Authors Note: The first part of this chapter is in third person, from . . . FAANG'S point of view! Whooo! I know you're excited. I just know it. It switches back to Max- well, you'll know when. So I won't keep you busy any longer!

Continue (:

Chapter Twenty One

Shiver

He missed her so much.

Every day he felt a little bit weaker; more prone to caving to the gaping hole in his chest. He was Fang. He wasn't supposed to be so . . . emotionally affected. But this was Max. And when it came to her, everything changed.

It was more difficult than he could have ever imagined, just living day to day. Knowing she was halfway across the country, yet so unsure of her safety. Whether she was . . . happy. Or more importantly, whether she was as unhappy as he was.

Every minuscule thing he saw, or heard, or felt, or smelt, or even tasted, for that matter, reminded him of her. Anything. Everything. It hurt . . . it hurt so incredibly badly he didn't know what to do with himself half the time. He found it a miracle that he didn't dissolve into tears, and that was saying something. Once again, this was Fang.

On the outside he looked as perfectly blank and unblemished as usual. An irrelevant passerby would see nothing out of the ordinary. True, his stony facade held strong even in this terrible time. It was on the inside that his walls were shattered, destruction reigning terror on his heart.

All he could see was her face; the way her lip had trembled as she stared up at him, saying those words that were so inconceivable to him. That it would somehow be easier that way.

The image of her fleeing because of him was burned permanently into his mind. It stayed there, never slipping far from his sight. It probably wasn't helping much, simply prying open an already festering wound, but the constant picture reminded him that this was all his fault.

But she didn't understand. She didn't understand at all. What she thought and what had actually been going on were two very different things. She was convinced he had betrayed her in the worst way possible . . .

Only he knew how untrue that was.

Somehow, someway . . . he had to make her understand. She had to know the truth. The gnawing anxiety that accompanied such sentiments wasn't going to go away until he was able to confide in her. He doubted he would ever move on from her, however typically teenage angst-ridden that sounded. There was no one else quite like Max Ride.

His Maximum.

So, regardless of what obstacles stood in his path, he would find her . . . and he would explain, and right all his assumed wrongs. She could make her decision after that, whether he stayed or went.

And he would do either, if only to see her smile one more time.

- }{ -

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!" I insisted.

"Yes!" Zach hissed back, equally stubborn.

"Noooo."

"Yeeees."

"No. No, no, no."

"Yes. Yes, yes, yes."

"I will hit you."

"I will bite you."

"Ugh. Touche," I muttered, slightly repulsed. Zach grinned in response, flashing his impeccably white teeth. He snapped them in my direction for effect, and I quickly dodged his lunge; sidestepping slightly. With him you really couldn't tell. It was best to be cautious.

"Alright. Let's go then." He motioned towards the door exiting the school. A still steady flow of students were passing through it, on their way home for the day. The exact place I wanted to go, too. It seemed though, that Zach wasn't going to be so easily deterred.

"Zach, I'm not going to your grandmother's house to help you plant flowers!" I practically screamed this time, my patience wearing thin. Why was he so infuriating?

There was a beat of silence as we stared each other down. Zach may have been able to rival me in stubbornness, but I had him beat in the glaring department hands down. No one had a better glare then me . . . no one but Fang.

And the heart pangs were back.

"You guys fight like a married couple."

I glanced up quickly, my brow furrowing instantly. Zach followed my gaze, turning around so he could see the person standing behind him. It was a girl, probably a little younger than us. I personally didn't have a clue who she was, and by the raised eyebrow I was now receiving from Zach, I didn't think he was acquainted with her either. Odd.

"I mean seriously. Why don't you just get with each other already?"

My expression morphed into something akin to stormy a split second after the words were out of her mouth. Clenching my hands into fists I stared at her wordlessly, trying to contain myself. It wouldn't do me any good to punch this innocent chick in the face. It wasn't her fault, after all. She didn't know what I had just gone through . . . What I was still going through, if I was being truthful to myself.

"Max-" Zach began in concern, upon seeing my volatile expression. I just shook his worry off, trying futilely to compose myself. If I kept this up I wasn't going to be able to dodge his questions anymore. Relating the whole tale of my heartbreak wasn't going to help me, that I was sure of. I didn't want to relive it any more than I had to. As it was, everything (and I mean everything) was a painful reminder of Fang, and the lost love we had. Rather, the lost love on my half, that is. It had become agonizingly obvious that he had never cared for me at all.

"I have to . . . go to the bathroom," I blurted, scrambling for excuses. My mind was frazzled, jumbled into a mess now that I was thinking about him so much. "I'll be right back."

Hustling away from where Zach and the strange girl were still standing, I hurried down the hall. My feet scuffed against the streaked, dirty tile of the corridor, kicking up debris and dust as I went. Scraps of paper and half chewed on pencils cluttered together as the janitor came in my direction with a mop, cramming all the trash into one pile. I danced out of his way, nodding a greeting in response to his. The movement was mechanical and done on instinct.

Finally locating a bathroom I stumbled into it, the cold door giving slight resistance as I shoved it open; creaking on its hinges the entire way. The once glossy paint was already fading and slashed to reveal the old coat beneath it . . . Kind of like me, when I stopped to think about it.

