21 Uncertainty

The next six weeks passed in an uneven flow.

Lightning grappled with strange feelings new Caius's presence gave her, both enjoying them and hating them with a burning passion, wondering if being away from him for a while would shut them up. Being close to him just made them even worse, and sometimes she had the insane desire to touch him – just a hand on the shoulder, or on his chin to tip it up so he would stop walking around with it down as he often did lately. She wondered if this was just plain old tension, that of a man and a woman working too closely together, and resolved to try and keep a little distance between them – because it was making it hard to even think around him anymore.

In Valhalla, his presence meant pain and the prospect of death.

Here, it meant something entirely new.

On the weekends, time went by slower. As the weather warmed and the next few storms were rain without thunder, sometimes people came to visit, people she hadn't seen in a long time. Sazh sometimes came by with his boy, but at other times he came by without him to hang in the kitchen with Snow or Serah. Lightning had little to do on the weekends except sleep, study materials for the upcoming week, or try and find time with her sister. Unfortunately, Serah had begun to run out of energy more often due to her pregnancy, and her mood swings had become a bit more frequent as she crawled through her second trimester.

As for Dajh, he was getting taller and lankier, all arms and legs at a mere nine – nearly ten – years old. Apparently trying to find his own identity, he'd gotten his hair cut, and his features slowly shed their roundness. He remained as cheerful as ever, but he also talked a little less and seemed more intent on watching and listening. When he did come over, it was more to sit and listen than join the conversation.

A week after she and Caius had forgiven one another, Lebreau surprised everyone by walking into a gathering of old friends in step with Rygdea. The man had looked embarrassed, but his eyes were bright and cheerful, something no one had really seen since the beginning. Lebreau didn't leave his side for the rest of the evening and seemed most focused on him. Not that he minded, as he let her do it, and even, once in a while, draped an arm around her waist.

Lightning muttered, "Go figure."

Snow, standing beside her, merely shrugged. "Nah. She left the ranks and became a volunteer. Should've known it'd be to avoid fraternizing." He squinted. "Though, uh, I admit, I didn't really see it coming. I mean, Serah tried to tell me about what she'd been seeing, but, uh… well…"

"Admit it," she muttered, "you can't see anything unless it has to do with politics or Serah."

He mock-scowled at her. "So?"

Seeing the two of them happily spending time together, and later Snow and Serah doing the same, Lightning snuck a glance at Caius, wondering what it would feel like to have his arms around her, and mentally beat herself for it. It was her desire – a secret desire, a wish that no one, especially him, could ever know about – and it shamed her to the core. It belonged to a sense of longing, of loneliness, that she had kicked down and stomped on years ago, trying so hard to keep herself strong in the wake of so much loss. Now, though… now–

It had been so long buried that she'd forgotten about it, but his presence dredged it up and made it flare like a star.

What was it about him that fascinated her so?

For the next five weeks, Snow was regularly gone into the late hours, sometimes in Academia and sometimes just over in the old Academy building working with Rygdea and the others. Serah grew more and more, and soon the combination of discomfort, pain, and hormones began to take their toll as her normal, generally sweet demeanor began to change into one that was much more irritable.

One example of this was when, halfway through the week, after Rygdea and Lebreau officially announced their relationship, she discovered a sink full of dirty dishes and grumbled as she washed them. Lightning offered to help, since she was pretty good at drying, but Serah snapped at her and told her she could do it herself. Humbled, she decided to spend the rest of the evening in front of the television.

Snow also got the brunt of this, Wednesday being one of the days when he wasn't gone late. When he came into the kitchen and hugged her from behind, she sighed and put on a rather fake-looking smile. "Oh, hi, Snow," was her response to his affection.

He wasn't the least bit fazed. "Hey there." Pause. "You're grouchy this evening."

"Don't start with me."

