A/N: I really hate ending a story on an odd number. Thanks to everyone for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

-MalRev

My Own Being

21: Selcouth

The sun was setting and a pleasant breeze pulled the smoke away from my cigarette. I took a long drag, trapping the smoke in my lungs for a few extra seconds before letting it join the tumbling leaves and vanish from my view. Goten and Trunks were laughing and twisting around one another in the air, trying to wrestle and failing miserably. I watched idly as the two half-brothers struggled to dominate one another and wondered if I should reveal the truth to everyone.

"Blegh, I wish you'd stop smoking those things. They're icky."

I tilted my head toward Goku, who had joined me outside to sit on the deck. We had given several weeks to let things settle down but he had been fairly impatient as always. Goten came along to act as an innocent cover and our sons were jeering at one another and threatening to power up if the other didn't stop being unfair. I'd forgotten that kind of innocence—it was precious.

I dashed my ashes into my empty soda can. "Some things will never change."

Goku looked at me. I was staring at Trunks, lightly touching my cigarette to my mouth. If only he hadn't grown up around Vegeta: maybe he would've been less of a brat. My son from the future was a sweetheart. He was kind, intelligent, and cautious, like me.

Well, 'kind' and 'cautious' no longer applied to Bulma Briefs. I'd overcome the weakness that was kindness seven years ago and my cautious nature had died when I first met Goku. He was always bringing me on adventures, never resting for one damn second. No wonder he drove his wife nuts.

"My feelings for you won't ever change," Goku said.

Hm. I smiled into my smoky sin and watched Goten stick his tongue out at Trunks.

"It's time to let it go, Goku. Seven years have gone by and I'm getting older. I know we used to think your family needed you before, but now they do more than ever. Goten needs you the most."

"But I need you."

"And I needed you," I said, growing cold again. "But you chose to die for seven years and impregnate your wife, who you promised you would leave. It would've been a clean break if you hadn't done that. It could've been you, me, and Trunks living at Capsule Corp. and that bastard Vegeta wouldn't have gotten his grubby hands on our son. Look at him; he's a dead ringer for his 'father'."

Goku's hair shifted in the wind and he pressed his lips into a thin line. "I'm sorry. I was only doing what I thought was best for everyone."

"Always the hero. You should've told me about Trunks from the beginning."

"Well the one from the future was positive that Vegeta was his daddy, and he told me I couldn't intervene." Goku leaned back, rubbing his head. The plastic chair creaked. "I guess the Bulma in that timeline didn't tell him the truth, or maybe it was only true then."

We sat in silence and watched the kids for a while longer before I called to Trunks to come inside. Goten looked to his father for the same command but Goku was eyeing the purple-haired boy standing in front of me, trying to see a piece of himself. I irately pointed to the little boy still hovering in the air and Goku called him as well, resulting Goten nearly knocking his father over with a hug. I dashed out my cigarette and led them all back inside Capsule Corp.

Trunks and Goten hurried to the Gravity Room to be tormented mercilessly by Vegeta and I was left standing alone with Goku. We were in the living room standing by the windows and the sun was at the horizon, casting a red glow across my new upholstery and the soft carpets I had installed. Mom and dad had moved out and left Capsule Corp. in my hands, like I would do with Trunks one day. The kid was a blooming genius just like his mother.

Goku took a step toward me and I politely stepped back. I fanned out my nails to examine them and Goku stuffed his hands in his pockets, taking my imposed distance as a refusal. Now I was actually married to Vegeta and there was no way I'd risk him catching us. No, it couldn't happen again. Goten was just a kid, I had Trunks to take care of, and Chi-Chi was still afraid her husband would vanish.

"So, Gohan has a nice girlfriend," I said. "She's head over heels for him. I wonder if he'll marry the first girl he comes across like you did."

The Saiyan scowled. "That was ten… no, five…? No, because Gohan's…" He scratched his head, flustered.

"Gohan is eighteen," I reminded him softly. "You married Chi-Chi 19 years ago."

