As Michael thought about this a thud was heard on the roof. "Hey, you down there!" came a gruff voice. Mike looked up and saw a strange man on top of the gym. "Yeah, you, what're you doing pacing around?"
"What's it to you?" Mike replied.
"I figured you were defeated by Blaine in a fair match and now you can't figure out how to beat him without breaking the awesome barrier," the man said with a smirk.
"I... how did you know?" Michael said, a little flabbergasted.
"I know lots of things, like how you can't stand the thought of leaving without that badge. Like how you'll do anything to win. More importantly, I know how to beat Blaine at his own game."
Michael looked around. It was still early in the morning and the streets around the gym were mostly deserted. "I'm listening," he replied.
"The coast along this island is known for it's beautiful beaches but people don't often take a look at the shore the city backs into. You should drop off the ledge behind the gym and have a look.
"What's back there?" Michael asked.
"Can't say much more, friend, but in my time I've seen some strange stuff come out of there down by the edge of the cement shore wall. I hear they used to dump there and that's why we had a Grimer infestation a while back."
Mike hopped over the chain link fence next to the gym and peered into the sea. It was a bit of a drop into the water but he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. "There's nothing down there!" he called, but as he turned to look at the man he realized no one was there. Michael's eyes shrank to tiny dots as it struck him there was no way onto the roof of the building.
After getting over his bout of insanity Mike figured it was worth checking out the secluded shore, he had nothing better to do at any rate. He walked to the island's mart and shopped for supplies. Roaming the isles he felt like an idiot for taking the advice of a hallucination but still ended up placing a few ultra balls and an escape rope on the counter. The shop keep looked up at him and smiled, "Wow, someone must be adventuring today!"
"Yeah, I was gonna check out the Pokemon along the coast," Mike replied.
"Oh, that's great, the water is lovely this time of year. Enjoy yourself, sir!" Mike took the bag of supplies and headed back to the docks. Jumping the fence and tying the escape rope to a piece of construction rebar sticking out of the cement Michael stripped down and jumped into the sea. He swam along in the shadow of the island like the mysterious stranger told him to. The warm water was therapeutic after such a disappointing turn of events and Michael found his mood improving. After a long while of uneventful swimming though the notion that he might be crazy started to creep back into his mind.
Michael decided to have one more look before giving up. Swimming out again, this time a little further, he made his way to the barrier rocks behind the gym. It was a surreal place from this perspective, the rest of the island was almost entirely out of sight and sea was obscured by enormous volcanic rocks jutting out of the ground. As he swam back to the rope something caught his eye. When he turned around it was gone, so he continued on his way. The next thing he knew he was being blasted out of the sea by a painful jet of water. Michael flew twenty feet in the air before splashing back down. He whipped his head around to see what shot him but there was nothing there.
Michael was unnerved but stood his ground. "Okay, have it your way, go Kabuto!" Kabuto splashed into the water. Floating about, it started angrily splashing in one direction. "Use absorb, Kabuto." Mike said, still unable to see the attacker. Kabuto concentrated, pulling the life out of some unseen enemy. Before Mike's eyes an enormous Pokemon appeared. Or at least he thought it was a Pokemon. It was more of a distortion. Whatever it was it didn't like Kabuto's attack and started glowing.
"Use harden!" Kabuto's carapace glistened in the sun. The mysterious figure leapt into the air and struck Kabuto with otherworldly power, knocking it out with a single blow. "Kabuto, return!" Mike yelled. "Go, Snorlax!" Snorlax popped out and drifted lazily in the sea. The figure was now fully revealed. It didn't have much of a body, only a twisting distorted combination of blocks. Mike didn't know what it was but he knew it was strong and needed to catch it. "Okay, Snorlax, use mega punch!" Snorlax swung at the strange Pokemon, discombobulating it. It immediately struck back with a water gun attack.
"Time to give these new balls a try. Go, ultra ball!" Mike threw the ball and it sucked the strange Pokemon in. In a few shakes the ultra ball floated motionless in the water. Mike scooped it up. Without warning Snorlax was struck with another water gun attack coming from where the Pokemon appeared. "What the fuck is this shit!" Mike yelled, "I caught you already, dumbass!" Michael was shaking the ball in his hand, "Snorlax, this bitch be trippin', use hyper beam." Snorlax seemed to know where the lingering impression was and fired it's beam. Afterwords there was stillness and Mike assumed it must be over. "This is some crazy shit, lets just beat Blaine and get out of here." Mike said as he returned Snorlax. He swam to the rope, pulled himself out of the water, got dressed, and headed for the Pokemon center.
