Chapter 21

Since the morning of New Year's Eve I've avoided being alone as much as possible and with James, Remus and Lily's endearing traits means in the past few days I've become even closer and a lot more attached to them.

Even Sirius even though he seems to be spending increasing amount of time with Katie meaning we only ever see him when they resurface from wherever their frolicking hormones decided to take them for meals.

Between James, Remus, Lily and Rik I'm only a few topics away from being up to date. Well, except for in Potions- for the life of me I don't understand Golpalott's Third Law – but that's okay because it gives me something to focus on when there's nothing else.

Also yesterday I swallowed my pride – yet again – and asked Adrian if the offer of working out in the mornings with him was still on the table. I'd gotten a letter from Fabian and Gideon saying that they had been really busy at work but would come soon but it's been getting too much, I need to do something about the current in my veins because I feel like I'm going to punch someone in the face at any given moment just to get rid of some of it.

After some ribbing, Adrian agreed to meet me in the common room at 4.45 under the condition I get the okay from James and give him all the muffins Mrs Weasley had sent me for Christmas.

Bastard.

So here I am, the day before everyone's due to come back to Hogwarts on the quidditch pitch listening to Adrian whine about having to wake up and hour earlier than usual for his daily workouts.

"Oh shut up, it's only an hour and I gave you all those muffins!" I snap as I stretch. "I'm starting off with a run, don't talk to me unless it's productive to what either of us are doing or it's time to go in."

And with that I'm off.

I start off with a light jog and keep building it up until I'm all out gunning it.

And it's fucking fantastic.

I run like that for about half an hour until I take it back down to a more civilised and less maniacal jog.

This is one of the only times I feel as though I'm achieving something, I'm working towards being a better and stronger witch so that I survive this war. I'm being productive by learning what I need to learn…I'm working away the frustration and anger and the only thing I'm focusing on is pushing myself further and the feeling it gives me instead of dwelling on my thoughts and ideas that are supposed to be shoved away in a metaphorical box in the recesses of my mind. I'm too selfish to want to deal with that right now.

For someone who used to hate the mere idea of exercise and productiveness, I love this feeling.

I don't know how long I've been doing this but at some point Adrian starts running beside me.

"You've got a decent stamina." He sounds impressed.

"Nope, my legs are killing me. I'm just stubborn." I huff back.

We jog, run and wind down the run into a brisk walk before stopping for a water break.

"Whatcha doing next?" He asks.

"150 squats, sit ups, push ups and abdominal crunches."

"Daaamn, your godfather must hate you." He whistles.

This is my toned down training, I wonder what he'd say if he saw how much I really do with the proper equipment.

"Or maybe he just wants me to survive."

"So he does train you?"

I stay silent cursing myself.

"Do you do pull ups?"

"Usually but there's nowhere to do that here." I eye the pitch.

"There's a pole in the guy's changing rooms along with some weights. I'll do the weights and see how many pull ups you can do." He winks at me.

I roll my eyes at him and pretend I don't notice his eyes roam down to my breasts.

I'd thrown my jumper to the side, leaving me in my sports bra, stretchy vest top and three quarter yoga pants.

Apparently I'm not body conscious at exercise time.

For now, anyway.

As I power through the squats, sit up, push ups and abdominal crunches I wonder what Dumbledore wants to see me about later.

Maybe he has news or a letter from Charlus and Dorea.

Or maybe he wants to know if you're not about to crumble and reveal to the entire world what you've do….where you're really from.

Crumble: I'm not sure yet.

Reveal: Hell no. I wouldn't put James and everyone in even more danger like that.

Even though I'm doing less than usual because of Adrian's presence I have to reeaaalllyy push myself to complete these sets of exercises, the break I've had combined with the amount of food I've consumed really hasn't done me any favours.

I fall flat on my back after my last abdominal crunch with literally every muscle screaming at me and I'm yet to do 150 pull ups and a final 20 minute run/jog/walk

And I love it.

I love the burn.

Is that weird?

I lay back for minute and watch Adrian do his push ups.

"Could you still do those if I sat on your back?" I ask him.

Gideon once did 150 with me on his back and Fabian managed 137.

"Dunno, hop on and let's see."

Scrambling onto his muscled - nay, his naked muscled back seeing as his shirt is on the floor by mine would probably have sent me into a hormonal mess of wetness and awkwardness if this had been before, but now I just watch him amused, noting his handsome face and muscles and compare them to someone else before I realise what I'm doing.

No.

Stop it.

To his delight, Adrian manages 17 and declares I'm lighter than a person who eats like I do should ever be.