Lightning figured he was probably used to this. Yawning, he went to the fridge, found some food, put it together, and shuffled away to eat far from his moody wife. Serah didn't seem to like him eating in their bedroom, but it was hard to tell, and Lightning didn't ask.

Caius seemed to get the harshest reproach from her when he slipped silently into the kitchen behind her back to raid the fridge as he liked to do in the evening sometimes. As he was sneaking out, not finding anything, she caught him.

"What're you doing?"

He stopped and winced before facing her. "Nothing that should concern you."

"Oh, but I think it should."

Caius gave Lightning a hopeless look; she frowned and shook her head. It was a clear warning; he turned away from her sister and started to walk away.

"I don't want you back in this kitchen! Ever! At least not without making a sound!"

He nodded and kept walking.

"Do you hear me?"

The pitch and volume of her voice got to him; he stopped dead in his tracks and faced her. "Yes, ma'am," was his completely respectful response. Lightning felt a flood of emotions that told him he had been quite humbled by her loud demands. "It shall not happen again, I assure you."

She raised one hand, and Lightning saw with a shot of concern that there was a very sharp fillet knife clenched in her fist. "It better not."

Caius glanced at the knife, expression never once betraying his anxiety.

The weeks marched on, one after the other, and the landscape gradually changed. The brown and gray tinge that had settled over everything for the winter slowly brightened into pale greens and yellows. Flowers began to grow again if they didn't during the winter, beginning to form fresh stems and leaves in preparation for spring. The grass went from thin and scraggly to thick and springy. The humidity came back, as did the heat. Serah went through a few mood swings every so often, one moment fairly pleasant and the next pretty grouchy, as well as getting some strange cravings, such as peach brownies. The idea of peaches and brownies together probably wasn't as unappetizing as it sounded, but Lightning didn't care to take a chance either way.

The recruits learned the patrol routes quickly and had grown accustomed to field-stripping weapons and crawling through mud and sand. They also learned how to run through the surf and thick underbrush. They learned to climb, crawl, run, leap, and shoot, all the things a soldier should know, and became a pleasant, respectful bunch. Even their marksmanship had become more than stellar.

All too soon, Lightning was looking at the last of the eight weeks, and with that goal finally in sight, Snow called his family into the living room Friday evening.

"Next week, we're leaving." He spoke clearly, quietly, just loud enough for his wife, sister-in-law, and Caius to hear. The latter had been invited on a whim; apparently, Snow considered him to be part of the extended family, like the old NORA group and those who had joined him on his journey as a l'Cie. Lightning rather liked this. Thinking back to when they had first come here, Caius had believed no one would accept him. He had been proven wrong by time and friendship. "Serah, you're still okay with this, right?"

His very pregnant wife, now going on seven months along, was thankfully in one of her good moods. "Of course," she said with a smile.

"Are you ready to go?" Here, he spoke to Caius, and the man in question nodded.

"Yes," he said. "I have little to prepare for."

"Sure, but you know this terrain better than any of us." Snow grinned. "If anything, you'll be able to tell us where the best spots for… uh, anything, really, are. I'm lookin' forward to your expertise."

"I've no expertise. Is Rygdea going?"

"No, he's going back to Academia to help with the government. Things have been pretty quiet for the past few months, but they've just about got everything arranged, and it's time to start voting. Lightning–" He turned a little to look at her now. "–we're counting on you to take care of things while we're gone, okay? I know you can do, so keep your head on straight, sis."

She nodded. "You know I will."

Snow nodded, and his grin melted into a smile. "We picked out a name for the little one, by the way – well, two names, actually," he said. As he spoke, Serah stood up with her seven-month-old unborn child and shuffled over to his side, hands on her back. Lightning winced in sympathy. "One if it's a girl, one if it's a boy."

"What are they?" Lightning asked.

Serah smiled and leaned on Snow, who supported her without hesitation. "They're a surprise," she said, "and you'll have to wait a few more months."