As he handed his Pokemon over to be healed Mike checked his watch. It was only a quarter passed a scramble. What, he thought, no that can't be right. Mike figured the sea water must have damaged it. Before long his Pokemon were done healing and he high tailed it to the gym, anxious to remedy his humiliation.
Once again he found Blaine busy working with his programs. Looking up from his monitor for a moment he addressed Mike, "What are you doing back here so soon?"
"Time for an ass whooping, Blaine," Mike said, his arms crossed with that cocky anime look.
"You can't have trained your Pokemon that quickly, there's no way you can win. Especially with that attitude." Regardless, Blaine took his place in the arena with Mike, "I choose you, Growlithe!"
"Your fire Pokemon are screwed, go... whatever the fuck you are!" Michael tossed the ball and the strange Pokemon popped out, still a swirling mass of distortion.
"What in god's name is that!" Blaine exclaimed.
"It's... I dunno hold on." Mike checked his pokedex but the register would only display "MISSINGNO." "Well whatever you are, Missingno, use water gun!" The floating mass shot a powerful water gun at the Growlithe, blasting it out of the arena.
"Growlithe, return," Blaine looked concerned but against his better judgement continued the battle, "I choose you, Rapidash!"
"Hit it with another water gun, Missingno!" Mike yelled. Missingno fired it's water gun with such force that the Rapidash was slammed against the far gym wall.
"Rapidash, return!" Blaine said, "Go, Arcanine!"
"Hit it with another water gun!" Mike commanded, but instead Missingno started glowing, "Umm... ok or sky attack."
"You can't even control your Pokemon!" Blaine said in shock, "You don't deserve to become a Pokemon master. Arcanine, fire blast!" Arcanine unleashed it's torrent of fire but was unable to stop the mysterious Missingno. Like a streak of lightning Missingno dashed across the gym and plowed into Arcanine, sending it hurtling out of the ring. "Arcanine, return. Michael, this is lunacy. You have no control over your Pokemon and it's almost otherworldly in power."
"Does that mean you concede?" Mike asked slyly.
"I'll grant you the gym badge if you dispose of that... thing."
"Pfft, no way, this thing is my ticket to the championship. Send out your last Pokemon!" Mike taunted. Blaine grudgingly sent out his Ponyta which Missingno promptly dispatched with another water gun. "Ha!" Mike exclaimed, returning Missingno, "Now, I'll be taking my badge!"
Blaine pulled a Volcano badge out of his pocket and handed it to Mike. When Mike pinned it on his shirt Missingno broke out of it's ball. "Michael, put that damn thing away!" Blaine yelled. Missingno fired a water gun at Blaine, sending him crashing into his computer equipment.
"Missingno, return!" Mike yelled but the Pokemon evaded him. It crashed through the gym's ceiling and flew away. "God fucking damn it!" Mike yelled, running out of the gym. He grabbed his Droid to call for back up but it was completely scrambled. He looked up as an explosion shook the ground. Mike ran down the road to see buildings collapsing, massive holes punched in the sides of cement walls.
Through the rubble and dust Michael saw shuffling. He hurried to check on the survivors but as he got closer something started to feel wrong. The dust settled and several people emerged, distortion where their wounds should be. They charged Mike, blinded with crazy. Michel pulled out his shotgun uzi and fired his entire clip Rambo style but was forced to run for his life when he was out of ammo. As he ran down the road he heard the clatter of an assault rifle. He turned around and found an Army Ranger and a trail of dead scramble zombies.
"Who are you?" Mike asked, but the soldier said nothing. His uniform read "Ramirez." "Where is the rest of your squad?" Ramirez just shrugged. Michael figured he was good enough with the rifle so together they ran after Missingno. After several blocks and never ending waves of zombies Michael and Ramirez eventually met up with another Ranger.
"Star!" Michael yelled.
"Shit... I don't know any of the calls I'm just a runner!" said the befuddled Ranger.
"The answer is 'Texas', soldier! Where's the rest of your platoon?"
"At the Whiskey Hotel!"
"Ramirez, clear the way to the Whiskey Hotel!" Mike yelled. The other Ranger ran off as Ramirez shouldered his rifle and fought his way through the unceasing undead hordes of scrambled zombies. Eventually they made it to the Whiskey Hotel which was completely barren of living soldiers, just more zombies. "God damn it, all the Rangers are zombies too!" Michael said, scavenging some ammo off a corpse. Ramirez fought his way to the top of the hotel with Michael following close behind. When they reached the top they expected plot advancement but found nothing useful.