I take that as a compliment and turn towards the dressing room.

Adrian shakes his head as he watches me cast a spell that will cause my wand to buzz once I've reached my 150 and start my pull ups. "Did you work out before you were attacked?"

"Nope." I huff.

"Did you exercise at all?"

"What's with the questions?"

"Just curious. It took me about a year to build up your stamina and you say you only started working out like two months ago."

"I don't have much stamina yet." I correct. "I'm exhausted and have been since the run, I've just got used to pushing myself."

"What do you use to push yourself? Memories of the attack?"

I flinch and stop.

"Why do you need to know?" His questions annoy the shit out of me and make me nervous.

Why does he want to know?

He puts his hands up. "Hey, I'm just curious."

"You don't need to know the answers to everything."

I don't have them so why should you?

"You still don't trust me, do you?" He asks, shrewdly.

I start up my pull ups again, starting over like Alastor made me do whenever I stopped before I answer.

"Don't take it personally, there's not many people I trust."

"But you trusted James, Lily, Remus and even Sirius straight away. Do you trust Rik?"

"Rik?" I ignore the first statement.

"Yeah."

"I don't know him."

"What don't you know?"

"I don't know why you keep asking me so many bloody questions. It's annoying and distracting." I breathe as I do my 17th one.

"You interest him."

I ignore that.

"I think he likes you." Adrian adds casually as he begins lifting weights.

I cross my ankles behind me and let myself go further down before pulling myself up.

"Well, I think he may start liking you."

"I doubt that."

"Why?"

"He can do way better, there's no logical reason for him to like me. Plus he doesn't know me."

"Maybe that's what I'm trying to figure out."

"Huh?"

"Rik's one of my closest friends, he just broke up with Marlene for cheating on him a few months back and he's one of the most sincere guys I know. I don't want him getting hurt again with the next one."

"He doesn't like me so I'm not going to be 'the next one', don't worry."

"Maybe not. It's just an assumption anyway."

…

"Do you like him?"

"Can you stop?"

"Why?"

Because I can't like anyone.

"You're making me uncomfortable."

"Friends talk to friends about these things."

"I talked to my friends back at home about things like this, it's hard enough letting myself even consider being friends with Lily and talk to her about stuff like this without giving myself a hard time over it."

"Fair enough." Is all he says before he turn his attention back to his weights.

74….75….76…

91….92…..fucking hell….93….nfahtoufrtaujhur….9..4….

"What would you do if someone asked you out?" He pipes up again to my annoyance.

"Say no."

"What if you liked them and you knew they were sincere in liking you?"

"Say no."

…..96…

"Really?"

….97…98…

"Yes." I huff as I get to 99.

"Why?"

"I can't do casual relationships, if I were to be interested in someone then I'd only encourage them if I knew we stood a chance of making it work in the long run."

103…104… 105…

117…118…

"Why do you assume it'd be a casual relationship? Maybe he'd want to make it work in the long run too."

"Because I won't be able to have a relationship after Hogwarts. Along with auror training I've got several other plans that would make being in a relationship literally impossible."

"So you won't get into a relationship or even go on a few dates with someone because you wouldn't want them to get hurt which would be inevitable or string them along with something that'll never lead anywhere?"

That and being with me outside of Hogwarts when I'm an auror could put them in danger in being used as bait to get back at me.

…124…125….

"Exactly."

127…128…

"Mia! Why are you in here alone with a boy?!" James comes storming in.

130…131…

"I told you I wanted to work out."

133…134…

"You said you wanted to go for a run."

"James, I told you I was working out, you mumbled okay and then went back to sleep. You can see with your own eyes that nothing's going on."

…136…137…

"We're not even on the same side of the room as each other." I add.

"I was half asleep! And his top's off!"

"And?"

"Oi!"

"No offence." I direct at Adrian. "James, give us both some credit please, Adrian hasn't tried it on once."

142…143…

"But-" He starts and I cut him off.

"Would it settle your concerns if I told you that I'm a virgin and have no intention of changing that anytime soon?"

Adrian drop his weight on his foot and begins a tirade of swears while James just stands there looking immensely shocked/embarrassed/relieved.

…146…147…

"Really?" James asks, almost frightened of the answer.

…148…14…9…I hate the last one….1….5…0!

I let myself drop from the bar and face him properly.

"Really. James, I have no intention of sleeping about with just anyone. I'm not going to make any promises like 'I'll remain a virgin until I get married' this, that, or the other but you have no reason to worry."

Before anyone has a chance to reply I turn around and go to walk out the door.