Lightning thought about this. Just a few more months until the baby was born. It seemed unreal. So long Snow had insisted that he truly loved and deeply cared for her sister, and now, not only were they happily married, but they also had their own little family that would continue to grow. Still, even as she found joy in that realization, she also found sadness. Her immortality meant she would eventually see it all end, too soon if Caius's solemn warnings were any indication.

"I can wait," she said, and smiled. "This is actually kind of exciting."

Serah nodded. "I'm so ready to be twenty pounds lighter."

Silence fell for a moment, and the foursome exchanged looks. Snow and Serah briefly gazed at each other with an unmistakable look of love and devotion before Serah gave her sister a look of utter joy and Snow seemed eternally grateful. Lightning made sure the look on her face reflected the happiness she felt, but when the two turned away to go to bed, a bit of sadness crept through.

As she looked at her hands in her lap, she felt a familiar presence touch her heart, shyly, anxiously, and she looked up at him.

For a few moments, they gazed at each other without breaking contact in any way, several feet apart, but touching in their hearts. She responded to it, silently grateful for his company – because, right then, knowing what was waiting down that long road of eternity, she was quite glad he was there, and would be there, with her, until the end of time itself. It would be enough to not only hold the loneliness at bay, but maybe even chase it away entirely.

Please, come here, come to me. Hold me. Love me.

The words didn't breach what walls still stood around her heart. "Thank you," was what came to her lips instead.

He looked at her, not understanding. "For…?"

His ignorance amused her. "For being here. That you decided to stay, it's…" Why bring up something that grew older by the moment? Why did his decision to remain with her still strike a chord with her? "In too few decades, all of this will end," she said, and rose to her feet. "Everything dies eventually. Snow, my sister, their family, the heroes of the Day of Ragnarok… they'll all be gone someday."

The slightest furrow appeared in his brow. "Yes, they will, someday."

"But you'll still be here." For a moment, she struggled to find the right words – ones that wouldn't betray what was in her heart, but would still give him the truth either way. "I'm not sure what possessed you to be content to be here with me and everyone else, but I'm grateful."

Though his expression was serious, his feelings were anything but. "Of course."

Had his heart grown lighter over the months? She could remember it feeling heavy at times, a tangle of emotion and years and hurt, but when she paid attention now, she realized it didn't seem as heavy anymore. Something made it feel lighter now, as though he weren't dragging around his past so much.

"Will you be alright out there?"

Those dark, ancient, mysterious eyes had once been an enigma to her. When he gazed at her, though, they felt like windows, straight to his soul, ways she could see who he truly was.

"Yes," she said, "but how will you be here?"

That was an odd question. "Fine. I'm always fine, you know that."

A small, soft smile reached his lips. "Whatever you set your mind to, I know you will accomplish it." That smile stayed on his lips as he turned away, leaving the room and the house, and she stayed on the couch, feeling a smile tug at her lips as well.

Serah woke with a start, wondering what could have startled her awake, before suddenly remembering that she had inadvertently told her body to wake up at sunrise. It was Saturday and among the first days of spring – the day her husband and the others would go off into the wilderness.

Because of this, and because he had spent the week preparing, he could sleep a little longer this morning. He lay beside her now, on his belly, not snoring, but his breathing pattern told her he was still asleep, somewhere between deep sleep and the dozing that came just before he woke up. Trying not to disturb him, she sat up and swung her legs out, careful to give her belly plenty of room, and climbed to her feet. Her back hurt, but that was alright as long as she stayed in a comfortable chair most of the day.

Getting dressed took a little bit of skill when she had to account for her extra mass, but she'd gotten pretty good at it, softly talking to her baby whenever she got close enough. She and Snow had made sure to talk to him, or her, every chance they got over the past seven months to ensure their voices were well known.

As she finished, Snow stirred and sat up.

"Oh." She felt sheepish. "Did I wake you?"

