Thank you, Kravn for being awesome.
...
For all the feelings in the world to have about this specific day. And they were a great many of them ranging all the way from anxious to freaked out to the point of insanity, Bo had never thought she'd feel calm.
Like everything inside her was content and perfect.
And the fact that she felt calm freaked her out on like seventeen different levels each of them more freaky than the last because; who the fuck feels calm on their wedding day?
No one. That's who.
And she knew this for a fact because she had spent the entire night- or rather early morning- googling 'what to feel on wedding day' because she was set on everything being bloody perfect on this day. She has a perfect wife, she's perfect herself (not to be vain or anything) they had the perfect venue. Their friends were questionable creatures but that wasn't really in their control so she was going to let that slide. They even had the perfect, a little insane but still perfect, cat. No way Bo was going to mess this up with having feelings that one shouldn't have on her wedding.
Like, what if she woke up and just felt like really,really having sex with Lauren? 'Cause it's been days and that shit is just unnacceptable. Especially considering how amazing Lauren was last night, swooping in like some female version of casanova, taking Bo out on a date at midnight and making her feel all sorts of mushy and girly and someone should warn humanity that falling in love isn't good for your street cred.
Really.
So anyway, feelings. Basically everyone just said that they felt overwhelmed and Bo kinda decided that that's the general feeling normal people go with. What? She's never been in love before and her last wedding was a quick affair, she needs to be aware of these things.
Now this calmness business. It is posing to be a problem because the internet, which never lies,said overwhelmed and anyone who's learnt basic English knows that overwhelmed and calm are on two different ends of the feelings spectrum.
She hasn't even walked down the damn aisle yet and she's already fucking it up.
"Fuck!"
"For fucks sake, will you stop fidgeting already!" Kenzi's annoying voice cuts through her internal freak out. Somehow, and Bo really has zero idea how, she weaseled her way into becoming Bo's makeup artist today. She's apparently great at this but Bo has her doubts.
Lots of them.
"You're acting like you have a vibrator in-" she stops applying Bo's mascara and looks at her with narrowed eyes. "You don't, do you?"
Bo frowns, "I don't what?"
"Have some kinky ass shit going on inside you right now."
She scrunches her nose. "That's disgusting. You're disgusting."
Kenzi just shrugs and goes back to her work and Bo's mind goes back to the fact that she's freaking out about not freaking out and this shit is confusing her now. She needs Lauren. She hasn't seen her since last night. Or early this morning if you're petty and like talking in semantics. And she hasn't heard from her either but she knows Lauren had breakfast sent to her because Tamsin doesn't cook and Bo makes shit coffee and she would have been a nightmare had she not had coffee this morning.
If she were here she would make everything better because she's good at that. Also, it's sort of her fault for making Bo love her this much and it's only fair that she helps deal with her internal melt down.
"I need-"
"No." Kenzi cuts her off before the words are even fully out of her mouth and she has to hold herself back in order not to hurt the tiny creature.
Not only because she doesn't want to wrinkle her dress before Lauren even gets a chance to see and be awed at it because not to self toot horns or anything, but this dress is amazing as all actual fucks and it's going to get her incredible things in her future, but also because she doesn't need to make Lauren angry by hurting her friends on their wedding day.
"I haven't even asked yet."
"Yet I already know exactly what whatever you're going to ask for will involve. That's how effin predictable you are."
"I'm not predictable." Bo says indignantly because well, she isn't. Mystery is pretty much her fourth name. Well, it's going to be Lewis in a few hours and holly fucking shit she's getting married!
"You're doing it again."
"Doing what?"
"Fidgeting. For vodka's sake you're marrying the woman for the second time in just a few hours. You don't have to think about her constantly!"
All Bo got from that sentence is Kenzi echoing her thoughts of getting married to the love of her life and a slow smile fights it's way to her lips although she tries to restrain that sucker for the sake of her dignity.
Kenzi sighs. "You're hopeless." But it's easy to see that she's smiling too.
And maybe she is hopeless, but she has finally found someone who makes her happy without even trying. Without even being in the same freaking room. And she's never planning on letting go.
...
Kenzi leaves right after she's done because she gets atext from Tamsin that she needs to get to the other room.
It's apparently something Lauren related but she's not hurt or anything so Bo doesn't have to lose her shit over it.
Not that that calms her fears none.
She waits for someone to come for her like Lauren said they would for almost a whole fifteen minutes and now she's well over that calm feeling. She's getting antsy as fuck and it's literally hurting her to sit still and not get out there and marry the hell out of Lauren before she changes her mind. Or someone who knows the right feelings to feel on their wedding day comes and steals her away.