"Wasn't there supposed to be a flare or something?" Michael said, turning to Ramirez. The private just shrugged. "Well damn it, what now?" He looked out over the city from the top of the hotel. In the near distance he saw Missingno tearing apart an entire neighborhood. There was a ruckus behind him as more zombies rushed up the stairs. Michael loaded his shotgun uzi and pinned the zombies down at the doorway. A zombie popped out of the door and BLAM! It's head disintegrated. Michael ratcheted another round into the chamber as a zombie darted into the room. BLAM!
Another came around the corner, BLAM! And another, BLAM! Then a blinding flash came from the doorway. Zombies flew into the room backwards, their bodies charred. Michael cleared his vision and raised his gun to find Vixen in his sights. "Vixen! What happened!" he said, lowering his gun.
"Some solder came running up to me screaming 'star'. I asked him what was going on and he just told me to make my way to the Whiskey Hotel."
"No, I mean why are you still a pokemorph?"
"Oh... the lab got blown up. Some fucktard unleashed an abomination against nature and it's running rampant in the city..." Michael averted his eyes, choosing to focus on how incredibly shiny his gun was. Ramirez sensed imminent drama so he just took point. Vixen looked at Mike for a moment as her face got more and more twisted. "MICHAEL! What in FUCK'S NAME WERE YOU THINKING!"
"I was thinking I needed to get my seventh gym badge. And I did!" Michael said, gesturing to the pin on his shirt.
"You fucking moron do you have any idea what that thing is! It's a Pokemon that's been infected with the Pokerus! Anything and everything it touches is scrambled and overpowered!"
"That would explain the zombies..." Michael said. As Vixen began a rant about how much she wanted to strangle him with his own tongue Mike fired a hipshot and split a zombie Ramirez had missed in two. "Vixen-" he started.
"...And you're fucking retarded ideas! I mean Kurt Cobain as Jesus Christ! I can't believe we had that conversation!"
"Vixen!"
"With all the times I got beat up and blown up and tossed around you would have thought I'd get the slightest bit of consideration, but NO! All I get is the same excuses about you being awesome and I get treated like shit! I'm not even following you anymore and you're STILL destroying my life!"
"VIXEN!"
"...And Ted Kennedy most certainly WOULD agree with me, I don't care what you say, he would never force his Pokemon to evolve..."
"PREDATOR MISSILE!"
"I don't care what you said about me in the Pokemon cent- what?"
"Five kill streak, give me your cell phone."
Vixen looked at him blankly and handed him her cell phone out of her pocket. Michael opened the clamshell and guided a predator missile towards the Missingno. Down the street a burning line cut the scenery. The explosion rocked the ground as dust billowed into the streets. Michael looked at his watch, it was working again. His Droid was working too and even the people started to turn back to normal. Except the dead ones, but Michael ignored them.
"I don't believe it..." Vixen said, "I don't fucking believe it. You saved the city from yourself."
"Ramirez," Michael said, "Get to the evac zone, we're done here." Ramirez hauled ass out of the hotel as Michael looked out over the city. Vixen just sat there, her jaw slack and eyes unfocused. After a moment she regained cognition and looked at Mike.
"I give up. I just... I give up. I can't be normal, I can't escape your stupid antics, I can't go home, but you get to be a dick and succeed in everything." She absently gazed down at the bullet peppered room.
"You have to look on the bright side. For one, we're still alive. For another, I got my gym badge. And third, you're still a pokemorph."
"That's NOT A GOOD THING, Mike!" Vixen shrieked.
"Yes it is, I wasn't about to let you throw what you love about yourself away because some idiots with no taste don't like how you look."
"So this wanton destruction of property and loss of life was just a contrived way of keeping me the way you want me?"
"No, it was a contrived way of getting a gym badge without investing hours in training a proper team to master their individual skills and overcome a common obstacle. However, if I'd known that unleashing a hellish infected Pokemon upon the unsuspecting masses and subsequently having to put it down would merely prevent you from sacrificing your originality and passion then I'd have done it anyway."
"That... really?"
"Yup."
Vixen was at a loss for words. She couldn't decide if it was totally radical or utterly stupid.
"If you don't come along I'm going to have to resort to extreme measures to get my next badge, maybe even a Rocky-esque training montage. I don't want it to come to that."
Vixen looked at him, lost in thought. If she went along, he'd still be the same selfish prick. If she didn't go he would probably find some way of destroying the whole of Kanto if it meant getting his final badge. Plus she had nowhere else to go now and no one else would accept her. After some consideration she conceded, "I guess I'll come along, if only to prevent you from starting nuclear war over that next damn badge. AND! I am NOT. YOUR. POKEMON. Clear?"
"Crystal," Michael said, and with that they headed for the docks.