Here I was, with this entirely new life after all the hardships of the past. At first, it had all been going great, but the luxury was quickly diminishing; wearing down to dull. Now the finish was peeling off entirely, leaving me raw and defenseless to whatever came my way. Once upon a time I probably could have taken Fang's betrayal. After months of going soft though, not to mention the utter shock of it, I was completely unprepared.

Stuck. Stuck with a load of broken promises and a crushed heart.

Breathing deeply, I tried to remain a semblance of calm. Leaning heavily on the cream colored counter, I gazed into the smudged, cracked mirror. The brown in my blond hair glinted in the dim fluorescent lighting, coiled together at the nape of my neck. My mouth puckered down at the corners, and I vainly tried to force them upwards. My eyes though, were the worst. They looked half deranged; shiny and reflective. I really didn't want to admit it, but the sheen came from the fact that they were slick with tears.

Many times, especially late at night when I had nothing to do but lay and think of him, I had come very nearly close to crying. But I never had. Not once. I was proud of that. It seemed like a major breakdown was largely overdue, though. Something had to happen. At some point I had to start moving on from him and his lies. Instead, I was perpetually frozen in this state of longing and pain.

Awesome.

A soft knocking on the door, that grew louder the longer I didn't answer, broke me of my contemplative state. Shaking my head I craned it to gaze in the direction of the door. For a moment I was confused by the noise, before I realized it was probably Zach coming to check on why I was taking so long.

Taking one last deep, soothing breath I closed the distance between myself and the door. I grasped the handle in my fingers, tugging it inwards. Just as I expected, Zach was on the other side, painted concerns on his face.

"Hey," I greeted him loftily.

"You okay?" he inquired, no beating around the bush. Straight to the point that kid was.

"Of course," I said with an indifferent shrug. "Why wouldn't I be? I just had to use the potty."

His eyes narrowed calculatingly as he inspected me. Whether he believed me or not, I didn't really care. I just needed to get out of there.

"You sure you're alright?" Zach pressed on, seeing right through me.

"I'm great. Never been better." The sarcastic enthusiasm in my voice didn't go unnoticed by him, and I could tell he was already formulating yet another prying question. To deter this I stepped completely into the hallway, letting the door to the bathroom swing shut behind me.

I shot him a smile as I pushed past the blockade he had made with his body. He stepped back to let me through, but I could tell I hadn't heard the end of it. Out of my peripheral vision I saw him run a hand through his light brown hair, the ends sticking up once his fingers detached themselves.

"Are you ever going to tell me what your deal is?"

His words stopped me cold. I could only take one more faltering step away before I felt rooted to the spot. Turning slowly I found him a few paces behind me, him having never moved from in front of the girls restroom.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Look Max, you're a really good friend, and I don't have any romantic interest in you. But every time someone brings up something about us dating you either shrug it off like with Ella this morning, or you act like someone just announced the apocalypse. In case you hadn't noticed, most people don't react like that. I never asked you before, because I never thought it was really necessary, but it's getting kind of out of hand. So, what gives?" he demanded, taking a few steps towards me.

I didn't know what to say.

"I . . . It's nothing. Seriously." My attempt at nonchalance wasn't going to fool anyone, least of all him. Zach could read me almost as well as . . . Fang. Fang. All the time. It always came back to him in the end, didn't it? God, I was pathetic.

"What, is it like a secret or something? I can keep secrets. Don't you trust me?"

Now he was just trying to make me feel bad.

"I do trust you, to a certain extent."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded. A crease appeared on his forehead, as his brows furrowed. Ahhh. Way to go, Max! Could you shove your foot in your mouth any more?

"I've been through a hell of a lot. More than you could imagine. Maybe one day I'll be able to sit down and tell you it all, because trust me when I say it's a long story. But know this: I don't trust easily. The fact that I'm as close as I am to you is an accomplishment on your part . . . Especially after what he did to me."

Zach's opaque green eyes were trained on mine.

"Who?"

I sighed heavily. "That is most definitely not a conversation I'm ready to have with anyone yet."

Not waiting for a response, or to even see his reaction, I turned on my heel and started making my way down the now empty hall once more. The silence that ensued was almost palpable. I could hear every rustle my clothes made as I walked, and the thudding of my feet on the hard tile. I was almost to the door when another set of footsteps joined my own; much quicker. Zach caught up to me just as I reached the door.

"I guess I'll have to wait then," he said, looking down at me with a smile. I grinned thankfully in return.

As I was pushing the door open he slung a loose arm around my shoulder, stepping out in perfect unison with me. Vaguely I heard him start in on his spiel about going to his grandmother's again, but I wasn't listening. No, instead I found myself halting in disbelief; my eyes going wide and my mouth gaping. A shiver ran up my spine, as my heart beat painfully in my chest.

"Fang?"

Authors Note: HAHAHAHAHAH (that was an evil cackle, just so you know). I managed to leave you in heavy suspense once again. I. Am. A. Genius. Really, I am ;)

Anyway, thanks for the reviews as always. I don't think I've been saying that, so just know that it's MUCHO appreciated. Oh, and keep it up. Seriously. I got more reviews than I usually do for last chapter . . . so it'd be nice if you could, you know, do it again. Catch muh drift? (:

P.S. For those of my readers that have read The Hunger Games, and are super excited for the movie: what actor(s) are you most excited to see potray their characters role? I just realized Alexander Ludwig is Cato yesterday, AND I DIED. Mhmm, I like him. Although I don't see why they cast Josh Hutcherson as Peeta over him. It's CRAZY.