"Oh… right. I forget things sometimes. Technically I'm still only 30!"

I cocked my head and smiled, trying to not to look too sad. "I'm 41, Goku."

Twilight was glowing across Capsule Corp. Goku took another step forward and reached out to touch my hip, swiftly pulling me to him when I tried to move away. He hugged me tightly and buried his face in my neck. Shit, Vegeta was going to know somehow. That asshole knew everything.

Goku sighed. "I don't care if you're 80, Bulma."

"It's too late. There are a lot of people depending on us now."

"But you're the only person I need."

"Stop saying that!" I snapped, struggling in his arms. "You can't disappear for seven years and come back hoping everything will be okay. You left all of us behind to go avoid your problems in Other World. They might have the wool pulled over their eyes but I don't."

"Well you've been lying to Vegeta and even told him Trunks is his!"

"Take your brat and go home!"

Warm breath ghosted over my ear. "Which one?"

Instinctually, I yanked away from Goku like I did with Vegeta when he was too handsy but Goku grabbed me again before I could start telling him off. He held my hair and pushed my lips to his, hungry and aggressive from the seven long years of waiting I had also endured. It wasn't fair. We were both corrupted by what we felt but neither of us could escape it. Poor Chi-Chi had waited so long and worked so hard raising Goten and here I was, kissing her husband.

When we broke apart, I desperately wanted to tell him to meet me at our hotel. His beguiling eyes were studying me, waiting for those words to come from my mouth; for me to cave and begin our affair anew. But I couldn't do it. There were too many people caught in flux. Trunks deserved to keep the life he knew and I couldn't possibly reveal the truth to Vegeta after so many years.

Tears brimmed in my eyes. "No, Goku."

"I love you, Bulma. I'm gonna come see you every night."

"I said no."

He wrung his hands, frustrated with my inaction. "C'mon, no one will ever know. Nobody knows about last time and I can get away from Chi-Chi. I'll come over a lot to let Trunks play with Goten, too. I'll make sure they grow up together, even if they can't know the truth outright."

The door to the Gravity Room opened and our sons came running out in a flurry of shrieks and laughter, tailed by Vegeta angrily shouting at them. I watched as they turned around a corner to run to the back of the house and turned to pursue, accustomed to saving Trunks from Vegeta's wrath. But a strong hand grasped my forearm to keep me in place and I turned to face Goku one more time.

He was shivering. His eyes were sad.

"You can't turn me away," he said. "I'll give you one more chance. Please say yes."

Trunks stopped laughing and started howling in pain. I tore my arm free of Goku's grasp and hurried through the house, screaming for Vegeta to cut it out. Goten ran past me along the way to his father with his eyes full of tears. He wasn't used to seeing this kind of dysfunction.

Time drove forward. Goku respected my wishes and he never called or dropped by the house unexpectedly again, leaving Trunks very depressed. I encouraged my son to meet other kids and he eventually made new friends at school, though none of them seemed to fill the void Goten left. I found myself inconsolable upon losing Goku and withdrew further into myself than ever before.

Vegeta and I eventually did have a child together—Bulla was born four years after Majin Buu's defeat when Trunks was 12 years old. He wasn't entirely sure what to think of her but soon grew very attached. Her presence helped calm my husband down and I would catch him sitting on her bed some nights rubbing her head or nodding off to a story. It took many years for me to come around to being married to Vegeta and for his Saiyan instinct to weaken to a human degree.

Both of my children grew like weeds. Trunks attracted the attention of plenty of girls and Bulla was a heartbreaker by first grade, taking strongly after her mother. I morbidly wondered if she would do the same thing to Goten that I had done to his father: would she be the second Briefs to crush a man from the Son family? Vegeta doted upon her but she was not nearly as much of a spoiled brat as Trunks had been thanks to his increasingly mature behavior.

"Woman! We're going to visit Kakarot!"

Ten long years had gone by. I glanced up from Bulla's math homework, blinking stupidly at Vegeta. He finally wore normal human clothes and didn't look like as much of a dweeb.