"I'm going to run, jog and then walk back to the common room and count that as my cool down exercise." I say to them both and turn around just before I exit. "And James, you really should apologise to Adrian because if he's made no insinuations to you that he'd try anything with me then it's not fair on him for you to assume he would." I tell him sternly and jog out.

Once I've showered, changed and eaten I go down for breakfast with everyone with James trailing beside me lecturing me about the pros of abstinence while Sirius, Devon, Adrian and even Daryl and Lily listen in and giggle.

Rik looks amused but doesn't react in any way.

Through the course of the day I realise that my brother can annoy me just as much as he can distract and amuse me. The only break I've had from James' incessant harpering on about virginity, heaven and "yoohoo demons" is when he took a breath.

Don't ask, I have no clue what yoohoo demons are because he turned red while spluttering it out and then refused to elaborate because "it's not proper to talk about such things with your little sister."

I was tempted to tell him I'm technically older than him just to shut him up.

But I don't.

It'd disappoint him.

I've been to see Dumbledore, who wanted me to go over everything I know about Harry's years at Hogwarts – we started off with his first and second years and thanks to the slight hero-worship crush I had on him–that, by the way I have completely and totally nipped in the arse-, could tell Dumbledore about the philosopher's stone, Quirrell with his turban that concealed Voldemort, the Chamber of Secrets, the basilisk , how rumours flew about Harry being one of the world's most powerful wizards- despite only being 11 and 12 years old at the time, that he could speak Parsletongue. He asked a few questions about Harry's ability to speak to snakes and the diary but all I can tell him is that he'd been able to do so from an early age and that the diary was said to contain dark magic which acted through Ginny to open the Chamber.

I meet James and everyone back in the common room, try to study Golpalott's third law again and then head down to dinner.

By the time I'm half way through eating I've had enough, turn to face him and cut off the list of sti's he's telling me about.

"James, I believe in practise as you preach so if you plan on spending the remainder of your life not having sex then please by all means continue but if not shut the hell up about gonorrhoea, eat your damn food and accept that the life of a nun does not appeal to me." I glare at him for a moment and then turn back to my food.

"You don't have to be a nun not to-" I cut him off again, this time by stuffing a sausage in his mouth.

"I swear to God, I've come to love you as my brother but so help me Merlin, if you don't shut up I will spread around that pork sausages aren't the only type of sausage you like in your mouth."

James looks shocked and around us everyone goes silent for a moment before erupting in laughter.

Whoops.

My hand flies to my mouth in shock and I look at James for a moment with the sausage still poking out of his mouth and then at everyone around me.

Lily's howling and clutching her stomach, Adrian looks like he's about to wee, Sirius looks as though he's trying not to laugh but it's coming through, Rik's doubled over and Daryl, April, Patrick and Devon are all literally just pointing and laughing.

At James.

"I- I'm so sorry." I say taking the sausage out of James' mouth.

Don't laugh.

"I didn't realise I'd said it so loud."

Even Kain's laughing.

Don't laugh!

James doesn't move and I can't help it but begin to laugh slightly myself.

"Oh God! James I'm- shit! I'm sorry!"

I don't think apologies are as effective when you're still laughing in the person's face when you say it and judging by James' narrowed eyes, he agrees.

And I'm in trouble.

He doesn't say anything.

He simply stands up and turns to get off the bench.

Oh God have I actually offended him enough that he's going to leave?!

I sober up and turn to see if he's leaving.

Nope.

He's stood behind me…smiling evilly.

Bugger.

And he proceeds to do the one thing I have absolutely no defence against.

The one thing I hate it more than anything.

He tickles me.

And tickles me.

And. Fucking. Tickles. Me.

Until I've fallen backwards off the bench, am past the point of begging for mercy, laughing/cryingscreaching and threatening to kill him.

Oh sweet Merlin, please don't let me pee myself!

And then when he finally stops…

He sits on me.

Why is no one helping me?!

I'm so out of fucking breath…I'm going to kill him!

"Gonna…fucking kill… you!"

"Sorry? I didn't quite catch that from all the way up here." The tosser sings.

"Mr Potter!" Ooooooh I never thought I'd find Professor McGonagall's angry tone and beautiful as I do right now. "Please refrain from sitting on your sister, I'm afraid it's rather frowned upon."

"Just give me a minute, Minnie…I think I can feel a fart brewing." I hear several people crack up and I literally squeal, throw him off and scramble to my feet.

He lies on the floor where he's landed and laughs doing an impression of me squirming while people laugh.

Now my eyes narrow.