He rubbed the grogginess from both eyes. "Nah," he mumbled, "you're fine, sweetie. I'm just… slowly… waking up here… ignore me." Leaning over the side, he picked up his shirt from where he'd wriggled out of it in the middle of the night and put it back on. It was wrinkled. "Time?"

"Just before six or so."

"Good." He and the others weren't scheduled to leave until seven, while the air was still fairly cool. "Time enough to take a shower and get in a proper meal."

"I'll make something for you."

He slid off the bed and stood, stretching his arms out until everything popped. "You don't need to."

"You won't get any of my meals until you come back in… what, two or three weeks?" She nudged his side with one fist. "Let me do it, okay? Please?"

He yawned. "Oh, alright."

Serah then went out into the kitchen to do exactly that, looking around to see no one else present at the moment – except, of course, for a familiar individual at the bar. Since Lebreau had somewhat neglected it since joining the military, it had gotten turned into another small dining area. Caius was there, looking refreshed, wearing a different outfit. Slung across the small of his back was his spear, collapsed like one of Fang's.

"You're bright and early," she said

Caius looked at her, eyes clear, expression content. "And why not?" he said. "This will be a good day."

Serah tried to figure out what exactly to put together. "Ready to get going?"

"You could say that."

From behind them came the sound of the bathroom door opening; Lightning came out. "Morning," she said.

Serah smiled at her. "Even you want to see these guys off?"

She shrugged. "Guess so." She seemed to suddenly realize Caius was there, and in that instant, her entire demeanor changed, going simultaneously stiff yet unmistakably more… pleasant. The reaction reminded her of a schoolgirl seeing the boy she had a crush on and always fought with sitting in her favorite spot in the cafeteria. As she watched her sister out of the corner of her eye, she saw the tenseness slowly dissipate as she approached the man. Caius stood and greeted her; she nodded and did the same.

Serah quickly put together a meal as her husband came out of the bedroom and went into the bathroom. Caius and her sister talked quietly over by the bar; she fought the desire to listen in on their conversation. That wouldn't be very nice, not to mention wrong of her.

Eventually, the meal – eggs, chocobo sausage, smoked gorgon meat, fresh fruit, a couple of very small whitefish, and a little bit of salad – was finished, and she set part of it out for Snow. He came out of the bathroom, thanked her, and shooed Caius and Lightning away from the bar so he could sit down at it.

Lightning took some of remainder for herself, and after a moment of hesitation, Caius did as well. They went over to the couch and sat together.

Serah tried not to be too obvious in her scrutiny of them. Lightning had a relaxed aura about her, the effort of talking to him being practically nonexistent, while Caius looked more laid-back than she'd ever seen him. They were also sitting rather close, within an arm's length of each other, and talking in the sort of tone that told her neither of them had any problem with the proximity. They even exchanged a couple of small smiles, and Serah was grateful that their friendship had finally become amicable.

She scraped together what was left of the meal, sans the fish, and sat beside her husband. They didn't speak for a while, and that was alright with her. He would be gone for a long time, and for the first time in a long time, she would be sleeping alone. Just having his presence for these few short moments was enough. Already, she missed him. When he came back, she would be almost a month closer to giving birth. She was just glad he wasn't leaving when she could give birth at any moment.

Groaning softly, she pushed her food around with her spoon. "It's a long time," she murmured.

"You survived a year without me," he pointed out.

"That was before we got married, before we started our lives together, and before I got pregnant," she told him sternly. "Don't you get it? Our relationship is more intimate now. We're not just boyfriend and girlfriend, or fiancés. We're married, and–" She groaned again. "It's not gonna be fun."

"You're strong," he said. "You'll be fine. Just talk to me over the phone. Anytime you want, okay?"

She dropped her chin in her hand. "I guess."

"Now," he said, "finish eating. You need all that food for that still-growing baby. Don't you forget."

She looked down at her belly. "How can I?" was her flat response.

He smiled at her. "Yeah, I know."