She just wants to be married goddamit.
The door opens slowly and Trick walks in with Aide waiting outside the door upon the old man's request.
Bo stops her pacing and freak out for a minute and just looks at him. He looks healthier today than he has in such a long time and she vaguely remembers that all this started because she wanted to make him happy. And she has done it. He looks almost the happiest she's ever seen him.
"You look beautiful, Ysabeau." He says softly. His voice coated with happiness and awe and it makes her stand completely still.
"Thanks." She smiles softly at him and moves to sit on the bed so he can follow. It was Lauren's idea that they have the ceremony at Trick's. Not only is his house big, but she also wanted him to have that honor and for him and Bo to to have those memories.
"I've always wanted this for you." He says taking her hand in his. "And now you've found it with someone who loves you and I couldn't be happier."
"Me too." She says sincerely. Wondering when it will be time to go marry that said someone because that feeling that something is going to come and take all this away from her is getting stronger by the second.
He nods and lets go, slowly reaching into his pocket and pulling out a hair pin that just from the looks of it, looks expensive. "Something new." He chuckles as she leans down so he can put it in her hair. "And borrowed." He pulls back after he's done, looking her in the eye. "It was going to be your mother's. Her gift for-" his mood shifts a little and Bo squeezes his hand softly. "I'm sorry she's not here, Ysabeau."
"I'm not." Bo says honestly. Lauren had asked if she was sure she didn't want them to look for her mom when they were making the guest list. And Bo thought about it for a really long time and she's more than sure. Her mom has never wanted to be in her life and she's not going to force her to.
She doesn't even think she deserves to be in it. She left, didn't she? And maybe she had a valid reason for leaving but no one has ever stopped her from coming back. And although she's afraid of admiting this, she's scared that maybe she just didn't want to come back. Maybe she has a better life somewhere out there with children who aren't as fundamentally fucked up as Bo is and she doesn't want anything to do with her.
It's a can of worms she doesn't feel like opening.
"I have you. And I have Lauren. And I have friends who I might not love but who are okay I guess." That pulls a smile from Trick and she smiles too. "That's all I need in life. I'm great Gramps. Happier than I've ever been before. So happy it scares me sometimes."
Trick nods, tears shining in his eyes. "That's all I ever wanted."
They stay in silence for a minute until Trick gets up and stretches his hand to her. "Shall we?"
Her breath catches and her heart beat increases and finally that overwhelmed feeling she'd been yerning for makes an entrance full force.
She's going to marry Lauren. For real this time. She's really going to stand in front of people she loves and promise forever to the woman she adores. There's like a million different ways she could fuck forever up. She's Bo Dennis after all. And the thing is, if she fucks this up, then her one way ticket to the land of single lonely old ladies with cats that share names like Bernie and Luckie is guranteed. Because for her it's Lauren or nothing.
There are no in betweens. She fucks this up and that's it.
'Catville here I come.'
Fuck, she needs to pee.
...
It's a whole lesson in physics, chemistry and all other sciences known to man,relieving yourself while wearing a fifty ton dress. And the wedding is stalled for a minute because when she's done she calls Kenzi to touch up her makeup again.
It's more of a distraction than anything because goddamit overwhelmed is a feeling that doesn't fuck around.
At all.
Like, her palms are sweaty and her heart is going insane and blood is rushing to parts of her that she doesn't really think it should br rushing to. And not in the sexy way.
"Bo, are you okay?" Trick asks as she sits on the bed, breathing like a woman seconds away from going into labour.
"I'm fine- I am- really." She's dying. She's sure she's having a heart attack from loving too much and being afraid of fucking that love up and fuck it why doesn't love come with health warnings?
This is a real, legit question.
"Bo?" That's not Trick's voice. She looks up to find Kenzi's blue eyes looking at her, worry written all over them. "Should I call Lauren?"
She manages to shake her head. Lauren was so adamant about this whole missing each other thing and she wants to be good at making her happy even by doing the smallest things.
She's about to tell Kenzi that she'll be just fine but when she raises her head, the girl's not there and she thinks she's gone to bring Lauren before she hears her come back minutes later, her heels clinking noisily against the floor.
"Bo," she kneels before her, "Lauren said to give you this."
It's a piece of folded paper and Bo's heart calms a bit just because of it. When she unfolds it, it's like a sob was just waiting somewhere for her to do so. She covers her mouth with a palm to stop it from escaping and she knows that Trick and Kenzi are looking at her like she's crazy but she doesn't even care.