Karma may be a bitch but I'm plain petty.

I grab the closest thing to me, which happens to be a little pot of jam, grab a napkin next to it, lean over, dump it over his face and use the napkin to smear it in.

Then laugh in his face.

And then run like hell, still cackling.

I take literally every secret passage I remember, scream the password at the Fat Lady who jerks awake and angrily lets me in muttering something or other and I go to run and hide in my bed. Considering he's got that bloody map I might as well pick the most comfy place if I'm going to get tortured. I run across the common room blindly and slam into someone tall with black, unmistakeable messy hair.

Shit!

"No! I'm sorry James!" I yell, scrunching my eyes at whatever he has in store for me.

He puts his hands on my arms to steady me and does nothing.

Oh fuck.

My resistance doesn't last long, I squint my eyes open and my jaw drops.

It's not a vengeful James who'd caught me.

"CHARLUS!" I jump at them and pull him into a tight hug.

Over his shoulder I see who else is here.

"DOREA!"

"Are you okay? We never heard anything from you and you've been gone ages and we were really worried, did anything bad happen to you?" I babble making Charlus chuckle.

"We're fine, Princess. Not a scratch on us." He reassures me.

They pull back and look at me. "How've you settle-"

The portrait door slams shut and I cringe.

"MIA!"

I stiffen and I'm pretty sure my eyes go wide as hell. "Ooooooooh shit." I do the only logical thing a girl can do.

I run and hide behind closest male parental figure.

"Mia's not here." I say hopefully with my face buried in Charlus's back.

"James, what on earth is all that orange spread around your face?" Dorea asks. "Honestly, you'd think I'd never taught you any table manners!"

"But Muuum, it was Mia!" James whines.

"Wasn't." I deny, not moving an inch.

"Yes it was." Sirius the traitor pipes up.

"Mia, is that true?" Dorea asks, sighing as she walks over to hug Sirius who then comes and greets Charlus while I still hover behind.

"James tickled me until I almost passed out and then sat on me in front of everyone in the Great Hall and then tried to fart on me!" I complain and Charlus howls.

"Honestly James, how could you do that to your sister?! What do you have to say for yourself?" She demands.

"I was trying to give her advice and she shoved a sausage in my mouth in front of everyone and shouted that she'd tell everyone that I...well…" He doesn't finish the sentence but I snort and can't stop myself from cracking up again from behind Charlus.

"His face!" I get out. "You should've seen his face!" My words are barely coming out at this point and are about 10 times higher than usual.

I note that almost all the times I've genuinely laughed have had something or other to do with James.

"Muuuum! Tell her!" James demands like a 5 year old.

"Mia, stop laughing at your brother's face." Dorea commands, her lips twitching.

"Yes, he can't help it, he was born that way." Charlus adds, making me lose it even more and several other people to laugh too.

"Muuuuum!"

"Honestly Charlus!"

"Ooh c'mon Dory! Mia was just having some fun, weren't you Princess?"

I wait until my laughs are mostly under control before turning to Dorea with my most innocent smile and nod in agreement.

"WHAT? YOU CAN'T LET HER-"

"James, please stop shouting we're only a few steps in front of you." She sighs.

A few steps?!

"But she-" He begins again.

"Yes, we get the jist" Dorea interrupts again.

"Yeah, James!" April speaks up.

"You shut up!"

"James, we don't talk to girls that way!" Charlus scolds him.

"Yeah, James."

It's reasons like this I can't help but adore Lily.

"Liiilllyyyyyyy, don't you turn on me too!" James whimpers.

"Sorry but why change the habit of a lifetime?" She replies.

"C'mon James, can you really blame her for preferring the better sibling?" I say poking my head round Charlus's side to see his reaction.

The joy of which is hampered by Dorea grabbing me by my ear and Charlus grabbing James' when he laughs at me.

"Right." Dorea starts. "Who started it?"

"He did!"

"She did!"

We shout at the same time.

It doesn't take her long to find out the way things went – thankfully James doesn't feel the need to mention the specifics of what we were arguing about and she makes us apologise to each other and hug it out.

Which we do and end up laughing again.

"You looked ridiculous squirming about like that." James pokes me in my side as we break the hug.

"Yeah well you should have seen your face when I shoved the sausage in your fat gob." I sniff, elbowing him.

We eye each other challengingly for a moment before his face threatens to break out in a grin and we burst into laughter again.

"I can't tell you how relieved I am that you're not some boring stick." My brother grins at me, ruffling me hair.

"Thanks."