As time ticked ever closer to seven o' clock, people began to show up. First, the NORA group walked in, all of them groggy but happy to see Snow. Rygdea came in next, and Lebreau immediately detached herself from NORA to talk to him personally, which he didn't seem to mind. Serah figured they were in the early, giddy stages of a relationship, where everything seemed like flowers and rainbows. Next came Sazh and Dajh, who greeted everyone with so much enthusiasm that Serah forgot her anxiety about Snow leaving. Finally, the recruits arrived, dressed for the occasion but otherwise relaxed and pleasant, although everyone looked eager to get moving.

"You've gotten so huge," was Sazh's bright-eyed remark about Serah, who somewhat self-consciously clamped both arms around her belly. "That's gonna be one healthy baby, I tell you. Actually, you know what? It'll be more than a healthy baby. It'll be the greatest baby in the history of anything!"

"Um…" She blinked, blushing. "Thanks."

Dajh examined her belly. "Is that gonna be my cousin?"

Both Serah and Sazh looked at him. "To be honest, Dajh, I haven't got a clue what his… her… its relationship is to the rest of us," Sazh said. "It's not by blood, but with the way we've all grown so close together, may as well be."

Serah smiled. "Pretty much, yeah. Maybe it is a cousin."

Sazh patted his son on the head, then looked around. "Your sister seems to be getting along well with the man who planned to destroy everything."

Serah looked at Lightning, who stood close to Caius while both of them spoke to Snow. As she watched, she saw her husband wave them off and the two of them approach. Dajh immediately looked more cheerful while Sazh flashed one of his happy, brilliant grins at them.

"You came to see us off?" was Caius's response to this.

"Sure, why not? You're all heroes, right? There's no harm in makin' sure all you kids run off safely." He hesitated, shrugged, and added quickly, "Well, you look like a kid, anyway. They tell me you're actually hundreds of years old. How old are you, anyway, exactly?"

"Fifteen hundred years."

Sazh stared at him. "Fifteen hundred." He whistled softly, looking at Lightning. "And you're staying with him?"

Serah saw her expression become unreadable for an instant. "It was necessary to protect everyone."

Pause. "The things you do for everyone else. What do you ever do for yourself?"

Serah winced at Lightning's expression. "It doesn't matter."

Rygdea suddenly unleashed a piercing whistle that demolished the noise around them with the force of a hammer blow. "Glad y'all care so much," he shouted, "but would y'all please chill out a little?"

The response was quiet laughter.

He cracked a smile at that. "Okay, so, Snow's runnin' this one. I'm goin' to Academia. Call me if you need me, obviously. Lightning's got the local branch–" He raised an arm to gesture at her; she nodded and waved. "Alright? Do as she says. Caius is also goin' with us – gotta take advantage of all that knowhow."

Next to Lightning, the warrior gave a respectful bow of the head.

"We got ten minutes 'fore we gotta leave. Make the best of it. We'll be back – eh, should be back in… two weeks, three tops. Try not to do something awful while we're gone. Don't wanna hear stories about Bodhum getting burned down or soldiers misbehavin'…"

Lightning laughed. "I won't let 'em."

Rygdea nodded to her with a grin. "It'll be up to these guys to keep the network set up. Serah's got the knowhow on how to call 'em, so if you need to talk to Snow and the others, just go ask her. Shouldn't need to, though. I'll relay anythin' that comes from him that's really important, don't you worry. Ain't nothing to worry about, you'll see. This could actually be a lot of fun."

Serah watched as Rygdea assembled the fifteen recruits, Snow, Caius, and Maqui, who was going along as an engineer for support services. Gadot was going as well. Two members of Blitz Squadron, both of them young, spry men with too much energy, also joined the group. For the next ten minutes, everyone stood around and talked, the noise level once more becoming a dull roar.

Serah took the opportunity to slip under Snow's arm and let him hug her close. "I'll call in the evening," she said.

He stroked her hair. "No problem, and don't worry."