She stares at the note;
I love you. And I'll wait here for however long you need me to. Your wife, Lauren.
It's written in Lauren's pretty crusive handwritting and Bo doesn't know whether to laugh or cry or do both.
One thing she does know is there's no way on earth she's going to screw this up. She would never let herslef.
...
She makes Kenzi do her make up one last time and it seems like she's taking forever now.
But soon enough, they're done and Trick is standing with her in the hallway and at the end of it stands Lauren.
Beautiful like nothing Bo has ever seen in her life. In her long dress and her amazing hair and her eyes shining too brightly with tears. And Bo just wants Trick to forget the fucking music and walk her there faster so she can wipe them away.
She has never thought of herself as a walking down the aisle kinda girl. But Lauren insisted that this would be an amazing experience for both her and Trick. That it's a moment they should share. And honestly, she likes it. Really, she does. But right now she's over it because Lauren looks overwhelmed with emotion and she needs to be there and hold her hand and make it all better because that's her freaking job.
She doesn't even wait for that 'who gives this woman' line when she gets to Lauren. She just kisses Trick's cheek, lets him go and grabs Lauren's hands. Placing kisses on them because Lauren likes that.
"Hi." The blonde mouths. Tears still shining in her eyes.
"Hey." Bo whispers with a smile. Catches the tears before they fall. Lauren chuckles. "I'm sorry I'm late."
The blonde shrugs, "you never were that good at turning up on time to your own weddings anyway." She whispers back and Bo bites her lip in order not to laugh. Lauren looks like she's doing the same and all previous fears seem to just wash away.
She's going to kick ass at making Lauren happy for the rest of eternity. She's certain of it.
...
They're not having one of those religious weddings.
One- neither of them is religious.
Two- they take hella long.
Before they know it, they're being asked if they want to say anything to each other and Bo doesn't know because Lauren said they shouldn't pressure themselves to come up with vows. But right now, Lauren nods and the woman whose name Bo doesn't even know so she'll just call her the officiator which makes her sound like a nineteen fifty's horror movie character but oh well.
"Hi." Lauren starts shyly. Bo smiles. People chuckle like the two of them are the most adorable beings alive. "I never thought we'd get here." She admits softly, like it's only for Bo's ears. "I never thought I'd be lucky enough to be the one you chose to give your heart to but I knew, I knew I'd be so- so lucky if I got the chance to see that huge, amazing heart that you hide from the rest of the world. I just never knew if I'd be the one.
"But now I am." She chuckles tearily. "I am the one you allow to see you, to love you, to take care of you and I wake up every day thinking that it's a dream. That I wanted it for long, so much that I convinced myself it happened. But then you'll smile. Or laugh. Or say something that's so you and I'll know it isn't a dream. I couldn't dream you up if I tried, Bo Dennis."
Bo looks up. Trying to get the damn tears to flow the fuck back into her eyes and Lauren just waits patiently until she looks at her again.
"Thank you." She says, her hand coming to Bo's cheek and her thumb rubbing gently. "Thank you for choosing me."
"Bo?" The officiator asks and Bo can't even bring herself to look at him through the tears blurring her vision.
"I uh, I don't know what to say." It's a half laugh, half cry and Lauren goes to comfort her like she always does but Bo shakes her head and speaks on before her words can come out. "I love you." She says honestly. The words coming out like they've just been at the tip of her tongue, waiting. "I'm not sure of a lot of things in my life. But the fact that I love you is something I know with all of me. I love you with parts of me I didn't even know were capable of loving someone. I love you in a way that's overwhelming and all consuming."
She smiles softly at Lauren's falling tears and laces their fingers. "I love that you sort my bears, and that you sing the lyrics wrong to every Celine Dion song ever made. I even love you when you're driving me crazy. And the fact that you're giving me the chance to do that for the rest of eternity makes my heart adore you even more." She finishes softly and it takes a minute to even remember there are other people in this place. People who just heard her bare her heart like she never has before.
The officiator smiles at them and asks for the rings. The whole thing just goes so fast in Bo's mind after that because all she can think of is getting to the part where she kisses the bloody hell out of Lauren.
It's all she can think of.
"By the power vested in me by the state of-" she finally hears him start to say and she doesn't even wait hear the end of that sentence. She doesn't even care to. She's too busy kissing her wife.
...
I love you people. Seriously. And not just for this story but for all of them. You guys are amazing in each and every one and I know I always say this but I'm so grateful.
I'm always going to be self conscious about my writing because I write the way I speak. And sometimes that doesn't work but the more I write for you guys the more I love writing and that means the world to me.
From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.