I really don't feel comfortable. First of all, this is not a party for teenagers like myself. It's full of older people. Everybody seems a bit too loose, and too high. And I have this constant feeling as if somebody is watching me. Well, I am by myself and I'm dressed provokingly, so I guess I'm getting some unwanted attention. I almost get angry at Jack for being so late, but then I grow anxious-he told me he had a job before the party, what if he got hurt, or worse?

The annoying feeling of being watched keeps on pestering me, and I start looking around, searching for those eyes that would not leave me alone.

I find those eyes soon enough, looking at me from a dark corner in the far side of the room. Two pairs of eyes, to be correct.

One pair of eyes belongs to Jack, and they sparkle at me with malice.

The other pair belongs to a very pretty woman with red hair who sits in his lap.

Jack points at me and tells the woman something and they both laugh, and then they share a heated kiss.

I am such a fool.

Sorry for the typos-I wrote this chapter in extreme hurry. Give me your thoughts!