She half-smiled and closed her eyes. "I'll try not to," she said, "but you are my husband, and the father of my child, so a little worry's bound to happen."

Then, too soon, they heard Rygdea call for assembly, and Snow broke away with her, but not before giving her a quick kiss on the top of her head. Serah groaned softly as he moved away, suddenly frustrated that her husband, whom she'd waited so long to finally have, was being taken from her. It wasn't too long, she knew, but it was still a little less time that she could spend with him before the baby was born.

"Alright, final goodbyes and meet me by the shallows," was Rygdea's only instruction. He headed up the beach; Serah saw there was a small craft there, apparently waiting for them, hovering over the sand. The recruits said a couple of quick goodbyes before hurrying after him.

Serah found herself enveloped in a tight embrace. "I love you, Serah," her husband's warm, wonderful voice said, right in her ear. "Don't forget."

She'd gone time traveling with a stranger. She had faced crystallization and deep slumber and strange dreams totally alone. She'd faced giant monsters, robots, Cie'th, and Caius, both with Noel and without him. Yet, somehow, this was far worse than any of those, and she didn't want to let him go. After having lost so much, even if some of them had eventually been returned to her, she was a little scared of doing it again.

"I can't ever forget," she whispered, hugging him tightly. "Don't forget about me when you seem some pretty little thing over there…"

He chuckled. "Oh, Serah, c'mon, you know I've only got eyes for you, right?" And then he released her, turning away, leaving her standing on the beach and watching him go, both happy and sad, and she couldn't really explain either one. Irritated by this, she folded her arms and glared at his back. Well, she could at least let him know just how much she hated this if he turned around.

Which he did, and gave her an innocent look before waving and turning away again. Serah felt a piece of her heart go with him.

A few more goodbyes were exchanged; she watched Maqui and Gadot say their goodbyes to Lightning, Sazh, and Dajh, then go running down the beach. Maqui was terribly excited, practically squealing with delight, even as he ran carrying a briefcase in one hand and a heavy bag around the other shoulder. Serah watched them go, waving after them and calling her own goodbyes just one more time, and figured the ruckus was finally over.

But the last of the goodbyes was the one that made her the most curious.

After a long few minutes filled with noise, color, and constant activity, this was quiet and in complete contrast to the other ones – Lightning and Caius, standing a few feet apart, gazing at each other without a word. Lightning looked as though words wanted to be said, lips occasionally twitching, hands clasped at the small of her back even as they couldn't stay still. Caius looked uneasy as well.

Finally, she was the one who broke the silence. "It's kind of a vacation."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Is it?"

"For you, sure. No more recruit training. You're done with that." Lightning cleared her throat. "There's monsters and such out there. Make sure Snow doesn't do anything to get himself killed, alright? Actually, that goes for everyone, not just him, even though he probably needs it most. You know better than anyonewhat's out there."

He nodded once. "Of course." After a second, he turned and started down the beach.

Then Lightning said, "Take care of yourself."

Caius paused and looked back. Serah saw some of the tenseness dissolve from his body; the sternness in his expression faded as his eyes grew soft. "And you, Light," he said, nodding. "I know you will do well here in your duties. When you set your mind to it, I know you can accomplish anything." He stood there a moment, smiled, and turned away, walking back down the beach toward the waiting craft. Lightning stared after him; Serah saw her bite her bottom lip and take a quick, deep breath.

The craft's engines spun up and lifted it into the sky. It quickly became a dot against all the blue, turning and flying further inland toward the crystallized Cocoon.

Serah waited until the craft was out of sight before looking at her sister. Lightning was still in the same spot, one hand now resting on her chest on the right side, gazing at the sky where the craft had disappeared. Even when Serah went back inside to make use of the cool morning, Lightning stayed just a little bit longer.

I would like to take a moment to let everyone know that there is now a category for "Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII" on this site! I have posted a story in it, in case anyone wants to look. Thank you for reading, the follows, the favorites, the reviews, and the patience!