***Friday, 12/7/12***

5:05 PM

*Jasper calling...*

"Hi, Sweetie."

"Hey, Mom."

"You sound tired."

"Yeah. Long week. Every professor seems to want to squeeze that last bit of information in before we go into our Reading Days—a.k.a. slow spin on the rotisserie of death."

"Oh my. That sounds painful."

"Yup."

"Have anything fun going on this weekend at least?"

"The usual. Oh, except with a slight twist. Emmett met someone last weekend."

"Really? Is that someone with a big 'S'?"

"What? No! She has a great ass."

"I said, 'S' as in the letter! Is she a special Someone?"

"HA! Oh shit, Mom. Don't tell Emmett I said that. He'd gouge out my eyeballs just for looking!"

"It sounds serious then?"

"It's impossible to call Emmett serious about anything, but he is most definitely smitten. It's a little nauseating to watch, but totally hilarious. Plus, Emmett's been keeping the house really clean so she'll stay over, so that's certainly a plus and equally entertaining. I'm not sure he's ever held a vacuum cleaner in his life."

"Well, see there? Aren't you glad for your modest upbringing now?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm gonna make some girl a fantastic husband one day."

"You totally are. So what does that all mean for your weekend? You go out as a terrible trio instead of fearsome foursome to scour the campus for 'random women?'"

"No, it means all four of us got invited to a 3-L party at Rosalie's house tonight."

"Oh! OLDER random women?"

"Yes, and smarter than us, too. They're all in the JD/PhD program. Riley's been reading back issues of the New Yorker magazine to prime himself."

"And how are you preparing for this monumental event?"

"You'll be proud of me—I actually went to Northgate Mall and picked myself up a couple new shirts."

"Well, will miracles never cease?"

"You know what you always tell me, Mom…you only get one chance to make—"

"A great first impression. Yes. I just had no idea you were listening!"

"I guess I was just waiting for inspiration."

"Sounds like you may have found your inspiration."

"We shall see…so what's happening in the booming metropolis of Burlington this weekend?"

"Oh you know, the usual for me, too. Some Christmas shopping, a little writing, and Ihaveadatetomorrownight."

"Excuse me, back up, what was that you said?"

"I'm writing a piece about the history of mistletoe for the Town Crier."

"That's sweet, but what did you say after that?"

"Your old Mom has a date, Jas."

"With who?"

"Mmm. With whom."

"With whommm is my Mommm gallivanting about townnnn tommmmmorrow?"

"I'd hardly call it gallivanting. We're going out to a quiet dinner at Haversham's."

"Psssh, fancy shmancy. Who is this guy?"

"Someone who works with Angela. She's been telling me about him for months, and his divorce has just come through."

"Oh."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Newly divorced guy on the prowl…do I really have to spell it out for you, Mom?"

"Um, no, thank you very much. And I've already received fair warning from—from my friends."

"Well, good. I don't want some guy taking advantage of you."

"Aw, son, I'm touched. Listen, I can handle myself."

"Just be careful, Mom."

"I think you're in more danger than I am, going to a house filled with upperclassmen…er, women."

"Don't worry, I've got Edward to watch my back."

"HA! What happens when he gets carted off by some hot doctoral candidate?"

"Yeah, I don't really see that happening."

"And why is that? Has he gotten uglier and less charming since Thanksgiving?"

"Nah, he's just…distracted right now."

"Hmm, he's letting his studies distract him from girls? That sounds tragic! You better be careful that doesn't happen to you!"

"Very funny, and you don't have to worry about that. I am very good at compartmentalizing my stress."

"That's good. You wouldn't want to have performance anxiety."

"Annnnd, we've now entered Awkward City, population two."

"Okay, okay. You have a good time and watch out for those wild women."

"Good luck with the gay divorcé. Oh, shit, that just slipped out. I'm sorry, Mom."

"Jas…I'm so over it. Speaking of your dear old dad, though, have you heard from Alice yet about what she's decided?"

"Not yet. I told her that Edward and I are flying into Miami late Thursday afternoon and staying through New Year's. What's your plan?"

"It's not pretty. I leave Burlington Friday at 6 AM and arrive at 2:05 after two stops. I should be in fine shape by the time I roll up to the house in the taxi."

"I'll come get you. I'm sure Edward will let me borrow his car."

"You don't have to do that, Jas—"

"Don't be silly. They live like forty-five minutes from the airport. The taxi fare would be astronomical. I'm sure you can find better ways to use your disposable income around Christmastime."

"There's my practical, sweet boy.

"I learned from the best. Why don't you forward your itinerary to Alice? Maybe she can coordinate her flight with yours and I can kill—"

"Two swans with one stone."

"Ahh, it never gets old, right?"

"Wish I could say the same for myself."

"Ba-dum-bum…CHHHH! On that note, Mother, I think it's time to end this before it gets ugly."

"Goodbye, son."

"Bye."

.