"And to think we worried she would find our clown of a son too much to handle." Charlus scoffs while he and Dorea both watch us, smiling.

"I believe she's more than a match for our son." She agrees, eyes twinkling.

"OH GOD! MUM! DAD! YOU'RE BACK!" James realises with a rush when

We stand around talking for about five more minutes until James comes up with the idea of holding a last minute quidditch practise to show his parents how the team's doing.

Dorea and I walk behind the rest of the team once everyone's finished grumbling, gotten changed and grabbed everything they need.

"Dorea?"

I want to tell her about how much I'm struggling mentally but I don't know how to put it into words.

"Yes, darling?"

I look at her for a moment and then notice how drawn her face look. She must be exhausted.

"Thank you for the Christmas presents, you both spoiled me way too much."

"Nonsense, we brought the same amount for you as we did for the boys." She replies airily, placing her arm in mine.

"Oh…thank you anyway." I state awkwardly, not knowing what else to say.

"You're most welcome. Do you feel like you're ready for everyone to come back and for classes to start up?"

"Since when does it matter if I'm ready, it's going to happen whether I like it or not." I state, bitterly.

I don't know what made me say that.

Well, yes I do but I shouldn't have said it out loud.

"I'm sorry, I meant -" I begin.

"You meant what you said and it's true. It wasn't all supposed to be dumped on you like this." Dorea sighs and frowns.

I hadn't meant to make her feel bad.

"It's not your fault. I just…things are easier with James and the boys. Lily too. It's just a matter to trying to find a balance." I tell her, eyeing the group in front of me.

"Are you settling in okay…with the boys?" She asks.

"Yeah."

Mostly. Sirius doesn't to think much of me.

"What about Lily? She seems nice." Dorea fishes as we walk outside the main doors.

"She is. She's been really nice and stuff." I admit.

"Are you making an effort with her?"

The motherly Spanish Inquisition would have pissed me off before, now I like it.

"I'm trying. I think. I have moments where most people would have just thought 'sod it', but she's as stubborn and persistent as she is gorgeous." I smile slightly.

"I see. She seems like she'd be a good friend to you."

Traitor.

Heartless.

The guilt bubbles up again.

"Have you been sleeping alright?"

No.

I lie awake for hours every night thinking about everything that could go wrong, all the lives I'll ruin and end or not even give a chance.

"Mostly."

"Really?"

No. Even when I get to sleep, it's a few hours because the nightmares have become so intense even the idea of sleeping has begun to be enough to make me panic.

"I have good nights and bad nights."

"Dumbledore mentioned he brought someone in to talk to you." Dorea says quietly.

Her tone's quiet but I gather from her carefully expressioned face she's annoyed about it.

I choose my words carefully. "Do you remember what he said the day before Alastor started my physical therapy?"

I take the sudden scowl and dark expression as a yes.

"Turns out that was an assumption that wasn't entirely correct…" I flounder for a moment, not quite sure how to put the rest of it in a subtle way – the group were only a few feet in front of us and could probably hear us talking if they wanted to. "It may be easier for you to have a look at the memory than to have me explain it."

I remember every moment of that meeting, I just don't want to go over it any more than I have to or already do.

"What do you mean it wasn't entirely correct?" Dorea splutters loudly. "Do you mean to tell me that man sprouted a bunch of nonsense at you that he knew would be one of the hardest things for you to deal with on top of everything else and it wasn't even correct?!"

"Dory." Chalus warns from the front of the group.

"What's wrong, Mum?" James looks concerned and looks between us.

"Nothing James." She tells him.

"But-"

"James, don't." Charlus warns.

"Mia?" He looks at me.

"Not now." I mutter, looking forward.

The group had walked forwards to give us privacy, except Sirius who was besides James and just staring.

"I'll tell you what I can later." I say wearily as we arrive on the quidditch pitch.

"I'll hold you to that." He promises before he and Sirius run onto the pitch.

"Dumbledore?" Is all Charlus asks, to which Dorea nods.

"Mia will give us the memory later." She tells him and he nods in return before following his sons out onto the pitch.

"C'mon let's grab a seat by Remus and Lily or you'll get wet." I tell Dorea as it starts to rain.

Charlus and Dorea leave not long after the practise is over, we've given them their presents – which they adored and Dorea teared up at more than once – I explain what I can to the boys without giving anything away. I simply say that Dumbledore was misinformed about something to do with my family that I couldn't yet tell him and it upset me but he's now put the matter straight and that's what had me so down the other week, which leads to James telling me off for not going to him and then hugging me before he starts teaching me about transfiguring owls into opera glasses.