"Why?" I asked.

"The 28th Martial Arts Tournament begins tomorrow," Vegeta snapped as if I should've known. "I want to ensure Kakarot and his brood are entering."

"Well your brood won't be entering." I turned back around and circled two numbers of Bulla's sheet of paper but she was more interested in her mac and cheese. "Bulla is way too young and she isn't a chip off the old block like Trunks. He's probably too busy with his new girlfriend. You're on your own."

Vegeta scowled. "Trunks will enter the tournament, whether he likes it or not. Come! Gather Bulla and fly that damnable contraption to Kakarot's shack in the mountains."

It wasn't that easy for me. I couldn't face Goku after ten years of never seeing him. He never even called—Chi-Chi, of all people, never picked up the phone to see how we were doing. I assumed it was because she was so busy with other things, like Goten and Gohan and Videl's little girl, but it wasn't like her. It hurt my feelings more than I let on but I figured it was for the best.

Going to see Goku after an extended period of time never worked out for me. He either insisted we continue our affair or went ahead and died for a while. I was getting too old to deal with the drama. I'd lost my other half when he was 18 and married a woman because she demanded it.

Unfortunately, Vegeta was incredibly crass and I found myself flying the Capsule Corp. plane to Mt. Paozu. Bulla squealed happily in the backseat and played with her father while I kept my steely gaze on the horizon. Seeing the Son family would be awkward. Not only had we failed to communicate for ten years, we also were meeting under fairly asinine circumstances. Another damned tournament.

We landed outside Goku's home to see Trunks was already there talking to Goten. He was the spitting image of Goku, though with much messier hair, and was talking in earnest with his long-lost best friend. All eyes turned to us as we got out of the plane and I stiffened my upper lip upon seeing him.

Age had not seeped through his skin. Goku was still beautiful and perfect, the visage of youth, and his hair was as crazy as ever. He set his hands on his hips and his eyes swept down to Bulla trotting happily between Vegeta and I. He could've passed for 25 even though he was technically about 47.

My stomach turned. Now I was 51. Middle age had struck.

Goku kept a friendly poker face. "Heya, guys! What brings you here?"

And of course, Vegeta was down to business. "Kakarot!" he scolded. "Surely you're entering the tournament this year?"

"Goten is!" Trunks offered, slapping his friend on the back. "I made sure of it."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Goku said. He was eyeing Bulla curiously but his gaze suddenly turned to the sky and he brightened. "And here comes my favorite fighter!"

It made me blood boil that he hardly acknowledged Trunks. He was his damn son—the least he could've done was asked him how high school was or something. I fiddled with my breast pocket for a cigarette, glaring at Goku ferociously. No wonder Chi-Chi was always screaming at him.

A flash of light zipped past Vegeta and I and a little girl landed in front of Goku, bright-eyed and bushytailed. She had short black hair that made me immediately aware of who she belonged to: Gohan and Videl. I knew they had a daughter, but I had no idea she was nearly Bulla's age. I glanced down at my own daughter and smiled at her. She beamed back at me.

"Grandpa, grandpa!" the little girl squealed. "Grandma is mad at you!"

"What else is new?" Goten muttered. He was promptly elbowed in the ribs by Trunks.

Goku leaned over on his knees and smiled. "Thanks for letting me know, Pan. You're always looking out for me. Are you ready for the tournament tomorrow?"

"What?!" I cried, stunned from my smoking. "There's no junior division, right? How will she compete?"

"The brat is nearly a human!" Vegeta said, echoing my dissent.

"She doesn't fight like one." Goku rose and patted Pan on the head. "She'll be just fine. Chi-Chi already threatened to starve me for a week if anything happens."

We were invited to Goku's home for dinner and though I staunchly refused, my Saiyan husband and half-Saiyan children weren't ones to turn down a free meal. We walked the short distance back to the Son home and I was surprised to see it had gotten much bigger since I last visited. Had Goku and Chi-Chi come upon any money? Android 18 had won the last tournament.

Chi-Chi was much more demure. She welcomed all of us and hugged me especially tight before starting dinner. I was sickened by the vast amounts they all ate competing with one another. Even Pan tried to eat more than her grandfather and Goku pretended to let her win. She left the table skipping with glee to take a nap and he quickly shoveled more food down his throat in her absence.

It was dark when we were all finished. Trunks left for a party with Goten and Vegeta watched over Bulla and Pan playing together in the living room. Chi-Chi hummed to herself while she cleaned and I went outside for a quick smoke break, full and reasonably happy. I lit my cigarette with a few flicks of the wheel and basked in the knowledge that I could resist Goku. It had only taken two decades.

I sat in one of the chairs on their deck and smoked slowly. It was just like the night after Majin Buu had been defeated, except my son was ten years younger and playing around with his half-brother. Now they were both grown men going to parties and dating girls. Trunks would inherit Capsule Corp. in a few years and run it the way my father had before me. I was getting older.

The chair beside me scraped against the floor. "Mind if I sit?"

I exhaled. My heart was pounding. Goddammit.

Of course, it was Goku's house, so he took a seat and disregarded my silence. He squinted up at the moon like it was a speck and somehow difficult to see. We didn't speak to one another.

"I'm going to leave tomorrow," he said.

"Terrific. Am I supposed to be surprised?"

"No, I guess not. There's gonna be someone there who's awfully strong and I think I should train him. None of my kids really fight anymore and Pan is strong, but still mostly human."

"I'm getting awful déjà vu."

Goku laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "Y'know, I get that a lot nowadays. Every time I look at something I can tie it back to you—the sky makes me think of your hair, Goten makes me think of Trunks, our new house makes me think of Capsule Corp. And I don't think I can deal with it anymore."

I was trembling. Neither could I.

Everything brought back those memories. It took so much hard work to avoid them. Sometimes I had to look at Bulla and remember that she kept me tethered to her father; that her happiness and her brother's happiness came before mine. She deserved a safe, happy family.

"And since I've gotta leave, I came up with an idea."

I bit back tears and took another drag. "What kind of idea?"

"A good one that lets us be together. I think our lives are kind of done, don't you?"

"Are you suggesting a suicide pact?"

"No!" Goku spluttered. "Of course not! Nothing here will change, but… well, I talked to Shenron and he thinks it could be possible. We could be put in a different timeline where we got married."

Oh good, using the Dragon Balls to solve our problems. I was resigned to my fate. Goku had never been and would never be mine. Wishes wouldn't change that.

"And I won't be able to remember any of this," I said. "What's the point? Despite all of the nonsense we've been through, I don't want to forget any of it. I don't want to be thrown into another Bulma's body and marry another Goku. I wanted you in this timeline with this Bulma."

He leaned toward me, dark eyes nervous. "But if you remember you'll be sad about what you left behind. Shenron said it could make a time… paradox, I think. If we wish for this, everything will be different but no one here has to suffer for it. They won't disappear and neither will we. There will just be a new place where what should've happened will happen. No harm, no foul."

"So my consciousness will essentially die. When we make the wish, who we are right now will die."

"Well, not physically or anything. C'mon, Bulma. Everyone will know I'm gonna be gone for a long time, anyway, so they won't worry. Don't you want to finally be happy?"

"…Yes."

Happy. I'd known that word a few fleeting times. Would I be better acquainted with it if I married Goku? Or would the same tragedies and problems befall us? What if he and Chi-Chi were supposed to be together? What if Gohan was supposed to be born to those specific people?

Goku waved goodbye to everyone at the tournament the next day. Pan was heartbroken. I sat with my arms folded and tried not to watch her cry. He would pick up the Dragon Balls from Capsule Corp. along the way with Uub and make the wish when they were at their training area. That way, the new Goku wouldn't wonder where on Earth he was.

Happy. I closed my eyes and leaned back in my seat as everyone began criticizing Goku's decision. Happy. Maybe happiness was forgetting other people's feelings and taking what you wanted.